BIG TIME RUSH: the musical journey begins
by treehatsrock
Summary: follow the lives of carlos, james, logan and kendall through the eyes of the girls that love them. as they meet, greet and sleep their way around america. the boys see the highs and lows of being in a boyband. heartbreak and betrayal are never far away. money, love, lust and family are always on their minds. (8 complete stories in one. sexually explicit & contains bad language)
1. Chapter 1

_**STORY 1:california collisions**_

Well moving to California was so far one of my more easier choices I had made for my life.

I Never thought I would leave my modelling days behind me, I loved that runway and the life it helped me lead, but at 27 my back had decided it was time to retire me from my catwalk days. I had a skiing holiday 14 months before that went badly wrong. Left me with a 6 inch scar along my spine and a back that would no longer tolerate the day of a runway model.

So here I was in sunny L.A. Sheriden Lloyd! ready for a new job, a new life and a new me.

I bought an L.A. house a month ago and was just waiting for my things to arrive from florida. carlos would be staying with me. When I first moved to America from England it was Carlos' family that had helped me so much, a place to stay and a family to call my own. Carlos was like a brother to me, so when he said he was moving to CA to try make it big in some kids tv show, I thought to my self well why not go with him, ease Carlos in to the limelight, and hopefully he wont make some of the bad choices I had made with fame.

Carlos was 19 he needed guidance, the show he was a co-star of took off so well, none of us expected it. it grossed 3.4 million viewers for the cable channel it ran on for just the pilot.

I became the surrogate manager of him, making sure he was in the right place at the right time, got him in to A list partys and at my delight got him and the other guys from the show a very high profile glossy mag photo shoot, not bad for a bunch of lads who had only been in the limelight for 3 months.

I pulled a few strings with the editor who I knew well. my modelling days came in handy for one thing at least.

The travel up to the photo shoot was to be a long one, carlos had convinced me to fly with him so I wouldn't be on my own, first class on a passenger flight was not what i was used to, but Carlos promised it would be fun for me, we had to board a flight to Orlando Florida then a three hour drive to Miami the following morning. I hadn't really got to know the other boys Carlos worked with on the show. I had met them and introduced myself vaguely, knowing full well they knew exactly who I was.

I'm so paranoid...I agree that I chose to be famous, I chose to model, and I chose to be damn good at it, but it was always the failures of my life people remembered, like the skiiing accident or the drug and alcohol fuelled life I led before I came to the US. So meeting new people I didn't know a thing about always made me nervous, plus my fear of flying didn't help I had big issues with take off and landing.

the shows entourage to the sunny state Totalled to 8, some I had met, some I hadn't.

Going through security at the airport, Carlos had left me on my own to chat to a girl I didn't know the name of, before my head could swell up of flying anxiety it was interrupted by James.

James was one of the stars of the show, just turned 19 a few days ago and incredibly good looking, I mean god had really gone to town when he created this guy, dark hair that always seemed to flow the right way, chiselled to perfection face and brown eyes that could make even the likes of me melt.

Surely this adonis James who stood beside me should have been a model too or at least a greek god.

Then he spoke, taking me sharply from my day dream gaze I had upon him.

"Hey" he said softly.

I smiled in response.

"Sheriden, right?" He asked.

As if he didnt know, "Yeah, hi, nice to see you again" I said squeezing my hands tightly together.

He smiled.

"So is it true your never going back to modelling?" he asked the question I had been asked at least a million times in the past year, a question to which I usually paste the prettiest smile on my face, and flip my brown hair over one shoulder and reply "it just wasn't meant to be".

But today in front of the the greek god James and the mixture of fear from the flight and the xanax pills I had taken prior to getting inside the airport, or the fact poor James had just come along at the wrong time, The tears started coming out of my eyes before I knew I had to try stop them,

"no, geez I'm so sorry" was the only reply I could master as I silently wept with such pain I didn't know I had, I knew then that the tears wouldnt want to stop easily.

James gave me a reassuring one armed hug and whispered"hey I'm so sorry, that was a dumb question, I feel awfull now".

at the same time I noticed him glance over to Carlos to make sure he was still deep in conversation with the girl I had no name for and not notice how i had been reduced to this weeping wreck .

Carlos was still in mid chat so James although was in the clear from a telling off from him, he also had the job of trying to cheer me up from the mess he had made of his opening pre flight question.

With out saying another word James already had a master plan of his own to quick-fix his blubbing wreck of a problem, and simply placed his sunglasses that were perched so perfectly on his head on to my face, and said" I'm James by the way, not sure if you remember .and I really just want to get out there how sorry I am, I mean am I an idiot or what?!"

I felt bad. I forced a smile to slap over my face like an instant make over.

"Ha! honestly James its fine, if anything I'm sorry, I'm just terrified of flying and I maybe have some issues with myself that the xanax pills want to take the time to get out now. haha! Geez I'm a mess".

I was rambling now, great! His look then I noticed was one of pity. He knew he was in his prime ready to start an amazing career, where as mine had obviously been killed in action and some how i had ended up with this group of teens starting out.

"You still look stunning" he replied. " so you really that terrified of flying you need xanax?" he grinned. "I actually have an amazing remedy for fear of flights, drug free too. would you like me to talk you through it when we are on board?" He added.

Oh James, how precious are you. I thought it was the least I could do to sit next to him on the flight, plus any guy would wanna sit next to a model huh, even an ex model? Maybe that would spear his career ego and be my way of an apology for this entire embarrasment.

"sure, i would love to hear it" i replied.

Just then the un named girl Carlos had been chatting to tapped James on his shoulder with a clip board in her hand, asking him to sign bits of paper she needed his name on, James turned to me with a smile like I've never seen before.

"cool, see you onboard" he replied and he was off.

I regained my composure, or as much as I had left to gain, and for some reason a memory of Carlos' brother antonio came in to my mind. Antonio and I Hung out a lot, I dated his best friend jay for two years, jay was the love of my life, my little piece of home in a crazy world. But he lost his life in a car accident four months before i broke my back in my skiing was behind the wheel but the driver of the other car involved came up positive for drink driving.

I consoled antonio, told him so many times there was nothing he could of done. He got depressed and it wasn't untill Carlos' grandmother passed away 6 months ago that I received a drunken phone call from Antonio admitting he was trying to text on his phone the time the accident happened that killed jay. I hung up.

It was only carlos and I that knew about the phone. I was shocked at antonios' confession but I didnt blame him.

Carlos bounded upon me, "hey!.. you crying?"he asked with an arm slinging over my shoulder simultaneously.

"No...well yeah, your err.. gran just popped in to my head, well actually Antonio popped in to my head, you know eh.."

"Oh shoo"- my nickname Carlos had for me for sentimentle occasions such as this.

"cmon, let's not do this here ay, Antonio is coping better now, and you cant dwell on the past" he said softly.

"Yeah I know" I replied, now rammed with more guilt for lying to Carlos for bringing his dead grandmother along for the ride, knowing full well how much it shook his entire family to the core.

"Right! Let's get on this flight shall we?" He winked, he took my shaking hand after we had been through security and went through to the departure lounge with me.

Walking down that tiny isle of the plane with my ticket in my shaking hand trying to find seat H-24, the seat I would soon be attached to by my finger nails.

My heart was beating so fast with the nerves of flying. I found my seat, or rather Carlos had guided me in to it. I had the isle seat and Carlos wanted window, I was fine with that, looking at all the different walks of life that had got on the plane was always a good distraction for me to concentrate on.

Carlos was talking to me about a jacket he had seen online that he was intending to buy as he stuffed our hand luggage in the overhead compartments. This was his form of a calm down preflight chat with me, shopping was the highlight of my life any other day, but it was wasted on me today.

All I managed as a reply was"Mmm sounds great".

Reaching for the sick bag and resting my head in the palm of my hands I wished the flight away.

"Excuse me" were the words that broke me from the pits of hell in my hands, and looked up to see adonis like James standing beside me.

he must have swapped seats with carlos, while I was in my newly found dying position.

This guy must think I'm a drama queen.

"Hi" I replied as I moved my legs in to let him squeeze past to Carlos' former window seat."I completly forgot about our ...err date, ha!"

He flashed that smile that I knew was gonna haunt me in the future.

"its okay, so are you really THAT bad" he said eyeing up my empty sick bag.

"Oh, god no! I like to have it just as a safety measure, besides it feels safer to have my head in there than I'm already in the emergency position..." rambling again! Geez he must think I'm an idiot.

He didn't say anything, the pre flight safety demo was playing on the tv screen in front of us, I presumed he wanted me to watch it, as he had realised there was no way I could manage to get myself out of this seat if something did go wrong and he would be stuck in his window seat to peril.

"Oh, before I forget, these belong to you, thanks for the loan" I handed him his sunglasses back."So now's the time to make good on your amazing remedy for flight fear" I smiled the most convincing smile I could master, but judging by the his face, I hadn't convinced him of anything.

The plane had already begun moving and was just about to start the rocket launch it did to get in the air.

"Well now your stuck next to me for the next few hours, I thought we could plan an amazing date in Miami, you know after the shoot! I was looking at your body in the airport and I thought to my self, James you have got to get a piece of that action..." He went on.

My blood boiled, flipping men! Only after one thing all the time.

He carried on, "I thought maybe we could hook up, dinner, dancing and you know...maybe after we could..."

I cut him short, of all the ignorance! I was really pissed now."james!" I hissed, "I don't know who you think you are but if you think im some kind of slut then you are very much mis-"

then I saw it, the cheeky grin apon his face. He had done it, he had distracted me brilliantly by pissing me off so royally that he had got me in the air without me even realising it.

I laughed hysterically and clapped my hands over my face to stop a stray tear escaping down my cheek.

James laughed a little chuckle at me,"told you it was amazing" he gloated.

"Well at least your not honestly letching on me, are you?" I said still with my hands on my face.

"No, I'm a true gent most of the time, but the offer for dinner is still available if I haven't pissed you off too much" he smiled, he had his masterfully shaped eye brows raised high as if he had pinned his whole plan on these very words.

Why did I feel I always owed this guy something..geez.

"James I would love to but I have to run a few of my own errands, I honestly don't think I will be about that much, besides your...well, a bit young for me to go on a date with"

He smiled a cool smile, I hadn't crushed his boyhood dream or ruined a budding new friendship as far as I could tell, so I was pleased with my efforts.

"That's fine, but if you change your mind?" He gave my side a small nudge with his elbow to suggest it was a joke, but also to say it was a very real offer.

Talking to James on the plane was a much better idea than sticking with Carlos, there was a constant flow of conversation.

James was very much like myself, he was driven. He knew what he wanted and I could feel this guy was gonna go far, he was the entire package, I promised I would help him get some good publicity, I knew a lot of people that could transform his life overnight.

The pilot announced the imminent landing of the plane, and I wondered if James had another top trump card to play to distract me, he placed his hand on top of mine, which may have to be surgically removed from the armrest, He gave it a squeeze. better than nothing I thought to myself.

He leaned in to my ear and whispered "so Carlos says your amazing in bed!"

"What! I have never.." then I realised again he was having me on.

"your good at distractions" I said with some resentment in my voice.

Then his real top trump came out to play in the form of that gorgeous smile.I can't really remember that plane landing


	2. Chapter 2

We had landed in Orlando, it was just after lunch.

Carlos and the boys had been lucky enough to get given locations in which to have there pictures taken, and Discovery Cove was due first.

they would pose with the dolphins, get snapped bare chested and soon be on there way to teenage girls bedroom walls all over America, Then it was a one night stay here in Orlando then up at 5 tomorrow to drive the rest of the way to Miami for an interview and more pictures.

Andrew Ford, who was the editor of the magazine was meeting us at discovery cove, this was a huge honour because he is so high profile, but he owed me a favour for taking the rap for some coke his wife had found in his car a while back in my runway days. but judging by the latest photo i had seen of him he hadnt left his cocaine habit days behind him.

I hadn't touched the stuff for 8 years, I was determined that carlos would not be participating in andrew fords extra carricular activities too.

I owed his parents so much, taking proper care of their son seemed a reasonable way to pay them back for all the good they had brought in to my life.

Carlos was raised in Florida, and I had lived with his family from the age of 19, his dad and 2 brothers had driven from Weston to Orlando to meet up with us.

Carlos was rabbiting away on his cell phone to his dad.

He was beaming, Carlos shined like a star, he was so grounded, so honest, he was incredibly good looking, with his mothers Dominican tanned skin, and mischievous smirk on his face. He was short, I would sometimes tower over him in my wedges.

He said his good byes to his dad and made his way over to me

"my dad says hi" he grinned, then his face turned sullen

"Antonio isn't gonna make it Shoo, I'm sorry" he added.

I was half expecting this, I just gave Carlos an annoyed nasally sigh.

The drive up to discovery cove was a quiet one. James once again had found himself sat next to me.

"how are you feeling now?" He smirked with a squeeze of my leg.

"Fine now thanks to you" I replied.

At this point I noticed another star of the show look up at me, Logan.

Now Logan seemed friendly enough but I got the impression he just couldn't tolerate me, and to see him watch James squeeze my leg just made his assumption of me clearer.

I could just imagine him thinking "yup there goes the has-been model sinking her teeth in to fresh meat"

Thinking of antonios' snub I dismissed logans accusing eyes and turned to James.

"you know what? I think I will take you up on that offer of dinner... tonight if that's still cool?" I said.

"Yeah defo?" He replied with an almost puzzled look on his magnificently bone structured face.

"Hey!" Carlos moaned and nudged my ribs from the opposite side of me. "I thought we were having a meal out with my family?" He sulked.

My face had anxiety written all over it, "Carlos I was hoping Antonio would of come so we could talk, I would be the pink elephant in the room if I went out with you guys" my eyes welled up.

geez what was wrong with me today? Bloody xanax!

Carlos relented, and gave James the same accusing look as logan had given me just a few minutes ago.

"Hey!man." James replied with his hands raised as if surrendering himself. "Just dinner, she owes me anyway. I will take good care of her" he said.

Carlos and I shared a grin, knowing full well I can take care of myself if indeed the opportunity arised.

The discovery cove shoot was a complete success. The guys had fun doing it, and watching a group of delicious young men frolic in water wasn't the worst way to spend a few hours.

James' tanned chest didn't disappoint either.

He really took care of himself, strong arms and defined abs. I liked what I saw and regretted handing his sunglasses back so soon, my eyes had no where to hide when trying to survey his goods.

Andrew Ford appeared to adore the boys, so that left me feeling incredibly smug with myself. Job well done!

Andrew approached me just as the guys and there entourage were climbing back in to the mini bus, with an arm over my shoulder he guided me away from the bus.

I dreaded times like this, I knew what was coming, Carlos was already on the bus so I knew he couldn't help me.

"So how's work life going?" Andrew asked.

"Im... rediscovering my self at the moment, seeing where life wants me to be" the words flowed freely, like i meant them, at least I hadnt burst in to tears.

I swept my hair back behind my ear to show off a beautiful cheek bone to hopefully distract Andrew from the next question.

It didn't work.

"I got some hot catalogue jobs going, 18 month contract! If your interested? keep you in the spotlight" andrew said enthusiastically.

Yeah there it was! the biggest insult I recieved lately. Catalogue jobs! t

These jobs are great for girls just starting out. but when you've been a top runway model. And having it cut short in such a sad way, they are given out as ways to insult, or to say hey, your career is dead but try these teflon coated trousers and get in to peoples homes by mail order.

My pride would never allow me to go to catalogue modelling.

Its not as if i needed the money but he knew I enjoyed living in the public eye.

As if my face hadn't already given him an answer, or the hand that was now on my hip, oozing out the attitude I was trying to conceal, andrew stepped it up with "beggers can't be choosers Sheriden".

A slap across Andrew Fords face was the only thing that sprang to my mind that instant, But before my hand could leave my hip, I felt arms grab me around my waste from behind and a gentle kiss on my cheek, the arms gently spun me round, and James' voice spoke out

"she's very much CHOSEN to be here today" his voice sounded calm but stern.

his arms left my waist and he held out a hand to andrew ford.

"thank you again sir for this amazing opportunity" he continued. finishing his firm hand shake.

james slung his arm around my shoulder and walked me to the bus.

"Cmon babe" he said loudly as he gave me a helping hand in to the mini bus.

As the engine started for the journey back to the hotel he confessed,

"I just figured you needed some help to put him off track of your awkward conversation. Seeing as your hair behind the ear trick didn't work" he grinned like a cheshire cat.

james must sometimes use the same distraction with his good looks to get out of things like i had tried just then.

Now was I angry at James or in awe of him for saving me from slapping one of Americas top editors and ruining this entire trip.

It was the latter, And I had the feeling inside that I hoped the opportunity would come again that james would wrap his arms around my waist.

I smiled at him. Then closed my eyes for the rest of the journey.

I woke up to someone shaking my leg. It was Carlos,

"hey Shoo, me n Kendall are going in to City Walk for an hour or so, you wanna come with?"

Carlos knew I would say no to this kind offer, as Universals City Walk is a tourist must, and all Floridians know its the easiest place to pick up girls.

I presumed Kendall was in on this knowledge, but he smiled sweetly waiting for my response.

Kendall was tall, had blonde wavy hair that was always out of control but always looked great, and he had these eyes. The most gorgeous green eyes that would tear through your soul if you let them.

"No I'm gonna just chill out for a bit then have my date with James and early nite" i replied.

Carlos raised an eyebrow to the date reference I had now made about my evening with James.

The bus stopped and we all filed out.

I gave carlos a hug and a kiss on the cheek,

"oh los, dont be late for your DATE with your dad okay" i said, carlos tilted his head in annoyance that I had twisted the word "date" to now sound so innocent.

He squeezed my hand in reassurance that he wouldnt and walked over to kendall who was waiting patiently by the shuttle bus.

I eyed James who was talking to the girl who previously had no name, but turned out she was called Ally.

Again Ally was flustered trying to get things from her clip board list completed. As she walked away I moved in on James.

"so did you wanna meet up in the bar or...?" I asked but James smirked at my question"

I'm not old enough to meet you in the bar, but I will settle for picking you up from your room at 8:30 if that's cool?" He answered.

Shoot! Could I make myself look more idiotic? Why didn't I think before I spoke.

James made my brain turn to men didn't have this effect on me, it was usually the other way round.

"8:30 is great! I'm in 402" I replied, I gave his wrist a squeeze as a parting gesture as his hand was in his pocket. Smiled and walked towards the revolving doors of the hotel.

Room 402 was full of lustre. Being me, I opted to pay for my own room as the one I was offered under the cable companys budget was not of the standard I had become accustomed to.

But room 402 was the pent house suite. Only the best of the best could even afford to stay here, and I definitely had money!

discovered at 14 by storm model management in london, I moved to florida at 19. most of the money I had earned during my runway days and a successfull make up contract in london.

I had racked up almost 65 million, and that's not to mention the insurance money I got from the skiing accident.

I had been voted 3rd in Forbes magazine on the list of the 15 top earning models.

The insurance money I had from my back I opened a new account for. I wanted to make sure not a single penny of it got misspent, after all what do you possibly buy with your broken dreams as currency?

Shit! 7:45 already, how did that happen?

I chose a navy blue vivienne westwood dress. it was summery.

I didnt have a clue where I would be going so it was casual but incredibly cute.

Vivienne westwood was one of my former campaigns as a model, along with chanel and gucci.

The dress was sexy, all cleavage was safely tucked away but it allowed my best assets of my legs to take the limelight, I pulled at my long brown hair, wondering which was best, up or down? I resolved to down. I gave my self a smile in the mirror, my blue eyes gleamed back at me, as if to say, you still got it girl.

I patted down my dress, it fitted tight around my tiny waist with a bow detail above the hip. I sighed... Just perfume to go and I'm ready for the adonis James to arrive


	3. Chapter 3

There was a gentle rap on my door, I sucked in a deep breath.

My first date since jay had died.

Please go easy on me tonight James I thought to my self.

I Forced my smile back on my face and opened the door.

"Wow" was the only word that greeted me from James' mouth.

He looked very much wow himself though. blue pin striped suit, his hair carefully swept to the side, his beautiful brown eyes gazing over every inch of my body, Framed by the longest lashes I had seen on a man.

He took my breath away. He looked so much older than he did on the bus with his grey v neck tee on.

I took a moment to take him all in.

"Geez sorry, I'm so rude, come in, I just have to perfume myself then I'm good to go"

James stepped in, still not saying anything apart from the wow. He seemed nervous. It didn't suit him to be nervous, he eyed up the pent house, the beautiful furniture and the huge bed that centred the entire room. I blushed.

"James, you okay?" I asked, He came back to earth.

"yeah fine. Sorry this place is amazing, you look amazing. I think I'm a bit star struck" he chuckled his deep infectious laugh.

I slipped my hand in his palm.

"cmon I'm looking forward to seeing where your taking me" I said.

He looked almost embarrassed "hmmm, I'm not sure its gonna be what your used to" he chided, taking another look around the room.

I laughed, "well it can't be as bad as Carlos taking me to subway"

he smiled, the image of me dressed in my vivienne westwood at subway was a humourous thought.

"Let's get goin then, you may want to change those shoes though?" He said eyeing up my 5 inch stilletto's.

"Okay" I agreed as I left the soft grip of his hand to rummage for a pair of flats to put in to my bag.

We left and grabbed a cab from outside the lobby. James must have booked the cab already as the driver knew where he was going.

James held my hand the entire way, it felt comfortable and gave me butterflies in the pit of my stomach. He chatted about some modelling he had done in the past and about his school days, he told me he was trained in ballet which I was too.

I felt myself giving in to james. He was a breath of fresh air for me and had a very mature head on such young shoulders.

He knew exactly what he wanted from life, we couldnt be more alike.

The cab came to a stop, James got out and as the true gent he was opened my door for me, again offering his hand which I hastily took.

The driver had also got out and was opening the trunk. out came a lavish looking picnic hamper which James took with his free hand.

He looked down at me, "you ready?" he grinned at my shoes.

I tore my gaze away from his perfect face and looked at my surroundings and realised we were at cocoa beach.

It was perfect for a picnic date. I de-heeled and just went bare foot, my perfectly manicured feet felt glad to be out of the heels.

We walked along the cool sand finding an ideal place to sit.

I had taken James by the arm now, this whole evening reaked of romance, and I didn't want to give him the wrong impression, and it worried me how much i enjoyed holding his hand.

James layed the blanket down and we sat.

For the first time I felt awkward.

"Do I make you nervous?" He asked, he didn't make eye contact, just looked out to the smooth ocean.

"no James you dont make me nervous". I lied."you just need to know that this is perfect, but I really can't be anything more than a friend" I added.

I squeezed his hand which he was leaning on. He gave a weak smile and looked down at his lap for a brief second before returning to the ocean.

"is it 'cause of my age or 'cause your not ready to date yet?" He asked.

Wow brutal honesty, I wasn't expecting him to be so to the point!

I thought my answer through quickly and looked out at the ocean that had James transfixed.

"both, but that's not to say I don't like you. Your amazing and I definitely want to be great friends? I feel we have a connection, like I'm drawn to you" I replied.

he broke his gaze from the ocean and layed down on his side to face me. His eye contact ripped through me.

My head started to spin as I inhaled his amazing scent that had swarmed my way in the gentle breeze as he moved his body.

"I feel I'm drawn to you too". The words ached out of him, Like he couldnt do anything than say his deepest feelings. finally the tables had turned and he was putty in my hands for the first time.

"Carlos warned me in the bus today while you were sleeping to not hurt you. He told me about ... jay... I'm sorry. It must be so hard". he looked at the floor to say jays name.

tears escaped my face again."thankyou" was all I could master up as a reply.

He wiped a stray tear off my cheek. His touch felt like electric on my skin.

"Shall we eat?" I was grateful of the quick change of subject from him.

He opened up the hamper. Least if we ate we didn't have to talk serious stuff.

"Sure I'm starving" I smiled.

I had to hand it to James. He knew how to treat a girl, his charm was out of this world. He oozed charisma and had obviously milked Carlos of every detail needed about me for a succesfull date, my favourite fruits, non alcoholic wine, I winced at that. dreading what sordid details of my past Carlos had let slip to James.

I told james that jay was meant to be my soul mate. I let him know the hurt I felt when i learnt of his death. James was so easy to talk to, he some how understood, he said caring words in all the right places. I never wanted to leave cocoa beach.

The evening sped past and the cab journey home seemed to go even faster. It was late, almost 1:30. So much for my early night!

James walked me to room 402. I was Dreading an awkward goodnight. But he had obviously thought it through and simply took both my hands looked down to me and kissed me on the cheek.

He left a small folded piece of paper in my hand and walked away towards the elevator. It was his cell number and the words "for if your ever in need of a friend X O X"

Geez James why do you have to be so perfect!?

I panicked "James?" my voice was soft but the desperation in it was so audible.

he turned back and came towards me, rustling up his incredible scent again. My head spun as I took it in like an intoxicating drug and he took both my hands again and kissed the top of my head.

I was full of emotion. I didnt know what to do or say. I regretted the xanax for the 3rd time that day. But the tears began rolling again.

I freed myself from his hands and wrapped my arms around his waist. He cradled my head in his chest.

He knew I was hurting for jay. He just took it in his stride.

When I felt I could contain the tears I let my head look up to his adonis face, which was full of uncertainty.

I couldn't understand why untill he kissed me. His lips against mine felt unreal, our bodys moved in motion together, his tongue slowly caressing mine. His hands cradling my face against his own. He slowly pulled away.

"sorry". He sounded husky.

He still held my face in his hands, he kissed my forehead. I took his hands in mine and led him inside my room.

"Sheriden I can't do this tonight, I know you don't want this. Not yet anyway" he said softly.

"Why did you come back?" I asked, I felt a flush in my face as the words came out.

" 'cause you need me tonight and I wanna be there for you" he answered.

he took his suit jacket off and Hung it over the side of the cream chaise longue that was positioned opposite the bed.

"Go get changed in to something comfy" he ordered.

Without a word I trotted off to the bathroom and got changed in to my night shirt. It was a bit short, just about covered my ass. But was best I could do at such short notice and limited luggage without trying to look sexy.

I brushed my teeth and walked back through to the main room.

James was shoe-less and shirt-less sitting on the edge of the huge bed but still adorning his pin striped trousers.

This I mentally thanked him for.

I walked over to the bed. He stood up and kissed my lips again. It felt more intense this time, I ran my fingers down his perfect chest, taking in the contours of his abs. He felt safe. I wanted to bury myself in him. Tell him every secret I ever had. I wanted him to mend my heart.

Again he pulled away."in to bed" he said.

he nodded in the direction of the oversized pillows on my bed. I got in.

He walked over to the opposite side and dimmed the lights. he lay on top of the covers, even in the dim light I couldnt help notice his erection wanting to escape those pin striped trousers.

I cuddled in to his chest, one of his arms was my new pillow and with the other he held my hand, I kissed him on his cheek, he held me closer around the shoulders.

I had never felt so safe in a mans kissed me again, this time was longer, more seductive. I could feel the sexual tension in his tongue as it gently circled around mine.

I pulled away this time. Scared where this would lead but james had more control than I did.

He moved his body up slightly on the bed so my head was nestled on his shoulder. It was so late now. James' safety and warmth had me asleep in moments


	4. Chapter 4

My cell was ringing, I scrambled out of bed to hunt it down in my purse.

4 missed calls from carlos! shit shit!

It was almost 5:30am.

As last nights antics came flooding back to my weary memory, I saw James on my bed. Belly down and starfish shaped .Shit!

"James" i said.

shit!

"James. Wake up, James, cmon now! The bus will be here in ten minutes!"

James turned and grunted out an "oh fuck".

There was a loud knock on the door.

"shit!" Now carlos is gonna think the worst of me.

I opened the door. It was Carlos!

He had a bag in one hand and some flowers in the other.

"that is James' bag, kendall chucked his stuff in it as he didn't get back to his room last night, and these are from Antonio to say sorry for bailing on us yesterday" he strode away.

"shit, carlos wait! I'm sorry" i called, with his back still facing me he simply raised a hand.

"forget it sheriden!" He replied sounding pissed off.

Fuck!

I handed James his bag and we both dressed in silence, somehow we managed to get down to the lobby before our bus had arrived.

It appeared that Carlos and kendall hadnt spilled the beans on mine and james' 'night together', for that I was thankful for, but Carlos made sure he didnt have to sit next to me on the mini bus.

I was sandwiched between James and kendall.

Once I could explain to carlos that it was all fairly innocent I'm sure we would laugh about it. On the other hand I didn't understand why he was so pissed, i am a grown woman after all.

I guessed it was the brotherly instinct he had for me.

What annoyed me was that he seemed fine with james. They sat opposite each other playing against one another on mario kart, exchanging the odd friendly insult to which ever one had won the race.

The drive to Miami dragged. I looked at the flowers that lay by my feet that were from Antonio. I noticed a card embedded within them. I opened it.

"Sheriden, i'm so sorry for not turning up this evening. The guilt I feel when I see your face overwhelms me. I will call you soon. Love always. Antonio x "

Geez! I felt like a loser. Poor Antonio so racked with guilt that he can't even bear to look at me, and here I am spending the night kissing teenage boys.

James must of read my card from Antonio or read my mind, but he nudged me and gave me the look as if to say am I okay?

I smiled back.

All I really wanted to do was surrender myself to him. Let him hold me, let me breathe his scent in.

I didnt want to annoy Carlos anymore so i shyed away from talking to James, instead I turned to my other neighbour kendall.

Kendall was laid back.

I don't think anything could make him angry. He told me about his home town, his girlfriend, how Logan had helped get him the part in the show.

"I've never been to Miami" he confessed. "Never thought I would be travelling up here sat next to you either" his face flushed.

I smiled "that's sweet kendall" I replied, he looked at his feet.

"so I hear your gonna set up your own modelling agency?" He asked.

Wow was there anything Carlos didn't say about me to these boys. I glared at Carlos.

"Yeah probably not untill after Christmas though. Even then i dont know if I'll be any good on the wrong side of the camera" I explained with a heavy heart.

the bus fell silent. I felt James touch my hand and gave a gentle squeeze to say hey dont cry. I squeezed his back in reassurance then let go before Carlos could realise I was communicating with James through touch.

Finally the bus stopped and stage two of their shoot was underway.

I wasn't needed for any introductions today so I made my self scarce to the hotel.

I was booked in to a different one this time to the rest of our group. Miami held something special for me, and I wanted to soak it all in.

I was in a condo overlooking the ocean. It was beautiful. I rummaged in my bag for my tooth brush but instead found a folded piece of paper with james' cell number.

I so needed to talk to him But bed was calling me, I decided to text instead, least then he would have my number and could call when he had finished the shoot.

I debated to text carlos too, but felt angry that I had to explain my actions to him. He can stew for a bit longer.

The condo bed looked good. Four poster, all in white, I felt like a princess in it, and drifted off with images of piercing eyes and American smiles.

For the second time that day I was awoken to the shrill sound of my cell ringing. I quickly clocked the time, 6:30pm! Wow I needed that sleep.

I grabbed my cell.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Hi sheriden its James, what room number are you in?"He sounded upset.

"James! Hi. Er I'm not in the same hotel as you" my head tried to wake up

"Yeah i know, im in your reception now, they won't give me your room number" he replied.

Ah that explains why he sounds miffed, i can just imagine him down there with the stuck up guy from reception trying to explain that he knows me.

"Im in 29 James, feel free to come up" I said.

"Kay, see you in a minute" he said then the line went dead.

I ruffled my hair infront of the mirror. Apparently sleep was not a friend of mine.

I quickly changed in to a red shoe string top dress. It was too hot to dress to gentle rap on the door made my head spin.

I opened up.

"Hey" he chirped, and embraced me round the waist, pushing me in to the room backwards, kicking the door shut with his foot as he came in, he kissed me, today it was urgent and fast.

I almost fell as he was pushing me back, but his grip around my waist pulled me in closer to him.

My legs now wrapped around his waist. His kisses sometimes leaving my lips to travel down my neck. It was electric. He led us to the bed where I released my leg hold on him and pulled him down towards me.

He climbed on top of me, his legs straddled either side of my hips. He pinned my hands down with his against the bed. I wanted him so bad. I ached for his kisses to go lower than my neck.

His erection was playfully digging in to me through my dress. If I had a free hand I would try to release it for kisses stopped and he stared at me. Nose to nose. He gave the tip of mine a kiss then rested his forehead against mine.

All I could hear was our erratic breathing. He still had my hands pinned either side of my head. I kissed him on the lips, he slipped his tongue in again. This time it was soft and gentle.

He was trying to calm him self down. His erection felt so hard digging in to my pelvis it almost hurt. Just as I thought to my self I'm ready, he released me and rolled over to my side.

We both lay silent staring at the drapes that hung over the four poster. He took my hand and pulled it to his face, He kissed it.

"How come you stopped?" I asked as I half sat up to face him. "I'm not sure I wanted you to stop" I added.

"Your not ready sheriden, we have an amazing chemistry but you made it clear yesterday that your not ready, and I don't wanna mess with that"

I could have scorned my self for what I said yesterday now, but he was right! as the real life of jay and Antonio came back to me.

I kissed James on the head and stood up. James sat up on the edge of the bed.

"the shoot went well... and the interview" he said as he looked at his hands.

They were trembling. It must of taken a shed load of will power for him to not be fucking my brains out right now.

"That's good. How was Carlos? Did he say anything to you?" I asked.

"yeah he pretty much told me to back off, I told him what happened, but he is really pissed with you. He kept saying your too good for me. I agree. You are" he explained

"Oh for christs sake James. No I'm not. Look at you, your like ... photo shopped or something. I'm still a human in here you know". pointing to my heart. "I'm still just a girl" I added feeling emotional.

"I'm sorry" he said as he stood up, he came up behind me and wrapped his arms in mine around my stomach, resting his head on my shoulder.

He kissed my cheek.

"Carlos didn't go to the hotel, he went straight to Miami Dade airport for a flight back to Cali" he said.

"Shit really?" I groaned.

"Ya and i kind of promised him I would steer clear of you, I told him I needed to sort some stuff out with you first. I think you know its probably right if I stay away? He's just worried I'm gonna fuck a thousand girls and break your heart" he explained.

Silence succumbed the condo.

"So we have untill you leave the room?" I asked.

"Yeah" he whispered.

"Will you stay with me tonight? You know just to be with me?" I felt my cheeks redden at my odd request.

He kissed my hot cheek, released his hold on me and casually layed on my bed, with his arm out stretched to welcome me in to his embrace. I took a deep breath and crawled in to his arms. We lay in silence, I drank his scent in. Which filled my mind with urges to please him.

I circled a button from the green top he wore with my finger.

James fell asleep pretty quick. He must of been shattered. I spent what seemed hours staring at his perfectness. Resenting Carlos for making this amazing weekend to be filled with regrets and promises. He did have a point though. James was going to go so far now he had been discovered. And he was far too young to get tied down to me when the female population of the USA was about to discover him too.

I kissed his cheek good night for the last time


	5. Chapter 5

18 months had passed since the Florida weekend.

James had more or less kept his end of carlos' promise to steer clear. It wasn't as bad as it sounded. James and I were still incredibly close. We had snuck in the odd kiss every now and again but he would never let it go further.

I could tell james about anything and he would do the same.

He was often linked to many girls names in the press and I must of seen more than a dozen pictures of him with his arm slung round his latest date. But one girl kept popping up, a very pretty brunette girl called kacey.

She seemed nice enough. she did modelling and acting, along with trying to seal an album deal. They had been dating steady for 5 months now.

I occasionally saw them kiss, and pangs of jealousy would hit my stomach.

Carlos also had a girlfriend. Tammi. He was besotted with her.

Tammi could be a bit of a bitch, I intimidated girls with my wealth and looks, and I loved to intimidate came as no surprise when after just 3 months of being with Carlos, Tammi insisted on him moving out of my Los Angeles home. He did of course, he loved her so much. he bought his own place and she moved in with him shortly after.

Carlos kept hinting to me that I should put Tammi on my modelling management books but I always tried to avoid the subject.

My business was doing great. I had a lot of exposure in the set up of the company. With tv's americas next top model.

I felt in control of my life again, at least part of it.

My cell rang. It was kendall.

Kendall and I had become firm friends in the past year. His girlfriend of 4 years had called it a day between them 8 months ago, he took it hard,and rarely dated other girls so I would often accompany him to VIP partys and award ceremonys.

I was a familiar face around the boys, but it was now public knowledge that i did most of my growing up within the safety of carlos' family, and was part of the boys new "family" we had created within the success of 2 series' of their music based kids cable show and the release of 2 albums to match.

I answered my cell

"hey shoo, what time are you getting here tonight" Kendall asked enthusiastically. Carlos' endearment term for me had caught on.

"Kendall I've already told you, I'll be there no later than 10pm okay"

He sighed "cmon its my birthday you can get there earlier than ten!"

Kendalls 21st party had been drummed in to me for 4 months solid.

"honestly kendall if i could then you know I would. I will be there at ten. Oh and dont get shit faced before i get there, I'll be pissed if you vomit on my shoes"

"Ha ha very funny" he retorted. "See you at ten shoobaloo" he chuckled and the line went dead.

Kendall was so lovely, he always had time for everyone. He gave the impression to everyone he knew, including those that he just met that they where the most important people in his life, it was a gift he posessed.

Fame didn't alter kendall one bit, he hadnt changed from the first time I met him, he even came with me last July to meet up with antonio. A lot of good came that hot July day.

Antonio had been to counselling, and we could finally lay jays memory to rest without being racked with guilt.

Carlos was happier that the 'bad joo joo', as he put it, had gone between antonio and I too.

My cell vibrated in my hand, it was James.

he had text me to say him and kacey had kendalls gift all wrapped up, he promised not to forget to bring it to the party this evening.

The gift was a guitar. kendall had his eye on for this one for some time. But we thought his 21st birthday was a long enough time to wait.

I was out of los angeles today, I had meetings in palm springs and left just after dinner to get to the party venue.

Kendall had splashed out on a swanky hotel with a free bar.

He best not be wankered by the time i get there I thought to myself, tutting aloud.

I personally rarely drank alcohol. I had wasted so much of my youth in England being smashed out my face on booze and drugs.

The modelling life in England isn't that far from the one in the united states. But over here I was given more control, and Carlos' family, a very religious family, helped to get me back on the straight and narrow.

A year after i moved here and at the tender age of 20 I finally got my turn on the US catwalk, and fame and fortune beckoned at every door I opened.

I had offered to pick Logan up on my way to the venue, as he had a radio interview to do just outside of palm springs. It had just gone 8 as I picked him up, I was impressed with my early timing.

"I wasnt sure if i should of got another coffee" Logan jibed as he eased in to my mercedes. "You wernt as long as you said you might be" he added.

Now to me Logan was the hardest of the four lads to get to know. He doesn't trust easily, and if he doesn't trust you he doesn't let you in his head.

It took 6 months for us to finally become friends, and that was only because his very dry sense of humour would rattle me the wrong way and get me to open my mouth to bite back at whatever insult he had thrown my way.

The day it came to a head, I must admit I had PMS of the worst kind. I can't even remember what snide comment he had made, but I launched myself at him, hitting him in the head, and just totally lost the plot.

James had to get me off him. But Logan must of felt bad, as he invited me round for dinner that same evening we buried the hatchet and found we actually had a lot in common.

He has called me the diva princess ever since though, I think of him as a good friend now.

"I got away sooner than i thought and the highways have been in my favour so far" I confessed, banging on my dash for good luck.

"Are you looking forward to this evening?" He asked with the raise of an eyebrow, He gave a slide ways glance at me as he spoke.

"Yeah I am, it should be a great night... Listen! I gotta favour to ask... Will you stick with me just for a while once we are in? I hate not turning up with an official date for fear of being a loner" i said with a cheeky smile.

Logan smirked at my cowardice.

"you! A loner, ha! I'm yet to see the day. But yeh I would love to be your temporary date until you can find someone better" he chuckled.

I tutted at him and rolled my eyes. we both laughed."You know what i mean" I retorted.

Logan chuckled again and flashed a beautiful brown eyed smile my way.

In some ways Logan was very similar to james. Driven! and he took from life, he didn't wait to get handed anything.

I often thought to my self that in years to come it will be logan that had made it the furthest in the fame stakes against the other 3.

I always envisaged a movie star in him.

Logan and I got out of the car at the hotel, he offered me his arm which I gracefully excepted.

We walked through the long stylish corridors of the hotel, finding our way to the party, we took a flight of red carpeted winding stairs to the entrance of the hall, at the top of the stairs the music was loud, Carlos and tammi were in the corner having what looked like a heated arguement, Carlos saw us and walked over to greet us, I gave him a kiss on the cheek, and he gave me a huge hug in return, Logan was saying brief hellos to people filing in to the hall.

I gave him the look to say dont you dare leave my side yet! He flashed his amazing smile at me as an okay.

No way did I want to get stuck with carlos and tammi having one of their rifts.

Logan and I made our excuses to leave the stairway entrance, he took my hand and we went inside to find the birthday boy.

The place was heaving! there were people from all walks of kendalls life, the room was huge, the bar area was well lit, the dance floor looked amazing, the beat of the loud music thudded through my chest.

The place was decorated very tastefully. kendall had really gone to town on paying out for all this.

As logan and I weaved through the swarms of people, James approached us. His eyes glazing over how Logan and I were joined by the hand.

He gave a shocked look to say 'well thats a development i didn't know about'.

I surrendered logans hand and reached out to hug James, he kissed me on the cheek ,but over the year, he had got his cheek kiss down to the art of it being pretty much on my lips.

His eyes grinned at me at our private joke.

"So when did this happen" he casually asked as he wiggled his finger at me and Logan.

Logan laughed."Oh god no! I snagged a lift from palm springs and then got hijacked as temporary date"

I glared at Logan. "thanks for that" I replied, giving him a playful punch in the stomach.

"Ooh I see" James said eyeing me over, "well kacey isn't here tonight so i dont mind being your ...er company" he laughed at his choice of word.

It wasn't untill then that I could smell the alcohol on his breath.

Great now I get stuck with the drunkard.

Although still only 20, james like any other guy had his fair share of drunken nights out, he just had to be carefull not to get papped wasted, as it would be very bad for his reputation and being the star of a kids show it wouldnt go down well with the bosses.

Logan shrugged his shoulders as if to release himself from his date duty, and then nodded in the direction of the dance floor where he saw kendall.

James waved over to him to catch his eye, then beckoned kendall over to us.

Kendall bungled through the crowds. He was covered in birthday banners, badges. and lipstick over most of his face, he even had a pair of lace panties Hung around his neck.

He had a huge smile on his face, he lunged in to hug logan, and he took my hand and kissed it, which i was grateful for as I didn't want my black Calvin Klein dress ruined in the first 5 minutes.

Kendall began chatting to logan about his day, while James snuck his hand in mine and pulled me to one side

"your drunk!" I moaned.

"Just a little" he emphasised with his finger and thumb to show me his measurement of drunkeness.

"You okay then? you seem in a very playful mood." I asked.

"Sheri' I'm fine, just happy your not dating Logan" he laughed at the thought.

"Hmmm" was my pissed off reply to this.

Before james could get another word out, kendall had man handled me, and marched me off to the dance floor, pointing in the air shouting 'whoop whoop'.

James' hand slipped away from mine, and I left him stood next to logan.

So as I left one drunk guy behind I was now dancing with an even drunker one.

Kendall looked like he had had a good time, he had drink spilt down what at the start of the evening would of been a breath taking white designer shirt, plus all his decorations his guests had pinned on him like an eccentric human christmas tree.

He danced alongside me for sometime, taking the odd break to briefly talk to his guests, once again kendalls gift of making people feel so important shined through.

I was enjoying myself with him so much, he even talked me in to doing shots with him and his brother kevin.

"what the hell" I said. After 3 I felt I had made the wrong choice and that hell would indeed be waiting for me tomorrow in the style of a huge hang over.

My head was spinning, I hadn't even eaten since breakfast.

Carlos looked disgusted with me drinking. I knew he meant well, because he knew of the life I had before. But instead of marching me home, he gave me a weak smile as if to say take it easy, and returned to dancing with tammi.

I figured his good cop persona would be easier than explaining to tammi that he was leaving to take me home.

Stood at the bar I noticed james was deep in chat with a brunette girl. He caught my eye, and took a step away from her but still carried on his conversation.

My cheeks flushed and I turned my back to James.

The night went by without any major dramas.

I noticed that James and logan were no where to be seen by home time, so that left just me and kendall getting a cab back.

Carlos and tammi had just said their goodbyes and only a handful of guests still remained.

Kendall said some goodbyes and grabbed my hand to stumble out on to the grand looking stairway.

"Thank you for an amazing night" he beamed and he kissed my hand once again just before tripping over his own feet, falling, grabbing my hand to try and save himself and pulling me down with him, and us both narrowly missing a fall down the stairs.

Some of the hotel staff looked and gave annoyed glances at us.

We both got the giggles.

"Fuck! That was close" he said sorting his hair out from his face.

"Too close" I agreed looking down the stairs. "Did you wanna share a cab home?" I enquired as i stood up.

"I'm staying here tonight, most of my family have rooms too, we are planning a day out tomorrow" he swayed as he spoke.

"Oh ok" I rummaged for my cell in my purse to phone a cab, I would have to collect my car tomorrow.

Kendall stood up "ah cmon, il let you have my bed, il sleep on the couch" he said.

"serious?" i replied.

"Sure shoo shoo" he playfully tapped my shoulder with his fist.

The few moments it took to get to kendalls room were filled with drunken giggles.

He opened the door and said "m'lady" in a terrible attempt at a british accent, whilst gesturing me in with an exaggerated arm movement.

I sat on the bed to take my shoes off, it wasn't made, he must of seen me survey the scattered sheets, as he felt the need to explain.

"It's all very innocent, James and I got carried away with pre party drinks and he was jumping on the bed"

I then clocked the guitar in the corner of the room.

I stroked the bed subconsciously as james' name had been forced apon me.

"do you like the guitar?" I asked as I managed to switch my train of thought, god why did i drink?

"Yeah its amazing, thanks so much. All you guys mean the world to me you know..." he smiled and looked at the floor. "...Ive been working on a song, you wanna hear it?" He made full eye contact now.

"I would love to kendall" my voice soft, at his personal gesture.

He grabbed the guitar and sat next to me on the bed.

"its called american dreams" he said.

The song was gentle and slow, the words flowed softly from kendall, it was filled with lyrics of lost love and future hope. Kendall sang from his heart. He was raw talent. and the song words I knew were from his past.

They hit me hard.

When he finished we sat in silence for a few minutes.

"Your the first person to hear that, what do you think?" he was shaking.

"I think its beautiful, very emotional" I gave his hand a squeeze as I knew he was thinking of his ex emily.

Kendall placed the guitar on the floor."You wanna hug it out?" he offered.

"sure" I smiled, and he wrapped his arms around me.

I felt lonely within kendalls arms, I had the feeling he felt pretty lonely too. I pulled out of our hug and moved my hand to the side of his face, his skin was soft with signs of tomorrows stubble already coming through. I guided his head towards mine, and kissed his lips, his lips were softer than his skin. I felt his hands gently on my waist. His touch on my body was welcomed. I kissed his neck and unbuttoned his shirt, his chest was smooth, and cool to the touch.

"You want this?" His voice was thick with emotion.

"I do" I breathed back.

With that go ahead, kendall found his way in to my black Calvin klein dress, and it was soon laying strewn on the floor, he gazed my body all over.

His face was anxious, and I got the impression kendall had wanted this for a while.

He toyed with my bra strap, almost teasing himself with it.

I ran my fingers through his unruly hair, then took his shirt off. I un cloaked him from his panty necklace from the party too.

He lay back on the bed, and pulled me on top of him, I kissed his chest as he un hooked my bra.

His hands on my breasts felt so good, he played with my nipples. I felt pulses run through my body, he pulled me towards him, placing an erect nipple In his mouth, his hands ran down my back, and gently caressed the area where my scar was along the base of my spine.

I wanted him inside me so bad, I could feel my insides throbbing. I pulled myself up off of him to get his trousers off.

His breathing was so heavy. Once i had undressed his lower half I slipped my panties off. He reached his arm out and pulled me back on top of him, feeling his erection against my bare flesh was almost too much to take, I leaned in on him, kissing his lips, he guided my hips so he could enter groaned. as my body moved against his, his hands ran across my breasts, then to my hips once more to quicken my pace.

I leaned forward to kiss him, he felt so good inside me, he let out a moan and playfully bit my lip, his intensity was surreal. I placed my hands either side of his head and let him know I was about to come, he took my hands and entwined his fingers with mine, I could feel his erection harden in between my thighs, and knew he was close too.

I placed his hands on my breasts as we climaxed, I slowed my body gradually, feeling him pulsate within me, I then lay on his chest and kissed him. Listening to the sounds of our panting slowly ease.

There was no awkward moment after, everything felt natural.

We got in to bed, and layed together. I could hear kendalls heart beat. It sounded almost magical.

He played with my hand with his fingers, etching out imaginary circles with them.

"I've had feelings for you for a while you know" he admitted.

"I had no idea kendall" I said looking up at him.

"Do you think you will regret this in the morning?" he looked away from my face as he spoke.

I thought about it. would i regret this? I didnt feel any regret at the face facts, I spent the entire evening in kendalls company, and only ever felt joy, thats how i always felt when i was with him. Plus he was 21 now. It wouldnt be frowned apon as such. I've had worse scandals...

"Nope 100% unregrettable. I do believe" I followed it up with a slow kiss on his lips. Then rested my head back to his brushed his unruly hair back with his hand and smile


	6. Chapter 6

The morning after the night before was even better than the night.

Kendall and I didn't sleep at all, we talked til morning about everything and anything.

We had sex again too.

It was just approaching 9am, I was still very much entangled with kendalls body when his alarm sounded.

"Damn I gotta get ready, I'm meeting my mom at 10 for breakfast" he tried to free himself from our tangle.

I made a sad face at him."Will you be back home tonight?" I asked.

"Yes I will" he kissed my forehead as he got out of bed."Is that your way of requesting my company again miss Lloyd?"

"It might be Mr Schmidt" I toyed.

He climbed back in the bed on top of me.

"In that case I will see you at 7:30" and he kissed my neck seductivly, working his way up to my mouth to give me a parting gift kiss with his tongue.

His sweet cool breath on my face made me light headed.

He made his exit to the bathroom and I heard the shower turn on.

Wow!

Time to collect my thoughts. Definitely no regrets still in them. I glanced to the window, another beautiful day was beginning in LA.

I wondered if kendall wanted this to be a regular thing? Like a couple thing?

Geez calm down sheriden, its only been one night... One night! and my feelings for kendall had totally flipped round and upside down. It made my heart ache for him just thinking about it.

Jesus how can I just suddenly be in love with the guy.

Kendall had said he felt strong for me for a while, had I felt strong for him too without even realising it? I got out of bed and spied my clothes on the floor.

Kendall must have lobbed my bra off in all his haste. I found it almost over the other side of the room.

I giggled to myself, and climbed back in to my Calvin Klein dress and buckled my shoes back on. I shoved my underwear in my purse, no one will no if I'm commando under here I thought.

Kendall emerged from the bathroom, his hair a damp scruffy mess on his head, and wearing only a towel around his waste.

His beautiful green eyes smiling at me."Hope you were going to say goodbye?" he smirked.

I strutted over to him, kissed him on the lips."I think I may be a bit in love with you right now kendall".

Our heights matched now I had my shoes on. His eyes shot through me like bullets.

He smiled his American smile at me.

"Wait two minutes and I will walk you down to your car". He said.

He quickly dressed, and towel dried his hair. He didn't take my hand once we were out of the safety of his hotel room, but I slyly slid my hand in his palm as we got in the elevator.

"I wasn't sure if you wanted this public?" He raised our clenched hands to point at them with his other.

"public is cool" I whispered.

Kendall laughed and looked up to the elevator ceiling grinning.

Walking through the hotel lobby with kendall holding my hand and wearing last nights party clothes was exhilarating stuff. I had held his hand a bunch of times, but it was always at some function of some description, it had never just been for fun, and this was fun. I could just see the headlines now read "sheriden lloyd bags toy boy" .

Ah what the hey! We made our way across the lobby and in to the car park elevator. Kendall seemed nervous.

"All okay in there" I questioned.

He smiled, "yeah all fine, my heart feels like its going to explode".

I laughed out loud. "Your first public scandal, its gonna be rough" I teased.

Kendall pulled me in towards him and kissed me slow and sensual, biting my lip as he broke free, his hand on my waist slipped further down, giving my bum a circular stroke. He then realised I had no underwear on and gave me a gentle pat before he gave out a chuckle. My face flushed, and welcomed the elevator doors opening in to the dimly lit parking lot.

We found my Mercedes.

"See you tonight?" His blond eyebrows high with hope.

"7:30 as agreed" I promised.

I found the key fob in my purse and pushed the button to unlock the opened the door for me.

He kissed me on the cheek as I walked up to the open door.

"See you sheriden" his voice almost a whisper, he closed my door for me, I started the engine and gave him a nod of my head before driving off.

He was still stood there as I checked my mirror before turning out of the lot.

As I returned home, I could hear the beep of my answer machine, I wasn't in the mood to be bogged down by work just yet, it had been so long since I felt care free, I wanted to enjoy it. I ran a bath, turned some music on. I found my cell to check Twitter quick, some party pictures had made their way on already. But nothing of great interest for me, I got in the bath and drifted away.

I ended up having spent half the morning in the bath, by the time I was out and dressed it was near on lunch, I listened to my answer machine, James had left me one asking what time I'm getting to the party and that he wouldn't forget the guitar for kendall. I presumed he just covered all angles seeing as he had sent a similar text.

I wondered why kacey hadn't gone in the end, his text definitely mentioned her.

I wondered what he would make of me seeing kendall. He found the brief idea of me and Logan hysterical.

I rummaged through the fridge for something I might find tempting. My stomach and head still didn't feel great from the shots I had last Night, so I just settled on some grapes for now. I spun my phone in my hand, do I or don't I tell Carlos about kendall?

I decided not to.

I liked it being the kendall and sheriden show for now. We didn't need any extras just yet.

I grabbed my keys and left for work.

The drive home from work was hot. I fiddled with my air con, but it must of died on me.

When I got home I needed to shower, I got my clothes out ready for my date with kendall, just simple, white shorts and a floral top. I did my hair in a scruffy bun, found a nice pair of sparkly sandals and left the house for kendalls.

Kendall lived just over half hours drive from my house, he lived in a posh looking rented town house. I had been there only a handful of times. His house was homely, the only expenses he had really splashed out on for his home were the electronic gadgets and a cleaning lady, kendall had the reputation of being messy. I know Carlos constantly moaned about kendalls bad habits.

I pulled in to the drive and parked up. I gave my hair one last check in my mirror.

As I walked up to kendalls door I panicked that maybe he had decided it was all a mistake. I wished I had called him before I left the door opened before I reached it, and kendall stood in the doorway smiling. He wore a black tee and red cargo pants. His blond hair swept over his face, some strays covering his eyes. He looked at ease.

Why would I ever of worried. This is kendall I was talking about after all.

"Miss Lloyd, I do believe your early" he jested.

"Hello handsome" I kissed him lightly on the lips.

"Come on in" he had a cheeky smirk on his face.

I surveyed kendalls home with new eyes. a huge cream long piled rug filled the room, there was a large glass topped black table that looked like it had been pushed to one side to house a games controller for easier reach from the couch. His flat screen tv had a playstation game paused on it. He must of heard my car pull up to drag himself away from that.

To my surprise Kevin, kendalls brother walked in the room holding a soda in one hand and a glass in the other, he had a bag of chips clenched between his teeth. He sat down on the black leather couch and took the chips from his mouth.

"Hi" he said as he picked up the games controller.

"Hi" I replied with a small wave of my hand.

Kendall ushered me through to the kitchen. The kitchen had white units and a black marble top, the whiteness of the units made the kitchen feel bigger than it was.

"sorry I didn't realise you had a guest" .

"Well its only my brother for now, but some of the boys will be 'round later. They kind of talked me in to it. I didn't know kev was gonna be staying till I got back here quick after lunch".

He looked embarrassed that he had momentarely cocked our first date up.

"I would of called you but I didn't want to put you off. Your the only thing that's kept me going today" he rubbed the side of my face with his hand.

"No its my fault, I just assumed when you said you would be home you would be alone, it doesn't matter that you're not" I caressed his arm.

"We could go out?" he offered.

"No kendall honestly, I'm good for this, I know its early days but I really want this to work, and that usually entails people knowing, so..." I pulled him in for a kiss."Why don't you start with your brother" I entwined his fingers with mine.

"Kev already knows sheriden" he looked at his feet like a naughty school boy.

"Well... that's good," I lifted his chin and smiled at him, his beautiful eyes smiled back."Are you ready to let people know? I mean if you've changed your mind its cool, we can still go back to how we were". My smile had faded a fraction as i spoke.

"No way, I want this so bad, I want you so bad, I just don't wanna scare you off by coming on to fast". His own honesty had embarrassed him.

"Kendall I'm a big girl, your thinking about stuff to much, I'm just me remember, not the girl they print shit about in the press. Just sheriden, you can't always please every one, but I need to know you can try to at least cope with this situation... I don't wanna lose you to the trolls in the papers or the fake friends in your life that pass judgements"

"I'll be fine" he kissed my nose and walked over to his fridge."Drink?" He waved a soda in my direction.

"Sure, thanks" I replied.

He walked back to me and put the drinks on the counter top, he pushed his body in to mine, I was backed up against his kitchen counter.

He kissed my neck. It felt cool on my warm skin and sent shivers down my spine. He moved to my lips, letting my tongue slip inside him. He felt so gentle, my heart ached.

His arms wrapped themselves around my tiny waist and visions of last night came flooding back to me, his tongue felt more seductive now, he was teasing me with it.

"What the fuck is this?!" Carlos yelled as he entered the kitchen.

Kendall was glued to the spot. He never mentioned Carlos to me in his fears of people not wanting us to be together, but I knew Carlos would of been on the top of his list.

"Hey los" I chided.

"Dont hey los me, why didn't you guys just tell me?" He seemed annoyed."Well..." I looked at kendall, and continued "...its a very new development" I added a wry smile to my face.

"Well I wish you had of warned me at least". He snapped.

"So... so what do you..think?" Kendall mumbled.

"I think your way out your league kendall. And I think the press are gonna beat you down" Carlos argued.

"Carlos, may I just say that I really don't give a shit what you think" My adopted American accent from my years here faded from my voice as it snapped at Carlos.

Kendall took my hand to try calm me down, Carlos eyed this kind gesture with scepticism. After what seem like an eternity of silence Carlos spoke.

"she could do worse I Spose" he paused to think.

"don't fuck her about, I don't want it weird between us!" he added, He then gave a weak smile and left the kitchen.

Well if Carlos was at the top of kendalls list, I would say the rest would be easy.

"He must really like you" I giggled and gave kendall an excited squeeze.

Kendall let out a laugh, grabbed the sodas and my hand and walked me to the living area on the opposite black leather couch to where Kevin and Carlos were playing their basketball game.

"It's weird! gonna take me a while to get used to seeing you two together like that" Carlos said as he shifted in his seat as he spoke but didn't move his eyes from the flatscreen.

"Carlos YOUR weird, but I don't tell you how to live your life, or what girls to date"

My immature comment made Carlos look away from the screen. He tried not to, but he let out a laugh.

A knock came to the large glazed front door of the house. My heart pounded, I could do with out James' ridicule right now, and wished I had taken kendall up on his offer of going out.

Kendall left my side to answer the door, and relief washed over me as I saw Logan and dustin walk in. dustin was one of the guitarists from the boys band, he was also part of our unconventional family, I knew him well.

Kendall walked them through to the kitchen. I could hear them swapping tales of last nights party.

Carlos and Kevin were exchanging basketball insults, and complaining to the flatscreen.

I briefly thought about feigning ill to escape this awkward evening, but then reminded myself of what I had just said to kendall about handling the situation. I would ride it out. Just hope James would go easy on me when he arrived.

Just after 11 the boys decided to call it a night from the playstation.

The evening went smoothly really, Carlos had a laugh with me, Kevin seemed nice, we had made some small talk in the kitchen. I think he was expecting me to be wilder, but I didn't feel any dissaproval coming from his tone about me dating his brother.

Logan and dustin didn't seem too fascinated by the new turn of events. I got the impression Logan knew this would happen, maybe kendall had once told him he liked me more than a friend.I recalled Logan and mines conversation in the car yesterday, and the look he had given me when he asked if I was looking forward to the party, that made my mind up that Logan must of known something.

I stood up from the black couch to say some farewells, Kendalls guests left with a flurry of cheek kisses towards me, and some brotherly hugs between the boys. Kevin made some awkward chit chat before declaring that it was his bed time.

My mind flashed to james. I wondered why he hadn't come. I didn't ask kendall, I knew he must still think James and I had slept together when he didn't return to his hotel room in Florida all those months ago.

I really should clear that up with kendall, but that story can wait for another day.

"Alone at last" kendall sighed.

He took both my hands and pulled me in for a kiss.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" I probed him with my finger.

"No that was nice" he smiled.

"Are you up early tomorrow?" His eyes scanning my face.

I grinned, letting him know I had decoded his intentions.

"Erm...fairly early, but I think I might be able to lose a bit of sleep if it means I can be with you" I replied.

Kendall laughed. I kissed his chest through his black tee, then pulled him over to the couch.

He seemed shy today, I guessed the alcohol in his system helped him out last night. I tugged at his tee, he got the message and took it off.

Kendall was medium in build, he played sports more than working out, but he was at ease with his own body, his lightly tanned skin felt good to touch.

I kissed his chest, he gave out a small moan. I had to hand it to him, kendall handled sleeping with an ex supermodel well. I didn't intimidate him one bit, and I loved that.

I stood up and took my top off. kendall sat back and enjoyed the show.I teased him by slowly unbuttoning my shorts and slipped them down my long tanned legs. I un clipped my brazier and kendall stood up, he pulled me in close, kissing my shoulder. I undid his cargo pants, and he freed his feet from them. with his hands around my waist he lifted me up round his. My legs wrapped around his body. He knelt over and placed me on the huge cream rug, he lay on top of me, the weight of his body on mine made my breath shallow. I could feel his erection against my underwear.

His kisses were hard and fast. I stroked my hands across his back. He worked his mouth down to my breasts. And took it in turn to lick each of my nipples.

I let out a groan to show my appreciation.

His attention turned back to the kissing, he worked his mouth across my stomach, and to my thighs, another moan escaped my lips. And he removed my panties.

He went back to kissing either sides of my inner thigh.

He worked his hands up my legs and caressed my breasts in turn.

I needed him to make love to me, I gently guided his head back level with my own and pulled his underwear down with my feet. I was urgent now, I wanted him to please my body, kendalls breathing was intense as he kissed my lips.

He slipped himself inside me, the weight of him adding to my pleasure, his body slowly rocked against mine. kissed his neck slowly, running my tongue against his skin his breathing became staggered.

He went deeper inside me. He was gentle and in control of how he wanted to please me. His hand travelled down to my thigh, taking in every detail with his fingers. my heart ached,"I love you" I whispered.

His gorgeous green eyes smiled back at me as he went to kiss me in approval, his tongue pleasuring my own.

Biting my lip and working his way to my neck, my body pulsed. I couldn't take much more of his pleasure, he teased his tongue on my neck. Mixed with small delicate kisses.

I moaned and moved my hands down to his lower back, I pressed on his back to guide him even deeper inside me. I panted at the feeling.

His body movement steady and slow, he made the climax ease out of me. It felt so good, waves of pleasure entering my body. I had lost control of my vocal chords, and moans of pleasure escaped my lips


	7. Chapter 7

"Can you stay the night?" Kendall asked as he got his shirt back on.

"I could but I'm up at 7, and I think you could do with a decent lay in, so il drive back tonight" i replied as I Tidied my hair and un creased clothes in a mirror that was next to the front door.

"Yeah that does sound good actually" he said scratching his head.

"Im guessing I won't see you for a couple of days now?" I looked at his reflection in the mirror as I spoke.

"well I'm back on set for the show tomorrow, but I don't mind the late nights, if you wanna hook up?" He replied as he sat down on the couch previously occupied by Kevin and Carlos.

"sure I'm up for some late nights. I can't tomorrow though it will be way too late by the time I get back home, I've got a client meeting in san Diego... Shit that reminds me I need to phone Ralph about my air con" I rummaged in my bag for my cell.

"Ralph?" kendall smirked.

"Yeah, Ralph looks after my cars for me, do you think its too late to call? I really need that air con fixed early tomorrow" I tipped the contents of my bag on the glass topped table."Shoot, I must of left my cell at home" I rolled my eyes at my own annoyance.

"Here, use mine" kendall felt in his pocket and pulled out his iphone.

"No its no good. I don't know the number off by heart" I began refilling my purse."Il just take the 4x4, its a pain in the Ass to drive, but at least it will be cool inside" I added.

I stood up straight with my purse full again, and pulled kendall to his feet off the couch.

"Well I best get going" I circled my thumb in his hand.

"Are you sure you won't stay" he looked right through me with those green eyes.

I gave him a thoughtful look, "I'll call you tomorrow okay, I expect my cell is about somewhere. tonight was amazing"

I gave him a gentle kiss on the lips and reached for the door.

"love you shoo" kendall whispered.

I smiled at him glad he had finally said it back.

The drive home went by quick, my head full of so many thoughts that were all so new to me. Once home I headed straight for bed, I was shattered. I got changed in to some light cotton pyjamas.

I briefly acknowledged my cell phone on top of my clothes chest and tutted to myself.

I set my bed side clock for 7 then drifted off to sleep.

I got woken up by my cellphone ringing. I checked the time on the bed side clock which read 6:15, so I thought who ever that was can call back in 45 minutes, and drifted back to sleep, but only minutes had passed when I heard the door chime play.

Jesus! Do I never get a moments peace! I hauled my over tired body out of bed and grabbed my hot pink dressing gown, I put it on as I went down the stairs towards the door.

"James? What are you doing here". I said as I tried to tame my bed head hair.

"Well I guess this explains why you didn't bother to call me back yesterday, you could of said, instead of making me look like a complete dick" he moaned as he shoved a copy of the L.A. times in to my chest, I took it, and looked at the front page.

My heart sank, a full colour picture of kendall and I kissing.

The picture was taken from a stillshot of a cctv camera in the parking lot elevator from the hotel, the paper boasted that if you went on line you could watch the 1 minute 37 second full video of our lift antics.

Shit!

I was confused, I didn't get why James was that pissed at me he felt the need to come round this early, and bite my head off.

"Why are you yelling at me James?" I walked in to my lounge, and sat down, he followed but he wouldn't sit.

"I called you like a million times yesterday, I left loads of messages. Kacey and me are finished" he said

"Shit I'm so sorry James, I left my cell at home last night" I got up from my seat to go get my phone from upstairs. James grabbed my hand, his grip almost hurt.

"That is a mistake you are making!" he hissed as he pointed to the picture of me and kendall in the paper.

He let go of my hand and walked out the room. I heard my front door slam shut and looked out the window to see James speed off in his truck.

Fuck, what the hell was all that about. I scanned through the paper to read the entire story, apparently, according story kendall and I had been together for weeks, but we kept it on the down low, jays picture was in a small inset in the corner of the story.

They described him as an old on off love interest of mine. And then listed a few of the names I had been linked with since his death.

I chucked the paper on the floor, and sat down with my head in my hands.

"Cell" I spoke aloud to myself and got up to go listen to the broken hearted moans of how kacey had dumped James.

As I finished listening to the voicemail messages James had left me I felt sick.

He had left 6 in total and tried to phone me 14 times.

It wasnt as simple as I thought.

Kacey had not dumped James, it was him that had ended it between them. And according to his other messages it was all because of me.

The first message told how him and kacey hadn't been great for a while, and he was sick of the arguements, I presumed this is why she was absent from kendalls birthday celebrations.

His 4th voicemail that was left, told of his feelings for me, he said he loved me, he always had and he would do anything for me. He begged me to call him back.

The 5th message he left was mostly of incoherent ramblings which I couldn't always follow, but apparently Carlos had some choice words with James at kendalls party. after James had declared his true intentions about me to him, Carlos was pissed with James, saying how can he be serious about me when he was still very much with kacey and that's why he had left early.

The last message was the worst. He was tearful, sounded drunk, and pleaded with me to call him, even if its to say to get lost. He said he had never lost touch of our connection. Then the message ended.

those last words took me back to cocoa beach, with the still ocean, and the nerves in my stomach sitting on that blanket with James.

Shit!

I was running very late now, I had to get my ass in gear and get to san Diego,

I pushed James from my mind and showered and dressed. I forced some cereal in me, I felt sick to the stomach, but I didnt want the papers running a story of anorexia on me, that would just send me over the top.

I decided to pay James a quick visit before I left for san Diego, I didn't want to tell kendall anything he didn't need to know and cause a rift between them.

I briefly wondered how different kendalls 21st could of been if Carlos hadn't had words with James which made him leave.

I pulled up outside James' just after 8:30, I didn't have to be in san Diego untill midday, so hopefully traffic would be kind and I will make it in plenty of time.

I rang the bell, James lived in a large bungalow style house, it was very modern, had a huge drive that was littered with old trucks he was doing up, and had a large double garage to the side of the was no answer.

I got half way back to my car when I heard his front door click open.

"Hey" he said quietly.

"Hey you", I replied. "Can i come in?"

"Sure" he moved from the door to Invite me in.

We walked in, inside James' house was very neat. Open plan and designer, he had an eye for detail, all his furniture flowed through his home.

He sat down on the edge of an oak coffee table in the living area and put his head in his hands.

I sat on the L shaped sofa that dominated the room, it had corded cushions and a leather base. I toyed with the cordoruy between my fingers in an to attempt to calm my heart rate down.

"Did you listen to the messages?" He asked, still with his face covered.

"Yeah I did" I looked at the floor."James..." my voice cracked "you know how I feel about you, but I can't just drop everything" I looked at the top of James' head as he rubbed his temple with his thumbs.

"I didn't know there was anything to drop" he said through gritted teeth.

"Hey" my voice was soft.

I went over to him and crouched down to his level and pryed his hands away from his face.

"Nor did I James, thats the thing, kendall and me have only been going for 2 days, I had no clue what was going on in your head at all"

He shrugged.

"I can't just let kendall down because you want a new girlfriend, I feel strongly for him" I explained.

James looked up to me.

"Do you love him?" His voice was soft and shook.

"I think I might , yeah." I rubbed his loosened me from my hold on his hands to wipe his eyes.

"You know what?" He asked "I love you" silent tears left his eyes as he blinked.

"I had no idea James, least not that much of an idea anyway" I replied with a little grin.

he gave a sad smile, I presume he was thinking of the sly cheek/lips kiss we often did.

"Have you told anyone all this. what's been going on in that head of yours...kacey?" I spoke her name cautiously.

"No only Carlos, but he doesn't think there is anything in it, he just assumes I want to conquer you."

He grabbed my hands and held them to his face.

"So what did you tell kacey? You must of given her a reason?" I stroked his face to try to sooth him.

"Just that I wasn't feeling it no more" he placed my hands on my lap and let go.

I checked my watch, it had gone 9 now.

"You gotta be somewhere?" He said standing up from the table edge.

I took his place where he had sat."Yeah, San Diego, I gotta get moving or im gonna be late." I sighed.

"James are you going to tell kendall how you feel?" I looked at the grey and white swirly patterned rug at my feet.

"I gotta go back on set with him today" he paced the floor.

"Yeah I know you do" I stood up, the swirls were making my head spin.

"You really think you love him?" He stopped to look at my face.

"Yeah I do... I'm sorry" I looked back to the swirls, a spinning head was better than the heart break I could see in those beautiful brown eyes.

"I won't say a word sheri" he walked towards me and wrapped his strong arms around me. He kissed the top of my head.

"I'm so sorry" I spoke in to his chest, he held me tighter.

He walked me to my 4x4 in his drive."Take care sheriden" he said as he opened up my door.

"Call me if you need to talk James okay...Promise" I gave him a stern look.

"I promise" and he walked away in to the house.

The traffic had allowed me time to get to san Diego with ease. I was meeting up with some local fashion designers, they wanted my models to campaign there clothes and accessories for them and I needed to seal the deal today with a meeting and contract signing followed by a dinner date for good measure.

It had been a while since I had head lined a paper. I was glad in the end that James showed me it, I wouldnt of had a clue other wise untill someone else would of mentioned my latest scandal.

I decided to get a coffee before my meeting and phone kendall, he shouldn't of left for the set just yet.

I got back in the 4x4 with my coffee and a chocolate chip muffin. I figured the sugar intake would do me good.

I fished my cell out my purse and dialled kendalls number.

He answered after a few rings:

"hi shoo" he sounded happy, so at least James hadn't complicated things for him.

"hi, listen...have you seen the news today?" I picked at my muffin.

He laughed "yeah I seen it, does it bother you?"

"No not really, just a bit of a blush fest isn't it? I picked crumbs off my top and tossed them out the window.

"Yeah my mom called me to see if it was true" he let out a forced chuckle.

"Was she alright about it or..." I smoothed the steering wheel with my thumb.

"She was...concerned ha!" He had chosen his words well. He continued, "look sheriden, don't worry okay, everything is great, and besides its more about James now" He said.

I froze. "What do you mean about James?"

I removed my muffin from my lap, my appetite had died.

"You not been online? It's all over Twitter. He finished it with kacey and she has lost the plot, she has sparked some kind of internet rampage on him. I tried calling him but no answer as yet"

I sighed, poor James.

"Oh" was all i could manage out.

"She's not done herself any favours, there is already twitter hate campaigns going on against her, she is gonna ruin her record signing. I thought they was going good?" he paused.

"Sheriden you sure you okay?" His voice full of concern.

"Yeah ...yeah I'm fine, just needed to hear your voice, been a crazy kind of morning" I faked out a giggle to ease his worry.

"Yeah its good to hear you too, I'm leaving in a bit though, so gonna have to love you and leave you" he mocked a sad voice but his words made me smile.

"Aww you love me?" My voice went up an octave.

He laughed "I may be a little smitten with you, yes" his words made my heart ache.

"I like smitten" my stomach had made room for butterflies to fill it.

Kendall laughed "im gonna have to go now, call you later?"

I groaned at his departing words.

"Yeah! I'll look forward to it. I'm seeing you tomorrow night too yeah?" I placed my muffin back on my lap.

"Yeah about ten though, is that cool?"

His voice was sceptic.

"Yeah its better than nothing, come to mine okay" I began to pick at the muffin again.

"Sure, that's fine, I'll talk to you later sheriden...I love you"

i could here the smile in his voice.

My heart melted.

"Love you too, speak soon", I Hung up my phone, and stretched my arms over the back of the head rest with a smile on my face.

He loves me i thought. And shook my head with a giggle.

My head came back to earth with thoughts of james. I felt so bad for him, he didnt deserve any of kaceys shit. He was one in a million, and she had punched well above her weight to snag him in the first place.

My day had gone as I had wished and I had made it home just before Midnite. I sat in the lounge.

House keeping must of had a giggle at my expense today as the news paper I tossed on the floor was now neatly stored on my side cabinet.

I grabbed my laptop and switched it on, my internet home page boasted a picture of myself, I sighed.

I signed in to Twitter to check the latest on james. People had trended some hash tag topics about him, most of the comments were in his favour, some not so.

I checked my cell, he hadn't phoned, so i guess he was doing okay.

For the first time since I had properly met James I wished he didn't have that electric hold on me. The connection between us now seemed to be stabbing me in the heart.

I'll call him just to make sure he's okay I thought.

I pressed his name on my cell and it rang.

"...Sheriden?" He sounded rough.

"hey, sorry did I wake you?" I wish I'd of left it til morning to call now.

"Ya its cool though, how you doin?" His voice had cleared.

"I'm okay yeah, just wanted to check you were alright, I was worried about you" my heart was pounding in my chest.

"I'm...okay too..you know?" His hesitance bothered me,

"You... wanna come over and talk it to death? ...I feel I owe you james"

"You don't owe me anything sheri, but a chat sounds good...if your sure?" His tone perked up.

"Yeah its fine, course its fine but just a chat though yeah, no hidden agendas"

Shit was this a mistake?

"Yeah I know... I'll be round in ten" he agreed.

"Okay bye" I replied

"Bye" came his departing words.

Maybe this was a massive mistake, what was I thinking? its just tempting fate.

James and I talked til gone 3. He seemed a lot chirpier than he did the previous morning. He was very honest with me and told me exactly how he felt, the words he used to describe it reminded me of kendalls love song that he sang to me just a few nights before.

I was honest with James too, I admitted things to him that I hadnt even admitted to my self before, turned out I was pretty hooked on him also, once all the emotional things had been talked through we kind of slipped back in to our old habits of flirty comments and private looks at each other as we shared some crazy memories.

I felt happy. He didn't mention kendall, so nor did I.

I woke up late in the afternoon the next day. I layed in bed with a thousand thoughts in my head.

I was so glad James came over last night, hopefully things will start to get back to some kind of normality now.

And tonight was my night with kendall, my stomach filled with butterflies at the thought of it.

The day dragged like a rock, but kendall had just pulled up in to my driveway, I pretty much skipped to the door. I opened it before he could ring the chime.

I leapt in to him, my arms and legs wrapped tightly around him.

"Hello" he said with a smile and I shut the door with a kick of my foot which dangled behind kendall.

Kendall and I made it up stairs to my bedroom, he had never been in it before, I saw his eyes patrol all the details they could.

my room was full of white furniture, the bed had a huge white iron head board, the dressing table was antique with queen anne style legs with an ornate mirror on top which I could see our reflection in.

He scanned a black and white picture of myself on the wall, it was big, and was of me strutting down the catwalk wearing a Gucci dress and I donned huge feathers in my hair.

I wasn't in the mood to mess about tonight, the thought of kendall coming over had given me unmentionable thoughts all day.

I removed his clothes in a flash, and let him undress me, again he toyed with my brazier, kendall was definitely a breast man. He layed me down after he had freed me from my underwear and lingered over my nipples, he sucked them gently, I could feel my body throb for him, and pulled him on top to enter me...After we had made love I layed in his arms.

"We are pretty intense hey" I thought out loud.

"Yeah, we are, but I like it" he kissed me on the forehead.

"Sheriden how much do you miss the runway?" He was looking at my picture on the wall.

"I would be lying if I said not much, put it that way" I looked at the picture too.

"Do you think I'm vain for having that up? I raised my eyebrows.

"No, just I've never really heard you talk about it, or your skiing accident" his words made me think of James, i always ended up calling james if ever I needed a shoulder to cry on which most the time was about me missing the catwalk or the pain in my back had gotten so bad i needed a friend to hug, sometimes it was also about jay...

"There's not much to tell" I lied.

"How long were you in hospital for?" The hand of the arm he had wrapped around me now stroked my scar with his fingers.

"9 weeks" I sighed.

"Your an amazing girl you know" he kissed my head again.

"Are you still coming with me to the K.V.A next week?" His voice more upbeat at the change of conversation.

The K.V.A's are the "kids vote awards" a yearly run red carpet award ceremony run by the boys cable channel in which the viewers vote for there favorite show.

"Yes I'm still going, if that's still okay?" I poked him in the stomach with my finger.

"Cool I get to publicly show you off for the first time then" he smirked.

"yes you will, I promise to behave and not embarrass you" I twirled my finger round his nipple. He smiled and looked up at the ceiling


	8. Chapter 8

The week swam by to the day of the K.V.A's the boys turned up together and greeted fans that were outside, they won two awards, did interviews and generally messed around in a half in half out form of there comedy characters from the show.

we arrived at the after party just after 9pm, it was nice to relax and mingle together with other stars from all the shows and the guests from the awards ceremony.

Kendall sure wasn't joking when he said he wanted to show me off, he held my hand and paraded me round to nearly everyone he had ever met that was at the party. I found it fairly amusing.

If he couldn't believe that I had sat next to him on a mini bus down to miami then he must be in seventh heaven right now.

The after party was in a huge room, low lighting and a live band playing for our entertainment. There were a few white clothed tables scattered about but mostly people were stood chatting or dancing.

The alcohol was flowing well that night, Logan for example had been having far too much fun and was put in a limo and sent on his way home after he fell over trying to sit down at a table, he spilt drinks everywhere, I expect he will be very red faced tomorrow.

I noticed James talking to some boys in a band. He winked at me. I think he was trying to avoid me and kendall like the plague. kendall didn't know this though so james couldn't exactly run away when we came towards him.

I went to give James his usual hug and kiss, the kiss this time was most definitely on the cheek, so far on the cheek he almost kissed my ear.

I couldnt help but smile, James did too then he had to look at the floor to compose himself from laughing.

We chatted about just stuff in general and the two of them were joined by carlos and a guy with a camera, they jumped all over each other goofing off for the camera, and pulling odd faces. The camera guy took some of me and kendall, and tammi and carlos, James hadnt brought a date, I was pleased.

The camera guy left us to it and we stood chatting for a while, people kept coming up to talk to the boys.

I was so proud of all of them, they had really cracked it now, and the hype they generated about the third season of the show they were currently filming was amazing.

Before I even knew what had happened, tammi who had been stood next to me got shoved in to my side and covered in her own drink then fell to the floor. I helped pick her up, and could hear screaming coming from our group.

It was kacey, she was in James' face screaming abuse at him, accusing him of ruining her career.

James tried to walk away but kacey had a firm grip of his wrist.

"Oi you crazy Bitch" tammi shouted.

"Fuck off" kacey slurred her words back at tammi.

James was so calm, he didn't look like he had any fight left in him.

He wouldn't even look at kaceys face.

No one really knew what to do, I think carlos had gone to try and find was trying to yank kaceys hand off of James.

I had never liked tammi, but right this minute I loved her.

Kendall was trying to talk to kacey to make her see sense and James just looked at me. His face drawn, just staring in to my eyes whilst being pushed about by a drunken insane ex.

Tammi managed to break the contact of kacey and James but kacey had gone mad, she shoved tammi back over on the floor then gave James an almighty slap round the face.

She must of given it her all as she ended up on the floor too. Then tammi had her turn, she started screaming and pulling at kaceys hair.

I noticed James had just walked pulled tammi off of kacey.

I thought of Logan, at least he wouldn't take the butt of the gossip now this had happened.

I couldn't see James anywhere.

The entire incident only lasted a minute or more but it seemed to go on forever.

Security had finally got involved, kendall took my hand and steered me away from the drama.

"Where's James gone?" I searched the crowds.

"I don't know baby" kendall also scanned the groups of people.

"I cant let him go like that" I pulled kendall by the hand to the far side of the room, I shoved my hand in my purse and pulled out my cell.

My hands where shaking, I dialled James' number, it rang out.

I was getting myself in a panic.

"Sheriden...sheriden, look at me!" Kendall took my head in his hands."We will find him, calm down" he rubbed my face.

"Kendall can we go? I cant stay here" my eyes welled.

"Sure we can, cmon we will try James again in a minute". he gave me sympathetic smile.

We walked through the doors to the red carpeted foyer.

The air was fresher out here, but still filled with people. Kendall nudged me, I looked at him and he nodded in direction, I followed his gaze and saw Carlos stood with James.

Carlos looked so small stood next to him. I pulled kendall over to glanced at mine and kendalls hands entwined together I let go and grabbed James' face and turned it to look at his slapped cheek.

"Shit" I heard kendall say behind me as he too looked at the cheek.

James' face was already starting to bruise. It was red and looked raw.

"Jesus!" I said, our group was momentarily in silence.

"Back to mine?" Kendall spoke up to break the awkwardness.

"Yeah il go get tammi" Carlos said and walked off.

The three of us stood in silence, kendall had taken my hand again. I don't think any of us could take in the nights events.

I nudged kendall and put my cell in his hand mouthing the word "cab", he took it and walked off to a quieter corner.

"James?" I said in a whisper, a tear escaped from my face.

James just looked at me.

"Please, just say something, anything?" I wiped my face.

"Let's get drunk?" his voice was husky.

I took his hand and pulled him to a set of steps just to the side of where we had stood, we sat down.

"Drinking isn't going to make any of that go away" I looked up at kendall who was still on my phone talking.

"You haven't done anything wrong, and all you gotta do now is keep your temper cool, and your mouth shut, kacey wants a reaction from you, if you don't rise to it then its only a one sided drama." I stroked his arm.

"Why are you so upset about all this anyways?" His eyes bore deep inside me as he spoke.

"...Shock? And 'cause it hurt me seeing you there like that"

I bent my back in an inwards stretch.

"Is it hurting?" James surveyed my body movements.

"Yeah, twinges a bit, tammi knocked in to me when she fell down", I gave my scar a rub.

Kendall walked back over and sat next to me on the steps.

"Our car will be here in a few minutes" he fiddled with a loose thread on his shoe.

"Thanks man, sorry about all this...kacey is fucking nuts" James said as he stared at kendalls efforts to remove the thread.

Carlos and tammi came out of the after party doors and stood talking to a tall bald man who I didnt recognise, tammi was very vocal still and moving her hands in the air to emphasize what ever she was describing.

The tall man seemed sympathetic towards her. And he gave carlos a friendly pat on the shoulder.

"Who's the tall guy" I directed my question to both my companions either side of me.

"That's Ed harris, he is the parent of the production company, I expect he has seen this kind of thing a thousand times" kendall gave James an it doesn't matter look as he said this.

Kendall slung an arm around my shoulders, and gave my cheek a kiss, it felt nice, I was wound so tight.

James put his head in his hands and winced realising the pain from his face.

He stood up.

Carlos and tammi came over just as our car had arrived and we set off to kendalls.

Kendalls home had become a familiar surrounding for me in the last week or so, I had stayed over pretty much every night which was easier for him to look after his many pets.

I had a few essentials stored in kendalls room in an overnight bag, when we arrived at his house I left the guys and tammi by the pool in the back yard, I went up to kendalls bedroom to get changed from my green sequined halter neck dress, it was long and sleek looking. In emerald green it had looked beautiful against my dark tanned skin.

I changed in to one of my bikinis that lived at kendalls, it was white and strapless, a swim I thought, would ease my back pain. I picked another one out to offer to tammi, normally i would of just left her out, but I liked her this evening after her couragious efforts to intervene with kacey and James, i knew she had only done what she did for her own revenge, but it meant something else for me.

I padded bare foot through the house to the garden, handed tammi the bikini, she took it with a surprised smile and went off in to the house.

I saw James looking at me as I entered the pool, his eyes wondered over every inch of my body.

The water was warm and gave my back relief almost instantly. The cool night air felt fresh on my wet face.

I swam over to the edge of the pool where the boys were sat, kendall and Carlos sat with there trousers pulled up and their feet in the water, james was sat forwards in a sun lounger.

"Filmings gonna be postponed for a bit I reckon. No way any make up will cover that up on your face James" Carlos was mid flow in his conversation.

James ran a finger over the ever growing purple bruise on his adonis like face.

He sighed and layed back in his chair with his arms slumped by his side looking at the stars.

"Don't worry bout it, not your fault. At least it will be gone in time for canada" kendall tried to sound up beat about the planned canadian trip in which the guys will film a feature length movie of there show based on the beatles.

Tammi came back outside and got in the pool, she swam over to us.

"I'm gonna get changed, do you guys want some shorts?" kendall gave my head a kiss as he got up and walked in to the house.

Carlos got up and followed him in as his response to the borrowed swim wear. James didn't move or respond.

"I can't believe kacey tonight, what a crazy bitch she was" I nudged and frowned at tammi to remind her of james' presence.

She rolled her eyes and swam off.

"You not coming in?" I splashed water at James.

He sat up."You look hot in that" was his reply.

"Shit James, shut the fuck up" I hissed, I glanced over to tammi to see if she had heard his comment, she was oblivious.

James stood up and started getting undressed, he got down to his boxers and bombed in the pool, a few seconds after carlos did the same but with a loud whoop whoop for good measure, him and tammi were now all over each other.

Kendall poked his head through the door

"Drinks?" He shouted, Four replys came his way all amounting to yesses.

I was still at the side of the pool with my arms rested over the edge where kendall had left me.

James swam up beside me.

"Hows the back?" He mused.

"It's okay, the water helps" I wiped some wet hair from my face.

James held my waist and gently turned me so my back was facing him, he massaged me in the area of my scar, his thumbs pressing in to my skin under the water.

His touch felt magnetic to my pain, his fingers easing the pressure. I closed my eyes to take in the combined pleasure of the warm water and james' incredible touch.

"All okay?" Kendall said, i opened my eyes to see he was stood over us.

James let go of my body.

"Yeah... my back...that's all" I carried on rubbing it myself.

Kendall had already placed a tray of drinks on a table. Then got in the pool and pulled himself in to my body.

He kissed my lips slowly then the tip of my nose.

"I love you" he fitted in as he kissed me again.

"I love you too baby" I spoke in a hushed tone aware of James' eyes and ears on us from just a few feet away.

We finished the night off nicely, just messing about and having a laugh, it diffused the tension from the nights drama with kacey


	9. Chapter 9

Six weeks had passed since the night of the K.V.A's, James wasn't allowed on set to finish filming season 3 untill his face had healed, and I had attempted to ignore my back for a week or more but had to take time off work because the co-codomol tablets I took for the pain made my head spin so much, they knocked me for six.

James and I had hung out a lot in our newly found time off.

Most of it was spent in the trailers on site of the boys show.

Having kendall near by all the time was amazing. We had gone from strength to strength. I was totally besotted with him. We would spend all our free time together practically joined at the hip, or the lips. I was absolutly in love with him.

My pain tablets made my insides churn, I was feeling sick to the stomach, and to make matters worse I only had a few hours left of kendall before he went to the airport to fly to Canada, he would be gone for 5 weeks filming and recording songs with the other boys for the long awaited movie.

I walked back in to James' trailer and resumed my position on the sofa next to him with a duvet surrounding me. carlos and James had finished there filming despite james' 2 week break waiting for his face to heal up, we were just waiting on Logan and kendall to finish.

I watched james play on his xbox. carlos was in his own trailer sleeping.

"Sick again?" He enquired without removing his eyes from the flat screen that Hung on the wall.

"Yeah" I croaked back, pulling James' duvet tighter around my shoulders.

"You need to stop taking those stupid tablets" he advised, eyes still glued to the tv.

"You try having to put up with this pain without it" I snapped back at him.

He paused his game.

"Sorry" he put a friendly arm around my shoulders.

I sighed "no I'm sorry, I'm a cranky Bitch when I'm feeling unwell"

James chuckled at my obvious confession and I snuggled in to his shoulder with my eyes closed taking in his amazing scent.

I awoke to doors being opened and closed,

kendall and Logan stood in the room, I looked up to James face, he was fast asleep with his arm still around me.

I gently moved it and sat up.

"What's that all about" kendall asked pointing at james and I, with attitude in his voice.

"Nothing at all" I shrugged "I wasn't feeling well again" I got out from the duvet.

"Nice!"came his sarcastic reply. Kendall nudged James' foot with his own to wake him up."Oi Casanova its airport time" kendall spoke with slight venom in his voice.

James woke up.

"Ah crap I didn't mean to fall asleep"

James got up and chucked last minute things in to his cases that had been sat ready to go by his trailer door.

Kendall didn't look at me. I was a bit pissed that he had the hump over me being asleep, even if it was on James' shoulder, it was completly innocent. he knew how ill I had been lately, and the fact he was just about to fly out of my life for five weeks and leave on bad terms pissed me off even more.

I stood up and took his hand, said small goodbyes to everyone.

Kendall and I walked out of James' trailer and walked to my car outside the studio.

"I'm gonna miss you baby" I pulled my head in to his chest.

"Gonna miss you too" he said still sounding pissed off.

he opened my car door, I got in and opened the window.

"Kendall I love you"

He kissed me, "I'll call you when I'm there okay" and he tapped my car to give the go ahead to leave.

he walked away before I even started the engine.

Kendall rang late that same night to say he was at the hotel, he sounded distant and pre occupied. He briefly mentioned his hotel being known as haunted but he didn't really talk much more about his trip. He said he was tired and gonna get some sleep.

I felt bad, I didn't like having a stupid rift between us.

If I didn't feel so rough and wasn't so scared of flying I would of boarded the first plane to Canada to be with him.

The next day passed and I waited for a call from kendall that never came. I tried calling him a few times but it just rang out each time.

I hoped he wasn't being worked to hard.

By bed time I had enough of waiting, I phoned Carlos to see what was going on.

"Hey shoo" Carlos answered, he sounded cheery.

"Hey los" I sat with my legs crossed on my bed.

"How you feeling now?" He asked with a concerned tone.

"Same, doctors tomorrow, so hopefully get to the bottom of the pain...listen, can you get kendall to call me. I'm starting to worry". I smoothed my hands over my feet.

"Yeah sure thing, he went out after the studio today, but I'll tell him to call when he gets back, we are doing a ouiji board tomorrow in the hotel, its gonna be good" he laughed hard down the phone at me.

"Okay sounds ...erm fun" I mocked.

Carlos sounded happy enough, if he had picked up from kendall that there was a problem then he would of definitely let me know, Carlos was loyal to me like that.

He said that the filming so far had been hilarious, and wished me luck with my appointment for my back tomorrow.

We said our goodbyes and Hung up.

I wondered where kendall could be in Canada at this time of night on his own and not had the time to answer his phone. He had probably left it in his hotel room.

I settled my self in bed and drifted off to sleep.

I woke up the next day feeling worse, I had never felt so ill, and my back throbbed away to itself.

It was mid morning, I checked my cell, but only had work related messages left for me.

I hoped to god the doctors appointment was gonna get me on my way to better health. It was my birthday in 3 days and I had planned to go out to a top L.A. hot spot to celebrate with my girlfriends seeing as kendall couldn't share it with me.

I showered and dressed, I couldn't face eating anything.

I tried kendalls cell again.

He answered, but he sounded rougher than I did, still in bed half a sleep and judging by his voice Hung over. Again he didnt say much. He sounded very sarcastic towards me. I felt hurt and lost. I told him not to drink in which he replied "whatever" . I Hung up.

How had my kendall turned in to this moody miserable person.

My heart now hurt more than my back.

I grabbed my keys and set off in the car to see my doctor.

I returned home numb.

I didn't even remember much of the journey back to my house .

I put my keys on the lounge side cabinet and sat on my couch with my head in my hands and started to cry.

Pregnant!

thats what the doctors trip had concluded.

Pregnant was what had been wrong with me.

being Pregnant was the cause of my sickness and pregnancy was causing the muscles in my back to fuck up and cause my previouly broken back severe pain.

How the hell was I gonna tell my 21 year old boyfriend he was gonna be a father when he wouldn't even talk to me.

I went to bed and cried myself to sleep.

I woke up the next day, got out of bed and went down stairs, 2 days until my birthday and I wasn't in any mood to celebrate anything so I called my girlfriends to say I had made other plans for my big day and promised we would all go out soon, I couldn't bring myself to say about the baby news, least not before I had told kendall.

He still hadn't tried to call. I got my lap top out and checked Twitter, Carlos had tweeted about the ouiji board antics they had last night, apparently they had run out of the hotel screaming, kendall had been on to declare what song had been recorded and had posted a picture of a double Decker bus promoting the movie. James had posted a picture of him in front of a huge looking castle that was the set location.

If kendall had time to tweet, why the hell hadn't he phoned me.

I bit the bullet and decided to call him, least my news would make him forget about his petty problem of me falling asleep hugging my friend.

I rang the number, it rang then got cut off.

Great so now he was hanging up on me.

I rang it again this time it was switched off.

What the fuck was going on.

The mixture of dread inside me and morning sickness overwhelmed me, I ran to the bathroom to vomit.

The day went by slowly, I spent most of it in front of the tv wrapped in a blanket.

My cell rang and made me jump, it was Carlos. I couldn't speak to him.

He would know something was up with me and wouldn't rest til he had gotten it out of me. I let it ring out.

He left a voice mail asking me to call him back.

I didn't.

I went to bed early hoping tomorrow would bring a better day.

Next morning and kendalls phone still wouldn't answer to me, I sat at my kitchen table and sobbed, Carlos tried to ring again, he sent me a text to say call him.

Just after lunch the door chime rang, it was tammi, Carlos had obviously sent her round to check on me. I let her was shocked at the state of me, I hadn't eaten properly for days and looked gaunt, my eyes were red and puffy from crying, and I was still ill and in more pain with my back as i now couldn't take any pain relief because of the baby.

She was concerned, I didn't really talk much about anything, she also didn't know anything about kendall, Carlos hadn't mentioned him, she just said I needed to call Carlos ASAP.

She wished me better and left.

It had got to the point now that I didn't want to know what was going on, either way it was gonna be bad.

The next morning on my birthday I found out just how bad, the news was full of it.

Pictures of kendall all over some blonde girl in a club in Vancouver.

My hands shook, and my heart ached, I sobbed my heart out in bed for hours.I decided it was time to call Carlos.

"Los?" I croaked on the answered click his end.

"Hey shoo" his voice gentle.

"Is it true?" A sob broke out from my voice.

"Yeah honey... it is...I'm really sorry, I've been trying to call you for days" he spoke urgently now.

I just cried down the phone with my broken sobs.

"Sheriden I'm sorry..." he paused"...but ... I'm pretty sure he has been sleeping with her".

I thought I was going to be sick at hearing those words from Carlos.

"Shoo?" carlos' voice sounded so worried.

I Hung up.

I turned my phone off, I couldn't hear any more. An hour later the door chime rang, I ignored it, the home phone rang almost constantly til I took it off the hook.

The door banged, I could hear tammi trying to talk to me through the door. I sat at the bottom of my stairs and cried until no noise would come out my mouth.

I sat there with my knees in my arms trying to make the hole in my chest close up. hours must of gone by.

The door sounded a gentle rap, I looked at the silhouette through the glass, it wasn't tammi this time, it was a man. Probably some journalist trying to get a good scoop, I ignored it. Then I heard James' voice trying to reason with me to open up.

I did


	10. Chapter 10

I collapsed in James' arms sobbing so hard he actually had to scoop me up to get me away from the door, I couldn't move.

He carried me in to my lounge and sat down with me in his arms.

No words could come out, I just cried untill I couldn't no sat in silence for many minutes after my breath would stop sucking in the cries that would no longer come out.

"What are you doing here?" I whispered.

He held my hands out in front of us as I lay on his lap and he examined them.

"Jumped a plane, figured you might need someone" James' voice was soft, but it saddened me that he had got on a 2 hour plane journey from Vancouver to L.A.X but kendall hadn't even thought about me since he arrived in canada.

My head pounded from the crying.

"It's gonna be okay sheriden" he spoke softly to me.

I shook my head in denial.

"It will be I promise" he kissed the side of my forehead that he could reach.

"It won't ever be alright James" my voice so low it was bairly audible.

"I love him so much" tears silently fell from my face again.

"I know you do sheriden, but you will get over this, your so strong". He wrapped his fingers in to my own.

"I won't get over this...him, James, its not that easy" the sobs began again."I'm... having kendalls... baby" I completly broke down.

I just about heard James sooth in my ear "oh sheriden, come here..." and he pulled me in to his chest as I cried.

James must of held me crying til I fell asleep.

I woke up and it was still light outside.

"What's the time?" My voice was dry and croaky.

"Just after 6pm sheri" he sat me up and stroked my hair from my face.

"Does kendall know?" he took a deep breath "about the baby I mean"

He had pain in his tone.

"No... I only found out 3 days ago, your the only person that knows"

I rubbed my aching head.

His next words were cautious, "are you... gonna keep it?"

I looked at James, the pain in my face made him look away.

"Yeah I am" I replied.

He hugged me.

"It's all going to be fine okay" his words were meant for me, but I felt he was reassuring himself too.

"When was the last time you ate?" He scanned my frail looking frame with worried eyes.

"Im not sure, but I physically couldn't eat a thing James"

I crossed my arms against my chest to try to dull the ache in my heart.

"Cmon, its not just you you have to worry about now huh" he pulled my hands away from myself and gently pulled me to my feet.

James led me to the kitchen and pulled a chair out for me to sit in, he proceeded to make me some food insisting I would feel better after I had eaten.

He sat across from me at the table and made sure I got some food inside me.

I asked how Carlos knew kendall had slept with this mystery girl, he informed me that the rooms were next door to each other and it was pretty obvious from the noise.

Kendall had been going out each night and getting drunk.

No one knew what was wrong untill Logan had mentioned to Carlos about the small scene in James' trailer the day he left for Canada.

The chime rang on the door, James got up to answer it for me, it was tammi.

She walked in to the kitchen and pulled the chair out next to me, she held my arm with both of her hands like she was about to announce the death of a family member.

My thoughts strayed to jay.

She spoke so kindly, it didn't sound like tammi,

"Sheriden babe, I got a message for you from kendall...he has been trying to call you today... you know to sort it out" she squeezed my arm in a caring way.

"He wants you to call him.

Turn your phone back on babe" She gave a forced smile to end her message from kendall, I wondered if kendall had a grin on his face when he phoned tammi to pass this crap on.

I sat quietly for what seemed hours but was really only minutes.

"Tell kendall I've got nothing to say. It's over" tammi looked at James with her mouth half open.

James now came and sat on the other side of me, he found it his place to talk now,

"sheriden, your just angry okay" he held my hand on the table top.

"you have a lot to think about" he squeezed my hand in emphasis to our secret about the baby.

I looked James in the eye.

"I can't forgive him for it James".

James just looked in to my eyes not saying a word.

"Well I best get going sheriden" tammi stood up and tucked her chair in, James stood up to and walked tammi to my front door. They chatted amongst them selves in hushed voices for several minutes then I heard the door gently shut.

James walked back in to the kitchen."Did you tell her I'm pregnant?" I accused as he sat back down.

"no, course not, listen sheri about this breaking up with him idea you have in your head. I'm not sure your making the right decision..." he looked at the grain in the dark wood table.

"James I cant believe you of all people want me to put up with that shit" his words had rattled me.

"I don't, obviously! but your gonna need him, your back is fucked already, look at you. How you gonna do this on ya own" he looked ashamed at the words that had left his mouth.

I started to cry as I realised his words rang true.

"What am I gonna do James... I can't forgive him... I can't" I covered my face with my hands.

"Shhh, come here" James pressed me in to his chest,

"you've always got me sheri, always got me..." he soothed as he held me against him.

Once again I felt safe in James' arms, nothing more could hurt me here.

James stayed til past midnight with me, he sat next to me while I lay in bed, I vaguely aknowledged him kiss my forehead before he clicked my bedroom door shut and left to get his flight back to vancouver.

I phoned James the next day to say I had changed my cell and my home number and gave him the details. I asked him to please pass it on to Carlos too.

He asked how I was doing, I felt so bad but I couldn't even lie to make him feel better.

"I'm just gonna stay in bed today, maybe a days rest will ease my back?" I replied

"Sheriden promise me your gonna look after yourself!" His voice was kind but stern.

"I promise James" He told me he was coming back to L.A. in 3 days to check on me.

"Call me anytime sheri okay", our conversation came to an end.

"Thanks James, your one in a million you know" I didn't even ask about kendall, as far as I was concerned he had blown it, I knew James and Carlos had to keep things on an even keel with him else the walls of what all four of them had built would come crashing down, and however much kendall had hurt me, I wouldn't want it to end for any of those boys because of me.

I said my goodbyes to James. It was hard to hang up.

Between the two of them James and Carlos kept me company with their phone calls from Vancouver, Carlos' were harder to appreciate because he had no clue to the extent of my dilemma I had worked my way in to.

Carlos had said that kendall was a mess. He knew he had ruined it. And sounded as if Carlos had also become a shoulder to cry on for kendall too aswell as me, in a way I was glad, knowing that the boys all still did have each other to rely on.

I had cut kendall from my life completly, he had no known number to call me on and I had blocked him on my Twitter, I prayed he had learnt from kaceys mistake to not write anything personal on there.

Kendall was such a large part of my life, even before we started dating. It was hard to not miss it, but the hurt I felt had destroyed and taken over from the love I had for him in my heart. I gave my all to kendall i loved him so dearly. I felt utterly crushed. I bet kendalls mom was loving all this, she hated me.

I had only met her twice. she had obviously done her homework on me before kendall inroduced us. she made it very clear I wasnt welcome to have her son. I took all of her shit though. all her rude comments.

I stayed polite and just smiled much to kendalls astonishment as usually I become very vocal if someone rubs me up the wrong way... not that I would of hit her in the head like I had with logie.

I would love to be a fly on the wall when she gets the news im having his baby... that thought cheered me up considerably.

The day had arrived for the return of James. I hadn't left the house since I found out I was pregnant so some company that wasn't from Gladis my house keeping lady would be much appreciated.

James swooped in and fed me and forced me to get dressed instead of lounging in my pyjamas. He even did some shopping for me so he knew I was looking after my self when he was back in Vancouver and ate well.

He seemed happy that I didn't look quite as bad as I had 4 days ago.

James sat in my lounge as I stood stretching my back in a manner of ways trying to find comfort, looking out of the large windows that oversaw my gardens to the front of the house.

James hadn't mentioned kendall as yet, so I knew it was coming

"Sheriden, about the baby... Kendall is gonna find out sooner or later, what are you going to do? not let him see it?" James shifted uncomfortably In his seat on my couch.

"I will tell him James, I'm just not ready to talk to him yet" I held on to the sill of the window.

"I wouldn't stop him from being a father" I added.

"You need to start getting back to some normality, get yourself back in that office. Then you can concentrate on getting your head sorted to concentrate on being a mother". James stood up and walked over next to me.

We both stared out the window.

"I can't face work" I straightened my back and let go of the sill.

"I'm not gonna give up you know...this.. what your doing is gonna make you feel worse, you need to call kendall and clear the air then you can face the world again", he didn't move as he spoke, just carried on looking in to my garden.

"I'm not calling him, I will talk to him when he is back from Vancouver, I promise" I flashed a forced smile his way and moved over to the couch where I eased my self in.

Silence fell on us.

"You be okay for half hour? I just gotta go home quick" James was still taking in the lustre from my garden view.

"Yeah course" I whispered, James kissed my head as he walked past then left my house, I sat in silence thinking about kendall and crossed my arms over my chest to help numb the pain in my heart.

I must of fallen to sleep waiting for James to come back.

He had layed a blanket over me and was sat in a chair fiddling on his iPhone.

"Hey lazy" he mocked.

I smiled at him.

"I have something for you" he picked up a gift bag that was sat on the floor beside him and came and sat next to me on the couch.

He handed me the bag. it was very pretty, covered in lace and ribbon.

I looked at him puzzled.

"You didn't get to celebrate your birthday the other day, I thought maybe you might want to today.

I took the bag and opened it up.

The first item I pulled out was a picture frame it had a necklace carefully attatched to it.

The framed picture was of myself, it was the cover of a copy of vogue magazine. The picture was of the first time I had made the front page and boasted the slogan "make way for the brit" then written underneath was 'sheriden Lloyd takes America by storm". Which was a bit of a joke in reality because I was under storm model management at the time.

The necklace was a white gold locket, a lock and keyhole design on the front with small diamonds encrusted as a frame around the lock, on the back had the inscription "my cover girl". Cover girl was the name of a song on the boys latest album they had out. james often teased that the song was about me, I had no idea that he actually meant it from his heart.

I was speachless.

I layed my head on James' shoulder as a way of saying thanks.

"There is a little something else in there too" he reminded me.

I placed my hand in and pulled out a small soft item, once out of the bag I unfolded it to see it was a tiny baby grow in yellow.

A small laugh popped out my mouth then tears fell from my face.

"Thank you" I whispered.

He kissed my forehead and stood up.

James made me some dinner before he left for L.A.X. I went back to the sofa and curled up with my head on his lap.

We didnt talk. I felt James was trying to collect his thoughts. He promised to phone the next day. Then he was gone.

I went up to bed and Hung my new picture frame on my bed side table. The frame was silver, it had swirls of metel, ornating around my picture.I put the necklace on, sweeping my long hair free from the chain, I held the locket in my hand, reading the inscription again.

I thought of my skiing accident and wondered where I would be now if I hadn't of fell down that slope, I remembered the helicoptor flight to the hospital, my friend jenni was hysterical waiting for help to arrive... then my mind went blank and I had a dreamless sleep.

Over the next few days I tried to pull myself together, I had decided against James' advice of returning to work.

Instead I rang around enlisting the help of others that could temporarily take care of my agency.

Kendall had attempted to contact me through my email. I read one of them. It was simply put,"Sheriden, please baby call me. I have messed up and I need to make it right. I love you sheriden, your my world. Please call me."

I deleted it and directed all his others to my trashcan.

I wondered what was going through his head when he invited the girl to his room.

The papers had told me she was called dekota channing and was 18.

I made the mistake of looking her up on Twitter. Just an ordinary girl that had struck gold with taking my kendall. She had made a few recent tweets about normal stuff like what song she had stuck in her head or that she was off to lunch and tagged a load of her friends in it. She hadn't boasted of her night with kendall at all.

I closed my laptop.

Carlos phoned me everyday, he had taken to the strategy of pretending kendall didn't exist, he stopped talking about him and just told me stories of his day, which were usually filled with hilarious antics.

I missed Carlos and his care free mind.

The weeks went by slowly, the day arrived that the boys would arrive back in L.A. I had mixed feelings. dread, that I knew kendall would soon be hunting me down and relief that Carlos and James could rally round and help me pick up the pieces of my life.

The door chime rang just after lunch, my chest swelled with pain, and my stomach was nauseous.

I had spent weeks mentally preparing myself for this moment, but now it had arrived my emotions took over my body.

I opened the door tearful, kendall stood there.

"Come in" I croaked.

We walked in to the kitchen and sat at my dark wood table.

"Why?" I whispered at him, looking him in the eyes as tears rolled from my face.

He looked away from my gaze and to his hands resting on the table top

"I was drunk, and angry and...I don't know, you know".

I wiped my face to make way for more tears, "angry? You slept with someone because you were angry?" My voice was low and shook.

"I wanted to hurt you for hurting me, but I didn't mean for things to go as far as they did sheriden, it was the drink. you have to believe me" he held my hand but I pulled away and placed both my hands on my lap under the table.

"How exactly have I hurt you kendall?" My voice spat venom at him.

"I'm not stupid sheriden," he stood up and walked around the table, he continued, "I know you have been with James".

He leaned on the kitchen side.

"What? You think I've been fucking your friend behind your back?"

My voice turned high. He looked at me then sat back at the table.

"well I know you did in Florida, and your massage session in my pool, and you freaked out after kacey planted that slap on him. Then you and him were always together in that fucking trailer. Carlos even said that James was after you on my birthday"

"I have never slept with James!..." I bit back."Get out! You have ruined my life... Get the fuck out!" I broke down in sobs.

"Why has he been flying back from Vancouver to see you then sheriden? Keeping my side of the bed warm for me is he?"

I found some strength inside me and shouted back,

"because he is my friend kendall, my friend! Is that too hard to understand".

My sobs were uncontrollable, my entire body was shaking. I put my head in my hands.

"Please go!" I pleaded.

He walked out without another word.

Three days had passed since kendall had been round, carlos had become a permenant fixture in my home, he was shocked at the way I looked and felt the need to look after me.

James was also a frequent visitor, I had told them both what kendalls reasons for doing what he did were, carlos tried talking me in to going to talk to kendall again, James also thought this was a good idea as he knew I hadn't told my baby news to anyone yet.

We decided that we would all go, then James could explain his part and carlos could back him up as he knew James and I didn't do anything apart from kiss in Florida, and believed we never had done anything behind kendalls back.

I also needed them both there as support for when I told kendall he was going to be a father.

Carlos had arranged with kendall that we would be visiting him, I made Carlos sound clear that it was just to straighten things out and to collect my things that were at his house.

We walked in to kendalls house in silence, James sat next to me on one of the black couches, and carlos sat next to kendall.

"Is this when you tell me you two are together now?" Kendall muttered as he looked between James and I.

I stayed silent

"Kendall man, we are not seeing each other!" James' voice was calm.

"Kendall its true, they never have...you know...sealed the deal", Carlos backed James' case up.

"Can I speak to you alone sheriden?" Kendall looked at me as he spoke.

I looked at Carlos and nodded, him and James walked out to the kitchen, kendall came and sat next to me, he looked rough, wearing sweats and his hair even more of a mess than usual.

"You look ill sheriden" his voice gentle, so as not to start my tears rolling.

"Thanks!" I whispered sarcastically back at him.

Kendall spoke his side of the story again, filling in gaps of things he had picked up on, and the true sorrow he felt for what he had done.

"I really want to put this behind us and start again, I love you, I know we can work through it" tears fell from his eyes and he confessed his hopes.

"I can't forgive you...I just cant" I managed to hold my own tears in.

Kendall stood up, he walked in thing I knew the mirror i had once Tidied my hair infront of after making love to kendall had been knocked from its hanging place on the wall, in his own rage, kendall shouted at himself

"I fuck everything up, always!"

His dog started barking and carlos and james hurried back in to the scene of the noise.

I cast my mind back when kendall and I were just friends, he was so laid back and i wondered what it would take to make him mad.

It had never crossed my mind that it would someday be me.

"Kendall calm down" James shouted at him.

"Fuck it, fuck everything" kendall carried on, the flat screen left the wall next,

I scooped my knees up in my arms in fear watching kendall lose his cool infront of me.

"Kendall! kendall! For fucksake sake man your scaring the shit out of her" James tried to grapple kendall.

"It doesn't matter now though does it" kendall screamed back at him.

"it does man, it does. She's having your fucking baby.." James shouted then stood still. as did kendall

Kendall slumped to the floor on his knees and looked at me."Your pregnant?" His voice cracked through his tears.

I replied through my own that had begun falling "yes"

"What? ... since when?" Carlos sounded in disbelief.

"She's 8 weeks gone" James filled him in, his voice soft.

"Why didn't you tell me shoo, I would of come home" Carlos spoke as he came to sit next to me.

I shrugged. my mind was in a spin, I felt sick.

"I'm gonna be sick excuse me" I got up and stumbled up the stairs.

I went in to kendalls room towards his ensuite, I noticed he hadnt even unpacked his cases yet, his room was a state, it looked as if he had been living up here in bed since he got home.

I kneeled down against the toilet, nausea waving over me.

I splashed water over my face after my stomach had stopped heaving. and sat myself on kendalls bathroom floor, the tiles against my back felt cool.

Kendall knocked and walked in, he sat on the floor next to me.

After a few minutes he spoke.

"What happens now?" His voice barely a whisper.

"We get on with it I guess" I said matter of factly.

"Sheriden I was sure you and James were..."he paused.

"Nope! just friends" I retorted, I could see his point though, James and I were very close. But I still hadn't done anything wrong.

"All the signs were there..." kendall was trying to get his head round the events that had just happened.

"Do you swear?...that its mine I mean" He honestly believed I had been fucking James.

I felt sick again, this whole mess was my fault for being over friendly with James.

"I swear, i'll get a paternity test if you want? if that's what it takes... I will prove to you that its all in your head" my voice was calm.

"No you don't have to do that" he stretched his legs out on the floor.

"Kendall I can't forgive you for what you've done, but I won't stop you from seeing your child"

I stroked his stretched out leg.

"I cant live without you sheriden, I love you so much" he reached for my hand that was on his leg.

"I don't love you anymore kendall, its all gone, I just feel empty in my chest" I squeezed his hand and moved in to hug him, he opened his arms to me and we both sat on the floor in an embrace


	11. Chapter 11

As days and weeks passed the tension between kendall and I had eased slightly. we would talk on the phone a lot, but avoided any conversation that may start an arguement.

Carlos and tammi had just set off on a two week break to Hawaii, Carlos left james with instructions to look after me. much to tammi's dislike. she found it hard that she wasn't the centre of attention in carlos' life every second of the day. she couldnt get it in to her head that I was part of his family.

My back was still in pain, I found it difficult to drive because of it and sometimes enlisted the help of some crutches to take the weight off when I was out and about.

James and I Hung out constantly, he didnt like to leave me on my own looking so frail. my sickness was still hanging about but I felt more perky, it was just the pain in my back that was absolute agony.

just before I had got together with kendall i started the 'Sheriden Lloyd Foundation', it was a charity that raised money for people who had similar stories to mine, spinal injuries from accidents that caused your life to turn upside down, at this moment in time I had never felt so glad that I had started it.

On a daily basis of living with a spinal injury you kind of just deal, obviously I had been lucky, some of the people I had met over time had lost the use of there legs or their entire bodies. but i never even thought about the increased problems doing something as natural as having a baby caused someone like me.

At ten weeks pregnant my back had gotten the better of me, I was fed up sitting around the house and once again it was James that was there for a shoulder to cry on.

"Sheriden you have to remember its not for ever, you need to stay focused".

he had just run a warm bubble bath for me and sat just outside the semi shut door of the bathroom to keep me company while I soaked my aching back.

I didn't reply.

"I was thinking sheri, maybe it would be nice if you got away from it all for a few days?" His voice optimistic.

"You trying to get rid of me James?", I looked toward the direction of the door.

"No...I meant both of us, you know just get in the car and go to vegas or something before the media circus begins, least we could spend time in the pool or something, that would help your back... plus its my birthday soon" he said.

My first thought to this was no way! I could just see kendalls smug face at the thought of me going on a birthday holiday with james, but then I thought why not.

I had seriously gone through the mill and back, and James had never once let me down, he had been there for me when he didnt even need to be. I owed him a break aswell as my self.

"Okay" I replied

"Serious?" Came the doors reply.

"Yeah but on one condition" I aimed at the door.

"What's that?" He said as I heard him shift about on the carpet outside the bathroom.

"I pay... for everything I mean. It be my treat" the door was silent.

"Okay" came james' drawn out answer after a few seconds.

I figured it was easier for him to not be the gent and argue about money than risk me changing my mind about going.

I layed back in the bath and smiled, for the first time in weeks I meant it.

The trip to vegas was going to be amazing, I had booked us 2 seperate suites in the las vegas hotel and casino, James and I were gonna slug it out in the pool and the spa and have some fun. even if it killed me.

James drove us up in his SUV, it took us just over 5 hours to get to Vegas due to him insisting we stop to eat and give my back a stretch. I flatly refused to fly.

The hotel suites were amazing, although James was famous in his own right now and had a large capital of money behind him i dont think he had been in a $50.000 hotel suite, our rooms were luxurious and huge.

We spent our days in vegas mostly in the pool or in the spa at the hotel, we ventured in to the casinos in the evening of James' birthday, I donned my crutches as my back was bad, James got lucky and won money on the black jack. it was a fun evening. some eagle eyed big time rush fans would spot james every now and again. he would pose for pictures for them and hand out autographs.

he loved it, he always had time for the people that helped him achieve who he wanted to be.

We went up to my suite to chill out before calling it a night, watching some late night rubbish on the 50 inch flat screen tv. we chatted about normal stuff for a while, ignoring the seriousness of life, james confessed that he wanted to go all out in the music industry one day, and create and run his own record company. his dreams in life always amazed me. to anyone else it would all seem far fetched but with james it was always just a matter of time.

I joked that he could sign me up on his record label once he got it going but he insisted that being able to sing was kind of a necessity, I honestly could not sing a note. james had often ridiculed me if ever he heard me sing.

I playfully hit him as he watched the tv.

"You gonna find out what sex the baby is?" James asked casually.

I looked at him then at my stomach, it already looked bloated in my tiny tummy.

"I'm not sure, I got my 12 week scan next Friday, what do you think?"

I patted my stomach still looking at it.

"It's up to you, I think if it was me i would probably find out tho" he was still watching the tv show.

"Kendalls coming with me, he said he wanted to" I pulled up my top to examine my bloated belly further.

James looked over and laughed."Cor look at that! fatty" he joked and gave my bare stomach a stroke.

"Oi" I laughed as I watched his hand circle my abdomen.

"Sheriden..." he paused.

"James?" I mocked his tone.

He sat up from his slouched position,

"you know how I feel about you don't you? I mean nothings changed for me" he took his hand away from my belly.

"I do know James, and you know I care for you, and to be honest I wish I had been screwing you just so kendall had a decent reason to throw it away". I was rambling.

"No sheriden, what I mean is... well if you ever think you wanna give me and you a shot..." he ignored my reference about kendall.

"James!" I said in a sarcastic sense,

"I'm having your friends baby, don't you think that would be beyond fucked up?" I tucked my stomach back away.

"I couldn't care less if it was triplets in there", he pointed to my bloatedness, " if I got you then I would take on anything with you" He looked me dead in the eye.

"Your actually serious arent you?" I tilted my head to one side and looked him back in the eye.

"I love you sheriden, and I will carry on waiting if thats what it takes" with that, he got up kissed me on the head with a smile and walked towards the door,

"hey fatty" he said with a smile as he put his hand on the door knob, "if you need me"and he looked at and wiggled his iphone at me.

I nodded, "night James"

We didnt talk about our chat the following morning, we spent most of our last day in vegas in the pool messing about.

We had so much fun, I was shattered. by 7pm I was ready for bed.

James called in on me to say he was heading off to the gym for a while but he would check up on me on his way back to his suite, he took my key card so not to wake me.

I fell asleep on the sofa in my suite, I did think I heard James come in not long after but when I awoke in the morning I was in the huge comfy bed and looked over to see James asleep in the chair in the corner of my room. I smiled with a sigh, "oh James"


	12. Chapter 12

Coming home wasn't how I wanted was absolutly fuming, he had seen pictures of James and I in Vegas on the internet, he blew his lid at me, accused me of sleeping with James whilst carrying his child.

"How many times kendall, I'm not, nor have I ever slept with him" I had my fight back now from my little break away, and kendalls constant moaning really pissed me off.

"Why didn't you tell me then?" He had his arms crossed over his chest.

"Kendall WE are not a couple any more, what I do has nothing to do with you now"

I began to walk to my front door to show him out.

"Sheriden YOU have MY child inside you, at least you say its mine"

I walked back towards him in a rage.

"Yes and I keep you involved in that, your taking me to the scan are you not!?" I crossed my arms now.

"Taking you? am I just the driver then?" he threw his arms in the air.

"Oh kendall for fucksake , you know what I mean!"

"No sheriden I don't, I don't know anything anymore. What the hell are you going to Vegas with him for anyway"

"Oh I see, its not about the baby at all, its you don't wanna be a sore loser to james" I put some hair behind my ear. I was getting hot and emotional

"No its about the baby sheriden, I do wonder why James is still sniffing about a woman that is supposedly having another mans child, I mean it all sounds a bit odd don't you think" he slammed his palms down on my kitchen table.

"I'll tell you why, because James cares for me, he is an amazing friend to me, and he would do anything for me. I bet he wouldn't of run off with the quickest slut he could find at the first hurdle"

kendall was fuming.

"and do you know why he wouldn't sheriden... because he already had you"

I slapped kendall round the face.

"He is welcome to you both" kendall looked from my Face to my bloated belly and walked out.

I slumped on the floor crying, pulled my cell out my pocket and called James, I was still sobbing on the floor when James got to mine, he sat on the floor with me and held me till I couldn't cry any more.

"What happened to him James, how did he change so much?"

"I don't know sheri" he picked me up off the floor.

"He doesn't want the baby" I rubbed my puffy eyes.

"He didn't mean that shoo. He was just angry, that's all, he will see sense"

James held me close.

Kendall didn't see sense, he wouldn't talk to me or James, I prayed that Carlos was home and not in Hawaii with tammi, he could talk kendall round. logan didnt know about the baby, nor did anyone else. all I had was james at this moment in time.

I dropped a letter under kendalls door on the morning of the ultrasound scan, I knocked to see if he would change his mind and come with me but he didn't answer.

The letter explained that it definitely was his baby and I didn't want him to miss out on any part of its life.

I said I would find out the sex and let him know and I finished it off with "I miss you"

So it was James that took me across town to get the scan done, he offered instead of a lonely drive in a cab. it was a silent trip up there, the traffic was mental, took us well over an hour to get to the clinic.

James and I donned hats and sunglasses in a brief attempt to not get spotted so easily, last thing I needed was the press putting two and two together and coming up with 5.

My pregnancy was still not known in the public eye, I was pleased as it meant our little family, although falling slowly apart, we all still had each others backs and could keep our mouths shut.

The one problem with James taking me is that I had to go in to the private clinic on my own. I wouldnt want a media frenzy of the kendall/James love triangle, which this definitely had not been.

James drove a beautiful black SUV, it was fairly new, probably just a year old, the interior was nice with black leather and more gadgets on the dash than you could shake a stick at.

I couldn't see an air freshener any where but the car smelt like freshly cut lemons inside the cabin, it wasn't too much, it smelt clean and new.

I had a bottle of water in one of the holders I found beside my seat, I took little sips every now and then in the hope of a clearer picture at the scan. I needed to pee soon though, and shifted about in the huge cabin seat that made my small frame look even smaller.

"Nearly there" James smiled at my wiggling.

"Good, else you will need a valet in here soon" I was nervous.

The SUV pulled up in the clinic parking lot, James was going to wait in the car for my return.

"Good luck" he wished as I got out.

"Thanks" I walked towards the clinic pulling my sun hat down. I wished kendall was with me, I could of done with a friendly face and a hand to hold right now, my chest felt tight.

Once done I came out of the clinic 45 minutes later, and got back in James' SUV.

"Well?" He asked.

I stayed silent for a minute, collecting my thoughts.

"Well..." I continued, "its a boy... I'm having a boy" I showed James the picture from the scan.

James grinned, he gave me a hug then surveyed the picture of the baby, I pointed out which part was looked at each other smiling.

I broke from our gaze.

"I best phone kendall"I said and rang kendalls number on my cell but it rang out. I decided to text him the news he was now having a son.

At least I was trying, I didn't want to lose kendall from my life.

James started his car, and left the parking lot, we got on to the freeway. The traffic had cleared well. I couldn't stop looking at the picture of my baby, it felt real all of a sudden.

"are you happy about having a boy?" James asked looking out to the road ahead.

"Yeah I am, I mean I wouldn't of minded either way but yeah a boy, thats amazing".

Excitement filled my voice.

"So its not triplets then?" James' face flashed a beautiful smile.

I laughed "no just the one"

"You will have to think of some names now, maybe moonbeam or pickles? you could start a new celebrity trend?", James laughed at his own joke.

I smiled and looked at my picture again,

"I'm not sure what name I will...".

The car jolted me forwards, I looked up.

James had slammed his brakes down. There was a motorcyclist a few yards in front of us on its side, it had been hit by a car that was currently facing the wrong way just to the left of us.

The SUV brakes had locked, we were skidding towards the motor bike, James turned the wheel to try and miss the bike, the SUV turned too sharp and flipped on its side, it crashed through the reservation barrier and started to roll.

It all happened so quick, I saw James' head must of hit his door window, I could see blood all over the place, the front of the SUV must of caved in, I felt a surge of pain run through my legs, the car kept rolling.

Something hit my face from inside the cabin, I could taste blood in my mouth.

The windscreen shattered, I could no longer see anything, James' air bag suddenly blew out of the steeringwheel, I couldn't see his face it was buried in the inflation.

The car came to a stand still at what I could gather we had landed the right way up. I tried to front of the SUV had completely smashed in or was partly missing, I couldn't tell from the limited view I had from the frosted broken Windows, my legs were stuck.

"Sheriden!?" james'voice came.

"Shit, James you alright?" my head was pounding and the taste of blood made me feel sick.

"My head hurts" he said, he tried to find my hand but I found his first.

"I can't move my legs, can you move?", my voice shook.

Just as I spoke James door opened with a struggle, a middle aged lady was talking hysterically, she was asking questions my exhausted mind could not answer, she was on her cell phone. I could hear sirens in the distance.

James looked at me.

"It's gonna be okay sheriden" he sounded scared.

I looked down at my tiny bump, my lap was covered in blood.

"Sheriden look at me" james insisted. I did.

"Whatever happens okay, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" James was tearful.

"Stay looking at me okay". He squeezed my hand as he spoke. I nodded in agreement.

All I could hear around us was chaos, shouting and talking and sirens, I closed my eyes, I couldn't keep them open any longer.

"Sheriden look at me" I could hear James talking but my eyes felt so heavy.

I could hear another man's voice.

"Hello son can you tell me your name?" The strangers voice asked.

"James" I heard the reply."Please... sheriden. that's sheriden, she's pregnant , please help her." James' voice was frantic.

"James she is gonna be fine, now I need you to stay still for me okay, I'm afraid your gonna have a convertable in a few minutes, we will get sheriden and yourself out to the hospital okay"

"'Kay" came the response from james.

The voice of the stranger faded from the car and started shouting instructions to people out on the road.

"sheriden?" James spoke again squeezing my hand."I love you"

I wish I could of responded but everything faded away after that to the smell of freshly cut lemons.

I woke up to being rushed through a corridor, my memory gave me a brief flash back to what had just happened.

All I could see were lights on the ceiling pass me by.

"this is sheriden Lloyd, 29 years of age, RTA , according to the other passenger she is 12 weeks pregnant but has lost approximatly 1 pint of blood since 11.00 am. Right leg has open fracture, possible broken ribs and laceration to face..."

" James! where's James?" I called out. My throat was dry.

"Hi sheriden, my names is Philip Young and I'm one of the doctors here. James is fine, he is just behind you okay. We are going to patch you up and he can come and see you very soon".

Everything went blank.

I woke up in a white room. My eyes hurt, it was hard to open them.

I felt stiff, I saw a nurse holding my arm and fiddling with bags on a drip I was connected to, she saw I was awake and smiled at me.

"Hi sheriden. I'm Alice, can you tell me if your in any pain at the moment?" Alice sounded very kind as she spoke.

I nodded my head to answer no to her question.

"The baby?" I ran my free hand over my stomach.

"There will be a doctor to see you in a few moments, they will explain everything that's happening okay sheriden" she smiled and walked out of the room I was in and quietly shut the door.

I took in my new surroundings. The white room I was in was square with a blinded window and door to the side leading out to the corridor Alice had walked in to, on the opposite side was another window that looked out to the night sky. There were some flowers in a vase on a small white cupboard next to my bed.

The doctor came in. The look on his face told me what I didn't want to hear but he opened his mouth to speak.

"Hello sheriden, I'm doctor jagodzinski" the doctor perched himself on the very edge of the side of my bed.

I nodded my head to acknowledge his introduction.

"You were involved in a bad road accident this morning, do you remember?" The doctor had a weak smile on his face, probably his bedside manner.

I nodded in agreement that I could remember the whole event of being inside that cabin with James and having the SUV spin us over and over like an oversized dryer.

"The injuries you sustained from the accident are quite serious I'm afraid...I'm sorry to say your pregnancy miscarried"

I already knew that in the cabin, when James told me not to look away, but we had both seen the blood pour out of me.

The doctor carried on."You broke your leg, foot and 3 ribs, you had an operation on your leg this morning, the bone had come through the skin"

My stomach churned.

The doctor continued."You will be left with some slight scarring in your shin area and along with your pain relief you are on a cause of antibiotics, the last thing we need is an infection in the bone"

I looked at my leg, it was covered in a blue material.

The doctor carried on with his bad news

"You lost approximately 30% of your blood volume so a transfusion was necessary, Do you have any concerns sheriden?"

"Can I still have children?" My voice was barely a whisper, the doctor poured me some water and gently raised my bed for me.

"I don't see any reason why you shouldn't be able to conceive" Dr jagodzinski gave me an optimistic smile.

"Your friend James is wanting to see you, shall I send him in?"

Thank god he is ok I thought.

"Yes please"

James walked in, obviously staying the night in hospital too. He had pyjama trousers on and no top, his arm was in a blue material sling, similar to what I had on my leg , some of his hair had been shaved and he sported some stitches in the bald part. His walk was one of difficulty.

He walked up to my bed and I held my arm up for him to take my hand. He did.

"I'm so sorry. there was nothing I could do", James' words took me back to days gone by, Where I would sit with Antonio crying.

"I'm just glad your okay" I replied, I rubbed his hand with my thumb.

"Kendall is on his way, he is on a plane right now" James let go of my hand and walked over to the chair at the side of the white room near the night sky window.

"A plane?" I asked puzzled.

"He was in Kansas, visiting family.

He saw the crash on the news and phoned the hospital, I'm not sure if... what he knows"

Silence fell on us.

I scanned James' body, clearly he was in a lot of pain,

"how bad is it?" I enquired.

He saw me look at his arm.

"broken arm, two dislocated fingers and a knock on the head, I could of gone home but because I knocked myself out for a second they are keeping me in"

I thought back to the air bag James' face was embedded in.

"I'm sorry about the baby sheriden". he added.

Again silence succumbed the small white room."Do you think my picture of him is okay?" My words came out like a child who had temporarely lost something.

"I'm not sure shoo, the car looked pretty wrecked on the news, don't get your hopes up okay." James leant forward in his seat, trying to seek some comfort.

"I hope kendall gets here soon" I spoke the words to myself rather than to James, but he nodded his head to agree.

"How bad did the car look on the news?" I changed the subject back to where James had left it.

"It's bad, the actual crash is on there too from the highway camera. I can't believe we even got out alive".

The words left James mouth with out thinking, I rubbed my tummy consoling my self to what might of been.

"I'm sorry, that was a stupid thing to say, I'm so sorry about the baby sheriden. I thought you were going to die, you just faded away in front of me..."

He stopped himself from talking.

"Do you know how long im going to be in here for James?" I looked James in the eye as I spoke.

"No I don't know?" came his response.

There was a tap on the white room door, alice poked her head in,

"sheriden kendall is here to see you, do you want me to send him in?"

I nodded, my voice wouldn't work any more, my throat was thick with new emotion.

Kendall walked in, his eyes red and blood shot, his face worn with worry, he looked so much older.

He walked over to my bed and collapsed his head gently on mine, and broke in to sobs

"I thought you where dead... I love you so much sheriden"

He kissed my face.

I raised my good arm and gave his head as much a hug as I could master.

"I love you too baby, I'm so sorry about everything. I'm so so sorry" My words were patchy and sometimes high pitched. but I got them out despite my throat trying to stop me.

Kendall kept his head next to mine for several minutes.

I closed my eyes, the smell from his hair smelt safe and reminded me of home.

My heart pounded in my chest, it ached as the memory of the hurt came back. I didn't care though. I needed him so much right now, I will deal with that pain another day.

Kendall kissed my cheek as his head left mine, he looked shocked as I looked in to his green eyes that were framed with red. I imagine my appearance was of a scary person, my face felt swollen and tight.

I looked over to James but all my eyes met was an empty chair.

Kendall stayed with me, he nodded off a couple of times in the chair, but we talked in hushed voices for most of the night.

"If only I had taken you to the clinic, this would never of happened" kendall was sat sideways in his chair with his legs over the arm.

"It's not your fault, its no ones fault" I replied.

"The last few weeks have been so messed up shoo" his hand supported his head in the chair as we talked

"I know, we were amazing to begin with" I said, I gave him a sleepy looking smile to match.

"I still love you so much sheriden",

"You really hurt me kendall" I looked up to the ceiling.

"Are we finished?...forever I mean?" Kendall sat up as he spoke.

"I miss you so much" I confessed.

"I miss you too, I've been so miserable, but nothing I could do to make it better" kendalls whispers were honest and filled with regret.

"Things will sort themselves out, don't worry" I gave him another sleepy smile with my words.

"Get some sleep now sheriden, you need to get better baby" I dozed off in to a dream filled with sirens and lights passing over my head.

I was in James' car again but this time it had plunged in to water, I couldn't get out and the car was filling up, I screamed and screamed for help


	13. Chapter 13

The next morning I felt like death, my body was aching all over.

I had been helped to the bathroom by a nurse. kendall waited in my white room.

In the bathroom I looked in the mirror, my brown hair had dried in blood stuck to it, one of my eyes was swollen and black as with the bridge of my nose, I wondered what it was that had hit me in the face, maybe my water bottle or my cell, it had been sat on my lap.

My tongue felt sore, I must have bitten it. my right breast and chest had a perfect bruise out line of where my seat belt had held me in.

My leg that wasn't broken had cuts all over it, and my other leg and broken foot was covered in blue material still.

I sat in a chair in the wet room and cried at my reflection while the nurse helped to bathe my battered body.

My head was filled with a thousand thoughts and I didn't know how I was ever going to process them all.

Could I forgive kendall for everything? I still felt so hurt by him.

I couldn't get my head round to how it had been so perfect, to just losing him in the space of one night, he must of been ticking away with the James thing for ages... weeks.

Deep down I loved him, it wasn't something I could just turn off but the pain he created in my heart was so much more powerful. it consumed me.I got back in to my room to find kendall still in the chair and James sat on my bed.

I smiled at them both. they must of had a chat, the atmosphere was calm.

James shuffled as best he could towards the pillow end to make way for me to sit next to him on the edge of my bed. the nurse helped me out from my wheel chair.

"How you feeling?" He asked.

"Sore" came my response.

"You?" I looked James in the eye.

"I've had better days" he flashed his smile my way.

The three of us chatted. kind of cleared the air but without approaching the subject that mattered.

Kendall and James had always got along so well, I don't think either of them wanted to lose the other.

I was finally back home after 8 days in hospital, it had seemed like an was staying at my house in his old room, he cut his holiday short to be with me at the hospital, and insisted that he be the one to nurse me back to health. my face didn't look great still, the bruises were slowly fading but now had turned purple, yellow, green and blue.

I was able to get around quite well on my crutches, and kendall had taken some effort in making me a bedroom in my lounge without even asking, I think perhaps that he was worried James may have offered to let me stay at his house, because of course it had no upstairs.

Kendall was round a lot, we were not as such a couple again but we would end up most evenings cuddled up on my makeshift bed in front of the tv.

We had spent many hours talking about the baby, the loss we had shared together bonded the cracks in our relationship from kendalls Vancouver mistakes. I still felt I was running in shock mode though, my real emotions hadn't come out to play yet.

My relationship with James was kind of estranged, he would phone me to see how I was but I think he felt he owed it to kendall to keep away now.

"What did you wanna do tonight" I asked Kendall.

"I think Carlos is cooking us a meal, I know he went out to see tammi then going out grocery shopping" Kendall said as he was reading the news paper.

"He left ages ago" I thought out loud. I peered over kendalls shoulder to scan his page for interest.

Kendall folded his paper up and looked at me.

"Well maybe he is... giving us some space?... you know", his voice was shy and reminded me of the first time I went to kendalls house as his date.

Kendall didn't make the first move as he looked me dead in the eye. I don't know if it was the close proximity of our faces or I too felt I owed kendall to give it a go, but I leaned in to kiss him.

The kiss was welcomed by his lips, his lips moved tentatively next to mine so as not to hurt my multi coloured face.

It felt nice, a relief almost to have my kendall back, but there was no ache in my heart any more, just pain from the hurt that had led us here.

I pulled away and gave kendall a parting kiss on his forehead, I pushed my confused feelings to one side, I still had too much left in my head to work through but kendall smiled his American smile and the pain in my chest suddenly gave room for guilt.

Carlos had finally returned, he walked in to my lounge/bedroom and sat in the chair, his eyes red.

"Bloody hell Carlos, what's happened?" My English accent again made an unscheduled return in my shock.

Carlos couldn't speak, he just had tears rolling down his eyes, but he threw his cell on to kendalls lap.

Kendall picked it up and unlocked the screen, he saw what had caused Carlos the pain and just sat there.

Well it didnt look like anyone was going to fill me in on what had happened so I snatched the phone from kendall to look for my self.

"That fucking Bitch!" came the words from my mouth.

Tammi had decided to call it a day on her relationship with my beautiful carlos but had done so in typical tammi style, by god damn text message.

"She won't talk to me" Carlos finally said.

"Oh los, cmon it will be okay, I promise", my words echoed that of what James had not so long ago said to me.

The evening was spent with the three of us putting the world to rights, my honest feelings on tammi came out, and we even talked openly about the day of the crash.

"Did you get a picture of the baby?" Carlos asked.

I had got my picture back, James had collected my belongings from his SUV a few days after the crash but I only opened the bag breifly to chuck in jewellery that had been removed from my body for surgery, I had not had the strength to go through the memories of it all in such great detail yet.

"Yeah I did... I mean I do, but I don't know what state its in now, I cant bear myself to look" I twisted my hands together as I spoke.

"Do you mind if I look?" Came kendalls hesitant voice from next to me.

"Sure its fine, its in that paper bag out there" I directed my eyes to my entrance hall.

Kendall got up and left the room before returning with the bag.

He sat on the couch next to me and placed the bag in between his feet on the floor.

He proceeded to remove some items from the it.

The first one was my old cell, it had a cracked screen from the impact... maybe my face had caused that?

The second was my purse, it had blood splattered on it. My stomach churned.

Kendall then pulled out the picture, it looked in okay condition apart from a few creases, I was pleased.

Kendall looked at it for a while, the three of us were in silence but I gave kendalls hand a squeeze.

Something else in the bag then dragged kendalls gaze back to reality, he reached in and slowly pulled out a long chain.

It was my locket.

Kendall had seen the inscription "my cover girl"

"He really does love you doesn't he?" kendall said breaking the silence.

I presume he had gathered the locket was from James.

"He has strong feelings for me yes, but I swear I've not done anything with him" my voice shook, hoping an arguement was not about to start.

"I believe you" came kendalls response, "do you love him?" he concluded.

I thought for a second, what was I meant to say, my world was completly upside down at the moment, my thought process was out of order, so honesty was the only reaction that helped me out with an answer.

"I don't know kendall, I'm sorry"

Kendall sat there and held our baby picture in one hand and james' locket in the other.

The room was filled with silence again.

I looked to Carlos, but his bad news had ruined any hope of him coming up with some masterful words that would ease the tension.

Kendall began putting my belongings from the crash back in the bag.

"Can I borrow this?, I would like to get a copy if thats alright?"

Kendall held the baby picture towards me.

"Of course, thats fine!", my eyes welled up as I spoke.

With that kendall got up and kissed me on the head.

He gave Carlos a brief smile then left.

Carlos and I just looked at each other for a few minutes, then he got up and sat next to me and I rested my head on his shoulder and held his hand.

"A right pair aren't we?" He concluded.

I sighed


	14. Chapter 14

Kendall came round still most days, but he didn't mention the night he found my locket he would help me wash and get about the place, sometimes cook me food.

It was nice, there wasn't an atmosphere, it was just my laid back kendall had returned and I felt at ease in his company.

I did try and approach the subject of us a few times but he would suddenly remember something that needed to be done.

Carlos moved back to his own home once my leg had healed and the plaster was off.

I still hobbled about on a crutch sometimes as my foot had some complications, I had to give myself cortisone injections I was going to need a lot of physio before I could walk limp free.

I had just woken up in my normal bedroom for the first time when the door chime rang, I went down the stairs on my bum as it was easier and answered the door to James.

His scent envoked me as soon as the door opened.

It made me swallow hard.

"Hello stranger!" He said with a chirp in his voice.

I hugged him, it was so long since I had seen his face.

"Where have you been?" I scanned his face as I spoke like it was the first time I had seen it.

"I've been busy that's all, I've been helping another band get some spotlight and just generally clearing my head" he sounded like his head was clear, like the driven James I had sat next to on the plane to florida, the James that told me of what he was going to take from life.

He kissed me. His touch felt electric and I wanted more, my head swarmed with thoughts and memories.

I slipped my tongue in his mouth, the kiss was soft and slow.

My heart ached.

James along with his kisses that day brought breakfast, we sat in the kitchen eating and catching up.

He was pleased my face didn't look battered anymore, and spent a few minutes looking at me. checking I was as healthy as I could be.

"...So kendall came to see me last night, he said you looked better and back on two feet almost" James' words almost made me choke.

Kendall had not mentioned James for weeks, so nor had I.

I had no clue as to how there friendship was.

"What did you talk about?" I asked as I drank some Orange juice to clear my near on closed throat.

"The band, the show, the future... you" his voice had turned husky.

"Sheriden, kendall kind of said to me you two are finished, and he said that he knew there was gonna be a day when I finally would talk you in to being with me"

He looked serious as the words left him.

"He sort of gave the impression he was okay with that, he said he knew how much I cared for you, and didn't want the band to collapse because of a mistake he had made"

I looked at James in astonishment at his words.

"So why didn't kendall say any of this to me, he hasnt even mentioned your name for so long" I shook my head at my own calculations of what was being said.

"I guess he just wanted you better?... But I really don't know" James took my hand and I looked at our fingers entwined together.

"It's too soon James, I'm sorry, you know how I feel for you but its just too..."

he cut me off.

"I know... I know that, and I've said it before but for the purpose of here and now I will say it again. I will wait for you. All I ask you to tell me now is if I should... if there's a hope for us...do you think there might be?" Both of his hands were now on mine as he finished talking I looked up, I met his brown eyes looking deep into my blue ones.

I sat in silence for so long before I managed to whisper out, "I do love you"

"Then that's all I needed to hear" he let go with a smile and finished eating his food.

Three months had passed since that chat at my dark wood table in my kitchen with James. we remained close but as yet I hadnt felt ready to start anything romantic with him. my head was still so full of dealing with the loss of the baby. I had stopped talking about it but it consumed my waking thoughts constantly.

I had returned to work, and the boys were in the middle of an arena tour, they had been to England and toured most of the states, finally they were headed back to California and I was going to san Diego that evening to see their show.

The night was amazing, all four boys gave it there all, again I was overwhelmed with pride, they had each worked so hard for the dreams they badly wanted and seeing them out there on that stage it felt to me they had reached there goal.

After the concert I met up with them.

The home for them on the road was in the form of two tour buses, we all met up on the logan and kendall bus.

I hugged Logan, it looked like he had bagged himself a date for the night, a pretty dark haired girl waited shyly for him to finish chatting.

Carlos gave me the biggest squeeze of my life, he looked happier than I had seen him last, hopefully his heartbreak from tammi leaving him had eased slightly, he spent weeks crying over her. I shared a cuddle and smile with kendall, he took both my hands and kissed them then walked away towards dustin to chat.

James was the only one left to greet, he gave me a hug. it started off slightly awkward because of all the pairs of eyes on us.

"Do you mind if we go out somewhere? I don't mind driving your car?" He asked looking sheepish as he remembered the events of the last time I was with him behind the wheel of a car.

"I'll drive" I said as I took his hand. I left the bus with james, I made eye contact with kendall just before I walked out the door. he winked at me and smiled.

James had grabbed a jacket and we walked out to my mercedes, we got in and I started the engine.

I didn't really know where I was headed for, but it was nice to be stuck next to James in the was still buzzing from the show, and full of conversation.

I felt so natural and at ease with drove for miles, away from san diego.

I finally pulled up in a driveway and felt my heart pump hard in my chest.

James laughed as he realised I had parked outside his L.A. home.

"I suppose I should invite you in" he chuckled.

He opened my car door in his true gent self and took me by the hand inside his home, once his door had shut he kissed me.

His warm lips felt electric against my own.

I felt tingles run through every vein in my body.

"I love you sheriden" he said as he pulled away, he sounded breathless.

"I love you too" surprised by the calmness in my own voice.

James took my hand and led me to the west of his home... his bedroom.

He undressed himself then he slowly undressed me.

My heart pounded. after years of wanting James, it all boiled down to this moment.

He pulled me in towards his body, his strong arms enveloped around my waist.

We kissed, his tongue gently caressing my own, he made my insides throb and my heart ache.

His hands moved up and caressed my body, he took in every detail of my breasts, and ran his fingers along my spine.

The connection we had always had was so intense.

He picked me up with my legs around his waist, our naked bodies locked together.

Our kissing was now urgent, faster.

He walked us slowly to the bed still kissing my lips and gently layed me down.

I caressed his defined tanned chest with my hands as his body lay on mine.

My heart felt near on explosive and I knew then just how much I loved James Maslow.

James looked me in the eyes and smiled then he entered me...

...

...

THANKS FOR READING THIS, IF YOU LIKED IT THEN LEAVE A REVIEW, IF YOU DIDN'T LIKE IT THEN LEAVE A REVIEW :-) there are 7 more 'Sheriden storys' that follow on from this which tell the story how all the boys get tangled in their own love adventures.

In order...

Story 2: big time rush LA love

Story 3: big time rush sunset seduction

Story 4: big time rush vengeance in Vegas

Story 5: big time rush naked truths and best dressed lies

Story 6: big time rush sorrow in San Francisco

Story 7: big time rush LA temptations & music sensations

Story 8: big time rush Florida flings.

Follow me on twitter SheridenLloyd


	15. Chapter 15

_**STORY 2: los angeles love**_

SHERIDENS' STORY...

Right now I must be the luckiest girl in the world!

It hadn't always been like this though, the last few years of my life have taken a lot out of me and from me.

But right now, right this instant! life was amazing for me, Sheriden Lloyd.

I was in the arms of my beautiful boyfriend James, he is an amazing person and he loves me for everything I am.

James is in the boyband and the tv show Big Time Rush, we have been together for a whole year today.

I have never been so in love with anyone in my life, I've come close to it twice, but right now right here I realise that all the bad shit that has happened to me has led me to be with James.

He is my life... and I would do pretty much anything for him.

The start of James' and mine relationship was difficult, but only difficult in the eyes of the public. The public only see and hear things they want to, and to convince them otherwise is a waste of an entire and I are very driven people, we want to succeed from life as best we can, and sometimes that means taking risks.

"Sheriden are you happy?" James asked as I was wrapped in his arms in bed, breathing in his amazing scent.

"I dont think I could be happier, why do you ask? do I not please you enough?" was my reply, knowing full well I had just pleased the life out of him...twice.

he laughed. "no, I dont mean that, I mean just doing the model management?"

I sighed and I playfully rubbed his nipple with my finger.

My own modelling career had been cut short after a skiing holiday resulted in me breaking my back, after some soul searching I eventually started my own model management company, which was and still is a complete success but its own success was its down fall for me.

I had become less and less involved as the company got bigger and more staff came in.

by all means its fun being the boss but I missed the nitty gritty of being hands on with a lot of the things that go knew this, James and I would share everything.

"I am happy, but I feel there's definitely more than that out there for me, I dunno what though?" was my honest reply.

"Well I've been thinking..."

I cut james short."Before another word pops out of that delicious mouth, no i'm not gonna marry you James...yet" I said my words sarcastically but they were very true.

James laughed hard. Almost too hard, I pulled on his nipple until it hurt him."Ow... ow...hahaha..no I didnt mean that either. I was thinking of starting a little something up but I cant do it on my own... I was gonna ask Carlos if he wanted in too" James rubbed his nipple better as he spoke.

"Well what is this little something, it cant be that little if you need three people" I kissed the nipple in a hope of some forgiveness and james pulled my entire body on top of his.

he lay beneath me grinning back up with the most amazing smile I have ever seen, it just never gets old. I could stare at that smile all day.

He gave me the look to say he was gonna get me back, but in a very pleasurable way very soon.

"James!" I tapped his chest to snap him out of his saucy stare.

"Whats the little something?"

he took my hands in his and entwind his fingers with mine. "well... I want to start something big... my own record label. but the money I physically couldnt risk on my own, but with more than me its not... such a big risk"

James had talked about owning a record company many times with me, he always made it sound like it was something he would do when all his other projects had finished. he was due to tour with big time rush soon.

I kissed his hands one by one "James I'm not being funny but I have more than enough money to risk, If you wanna do it then do it, I'm serious about us, money isn't an issue" I moved his hands to my breasts.

"I will gladly take your breasts Sheriden" he laughed "But I really wanna do this properly. you know... start it up from my own back, I dont want your hand outs... just a little help. I want your business mind. obviously I can't give it 100% at the moment with the band and everything, and I think you would be the perfect candidate for the job"

"So what are we talking here? just the label and rent recording time from a studio?" James now had my business head reeling.

"The label and a studio" James narrowed his eyes at me as he spoke, trying to gather my judgement on his maybe next adventure in life.

"shit James that is a ton of cash your talking about. on a very big risk... do you know how hard it will be to find, let alone get a decent act signed up without losing a load of money first, I mean a studio alone with mixers and control room and..."

"Sheriden...shhhh" he pulled me down towards him for a small kiss. "its gonna be a lot, I know but having our own studio gives us more freedom and I've already racked up a complete price with an actual place, control room, voice booth, drum booth, mixers...the lot"once again James had delivered the goods, he knows what he wants and its pointless in telling him otherwise.

"what figure?" I asked, defeated.

"1.5 million" he replied, my eyes almost popped out of my head

"Fuck James! are you planning to have your studio built in a palace?"

"no but thats with a fully equipped studio, a place for rehersing, instruments... shit Sheriden, im not talking about a tiny room built on the back of my house, im serious about doing it properly" he turned me back on to the bed beside him.

"maybe it would be better to start small baby, music is the hardest business to crack thats all im saying James, your gonna end up 3 million down before you know it"

"no WE wouldn't end up 3 mil' down coz I was hoping if I had you on board it wouldnt be a flop, we can do this" his optimism astounded me.

james was one of those few people in life that was pretty good at anything he tried, cooking, singing, dancing, acting, boxing ... sex. you name it, james was the master of all he touched.

"so you want 500 thousand each from me and carlos in the hope we dont end up losing a million each 6 months down the line?" my eyes now narrowed as I lay on my stomach looking up at his adonis face.

James looked me in the eye thoughtfully before he responded to my sceptical view."yeh" was the simple response he gave with his American smile, then rolled me on to my back with one gentle swift move of my arms and climbed on top of me.

"okay" I replied with a giggle as our noses touched. clearly arguing with him was pointless as he was going to do it anyway.

"okay?" he questioned with a glint in his eye and kissed me on my lips.

I kissed him back as my agreed response and james worked his way from my lips to my jaw, then my jaw to my neck. I was in heaven... I ran my fingers along his arms, beautiful strong arms that could easily lift kisses trailed along the sides of my chest, sending goose bumps over my body, james' hand held my waist, gently circling his fingers on my bare skin. his kissing reached my stomach, I let out a small moan of pleasure at the anticipation of not knowing where he might go next.

he placed both his arms underneath me and pulled my face back level with his own, he nuzzled his face in my neck, his fingers ran down my thighs.

"I love you" he said just as he ran his tongue down the side of my jaw. then his tongue left my jaw to go lower down my body. feeling james' tongue pleasing me was almost too much to cope with, my vocal chords had a life of there own now, waves of pleasure coming over me. to add to my pleasure james teased me with his fingers, his touch inside me made my insides throb for him.

I really was the luckiest girl in the world right now


	16. Chapter 16

Sheridens Story...

Carlos' house was always a busy house.

Either full of family or full of friends, today was a mixture of both.

All the big time rush boys were round, carlos' father and brother andres, and myself. it was like the scene from some old movie, everyone joking and getting along with not nearly enough seats for people to sit on.

it was my third home in life, from my own of course and james'.

I used to live with carlos's family when I first moved from England at the age of 19, I was 30 now. if it wasnt for carlos' dad i would probably be dead or at least still a cocaine addict wishing to die.

James was on a mission today to get Carlos on board his record label plans, he had in typical james style gone to a lot of trouble putting together on his laptop the expected annual incomes, outcomes and turn overs of his proposed record deal. but unfortunatly for james, Carlos wasnt buying in.

"honestly James it sounds great and all and im sure its gonna take off, but its not where I want my life headed, I got plans of my own" carlos said with a brotherly pat on the shoulder and walked out of the kitchen that james had dragged him into to sell his pitch.

"baby, I'll just front the extra money okay. I know how much you wanna do this..." I said to james

"no sheriden, I wanted it 3 ways. you think I wanna see your smug face when it goes tits up and you lost more than a million that you put in..." james was adement he didnt want my help.

"well what more can I do?" I buried my head in james chest, i felt his defeat.

"I know someone that will want in on that!" came a familiar voice from behind me.

on turning around kendall was there with a dimpled grin on his face.

kendall is one of the 4 of big time rush, he is also my ex boyfriend, a boyfriend that would of been the father of my unborn son, but after kendall had cheated on me whilst filming in Canada, I was involved in a car accident that resulted in me miscarrying the baby. our relationship despite all this and the fact I was now dating one of his best friends was surprisingly good as long as we didnt talk about the baby.

I found it easier to ignore my feelings on that matter. burying my head in the sand worked well for me.

"I dont just want anyone man, I need to trust them" came james' honest reply

"they can be trusted" kendall said with a smirk.

"who is it then?" I enquired.

"me" kendall replied cossing his arms over his torso.

I looked up to james with a smile

"there you go then, kendall will be your partner, problem solved" I said.

james looked from me to kendall and back to me.

"i dunno bro, carlos is like family with me n sheriden, even if it got messed up I know he wouldnt fuck me over you know, not that im saying you would but...well its been hard ay"

although james' words sounded harsh, he spoke the truth.

James and kendall remained very good friends, brothers even. but its not been without a load of pain and the want of making big time rush a complete success.

Kendall swore he had no resentment in his heart for james being with me, and although james knew I would never go back to kendall, the hurt I had recieved from being kendalls girlfriend was more than I could ever take again.

james was just never sure of what kendalls intentions towards me would be in the long term.

"yeah I know... think about it, if you dont find anyone else then keep me in mind... music is my life james I would love a chance to do something like that" kendall left the kitchen after his somewhat truthfull speech.

"he is right you know, he knows exactly what he is doing in a studio, music is a second language to him james" my views on kendalls music capabilities aired there way out.

although james was a very talented musician, he could play pretty much any instrument in the world, it was kendalls speciality that was found in a studio.

"yeah I know he is a wizard...but its kendall...and you and me working together, like some weird threesome" james' odd vision of himself and kendall and I pissed me off.

"fuck it james, what? you dont trust me? after all this time"

"no i trust YOU! but he hasn't even so much as dated another girl since you broke up with him, whats that all about?" james said.

"James for fuck sake, give the guy a break! he cheated on me coz he thought I was banging YOU behind his back, he found out I was pregnant with his baby then found out we had lost it, then found out that you were head over heels in love with me. then did the manly thing of just letting us happen without so much as an arguement... all for the sake of your band. its a lot to deal with"

james looked at me shocked that I had just mentioned the baby... it didnt happen very often, he chose not to pick up on it and stress me out, he just pressed on with the matter at hand,

"yeah i know, we've been through this, I feel bad, we both feel bad" james ran his fingers through his hair in an attempt to clear his mind

"cmon, your brothers! we are all family now, so much crazy crap has happened in the last 3 years to all of us. I think we are pretty much bonded for life" my motivational words even convinced myself of a rosy future.

"fuck it, okay... okay, kendall it is" he relented with a kiss on my forehead.

from then on it was all systems go, james had found an amazing property in which to house the studio with as promised an oversized rehersal stage, and all the gadgets you could shake a stick at inside the actual studio.

it was indeed money wisely spent.

Kendall knew what he was talking about when it came to producing the music, it all came together really well.

I took care of the legal side of things, got the ball rolling on the actual record label and soon enough we were ready to find and sign our first band to MSL records... Maslow/Schmidt/Lloyd.

again the finding was kind of left down to me, James and Kendall had been on a tour of the states with big time rush so it was my turn to come up trumps, I went to more gigs than I could really manage. not coming across anything that was signable untill I found a girl group in Detroit. they were good, called KANDY TEAZE, vocals were outstanding, they wrote their own songs, good songs too and definitely there was a gap in the market that could house a girl group like this.

there was of course one major problem with kandy teaze. I phoned james to tell him of my find.

"hey baby, I got good news!" I started off hopeful, knowing it was a lost cause.

"hey Sheri, im excited tell me" james sounded excited too, I thought quickly...

"I tell you what, I'll send you a track... you and Kendall listen to it and then let me know, but these girls are hot james, they have a good look about them"

"send us a picture of them to my email sheri' I love you baby, I knew you could do it" james' voice sounded so honest, i loved him so much just for believing in me.

I sent the track of kandy teaze to James and Kendall, they both loved it, both agreed that vocals were amazing and both wondered why the group hadn't already been signed.

James phoned me back from his tour bus with kendall on loud speaker.

"honestly Sheriden they sound great" kendall voiced over the phone.

"wheres' the picture?" james asked.

"oh right...erm okay, I'm just sending it to your email now"

I held my breath waiting for a swear word to soon come my way.

"okay I got my lap top here, should come though in a sec...'" james sounded excited again.

"...what the...? fucking no way sheriden!" came from James, and Kendall just let out a small chuckle.

"you heard it your self james they are good!" I protested

"sheriden, its KACEY FUCKIN' DELTA! no way am I helping that deranged bitch out"

well there it was... obsenities from James' mouth after discovering who one of the girls of kandy teaze were.

kandy teaze comprised of three girls...girl number one was Amberleigh Scott. 20, a pretty blonde from dallas, texas, who had the voice of an angel and the musical knowledge that would please Kendall.

girl number two was Paisley Petrelli. 19, an amazing singer from Reno, Nevada, with a sexy italian look.

girl number three was Kacey Delta, 21, Kacey had a very powerful voice. from San Francisco, California. she had previously been signed on columbia records along with Big Time Rush. but got dropped after the untimely ending of her relationship with her then boyfriend... james maslow.

James had finished things up with Kacey in a decent manner, unfortunatly Kacey expressed her dismissal from James' arms on twitter with a lot of foul mouthed anger aimed towards him. she found her self in the middle of a hate campaign with over 400.000 big time rush fans and made herself look ridiculous with out James even retaliating one word, but she held a grudge and totally flipped her lid very publicly at an awards ceremony after party, which ended with her assualting James, and being involved with another fight with Carlos' ex girlfriend Tammi.

needless to say no record label wanted to touch her now.

"Sheriden there is no fucking way I am signing that crazy bitch" James made his views clear over the phone to me.

"okay so me and kendall dont get a say in it now? coz I know they are good, I can see they are good, and oooh wasn't this my job that YOU gave me to find the talent. well tadaa james! here it is" My voice oozed venom at the love of my life.

"no I'm not saying you dont get a say in it, I'm just saying...well why the fuck would you even want kacey in the same room as me anyway? she is my ex! most girlfriends would wanna steer clear of that shit" James put his point across fair and square.

"yeah she is your ex... who isnt though james?" I could hear Kendall in hysterics, chuckling away on the phone next to James. "but she wants the best she can get in life. right? and we want the best we can get for this project. right? so where is the law saying that both partys cant make a good go of this and both do well".

"sheriden can i just sa..." I cut kendall off letting his view out.

"kendall let me finish right. you think kacey was pleased to see me tonight, was she fuck! but after talking to her, and she heard all I had to say she is willing to give it a go...she is good james, you know she is, her voice is amazing." I finished my rampage.

"look guys," kendall now took part in the debate. "obviously this isn't great, we finally find something good and its not got the best history attached to it, but we could use that in our favour...I mean the media would go nuts over a story like that. you never know maybe kacey hitting you james was the best thing that she ever did, and if the band have got something then its free advertising all the way in the press"

"see james. kendalls got the right idea" I added.

There was silence for a while over the phone until finally james spoke.

"okay... fucksake!...get them in L.A. to do some demos, and we will go from there... sheriden im not happy about this, im doing it for you okay. I wanted you coz I know your business head is great. I trust your judgement baby"

so the plan was now to get the girls to L.A. with me and hopefully things will work out.

I was nervous doing this on my own. kendall had a friend called max that oversaw all studio production for him and james.

musically I was talentless, couldnt sing a note - much to james' amusement. and I had no clue as such to how a studio should be run. so max was looking after that, where as I looked after the girls.

9 days untill big time rush finished their tour, and I could not wait


	17. Chapter 17

_**paisleys story**_

I honestly could not believe my luck. Sheriden Lloyd finding my band! I mean honestly who would of thought it.

we had just got off the plane from Detroit and now on route to our new studio and new home, at least for now in L.A.

the other girls in my band are great Amberleigh is adorable, we are so alike, and Kacey is like a big sister to me. I couldnt wish to be in this mad situation with anyone else in the world than these two girls.

as a trio we make Kandy Teaze, its I suppose what you would call a dance pop group. Amberleigh was the song writer, she was amazing, and Kacey had the best voice, we all took it in turns to sing though but Kacey was definately put forward to shine.

we arrived at the studio and met with Sheriden Lloyd, she seemed nice. Kacey already knew her. it seemed a bit tense now between them than it did in Detroit. kacey had begun making small comments, some of which im sure sheriden must of heard

"well done girls, its all sounding great" Sheriden said after a week finished in the studio. "get yourselves looking great and I will have a car pick you up from your hotel at 8 and you will finally get to meet James and Kendall for dinner, and we can discuss what the next move will be with you all" she clapped her hands together and walked out of the studio to talk to max the producer guy.

I smiled at my female companions, this was it now! make or break time. the songs we had recorded did really sound great, very catchy hooks.

At our hotel the girls and I decided on what we would wear to the nights dinner we had planned with our new found bosses.  
we were all nervous as we didnt know what any one really thought of us, and Kacey was almost climbing the walls in despair at the thought of being sat at the same dining table as James Maslow...her ex.

blimey she must of done really well to get him. James is stunning, and I couldnt wait to meet him and Kendall Schmidt this evening. another little imaginary tick against my claims to fame.

It was a shame that Kacey kind of had this black cloud hung over her head. she didnt keep it to her self and it wasnt long before we were all feeling the tension.

"I dont know what he see's in that has-been" kacey kept saying

"Kace' honestly..." Amberleigh sighed to try and turn the atmosphere back to excitement.

"no, really she is a total bitch, i mean she was obviously fucking James behind mine and Kendalls back the entire time" she spat.

"well why dont you just ask her. clear the air, coz if your gonna go in to this with all that crap in your head your gonna ruin this whole thing for all three of us" I explained rationally to her.

"no its fine, I am the better person. I will rise above it" she gave a forced smile to reassure amberleigh and I then downed a glass of wine. kacey was lovely but she didnt know her limit when it came to drinkng alcohol

we arrived at the restaurant just before 9pm. we were taken to our table, Sheriden, James and Kendall had not arrived yet. all three of us sat waiting, only making nervous conversation about how nice the restaurant looked. i was panicking Kacey was going to explode. she could not sit still, then i heard her say "FUCK!".

i turned my head in the direction of her curse, in they came. honestly it was like the scene from twilight where the cullens first come in the food hall. perfection after perfection..

james came in first, his hair shorter than i had seen in the recent pictures of him, he wore his trade mark blue suit and matching tie, his accessory he had attached to his hand very firmly was of course sheriden, she looked beautiful, a full length red dress, her long brown hair down. the dress showed off how tiny her waist was. she was an oil painting on very long legs. together they made very much the American power couple.

i would of said that Sheriden had probably gone out of her way to make sure Kacey could not look more beautiful than her this evening. Kacey was very pretty but she was nothing compared to Sheriden Lloyd.

then lagging behind was Kendall. he was dressed formal but he gave it a casual look, from what I knew of Kendall Schmidt he was a nice guy. and from what i read in the papers, Sheriden and James had completly screwed him over.

once at the table Sheriden introduced everyone to each other. Kacey didnt say anything to James or Sheriden. oh boy this was going to be a long night.

the wine flowed, not that i was old enough to drink any. the evening got off to a promising start, the five of us chatted away getting to know each other. talking about our home towns, and how we got in to music but Kacey would not join in. she had downed a couple of glasses of wine before we left the hotel, let alone the three she had sat here stewing away. i had a bad feeling about Kacey tonight.

i was sat next to Kendall. he was charming, cute little dimples on his face, delicious eyes and a nice manly frame on his shoulders, i though to myself that having him and James as my bosses surely wasnt a bad thing.

Kendall wanted to know every detail about me, he laughed at my jokes, even the ones that didnt make any sense. he made me feel very welcome at that table. I enjoyed feeling like that.  
Amberleigh was talking to Sheriden about the week in the studio. Amberleigh knew a lot about music, where as i just knew how to sing, i think Sheriden was learning a lot from Amberleigh because from what i had seen in the studio with her, she didnt know much more than I did.

James was nodding along to the conversation between Sheriden and Amberleigh, he was sandwiched betwen the two of them. he looked tense.

as i glanced at Kacey, i knew she was about to blow a gasket, i couldnt have her blow my opportunity to make it big. this was my life. i wasnt prepared to let her ruin it because she got dumped by a boy almost two years ago.

"James...!" she finally slurred out

thinking quickly i did the first thing i could do to create a distraction and knocked my soda over, it went everywhere, all over my lap, and across most of the tableware.  
i stood up patting everything down with a napkin that had escaped the carnage.

"oh god, im so so sorry" i shreiked out to the others.

"if you excuse us for a minute" sheriden announced, as she also stood up and took james over to the entrance of the restaurant. sheriden was having some words in his ear.

amberleigh just sat there with a friendly smile on her face, watching me mop up soda before it spread any further over the table.

"get her out of here!" i said to amberleigh through gritted teeth, looking at kacey.

"what?... how?" was amberleighs flustered response

just then sheriden came back, making an excuse that james was called away.

"kacey honey, do you mind if we chat? i can drop you off to the hotel after" came sheridens plee to kacey. sheriden must be trying to avoid a scene as much as i am to make this band work out.

"sure whatever" came kaceys well thought out reply.

kacey was so drunk, sheriden took her by the arm, whispered something in kendalls ear then walked out as gracefully as she could with kacey.

kendall raised his eyebrows to amberleigh and i.  
i felt sorry for him, he had obviously pinned a lot of hopes on me and the girls and it looked very much in tatters at the moment.

"how about we get out of here and go to a club girls?" kendall was relaying what sheriden had whispered in his ear.

"sure im so up for that!" amberleigh giggled out, she had a terrible laugh.

i looked down at my dress, i wasnt going anywhere soon

"you two go ahead i can catch you up after im changed" my own plan to avoid kacey flipping out had now back fired on me.

kendall looked at me.

"i'll tell you what, il drop amberleigh off to the club , james will be there so she wont be on her own and i will take you back paisley to get changed. it will be quicker that way" kendall had thought this through to work out in my favour so i wasnt going to argue.

we gathered our belongings and left the restaurant for kendalls car.

it was nice, i couldnt see what it was, maybe an audi or something executive like that. amberleigh called shot gun. so i ended up in the back. i wondered how james had left the restaurant if sheriden still had the car, or maybe all three of them came seperatly just incase a kacey dilemma did crop up and this was sheridens back up plan.

we dropped amberleigh off outside some swanky night club, james met her out side. he took her hand as they walked away. lucky bitch i thought to my self.  
i stayed in the back as kendall drove the rest of the way to my hotel. i was glad of this as i didnt feel the need to have to think of things to say to him.

the car came to a stop and i got out.

"did you want to come in or wait here?" i asked kendall through the driverside window.

"hmmm, il come in then" kendall replied

shit! i wasn't banking on him saying that. i was just being polite. my mind wondered off to what state we had left our hotel room in...

the lift journey up to the 5th floor was a quiet one, kendall had this odd smug smirk slapped on his handsome face. i couldnt work him out anymore.

the room was a bit of a mess, kacey had left her wine bottle out and clothes scattered the floor, along with bath robes, and make up adorned any flat surface going.

i quickly found a nice dress to wear and went in to the bath room to change. i left kendall sat in a chair in the main room.

after a few minutes i returned in my newly un soda drenched outfit, and declared my self ready to go.

kendall looked me over. he was copping a good eyefull of me now and not even trying to hide it.

"your very pretty you know?" he said as he stood up out of the chair.

i stood there shocked, thinking what the fuck is going on?

kendall walked over to me and took my long black hair in his hands

"beautiful actually" he continued

"ken...kendall maybe we should get goi..." his lips were on mine before i could finish my sentance. i was shocked but i was enjoying it. kissing kendall schmidt in my hotel room was pretty much a novelty tick on my claims to fame.

his hands planted them selves on my waist, i was locked in now, but i wouldnt of moved away even if i wasnt.

"i like you paisley" he finally said breaking away from me.

i laughed, "i like you too...i mean your kendall... from big time rush..." when in my head i was screaming he is your BOSS, BOSS, BOSS, BOSS!

"are you okay with me kissing you paisley?" i loved the way he kept saying my name. he was very in control of the situation, what was i meant to say? was he using me?... shit i didnt care...its kendall fucking schmidt!

"im definetly okay with it" i replied as i locked him back on to my hips and kissed him, i slipped my tongue in this time, his joined mine just as quickly.

we ended up on amberleighs bed. she was gonna kill me when she found out about this...

kendall was all over me like some erotic rash, he was kissing every part of my body that wasn't hidden by my small dress.

his hands briefly left me for him to undo his own clothes and get his bottom half free to ravish me. once his essentials were out, his hands were firmly back on my body, he tugged at my dress pulling it up and then freeing me of my underwear he layed me down flat on the bed and opened my legs.  
he kissed all along my thighs, and caressed his fingers over my privates.  
he was enjoying himself. he liked pleasing me, he liked hearing my moans of pleasure as his tongue took over from his fingers.

he was teasing me, his mouth left my intimate area and he worked his way up my body, scattering me with little kisses.

the noises that left my mouth i had never heard before, i saw the meaning of big time rush in a whole new light as i felt kendall inside me. his pace was quick, and hard. i wanted it so bad.  
it all felt so good.  
my hands ran through kendalls hair, tugging at the ends as the feeling of our intamacy hit new heights.  
it was all very rough and ready. i had never had sex like this sex scared me but i liked this. kendall knew his way round my body like others never did, he kissed my neck, and i heard moans of climax escape him, this was closely followed by my own noises of gratitude towards kendal schmidt.

kendall was still laying in between my thighs when the door sprang open and sheriden lloyd stood there with her mouth wide open in shock with a very drunk looking kacey delta next to her.

i noticed then that kendalls smug grin had appeared back on his face as he saw the look on sheridens.


	18. Chapter 18

**Sheridens Story...**

* * *

god! i knew this was gonna be a mistake. James was right, kacey is gonna ruin this and make me look a complete and utter idiot.

look at her! she is pissed already and we have only been here for half hour.

i nudged james and he gave me the look to say, i know, i know!

so here we are, at the first official meeting of the six of us. a fancy restaurant i decided was the best place to hold this, the more public i figured the better.  
hopefully kacey could contain her rage. in detroit she seemed to want the fame and success more, but here in L.A. she seemed to just want to ruin me. snide little comments, that i had just so far brushed off.

i wasnt going to let james win this one. i found these girls and i was gonna make things work. i was sure of that.

amberleigh was chatting to james and i about some of the songs maybe needing some triple tracking, james seemed to know what she was talking about as he nodded but i didnt really understand what all the musical lingo meant.

i could see kacey on yet another glass of wine and then it happened.

"james!" i heard slush out of her drunken mouth.

great here we go i thought.  
just as kacey opened her trap paisley had spilt her drink all over her self and put kacey off track of her drunken slurs. i will not have this demented bitch embarrass james again like she did at the KVA's

i dragged james away to a quiet spot in the restaurant, as paisley patted down her dress

"sheriden i cant do this, she is gonna hit the roof any second..." james said, he was pissed off

"baby i know, listen to me... maybe if we just sort this out with the three of us then she can move on" i pleaded to james knowing the reply i would get before it left his sexy pouting mouth.

"no! no fucking way, you said she was cool with this, i will not talk to that crazy bitch about anything other than her music career. if she wants to mess it up a second time then good for her, but she will not drag me down with her this time" james' words were final.

"okay, can I at least try and talk her round?" i folded my arms.

"you can do what you want with her, just watch out for her left hook!" he gave me a wry smile

i rolled my eyes at the memory of kaceys slap she gave james all that time ago.

"fine! i will sort her out, i'll get kendall and the other two to meet you at the club. okay?"

"yeah thats fine sheriden... you have a sexy look in your eye when you try so hard to prove me wrong you know...". james' conclusion to most problems was sexual innuendo.

i smiled and kissed him "your filth maslow you know that dont you!" i kissed him goodbye after he handed me his car keys and walked back over to the table.

kacey agreed to come with me to have a chat. that was easy enough.

"get those two in the club, and make them have a good time okay. james will meet you there" i whispered in kendalls ear. then i tried my best to help kacey to james' car with out her making me fall over.

james had rented this insane car, it was a maserati. it looked sporty and delicious but it scared the hell out of me to drive.

james had unfortunatly drawn the short straw of getting a cab to the club. bloody kacey, forcing me to drive this thing.

i drove the short distance back to my home in central L.A. and sat kacey down for what should make for an interesting chat.

she had a face like a slapped arse on her.

"kacey, i know your hurting over james still, but its really time you thought about yourself and not being so hooked on trying to hurt him back" i spoke gently and slowly to kacey.

"im not trying to hurt him" she swayed her response to me.

"then why the outburst? if paisley hadnt spilt her drink then you would of made a scene back there wouldnt you?" i was feeling a bit miffed at her now.

kacey laughed."sheriden. we used to be friends, we used to hang out. i know your...an okay person. i wasnt going to make a scene... i was going to say sorry".

i let out a small laugh myself. "sorry? dont take this the wrong way but i dont quite believe you, and i wouldnt exactly of called us friends...".

" believe what you want! ive had just over a week to get my head around this, in detroit you spoke your words of wisdom at me, and said we can work it out and can make something big from all this. in L.A. i must admit i got a bit hung up from being in your comapany all the time, wondering what he possibly sees in you". kacey vented her views at me.

"what?, so you now have anger issues at me?" i retorted.

"no, you see sheriden, tonight i realised you and james are well suited, he is a self rightious know it all, and most likely some closet gay that will come out in a few years, whilst you are this has-been model that needs to stick her fingers in every pie to try and make yourself look important... i pity you both, and so glad im not a part of james and his tirade to take over the universe" she finished up folding her arms over her chest.

"well kacey... you definatly have been busy choosing your words this evening. but the fact remains that its james' 'tirade' on the universe that wants to make your singing career a success".

"yes... sheriden, i realise that...which is why i was going to apologise to him for my past behaviour"

i rolled my eyes at her.

kacey continued. " i can look past our differences and get on with this band... if you and james can do the same. like i said we used to be friends".

"kacey the only issue that i have with you right now is that im fully aware that your drinking habits get you in to trouble. what happened with you and james had nothing to do with me at the time".

"really coz i think you were sleeping with him behind mine and kendalls back" kacey had her arse face slapped on her again.

"jesus not this crap again... kacey the entire time you were with james, all he was to me was a good friend. im not prepared to drag up my past with kendall to prove to you that i did fuck all with your ex boyfriend"

i let out a pissed off sigh before continuing

"do you want our help with kandy teaze or not? coz no other fucker is gonna touch you, you know that right?"

"yeah i know. i will take your word for it that you didnt then okay." kacey relaxed back in my couch.

"honestly though kacey, you need to kick back from all the drinking. i wont sit back and watch my own money get pissed down the toilet by you causing a scene on every night out and creating the wrong kind of publicity for yourself!"

"okay, so you gonna take me back to my hotel now this is cleared up?" she sat forwards as her que to leave my home.

"sure, maybe tomorrow we can try and make a fresh start yeah?" i opted to end the conversation on a high note.

kacey smiled back at me as if to call it a truce.

"cmon lets get you back before your sick in that god damn car" i helped her out of my couch and we left for the hotel.


	19. Chapter 19

**_sheridens story_**

at the hotel i decided it best to help kacey to her room, she almost split her head open by banging in to the side of the elevator i tried to pop her in to.

once up on the 5th floor she did manage to fall arse over face in the corridoor, the contents of her purse spilt all over the place. kacey just sat with her legs sprawled on the floor laughing her head off at her own stupidity.

"kacey. jesus! get up!" i moaned at her as i picked up her belongings and put them back in her purse. i kept the key card in my hand to open her room door.

sooner she gets in, sooner i get to to meet up with james and kendall, and the remaining kandy teaze girls to talk ideas in whats happening with them next.

kacey had totally messed this evening up.

"kacey i am not risking my back by trying to lift your drunken ass up. now move!"

"gee whiz sheriden... its not my fault your a wannabe cripple. how does james cope with all your moaning...when i was with him we..."

"When you were with james he used to tell me how much you two argued and how much he had, had enough of your bitching" i stood looking over her with my hand out stretched to help her up.

"yeah well. thats jus' coz' he used me to get where he wanted to be" she reached out for my hand and pulled her self up.

"kacey! you are a nobody, and when you met james you were again a nobody. im trying to help you become someone, so i suggest you shut the fuck up and help me to help you".

i handed her the purse and took her by the arm to escape another fall. what the hell did james ever ever see in this girl i will never understand.

finally we reached her room, i slid the key card in and the door click open, i gave the door a slight kick to get me and kacey in. the door swung open.

first i saw paisley petrellis' embarrassed face gawping up at me, her dress was riled up just below her chest.

then the person who was on top of her turned around to face me and my heart sank.

kendall lay there inbetween paisleys legs with his bare ass out.

his face was smiling at me, it wasnt an oh fuck we just got caught shagging smile, it was... well evil, it was a look at me sheriden, look at me get stuck in to this and im loving it smile.

why did he look like that, and why was he having sex with paisley. they had only known each other 5 minutes. kendall didnt sleep around, not that i knew of anyway that was logans habit. kendall hadnt so much as looked at another girl for so long now.

as kendall saw the look of shock on my face his smug grin just got worse.

kacey was in hysterics laughing again, as she realised who was on top of who.

i didnt know what to do or say.

i left kaceys arm and ran back to the elevator.

once the doors had closed i stood against the mirrored wall. my head was swirling with thoughts.

was kendall just getting lucky or did he plan that. he knew i was taking kacey back to her hotel. he heard me say it in the restaurant to her.

was he trying to ruin james record label...there record label. surely he wouldn't waste all that money just to try and hurt us.

i walked out in to the hotel parking lot, and got back in james' car. i sat at the wheel trying to clear my head.

no this is ridiculous, Kendall and paisley obviously hit it off and got carried away and then me walking in was just bad timing. Kendall wouldn't do anything to hurt me or james. would he?

as i started the engine i saw Kendall and paisley walk through the parking lot. paisley had a stern look on her face and Kendall didn't look much happier. they weren't holding hands, Kendall walked a good few paces in front.  
they didn't look very happy at all.

what was going on? i drove out before they saw me, i didn't want Kendalls eyes in my head again this evening, and no way im going to the club.

once i was back in my house i phoned james. he deserves to know that Kendall may have just fucked up our chances of signing a decent group.  
if paisley pulls out of signing her contract because Kendall loved and left her its gonna put us straight back at square on.

the cell rang in my ear waiting for james to pick up.

"hey baby. hang on a sec"

i barely heard james' voice over the loud music.

"thats better. can you hear me okay now?"

"yeah thats better. james i got some news. its not great really"

"hey buddy".  
"sorry baby kendall just got here. what news do you have?"

"oh have they just turned up? are they with you now?" shit!

"yeah we are all here waiting for you now. where are you? you okay? whats the news? did kacey hurt you?"

"no... james im fine, ... i just dropped kacey back and she fell over... she er... just pulled me about a bit and my backs hurting thats all, im just gonna go to bed and sleep it off."

"oh babe! really? well are you at mine?"

"no im at home james, i just want my own bed tonight. i love you millions though yeh"

"okay well i'll see you tomorrow morning then sheriden okay. you take it easy baby. love you millions too sheri"

"night baby"

"night"

the line went dead.

great how was i meant to tell james when kendall was in the same room. james is gonna be pissed off when he finds out kendall has taken advantage of his situation like this. maybe i should just keep my mouth shut.

i crawled in to bed with memories of mine and kendalls very brief relationship. he has changed so much from those days.

i drifted off to sleep.


	20. Chapter 20

PAISLEYS STORY

Oh my goodness I want the ground to swallow me up now.

sheriden just turned and ran

"don't mind me guys" kacey stumbled her way in to the bathroom giggling away, then I heard her throw up in to the toilet.

Kendall got up and got his bottom half-dressed again after our hasty sex session. and I quickly pulled my dress down to cover my modesty... not that I had any left.

"so you wanna go meet your friend?" Kendall asked me, but looked at the floor.

"um... yeah. sounds good. I don't want to be stuck here listening to that all night" I pointed to the bathroom and smiled, trying to make light of a tense situation.

Kendall didn't respond.

"I'll just... um... sort myself out" I knocked on the bathroom door, kacey had finished chucking her guts up enough to let me freshen up. I shut the door behind me but could hear her talking to Kendall in the main room.

"so is this how you and james will welcome us all in to the club" she slurred out

"shut up" came Kendalls reply

"ahh cmon. we both got screwed over by james and Sheriden"

"kacey your drunk. i suggest you shut up before you end up back in detroit or where ever Sheriden found you"

I heard the room door open and close. I guess Kendall must have stepped out.

i walked back out to where kacey now lay on her bed fully clothed.

"kacey what the fuck happened with you tonight?" kacey started laughing.

"i could say the same to you pais'" i left her to it and walked out the door. Kendall was waiting for me in the corridor. we walked to the elevator in silence.

the lift doors shut and we began our decent to the lobby.

"Kendall are you... " he cut me off

"not now paisley"

I stayed silent, once out of the elevator he strode a few paces in front all the way to his car. his face looked liked thunder.

had i done something wrong. he seemed to want me up there, so whats happened now? had his fun and now bored with me?

we got in to the car and he started the engine and drove off.

what was this guys problem. he had given it all the paisley your beautiful, paisley do you mind me kissing you.

was it all a trick? and what the fuck was that grin all about when Sheriden and kacey burst in at the wrong moment.

L.A. certainly wasn't what I thought it would be.

Kendall had driven in silence for a couple of miles, no music on or anything inside the car then he pulled over to the side of the road.

fear struck me that instant. shit what is this freak gonna do to me now.

i looked out the window Kendall had driven in to a lay by on the side of a quiet road. i lifted my hand ready to grab the door handle and run.

"paisley do you do this kind of thing a lot?" Kendall broke the silence.

"huh? what kind of thing" i replied

"do you have random sex with people you hardly know" he clarified his question

" um... no not really. i mean, to be honest i have a boyfr..."

"so why did you with me tonight?" he cut my reply off with another accusing question.

"well... im not sure. I mean your Kendall Schmidt from big time rush. not many girls would not take you up on that offer"

"is it just because of who I am, or did you actually like me?" Kendall now turned to look me in the eye. I took my hand off the door lever.  
obviously Kendall has some issues.

" Kendall, you're a nice guy. I hardly know anything about you though, but given the chance then I would have preferred to get to know you before... well you know".

"ok im sorry, you know for everything. it was a mistake"  
wow im a mistake to him now. that's great.

"yeah well that makes two of us" i replied sarcastically.

he started the car again

"no! you know what. I have no clue to who I am any more". Kendall turned his engine off again as he spoke to himself.

he carried on talking.

"I thought that this would make things better in my head but nope, nothing is that fucking simple is it!"

okay! I got the feeling this wasnt about the two of us having sex anymore.

"Kendall. I don't really understand whats going on?"

"her. she fucks with my head all the time"

"who? kacey?" I asked

he laughed bitterly

"sheriden" came his dry emotionless response.

"oh... are you two still a thing?"

he laughed again.

"no. I wish. I screwed it all up, we both screwed it all up". he squeezed the steering wheel

he had the look in his eye that i had seen countless times before from my boyfriend when i found out he had cheated on me. only difference was kendalls sorrow in his face looked real.

"can I ask you a question Kendall?"

he looked at me again.

"sure"

"do _you_ do this a lot... sleep around, taking advantage of who you are?" I tried to sound as less accusing as I could.

"no. your the first person ive had sex with in a long while" his reply was honest.

"so you planned it out that sheriden might just happen to catch us doing it and you thought that would make you feel better?"

"something like that" came his distanced response.

"do you still love sheriden, kendall?" i felt in control of this situation now and liked using his name, just as he had felt in control of seducing me earlier.

"no I don't love her. I don't think I do, she just has this hold on me... look tonight has been a total mess. im really sorry"

"kendall its alright to talk about stuff you know. even if it hurts. give me you phone!"

"what? why do you want my phone?"

"just give it to me" kendall got his iphone from his pocket and handed it to me.

I punched my number in to his contacts.

"look. there you go, you have my number now. im ready when you are when you want to talk, because I definitely think you got to talk to someone. you're gonna get your self in to trouble one day doing shit like this... im on the pill by the way. you never bothered to ask"

"hm, story of my life" came a mumbled reply from him.

"what?" I was confused

"paisley how old are you?"

"19"

"you have the mind of someone much older you know?" he smiled as he talked.

he started the car yet again and this time drove away to the short distance of the nightclub.

after parking the car up the atmosphere Kendall had created seemed slightly less tense. we saw james just inside the door, he was chatting on his phone. Kendall stopped for a minute waiting to chat to him. Kendall made awkward eye contact as we listened in to the one ended conversation james was having on his phone.

"_thats better. can you hear me okay now_?"

"hey buddy".  
"_sorry baby kendall just got here. what news do you have_?"

"_yeah we are all here waiting for you now. where are you? you okay? whats the news? did kacey hurt you_?"

"_oh babe! really? well are you at mine_?"

"_okay well I'll see you tomorrow morning then sheriden okay. you take it easy baby. love you millions too Sheri_"

"_night_"

well at least I wouldn't have to show my shamed face to sheriden again tonight, it didn't sound like she was coming out.

"hey man, sorry about that, sheridens back is playing her up again so she is gonna skip tonight. paisley. amberleigh is just through there she is with Logan Henderson. she can introduce you"

oh okay obviously james wanted to talk to Kendall alone.

"actually james, im not feeling that great either, if Logan and you are okay to get the girl's home im gonna shoot off home" i heard kendall say just before i was ushered away inside.

great not even a good bye then kendall. thanks a bunch.

i walked over to amberleigh determined to make this in to a better evening than it had been so far.


	21. Chapter 21

SHERIDENS STORY

i had only been asleep for a short time since i got home from my disturbing sight of kendall and paisley but i woke up to the sound of my door chime ring.  
hopefully its james making a surprise overnight stay. i usually stay at his house for the sake of the dogs he has. but i would welcome a midnite snuggle with my handsome boyfriend right now. he always knows whats to say... and do, to bring me out from under a dark cloud.

i wrapped my self in my dressing robe and descended my winding stair case to the front door. the silhouette didnt look like james.

"who is it?" i called through the large frosted glass panal.

"sheriden its kendall, i need to talk to you"

i opened up the door just enough to poke my head out.

"can i come in" he asked.

"no. you can talk here" i replied matter of factly

"ok... look... well i dont really know where to start..." he stumbled through his sentance

"how about you start with why you fucked paisley petrelli. when i said to give the girls a good time, i meant fun and dancing. not slipping your cock inside one of them!"

"that was a mistake it was..." he tried to argue his case.

"you bet it was a mistake. are you trying to ruin this project before it even gets started. do you have any idea how much time james has put in to it?"

"fucks sake there you go on about james again. cant we have a discussion ever that doesn't involve amazing james!" kendalls voice grew steadily louder.

"oh i see! its kendall has lost the plot time again is it? its been well over a year that we broke up, why are you doing this now?" my voice also grew louder

"look can i just come in?" he placed his hand on the door.

"no you can stay here where the cctv can see you" i glanced up to the camera on the side of my property, so did he.

"you think im going to hurt you?" he laughed.

"no. i think your going to try and cause me and james problems. thats why you looked so god damn happy looking at me in between paisleys legs... honestly kendall what was going on in your head?"

"yeah well that was a mistake" he confessed

"so what? you thought me seeing you fuck someone will make me feel something for you, or you just wanted to hurt me... its one of the two kendall. least have the decency to let me know"

kendall took his hand off the door  
"to hurt you" he almost whispered.

"well it wasnt great to see my ex boyfriend fucking some one else, so i hope your happy" i tried to shut the door, but again kendalls hand rose up to hold it open.

"im sorry. my head is messed up sheriden... im sorry"

"from now on i dont want you in ten feet of paisley petrelli. i will not have you ruin this for james"

"what? how the fuck is that going to work with me helping her make an album?" kendall argued

"thats something you should of thought about before you abused your position" i retorted

"look this isnt what i came to talk to you about sheriden. i need to talk about us and the..." i cut kendall off again.

"there is no us! and you have got 10 seconds to get out of here before i phone james and tell him your here, coz im pretty damn sure he doesn't know about this?"

"please sheriden!" his voice was desperate

"no! ten, nine, eight.."

"im outta here" he mumbled.

kendall walked back to his car. he had the ordasity to phone someone and chit chat before driving off, i shut and locked the door on the bolt.

what if he was phoning james, and going to cause trouble that way?

my heart was pounding. why is he dragging all this up now. he swore he was fine with everything. it was even him that had visited james and said he is okay with him seeing me.

i walked over to my telephone and dialled james' number.

it rang

"hi sheriden, i thought you be sleeping by now?" james answered.

hmmm, obviously kendall hadnt rung james then

"yeah i was but... james i really need you tonight, can you come round? i cant wait til tomorrow to see you baby"

"yeah course i can. tonight was a total wash out, kendall left as soon as he arrived, so its just me and logan with the girls.

"how come logan showed up?"

"he was already here with shawn"

"oh right. i see"

"i will be round soon as i can okay sheri"

"james..." i hesitated

"ya"

"i love you so much, you know that yeah" i tried to make my voice sound casual.

"course i do. your my world sheriden lloyd"

i smiled.

"get your sexy ass back here soon okay" i twisted the telephone cord in my fingers.

"love you sheri', see you in a bit"

"bye babe"

"bye"

a wave of relief washed over me. soon my gorgeous james would be here in my arms. i was still unclear on wether to tell him about all the antics that had happened over the course of this evening.

keeping things from james was a new thing for me, and i didnt like it. i told him everything, every part of my life he knew about, he never judged and he never critisised on any of it, only ever offered a shoulder to cry on or advise me as best he could.

from the first time i ever spoke to james we connected. he is my other half, and im only ever going to be complete with him in my life.

im not stupid enough to risk that by keeping things from him.

he said im his life. i know he is mine.

i made a hot drink in the kitchen when i heard the sound of moving gravel out side my home, car doors open and close and the bark of a dog.

the door chime rang. and i opened the door to my beautiful american smile.

"how come my key didnt work?" was the first question i got from james.

"it does work, i had dead bolted the door thats all, i forgot to take it off"

fox and falco the dogs came running in. james took them in to my utility room. they didnt get treated like babies in my house. they got treated like pets, which meant they had a dog bed and a blanket in my wash room next to the washing machine.

i walked back in to the kitchen to finish my drink, james followed me in and sat at my dark wood table.

"so what did kacey have to say then?" james enquired.

" oh my god, that girl was so drunk, she is a total liability. she said she was going to say sorry to you, but basically she hates you because you want to rule the world and she dislikes me for being your side kick"

"hmmm not all bad then" he laughed.

"no, nothing i cant control... something else did happen this evening though."

"ya whats that?"

"oh... i'll tell you later. i just want my james fix right now" i sat down next to him, but he pulled his chair out and sat me on his lap.  
i wrapped my arms around his neck. he smelled amazing still, even after being in a hot club.

i gave him a small kiss on the lips.

"i love you maslow" i whispered.

he smiled and kissed me back, but longer, more seductively than i had.

"hows your back now?" he questioned

"long story baby, i'll tell you later"  
i moved my hands from around his neck to his waist line and slipped them up his shirt to feel the warmth of his torso.

"oh i see its like that tonite is it?" he smiled back at me

"it might be" i grinned back and gave him another small kiss.

with that james lifted me up and sat me on the edge of my dark wood table. he stood up and undid his trousers.  
i played with him in my hands. he was already very hard.

he kissed the side of my face, and ran his hands across the out side of my thighs, before pulling at the belt on my dressing robe and removing it all together.

he tugged at my night shirt to access himself in me. one hand tipped my chin upwards so he could kiss me fully on the lips and the other hand freed me from my hold i had on his erection. he then pulled me in closer towards him. i cold feel him go inside me.

his rhythm was slow and careful. i unbuttoned his shirt and kissed james on the chest as he rocked his body against mine.

the pleasure was full on, i leaned back on the table to steady my self. he carressed his tongue against my neck and showered tiny kisses as he went further up to meet my lips.

feeling him so hard inside me took my breath away. sounds of pleasure escaped my mouth. james pulled my body in towards him even closer. holding me so tight against his movement.

james then moved one of his hands to gently stroke my breasts. the feeling of him all over my body sent waves of pleasure through me that i couldnt control. my orgasm ebbed away at me. pleasure taking control of every nerve of my body. i felt him harden even further in me and then heard james' noise of climax escape from his mouth.

we showered together and went to bed. james fell to sleep pretty quick i however had a mind full of problems. how was i going to tell james about kendall and paisley?  
i wondered what paisley thought was happening? was she the kind of girl that just slept about. as far as i was aware she said she had a boyfriend back home in reno.

i finally drifted off in to sleep but a pair of electric green eyes appeared from no where in my head and jolted me back to conciousness.

"james...james... wake up" i gently nudged james awake.

"whassup sheri?" james voice sounded gruff and un broken. i liked it

"i need to talk to you" i nudged him again before his eyes could shut.

james wiped a hand over his face, and swept his brown hair out of his eyes. he sat up slightly and looked at me as i sat crossed legged on top of the bed next to him.

"whats up babe... your back bad?" his voice still hoarse

"no its fine... i lied about my back im sorry, its perfectly fine"

james now sat up further and turned his bedside light on, he rubbed his eyes to wake himself up properly.

"whats going on?" he finally said "what did kacey say to you tonight, i swear im gonna kill tha..."

"no baby its not kacey. its not her...its... well ...its kendall"

again james ran his hand over his face but he didnt say anything. he waited for me to talk.

"when i took kacey back to her hotel room, we kind of walked in on paisley and kendall doing it..."

"what? whats that all about?" james frowned his eyebrows trying to work out what i was trying to get at.

"well listen... basically he knew i was coming up there and he seduced paisley so that i would see them...doing it. and he had this...this... disgusting smirk on his face. i ran out and came home, then kendall showed up here wanting to talk and..."

"woah hang on. you mean tonite kendall came here?"

"yeah he must of dumped paisley on you and come over here. i didnt let him in but he just seemed really fucked up you know. i dont know whats going on in his head. i mean what was he thinking sleeping with paisley anyway... he is gonna end up screwing up all the work we have done for this record label.."

" right sheriden hang on a sec'. your rambling now. you caught kendall having sex with paisley petrelli because he knew you would walk in on him?"

"well yeah, i mean he didnt know i was gonna go up there but he obviously took the risk and it worked." i agreed.

"then kendall told me he was ill and going home but instead he came here?" james had a look on his face that i had only seen once. when he was getting dragged about by an insane kacey delta at the KVA awards and he just stared at me in disbelief. wishing it away.  
the last time i saw that look, it scared the hell out of me, and it scared the hell out of me still.

"so what happened when he was here?"

"nothing happened... he said he wanted to talk but i moaned at him about jeperdising our signing by sleeping with paisley. he said he wanted to talk about me and him. i said there is nothing to talk about and threatened to call you. then he left".

james stayed silent for several minutes.

"james you know i would never... you know... i would never risk losing you. i love you so much. i never would."

"sheriden i trust you. i know you wouldnt baby..."  
"thats why you locked the door on the dead bolt?" his head was ticking away.

"did he try and hurt you?" his voice a whisper.

"no he wanted to come in but i said no. he tried to push the door open but then i said i was going to call you and he left"

"so what did he want to talk about with you then?"

"i dont know james. and i dont want to know. as far as im concerned its over, it was over the minute he cheated on me"

silence fell on us again.

"so when you walked in and saw them together. what did that feel like?" james asked

"well it was shit, of course it was. im not gona lie. it was more his face than anything. it was full of hate. but its always hard to see any ex with someone new. i guess maybe we rub it in kendalls face a bit."

"what are you gonna do james?"

"nothing" he replied

"what?" i said kind of shocked.

"well its easier if i dont do anything, you've told me, and thats all i need to know. maybe you should talk to him. he hasn't been kendall for a while."

"what do you mean? he was the one that said it was fine for us to go for it"

"sheriden i was there when he cheated on you, i was the one that held you untill you couldnt cry anymore, i was the one that you begged to take the pain from your broken heart away. that was me, i listened to it all, i will never forget one word. hearing the heartache from the girl i loved is something i never will forget. and here you are now, at 3am telling me kendall slept with a girl to hurt you and then came round to talk to you and you dont even want to hear what he has to say"

"i dont understand why you want me to" i whispered

"you both had a very... whats the word... intense relationship. you both fell for each other so quick and then the baby and the crash and kendall fucked it all up in vancouver. but what if he hadnt? surely there is a part of you in there that wants to know what he has to say?"

"your sounding like you wish kendall and i never split up" i said full of emotion

"no im not, im sounding like your boyfriend and kendalls friend"

"i dont want to talk to him about it." i declared

"it?" james enquired.

"yeah it!, us, what we had. it was the icing on the cake to a shit couple of years, and i had to drag myself out of despair yet again. i dont want to get sucked down again, i cant james..."  
i started crying.

"come here" james held me in his arms

"sheriden, you once loved him...a lot. now i dont really know what went on, but obviously kendall does and there is nothing i can talk to him about that is gonna help him"

"i cant help him either james"  
i paused before continuing with things i had not spoken for a long time  
"the baby would be 11 months old now you know?"

"yeah i know. not a day goes by i dont think about that crash and what may have been" james sighed out

"really?" i asked

"course, i think about it all the time, i go to bed thinking about it when im on my own" james rubbed his face again

"do you think if he was born we would still be together?" i whispered to james

me and you? i would like to think so. but maybe kendall would have put up more of a fight for you if thats how it was" james wiped my tears away with his hand and kissed me on the head.

"look get some sleep and we will sort it out in the morning okay. i love you sheriden, nothing will ever change that. i'm never ever going to hurt you. so what ever kendall may or may not say to you. it cant hurt us okay"

"thanks james. i love you so much"

i snuggled in his arms and stayed there till i fell in to a deep sleep.


	22. Chapter 22

PAISLEYS STORY

amberleigh seemed in high spirits she introduced me to logan in the club. i was still miffed that kendall had just upped and left without even so much as a goodbye

"paisley petrelli, this is logan henderson". amberleigh gushed

"hi" was all i could manage but logan bent in with a kiss on the cheek.

"hi paisley, ive heard a lot about you, amberleigh likes to ... chat " he laughed

i looked at amberleigh again and realised she was almost as drunk as kacey, but in good spirits.

"can i get you a drink" james asked, he had just come in from seeing kendall off home.

"um yeah just a soda thanks"

"so paisley where you from? logan asked while james left for the bar.

"reno"

"reno? bit of a drive down then?"

"well i was in detroit with kandy teaze, much to the moans of my boyfriend" i rolled my eyes at remembering ryan go on at me about it being a waste of time

"ah im sure he will enjoy having a famous girlfriend when it all kicks off?"

"yeh maybe. i think he just likes to be in control of me... sorry im going on a bit huh" i felt my face redden.

logan laughed

"no your fine. in LA everything is a drama"

i laughed this time

"your telling me" i replied

logan looked puzzled,

"you will get used to it" logan laughed.

amberleigh grabbed me, and dragged me away to dance.

"are you coming?" i shouted to logan still determined to make something of this shitty night.

logan smiled and followed amberleigh and i to the dance floor. it seemed that amberleigh had taken a shining to shawn. i had never seen him before but amberleigh told me he was in the big time rush band.  
he was very funny and had amberleigh cackling away with her awful laugh. it became a bit of a joke in the end. shawn would make her laugh and then the rest of us would be in hysterics just listening to her.

we went back over to james, he handed me my drink.

"sorry about tonight its a bit of a mess up" he confessed

"its fine" i lied. it couldnt of been more a mess if i tried. but none of it was to do with james.

my phone began to ring in my purse

"excuse me" i said to james as i pulled the phone out and walked out the club to answer it.

"hello?"

"paisley its kendall. i tried talking to her but she wont let me. im going out my mind. i didnt know what to do, so im calling you... im sorry!"

surprise and shock swam over me. i wasnt expecting he would call at all let alone this soon.

"hi... kendall. um... what did you wanna do? you wanna meet up for a coffee and chat? i meant what i said if you need someone to listen?"

"really? i just need to... well i dont even know what i need"

"kendall its fine! did you want me to meet you somewhere?"

"no i will pick you up in a minute. out side the club?"

"yeh sure but what about james?... i mean you just said your ill, what if he..."

"I dont care about james. i couldnt care less what he thinks any more"

" ok. take it easy okay. see you in a..."

the line went dead.

well who says chivalry is dead? bloody kendall, why do i always pick the demented guys?

i went to go inside to tell every one i was leaving, i passed james on my way back in. he was on the phone too. logan offered me a lift back to the hotel i just told him i was meeting a friend. then i went back to the entrance of the club, dreading bumping in to james and trying to explain things if he saw me get in to kendalls car but he had disapeard.

i waited out side for kendall to pull up, he only took a few minutes to arrive. he must of drove like lightening to get here so fast

i got in, and he drove off before i could even buckle my belt, we didnt talk inside the car, he drove to some modern looking town house, i presumed it was his. he got out the car and i followed him.  
Kendall opened the door to his home and I followed him in. From the lights on in his house I could see he had been crying.

He slumped down on to one of his sofas. He beckoned an arm out for me to take a seat. I perched on the edge of one next to him.

After a few moments of silence, I decided I would speak.  
He didn't look like he was going to do anything. He just sat there slouched in his seat.

"Kendall honey, what's going through your head?" I reached a hand out to offer as kindness but he moved his away from me.

He didn't say anything.

"Kendall, are you okay?" I hardly knew the guy but I'm pretty sure he wasn't normally like this.

In the restaurant he seemed bubbly and bright and he made me feel special.

Still he didn't say anything.

"kendall if you want me to leave?"  
Still no response, not even a blink. He just sat there.

I got up and went in to the kitchen, I filled a glass that I found on the drainer up with water then walked it back out to kendall and put it on the glass coffee table that was in front of him.

I walked to the front door.

"Please... don't go" kendall finally said.

I sat back down on the edge of the sofa.

"Kendall what's happened tonight?"

"I tried to talk to her. Just to explain the things in my head... but all she cares about is him" he took a sip from the water.

"Well why don't you try explaining things to me?" I asked.  
"Kendall are you still in love with sheriden?" He seemed so Hung up on her.

"No... I hate her. I want to make her life a misery for making mine one" he started crying.

"Kendall its good to get it all out. Why do you hate her. I don't really know what went on. I only know what was in the papers, that's all anyone knows" I tried his hand again. This time he let me squeeze it.

"What is it that you know? What do the public know?" He looked at me with his piercing green eyes that were now blood shot from crying.

"You and sheriden dated for a few weeks. You had a one night stand in Canada and she left you. Then she had the crash with James and the rest is history"

Kendall laughed bitterly.

"Paisley if I tell you something do you promise to not tell anyone!"

"Sure. you can trust me kendall... Promise me something though?"

"What's that?"

"You wont tell my boyfriend about us... you know. He is coming to visit me soon"

"I promise. It's a deal"

"So what is it that's on your mind?"

"I loved sheriden for months... you know before we got together. I was so happy when it happened. We were so full on. I loved it all."

"The start of a relationship is always amazing" I smiled at him.  
He continued.  
"James was always about you know. I got worried and started seeing things that she still swears to this day didn't happen. But i thought they were doing it, and I just snapped you know. I wanted to hurt her"

"Is that why you had that fling with the blonde in the paper?"

"I didn't mean to have sex. I just wanted her to see what it felt like to see me all over someone else, and say we just friends"

My mind flashed back to the nights events of kendall and I having sex and the look on his face as sheriden saw him.

"Kendall its okay. It was just a mistake in life. You will move on."

"It gets worse... But please keep your promise" I nodded that i would.

" when I got back from Canada she told me its over but she was having my baby"

Oh god. I didn't see this coming.

"Kendall if she got rid of it just despite you then..."  
He interrupted me.

" .. We kind of called it a truce but she went on this stupid break with James and when she got back i said I didn't want either of them. Her or the baby. I went home to Kansas then next thing I know, I see them getting cut out of a car on the news and she's lost the baby and i realise that I had lost her to James."

"Oh kendall. I'm so sorry, I had no idea"

"No one does apart from me, her, James and Carlos. But I can't talk to them. She is never away from James, and Carlos is all team sheriden"

"Kendall what your feeling is natural. It's just a coping mechanism in your head. You will get over this. I promise."

Kendall got up and pulled me to my feet. He held my hand and led me upstairs to his room.  
My mind boggled. Surely he knows I'm not doing this again.  
He opened the draw on his bedside cabinet and pulled out a picture.  
It was a baby from an ultra sound scan.

"He was a boy. Should be around 11 months now." he handed me the picture

I sat on the bed and looked at the little baby that lay in my hands.

"Kendall can I tell you a secret?" i stared at the picture as i spoke.

"Sure"

"When I was 15 I got pregnant. I wanted to keep it but my mother talked me in to having an abortion. Its my biggest regret. I would of made a great mom"

Kendall sat on the bed next to me. We sat in silence til I took it upon my self to put the picture safely back away.

"Paisley how did you cope?"

"I didn't... i went off track you know. I met Ryan a year later and moved in with him. I put my mind on singing and making it big to make myself forget."

"So im gonna feel what I feel forever? kendall looked at the floor as he spoke

"Kendall what do you feel?"

"Guilt" he replied

"Kendall I believe everything happens for a reason, and its that reason that makes us better people. It might take a while to feel that way but it will come... it came for sheriden."

"What do you mean?" his face looked annoyed that i had made sheriden out to be a good guy.

"Well she breaks her back, had a boyfriend die, lost you, lost a baby but she came out the other end fighting and has found true love." i paused to look at him and gave his hand another light squeeze.  
"Kendall you have an entire life ahead of you. It doesn't end at Sheriden Lloyd"

Kendall smiled.  
"how do you know so much about her?" kendall asked

"kacey... and google" i laughed.

he nodded in response.

"Your right. It's just hard to think everything will be okay when I feel this shit inside, you know." kendall put his head in his hands as he spoke.

"I do know. Yeah, but it will be. You just need to move on"

I rubbed my eyes. It had been a long day.

"Cmon il take you back to the hotel" kendall stood up. and ushered me out of his room.

The drive back was silent again. I think we both had a lot to think about.

Kendall walked me back up to the 5th floor. I think he realised that i too now wanted to make some pain go away.

I opened my room door up.  
Kacey was zonked out where I left her. Fully clothed on her bed.

"Thanks for walking me up" I said.

" thanks for being a good listener... and talker" he replied

I gave him a hug. eyed kacey up to make sure she was fully unconcious.

"... Kendall have you ever thought that sheriden is hurting just as bad as you about your baby?"

"I used to. But now i just think she is glad so she could end up with amazing James. Sometimes I even wonder if James planned it all so he could make sure he ended up with her"

i shook my head to disagree.  
"Maybe you should arrange a couple of counselling sessions. Thinking like that is not great is it?"

"yeah I know its not true but..."

Kacey moved around on her bed cutting our conversation short.

"Look I best get going. Thanks for this evening and I'm sorry about earlier" kendall gave me an embarrassed look at the thought of our steamy sex session.

"It's cool"

I gave kendall another hug and he left.

I was so tired. I just did a kacey and crawled in to bed still dressed.


	23. Chapter 23

**Sheridens story.**

I woke up fairly early the next morning. I let the dogs out in to the garden. Showered, dressed and even popped in to the model management office to pick up some paper work.

It was meant to be my day off. But I knew I wouldn't relax until everything was in its right place. I arrived home just before 11am. James was still in bed.  
I stared at him for a while, even now after being with him well over a year his beauty still astounded me. I was so lucky to have him.  
I went in to my home office and started working through all the papers I had collected.

After half hour or so I was graced by the presence of my adonis Greek god.  
He had only a pair of grey sweat pants on. His hair was wild and his voice was unbroken from his nights sleep.

He is so handsome. My heart ached.

"Good morning" he chirped

"Good morning lazy bones. up in time for lunch then?" I smiled.

"Your bed holds magical powers over me" he laughed.

"Really? Just my bed" I gave him my sexy look.

He came and perched his beautiful body on the side of my desk.

" so...I been thinking about this kendall thing And decided that I'm gonna cook everyone dinner tonight."

"No, James I'm not having dinner with him" I protested.

"It will clear the air. We just need to hang out together and have a good time sheriden" he reasoned with a sympathetic tone to his voice.

"James. i dont want to..."

"Sheri, listen a minute...if kendall has issues over stuff then its not just going to be kandy teaze that won't make it".

"You honestly think kendall will quit big time rush?"

"I don't know but I do know that most of this is my fault, and I know that big time rush isnt ready to end yet. I'm not ready to end it yet sheriden" his voice was low.

"None of it is your fault. Never think like that. We would of ended up together regardless of everything" my own voice sounded snappy.

"I just feel I need to do this sheriden. We don't have to talk about the past. I know it kills you inside. But when was the last time we actually all Hung out for fun?"

"Kendalls 21st" I replied.

Kendalls 21st was the beginning of everything. James broke up with kacey and I got together with kendall.

I was so happy back then.

"Okay... okay you win" i raised my hands in the air to call it a truce.

"I love you sheriden. I'm never going to be with out you"

He kissed my head before announcing he was off for a shower.

James was in between a rock and a hard place. Kendall was his band mate, a brother, a best friend. And I was his girlfriend who he loved deeply. It must be hard to try and find a balance between kendall and I. so this was it.

Apparently kendall was more than willing to come round.  
I would have been nervous but least James knew everything now.  
I wondered if kendall knew i would tell James. Or if the whole wanting to come round was a cover up to pretend everything is ok.

James and I spent the day together in my garden. I loved days like this. Being normal. He made me laugh so much.

I loved to be with him. Even though I was 8 years older than him. He taught me so much from life.

I could never bring myself to even think about what would become of me if James ever fell out of love with me. It didn't bare thinking about .

Soon enough James became busy in the kitchen. Preparing some pasta dish. He was a good cook. James was one of those people that was good at pretty much anything he put his mind to. His intelligence always amazed me.

The door chime rang just before 7. James let kendall in. I stayed in the garden on my own for several minutes before kendall walked out and sat next to me.

I was conciouse that James could See us through the kitchen window.

"Hey" he said as he sat down.

" hi" I smiled.

"About last night..." kendall began

"Kendall please not now"

"I do need to talk to you about him"

"I can't talk about it kendall. I've shed my tears and want to forget it"

"Why do you want to forget it?"

"The pain... I can't take the pain"

Kendall put his arm round my shoulders.

"I'm sorry kendall. Its just the way I cope with it all."

"Sheriden. I'm not coping. I don't know how to cope."  
I shrugged off his arm.

"I'm on the edge sheriden" as. kendall said it he pulled out a small packet from his pocket.

"What the fuck is that?" I said knowing full well what it was.

Kendall had produced some drugs.

"It's me... coping" he replied dryly.

" you haven't done that before. Where did you get that shit from?" I mocked him. Looking at the heroin he held in his hand.

"No not yet but if I have no one to talk to about our son..."

"that's why you wanted to come round? To force me to talk to you? To threaten me with doing something stupid like that"

"I'm honestly on the brink. I can't hang on any longer. I've got no one sheriden"

"hand that shit over and I will talk all you want. Just promise me you won't get anymore. It's not the road for you kendall" I couldn't risk kendall getting in to that lifestyle.

"You survived it" he protested

"The only reason I survived is because of Carlos' family. You know that."

Kendall handed me the packet. I put it in my jeans pocket.

"Promise me kendall"

"I promise"  
I put my arm around him this time. even though i felt he was never going to take the drugs. he must be at his last straw if he feels the need to wave them at me, knowing the problems ive had in the past.

i had a cocaine habit for 3 years. most the time i took it to block out the terrible childhood i had. but eventually i took it to forget the mess my life had become. i couldnt let kendall feel that low. even if it meant i had to go to the deepest depths of my own despair to talk about our baby.

First chance I would get that shit in my pocket was going down the drain.

James came out. He looked happy that his plan of dinner looked as if it was working.

the meal went well. James came up top trumps with a delicious meal. the three of us mostly talked about the big time rush tour they had just finished. that was a safe conversation.  
it was difficult to talk about the good old days with out stumbling across mine and kendalls breif relationship, me and james getting it together or the baby.

james cleared the table and kendall used the bathroom.

"im going to talk to him. he is in a bad way james. i had no idea just how bad."

"really? he seems fine right now though huh" james took me in his arms

"yeah. im just worried he is going to do something stupid, so its worth me going through the pain if it means he avoids some serious problems."

"what do you mean serious problems? whats he done now?"

i could feel the heroin in my pocket like it was made from stone. i couldnt tell james about that.

"he hasnt done anything. im just worried he might. did you want in on this chat or...?" giving james the option of staying was important. i knew he wouldnt but he had been through the entire situation from start to finish. so he was involved even if kendall didnt like it.

"no, i'll take the dogs out" he kissed me on my fore head, just as kendall walked back in the kitchen.

"coffee?" i asked kendall

"sure" he nodded. knowing the time he had been waiting for for so long was almost here.

james said his excuses and left my home with his 2 dogs.

i sat down opposite kendall at my dark wood table and passed him his coffee.

"so lets get this over with" my words sighed out of me. dreading the pain that was about to be released in to the open.

"why cant you talk about it sheriden?" he started off with.

"um... im not sure. i guess i just like to put problems away in a little box and try to forget them. its not just the loss of the... baby... that kills me. when i think back to that time. its the pain of you, and us, and the nightmares of that crash. its everything... i was in pieces"

"do you talk about the baby with james?" he looked down at the coffee mug in his hands.

"no. he used to try but... i wasnt very forthcoming with my emotions. last night was the first time we had spoken about it in so long"

"you told him i came round?" he looked surprised.

"yes. i had to... james is worried about you too you know its hard for him to be stuck in the middle"

"its harder for me to be stuck on the outside sheriden" he paused to take a breath "i've got no one to talk to about it. no one knows he even existed"

"carlos does"

"yeah but carlos is yours again, james is yours. i have no one apart from you and you shut me out the minute you and james got together"

"i didnt shut you out kendall. i kept my distance. i didnt want to rub your nose in it. i knew you still loved me."

kendall took another deep breath

"look lets not start going on about james again okay... i want to talk about our baby. i feel so guilty. i have so many what ifs going on in my head i cant breathe properly. its my waking thought near on all the time"

"kendall i said this to you before. you cant change what happened. you just have to learn to deal with the reality"

"but i cant deal with it. if i had just of taken you to that clinic then the crash would never of happened and our son would be here now"

my heart swelled with fear as the memories came flooding back to me. the tears began rolling down my face.

"sheriden. i dont know how to move on"

"it wasnt you fault kendall. its just life. it happened" my sobs became louder.

"you must of thought the same thing though. if i drove it would all be different" kendalls eyes welled.

"of course i have. i wasted hours dreaming away with scenarios of us having a baby. but he's gone kendall. its all gone. i was so happy up untill that bloody canada trip. i loved you so much..."

here it came. the one thing i didnt want to happen. i was losing control of the feelings ive tried so hard to bury and forget. my voice came out high, and broken with cries in between  
i carried on.

"you fucked it all up. you fucked that slut and my heart died. the pain i felt..." i crossed my arms over my chest. the pain was still very much real.

"im sorry im so sorry. everything i said and did i didnt mean sheriden. i loved you, i loved our baby. everything happened so fast for us. i didnt know how to control any of it" tears escaped from kendalls eyes as he spoke.

"do you blame me... for the baby? i need to know sheriden" he reached his hands over the table and they met with mine.

i looked up in to the eyes of the man that i had once so deeply loved. did i blame him?

"no... i dont blame you... not for the baby" i wiped my face. my throat felt thick with emotion trying to hold the crying in

"really?" he asked

"honestly. its crosses my mind what would of been if we hadn't of lost him all the time, but ive never felt blame towards you" i looked kendall straight in the eye. i meant what i said.

"you would of been an amazing mom sheriden" kendalls own fantasy visions of us being parents glinted in his eyes as he spoke.

"would of had to of been... to try and tame his hair if he took after you" i cried out a small laugh.

kendall smiled and ruffled his own hair that always looked a mess but at the same time looked amazing.

"im sorry about everything kendall. the whole james thing"

"paisley said to me last night that everything happens for a reason, and james is your reason that balances out all the bad things that have happened to you"

"you told paisley? i thought we agreed to not tell anyone?" i looked at kendall through my red puffy eyes

"i know. and im sorry. she wont say anything. i just needed someone to listen, and she offered."

"are you two a thing now?"

kendall smiled  
"no. that was a mistake, and its all been sorted out. just friends. and besides she has a boyfriend"

"paisley is very pretty kendall. you havent dated anyone for... well since me"

silence fell on us.

"im just not ready to let that go yet" he confessed.  
kendall got up from his seat and came and sat next to me. he wrapped his arms around me. as i sat with my head on his shoulder, breathing in his scent that had once smelt like home. the pain in my chest got worse. tonights chat had opened up so many things i didnt want to think about, and now having kendall hold me in his arms, i couldnt contain it any longer. sobs ached out of me for the loss of so many things. kendall and the baby and jay were the ones that hurt the most.  
i felt for sure my heart would break. but the pain just kept coming along with the crying.

"sheriden come on its going to be okay" kendall held me tighter, and probably realised then why i avoided talking about it for so long.

i was a mess now, i was shaking and the tears were uncontrollable. it was almost a howl that was coming out of my mouth.

"sheriden im so sorry" was all i could hear kendall saying.

"sheriden?" james had returned.  
kendall let go of me as james came and took his place.

"what did you do?" james hissed at kendall.

"we talked, thats all. she's having some kind of break down" kendall walked over to the sink, his voice sounded scared.

"sheri come on baby calm down" james pleaded with me. his face looked scared too.

"sheriden drink this" came kendalls voice. he had carefully placed a glass of water in my hand but it slipped out and smashed on the floor.

james left my side to clear the glass away and kendall picked me up from my seat and carried me in to my living room. he sat me down on the sofa and just held me.  
james came in and sat on the other side of me. he took my hand as i sat there in kendalls arms.  
i felt the crying would never cease but eventually came the time that nothing more could come out. i felt exhausted.

"sheri baby?"

my head pounded from the tears, my chest still ached away.

"whats wrong with me?" i asked

"nothings wrong with you sheriden. you needed to get that out. tomorrow it will all seem better i promise" james' voice was calm and reasurring. i wished it to be true.

i looked at kendall

"im so sorry" i said to him.

"sheriden dont say sorry. youve got nothing to be sorry for" came his reply and he kissed me on my forehead.

"i should get going" kendall announced.

"sure" said james' reply. i just sat in silence. i pulled me knees up to my chest trying to make the ache go away.

"sheriden im sorry, so sorry for this" kendall stroked my hair back from my face as he stood up.

i looked up at him  
"its not your fault, just you being here, and talking and..."  
i started crying again.  
"im sorry" i wept

kendall kissed me on the head and james walked him out to the door. i could hear them talking, but none of it sank in. i was too busy trying to make the pain go away inside my chest.

james walked back in, sat down and pulled me in to his arms.

"cmon, lets get you to bed" he said as he pulled me over to him and lifted me on to his lap.

james carried me up and laid me on my bed, i didnt move, didnt get undressed just lay on the covers.  
we didnt talk. he just laid next to me and stroked my face. looking in to james eyes was the last thing i remember. my exhausted body fell to sleep.

i woke up early again the next day, i ran myself a bath in the ensuite, chucked yesterdays clothes on the bed and got in.

my body ached from all the crying i had done, and my back hurt too.

james woke up and came in to check on me, he pulled the lid down on the toilet and sat down.

"how are you feeling today" he asked

"numb at the moment, but i feel like crap. im so sorry for yesterday. i dont know what happened to me"

"dont apologise sheriden. you find it difficult to deal with. look at your life. its not exactly been plain sailing has it. you'll be fine. dont worry"

the home phone rang. who could that be this early, it had only just gone 5am. james walked in to the bedroom to answer it.

i listened in to the one way converstation .

"hey carlos. hows florida?"

"no why?"

"what?"

"how did they find out?"

"really?"

"fuck sake! no i will take a look."

"no not yet. its really bad timing los'"

"kendall? no, i can do though... shit what a mess"

"ya thanks buddy. okay bye"

james hung up the phone and walked back in to the bathroom and sat back on the closed lid toilet.

"sherri. listen to me okay. dont freak out on me. nothing is gonna happen okay, i wont let it"

i looked up at james, my eyes wide. what had happened? his voice on the phone sounded like some one had died.

"is kendall okay?" was my first question, last thing i needed was him trying to top himself.

"kendalls fine baby... its kacey" i looked at james puzzled, whats kacey got to do with anything?  
james continued.

"kacey has sold a story on us sherri"

what could kacey possibly know that she would get given money to tell her story?

"kacey doesnt know anything about us?" i argued

"she does, i dont know how but she knows about the baby and... now everyone knows about the baby. its on the news sherri"

i just looked at james. what was he trying to tell me? what would kacey know about my baby?

i got out the bath and wrapped myself in a towel, i went in to the bedroom and got my phone to look on the internet.

headlines: sheriden lloyd aborts schmidt baby for life with maslow

new reports have come in that ex runway model sheriden lloyd had her baby aborted amid rumours that she wanted to leave then boyfriend kendall schmidt of big time rush, to start a new relationship with his fellow band mate james maslow.

i couldnt read any more  
James took the phone from my hand. He read the article.

"Sheriden, I swear I didn't tell her a thing. I haven't spoken to her at all since we split up"

"It was paisley... kendall told paisley" my voice sounded strange. Robotic almost.

"What? Why would he tell her that."

"I don't know. Paisley must of told kacey" I stared in to space. I was in shock

"Sheriden. I'm going to sort all this out baby. Will you be okay for an hour"

"Sure" I lied.

James quickly got dressed and left my house.

I felt sick. My body had no emotion left to pour out. The pain in my chest felt so severe. How was I going to survive a media circus.  
I couldn't even handle talking to the father of my baby.  
What could I do. Where could I run?

As I stared in to space I realised the answer to all my problems sat in my jeans pocket.  
I looked at them for a long while before taking out the small clingfilmed package.

I casually walked down stairs with it and rummaged through my kitchen cupboards untill I found what I was looking for... a syringe. It was meant for my cortisone injections after I broke my foot in the car crash. But I had hardly used the stash i had been given. I grabbed a spoon from the drawer and a lighter. Then went up stairs to the bathroom. I got some cotton wool and started to cook up kendalls heroin.

sat on the bathroom floor i realised something  
kendall was wrong. Everything that had happened in my life hadn't lead me to James. It lead me to this.

As I injected the heroin in to my arm I left the pain behind.


	24. Chapter 24

**Paisleys story.**

Eurgh. Who was that? The phone rang in the hotel room.

Amberleigh answered it. We were both Hung over from our day off together yesterday.  
We had spent the day shopping and sightseeing and the evening getting seriously merry in our room.  
Kacey hadn't joined in though. She went out yesterday morning. And we hadn't seen her since. Her bed was still empty now as I glanced over to it with my weary eyes.

"That was maslow" Amberleigh said as she got off the phone.

"He is down stairs he wants to see you" she added.

"What? Why does he want to see me?" I asked her

"I don't know. He wanted kacey first but I said she hasn't been back. Then he asked for you." Amberleigh crawled back in to bed.

"God sake. Why didn't he just come up here?" I got out of bed and tied my hair up then dragged some jeans and a top on me.

I left the room and went down to the reception. I noticed the time on the oversized clock before I saw James.  
Jesus it wasn't even 6 yet.

I walked over to James. He looked rough... well as rough as gorgeous James maslow could look. He had a baseball cap and sunshades on.

"Hi whassup" I greeted him cheerily.

"Come with me" he said, and he led me by the elbow out of the hotel and in to this amazing sports car.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

He ignored me. Jesus what was up the arses of all these big time rush boys. What did sheriden do to them all to make them so miserable.

He pulled up to the familiar looking town house That belonged to kendall But it was chaos here. There was photographers all over the place. They swooped in on the car pressing cameras up against the glass.  
James stopped the car and pulled his phone out.

He dialled a number then spoke.

"Get in the car. I'm out side"

Then he Hung up.  
What was going on.

"James what's happening?"

James turned and looked at me, I stared back at myself in the reflection of his sun glasses.

"We are trying to sort out the mess you have created of our lives" he almost spat the words back at me.

"What?" As I spoke kendall emerged from his house.  
He also wore a hat and sun glasses. He pretty much ran up to the car, battled his way through the paparazzi and got in the back. James started to drive away slowly. Careful to not knock anyone over then he got pissed off and revved the engine and sounded the horn.

The sea of cameras finally made way for us to leave.

"What the fuck is going on?" I finally said

"You promised me pais'" kendall eventually spoke

"Promised what?" I snapped back.

"To not say anything about mine and sheridens baby" he hissed.

"What? I haven't said anything to anyone!" I bit back.

"Then how has kacey delta found out and told the papers a load of bull shit about it" James' voice sounded full of hate towards me.

"I swear. It wasn't me. Kendall please, I told you about my own baby. I would never..." my mind went in to over drive. I was ticking away.

"kacey was in bed the night you took me back to my room. She must have overheard us?" I looked over my shoulder to look at kendall.

"What the fuck are you two doing talking about it in front of kacey?" James added.

"I thought she was asleep" kendall said.

The rest of the short drive was a silent one.

"Fuck sake!" James said, As We pulled in to a large gated property.

I saw what James had cursed about.  
Cameras were again all over the place.

"Why didn't you shut the gates" kendall asked James.

"She never shuts them. Ever. I didn't think to" came his reply"

The car drove up to as near the front door as possible.

" I can't do it. I can't get out there with all of them" I said looking at the vultures outside the car brandishing huge cameras.

"It's fine cmon" kendall said as he opened his door and got Mobbed by vultures. My own door opened up and kendalls hand reached in and pulled me out.  
He held on tight as we made our way to the front door of the house.

I don't know how but we all made it inside. James locked the door behind him.

This house was beautiful. The large entrance I stood in had a huge white winding stair case. The floors were wooden and very shiny. The furniture in the entrance hall was so elegent and well placed.

We walked in to the kitchen. Again this was huge and had a large dark wood table in the centre.

I sat down but James and kendall remained standing.

"What are we going to do?" James asked kendall. His hands on his head.

"Gonna have to talk to them eventually. Clear it all up. It will blow over" kendall assured him.

"Where is sheriden?" He added.

"She is here. Don't worry" James concluded.

"Well I will phone Scott and see what he says" James said.

"Who is Scott?" I asked.

James ignored me and turned his back to me dialling on his phone

"He is our publicist. He tells us how to handle shit like this" kendall filled me in.

"You believe me that I didn't tell kacey don't you?" I asked kendall.

"Yeah I do" kendall gave me a reassuring smile.

James got off his phone and slid it back in his pocket.  
"Scotts going to organise a proper press conference for us. He said don't say anything to the paps outside" he seemed calmer.

"James has someone been in here?" Kendall asked as he looked at a mess spilt out on the floor from an open cupboard in the far end of the kitchen.

James walked over to the mess and picked up the contents of what looked like a first aid box. He picked up a small sealed packet with a puzzled look on his face.

Kendall froze with fear for a second. It was a load of medical packet syringes.

"Shit" he said then ran out to the door in the next room.

"Sheriden?" "Sheriden!?" Kendall kept shouting.

"Where is she" kendall screamed at James.

James couldn't understand why kendall was so stressed out. Nor could I.

"she was upstairs" james said

kendall was out the kitchen and up the stairs. James and I followed.

"Sheriden?" Kendall kept calling.

"Maybe she went out?" I offered.

We were in sheriden lloyds bedroom. It was again beautiful with a huge picture of her on the wall.

Kendall opened a door in the bedroom.  
"Fuck... Sheriden... No" came the shocked words from him.  
As I moved to look in and see what kendall had seen I felt ill.

Sheriden lay motionless on the floor of the bathroom. The towel she once had wrapped around her lay scattered at the side. She lay on her front. I could see her very famous scar on her spine. I could also see she had vomit in her hair that was stuck to her face.  
Then I saw the needle next to her.  
It was James' screams that unfroze me from my shock. He was beside himself. He fell to his knees.

Kendall had turned sheriden and checked her breathing. She wasn't. Her lips were blue.

"Phone a fucking ambulance"  
Kendall screamed at me.

I looked at James. Then grabbed his phone from his pocket and dialled 911.

"Cmon sheriden" kendall said as he gave her mouth to mouth.

James couldn't move. He just stared as kendall tried to revive his girlfriend.

"Kendall where am I. Address?" i asked in a panic  
Kendall shouted the address to me, and I was told an ambulance would be here shortly.

It didn't look like sheriden was alive.  
I ran down stairs and unlocked the door waiting for the ambulance.  
They arrived after just a few minutes and I lead them upstairs to Sheridens bathroom.

James still sat on his knees in the door way. Kendall was pumping on sheridens heart.

"James cmon" I lead James back in to the bedroom.

"She is going to be fine" I told him. I went back to the bathroom door.

"Hello sheriden. Can you hear me?" the paramedic talked loudly at sheriden.

Kendall stood up as they took over looking after sheriden Lloyd.

He started crying.

"Do you know what she's taken?" The paramedic asked kendall.

"Heroin" he replied.

The paramedic rammed another syringe in to sheridens chest.  
A gasp of air sucked in to her mouth.

Kendall slumped to his feet. His crying was uncontrollable.  
But sheriden was now breathing but not conciouse.

They prepped her and lead her outside to an ambulance on a stretcher. James went with them leaving kendall and I in sheridens home.

We both sat at the big table in the kitchen.

"Kendall. She will be fine" I promised him.

"It's all my fault" he whispered.

"No... no its not. You did great. You saved her life kendall" I gave kendall a hug.

"I need to phone Carlos" he whispered at me.

"I think maybe that can wait?" I protested.  
"Your not in a fit state to talk to anyone" I added.

"I have to. He is her family... oh sheriden. What were you thinking?" Kendall fell to pieces in front of me.

There was nothing I could say to help kendall. No words would soothe him for what he had just seen and done.

"Kendall when your ready we will phone Carlos then go to the hospital okay".

Kendall nodded. I made him a coffee and his anxiety slowly started to calm down.

He pulled his phone out and pressed a button.

"Carlos?..."  
"yeah im...not so good."  
"Carlos... sheriden overdosed and she is in the hospital. I think you should come back to L.A."

I stepped outside the room. I heard kendall break down in tears again.  
I went up stairs to the bathroom where sheriden lay just moments ago. I stared for several minutes taking in everything that I had just seen.

I then took it apon myself to clean the bathroom up. The needle had gone. The paramedics must of taken it in a sharps box.  
I cleaned the sick up from the floor. And picked up the fluffy white towel and placed it in the wash basket. The lighter and spoon I took downstairs and put them in the bin.  
If James came back here at least he wouldn't have to see all that again.  
I Tidied the mess up from the first aid cupboard and closed the door.  
Then searched the kitchen for dog food.  
I couldn't find any.

"What are you doing" kendall asked me.

"Was going to feed James' dogs. I cant see any food"

"It's probably in there." Kendall looked toward a door just next to the kitchen.  
It was a utility room. Just as kendall had predicted. The dog food was on a shelf.

After feeding them I sat back down with kendall at the table.

"How come you knew where it was?"I asked him.

"It's where I had to put my dogs food when I was with her... sheridens not much of a dog person". He smiled at his own memories.

"Is Carlos coming?" I changed the subject.

"Yeah he will be getting on a flight later today. He is in Florida" kendall mused.

"Did you want to go to the hospital?" I asked kendall.

"Can't we are stuck here. I don't have my car. And that lot will mob us out side. Il phone for a cab".

"I wonder what the press have said that happened to sheriden?" I wondered out loud.

"The tv is through there" kendall said.

I walked in to sheridens lounge. It was beautiful but far too posh to properly relax in.  
With large vases filled with fresh flowers and dark wooden ornate furniture.  
There was another huge picture hung on the wall. Black and white, just like the one in her room but this one was of her and James.  
Sheriden had her bare back to the camera with James arms carefully around her waist.  
Her head was turned so you could see a side profile of her face. She looked in to James' eyes.  
James was bare chested with black jeans on. Sheriden had one hand on his shoulder and the other rested on the belt buckle of his jeans.  
Looking at James looking in to sheridens eyes made my heart thump.  
He loved her so much. I wondered what on earth he must be going through right now.

Kendall walked in the room and saw me staring up at the beautiful picture in front of me.

"They did it for charity" he said.  
He stood next to me and carried on.  
"It was auctioned off to raise money for her spinal charity. But James being James put in the winning bid of 250 grand".

I looked at kendall in astonishment.  
I could see why James would of bought the picture though, it was a very personal looking picture. I don't think it would of fitted in anywhere else in the world than sheriden lloyds house.

"There will be a car here in a minute. Did you want it to drop you off to the hotel?" Kendall asked matter of factly.

"Er... I would like to see how she is if you don't mind me coming with you?" My voice was low.

Kendall looked at me. I don't think he wanted to go alone to the hospital.  
"Sure" he replied.

He turned the tv on and sat down on the large cream leather sofa.

The news wasn't good. They had pictures and footage of sheriden being taken out in to the ambulance.  
They suspected over dose and ran a story on her previous drugged up life.  
My own picture also popped up. It looked like sheriden wasn't the only one kacey had told tales on.  
The tv was telling me i was in a relationship with kendall. They even had a picture of us from this morning holding hands getting away from James' car.

What was Ryan going to say when he saw this.  
My whole world seemed to collapse in seconds.  
Obviously kandy teaze was finished thanks to kacey. And now my boyfriend was going to find out I had slept with kendall Schmidt.

Kendall turned the tv off.

"I'm sorry" he said.

A tear left my face. This was not the time to do this. I can't break down now.

Kendall gave me a cuddle. It felt nice.  
"You okay pais'" he asked.

"Yeah... yeah. It will get sorted huh." I convinced myself.

"I will talk to your boyfriend if you want... you know clear the air. Explain what's actually happened".

"Sure okay" I mumbled. I gazed out the window for several minutes collecting my thoughts.  
A car horn beeped outside and kendall grabbed my hand again to help me escape the cameras.

"Don't talk okay" he said just before we left the house.

Kendall picked up some keys on the sideboard and locked sheridens house before climbing in to the back of a tinted window car with me.


	25. Chapter 25

**paisleys story**

We had arrived at the hospital and sat inside a small room. no one had told us anything about how sheriden was. i prayed to god that she was still alive.

half an hour or more must of passed before the door opened and james walked in. his face pale and eyes red.

"whats happening" kendall asked him before james had even shut the door.

james took a seat before saying a word.

"james is she okay?" kendall tried again, but this time his voice almost gave out.

"she... is er..." james couldnt get the words out, i sat next to him and held his hand.

"take a deep breath" i said to james.

he did.  
"she is in a coma" he looked at kendall with tears rolling down his face

kendall just stared at him. i think he was parylzed from shock.

"they wont know if there is any permanant damage to her brain untill... if she wakes up" james voice sounded eerily calm.

i rubbed james' hand to comfort him.

"kendall can i ask you something thats been bothering me" james stood up and let my hand fall down to my side.

kendall just looked at him.

"how did you know exactly what it what it was that sheriden had had taken?"

kendall looked at james as james walked closer toward him.  
there was a long silence from kendal before he spoke

"i gave it to her" came kendalls whispered responsed.

"what?" i added

kendall got flustered.  
"it wasnt like that, i didnt give it to her... she took it off of me"

"so she was using again and you knew and didnt tell me?" james sounded scary, ive never heard his voice like this before.

"no she wasnt using. i was going to. it was mine, and she found out and she took it off me, she was gonna chuck it. but i guess things got too much for her today"

"if she dies thats two lives you will have on your concience" james spat at him.

"james dont. its not his fault"

"no fuck it. why are you here any way?" james looked at me "your just another of his sluts that he gets to send sheriden over the edge. she told me all about it. you just cant help but try and fuck her over can you kendall. first vancouver, then the baby and now your handing out smack to her"

a nurse came in to see what all the noise was about.

"i think its best you leave" she said to kendall.

"i want to see her" kendall protested

james laughed.  
"your not seeing her. i dont even want to see you. im done with you kendall. its all fucked. get out"

i stood up and took kendall by the hand and lead him out side.

we got in a cab that was parked up and headed back to kendalls home.

sitting in kendalls home was more relaxing than sheridens. it was slightly unkept, and not everything was put in its desired location.

we sat for a long while not saying anything.

"kendall sheriden is going to be fine. she is a strong woman. you can fix this" i rubbed his arm.

"fix it? how exactly can this be fixed? he mumbled at me.

"talk, say your side of events, at least then when sheriden does wake up she wont have to worry about people saying she aborted your baby"

"i cant. i wouldnt know where to begin right now" he said

"start from the beginning. write it down if you need to then we can stop the lies that kacey started" i spurred him on, he couldnt just sit here and wallow.

"why dont you hate me paisley? ive pretty much ruined your life too" kendall looked at the floor as he spoke to me.

"everything happens for a reason. remember?" kendall looked me in the eye as he listened to my words of wisdom.  
i think he clung on to every word i said.

"cmon talk to that scott guy and we can help sort most of this mess out. least we would be doing something" i smiled at him.

so it began. i helped kendall work through the entire story of everything that happened to him and sheriden. we wrote it down and re worded it over and over again in the hope that no blame could be placed on either of them.

scott the publicist had arranged a breakfast tv show in which kendall would be appearing the following morning to be interviewed to get the real story across.

we trailed through the internet finding pictures to back him up.

"kendall ive just had an idea." i spoke as i looked at a picture of sheriden and james in las vegas, she was on crutches. but they both had smiles on there faces.

"whats that?" he asked with sceptisism in his voice. i think he found it hard to believe james and sheriden never did hook up before she had finished it with kendall. kendall looked at the screen on the lap top. his eyebrows knitted together.

"your picture you have of your baby. it has the date of the scan on the top of it. its the same date as the crash isnt it?"

kendall looked at me then went up stairs to get the picture. he returned with it in his hand.

"kendall with that picture you can do a lot of good"

kendall looked at the picture.  
"none of this will make sheriden better though will it?" he asked

"no... no it wont, but it will help james and you, and when sheriden wakes up she will see how hard you have worked to try and help her. abortion isnt the best thing to get labelled in, especially when its been put in the sense that kacey had worded it in."

"okay" was his only response.

i folded the lap top up, having sheriden and james grinning away at us wasnt helping anything.  
"cmon, i will make us something to eat. you need to help me find everything"

i pulled kendall to his feet and in to the kitchen.

"dont you want to phone your boyfriend?" kendall asked

"kendall" i said softly "i think your more in need of my help today than ryan is" i gave him a weak smile and walked over to the fridge.

there wasnt much inside it

"omelettes it is then?" i said as i shook my head.

we talked about sheriden as i prepared our food.

"you do still love her dont you?" i asked kendall

"i guess i do yeah" he answered honestly.

"what is it about her?" i questioned him.

"im not sure. the first day i met her she blew me away, when we got together it was all so quick with everything. i fell so hard for her. she just has this spell over me, ya know?"

i thought to ryan. i doubted he would ever say such words about me. he would most proabably just say im a bit of alrite. best he could get at the time.

"im not sure i do know what that feels like" i confessed.

"you know when theres nothing you can do. you just get... i dont know, caught in the moment" he added.

my memory gave me a brief flash back to a few nights ago when kendall seduced me in my hotel room. he had a power over me then. he had a spell on me.  
my face reddoned, kendall saw me and must of thought the same thing as i just had. he made an excuse to go to the bathroom.

we ate in the living room, with our plates on our laps. i wondered to myself how sheriden ever did get it together with kendall. they were nothing alike. i definatly could not see sheriden sitting in here with a plate of food on her lap. she was too prim. she had lived the celebrity lifestyle for too long. but james fitted in perfectly with her.

the door knocked. it was late now, i hoped it wasnt more camera people. i thought we had seen the last of them a few hours ago.

kendall must of recognised the shadow as he opened the door right up.  
it was carlos pena.  
i hadnt met carlos before. he always struck me as the jolly one out of the 4 big time rush guys though.

kendall shut his door.

"i should rip your fucking head off your neck. you fucking idiot" came carlos' greeting to kendall. obviously i was wrong in my always jolly assumption.

"she took it from me, i didnt give it to her" kendall protested "have you been to see her?"

carlos sat down next to me, he didnt even acknowledge my existance.

"yeah ive just come from there. its no change. james is a complete mess, his mum is there with him now. but he wont leave her bedside. sheriden looked so... small".

i thought back to seeing sheridens naked body on the floor of her bathroom. there really wasnt much to her, a size 0 i expected. but she was small and frail looking. i could see carlos' fear in his face thinking the worst is yet to come.

"im doing an interview in the morning. did you want to come with me?" kendall asked

"interview? what for?" carlos questioned

"to sort all this abortion shit out once and for all. least sheriden wont have to worry when she wakes up" my own words came out of kendalls mouth. he believed me when i said all that to him. i prayed it would work out for him.

"i cant. ive come round for the keys actually to her house... do you have them?"

kendall pulled the maserrati car keys that james had left in the entrance hall. it had james key to sheridens house dangling on it.  
kendall handed the keys to carlos.

"he asked me to get the dogs and take them to mine" carlos must of felt bad to have to explain his actions to kendall in taking the only peice of sheridens life he had left, away from him.  
"good luck tomorrow" carlos said before seeing himself out the door.

i stood up. kendall looked totally lost. he must feel that everyone had abandoned him from one mistake. he didnt know all this was going to send sheriden over the edge and OD on drugs. he was just on a journey to try and help his own grief out.

i wrapped my arms around him. he gladly wrapped his round me.

somehow after a day of having my own hopes and dreams dashed and the possibilty my boyfriend of 3 years is never likely to talk to me again. all i felt i could do was console kendall.  
he needed me so much. i didnt have time to even start on my own problems. besides they all seemed ridiculous compared to the events that i had seen today.

kendall and i sat down on the sofa again. i figured i wasnt going back to the hotel and made myself as comfy as i could to try get some sleep.

"you can have my bed if you want? i will stay down here" kendall offered.

"no your fine. i dont really feel i want to be on my own" i smiled at him.

"me neither" he replied.

he lay his head on my knees that were curled up on the seat.

i stroked his hair back to help to relax him. what a day this guy had had. i hoped that james would apologise to him someday. if it wasnt for kendall, sheriden lloyd would of died on that bathroom floor.  
i watched kendalls eyes move around the room, he was thinking away to himself.

my eyes became heavy and i eventually fell in to a light sleep. i woke up few times in the night. my legs felt dead from the weight of kendall leaning on them, but he had finally fallen to sleep, i didnt want to disturb him. he needed rest.

he looked so at peace. i wished the hours would go slow for him in the night so the reality of what had happened could be delayed from him for just a little longer.

kendalls movement in the morning woke me up. it was early.

"morning" i said to him.  
he looked nervous.

"morning" he replied  
kendall was buzzing around getting things sorted, he was beginning to make me nervous.

"kendall stop" i finally said  
"calm down. take a breath. get something to eat and... calm down" kendall looked at me with scared eyes.  
"come here" i said as i pulled him in for a hug

"what if this makes everything worse?" he said in my ear.

"how can it get worse" was my honest response to him. i think it worked though as he did seem calmer.

"pais will you come with me?" i pulled away from our hug and looked him full in the face. i wasnt expecting this. what he was going to talk about on national tv had nothing to do with me. if anything getting involved in it will put the final nail in any music career dreams i had. let alone spur on the lies that kendall and i are ... a thing.

somehow though my response from my mouth came out very differently  
"course i will"

i looked a complete mess. but there was nothing i could do about it now. kendall drove us down to the tv station. he was incredibly fidgety.  
i had a churning in my stomach.

a lady called jane came and spoke to kendall, she ran through some of the questions he would be given so he had time to get his answers ready.

it didnt sound all bad. it was just a case of if the public wanted to believe kaceys crock of bull shit or the truth from kendall.

i was given a seat just off camera. i gave kendall a small smile of good luck as he took his seat in the spot light.  
he was dressed smart. he looked clean and healthy, not like he had looked yesterday.

the music started and the host introduced the show. kendall was due on in a few moments

the atmosphere was tense. mostly due to thet fact that everyone knew sheridens life hung in the balance somewhere at hospital.

"kendall. thank you so much for coming here today. we appreciate it must be a very difficult time for all involved. do you have any update on sheriden lloyds health?" the first question wasnt so bad but it worried me what kendall might reply as he was now shunned from sheridens and james' life.

"i havent been given any recent news this morning on how sheriden is yet. but i wish her a speedy recovery" kendalls reply came quick and was vague enough to avoid any more questions connecting him to it.

kendall had told them before he would not answer questions regarding what happened yesterday to sheriden. so the host cracked on to his main subject.

"now the media went crazy yesterday over rumours that sheriden had aborted your baby to make way for a new love in her life. how did that come about?" i moved nervously in my seat hoping kendall could keep it together.

"yes... well the truth is always hard to find in situations like this. but the simple answer is what was told was mostly incorrect. yes there was a baby. but no it was not aborted. sheriden miscarried the baby in the car crash that she was involved in with james maslow" well done kendall i thought, he remembered to use "incorrect" instead of "lies", which is the word he originally wrote down yesterday when we planned all of this.

"in the papers it reads that she aborted the baby two weeks before the crash. and then went on a break with james maslow to las vegas, where she was seen on crutches celebrating his birthday".

"yes well again this is incorrect. she was still around ten weeks pregnant then. but i would just like to take the time to say that even if sheriden had carried out an abortion which many people have done i dont think it should have the need to cause up the media attention it has"

"so you believe the pregnancy was sadly ended in the crash?" the host asked.

"yes, sheriden and i had recently gone through some personal problems in our relationship, which i regret was my own fault i wasnt able to be in her life at the time that crash took place, which is why james was with her. james had taken sheriden for a 12 week scan at the plymouth day clinic."

kendall produced his baby picture with the date clearly visable.

"so it must be very hard for you to talk about kendall"

"obviously yes. it was a very hard time for everyone involved. but i felt i needed to come here today to tell everyone the truth of what really happened, as kacey delta had attempted to turn the public view of sheriden lloyd for her own gain".

"so you are aware that the original story came very publicly from kacey delta who is an ex girlfriend of james maslow"

"yes im fully aware that the story had originated from her. she has also had some personal problems regarding her split from james. im sure everyone remembers the slap she gave him at the KVA awards not so long ago"

"is there any resentment in the group regarding you and james now. i mean surely it must hurt to see him and sheriden as a couple"

"actually james and sheriden have always been very close friends. we all are you know, you have to be to live in each others pockets like we do. the time i realised that james was falling in love with sheriden, our relationship was already ended, it was after the miscarriage. obviously sheriden wasnt in a fit state to think about much else that was happening in her life. i sat down with james one night and just told him if he wants her then to go for it. i could see how much he loved her"

"so there was no stealing of girlfriends, and cheating behind backs?"

"no. the only cheating that went on was my own when i made a very public mistake in vancouver. but as far as sheriden, james and i are concerned. we are still all good friends"

"kendall why was all the baby news kept so hush hush to begin with"

"um... mostly because the pregnancy was still very early on, and because of the personal problems sheriden and i had. after the crash everything seemed so raw for sheriden we thought it best to not make it public knowledge to spare her feelings. you have to remember sheriden had recently been through the death of a loved one and of course her spinal injury ended her modelling career. she finds it very emotional to talk about all these things"

"do you think thats the reason she has ended up in hospital now, because it forced her to talk about them?"

"no one will know those reasons untill she is able to tell us herself"

"just finally what are your thoughts on kacey delta at the moment?"

kendall took a deep breath  
"my thoughts on kacey are mainly pity. she has got some issues that desperatly need addressing, thats all i have to say on that matter"

"thank you kendall. we all send sheriden our love and prayers"

"thank you"

kendall was excused from his hot seat and made his way over to me. i hugged him.  
"lets get out of here" he said

the taxi dropped me off at the hotel.


	26. Chapter 26

**Sheridens story**

I could hear voices. But my eyes wouldn't open to let me see anything. Nothing would move. I felt like I was in a dream.

The voices came and went. One of them I knew.  
James... it was James. My beautiful boyfriend. He sounded sad. Why was he so sad. I couldnt remember. My dream wouldn't let me remember.

I must of fallen to sleep again. But I woke up this time able to open my eyes.

I could see James. He was sat with his head on the side of my bed.  
He didn't see me. I tried to move my hand that he was holding but it wouldn't move. I could feel James' hand.  
Why couldn't I move? What had happened to me?

I was too tired to get scared about it. I just accepted it.  
Sleep took me away again.

The next time I woke up. I could open my eyes and I could move my fingers. I tried to talk but nothing would come out.

"Sheriden?" Came my beautiful James' voice.

I tried to smile at him but I'm not sure if my face moved.

"Sheri... can you hear me baby?"  
I moved my fingers. James smiled at me.  
He pressed a button and a nurse came in.

"Hello sheriden" she sounded so loud, she may have well of shouted at me.

"Sheriden do you know where you are?" My eyes moved from her to James to the surroundings of where I lay.

"Your in intensive care at hospital sheriden" she smiled at me.

"James is here, he has been taking good care of you." I looked at James he smiled at me but he had tears in his eyes.

She turned to look at all the monitors I was hooked up to and spoke to James.  
"Her stats look good. She is on her way out of it" the nurse said.  
"Why can't she speak?" James asked. His voice shook.  
" its normal that she will gradually come out of the coma. The fact she is responding to us is good news James. She understood what I said and looked around the room. That tells us her brain is still functioning very well"

"So she will make a full recovery?"

"Most young people that overdose and end up in a coma do make a full recovery. The chances are in her favour. She just needs time" she smiled at James again and picked a folder up at the end of my bed and left the room.

"Did you hear that Sheri, she said your going to be just fine. Then we can go home and put all this behind us" James tears over flowed his eyes.

I heard the word overdose. Surely that's not me she was talking about.  
My memory wouldn't work.  
Again the sleepyness took me under.

The next time I woke up. I couldn't see James. There was no one in the room but me. I moved my head to the side. It felt stiff.  
The room was filled with so many cards and flowers. Even a balloon bobbed about.

The door opened and a familiar face poked his head through.  
"Hello princess" he said.

"Logie" my voice cracked out. And a smile I could feel on my face.

Logan walked over to me and kissed me on my cheek.

"Your talking! That's brilliant! James will be annoyed he missed this"

"Where is James" my voice rasped out.

"He will be back in a little while. He has gone home for a shower that's all princess". Logan smiled a beautiful smile at me. His brown eyes gave me reassurance. Where as James' had looked scared for me.

"Logan what happened to me?"

"Let's not worry about that just yet. How are you feeling?" He changed the subject.

I looked him over with my blue eyes. What wasn't he telling me.

" is Carlos and kendall here too?"

"Carlos has been in and out all the time. He has been singing to you too" he laughed softly.

"And Kendall?" I reminded.

Logan looked away from me.  
"No... no he hasn't"

"Logan what is it? What happened. Is kendall okay?"

"Look let's just wait for James then we can talk everything over" Logan flashed me a fake smile.

I tried to sit up. But I couldnt.

"Take it easy sheriden" Logan soothed.

"Tell me why. What happened to me. What's happened to kendall?" One of my machines began to beep at me and a nurse came in.

"Sheriden I need you to calm down" the nurse told me. Another nurse came in. My heart rate felt insane. Like it was going to pop out my chest.

I saw Logan get moved to the back of the room.

Then everything just faded away.

"Sheriden?... sheriden?" Was the soft words I got woken up by.

It was James.  
I opened my eyes.  
"James" my voice was a whisper.

"Hey baby girl" he replied.  
"Your talking. That's great!" He beamed at me.

I tried to lift my hand up. But couldn't quite manage it.

"Logan said you got a bit angry at him" again James gave me an amazing smile as he held the hand I tried to lift.

"He wouldn't tell me what had happened to me and kendall?" My lips cracked as I spoke. They felt dry.

"Kendalls fine baby. He is here see!"

I looked over the other side of the bed. Kendall stood there. He looked awful. He had a black eye. It didn't look as if he had slept for a year.

I was confused. What had happened to him... what had happened to me.

"James whats wrong with me?" I felt scared.

"Kendalls going to fill you in Sheri" James said. He eyed kendall in a vicious way.

I looked at kendall. His clear green eyes looked almost transparent .

"Sheriden. You... you have just come out of a coma. It's been 3 days since you came in here. You overdosed on heroin. I'm not sure why... You got scared because it came out about the baby." Kendall held my other hand with both of his.

I lay in the bed and the memories started coming back. The baby and kacey. Kendall on top of paisley. All the crying I did. And injecting the heroin.

"I'm so sorry" I said. Tears ran down my face.

"Sheriden it wasn't your fault. It was mine. I handed an ex user heroin. That was stupid. I could of killed you". Kendalls voice was so low and sad. But his tone sounded rehersed, like a line from a show. Like he had planned what to say.  
It wasn't him.

I looked at James  
"It's not his fault. It's not and I won't have you blame him" James didn't say a word.

"I've got to go now sheriden" kendall kissed me on the head.

He walked to the door  
"I love you. I'm sorry" he added, as I watched him leave the room I saw him fall in to paisley petrellis' arms sobbing.

The door closed.

"James what have I done?" I wiped my face.

"You just need to get better sheriden" he rested his head on my arm.

"I love you so much" he added.

"I love you too" I patted down his hair with my other hand as his head rested on my arm.

As I became more with it. More things came back to me.  
James filled me in on gaps, like kacey being proven a liar because kendall spoke the truth on tv.  
James was told I should be home in no time if I carried on the way I was.  
He told me, not asked that once on my feet I was going to some doctor that would help straighten my head out with jay, and the baby.

James told me things with kendall will straighten out. But big time rush may not have a future.  
My heart sank to my stomach at those words.  
But again tiredness swept me away.

The next morning I felt a lot more like me.I could sit up but was a bit shaky on my legs.  
My blood pressure had returned to almost normal.  
The doctors were pleased enough that I would be allowed home soon.

The thought of going back there filled me with dread. I didn't want to go back.

"What's up Sheri" James asked as I got given the all clear.

"I can't do it. I can't go back there" I shook my head.

James carefully nudged me up on my hospital bed and sat next to me. He lifted his feet up and put his arm around me.

"Sheriden"he drew the word out.  
"James?" I replied.

"If you don't want to go home. You can stay at my house... I was thinking maybe we could make it a permenant thing?"

"You want us to move in together?" My voice sounded more sceptical than I meant it to.

"Yeah... I thought we could give it a go. If you dont want to that's still cool. We can do what feels best for you".

"James I would love to move in with you"

"But?" James asked with a frown.

"No buts. I love you James.I'm sorry for being so selfish and ending up in here. I'm so sorry"

"I love you too. Don't be sorry. It wasn't your fault" James smiled his. amazing smile at me.


	27. Chapter 27

**paisleys story**

I walked up to to my hotel room.i had just left kendall in the cab from the ride back from the tv studio  
I was looking forward to a shower and some clean clothes.  
Amberleigh wasn't in. I checked my iPhone. She had text saying she was going out with some family. And said the news is fucked up. Nothing from Ryan though. I last spoke to him 4 days ago. He must of seen something about all this in the news surely.

Amberleigh was better off out of it all. It felt odd to be alone.  
It seemed like so long since I had spent even 5 minutes on my own.

The shower felt good. Cleansing my body of all the horrible things it had seen and heard in the last 2 days.

I was tired. I looked in the mirror as I brushed out my long black hair. I couldn't be bothered to blow dry it. So I put it in a braid, and slumped in to my bed.  
I wondered how sheriden and James were.  
I hoped kendall would be okay on his own. I can't believe he gave sheriden the drugs.  
And kacey. Why, kacey? I wondered where she was now. I thought she was my friend.

I went to bed it was just past midday but my head had had enough of reality. I needed to recharge my batteries.

The door knocked before I could even close my eyes. I looked through the peep hole.  
Ryan!

I opened it up. Ryan stood there. He towered over me. Nearing on 6ft3 to my 5ft5 frame.  
His face was expressionless.  
Ryan is handsome. He is tall dark and very handsome.  
His African American skin was clear and smooth. It looked like he needed a shave though.

I hadn't seen him for 3 weeks.

"Did you want to come in?" I asked him.

"Is he here?" was all Ryan said

"Is who here?" I asked, knowing he meant kendall.

"Schmidt" he spat at me.

"No Ry' he isn't here. It's all a misunderstanding"

Ryan walked in to the room.  
"Get him here"

"What?" I replied.

"Get him here or I will find out where he is. He is all in the papers, it won't take me long"

I got my phone and rang kendalls number from my call history when he rang me in the club.

"Hi paisley... you ok?" Kendall sounded gruff. I thought maybe he had been crying again.

"Hi... yeah I'm... okay. Listen something has come up, and I was wondering if you could come round.

"What is it? You sure your okay?" He sounded exhausted. He could so do with not getting involved in my mess.

I looked at Ryan. This was only going to end with an arguement and me being single even if kendall did explain.

"Kendall... I'm sorry don't worry... try and get some sleep you sound beat"

Ryan looked at me his eyes furious.

"Paisley what's going on?"kendall asked down the phone.

Ryan walked towards me. I Hung up.

"Why did you do that?" Ryan shouted.

"Because he has more important things to deal with Ryan" I kept my voice calm.

"I don't care that his ex killed his kid, and I don't care that she tried to kill herself. I care what went on with him and you. He should be man enough to tell me himself"

"Ryan look I know your angry at me but honestly. Its not how you..." Ryan grabbed my phone and threw it across the room.  
It was totalled.

"Paisley we are finished" came the words I didn't want to hear.

"No... ry' please babe. I love you".

"Love me? Love me?... you used me paisley"

"I didn't, it was one mistake" i pleaded

"I gave you everything I could pais. I knew this singing shit would finish us up"

"Singing shit? I wanted to follow my dreams Ryan! It's not shit. Just coz I don't want to spend the rest of my god damn life in reno stuck in that tiny house"

"That tiny house is the only home you have paisley. I hope Schmidt is ready to have a house guest, you ain't welcome back at mine"

"Ryan please, you can't do this I love you... I'm sorry"

The door knocked.  
Ryan walked straight over to it and opened it.  
Kendall stood there.

"Oh look pais its your boyfriend" as soon as kendall walked in the door Ryan took a swing at him. Caught him square in the face.

"Ryan! No!" I tried to pull Ryan back. But he pushed me to the floor like a rag doll.  
Ryan laughed, and looked at kendall as he tried to wipe blood from his face.

"You can pick ya shit up from my yard pais" Ryan said to me still looking at kendall.

"Ryan please. Don't do this" I started to cry.

"Ryan? Right?" Kendall said

"Fuck off mate. Your not the first to end up like that" Ryan said to kendall, and kendall looked to me.

"Ryan everything that happened was my fault, paisley just got caught up in something" kendall caught his breath from the shock of being hit. He was bent over with one hand on his knee and the other on his face.

Ryan ignored kendall.

"Get ya stuff by Sunday or I'll burn it" Ryan said to me. He walked over to a bacardi bottle that was half full after mine and Amberleighs drunken night in.  
He swigged out of the bottle.

"Pais cmon, get dressed. Your coming back to mine" kendall said.

I looked up at him from the floor.  
"No" I replied

"Move!" Kendall yelled at me.  
I got dressed there and then. This wasn't a time for modesty.

Ryan just sat in a chair looking at us with a smirk on his face and taking gulps of bacardi.

Kendall grabbed what ever he thought may be mine and shoved it in a bag.

We left Ryan in the room. Kendall spoke to reception before we left the hotel.  
I presumed he advised security to escort Ryan from the building.

Then he got on his phone and talked to someone about what had just happened in the room with Ryan. Kendall ended the phone chat with "ten minutes".

He lead me by the hand to his car.

"Are you okay?" I sniffed out through the tears.

"I'm fine" was his reply

"Kendall what's happening in ten minutes?"

"I'm going to have to press charges on Ryan pais'" he glanced at me.

"No you can't. It wasn't him kendall! he isnt really like that" I pushed him as I lost the plot.

"Paisley listen. If I end up with a black eye. Who do you think people will point the finger at"

"Ryan!" I answered

"No not Ryan, Ryan is a nobody. They will think its James"

I thought about what kendall had just said. It did make sense.  
"But Ryan..." I started.

"I'm sorry paisley" he finished.

I looked out my window watching the streets go bye. Tears running down my face. If I had my phone I would tell Ryan to run.

We got to kendalls house there where 3 people waiting outside his home.  
I hoped they wernt journalists. I got closer, realising one was a cop.

Kendall knew the other two. We went inside and sat down in the living room.  
The police man introduced himself, and kendall introduced the two other men. One was Scott bridges his publicist and the other mark Norman. Kendalls lawyer.

Jesus what was going to happen to Ryan.  
Kendall looked at me and gave me his everything is fine smile.  
A picture was taken of kendalls face and a statement taken from both him and I of what had just happened.  
The cop left after he had all the details, saying he will be in contact soon.

Scott and mark stayed.

"Pais you look tired. Did you wanna get ya head down for a bit" kendall hinted for me to leave the room, so I went up the first flight of stairs in to kendalls bedroom.

I stood by the door to try and listen in on kendalls conversation.

"Suing kacey delta for libel will be easy. You have proof of the fact that her statement is lies.  
If sheriden Lloyd came on board after recovery you could both finish kacey delta off for good". Came the voice from mark the lawyer.

So kendall wanted revenge on kacey. He was gonna sue her for slander.

"How does it all work then?" I heard kendall ask.

"It will be very straightforward kendall. She will get issued with papers and will have to attend court. That's if court is the way you want to go?"

"Yes it is... I want to make this as public and painful for her as I can". Kendall replied.

the lawyer continued "From the defamation accusation and the financial loss that both you and miss Lloyd would have lost from part ownership in your record company, kacey delta will be ruined."

"What is the standard of compensation for the damages for kendall alone" asked Scott.

"That's for the court to decide, it would be hard to give a figure, but if sheriden Lloyd also made a case against delta after the trauma it has cost her, I expect the figure will be in the millions" the lawyer finished. He sounded smug.

"So what do I need to do now?"  
Kendall asked the lawyer.

"Get your paperwork sorted, with proof of the financial loss that will incur from the record label, and you will need to write a statement of the emotional distress from miss lloyds medical emergency that you alone suffered. I will send the final documents out for you to sign, then we can go after kacey delta".

"Thankyou mark. You have been a great help to me". I heard kendall and his guests move. I presumed they were ready to leave.

I got in to kendalls bed. It smelt like him, like his hair. It was nice.  
I heard footsteps come up, I closed my eyes pretending to be asleep.

Kendall sat on the edge of his bed.

"I'm so sorry pais" he whispered. Then lay down next to me.

I stayed with my eyes shut. I think kendall must of fallen to sleep.  
His cell ringing made us both jump.

He answered it.

"Hey" he answered with.

"Really. Thank god... that's brilliant"

"Why is he?"

"Ok"

"Ok"

"Thanks logan"

"Yeah you too bud... bye"

Kendall looked at me.

"She is awake... Sheridens awake" he smiled.

"That's good to hear, I told you she will be fine" I rubbed the jeans he wore as assurance.

"James is on his way here. He wants to talk to me" the tone in kendalls voice turned from joy to uncertainty.

I rubbed my eyes. What more drama could possibly happen I thought.

james arrived at the town house about 15 minutes after the phonecall from logan.

kendall let him in with out a greeting, unsure of the reason for the visit after the words they had last exchanged at hospital.

"sheriden was awake, but feeling confused at the moment" james started the conversation.

"can i see her please james" kendall replied, his voice low and calm.

"thats why im here. she spoke to logan and got herself worked up because she believes something bad has happened to you. she had to be sedated for her own good"

"what? why does she think somethi..." james interupted kendalls question.

"she cant remember what happened to her... i think that you should be the one to tell her kendall. it was your fault after all" james sounded so up his own arse

"hang on a minute james!" i said

"this has nothing to do with you paisley" james dismissed me as if i was a fly buzzing around his head.

" no james" i was shouting now " you can fuck right off with your accusations, i am sick of all of this shit... kendall has been working so hard to do right by you and sheriden, he never told her to take it. it was sheriden that told him not to. what do you think sheriden is going to say when she can remember everything thats happened huh!"

"pais!" kendall tried to calm me down.

"kendall no. ive had it up to here with all this bull shit. your all as bad as each other. no one is innocent in any of from that poor baby. do you have any idea what kendall has gone through. he saved your girlfriends life james! he has just had his lawyer round here ready to sue kacey for all the shit she has caused him and sheriden. and thats not to mention that mine and amberleighs hopes and dreams have been destroyed by the goings on of what you kendall and sheriden have been up to. i have no home, no family and no job... because of you 3"

i slumped on the sofa crying. kendall sat next to me and put an arm over me, but i shrugged it off.

"james like it or not sheriden isnt going to blame kendall for anything, you know that. pushing him away will only make her run to him more" my words where broken but they were true.

james sat down on the opposite sofa. his head in his hands.  
"i thought she was going to die" james croaked out

"james she is going to be fine now though" kendall offered .

james looked at kendall then looked to me.

"she will be awake again in the morning. if you could come down then you can see her and explain... i dont have it in me to tell her."

james stood up to leave

"james!" kendall called after him "i will tell her tomorrow, then that will be the last time i will see her. i think its well over due that finally happened" kendalls voice was thick with emotion.

james gave a nod then left. i dont think thats what james wanted.

kendall and i sat in an awkward silence as our heads whirled with thoughts we had no idea what to do with.

"can i borrow your phone?" i asked kendall

"sure" he replied

reluctantly i had to phone my mother and explain everything that had happened. i had no where to stay, and no life to speak of, i had put all my eggs in the same basket. i had nothing left now.

my mother gave me the "i told you so" speach but she agreed i could stay with her untill i found a job and a new place.

"was that your mom?" kendall asked as i handed the phone back.

"yeah she said i can stay with her for a while, im going back to reno tomorrow"

"tomorow? thats quick"

"no need to hang about really is there?"

kendall had a breif think about what i would possibly stay in LA for, no kandy teaze, no record deal, no nothing. he must of came to the same conclusion as i had.

"did you want to see sheriden before you go?" kendall asked

"no...i dont think i will be needed at her bedside kendall"

"okay... would you come to the hospital with me though pais?" kendall re phrased his question

i looked at him. he looked so done in.

"sure, ok" i added.

"how are you getting back to reno?"

"i have no idea at the moment" i smiled at myself for the ridiculous situation all of this had become. ryan was right, all of my dreams were never going to be anything except dreams.

"i will drive you" kendall offered

i laughed at him.  
"kendall its an 8 hour drive"

"yeah thats cool, i got time on my hands at the moment" he gave me a forced smile.

"can i stay here tonight?" i asked.

"course" he replied.

we spent the evening watching old nicholas cage movies. we didnt talk about the last few days. we just chatted about anything but.

"so tomorrow i will be back to paisley prince" i laughed

"what do you mean?" kendall looked at me puzzled.

"petrelli isnt my real name, my crazy agent made me take it on, she said it will advertise my italian look before anyone had even seen me" i chuckled at the memory.

"really?" kendall laughed to himself "paisley prince has a good ring to it too" he added

"yeah i preferred prince" i admitted "the things you do for fame huh"

kendall sighed "yup" he shook his head "i wonder where kacey is?"

"i dunno... she was so normal before we came here, it was like she changed overnight" i rolled my eyes at the thought of kacey delta.

"cmon, bed time i think" kendall checked the time then lifted me over his shoulder like a fireman would and carried me up the stairs.

i screamed out a laugh. "put me down" i joked

he did put me down on his bed.

"bathroom is through there if you need it" he pointed to his ensuite with a smile on his face

i just looked at kendall thoughtfully. then he clicked his door shut as he left and i heard his foot steps go down the stairs.

the next morning i woke up and kendall had prepared a massive breakfast. he must of been awake for hours preparing all of it.

"eat up" he said "we have a long drive ahead of us later"

"thanks" i replied. i couldnt rememeber the last time i ate properly.

"how do you feel about seeing sheriden today? you didnt mean what you said yesterday to james did you" i asked.

kendalls face fell  
"i think its best if i stay away from her. james is right i dragged all this up, if i hadnt of gotten carried away with my own issues then sheriden would be still at home doing her own thing. instead of stuck in that hospital "

"kendall you cant think like that" i protested his reasons.

"it will be fine" he said with a fake smile.

i knew it wouldnt be. i wish kendall didnt have the feelings he had for sheriden.

we got to the hospital just before 10am, sheriden was still asleep when kendall went in. already his tears had started just looking at her. he had to step out the room .

"i cant do this pais" he sobbed.

"you can, just do what you came to do. i know it looks bad but she is fine. okay" i gave him a smile then urged him back in the room.

i waited out side the room, i could hear voices now so i presumed sheriden was awake, but i couldnt work out what was being said.

after a few minutes the door opened. kendall spoke his last words to sheriden  
"i love you. im sorry" .

his tears came so hard, i went to him and held him.

"shhh, cmon everything will be fine" i promised him.

i sat kendall down on a chair and talked him through what was going to happen

"right mister. we are going to get in that car and get on our road trip to reno. we are gonna stop off and get a huge pizza for dinner and find some shitty motel and get totally pissed okay.

kendall wiped his face. he smiled at me.

"thank you pais... for being here"

i just smiled back at him. his eyes looked beautiful even with the purple bruise that now tried to take over his face.

kendall grabbed my hand and kissed it.

i pulled him up.

"cmon, i need to get the rest of my stuff from the hotel and say bye to amberleigh."


	28. Chapter 28

**paisleys story**

amberleigh still wasnt back in the hotel. i picked up the remainders of my phone. hopefully the sim would be okay, it looked unscathed.

i wrote a note to amberleigh just incase. i said ive gone home and i will be in touch

i grabbed my things and went out to kendalls car.

to start off with the atmosphere inside the car could be cut with a knife. kendalls troubles still seemed to out weigh my own.

"we have done everything in our power to make things right. everything else is in gods hands now kendall" more words of wisdom came from me in the hope i could snap kendall out of his depression.

"i know pais... i know" he gave me in return.

i flicked through some of his cd's he had in the disc changer, i came across the red hot chilli peppers. and sang my heart out. eventually kendall joined in. we had fun doing that. often we would end up in giggles for not knowing the correct lyric to the song.

"you are an amazing singer pais" kendall complimented me

"not so bad yourself" i gave him a nudge and a smile.

"so why dont you get on with your mom?" he asked

"boyfriends and drinking come first to her" i looked out my window at the scenery as i spoke.

"sorry to hear that!" kendall gave me a side ways glance.

"ah it happenes huh" i shrugged my shoulders.

"yeah i guess it does. what are you going to do when you get home then, any ideas?" kendall tried to lift the mood.

"well i used to life guard at my local pool. used to coach the kids in swimming too, i will probably go and visit my agent. try something different to kandi teaze" i smiled at the memorys of my easier life i had left behind.

"swimming huh? thats cool" kendall returned my smile

"what about you, what will you do?" i asked him.

"i have no idea... im under contract with big time rush for another 5 months. i cant really see it going any further than that now. too much water under the bridge" he raised his eyebrows as he decided the fate of his beloved band.

"well when one door closes another opens, isnt that what they say?" i tried to cheer him up.

"yup thats what im told. its been fun though, i love all those guys... even james" he laughed at himself.

"he is hot though right" i laughed at my own joke and kendall nudged me in the ribs with a smile on his face.

"you know what pais... i feel ive known you forever. i think your the best mistake ive made in the last few days. you make it all worthwhile" he glanced at me again and gave a smile as he drove.

"everything happens for a reason remember" i replied.  
i could feel kendalls eyes on me again even though i wasnt looking at him.

we hadnt talked about our random sex session since the night it had happened.

"i am sorry for... " he couldnt think of a polite word

"seducing me" i offered with a smile.

"seducing, yes. well i am sorry for that" his faced flushed a little.

"its okay... it was... good" i laughed then looked out the window with a silly grin on my face in the hope he couldnt see it.

"good huh? ... well thats better than nothing" he laughed this time.

"do you think ryan will forgive you" kendalls tone changed back to serious.

"i doubt it" i rolled my eyes at the thought of seeing ryan again.

"what did he mean by i wasnt the first to end up being hit?" kendall slowed the car for a red light.

"he... thinks i mess him about. but i dont. you were the third guy ive ever... you know, done it with" i blushed at my confession.

"was ryan not the father of your baby then?" kendall looked at me as we waited for the green light.

"no... i used to see this guy from school. but after the abortion it kind of scared me to have sex. it took me a while to get it on with ryan" as i spoke i looked kendall in the eye. it was really easy to talk to him.

"what about you" i added "you must be in the hundreds or thousands by now?" i joked

"what notches on my bed post?" he grinned.

"yeah?" i smiled back, the light turned green and kendall put the car in motion.

"hardly" he laughed "i do believe you are number 4"

"4? your lying kendall"

kendall laughed. "honestly! i had my first proper girlfriend when i was 17, i was with her til i was 20. then of course sheriden, i wouldnt really count the girl in vancouver but it happened so i guess i have to, then you" he made his case clear.

"so how come you dont want to count the canadian girl but you count me?" i asked puzzled.

kendall thought for a minute.

"i wasnt drunk when we did it. i wanted to" was his reply

"just to annoy sheriden? like the canadian one though?" i retorted, my voice semi comical.

"no. your hot pais... check you out!" he laughed "even in the restaurant that night i thought about what you might... be like" kendalls face went bright red.  
so did mine.

"so you do like me... did like me?" i asked.

"course" he smiled.

"so you have any decent cheesy songs in here we can sing along too?" i changed the subject.

"here you go" he handed me his phone. " the usb is in the glove box... all the cheese your heart desires on that" he laughed again.

i plugged his iphone in to the car stereo. some of his music he had on here was awful. i came across some eminem, we rapped out the bits we knew. it was funny. nice to relax in a good environment for a change. the last few days had been so shit.

"kendall?"

"yup?" he replied nodding his head along to the beat of the music.

"do you feel relieved in a way that all your baby news came out? i mean you can talk about it til your blue in the face now" i looked out my passenger window.

"yeah. i had an awkward chat with my mom the other day though. she was fuming that i hadnt told her" kendall smiled as he said it.

"why so funny?" i asked.

"my mom hated sheriden. she said she would ruin me. always listen to your mother huh!" he laughed

"why did she hate her?"

"she said she was too famous, too old, and too... damaged. i think is the polite way to put it" kendall still had the odd grin on his face.

"do you think it will be easy to not see her anymore?" i asked cautiously.

kendall smiled "yeah shouldnt be too bad, after all, the trips to reno will keep me busy" he winked at me.

i shook my head and smiled.

"i wanna get back to how i used to be you know pais'... i used to be so carefree, but then life grabs you by the balls and sucks you in" the smile on his face faded.

"yeah i know what you mean" i agreed.

i searched for more songs through the iphone.

"really?" i mocked as the spice girls came on.

kendall burst out laughing.

"so you still want pizza?" he asked.

"yeh i sure do" i rubbed my hungry tummy

"and what about the sleazy motel and booze?" kendall smiled

i laughed out loud

"whats so funny?" kendall mused.

"kendall i didnt say sleazy motel, i said shitty motel" i smiled at him as his face flushed red at his mistake.

"you know what i meant" he chuckled.

"and its a good job i do" i giggled

he laughed to himself.

"pais?" kendall drew my name out

"yeh?" i turned to look at him, he had a smile on his face still.

"you wont go to the papers and tell them i bought you booze will you?" he chuckled

"your an idiot" i smiled back at him.

we came across a ton of sleazy motels much to kendalls amusement but we finally settled on one that was mid range. it was still awful, i would think kendall had never been in such a terrible room, even before he found fame.  
the room had two grotty looking beds that had been pushed together, the ceiling looked like once it may have been white, but it definatly wasnt now. the curtains where yellowed and torn.

we looked at each other and laughed.  
"what do you want on the pizza" kendall asked

"everything. im sooo hungry" i replied.

"okay cool, a girl after my own heart" he smiled "you still want drinks pais?" he squinted his eyes at me.

"yeh i do" i smiled at him.

"okay cool, well i will be back in a while. you er... " he looked around the horrid room again "make yourself at home" he winked at me and left the room.

i lay on the bed and looked up to the stained ceiling. well pais your definately back in reality i thought to myself.  
the drive up here had been great though. i really did like kendall. maybe if things had of been different then we may of got together somewhere down the line.  
kendall was right. life did suck you in. i didnt think i would be crawling out of what i had been sucked in to anytime soon.

i was determined to enjoy my last night of the celebrity life with my famous roomy.  
its such a shame he is so broken.

kendall was amazing. and gorgeous, even with his bruised face.

i decided to have a shower and get in my pyjamas to avoid any awkwardness later.  
the shower was... well, shit, it was more of a dribble than a shower. never the less i still had a good sing along and lathered my self up.

"pais?" i heard kendall call.

"yeah? im in the shower"

"okay. well pizza and ... refreshments are back" i heard him have a little chuckle.

"okay il be right out" i called.

as i stepped out the shower i must of tripped over the ledge, but i ended up as a heap on the floor.

kendall opened the door

"shit! you okay?" he asked trying not to look at my nakedness

"erm yeah i think so. i tripped" i blushed, and kendall offered me my towel.

"your head is bleeding pais" kendall pointed to where he could see a small cut.

i wrapped myself up in the towel and looked at my head in the mirror

"fuck sake" i scorned myself.

"come here, ill do it" kendall pulled me out of the bathroom and sat me on the bed.

he went out side our room, i heard his car open and close then he came back in brandishing a first aid kit.

"here you go" he said with a smile.

kendall cleaned the cut with a sterile wipe. it stang and i winced at him.

"sorry" he said "its only tiny, i think you will survive" he gave me a smile.

"thanks" i said

sitting next to kendall on that bed like that with his face so close to mine, only one natural action occured to me.  
i really wanted to kiss him.  
but only one natural action occured to kendall too.

"pizza time" he announced  
he smiled. the look on my face must of given me away.

"come on pais get dressed" he winked again at me,  
i went back in to the bathroom where my pyjamas were and changed in to them.

"well i got a huge pizza with pretty much everything on it, and i got some vodka and a bottle of coke" i could hear the grin in his voice all the way from the bathroom.

i walked back in to where he had laid the food out. kendall was pouring us both what looked like a triple vodka and coke.

"you did well on your shopping spree then" i mocked him "are you trying to get me drunk on the first drink?"

"why would i want to do that?" he asked with a grin i had seen before.

i sat next to him on the bed

"kendall... ive got a problem..." my voice serious now.

"whats up?" kendalls tone now matched my own

"if i drink that then there is a very high possibility i will try and fuck you tonight" my eyes squinted at my vulgar phrasing.

"and if you dont drink it?" kendall replied, a small smile danced on his lips.

"i think, then that i will try... and make love to you" i just sat there and wished the world to swallow me whole again.

kendall stared at me, all traces of the smile had vanished. had i overstepped the mark of honesty? i should of just kept my mouth shut.

"well pais i guess theres only one thing to do then huh" kendall said seriously.

"whats that?" i whispered

"not to drink it" he replied then leaned in to kiss me.

i welcomed his lips on mine, i had forgotton how soft they felt. i folded my arms around his neck, he felt strong. i layed down and pulled him with me. we kissed for ages. it was beautiful.  
he was so different to the time he ravished me in my hotel room. this kendall that was kissing me now was caring, and good.

"pais?" kendall pulled away from our kiss "i really like you okay, im not doing this for any other reason" his honesty was welcomed just as much as his kiss.

"i know" i replied then pulled him down for another kiss.

i freed myself from kendalls kisses briefly enough to undress. i was kneeling on the bed beside him. he liked what he saw. his large soft hands carressed my breasts. it felt nice. he wasnt rushing me. i was so glad i told him my fears over sex on the way up here.

i pulled at the belt on his jeans and then slid it out before undoing his fly and releasing his erection in to the room. i kissed his chest, remembering the last time how he had pleasured me with his tongue.

i worked my kisses down lower. i teased him with my tongue, running it down his length. i felt my insides moisten. kendall gave out a small moan of pleasure. i loved his noises that he made, they were raw and from deep inside him.

kendall swept his fingers across my thigh as i pleasured him, i could feel his fingers run across my clitorous. my heart pounded.

kendall pulled me away gently from him and laid me down on the bed, my damp hair gave off the smell of my floral shampoo i had just used. kendall swept my hair back from my face and kissed me before taking his shirt off and freeing himself of his jeans.

his hands cupped one of my breasts as he guided it in to his mouth.  
it felt so good, shivers ran down my spine.

i pulled him nearer to me, i wanted him now. right this minute. he entered me with ease. the feel of him penetrating me was even more delicious than the last time, slow and seductive was definately for me. i could feel every inch of him move inside me.

i could feel my orgasm building up. kendall smiled then pulled himself from me. my body was so close to releasing the pleasure he was inflicting on me, but kendall hadnt finished yet. he kissed my neck, and ran his fingers down my spine. being very careful not to put his tip near me. the thought of it turned me on even more.

his kisses travelled down my side. he carefully turned me over, i was now on my knees. and he was behind me, kendall ran his fingers over my cliterous again, he slipped a finger inside me, gently massaging me with more pleasure.

he loved the way i felt, he loved touching me. he felt my breasts with his other hand before removing his fingers from inside me. he then entered me again from behind. this time the feeling was more intense. feeling his body move against mine, and hearing his noises filled with pleasure almost sent me to seventh heaven but kendall still wasnt done.

there was no way i was believing him on being his number 4. he was a sex god, i had decided that for certain.  
kendall turned me again on my back. he smiled at me. never before had i felt so much love and care come out from someone when i had slept with them.

his soul goal was to pleasure me, he loved it. he enjoyed exploring my body and hearing my pleasure escape from my mouth.

he was on top of me again and was inside me moving slowly. he was close now, i could tell. i let my body relax in the knowledge that soon kendall would send me away to bliss. and soon enough it came.

kendall had a shower and i got in to bed, picking at the pizza while i waited for him. i hoped to god that he would still be in the same mood when he came out and not change like he did in my hotel room just a few nights ago.

he came in to the room donning just a pair of boxers. he looked hot.

he crawled on to the bed and settled down under the covers with me.  
i looked at him. trying to fathom out his mood.

"pais, this is no good" he finally said

i looked at him. eyes wide and fear began to sink in.

"the pizza is cold" he finished with a smile.  
i shook my head then gave him a hard nudge in the ribs.

"dont do that" i moaned "i thought you had gone all odd again then"

he laughed and we ate pizza in bed til we couldnt move.

"im never eating again" i joked

"thats good saves me money on oversized pizzas in the future then!" kendall chuckled.

"kendall is this just a one off?" my voice whispered the words out.

he looked at me and pulled me in to his arms then kissed my forehead.  
"i dont want it to be pais" he answered.

"reno is a long way away" he added.

"yup" i agreed.

"i will sort something out pais" .

"what do you mean?" i asked

he sighed. "im not sure yet but i will, i promise you"

"pais can i ask you something a bit personal?" he smiled again.

"course, anything?" i replied.

"there not real are they?" his grin widened.

i guessed he was talking about my boobs. "no they are not real. but they are big" i confessed. "you not like fakes?"

"i like them" he laughed.  
i shook my head at his now caveman like conversation.

"you wanna drink this vodka with me then?" i asked him

"sure why not?" he smiled.

the evening mostly consisted of me and kendall doing karioke to the songs on his iphone. i enjoyed every second. it was fun. he was fun. i hoped that this was the kendall he used to be, and i was helping him to be it again. i fell to sleep in his arms. trying my hardest to stay awake to make the night last longer.


	29. Chapter 29

**sheridens story.**

as we left the hospital i was filled with so many different emotions. relief, fear, guilt, hate and love, to name a few.

"i went to yours this morning and got a load of your clothes and other stuff" james informed me

"thanks" i replied.

"are you sure you dont want to go back, its tidy and... well you know" he squeezed my leg.

"i cant james, not just yet, i will when im ready to sell it" james turned to look at me.

"you sure you want to sell up?" he asked.

"yeah im sure. new house new start" i smiled at him

"okay baby" he smiled back at me.

the drive back to james' seemed longer than it should have been but eventually we arrived. i stepped in to the modern looking bungalow.  
i smiled at james. he had filled the place with fresh flowers, he knows how i love the smell.

"wheres the dogs?" i asked him

usually i had been mobbed by them by now.

"they are staying with uncle carlos for a bit, just untill you are settled" he grinned at me.

"james you didnt have to do that, they are your babies" i walked in to the bedroom as i told james off for his abandonment of his dogs.

james followed me in and layed on the bed, he crossed his arms over the back of his head.  
"just thought it be easier" he yawned at me.

"what are you doing today? do you have to be anywhere?" i asked him

"well i was meant to be at the studio today but im one band member short of a group, and two business partners down in a record label" james looked at me lovingly to get the point of his sarcasm across so not to offend me.

"why two short for record label? im still in. has kendall quit?" we hadnt talked about the record label for days, since the night we all went out for dinner to meet up.

"sheriden, your not really in though are you? your gonna be getting your head sorted for a while before i even let you so much as lift a pen up" james smiled at me.

"im fine james, dont piss me off by taking things aways from me" i didnt return his smile.

"im not taking anything away, i just want you to take it easy. you have been through so much. besides there is nothing to do at the studio without a band huh." he kept his smile.

i crawled on to the bed and in to his arms, he unfolded them from behind his head and held me tightly.

"i can fix it" i promised him.

"it cant be fixed sheriden. it needs to start from scratch" he kissed my head.

"you never said about kendall" i asked "has he just abandoned it then?" i looked up at james.

"i havent heard from him sheriden, to be honest its not exactly great between us right now" he confessed.

"well you can sort it out james. i am not being the reason that everything falls to bits with you, i know you blame him for the drugs..." he cut me off.

"sheri i dont blame him... i mean i did at first, but paisley kind of made me see sense"

"paisley? why was paisley talking to you about kendall?" i asked as i sat up and faced him.

"paisley was there with me, and kendall when we found you. kendall gave you first aid, paisley rang for help... i didnt do anything, i just sat there, i couldnt move. they came to the hospital to see you but i said to kendall he wasnt welcome in our lives anymore. next thing i know kendall is on tv prooving kacey a liar with a picture of the baby, i went round to see him to have a go at him, to say its him that can tell you what he had made you do... but paisley said all the things that kendall had done... do you know he is suing kacey for libel? he sorted all that out in 24 hours and all i could do was sit there and watch you ... on the floor. jesus why did you do that?" james pulled his knees up to his chest.  
he reminded me of myself.

"james im so sorry. i dont know why i did it. i felt cornered. i wanted to escape" i looked at james.

"... sheriden did you want to kill yourself?" obviously james had wanted to ask this question for a number of days.

"no, i didnt mean to OD. I promise you. i just took it to take the pain away. thats the thing about shit like that, no one can tell when its too much... james are you going to leave me?"

"no... no way! course im not, jesus that hadnt even crossed my mind sheriden. ive never been so scared in my life. i felt for sure that was it, you know. i thought you were dead... i wanted to be dead"

"dont ever say shit like that james. it was a stupid stupid mistake, it was my own fault, nothing to do with kendall or kacey. if i had of taken the time to talk about stuff when it happened then i wouldnt get so emotional" i wiped a few stray tears from my face.

"i never want to be with out you sheriden" james put his legs down and placed his hands over mine.

"you wont be. coz im not gonna let you go ever, we are gonna grow old, and have a million babies and i will still be so inlove with you when your hair falls out and your face is as wrinky as mine" i laughed.

"your face isnt that wrinkly" he smiled  
i gave him a pretend slap.

james looked at me with his american smile beaming " a million kids huh?" he chuckled.

"maybe not a million" i raised an eyebrow to him.

"we gonna make it though arn't we sheriden. me and you... its for keeps yeah?" a serious smile came over james' adonis face.

"its for keeps baby". i leant over and gave him a kiss. "you wanna just chill out here for a bit, you look like you havn't slept for ages" i layed back down on the bed in to james' chest.

"that sounds great" he smiled again and pulled me in for a hug. i lay there with my eyes closed just thinking for a few minutes.

"james, was it you that gave kendall the black eye?" i asked.

"no, i dont know how that happened. i will call him later. he is the last little crease in all this i need to fold out. he said some stuff the other day that im hoping he didnt mean" james lay with his eyes shut still, his voice sleepy and calm.

"what did he say?"

"ah it doesnt matter i will sort it baby" james yawned.

i opened an eye to see if his were still closed. they were. i layed next to james looking at his beautiful face until i could tell he had fallen to sleep, his breathing got heavier after a few minutes. i slowly slipped myself out from his arms and got up from the bed.  
i felt tired but i knew i would just be laying there thinking of all the bad things that had happened. i had a walk around james' bungalow.  
james was so romantic putting all the flowers around the place. the bungalow was large, the living area was smaller than my own,but the kitchen was bigger than mine had been. it has an oversized breakfast bar with 6 stalls stood beside it, the kitchen lead out to a large sun room which opened up to a garden filled with trees and a largeish pond at the side. james said there was fish in the pond but i had never seen any, i think they must of all died from shock when the dogs started jumping in.

i hunted my lap top out from some of the belongings that james had brought round from my house for me, i sat it up on the breakfast bar and sat down.

i hadnt seen any papers or news on the tv since that fateful day in my bathroom, i guessed now was as good a time as ever.

what i read wasnt so bad. most was the truth actually. kendall had done a huge greatness by going on tv. i signed in to twitter, all the comments i had recieved where full of support and love. i didnt scroll down too far just incase i found some hateful ones.

i decided to tweet

**SheridenLloyd **_Home safe with __**jamesmaslow**__ . thank you everyone for you love and support. i have made huge mistakes but the ppl in my life amaze me_xxx

i stared at the screen for a while reading some of the new tweets that came in for me. carlos being the twitter hound that he was made a joke at my expense.

**thecarlospena **_the lengths __**SheridenLloyd**__ will go to for a long nap ;-)_

bloody carlos, he is a nightmare! i couldnt wait to see him though, and logie and kendall. i hoped kendall was okay. he seemed so emotional that day at the hospital. he told me he loved me. why would he say in front of james. i hope he wasnt doing anything silly.

i checked my work emails, there was plenty that i could be getting on with at the modelling agency.  
i had a charity gala to finish organising too. i wasnt sure if i would be attending it though, it was only a week away. the sheriden lloyd foundation - a charity that i set up three years ago to help spinal injuries and defects. i held it every year on the same date as i had my accident. doing this stopped me from moping about and being miserable. last year james and i had a rather risque picture taken and put up for auction. the picture was beautiful, james ended up getting the winning bid and giving me the picture as a birthday gift.  
he never did tell me what his maximum bid was, but the picture sold for 250.000 dollars.

i was hoping kandy teaze would do a small set at the gala with some of the slower songs they had done but no such luck now. at least i still had big time rush playing. i would have to find something to fill the slot for kandy teaze.

the door knocked.

"who is it?" i asked

"its your logie bear" a chuckle came from the other side.

i opened up and embraced logan henderson like i hadnt seen him in years.

"how are you sheriden, doing okay?" he took my face in his hands to check me over with his eyes "you look so much brighter today" he added.

"i feel a load better" i concluded.

"where is james?" logan asked scanning the room.

"he is sleeping. he looked exhausted earlier. i think he can relax more now im here with him" i ushered logan in to the kitchen and we both sat at the breakfast bar.

"yeah he didnt like to leave you in the hospital"

"how are you then? all good?" i asked, i hadnt had a good chat with logan in a long while.

"yeah all fine the gigs we did were amazing" he beamed a beautiful smile at me.

"you still single logie?" i nudged him with a small smile

"yes still single sheri?" he nodded his head in disaproval knowing i always moaned at him to find a nice girl.

"i actually came round to see if you had heard from kendall?" he added on the end before i could get going on my get a girlfriend speach.

"no i havent since yesterday, james is going to call him later. he said kendall was saying stupid things".

"well kendall was with the petrelli girl, he was taking her back to reno yesterday. but he still isnt back yet, he isnt answering his phone to me. im just worrying he is gonna get caught up in another whirlwind romance, typical kendall style and end up flat on his face. he asked me to look after his animals"

"kendall was taking paisley to reno?" i asked

"yeah she was going home, i spoke to him briefly yesterday at the hospital, but he was so tightly wound, he wasnt making much sense"

"i will get james to try paisleys' cell later, maybe he went off somewhere after he took her back?" i scratched my head wondering where he might be "logan do you know how kendall got the black eye?"

"yeah it was paisleys boyfriend. took a swing at him in the hotel apparently then dumped her, kendall is pressing charges on him"

"oh i see, the boyfriend. so you think him and paisley are together now?" i probed him further.

"i honestly dont know, they have been together since they found you pretty much, carlos said she was at his the other night, she went to the tv station with him, and he has driven her all the way to reno..."

my mind whirred, i hope paisley knew that kendall was damaged at the moment. i didnt want to see him get hurt again.

"did you want a drink or anything?" i offered logan.

"shouldnt it be me looking after you while his lordship is sleeping?" he grinned.

"i wont argue with that, my head feels a bit... odd still , but im trying to ignore it" i gave logan a forced smile, he got up from his seat and got me a glass of water.

"so whats this i hear you dont want to go home?" logan asked with seriousness.

"i just dont want to see it. me and james are... kind of moving in together now" my face gave way to a grin.

logan chuckled "i dunno! sheriden lloyd all grown up huh? are you moving in here or going to buy someplace together?"

"i know who would of thought my bachelorette days would soon be numbered. im happy to stay here. james' house is beautiful"

logan eyed the room we sat in and smiled at me.

"you wanna watch your corny dvd you love?" logan raised an eyebrow at me.

"labrynth?" i smiled. i always watched labrynth when i was feeling a bit down, usually with carlos though. im surprised the dvd still worked to be honest.

"cmon then" logan picked up my water and followed me to james' lounge. i found the dvd and we sat on the large L shaped sofa and watched.

logan laughed through most of it, taking the piss out of a very youthful looking david bowie. my body started to shiver with cold, which i think scared logan slightly. he offered to cover me with a blanket but i insisted it was probably time i fought the demons and tried to sleep.  
logan left james' house only when he knew i had everything i needed.  
he is such a great guy. i couldnt understand why he only ever held relationships for such short periods of time.

i crawled in to bed, but this time under the covers, my body had the chills like ive never known, i pressed myself up to james' body as much as i could without disturbing him.  
i finally fell to sleep.

i woke up and the time on the clock read 9:12am. how the fuck had that happened, i must of gone to bed at 4 in the afternoon yesterday.  
james had gone. im surprised he hadnt worried if i had slipped back in to a coma being asleep for so long.

i showered and dressed and went out in to the kitchen. james had left a post it note stuck on his fridge.

**sheri,  
made you a smoothy.  
drink it please!  
xoxoxox**

i opened up the fridge and found the newly made smoothy, looked like it had strawberrys in it, i couldnt tell what else.  
just as i wondered where james might be, i got my first clue given to me by a distant bark of a dog, then a minute later james walked in with fox and falco at his feet.  
i was so glad to see them. the place wasnt the same with out them here. they made it a home.

"morning baby, your looking so much better today, i only got up an hour ago, i went to see carlos and quickly went to yours, i picked your mail up"

james gave me a kiss on the lips when he finished his sentance.

"morning. what you got there then?" i took the mail from james' hands and worked my way through it. some intersting some not so. and one that was from my lawyer. it stated that kendalls lawyer had been in touch with him about his case against kacey requesting some assistance.

"the nerve of that girl" i said out loud.

"who?" james asked

"kacey, the dumbass bitch! says here that kendall has started proceedings to sue her for libel. but she is fighting it, saying that no comments were made directly about mr schmidt, so he doesnt have a case.  
she wants it to go to court to clear her name, so they are asking if i would be willing to start proceedings against her too"

"she is an idiot, everything that girl does is so she gets some money out of it" james looked over my shoulder at the letter i had in my hand

"i will take her to the fucking cleaners" my mind was set.

"woah sheriden, no. just let it go okay, kendall can sort this out, he started it, he can finish it. this could go on for months. kacey's dad is a lawyer. you dont want to get mixed up in all that. they will try everytrick in the book to win that case. you dont want your whole lifes history dragged out do you?"

i turned to look at james. he looked so delicious when he was mad.

"i dont care, im doing it. kendall saved my life you said? least i can do is save him from that bitch" i turned my head so i couldnt see his face anymore.

james walked around to face me, he rolled his eyes to say whatever.

"im gonna phone kendall" james retorted.

james got his iphone from his pocket and hit the quickdial for kendall.

"hi kendall its james, can you call me back when you get this. thanks buddy." james left his voicemail message.

"i wonder where he is?" i asked james." thats two and half days ago he left for reno" i thought for a minute "here try paisley?" i handed james my own cell with paisleys number ready to dial.

"says its turned off" james said as he took the phone from his ear.

he tried another number from my phone.

"hey amberleigh, its james maslow. ive been meaning to talk to you, just things have been a bit crazy last few days."

"yeah i know. thats fine."

"i will meet up with you soon to discuss all that, im sure we can sort something out... hey i was just wondering if you have heard from paisley?"

"yeah to reno?"

"oh i see. do you have a number for her anywhere else?"

"okay not a problem. if she does call or anything then can you let me know?"

"brilliant, thanks amberleigh. take care."

james handed my phone back to me.

"well amberleigh is still at the hotel. paisleys phone got smashed, but she left amberleigh a note saying she will be in touch with her soon. she is going to her moms"

it didnt make sense. why would kendall disapear in reno?

i called kendalls cell from my own phone maybe he will pick up for me.

it rang but it didnt answer.

"where is he?" i sighed as i looked at james.  
james had an odd look about him.

"james what did he say to you the other day?, you said you hoped he didnt mean it. he isnt going to hurt himself is he?" i thought back to the drugs i had taken from kendall.

"no, no nothing like that" james sighed "he said he was gonna stay away, that going to the hospital would be the last time you saw him, he said it was about time" james rubbed his head.

i pulled my laptop towards me from where i had left it yesterday.

"what are you doing?" james asked.

"ive got paisleys details on here, it will have her agents number, i expect she will have a contact number for us".

i phoned madeleine caddick, she had the mobile number that was now not working and the home address that paisley no longer lived at thanks to kendall.

i slammed the laptop shut.  
"you know what, im done. if he thinks he can play silly buggers and just fuck off when things get bad then sod him, thats exactly what he can do"

james took the letter from the lawyers from the breakfast bar and stuffed it back in the envelope. he smiled at me for two reasons, one that it seemed i no longer wanted to get involved in helping kendall out in court, and two i had my fight back.


	30. Chapter 30

**paisleys story**

"Paisley"  
"Pais', wake up".

I woke up to kendalls eyes looking at me from the pillow next to me.

My head hurt, far too much vodka had been consumed the previous night, and my voice sounded rough as I spoke.

"Hey, what's up?" I asked still half asleep.

" I was thinking... if you want to that is... Well I don't have to be anywhere for another 6 days, we could just stay here"

I looked at kendall Schmidt. The man who I only met less than a week ago but had now slept with twice.

I sat up. Taking in kendalls plan of action.

I looked around the grotty motel we had stayed in.  
"You want to spend a week in here" I grinned.

"Why not? Beats taking you home today... we can go someplace better if you want?"

Kendall had a look on his face like all his Christmas' had come at once. It filled my insides with butterflies.

I took another look around the room.  
"Nope, all I need is right here" I answered him.

"I've got to get my things from Ryan though. He said he will burn them" I frowned at the thought.

"Well can we fit it all in the car?" Kendall asked.

I laughed, " definately, I don't have much, just clothes and stuff"

"Ok. we will get ya stuff, take it to your moms and then find some finer temporary accomodation for us" he smiled.

"Why do we have to drop it off?" I moaned to the thought of going back to my mothers.

"Because you said you would be back yesterday. If you dont show up she will get worried"

"Kendall I doubt she will even remember my phone call let alone worry I've not shown up" I laughed at kendalls gentlemanly thoughts towards my mother.

He gave me the look to say its happening.

"Okay," I rolled my eyes at him with a defeated smile on my face.

He sat up and came towards me for a kiss.  
I hesitated for a second, but welcomed it.

"You okay?" Kendall asked.

"Yeah, course. Sorry I didn't mean to do that. Just a bit new" I smiled at him hoping i didnt offend him.

"It's cool, you just broke up with your boyfriend. I didn't mean to rush you" kendall spoke apologetically and shyed away.

"No its not that, I mean this... me and you. It's brilliant. It's just new that's all"

"Pais we can take it as slow as you like"

I smiled at him,  
"6 days of me and you then?"

He grinned at me with his beautiful eyes.

"You okay to drive then?" I asked seeing as the vodka bottle was near on empty.

"I do believe you drank most of that" he laughed.

I pushed him back down on the bed and straddled him.  
We spent several minutes kissing. His tongue teasing me inside my mouth.  
I pulled away from him and he smiled at me.

"Slow remember?" He said.

"Slow is good" I replied followed by one more kiss on his lips.

I got up, and strutted my naked self in to the bathroom. Kendall chuckled at me as I walked away teasing him with the view of my body that his new slowness rule had banned him from.

After we had both showered and dressed and spent several more minutes with our faces locked together with slow seductive finally checked out and got back in the car for the final part of the trip to reno.

"So what's on your agenda for 6 days time" I asked as we got back on the freeway.

Kendall glanced at me.  
"Got a gig for a charity gala... its kind of Sheridens thing"

"So much for staying away" I smiled at him"

"I will. But the band comes first" he kept his eyes firmly on the road.

"You should call her, to see how she is" I rubbed his leg.

"6 days pais. Just me and you. After that reality will grab my balls, but untill then..." kendall smiled.

"What's gonna happen after 6 days?"

"I'm not sure paisley. I'm sorry. Definately still see you... I mean you can drive down or get the train... can you drive?" Kendall seemed agitated after hearing sheridens name

"Yeah I can drive but I don't have a car, I sold it to get to Detroit with the girls"

"Well we will sort something out" he gave me a forced smile.

The drive only took a little over 2 hours, kendall pulled up outside ryans house.

"Do you think he is in? Kendall eyed up the the shabby looking house.

" I don't think so, his cars not there. I can see my things" I nodded at the black garbage bag on the side of the porch.

"I'll get it" kendall said then he opened the door and walked up the short path.

Seeing kendall at my former home was an odd sight. I liked him not being surrounded by the glitz and glamour of California.  
He was so normal.

Kendall chucked the bag in the trunk and got back in.

"You all right?" He asked.

"Yeh" I gave him a small smile.  
Kendall gave me a kiss.  
"Cmon let's go see ya mom"

I didn't talk apart from the odd directional turn commands. After 15 minutes we had reached my destination. It looked worse than I remembered.  
I let out a sigh. Thank god I was putting off returning here for 6 days.

The small bricked chalet style house that I grew up in looked awful. Even ryans tiny house looked more welcoming than this.  
The grass was more dead than alive. The wooden door was in dire need of stripping and painting. One of the panes of glass had been replaced by some plastic.  
I dreaded what the inside would look like.  
I dreaded what kendall must think of me right now.  
"I won't be long" I whispered, avoiding eye contact with him.

"I'll get your bag" I heard him say as I got out of the car.

Kendall got the garbage bag out the trunk for me as I got my holdall from the back seat that I had in LA.

I gave a smile but aimed it at my feet as I took the bag. I walked through the mesh gate and knocked on the door.

She answered.  
"Well here it is" my mother greeted me in a more polite way than I had expected.  
She was drunk though.12:30 in the afternoon.

"Hi mom" I whispered.

"You've got fat paisley!" She eyed me up.

"Not really, have I? I spat back."Is it okay if I stay still?"

"What happened to Ryan? he Had enough of ya'll finally?" She slurred at me.

"we broke up." I sighed. I so couldn't be arsed with this crap any more.

"Well its only the settee I have. It won't be for long will it?" My mother. Such a caring human being.

"No won't be for long. I'm just dropping this off from ryans, then I'm out of town for a few more days, so I won't be in the way untill Friday" my mother eyed up the car that was parked behind me, outside her gate.

"New one already then?" She said as she gave kendall a cross examination. Kendall had sun glasses on so he could  
View all of the goings on discreetly.

" That's just my friend" I whispered

"She will bleed you dry just like the other one" she shouted over to kendalls open window.

" shut up" I hissed at her.

Kendall pretended to not hear, but He must of.

"So can I come in?" i changed the subject to get her away from kendall.

She moved from the door and I walked in.  
The place was a mess, dirty cups, glasses, Plates scattered all over.  
Mismatched and broken furniture littered the rooms.

I put my bags in the corner of the living room and sorted some of the items out I would need to bring back out with me.

"Thanks for this mom" I said as I repacked my holdall.

my mother smiled at me "I'm gonna need some money paisley"

i knew this was coming, now i was her liquor income"Yeah course"I whispered, I got 30 dollars from my purse."that's all I have on me at the moment.

"Well it will do for now" she smiled at me again.

"I will see you Friday then?" I reminded her.

"Okay paisley baby" hmm I was paisley baby now she had taken my cash for being inside the house for 10 minutes.

I said goodbye and left. She followed me to the gate, swaying this way and that.

I got back in to kendalls car. He drove away with out a second glance at the drunken woman that stood at the end of the garden.

"You alright?" Kendall asked after a few minutes silence.

"No, not really" I began to cry. Kendall pulled over and pulled me in for a hug.

"Is she always like that?" Kendall asked.

"Yeah pretty much" I replied through a few tears. I wasn't much of a cryer, but the sadness of going in that place just got the better of me.

"There's a hotel not far. We can get cosy then sort all this out pais" kendall said as he wiped a tear away from my face.

I nodded and he put the car in motion again.

The hotel we got to was just a normal run of the mill Hilton.  
Kendall chucked my bag on the floor and flopped belly down on the bed. He beckoned me down with a wave of his hand.  
I laid belly down next to him with my head rested in my hands.

"Why didn't you tell me things were that bad paisley?" His voice was soft.

I smiled " believe it or not that's a very good day for her"

Kendall let out a deep breath."how am I meant to leave you there pais" he shook his head.

I smiled at him "kendall you can't rescue me. It's just life. I didn't mean to get upset, I just forgot how crappy a mom she is but she would never hurt me"

"No. I'm gonna fix it. We can get another girl in to replace kacey and pick up where it left off". Kendall was clutching at straws.

"Kendall its done. I'm out of luck and now thanks to my mother out of money. It's not meant to be. Kacey had the best voice. Kandy teaze is dead"

"Well stay with me. I got more than enough room..."

"Kendall don't be stupid. If I didn't have feelings for you I would snap that offer up, but I'm not gonna do that coz I... really do like you".we looked at each other for several moments.

"You don't want the fame anymore?" Kendall changed the subject

" I do but... not by shacking up with you. I only met you a few days ago"

"Ok... ok..." he took another breath and changed the subject again"where do you get all the Italian from?" Kendall definately made the most from behind the sunglasses in his car earlier.

"My dad, he is Italian, my mom is just blonde white trash" I let out a sigh this time.

"where is he now?"

I shrugged "he left when I was 7. He ran a bar in town and was screwing one of the barmaids. He went off with her, he visited me to start off with, but I havent so much as had a birthday card in 6 years now"

"Paisley I'm so sorry, I had no idea this is what spurred you on"

"Spurred me on?"

"Yeah to sing... to be a star. And just for the record, kacey may have stolen the stage but you have the better voice. You need to believe that".

"Kendall let's just enjoy the time we have now huh" now i changed the subject.

"Yep! Your right". He gave my backside a slap and stood up."paisley prince... we are going shopping" he pulled me up to my feet and kissed me.

"What are we shopping for?" I mused.

Kendall looked down at himself  
And held his arms out." I didn't come with anything, I need clothes, and i owe you a new phone"

"You don't owe me anything kendall" I kissed him." You are looking a bit shabby even for you" I smirked.  
"Tahoe is the best place near here. Are you not worried we will get seen"? I eyed kendall.

"Pais your not my dirty little secret. Tell you what if you come quietly I will buy lunch" he grinned like a cheshire cat.

"And if I don't?" I raised my eyebrows at him.

"Well then..." he lifted me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist.  
I playfully screamed as he manhandled me.  
He kissed me. "Well then...that will be your last kiss" he promised.

I smiled at him.  
"Your very handsome kendall Schmidt, you know this don't you. Even with that black eye".

Kendall was just about to kiss me again when his cell phone rang.  
Kendall just looked at it on the side and let it ring out to voice mail.

"Who was it? Sheriden?" I asked as he put me back on my own two feet.

"No, Logan...6 days pais. I need a break... cmon shopping time" he grabbed his keys off the side and walked out the hotel room grabbing my hand with him.

Shopping with kendall was a very different experience to shopping with a normal person.  
He likes trainers... a lot. He bought himself 3 pairs. And got more than enough clothes to last him more than the 6 days.  
He held my hand pretty much every where we went.  
It felt special, I enjoyed the feeling.  
He wore aviator sunshades to hide his bruise on his face which came in handy as he got spotted fairly often by his eagle eyed btr fans.  
He had his picture taken with a good few of them.

One small girl, she must of been about 8 asked who I was, kendall replied "a very good friend" . I was happy with that. Any thing else this early on would be crazy. but im not even sure if kendall wanted it anything else at all.

Yeah we had slept together already but I enjoyed this getting to know each other take it slow approach.  
And the truth was the more I did get to know about him the more I was falling for him.

I doubt the same could be said for him, in the past 2 days I had gone from a wannabe singer to an alcoholics daughter, with no hope in life.  
But for now I was pushing my reality to one side just as kendall was.

"In here" he ordered.

We had walked in to a phone shop.

"Honestly kendall I can't let you buy a phone for me" I gripped his wrist.

" its not really for you. If you don't have a phone how are we gonna keep in touch?" He kissed me on the forehead.

The public display of affection made my cheeks redden.

He bought an iPhone for me regardless.  
We returned to our hotel after we stopped off at some Chinese noodle place to eat dinner.

"Kendall do you miss being normal" kendall laughed at my question.

"Am I not then?... normal?" He smirked at me.

"You know what I mean, do you ever wish you wernt famous?" I eyed him carefully as we both sat on our nice Hilton double bed.

"I love all of it... well apart from gossip and stuff. Sometimes its hard to talk just incase it can be easily twisted. But its a small drawback for everything me and the boys have achieved".

I nodded.

" you look shattered pais? You alright? Your head feeling okay after your knock?" He now eyed me carefully.

"Yeah I'm fine. I got bit of a headache but I think its from the vodka" I gave kendall a reassuring smile.

Kendall got up and pulled the sheets back on the bed. He undressed and got in. I followed suit. But kept a vest top and some panties on.  
I snuggled up to kendall, admiring the tattoo on his arm.  
I swirled my finger over the heart shape and yawned.

I was pretty tired.

"Today was fun" he said kissing my head.

"Yeah it was nice" I added.

we chatted a bit about general stuff but I soon dozed off to sleep.

Kendalls phone ringing woke me up. But not him, it said on the screen that it was James calling.  
I wonder what he wanted.  
I got in the shower and got dressed. Kendalls phone rang again. This time is said "shoo" on the caller id.

Kendall woke up.

"morning pais" he husked out at me.

"Morning, your phones been going..." I handed it to him.

"James and someone called shoo" I added.

"Oh right" kendall responded and took the phone not making eye contact.

"Shit" he said

"What's the matter?" I asked and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Got an email from my lawyer, kacey is being a problem" he sighed.

"So what does that mean then?" I looked at him kind of aware what may well just be coming.

"It means life has grabbed my balls pais... I'm going to have to go back to LA" he ran both his hands across the top of his head.

"Today?" I whispered.

"Yeah... but its fine. You can come with me and we can..."

"Kendall no" i thought for a minute, there was no point delaying the enevitable. "It's not gonna happen. I got to go home sometime, might as well be today"

Kendall sat up "I'm sorry" he whispered.

"It's okay... its been great ya know"

"Pais please come with me, it will be fine"

"No its a waste of time, It will be Friday before too long and I would have to come back again"

"Paisley... baby.. I'm sorry" he looked me in the eye.

I hugged him.

"Cmon let's get it over and done with" I dragged kendall from the bed.

"Pais come here" and he pulled me on his lap and hugged me.

"This isn't it. okay... I promise" he whispered at me then kissed me on my lips.

I nodded in response. Fighting back the lump in my throat.

Before long he was parked outside my moms place again.

"Can I come in?" He asked.

"I'm not so sure that's a good idea kendall" I looked up at the house.

"Well I will call you when I get back okay!" He promised.

"Sure" I managed out."You take care alright".

"You too pais" he smiled

I got out of the car and walked around to the drivers side window, I leaned in.

"Gonna miss you and your smile" I rubbed his poorly eye with my hand.

Kendall gave me a smile as a parting gift before kissing me gently on the lips.

He started the engine up and turned the car around at the end of the street.  
I watched him drive by, as he slowed down to go past with his final wave I mouthed " I love you" to him.  
He gave me a shy smile before driving away.

Why did I do that? what was i expecting from the guy. he was still hung up on sheriden quite obviously and i had nothing going for me.

i turned and looked at the house that i for now would call home. i sighed then walked up the path.


	31. Chapter 31

Sheridens story

As I watched James running after the dogs in his garden I tried to sort out some things for the charity gala.  
Most of it was taken care of music, auction, dinner etc... but a few items had to be addressed by me, I also needed to book another artist in to replace kandy teaze.

James hadn't given me the I told you speach yet about how he knew kacey was a huge risk.  
But I knew once he knew I was completly better he would be piling it on me thick.

He came and sat next to me on the patio table.  
He was laughing at fox his little puppy.  
"Any luck yet?" He questioned my band finding.

"No not yet. I'm waiting for a couple of calls back" I rested my head on his shoulder.

James nudged me and pointed his head towards fox, I looked up. Fox was now covered in green slime from the pond.

I laughed "he is your baby, you can hose him down"

"Yeah he is" James smiled "...sheriden... you know what you said about a million kids the other day?" He added.

I looked at him from my resting point on his shoulder."yes... what about it?"

"Well do you think we actually will... I mean we know what's coming now dont we, with your back. You really want to go through all that pain again?"

I sat up properly and looked James in the eye.  
"I do want children... I do. I'm not prepared to let my stupid back take that away from me"

James kissed me.

"Are you wanting to go through it all with me?" I asked James.

"For you sheriden, I would do anything. Even if it meant running you hot baths every hour for 9 months" I laughed at James.

"I love you maslow" I whispered.

"Hey one day you will be maslow" he smirked at his words.

"not marrying you James!" I joked.

I was getting cold, I ran my hands across my arms. i had goose bumps.

"You want a sweater Sheri?" James asked.

"No I'm gonna go in, my head feels a bit light... who says fresh air is good for you huh?" I rolled my eyes.

James smiled and gave me another kiss.  
"Okay baby, I'm going to wash the incredible hulk clean, and be inside in a bit"

I got up but just as I was on my feet James grabbed my arm and pulled me down on to his lap.  
"I will make you mine Lloyd" he said with a smile.  
He made my heart ache so much.

We kissed slowly. James' arms wrapped around me. He kept me warmer than any jumper in the world.  
I love him so much.

I heard the door bell sing from inside.  
"Eurgh, bad timing" James said pulling his lips from mine.

I smiled, feeling James' hardness digging in to me.

"Its probably Logan, you clean the hulk, I'll get the door"

I climbed off of James' lap and walked through the house to the front door.  
I opened it up to see kendall stood before me.

"Oh. sheriden!?... hi. I didn't think you would be here?"

"Where the hell have you been! Everyone has been trying to get hold of you"

Kendall looked past me and ignored my moans.

"Um... is James about? I need to talk to him"

"Come in" I opened up the door further to allow kendall in to James lounge.  
"He is washing fox down... kendall I had a letter from my lawyer this morning asking to jump on board of this case with you" as I spoke kendall wondered around the room pretending to be interested in the art on the walls

"Uh huh" he replied to me.

"Well did you want me to?" I snapped now.

"Do what you want sheriden"

"Have I done something to annoy you kendall?"

He ignored me and walked through to the kitchen.

"Kendall?"

Again he ignored me.  
"Kendall you can't come inside my house and treat me like shit" James walked in the kitchen from the garden but kendall didn't see him.

"It's not your house though, I came to talk to James. Kendall hissed at me.

"Sheriden lives here now"

kendall turned around to see James.

"We have moved in together kendall" James carried on "sheriden still isn't 100% so if you have come here to make life difficult then I would like you to leave"

"I didn't come here to make anything difficult, I didn't know she was going to be here" kendall spoke to James.

"Kendall why am I she now?" His petty attitude was pissing me off. I walked right up to him so he could address me instead of going through James as a third party.

Kendall looked me straight in the eye.  
"Personally sheriden I've had enough of your shit, and your face.

I slapped kendall hard round the face.  
"Jesus!" He cried out as he held a hand to his already bruised cheek.

James stood in the same spot at the door looking at the floor with what looked like a smile on his face.

"I'm sorry okay. I just need some space from you shoo"

"Why what have I done? last time I saw you ,you told me you loved me, now this?" My voice was raised now. And my cold and shivers had returned with avengance. I wrapped my arms around my self and sat at the breakfast bar.

"I just ... blame myself. If I wasn't in your life then this shit wouldn't keep happening to you" he pulled up a stool.

"Is she okay?" Kendall asked James.

"Yeh, she has trouble controlling her body temperature, it will wear off" James replied and sat down on a stool himself.

"Can't you get her a sweater or something?" Kendall didn't like seeing me how I was.

"It will wear off" James simply said with a shrug.

"Christ!" Kendall took his jacket off and placed it over my shoulders.  
Again I noticed James smile at his feet.

"So what did you want" James asked kendall.

"Um yeah... well, kandy teaze. we need to replace kacey. It can just carry on"

"Kendall kandy teaze is finished..." he cut me off.

"No its not, if we just got another member it can still work" his voice begged.

I had a feeling this had something to do with him and paisley.  
"Kendall its not just kacey. Amberleigh has gone now too. James had lunch with her today and she decided that she wants to be more in a studio than on stage"

Kendall looked from me to James. In the hope that my words were lies.

"But she can't of left?" Kendall slumped in his seat.

"Kendall is this about paisley petrelli" James asked.

"She said she loved me... when I drove off. She just said it"  
James and I looked at each other.

"Well... do you feel the same?" James asked him.

"How am I meant to know that. I'm still in love with your girlfriend" kendalls eyes pierced in to James.

James looked away.

"Kendall? sorry what's been happening between you two" I asked .

"We are seeing each other... sort of, its all bad timing shoo, my head is all over the fucking place"

"Kendall do you like her?" I asked.

"Yeah she is amazing, I do really like her" kendall looked to his hands." I need to get her back here... in LA"

"There isn't a band for her anymore bud'" James got up from his seat and walked out to the lounge returning with a blanket which he wrapped around me replacing kendalls jacket, then sat me on his lap with his arms around me on the bar stool that was next door to me.

Kendall hardly noticed all these goings on.

"You should see where she has to stay, its all my fault you know. And her mother... Jesus!" kendall put his head In his hands.

I gave James a squeeze. I didn't know what to say to kendall.

"... Well she is still only 19 kendall, she is a good singer, she will get her break" James reassured kendall.

"No she is giving up" kendall said."her voice is amazing, you should hear her... I mean really hear her".

"Kendall she is really good, I have heard her. But the band has gone" I patted kendalls shoulder.

James squeezed me this time. I looked up." Can I have a word" he whispered.

"'Scuse us for a sec'" James said as he popped me off if his lap and ushered me through the lounge and in to our bedroom.

"What?" I hushed

"Ask paisley to sing for your charity" James asked.

"What?, how will that Get people to donate money. She is a no one James. I don't mean to be harsh but this charity means the world to me" my whispers bit back at James.

"Sheri, trust me. You owe me big time for the kandy teaze fuck up. I will make it work. I've got an idea"

"What idea?" I hissed at him.

"That would be telling... do you trust me?"

"Of course I do babe but... Jesus . why is kendall doing this?"

"Maybe him and paisley have got something good?" James smiled.

"Yeah and maybe Logan was right, and kendall is rushing in to things again"

"... well so what if he is" James smiled.

I shook my head."James please don't fuck up my charity. I put a lot of work in to help peoples lives with that"

"Sheri i won't fuck it up. I promise" he pulled me back out to the kitchen.

Kendall was still sat at the breakfast bar.

I stayed standing but James sat next to kendall  
"Right this is what we will try... get petrelli back here. If she is as good as you say she can be on her own, and if your wanting to risk it, so are Sheri and I on making paisley solo". James smiled at kendall " she will need to be here on Friday to sing for her life at Sheridens charity bash on saturday"

"You would both do this for her?" Kendall replied in astonishment.

"No I'm doing it because I've been told to, and James is doing it for you" I pulled the blanket tighter around me.

"Call her and see what she thinks" James nudged kendall.

"Yeah... yeah okay!" kendall pulled his phone out of his pocket.

Silence succombed the room as kendall waited for paisley to answer her phone.

"Pais', hey. Listen I've got some news. How does going solo sound? We are gonna sign you pais!..."

"What do you mean?"

"Course you can paisley. I told you. Your amazing" I looked at James. Hearing the one sided conversation from kendall it sounded like paisley had some confidence issues.  
James just cocked his head and shrugged.

"No it will be fine" kendall continued."you need to get back here by Friday"

"Well I will pay for it?" Kendall was really agitated.

"What? Why?..."

"Well what does that mean?"

"Okay... yeah I know, but..."

Kendall looked up and took the phone from his ear.  
"She Hung up... she was just about to talk to her... Ryan"

"kendall stop dicking about, go get the girl, and bring her back" James said flatly.

"I can't, I've got to see my solicitor... this kacey shit."

"Well I will drive down and get her" James concluded.

"What? No you won't James!" I argued.

James ignored me and walked with kendall towards the garden.

For fuck sake.  
I shivered and walked through to the bedroom.  
I got undressed and changed in to my night shirt and got in to bed.

I could hear voices in the next room. Kendall must be leaving.

James walked in. He took his shirt off and layed on top if the covers next to me.

"I'm not talking to you" I mumbled.

"Sheriden it will take one day to get her back here. It's not worth you getting upset over"

"James... why are you doing this, to force kendall in to a relationship?"

James laughed at me "no sheriden. I'm doing this because I wanted to start a record label. I listened to you, and I've listened to kendall. Now I want to listen to my self"

I turned to look at James.

"You can stay here and make sure that kacey gets what she deserves"

"I didn't think you wanted me to get involved?"

"I don't...really. but its the right thing to do. I'm going to drive up tomorrow. Kendall says she is meeting with her ex now, he thinks she will go back to him. Apparently her mum has a load of problems"

I snuggled in to James too tired and cold to argue. How I ever survived doing coke for all those years before I will never fathom out.

I fell to sleep in James arms but woke up just after Midnite. I layed there thinking about kendall and his latest problems.  
Was I jelous he had found someone he was willing to risk so much on?

I got out of bed carefully so as not to wake up James and picked my lap top up from the sofa and sat in a stool at the breakfast bar.

I clicked on my personal photos and scrolled down to some I hadn't looked at in a long while.  
One in paticular made me smile.

It was of me and kendall. It was taken at the beginning of our relationship. Kendall had his arm draped over me.  
And I was as close to him as i physically could get.  
Both of us smiling up at the camera. Kendall looked so... complete.  
My heart ached away.

"Is there something I should be worrying about" James said from behind me.  
I slammed the lap top shut.

"Shit, you scared me" I said, flustered.

James took the stool next to me and re opened the lap top.

"I'm sorry... I was just looking through them all..." I was rambling.

James looked at the photo of kendall and I.  
"It's a good picture" he smiled at it.

"I'm sorry James" I felt ashamed.

"Hey Cmon" he put his arm round me."I was there remember, you two was all about each other... I can't expect you to not feel... anything"

"James its not that, its just... well I don't know what to feel"

"Sheriden I love you. So much I doubt you will ever even know. But I stand by what I said the day after you two got together. It was a mistake. You look happy in that" he pointed to the picture."but you look happy in these too" James scrolled the curser to some pictures of him and I before we dated and some after.

I smiled at the memories before james returned it back to kendall and i.

"Don't be guilty of your past sheriden. It made you and me who we are today"

" what the hell did i do right to get you James" James laughed at my honesty.

"I think its more what you did wrong Sheri"  
i smiled and a few tears escaped my eyes.

He chuckled again.  
"Come here soppy" and he pulled me in for a hug.  
"I couldn't sleep myself actually" James confessed.

"Why not?" I asked wiping my face.

"I want to ask you something" James' voice was almost a whisper.

"It's not will you marry me before you go off on one" I shut my mouth.  
"But would you consider buying a house together? This place really doesn't suit you Sheri"

"James I love this place. There is nothing wrong with it" I defended the gorgeous bungalow.

"My princess deserves a palace to live in. A fresh start for both of us. would you want to buy a home with me?" James held my hand on the breakfast table.

"Yes I definately would like that" I whispered through a few more escaped tears.

James kissed me.  
"Cmon let's get back to bed" he ordered.

James left before 6am the next morning. The plan was to pick paisley up and hopefully get back before dark.  
Kendall was under instruction that under no circumstances should I be left on my own for over a few hours.

I kissed James goodbye. I so needed him right now, not kendall.  
Then he was off to reno. I felt lost.

After I got the ball rolling with my own solicitor on kaceys back I had kendall left over as my house guest.

It had been a long while since we had been alone together like this.  
I felt uncomfortable.

"You can go you know, I don't need a baby sitter" I said to kendall as we both sat on the large L shaped sofa.

"I promised James I would stay til he got back" kendall insisted.

Silence filled the lounge.  
"Did you want to watch a movie" I asked him.

He thought for a minute before replying to me.  
"... shoo why did you do it?"

I looked at him for several seconds then shrugged.  
"Jus' wanted the pain to go"

He nodded.  
"You really moving in with James then?" Another question.

"Yeah... we are thinking about buying a place together, somewhere bigger... a family home. You know?" I wished I hadn't of said the last part of my sentance.

"Oh right... are you... now?" Kendall stumbled through his sentance lacking any grace.

"No. No I'm not ready for that yet... just getting set for the future... you know?"

Kendall nodded " so you and James are the real thing you think then?"

"I believe so, yes".

"Sheriden..." kendall lingered.

"Yeh?"

"James... and you are perfect. He is just the person you need" kendall gave a weak smile.

"Thank you" I returned with a weak smile of my own.

"So what has been going on with you and paisley" I grinned.

Kendall cracked a beautiful smile. The excitement in his eyes at the chance to talk about her.  
"Well we agreed to take things slow. But she is... a lot of fun"

"And she told you she loves you?" I asked.

"Um... well yeah, I think so. She kind of mouthed it to me when I dropped her off"

I smiled " did you say it back?"

"No it shocked me to be honest. The thought hadn't even crossed my mind"

Kendall seemed very Hung up on paisley. It was nice to see.  
Just before 1pm I recieved a call from James.  
Reno wasn't going to plan.  
He didn't go in to great detail. I got the impression some words had been said between James and the ex boyfriend.

James said there may be a slight problem but phone again shortly to let. me know.  
I didn't tell kendall this yet. No point in making him upset.

Kendall made him and I some lunch. It was a beautiful day so we ate in the garden. It was gone 3 when I received the next call from James.

"Sheriden there is a small problem" James said down the phone.

I left kendall sat in the garden and walked in to the house.

"Oh James, if paisley doesn't want to come then sod ..." James cut in.

"No she is here. I've got her. It's the car... I'm fine. Don't worry about anything like that but the windscreen is... cracked. I can't drive with it like this, I found someplace to repair it but the screen won't get here til tomorrow. I won't be home tonight Sheri"

"What? James... you have to come back..."

"I'm sorry baby, I promise I will be home by this time tomorrow"

"How did it crack... the windscreen?" I asked.

"Um ... paisleys boyfriend took a dislike to me"

"What? Did he hit you?"

James laughed down the phone.  
"Sheriden please" he chuckled again "I'm fine baby. Listen Logan is gonna be with you later tonight. Kendall can go home"

I've never seen James even slightly violent. I wondered what had happened between him and this Ryan person.  
James worked out a lot, he was definetely capable of looking after him self.

"Ok... what time for Logan?"

"Bout 9, he is out of town til later"

"James I will be in bed by 9, I'm almost ready for bed now. Fucking comedown of this shit is a killer"

"Sheri shooting it up in the first place is a killer. Keep your phone on loud and Logan will call you when he is there. So you can still go to bed early" I could almost hear the smile in James' voice.

"Love you James. Call me later baby yeah?"

"Love you too Sheri. I will"

Great. Now I was doomed to spending the rest of the day with my ex, while my boyfriend spent the night with paisley petrelli somewhere in reno.  
I knew that maserati would make problems. And here it is.

I walked back out to the garden.  
"So they are staying in reno for the night" I sighed as I sat back down next to kendall.

"Really? Why?" Kendall asked.

"I think the masarati got a similar treatment as your face"

Kendall laughed "no fucking way"

"It's not funny. James could of got hurt"

Kendall pulled his phone out

"What are you doing now?" I asked him.

"Texting James, I want a picture of it"

I rolled my eyes. But felt fairly happy.  
Finally witnessing kendall talking about James in a fun way.

kendalls cell vibrated and a big grin came over his face.

"how bad is it?" i asked

"im not sure yet he said look at twitter"

"i'll get my lap top.." i walked in to the kitchen to get my lap top. it opened up to the picture of kendall and i from last night.

"thats...weird" kendall added.

i blushed. "i was just looking through them last night thats all"

kendall didnt say a word.

i signed in to twitter and there it was

"jesus christ" i whispered. the windscreen was not just cracked. it was mostly shattered with a hole in it. paisley was sat on the bonnet of the masarati. she looked every inch a little rock star. the caption james had put with his photo simply read "watch out world paisley prince has arrived"

"prince? why prince?" i asked kendall.

"petrelli was like a stage name she was given, her surname is prince... i guess james is allready on the ball of making her a someone" kendall smiled at the picture.

"james is okay with this girl isnt he?" i eyed kendall

"you mean is paisley a slut?" kendall said flatly

i shrugged at kendall.

"sheriden, paisley has a few issues relationship wise, so im pretty safe in the knowledge that not even amazing james could crack that one"

"you did... after an hour!" i reminded him.

"yeah that was different" he protested.

"i wonder what james has got up his sleeve for this girl? did he say?"

"i think he wants her to do a small set with some big ballads too show off her voice and he toyed with the idea of a colabiration with us"

"thats a good idea, sounds like a you tube frenzy if its got you guys in it"

"yeah... she is amazing." kendall smiled away at the picture of paisley on the car.


	32. Chapter 32

**paisleys story**

as i opened the door to the brick chalet house that i grew up in i took one last glance to where kendall had just dropped me off.

why did i say i love you. what a dick i am.

i sighed deeply and walked in the house. my mother was still in bed as far as i could gather. the mess was awful, i began to tidy up.  
there was no way in hell i could live here like this.

after an hour or so of making the place semi livable in my mom graced me with her presence.

"i thought you said friday?" her voice sounded so much older than she actually was.

"yeah things changed" i answered

"ryan was round here last light looking for you, ellie mei from down the street saw you was back and told him"

"what did he want mom?" i asked

"he wants you back paisley. and if you know whats good for you you will go back... i sure as hell dont have the room for you here"

i thought for a second and looked around the house.  
my reality sucked. with kendall gone and him being so far away i doubted that i would probably ever see him gain.  
yeah im a pretty girl. but thats not enough to bring kendall schmidt back to me.

"i will call him mom. i will hear him out okay"

she gave me a smile before going to the fridge to get a beer out. she might as well pour the stuff on her cornflakes.

i had arranged to meet ryan in town. i didnt want to go back to his place just incase he got angry. i have been known to lock myself in the bathroom from time to time to escape a fist from him when he would accuse me of doing shit with other guys.  
kendall was most definately the only guy that had been silly enough to succeed.

i sat on a bench waiting for ryan to show up, he was already ten minutes late.  
my phone rang. it was kendall.

"hey! how are you?" i answered

_"Pais', hey. Listen I've got some news. How does going solo sound? We are gonna sign you pais!..."_

"kendall i cant talk now, solo sounds... not good"

_"What do you mean?"_

"im not good enough for that. i could never carry it off."

_"Course you can paisley. I told you. Your amazing"._

" i really dont feel comfortable with it kendall"  
_  
"No it will be fine" kendall continued."you need to get back here by Friday_"

"i dont have any money to get back to LA"

"_Well I will pay for it?"_

"look ive got to go now"

"_What? Why?..."_

"im meeting ryan, kendall"

"_Well what does that mean_?"

"well nothing but i cant stay at my moms, you know what she is like... look he is here now, gotta go. sorry"

i slipped the phone back in to my pocket just as ryan had approached me.

we talked over a lot of things. but the fact was i had slept with someone else, he had the right to be angry... even though i knew and he knew that he had done it to me countless times with other girls.

i didnt tell him about the phonecall i had just got about possibly returning to LA. i couldnt even afford to get there so there was no way it could even happen.

it looked like ryan was my only light i had left at the end of a dark shitty tunnel.

ryan agreed that i could come back to his house. i said i would stay at my moms for tonight and he can pick me and my things up tomorrow.  
he seemed happy with that. we walked around for a while, i was hoping to find a few job positions in the local shops. i would go down to the pool tomorrow to see if there was any way they would take me back on as life guard.

the night on the sofa was a long one. i tried to stay out as late as i could so i wouldnt run in to moms latest squeeze. he was a class A dick.  
i was pleased that this would be my only night on this sofa. i think i would rather be dead than put up with living here again.  
my night consisted of very little sleep and remembering the awful childhood that i had. looking around the room so many memories came back to me that i had lost or purposly forgotton.

funnily enough it was in this room that i lost my virginity to scott from school. and it was this room that i told my mom i was pregnant at 15.

i wish i had my time again. i wish i wasnt so scared of everything.  
i wish kendall had of taken me back with him.

i woke up late the next morning, just gone ten. i got washed and dressed and walked the way in to town to the pool.  
i spoke to a few old friends, they found it amusing that i had been in the papers, and asked me a load of personal questions about kendall... if i had learnt one thing from any of what had happened in LA it was to keep your mouth shut or reap the repercussions.

i denied everything and smiled sweetly.  
they had no jobs for me.

as i got back to my moms i got the shock of my life seeing james maslows car out side the chalet. it wasnt alone though, ryans car was parked just infront of it.

crap!

ryan must of been in the house, james was sat in his car. i didnt blame him not getting out, i wouldt of left that thing outside on this street alone either.

i knocked on james' window, it came down and the gorgeous james maslow smiled at me, he had his sunglasses on again so all i could really see was my own reflection looking back at me.

"hey paisley" james chirped

"hi... what are you doing here?" i asked bemused.

"its your turn to shine... we are going back to LA"

"what? why are you here.."

"kendall is busy with taking kacey to the cleaners, so i have come to rescue you. i did knock but the angry little guy in there wasnt very welcoming towards me" james grinned. his smile was amazing.

"but what will happen if it turns out rubbish again? ive got no where to come back to if i go with you"

"paisley what if it turns out great?"

i smiled at james. singing... and kendall, it wasnt much of a risk when i weighed the odds out like that.

"okay i will get my things"

"i will come with you paisley"

"no... its fine, its not great inside... honestly its fine i will be right out"

"paisley im coming with you"

i sighed, and nodded.

james came in the chalet with me. ryan was sat on the sofa. he must of seen me talking to james through the window. ryan looked pissed off.

"hey" i said to ryan

"wais who the fuck is that?"

"um, ryan , james. james , ryan" i introduced them "james is... my boss

"i thought you said that all that singing shit was finished, then he shows up with his flash car... and what?... you off again?"

"ryan listen. this is a massive thing for me"

"i dont give a shit pais. you aint going anywhere"

"please, ryan. you cant tell me what to do"

ryan stood up, he squared up to james. i think there must of been only an inch in the size difference between them.

"you want her? your gonna have to pry her from my dead hands pretty boy!"

james didnt say a word. he smiled and gave a small chuckle before ramming ryan up against a wall. james held him there by his throat.  
im not even sure if ryans feet could still touch the ground.

"i think you should listen to your girlfriend a bit more. she wants to do this" james voice was more a hiss "if you ever threaten me again i will cut this fucking throat... are we clear?"

ryan gurgled in response.

james let go and ryan fell to the floor in a heap coughing.

"get ya shit pais' we are off" james said before walking out of the house

i grabbed my stuff and ran out the door and in to the passanger side of james' car.

ryan came out the house.  
"im sorry" i called out to him

"sorry... fuck sorry" ryan shouted back at me. he started kicking at a loose fence post untill it had got free. james did my window up and drove off, he turned around at the end of the road but ryan was armed and ready. the maserati took a blow to the window. i screamed.  
james put his foot down, i had no idea how he could even see out the car, but he somehow made it a few blocks away from my moms chalet.

he pulled over

"fuck... fuck" james shouted

"shit im sorry" the car was silent

after a few moments james spoke  
"its not my car, its rented... fuck"

"well lets just get it fixed. its only the windscreen" i hoped it was only the windscreen.

james got out and had a look at the damage, i opened my door but stayed in the car.

james poked his head round "yeah it is just the screen... sorry i didnt mean to shout at you"

i smiled "its fine... thanks for what you did back there"

"any time" he simply replied.

james got back in the car and dialled a number on his phone.

he spoke to sheriden. told her he might have a problem because of ryan. he didnt tell her what had happened. i guess she had been through so much, having her worry about james wouldnt help anything.

he said goodbye to sheriden then googled a few local garage numbers. he tried about 6. most laughed at him, who stocked maserati windscreens? but he did find one that could get one for tomorrow morning. by the sounds of it, it was not going to be cheap.

we got a tow to the same hilton that kendall and i had stayed at. we should of been half way to LA by now.  
james paid for a room each for us.  
i felt so awkward relying on people for money. usually i was very independant. i had to be to survive.

as i lay on my bed i still couldnt help feel happy. i didnt deserve any of this. i really wanted to give it my best shot.  
the door knocked.

"hey! this is going to sound odd but i need you to sit on the car" james flashed a smile at me.

i raised an eyebrow to him. he walked in my room.

"has this got your clothes in?"

i looked at james maslow very puzzled "yeah it does" i answered

james opened my bag and picked certain items out. could this get any weirder?

"right put that on, with those boots and i will meet you in the parking lot"

i laughed at the ridiculousness of the situation but nodded.  
james left and i got changed and went out to see what he was up to.

"why do i have to sit in the car?" i asked james.

"not in it paisley... on it. im going to put you on twitter"

"what?" i laughed at him.

he nodded in the direction of the car bonnet, so i climbed on. now i know why he wanted me to change. this was a publicity stunt. james took a few pictures before i could get off.  
he helped me down.

"very clever mr maslow" i laughed

"i know miss petrelli" he winked at me

"its not petrelli... it prince... paisley prince"

james cocked his head. prince didnt seem to irritate him as it had my agent madeleine.  
he tapped away at his phone for a bit then declared that it was all done.

"right young lady. we have got a job to do" and he ushered me away back in to the hotel.

james took me in to his hotel room. this made me nervous. i hardly knew they guy.

"how well do you know these songs"

he played a few seconds of each song he had picked out for me on his phone.

"um... hallelujah i know pretty much all the words to. the others just the chorus... maybe a bit more".

james smiled "good. sing hallelujah to me"

"now?" i asked

"ya. we only have a few days paisley and i need to know you know the song and can hit those notes... show me what you got"

"okay"

i sang james the song. he walked around the room. it put me off slightly.

he wasnt pleased the first time

"close your eyes, pretend im not here"

i tried again  
"that was better" he said after,

"now sing it with me, follow my pitch, you will notice that mine is slightly different to yours... learn from it"

i sang with james. his voice was perfect for this song. it blew me away. but i knew what he meant. i needed to give this my all. thats all james wanted.

he smiled "thats good... you need to get it out from here" he placed his hand on my stomach.

i tried again on my own. james raised his hand to help my voice hit the right note.

he smiled that smile at me. he was pleased  
"paisley your voice is really astounding" he beamed

"really"

"yes. its amazing, kendall was right... this song is going to be your make or break okay. its so powerful"

i sucked in a deep breath. i had butterflies in my tummy

"do you know nothing even matters?" james asked

"big time rush nothing even matters?" i asked

"ya"

"yeah i do... why?"

"because you will be singing it with us on saturday hopefully. i need to make a few calls but i want you in on it"

"its not a duet though? that wouldnt work"

"it can be broken down very easily...listen" james played the song on his iphone. he pointed at me on the lyrics that i would be singing.

listening to the song like that made it sound like it was destined to be a duet.

i was blown away again by james. he was intelligent beyond belief. i had so much respect for him right now.

james sent the songs to my iphone and ordered me to practice. he said we will continue in the car tomorrow.

i plodded back to my room so happy. i fet for once things couldnt get screwed up.

The night went by uneventful. James knocked on my door just after nine the following morning. The windscreen had just been replaced.  
James told me that when we got back to LA I would be put in to a different hotel from the last, just incase ryan showed up.  
And that I would definately be signing on the dotted line with his label directly we got back.  
As far as James was concerned he had heard enough that I wouldn't need to do any sample tracks in the studio.

I was beaming.

"I will be in the car when your ready paisley" James smiled " say goodbye to reno" he winked.

I did say good bye to reno. I hoped to god I would never return.

I walked out to James he took my bags from me and put them in the back.

"You ready" James smiled at me. I think he knew the feeling of excitement he had given me the gift of.

"I'm so ready" I grinned back.

Mostly on the drive to LA James helped me with the songs.  
I was to sing 4 songs in front of the 1500 guests of Sheridens charity gala.

"James you said before that kendall was right about my voice?... has he said anything else about me?" I think I hid my blushes fairly well.

James glanced at me with a huge grin.  
"He did say some thing about you telling him you were in love with him"

I couldn't contain any blushes after that.  
James laughed.

"Oh god. I don't know why I said it" I covered my face with my hands.

"Paisley don't worry about it. He likes you... a lot"

"Really, why hasn't he called since he found out I was meeting Ryan"

"You Hung up on the guy to meet that prick. What do you expect?"

"Yeah I guess. I didn't have a choice though... you saw my moms house"

James just nodded. Being a fully bred Californian he probably expects this from the wrong parts of reno.

"Really though paisley, he is quite taken by you. The thing about kendall is he falls in love fast and hard..." James looked at me as he reached a red light."kendall does stupid things when he is in love. I wouldn't want to see him get hurt"

"I don't want to hurt him James. I like him a lot" my voice was a whisper.

"Was it his idea to make me solo?" I added

"No that was me actually. I left kendall to look after sheriden for me... thanks by the way... for helping the other day. I was a mess"

"That's okay... did you say kendall is with sheriden?"

"Yeah I called her last night. They had a meeting with their lawyers to take kacey down then kendall was keeping an eye on her for me... she still isn't right"

"Oh so he changed his mind on staying away from her then? He seemed so adament the other day"

"He did try" he laughed "sheriden slapped some sense in to him"

"Did he stay the night?"  
James looked at me with a 'do I look dumb' glance.

"Sorry. He just is so... Hung up on her. I don't mean to be rude but I have trouble ever picturing that they get along let alone had a whirlwind romance"

James laughed "right!" He agreed.  
"I never understood it either. But they did and it was all very... emotional"

"Don't you find it hard to see them together? I mean just knowing kendall has been talking to her makes me feel insecure".

"No, I know sheriden inside out. And I know the hurt she suffered because of him"

"Yeah I guess... well I hope kendall will be pleased to see me"

James grinned again.  
"Right these songs... how are you doing? Make sure you don't over do it. Last thing you need is to lose your voice"

"I'm doing okay... I hope... your really amazing James. Thanks for your help"

James smiled  
" don't tell kendall you called me amazing... he has issues" he let out a deep laugh.

Our journey back was fun. James was very normal. His head firmly on his shoulders.  
He would think through everything he said very carefully before it left his mouth.

We were now minutes from his home, Where I was about to sign an actual record contract.

My excitement could not be contained.

"Paisley before you get out the car, I've noticed you haven't so much as glanced at your phone. Just so your aware kendall is inside" he gave me a smile.

"Thanks James... I'm not avoiding him, I'm just a bit scared"

"I doubt your as scared as he is right now... Go easy on him paisley"

I gave James a smile but my stomach was now in knots.

We went inside. Something smelled nice cooking. I was starving.  
Sheriden greeted me.

"Paisley, welcome. come on in" she hugged me " ... thankyou paisley. For doing what you did the other day. God knows what you must think of me"

I smiled at her. She looked well. But was wearing what must of been James' sweater. It was huge on her small frame.

"Kendall is cooking us Thai, you must be hungry"

"Yeah famished" my voice whispered out.

James took sheriden around the waist and looked her in the eye.  
"You okay" he asked.

"Now your home I am" sheriden replied.  
I don't know what James thought was intense with sheriden and kendall but watching those two was very uncomfortable.

"Kendall is just through there" sheriden said before she locked lips with James.

I walked through. Kendall was stood with his back to me.  
I gulped down the lump that was now in my throat.

"Hey stranger" I called

Kendall turned to look at me.  
"Hey! ... I'm making dinner. thai?"

"Thai is good" I replied.

I walked up to kendall to give him a hug.

He held me tightly.  
"Pais I missed you"

"I missed you more" I looked up to kendalls face.  
We stared at each other for a few seconds.  
Then his lips met mine. Beautiful soft lips. I slipped my tongue in his mouth, he met it with his own, He caressed it.

Kendalls arms still on my waist from the hug he had just given me. I moved my hands around his shoulders and got comfortable with our kiss.

My butterflys in my stomach felt insane.  
I don't think I ever wanted to part from kendalls soft slow kiss.

"Hmm hmmm" came a cough from behind us.  
Kendall broke his contact with me.  
I turned my head to see James and sheriden.  
James had his arm around her shoulders.

James smiled at me. I smiled back. Sheriden just looked. It must be hard for her to see but kendall let go of me slowly.

I kept my gaze on James. His smile made me feel safe.  
"Paisley would you like to look through your contract now?"

I looked up to kendall. He didn't look at me, he was too busy gawping at sheridens confused face.

"Sure" I said with a sigh  
James walked me through to a small room just off of his lounge. I suppose you would call it a den. It had a small office space inside it.

"Are you okay" James asked.

"Yeah its a bit weird. Are they always like that when they are together?"

James smiled " no I think they will probably hug it out then it will be normal"

"Are you okay with that?" I asked James.

"Paisley you have to remember that they lost a baby together and still try to be friends after a messy break up" James sat down.

"Yeah I know. Kendall is so messed up about it"

"They both are. Paisley, its going to take a while for them both to move on. It's been well over a year now and look what's happened"

"I don't get how you can be so understanding all the time?"

"easy... I love sheriden. I'm always going to be there for her. Good and bad"

I nodded."James... I do feel I love kendall, i wasnt just saying it. I'm just not sure I can fill Sheridens shoes for him"

"Don't fill her shoes pais. Be a new pair" James smiled.

"You wanna read this contract and sign your life away?"

"I sure do" I replied wiping away a stray tear.

I read through the 6 month contract which included 1 album and 2 singles. Plus free accomodation.

I was over the moon.

I hugged James .  
"Right shall we eat?" he said

"Definately" I agreed.

As we walked out from the den. The kitchen was quiet. James and I walked in to a disturbing sight of kendall and sheriden in the middle if what looked like an intimate kiss.

I stepped foreward from James ready to show my anger. But James grabbed my hand tightly before I could step foot in to the kitchen.  
He stared at me to wait.

We both stood there. Watching his girlfriend and my boyfriend to be kissing. Eyes shut, exchanging tongues. Very much ... kissing.

Kendall pulled away and rested his forehead on Sheridens.  
"I'm sorry" kendall said

"It's okay...im sorry too. for everything... james, the baby. but don't hurt her kendall"

Kendall smiled "I won't shoo I promise"

"James loves you more than I ever could shoo. Don't give him any more of your shit okay"

sheriden gave a small laugh"I promise"

They hugged, and James pulled me by my hand back to the den.

"Are you okay" he asked.

"Yeah that looked like..." I couldn't think of a word for what I had just seen.

"closure?..." James offered.

"was it? Shit are you okay? That must of been rough" I asked James

"I'm surprised its taken them so long. But in a way I'm glad I saw it" he replied

We both looked at eachother in silence

"Paisley could I ask you to maybe not mention that we saw ... that"

"um... Course, that's fine"

James walked out of the room loudly talking this time. I didn't listen to what he was saying. When we reached the kitchen this time sheriden was sat alone in a stool and kendall was dishing up dinner.

James pulled a chair out for me, I sat opposite sheriden.  
She smiled at me.  
" all signed up then?"

"Yes... its very exciting"

Kendall gave me a kiss on the cheek.  
"Told you she was amazing" he added

I smiled. So did James.

kendall had made us all a nice meal. i was so hungry. james didnt stop at all unless it was to use the toilet on the way back for reno.

my mind whirred with thoughts of kendall and i, and the thought of the kiss i had just witnessed. how the hell had that just happened. and james, oh my god he must have the patience of a saint to have put up with all this for so long.

as i found myself questioning if i was up to the challange of kendall as my boyfriend, he stood up.  
"would you like a lift back to your hotel?" he asked.

if my face hadn't given me away that i really didnt want to be sloppy seconds from sheriden lloyd tonite then my refusal was just about to.

"um.." i started.

"actually i need to go over a few things with paisley. i will drop her off if you dont mind" james cut in

"no thats fine" i said and smiled at kendall.

i said my goodbyes to both of them. james made sure that kendall was out of the door at the same time as us.

"paisley... that kiss. it was a one off. dont let it put you off okay"

"if your so sure of that why did you wait until kendall had left your house before you took me to the hotel?"

james sighed but added a chuckle.  
"ive got a funny feeling that sheriden will tell me all about it when i get home"

"and if she doesn't?" i asked.

"if she doesn't then ... im just going to let it go... it was a one off pais"

"james can i ask you something? ... its a bit weird but i dont know who else to ask"

james glanced at me, the night lights from the road flashed on his face as he drove the car.  
"sure... shoot"

"im not very... experienced when it comes to... you know... it. and kendall said he has only slept with 4 people. he seems a lot more, advanced than me."

"well i dont know about the only 4 girls thing, as far as im aware thats all he has under his belt. logan is more the one that gets the girls back after a show... that kind of thing, but ive not shared a bus with kendall since he got together with sheriden... it was weird before and its weirder now. and your only 19 paisley. he isnt expecting anything from you... just enjoy each other"

"your keen for him to be with me arent you?" i said

"i think it will do everyone good if he got a girl... he hasnt so much as looked at anyone since sheriden so you must have something he likes pais'"

i nodded.

"paisley... dont take this the wrong way but im going to send you off shopping tomorrow. your look is amazing but we need to diva you up a bit... my treat" james said.

"i have taken that slightly the wrong way" i laughed.

"right well here we are, they are expecting you, so just check yourself in. i will send some things over for you tomorrow... and i will need you in studio by 3. i will run through a stage set with you for saturday"

"thanks james. you run a much more oiled machine than i have experienced so far"

james smiled " we will make it work this time"

james got my bags out for me and i made my way in to the hotel room.


	33. Chapter 33

**Sheridens story**

"So your stuck with me for a while longer kendall. I'm honestly fine if you wanna leave" now James had phoned to clarify he was stuck in reno for the night I was awkwardly stuck with my ex boyfriend.

"No I promised him. He said you still get sick from the... it." Kendall argued.

"Well I'm not being funny kendall but what are we going to do?"

Kendall gave me the look that I once knew as the let's have sex look. He was joking of course. But I hit him and laughed.

"Just hang out shoo" he said in the end.

"How come you still call me shoo?" I asked him as I stretched out on the sofa.

"I'm not sure. Just habit. Would you prefer something else?" He seemed offended.

"No, just Carlos has always called me shoo, James I'm mostly Sheri now and logie I'm princess"

"Well I could just call you sheriden" he smiled.

"No, you only say that when I'm in trouble" I laughed " shoo is fine.

"Sheriden..." he smiled " the heroin... what was it like?"

"That's a dumb question kendall even for you"

"I'm curious thats all, did anyone tell you about me in new york?" Kendall asked matter of factly.

"James said you got high as a fucking kite, he never said what it was"

"It was Coke, done it a few times now ,Danny on the bus has it, that's where the heroin came from. It's not a habit or nothing though"

"Kendall it never starts off as a habit. Learn from my mistakes. And for christsake never tell James or Carlos that heroin came from Danny"

"Yeah I'm off everything but the fags now. You do a good scare tactic. I think it will haunt me forever what happened on that day"

"What did I look like when you found me?" I asked curious.

"Dead! You where so white, naked. Your face and hair was covered in sick..."

"Naked?... oh the towel?" I realised. Great another embarrassment .

"Yeah you must of had a seizure or something. Worst part is, last time I got to put my lips against yours and its to do mouth to mouth covered in puke"

I looked at kendall. He spoke in a jokey way but I could tell I had scarred him for life.

"I'm sorry kendall" I held his hand " thank you for saving my life"

"Shit shoo, let's stop talking bout this "

"Easy for you, I'm still trying to get my body better"

"Is that the shivering thing" kendall asked.

"Yeah, I've been sick a couple of times too"

"Well I got this you can have today, coz that shivering thing freaks me out" kendall took his sweater off and handed it to me.

I smiled and layed it over me as I sat on the L shaped sofa. It smelt of kendall. It was nice.

"It freaked Logan out too, so don't worry about it. Only shivers huh" I said

"Yeah I know, but ... well look at you" kendall waved a hand in my direction.

"What do you mean" I asked offended.

"Shoo I'm surprised James hasn't said anything... you have lost a load of weight. It's scary to see you so..small"

I took more offence. I knew I had lost a few pounds but I had been unwell.  
"James has mentioned it. He is making sure I get food in me even when he knows I can't stomach it"

"Sorry I just worry about you shoo... Sorry, I know you get funny bout your weight" kendall gave me a hug, leaning over from his place on the sofa

I smiled "least you care enough to say... your a good friend kendall. I would be lost without you"

"Yeah I know, you cat walk types are hard work. Honestly sheriden our lives would be dull if you weren't in them" kendall smiled, showing off the dimples that I used to adore so much.

"Har Har kendall, glad I keep you all so amused" came my sarcastic reply.

"Hey you know Logan fucked this girl on tour, she was..." I interrupted

"Yeah the girl with the... fetish?" I laughed.  
So did kendall.

"Oh my god, I've never heard anything like it. If I wasn't laughing so much I would of jumped on to the James and Carlos bus" he joked.

"Yeah James told me, why does he do it all the time, he must of had more girls than I've had hot dinners"

Kendall eyed my small frame as if to say even his small handfull of girls was more than hot dinners than I had ever had.

"I dunno, he likes it. They chuck themselves at him. What's a logie to do?" Kendall smiled at the memory of Logan and the demonic red head he had a one night stand with on the tour bus.

"Paisley asked me how many girls had I slept with. How many guys have you had?" Kendall had never talked like this with me before. I found it highly amusing.

"Too many kendall. I'm a lot older than you as I'm sure your mom has told you, and have lived a lot of life" kendall laughed.

" just say, cmon i won't tell amazing James"

"Amazing James already knows, and is at the top of my list on the best sex ever" I winked at him.

"That's below the belt shoo" kendall chuckled.

"I'm in the 300's put it that way" I was ashamed to say it out loud but a drinking habit, and cocaine addiction at a young age leads to a load of bad sex for a model.

"Fuck... I'm on 4" he laughed.

"I wish mine was 4, James has had more than me. That boy is too good looking for his own good, and I bet you 100 dollars that Logan has had over a thousand girls" I said.

"Carlos hasn't slept with many girls though has he?" Kendall seeked reassurance.

"No he is on 8 I think" I didn't really know.

"Have you ever... with Carlos?" Kendall asked sheepishly.

"Eurgh kendall no way"

Kendall laughed at me.  
"Sorry just checking" he smiled.

"So James said Logan will take over from baby sitting me at nine... I'm honestly okay to be left alone"

"Shoo stop trying to get rid of me. I'm not budging til anyone gets here... why Logan, I thought carlos was your keeper"

I frowned at kendall.  
"Carlos has been busy... he may of got himself a new lady friend"

"Really?... why am I always last to find these things out?"

"Well its only me and you that know now"

"Oh i see... you want a drink?" Kendall asked wiggling his empty tea cup at me.

"Yeah okay, I'll come out with you"

I followed kendall out to the kitchen.

"Can't believe you and James are going to live together..."

My stomach turned from getting up too fast from the sofa.

"...yeah I know. But we are so ready..."

"You alright?" Kendall asked me.

"Er yeah fine... just feel a bit sick again... I don't want any tea...now thanks"

Kendall just got the one cup out for him.

"You brits and your tea" he smiled"  
I smiled back but then had to run to the bathroom to be sick.

God when is this ever going to end I thought to myself. I could feel the cold setting in again now too.

Kendall knocked on the door after a few minutes.  
"Sheriden you okay in there? I've got a glass of water for you" I could hear him call through the door.  
I splashed my face with water. Looking at myself in the mirror I looked so rough.

I was such an idiot. How the fuck had I got myself in to such a mess.

Kendall walked in.  
"Hey... you all good now?" He said in a sympathetic voice.

"Yeah think so" I walked back in the lounge and put kendalls sweater on.

He smiled and sat down next to me channel surfing untill he settled on watching old friends re runs.

"I'm a total loser aren't I" I shook my head as I spoke.

"You don't think that's all, your like me, the first big idea that strikes you, you go for without thinking about the aftermath"

I nodded, kendall was right about that.  
I layed my head on his lap and pulled my legs up to my chest trying to make the sickness ease off.

I must of fallen to sleep, the next thing I knew my cell was ringing and a light tap came at the door.

I got up from kendalls lap to answer it.

"Hey princess, I'm so sorry I'm late"

It was Logan. The time read almost half ten.

I yawned at him  
"It's okay I was asleep anyway"  
I made my way back over to my spot on the sofa and rested my head back on kendalls lap.

Logan made himself at home and the three of us watched the friends marathon untill about one.

"Right missy Lloyd. It's your bed time" Logan announced.

I laughed at Logan, but I didn't argue hopefully I would feel better by morning.

I took kendalls sweater off and handed it back to him, but he left it on the sofa saying something about save it for tomorrow when he is back to relieve Logan from night duty.

Kendall left giving me a pat on the head. Which I found funny.  
Logan being the comedy genious that he is brought round some old fashioned night hats. He made me wear one while he donned the other and took a picture of us both .  
He sent it to Twitter with the caption "sleepover at sheridenlloyds"

Logan made himself comfy on the sofa and I got tucked in to bed.  
I was so lucky to have these guys as my family.

I woke up the next morning about 8, I called James... I missed him so much. We had spent so much time together recently it felt wrong to not have him about.  
He was in good spirits as always. He teased me about my hat that Logan made me wear and said the windscreen will be fixed soon, so he should be back around 4 ish, and could I please sort out a contract for paisley.

That was all fine. Logan tried to entice me round to my own house but I didn't want to go out just yet, especially there.

Besides I had another meeting with my lawyer and kendalls today about kacey which was handy if James wanted a quicky contract whipped up for paisley.

The day seemed to fly by. Logan left as kendall and his legal entourage turned up.  
He was taking this kacey thing very seriously. But all was going according to plan.  
Kendall drew out paisleys contract.  
6 months .then an opportunity to re sign after depending on how well it goes.

Kendall had brought with him the ingrediants to a Thai meal. I watched as he busied his way through James' kitchen preparing everything. Kendall was famous for his Thai.

"So are you a bit nervous about seeing paisley after she said she loves you?" I asked kendall as he mixed things in James' bowls.

"No not really... are you?"

"Huh? Why would I be nervous?" I asked him as I walked out to the lounge to pick kendall sweater up. The chills had begun again.

"Well you tend to slip back in to your British accent when you ask a question you have obviously taken the rare opportunity to think over" he smiled.

I smiled back. I wasn't aware of this fact.  
"Okay you caught me, it will be weird seeing you with someone, but you deal with me and James so I'm sure it will be fine... least paisley isn't blonde, it won't bring back those shitty memories"

"I will regret that blonde for the rest of my life sheriden" he gave me a small smile then returned to his food preperations.

"I regret a lot of things I've done kendall so don't worry about it... we are both still here having a good time together. Friends"

Kendall turned and smiled, I got busy putting his sweater on. Then text James that dinner was on kendall this eve and that paisleys contract was ready to sign.

Fox started barking so I knew James had just pulled up. I peaked through the window making sure the car was in tact... it was.

James and paisley walked in. I thanked her for her efforts in my bathroom drama the other day and told her kendall was in the kitchen. She walked through.

James held me by my waist. I kissed him. I had missed him so much. He smelt incredible.  
He did his usual of checking I was okay.

"Paisleys contract is on your desk ready to go, it has everything you said tied in to it"

"Brilliant, thanks Sheri. You and kendall friends again?" He asked.

"Yeah its been nice actually. Was weird at first but had a few good chats... cleared the air"

"Good, right let's get paisley all signed up. I think I'm more excited than she is" James grinned and slung his arm round my shoulder.  
"What's this?" He smiled pulling up the fabric of kendalls sweater that I still had on.

"Oh its his" I nodded toward the kitchen "I still had the shakes but they aren't as bad now"

"Good" James winked and we walked out to the kitchen.

Wow. Sprang to mind when I saw paisley and kendall kissing.  
Kendall looked very in control of everything. Little pangs of jelousy hit my heart.

I could feel my eyes widen. I wanted them to stop. I didn't like seeing it, and I felt so bad that kendall had silently put up with James and I all this time.

James gave a cough and invited paisley to sign the contract.

Kendall just stared at me for several seconds.  
I didn't know what to say.

"Hug?" He finally said

I walked up to kendall and fell in to his arms. This was the moment both of us had needed since I got with James. Finally an even balance.

"I'm sorry for everything that went wrong" he said and kissed the top of my head.

"Don't fuck it up with her kendall" I looked him in the eye.

"I won't shoo... no regrets from now on"

"Regrets are shit" I said as kendall rested his forehead on mine.  
What went through my head next was odd. But I kissed kendall on the lips. Least our last kiss wasn't me lifeless and covered in sick.  
I parted from him but only to be met by his lips again.  
My heart ached away for the loss of our love, our life and our baby.  
It was more intimate than I would of liked but I knew I could finally move on after this.  
Leave the whole kendall, sheriden saga behind.  
Kendall pulled away and rested on my forehead again.

"I'm Sorry" kendall said.

"It's okay... I'm sorry too, for James , the baby. Don't hurt her kendall"

"I won't shoo I promise, James loves you more than I ever could shoo. Don't give him any more of your shit okay"

I laughed at him." I promise" I. said and gave kendall another hug.

" you ready to let go" I asked, not meaning the hug but more our past.

"I think I'm almost ready yeah. But I will love you to the ends of the earth sheriden. I will always want to be a daddy to our baby... but I will settle to be an uncle for you and James one day"  
He laughed.

"I would like that" I whispered.

"Sheriden I'm happy that you are that beautiful, you have had over 300 guys yet you still fell in love with me" he smiled.

I smiled back at him.  
"When it was good it was amazing" I added."paisley is in for some fun times".  
I let go of kendall and sat back in my usual seat at the oversized breakfast bar.

I ate a load of kendalls Thai. I think smelling it cook for most of the afternoon had adapted my stomach.

James annoyed me slightly, he offered to take paisley to her hotel robbing kendall of his chance to be alone with her.

As kendall went out the door he gave me a wink. James and paisley left shortly after.

I let out a deep sigh... alone at last.  
And I felt so much better.  
I felt all the problems I did have had some how vanished.

I showered and dug out some of my sexy lingerie. James must be wanting it so bad. I think this must of been the longest we had spent in the same zip code and not had sex.  
But I felt ready now. I wanted to please him.

I layed my lingerie out on the bed and dried my self with the towel.

Once ready I put the brazier on... it didn't fit, it was so big on me.  
I couldn't understand it.  
I put the underwear on and it looked so baggy and awful.

I rummaged for another set but it was a similar story.  
I looked in james' full length mirror at my self naked.  
I was shocked. How had I honestly not seen this before.  
Kendall was right. I looked terrible. James would be disgusted at my boney body.

I put my dressing robe on and sat on the edge of the bed.  
I looked at my reflection in the mirror and burst in to tears.

James walked in. Took one look at my face then sat down next to me and held my hand.

"What's up Sheri? You were fine a minute ago"

"Nothing it doesnt matter, I've just realised how stupid I've been"

"You wanna talk about it" he asked.

"No ... oh god I'm disgusting, how can you even look at me"

James chuckled and wrapped an arm around me and gave me a squeeze.  
"Sheriden your not disgusting. It was only a kiss..."

"What?" I asked confused.

"I saw you both having your little... moment"  
Fear filled my airways with James words.

"What do you mean" I asked.

James gave me a small smile which i interpreted as forgiveness.  
"Kendall kissing you" he simply replied.

"Jesus James. That wasn't what you... fuck I have no clue what I was thinking... I'm sorry".

James looked a bit confused. He didnt get the confused look very often because he was so calculated.

"I thought that's what you meant you were a disgusting person for... its only a kiss" James gave me a squeeze again.

"No I meant my body James" I whispered.

"What? Sheriden don't do this!" James was annoyed that I had found yet another problem to battle against.

I started to cry again "I was going to surprise you..." my sobs cut in to my explanation."but I...I look awful James".

James rolled his eyes then clocked my lingerie on the bed.  
"Let's see the damage" he smiled and tugged at my robe.

But I wrapped my arms tight around myself.  
"I can't" I cried.

"Sheriden, you will be back to normal in no time. You know I wouldn't allow you to stay like this... let me be the judge on wether I can bare to look at your body" his tone was sarcastic, again not something I was used to from James.

He kissed my neck... it was my favorite place... a smile cracked on my face. James attempted again to pull at my robe.  
He succeeded with only a small struggle from me.  
He pulled the robe from my shoulders and worked his kisses down.  
His hands were warm.

James gently lay me down on the bed. He de robed me completly.  
If he was shocked at my skinnyness then he hid it well.

"Love you Lloyd" he whispered.  
I smiled at him and he stood up from the bed and undressed. He walked out to the bathroom, I took this as my opportunity to cover up, I got a night shirt out from my drawer and quickly pulled it on.

James walked back in the room, he tutted at me then pulled me in to his arms.

"I've missed us so much" he said. His voice was husky.

I wrapped my arms around James neck and kissed him.  
I could taste the mint on his breath from him just brushing his teeth in the bathroom.

I had missed me and James so much too.  
The Passion, the last few days had been so sensible, so caring. But I missed James' Passion.

Our kisses were hard and fast. I wanted James maslow desperately.  
James picked me up, his hands on my thighs and slipped him self inside me.

It felt immense. Our kissing just got more erratic, as did our breathing.  
James backed me up against his bedroom wall. I couldn't really call this making love. James was fucking me. Fucking me so hard.  
I moaned out in pleasure. I hadn't felt so at ease in so long.  
James Definately was well over due a sex session. I had never felt him so hard inside me.  
He went so deep it almost hurt but I loved it. Loved every second.  
The passion that James oozed in the bedroom was nothing I had experienced before.  
I always put it down to him just being naturally good at everything but I thought then it was because we loved each other so much.

I screamed out his name as I came.  
James loved it. My appreciation was welcomed by him and his sexy smile.  
He climaxed soon after then layed me on our bed, and flopped down beside me to catch his breath.

He laughed "oh my god... I needed that".

I smiled at him as I rolled over in to his arms.

I circled my fingers over his chest, watching his breathing gradually slow.

"So... this kiss with kendall..." James asked

I sighed. I had forgotton about that since we got lost in the moment.  
"I don't know what to say apart from sorry... for me it was farewell" I sighed again.

"I know it was farewell Sheri. Kendall made sure he got the most out of it" James chuckled.

I smiled " yes he did... but I owed him that in a way"

"How come?" James asked.

"He said he was upset that the last time he would ever kiss me I was half dead and covered in sick"

James sighed at the memory of the day in my bathroom.  
He changed the subject.  
"If you feel up to it tomorrow would you like to go shopping?"

"I would actually... what are you after?" I asked.

"It's not for me, paisley needs a new wardrobe. I promised I would treat her"

"You want me to go out for the first time since... shopping with paisley?" I asked astonished.

"Yep... it will do you good" James replied.

"Okay... but I'm taking bobby with me. I'm not up to dealing with paps yet and paisley wouldn't have a clue" my reasoning bargain was bobby. Bobby is just shy of 6ft 6' and built like a house. He has been my on off security measure for many years.

"Bobby it is" James said happily.

"Sheriden... why do you always say you won't marry me" James added out of the blue.

I turned on to my stomach and looked James in the eye.

"I get scared I guess. Why change what works..."

"So if I did ever ask you, would you refuse?" James' eyes searched my own for a clue.

"I guess we won't know untill that day arrives" I smirked at him.

"Sheriden?" James said with a smirk to match my own "will you marry me?"

I laughed and shook my head to say no. Then climbed on him, my legs straddled over his still naked waist.

"Love you maslow" I whispered.  
He smiled his American smile at me.


	34. Chapter 34

**Paisleys story**

I had a good nights sleep in my hotel room last night.  
Kendall woke me up with a text message. It read ' I will see you at studio later. Dinner tonight? Xxx.'

I was still miffed about him and sheridens kissing last night but they had there reasons I guess. I replied, my good mood giving me courage to send a flirty text.  
"Can't wait for studio, and just dinner Mr Schmidt? Xx"

He replied to that with " what happened to slow is good? hahahahaha xxx"

I got my self ready, I wondered what James was sending over for me.  
The door knocked before too long and I answered it to sheriden Lloyd and quite possibly the largest man I had ever seen in my life.

"Hi, come in" I said to sheriden and her giant. He had to duck to walk in through the door.

"Morning paisley, James has asked me to give you these" she handed me a brown envelope."and I was wondering if I could tag along shopping with you?"

"Um... sure that would be great..." oh god. This was awful. I didn't want to be near sheriden today. Let alone go shopping with her... her fashion was probably a lot more expensive than mine ever could be.  
Looking at her now she wore a maxi dress with a denim jacket. It was casual but she rocked it. I expect the dress cost more than the entire contents of my life.

"Oh this is bobby by the way. His fashion sense is second to none" sheriden grinned at bobby the giant.  
Bobby wore a tshirt that could be used as a bed sheet and cargo pants.

I looked at bobby and he laughed a deep booming laugh. This made me laugh too.

I opened up the envelope that was from James.  
Inside was 200 dollars cash, a credit card with the record label name on it, and a set of keys.

I was blown away by the kindness of James maslow.

"The cash is to tide you over for living, food etc. The credit card is for you to go mad on today shopping, and the keys are a thank you gift from James and I for doing what you did the other day" sheriden said.

I held the keys out, it had a BMW motif on the fob.

"Oh my... sheriden I can't accept all this"

"You have to" she smiled "it was in the contract you signed yesterday... you should always read the small print paisley. Your car won't be here untill tomorrow morning but I think you will like it"

"Thankyou... both, so much" I whispered out.

She smiled at me "Well I have a limo waiting down stairs. So whenever you are ready..."

"I'll just grab my bag" I said.

"Oh paisley I would recommend sun glasses. Today will be a bit odd for both of us, you don't want to look like a rabbit caught in the headlights" again sheriden smiled at me.

I nodded and popped my sunglasses on my face as we left my hotel room.

Good news travelled quick in LA. Photographers snapped away at sheriden the minute we left the hotel.  
I immediately understood why bobby had been invited shopping with us.  
Not many people would agree but I felt sheriden was a good person to learn the fame game from.

Once we hit the shops I found it hard to buy anything knowing it wasn't my money on the credit card.  
Sheriden however grabbed a load of size 6 for me off the rails and basically forced me up to pay.  
She was very friendly, not the sheriden I had known before all the crap had happened.

We went in to the most expensive shops I had ever seen.  
If I so much as glanced at anything that took my fancy then sheriden would have it taken up to the counter for me.  
I felt like a complete super star. I loved it.

Sheriden took me to lunch. We sat together but bobby had his own table next door to us. His presence warned off any one that dared to approach sheriden.

"Bloody paparazzi" sheriden said.

They had followed us pretty much everywhere today.

"Least you have bobby" I smiled.

"Yes, bobby has been around for a while" she laughed.

"So... you and kendall huh" she added.

I blushed, I really didn't want to talk about kendall after seeing sheriden with her tongue down his throat last night.  
"Fingers crossed" was the only suited reply I could think of.

"He is in love with you paisley" sheriden said.  
I almost choked on my food

She smiled at me.  
"I'm not so sure of that" I practically coughed out at her.

She tilted her head and smirked, she reminded me of James... they must spend far too much time together.

"Well we best get going soon, studio at three... James is going to work you hard" sheriden winked at me.

We finished our food and made our way to the limosine.  
It took us about 45 minutes to get to the studio.

I wondered what james was going to make me do.

Walking in I was greeted by James, he introduced me properly to Carlos pena. Logan was also there, and kendall finally greeted me with a shy dimpled grin and a kiss on the cheek.

"Pais what's the largest number you have perfomed in front of?" James asked me.

"Um...about 250 i think" I answered.

"Right so how do you feel about singing infront of 1500 people? Most being fairly famous"

"Scared" I replied.

"Scared is normal, all of us still get nervous before a show, especially kendall" James said, I looked at kendall and he gave me a smile.

"Right I want you to get on that stage and sing hallaloujah to us. The Mic is on" James looked up to the rehersal stage.

I gulped down the lump that was in my throat.

"James..." I whispered.

James smiled at me.  
"Go on its good warm up"

I got on the stage and took the Mic.  
James sat down at the piano that was in the room and started playing the intro.

I sang... I sang just as James had told me to in the hotel. It sounded so much more powerful with the Mic.

I had a round of applause from everyone which made me blush but I felt I did my self proud.

Over the next hour James had me work my stage presence. It was fun. I enjoyed wanting to look at ease up there and he was pleased with how I came across.

"Right, nothing even matters?" James announced.

Shit! He had managed to talk whoever was in charge of big time rush in to letting me sing with them.  
This scared me to death.

"Did you learn the parts I told you to?" James asked.

I nodded.  
"Brilliant, well when you have finished song number three you will introduce us in, and sit down on the edge of the stage, we will join you down there. Just before you get to the end we talked about don't forget to stand up. Kendall will stand with you and you will both finish the song with the big ending".

Oh my god I was so nervous. James had practically given me all his parts at the end, and I sang every other line in the rest of the song.  
The song was easy to split up because there was so much in it. james had totally rearranged the song.

I nodded again to James.  
"Paisley... you alright? He checked.

"Yeah I'm terrified" I laughed.

I introduced them and sat down, Logan sat next to me one side with Carlos and kendall the other with James on his end.

The music began and Logan started off.

as the song got to the end I stood up sheriden stopped the music.

"Paisley you need more space, It didn't look very graceful".she said.

The boys spaced out a bit but James didn't like it.

"No kendall you get up first then hold your hand out for paisley. Paisley just swoop your legs round and your up"he said.

We all agreed and tried again.  
It worked.  
James liked it that kendall and I stayed holding hands. He asked us to keep that for the real thing, I didn't mind that. I think kendall didn't let go of my hand because he could feel how bad I was shaking with nerves.

After I got through 4 hours of practice James was confident that I stole the stage.

"Well done paisley. Brilliant absolutly brilliant".

I was told to come back tomorrow for one last run and I was going somewhere with sheriden called Evans I think, before the actual gala on Saturday.

I met up with kendall after my rehersal, fully aware of all the pairs of eyes that we had on us.

Kendall smiled " you were amazing"he said to me and kissed me on the lips.

I smiled at him " still want dinner?" I asked.

"Yep sounds good... fancy a take out round mine...?Kendall asked.

I eyed him, wondering if I had got myself in to a sticky situation with my flirty text this morning.

"Pais..." he pulled me in to his arms."its just food" he chuckled.

I smiled at him and got caught in the moment. We ended up having a rather raunchy kiss. But i think I stepped it up a bit so sheriden could see whatever she could do... I could do better.

I could hear wolf whistles coming from Logan.  
I turned to see him and James grinning at me, sheriden had her back to us talking to Carlos.

"See you later guys" kendall shouted out to the others, I gave a small wave and we left hand in hand.  
I got in kendalls familiar car. He carried out all my shopping for me.

"You went with sheriden then?" He laughed.

"Kendall... are you and sheriden... you know, Definately over?" I asked him, it was now or never.

Kendall smiled.  
"I'm glad your asking" he said.

"What? Why would you be glad I'm asking that?" I felt annoyed at him.

"I saw you in the reflection yesterday... after I kissed her. So I'm glad you are asking instead of just ignoring it... but yes we will never be doing anything like that again"

Okay I wasn't expecting that!  
"So... what you fancy for dinner?" I asked him.

He laughed." Is that it?"

I looked at him"kendall I really like you, it was crap to see you do that ten minutes after I had kissed you myself but James talked me round. I do really like you" I said.

"You said the other day you loved me?" He smiled.

I blushed."I got caught in the moment... it seems to be going around at the moment" my voice was sour.

Kendall nodded and started the car.  
We headed to his house. It was a lot tidier than the first time I had been round.

After we ate dinner I felt a bit awkward. I wasn't sure what kendall expected of me.

"Pais' do you wanna stay over. Just slow still" he added on the end.

"Why is going slow so important to you now kendall?" I asked bemused.

"Because everyone keeps telling me how I fuck things up by rushing in to things" he blurted it out.

"Okay... but what feels right to you in here" I tapped his chest.

Kendall thought for a moment. His answer he gave me made my insides melt.  
"Everything about you feels right in here pais".

I kissed him.  
We spent a long time kissing. Kendall caressed my breasts. He really did like big boobs. But he still insisted in taking things slow.

I was happy with that even if it was all backwards.

I did stay the night though. I loved being with him. He really was the male version of me.

We layed in his bed knowing full well that sex wasn't an option. I think that's maybe why he liked the go slow scenario so much. It made it so much harder to resist each other.  
But we talked about everything and anything. And kissed a lot.  
I loved it all. He was so caring.

I really did love him, but I wasn't going to say it again.

I fell asleep but got woken up by a loud banging.  
Whoever it was really wanted kendalls attention.

Kendall woke up and looked at me.  
The time read 2:30 am.

"Who the fuck is that" kendall said, his voice gorgeous and husky from his sleep.

He got up and chucked a tee shirt on and some shorts.

"Hey wait!" I whispered "what if its Ryan?"

Kendall rolled his eyes and muttered something about can't maslow sort anything out, so I presumed James had told kendall about his run in with Ryan .  
Kendall made his way down the stairs, I stayed in his bedroom with my head out the door listening.

"Your fucking kidding me" I heard kendall say. I grabbed my phone ready to dial 911, but kendall opened up his door.  
I poked my head further out the bedroom door.  
I could make out a dark haired girl sat on kendalls step. Her back towards me.

"What the fuck do you want?" Kendall greeted her with.

"I'm... so... sorry...!" The slurred out cries came.

"I've got absolutly nothing to say to you" kendall told the girl.  
My mind boggled, who was it?  
It wasn't sheriden, and she was the only girl I had ever seen in a 10foot radius of kendall.  
I think sheriden liked it that way. I felt special that I was being welcomed in to the btr fold.

Right fuck it paisley, I thought to myself. You march down those stairs, grab kendall and give that slut her marching orders.  
I chucked on one of kendalls tee shirts to cover myself up. I was only wearing underwear.

As I got down stairs kendall was mostly out side he held the door near on shut behind him, I could hear him talking to the girl.

My blood boiled, I was buggered if something else was going to try and take my kendall from me.

I patted my hair down, opened the door and said " who is it baby?" As i put an arm around kendalls waist.

As the girl turned around, anger filled every bone in my body... kacey delta.  
I lunged myself at her but kendall grabbed me.  
Kacey stood up in defence and tried to have a pop back at me, but kendall stood inbetween us both.

"You ruined my fucking life. you Bitch kacey. I lost everything because of you" I screamed at her.

Kacey didn't say anything. She was drunk, and dressed like she had just come from a night club.

I spat in her face. She laughed at me.

"Why is that Bitch here?" I said to kendall through gritted teeth.

Kacey just sat back down on the step.

Kendall had to force me back inside his house.  
"She wants sheriden to drop her case..." he said.

"So why is she here?" I hissed.

"Because she doesn't want to cause sheriden any more problems"

"Problems... fucking problems, sheriden almost died because of that stupid Bitch".

"Yes I know..." kendall agreed.

"So why is she still sat on your doorstep" I asked, my arms crossed.

"She is going to lose everything... her house, her car, her parents house. Practically everything her family have."

"She should of thought of that before"

"Calm down pais okay" he held both my looked me in the eye.

I took a deep breath."phone James" I said.

Kendall took a deep breath too. I thought that this was the only idea he had come up with also.

"I will phone him" he said.  
I handed kendall my iPhone that was still very tightly gripped in my hand.

Kendall let the phone ring out but no answer.  
"He is asleep" kendall concluded.

"Give me the fucking phone"  
I rang James' number again.

"Paisley? What's the matter?" A sleepy sounding James answered.

"Hi, I'm at kendalls and something has just come up... or rather some one"  
I explained to James what was going on and what kacey wanted, and... well to be honest I was very fair. I felt that out of all of us James had the right above any of us to tell sheriden that kacey wanted forgiveness. And it should be left up to him to decide to give it.

James went silent down the phone.

"Okay pais." He said eventually "Thank you for letting me know. Give me a few minutes okay"

The line went dead and I told kendall that James was on his way.

Kendall relayed this information to kacey. She was so drunk. I really didn't think it was a good idea for James to come round now. I hope he wouldn't wake sheriden up.

Kendall closed his door and sat with me on his black leather sofa.

We waited inside for about 20 minutes with still no sign of James. Kacey was still sat on the step. Kendall wouldn't let her in the house.  
Then finally we saw the reflection of car lights pull in to kendalls drive.

I got up and looked through the window.  
"Kendall look" I said, kendall got up and came over to the window where I stood.  
It wasnt James' car it was the police.  
James must of thought it over and decided he had no forgiveness for kacey. Almost losing sheriden was too much for him.

Kacey didn't go quietly. She knew she was going to get in to more shit now having tried to talk kendall round after court proceedings had begun.

I got a text from James about 5 minutes after the police had arrived. It read " you gave kacey the option she never gave any of us. She doesn't deserve to be heard out. As far as sheriden and I are concerned kacey delta isn't losing enough."

I wondered if James did talk it through with sheriden or just hates kacey enough on his own for the problems she caused, to decide that.

It was almost 4 in the morning after the police left, I was wide awake.

"Breakfast?" Kendall asked.

"No im too wound up to eat" I confessed.

Kendall thought for a moment before speaking.

"So I know what's good for relaxing..." kendall said in the end. He had a grin on his face.

"What's that then?" I asked,

"Swimming... I got a pool out back". He kept his grin.

"Swimming at 4 in the morning?" It actually sounded good..."I dont have a bikini or anything"

"I know" kendalls grin widened and he started taking his tee shirt off and began walking towards the door leading to his back garden.  
I followed in amusement.

Kendall opened the doors up and stepped out in to the warm LA air. His shorts came off and he dived naked in to his pool.

"Cmon pais. You love swimming"

Yes I loved swimming but naked swimming was something else... maybe I was too boring.  
I wondered if him a sheriden would often skinny dip in kendalls pool when they had been together.

That made my mind up, I slowly lifted up kendalls tee shirt exposing my naked breasts.  
Kendalls face was a picture. I had never been so glad that I got my boob job done.  
I slipped my underwear down and jumped in the pool.

The water was freezing.

"Oh my god" I screamed as I came up for air.  
Kendall laughed at me, the water not bothering him.

"Sorry the heater hasn't been on for months because I was on the road"

I swam up and wrapped my arms around kendalls shoulders.

His body was so warm.  
"You tricked me" I scolded him with my sad face.

He chuckled at me, showing the gorgeous dimples on his face that I was falling more and more in love with everyday.  
"I'm sorry... baby" he said still smiling, it took me a while to get the joke, but then I remembered me grabbing his waist and calling him baby when kacey sat on the doorstep.  
I blushed but it was probably too dark for him to notice.  
"Well... you are my baby... kind of" I defended my actions.

Kendall kissed me " so your kind of mine and I'm kind of yours?" He whispered.

"I think I would like that" I smiled back at him.

"Cool... so paisley prince.. your my girlfriend" he listened to the sound of his words. He smiled.

"Oh my fucking god... kendall schmidt is my boyfriend" I screamed out a laugh. My imaginary ticks against my claims to fame just went insane.

I very much liked how that sounded.

I kissed him and pushed my naked body up against him.  
Kendall liked this.

"Does this mean the slow rule has gone now?" I asked breaking away from kendalls lips.

Kendall smiled " no its still in place" he said.

I found this hard to believe seeing as we clung on to each other completly naked in a swimming pool. But I think kendall wanted to take things slow more for his sake than mine.

I was happy with that.  
After we had messed around in the pool and coming close to breaking the slow rule, we got out of the water.  
Any tension that I did have from kaceys visit had definately all gone now.

After I got out the shower I had a rummage through all the clothes sheriden had helped me choose.

I wondered how much was on the credit card. All these clothes easily maxed up to about 4 thousand dollars.

I picked out a pretty floral dress. It was mostly white, my dark Italian skin looked good against it.

I towel dried my hair, I would usually straighten the life out of it but it once dry it would show a natural wave.

I walked out to kendalls kitchen.  
He complimented on my dress  
"You free today until the studio?" Kendall asked as he poured me out a coffee.

"Yeah kind of... James and sheriden bought me a car, its being delivered to the hotel today. Im kind of excited, its a BMW" I boasted.

Kendall laughed " so I've heard" he smiled " I will drive you round and you can take me for a spin if you like"

"I do like" I smiled back.

Kendall and I had ran through the gala routine with me quickly. Gave me tips on how to calm my nerves and even some helpful talking points when meeting new people.

He did promise to try and stay by my side as much as he could.

We got up to my hotel room just after 10am I was feeling tired by this time. The early start to the day was catching up with me.

I yawned."why don't you chill out on the bed pais" kendall. said to me.

"Do you mind? I feel bad dragging you round here then just going to sleep"

"Nope I don't mind, I feel shattered to" he confessed.

We both lay on my hotel bed, I didn't bother to get undressed but kendall folded a blanket over me.

He layed down next to me smiling.  
"What are you grinning at kendall?" I yawned at him.

"I'm not grinning, I'm smiling" he corrected me

"Well why are you smiling at me then" I asked again.

"Because your beautiful" he said simply.  
I would of blushed but I was too tired, I pulled the blanket over kendall too and snuggled in to him. He wrapped his arms around me.

I'm not sure how fast I fell asleep but I woke up feeling ready to go. The excitement of my new car filled my stomach with butterflies.

I looked at kendall fast asleep. He was so handsome.  
I smoothed his hair down away from his face and kissed him, his eyes opened up.

"Hey" I greeted him with and kissed him again.

"Hey" he replied. His voice dry and sexy sounding.

He pulled me down for another kiss. This time it was seductive. His hands felt there way under my dress and along my thighs.  
I really wanted more from him this time. I felt ready to chuck the slow rule out of our lives.

Kendall remained attatched to my lips but pulled my dress up at the same time,his kisses only leaving me briefly to get the dress over my head.

His hands moved there way around my naked body.

I remained kissing him, and allowing him to touch me for several minutes.  
I wasn't sure if he wanted the slow rule still in place or not, i was in two minds wether to try and undress him.

I ran my fingers down his top, then slipped my hand inside it, feeling the warmth of his chest.

Running my fingers over his abs and playfully caressing his nipples.

We still kissed slowly. Kendalls tongue teasing my own. Making me want more.

I think he wanted more. I moved my hand down his chest to the button on his pants. With a quick flip of my finger it came undone.

He knew what was being offered on the table now, and he hadnt tried to stop me as yet so I carried on.

I was so turned on.  
My hand made its way down kendalls pants. I felt his hardness in my palm. A smile cracked on my face at the thought of what was to come. Kendall must of felt the smile on my lips, I opened my eyes to catch a glimpse of his beautiful green ones smiling back at me.

That was it. That was my green light to say paisley let's fuck.  
I was so ready for him to please me again.

I pulled my kisses away from him and pulled his trousers from him.  
My heart pounded in my chest.

Kendall was still busy caressing me with his hands. He savoured every touch like it was his last day on earth.

I sat myself on top of him, my legs straddled either side of his waist. He wasnt inside me yet.  
He felt my breasts in his hands.

I leaned down and kissed him, biting his lip playfully. I could feel his tip so close to me now i had moved position. My body ached away. My heart beat thundered with adrenaline.

I was just about to move my body back down so he could place himself inside me when the door knocked.  
Kendall gave out a small laugh, where as I groaned and leaned my head on his chest.

Flaming typical!

I got off kendalls sexy body and grabbed my dressing gown from the chair it had been draped over from my first nights stay here.

I made sure I was all covered up before answering the door.

"Good morning pais'" came James' cheery voice.

"Hi" I greeted him coolley. I was pissed off with James maslows really bad timing.

"What's wrong?" He asked at my annoyed expression on my face.  
I gave a quick look behind to check kendall was decent, which he was. He had his pants back on at least.  
Then swung the door open so james could see what I was annoyed with him about.

"Oh" he said then let out a small chuckle.

"come in" I said finally.

"Sorry I didn't realise you two... were... er... ya. so I got the car, the slips are here she is ready to go"

James handed me the cars paper work.

"It's on level 3... Well I will leave you two... to it" he chuckled again.

"Hey wait, dont you want to join us for a spin James" I asked.

"Na. thanks anyway, besides I wouldnt fit in" James smiled at me "have fun paisley, see you at 3 in the studio" he waved at kendall who gave James a smirk then saw himself out.

"Kendall what kind of car is it if James wouldn't fit inside" my body felt excited but it couldnt move.

Kendall grinned ."what, and ruin the look on your face, let's go and find it shall we?"

After getting dressed as quickly as I possibly could we finally got to level 3 of the hotel parking lot. It was underground and not very well lit, kendall knew what he was looking for but he wouldnt give me any hints to even a colour.

" just click the key fob, you will see the lights flash when it unlocks" he kept saying.

I was clicking away but nothing, untill at last I heard the click of something unlock. It was to the side. I grabbed kendalls hand and dragged him with me as I weaved through two rows of parked cars.

I clicked the fob again and saw the Orange lights flash up on the car in front of me.

I couldnt believe my eyes

"It's a Z4" kendall said from next to me.  
I'm glad he did because I honestly had never seen such a beautiful car.  
It was gleaming, a silver convertible brand new car.

This was not at all what I was expecting. I can't believe sheriden and james would buy something this flash for me, all I did was phone for an ambulance.

"Jesus christ kendall. That car must be worth forty thousand dollars" I gasped out at him.

"I think more 60" he said with a smile.

I looked at him with astonished eyes.

"I cant keep this. They must be insane..." my mouth fell open.

"Sure you can, sheriden has more money than sense, you can't put a price on her life as far as James is concerned... but you can shake a fancy car at it". He said, his voice so much calmer than mine.

We got in the car. It was like a surreal dream.

"What did they give you then?" I asked. Kendall Definately did save sheridens life.

Kendall smiled at me "I will tell you soon... come on start her up" he said excitedly.

I did. I felt like a star.


	35. Chapter 35

**sheridens story  
**  
Paisley was doing well up on the stage.  
James was incredible too, I had never seen him so set on making something gel together. He wanted this to work out so bad for paisley and us.

Time ticked on and rehersals finished up.  
I noticed paisley and kendall trying to eat each others faces. The couple of seconds I let myself glance at them it looked very seductive.  
I turned away before I felt my heart ache with forgotten memorys.

I talked to Carlos. I had only spoken to him on the phone the last few looked well... obviously his new lady friend was treating him well.

"So... when do I get to meet this mysterious girl 'los" I asked him excitedly.

Carlos flashed his beaming smile at me "I'm hoping to have everyone round for dinner next week shoo... you think you and James can make it?" Carlos eyed my still ill looking body, my maxi dress hadn't fooled him in covering up my noticable boney frame.

"Yeah course we will. What's her name?" I asked ignoring his attempt to bring up my health.

"Jess'... well jessica. I met her in Michigan on 4th July...she is amazing shoo" Carlos grinned.

"Jessica huh. Sounds good, is she a regular person or in the fame game?" I asked him bemused at his silly smile that wouldn't leave his face.

"She dances actually, she does Broadway. We are keeping it on down low for now... early days huh" he chuckled as he looked at paisley and kendall "obviously not everyone keeps things on the down low" he added.

I didn't turn but I heard Logan whistle then kendall called out goodbye.

"Yeah not everyone does" I laughed." But they do look great together... hey why don't you bring Jess as your plus one to the gala on saturday" I playfully nudged Carlos in his stomach.

"Ah I don't know... she is still in LA though" Carlos thought about his options.

I decided to help him along "well you will end up on your lonesome if you decide to go it alone, obviously me and James. Paisley and kendall and Logan is taking that Sara girl" I rolled my eyes at logans latest flash in the pan girlfriend.  
"Oh and shawn is taking Amberleigh..." I smiled.

"What paisleys friend Amberleigh?" Carlos asked.

"Yeah, it was her that told me actually.I had to call her to sort some stuff out, apparently her and shawn really hit it off that night they all went down to the club"

Carlos laughed shaking his head.

I turned to see James waiting for me, he was sat back on the stage. Logan was just grabbing some bags he had.

Carlos and I walked up to James, we all said our goodbyes.  
James and I walked out to the maserati.

"I've got a little surprise for you" James said.

"What's that then maslow?" I asked with a grin.

He handed me some keys "I think I have found us a house baby" his grin matched my own

I wiggled my legs in excitement and gave out a little scream " Ahhhh! James I didn't even know you were looking!" I squeezed James' legs.

"Well I phoned around a few people when I was stuck on my own in reno, and this guy Pete called me back this morning saying a beautiful house had just come on in bel air, I asked if we could check it out this eve and went and got the keys" James' eyes gleamed.

"Oh my god, we can look at it now?" I squeeled .

"Yep! ... You sure you want to sell yours Sheri, coz I love that house, and wouldn't need to think twice about moving in there"

I looked at James. Trying to think of anything serious whilst being this excited was hard even for me. But i did.

"James I honestly feel that I can't go back there. I mean its not just what happened in the bathroom, its all of it. I'm so ready to start something new... with you baby. I love you James"

James gave me a smile and kissed me. Lingering on my lips long enough to slip his tongue in.  
"I love you too Sheri" he said as he started up the car.

The journey to the house took about half hour, it was getting late in the evening but was still light outside.

As James approached the bel air estate, he punched in the number for the gates to open.

I was blown away, the home he pulled up to was enormous. I could see 4 garages already joined on to the house, it looked like a beautiful grand Italian villa.  
it had Venetian walls.  
As we walked around the house I felt so overwhelmed. It was beauty like I had never seen.  
Walnut wood floors, the kitchen was huge, all dark wood hand crafted cabinets with cream granite counter tops, it had a massive center island cabinet.

The house had 6 bedrooms, the master bedroom having seperate his and her built in walk in wardrobes and the two bathrooms both boasted luxurious baths.

The bedroom opened up to a covered balcony which overlooked an expansive veranda. I could literally see for miles, it was beautiful.

The first floor had a games room, bar and office. As well as 3 reception rooms.

The four garages turned out to be 6, much to James delight with all the old trucks he had littered outside his bungalow. He got carried away and talked about maybe turning one of the garages in to a gym.

The garden was huge, a large grassy area which the dogs would love, a pool for my back when it got bad and even a spa. It looked out on to gorgeous vista canyon views.

It was amazing.  
"James its incredible" I smiled.

It really was everything we both needed.

I dreaded to ask how much it was, my house was so much smaller than this one yet still cost me over 2million dollars.

"It is incredible isn't it. Space for everything we would ever need" James beamed.

"A million kids?" I joked.

He laughed as he took in the magnificence of the house.

"James?" I took his hand in my own."how much is it?" My eyes squinted in preperation for the heart attack I was quite possibly about to have.

James smiled at me, he shook his hair to one side... he was giving me his 'look at me I'm gorgeous' pitch in the hope that it will soften the blow.

"James!" I laughed, letting go of his hand and giving him a small slap on the chest. "tell me" .

"It's a lot... but its beautiful. Isn't it?" he smiled at me again "... its just shy of 9 million" he finally said.

"9 million... oh my god... James ..."  
James took my hand again and gently pulled me to a big patio table that was near a built in Bbq area in the rear gardens. We sat down and looked up at the house.

"Sheri I know what your thinking, obviously I don't have enough capital behind me yet to even dream of a place like this, so again I know its you that will be left with the decision... but even if its not now, this..." he waved a hand at the beautiful home."this is what our future is going to hold, I promise you that sheriden". He kissed my hand he still held.

I stayed silent for a few moments taking in James' visions of the life he had planned for us both and the house that sat in front of us.

I squeezed his hand.  
"James, I love you so much... this house is insane" I laughed.

"It sure is insane" he said as he chuckled.

"Let's do it baby" I said, I stood up and pulled him with me.

"Sheriden you can't decide like that!" James argued.

"Why not? and besides I owe you so much James... I love you so much. Your right it has everything we would ever need" I smiled up at the house.

"Really?" james said in shock.

"Really baby! Let's do this.100% let's do it" I screamed with excitement.

I jumped in to James arms, wrapping my legs around his waist. He kissed me.

"Sheriden I won't ever let you down baby" James said inbetween kisses.

"I know James, you never have, yet I let you down so much by doing stupid crap"

James rolled his eyes, he smelt amazing, he had a leather jacket on, the smell from that combined with his amazing natural scent was almost too good to be true.

We locked the house up and made the journey back to James house, stopping briefly on the way to drop the keys back to the estate agent known as Pete.

The evening was filled with excited chit chat from both of us late in to the night.

There was so much happening right now over all aspects of our lives.

We went to bed just after midnight, we had a meeting with our lawyers in the morning to sort some record label details out that kendall had recently brought to our attention. And James had to drop paisleys car off after.

I fell to sleep pretty quick but got woken up by James' cell ringing just before 3am. He walked out of the room to talk,  
I fell back to sleep only to get woken up again by James. He looked worried.

"What's up babe?" I asked. my voice croaky and eyes squinted from the bedside lamp that James had just turned on.

"That was paisley. Kacey has shown up at kendalls begging for you to drop everything against her. She is set to lose everything in court so she told kendall. What do i do Sheri?"

The excited glint that I saw in James' eyes before bed had completly gone now. It was replaced with worry and fear.

"James if you want me to drop it, I will drop it. She didn't force the heroin inside me, I was doing it to help kendall mostly"

James sighed.

"Look! James after today ive realised that all I care about is getting things right for us. You used to be so in love with that crazy girl once apon a time. I will go along with whatever you think is the right thing to do".

James snuggled in next to me. He was thinking. James never made rash decisions.

"I love you Sheri" he finally said before leaving the room and using the telephone that was in his lounge.

On his return to the bedroom he climbed back in to bed and kissed me "if we dropped it I would regret it for the rest of my life Sheri" James said.

I kissed James on his forehead as he snuggled back in to me.

"She can burn in hell" he whispered.

I was quite shocked. James must feel very strongly about everything kacey had done to him and me.

We both woke up early, we sorted out all of kendalls legal jargon for the record company and James picked up paisleys car and dropped it round, he was back again just after lunch.  
James left me to go to the studio, I drove my car for the first time in such a long while to see Pete the estate agent.  
I went over the details of the bel air house with him, he had managed to knock $800.000 off the price for me from the owners.

I signed on the dotted line and got the ball moving hopefully it would go through pretty quick. There was no chain as the family that had lived there had moved to paris already.  
Fingers crossed in a few weeks James and I should be moving in to that amazing home.  
Butterflies filled my stomach.

I went back to James' bungalow. Again it felt odd to be alone.

Tomorrow was my big day, the Sheriden Lloyd foundation would raise a load more money for people with spinal injuries. I loved holding the gala. It was so special to my heart.  
My back injury had changed my life completly, but without it I doubt I would ever of got to know James like I had.

I loved that man with all my heart. James was most Definately what I would call the one. My one.

I took care of the last few details for the gala, showered and headed to bed. Tomorrow was going to be busy.


	36. Chapter 36

**Paisleys story**

I drove kendall and I around as much of los Angeles as I could fit in before I was due at the studio at 3.

Rehersal went really well. I hugged the life out of James saying thankyou for the car. Again it was all James giving the orders, kendall just sat back and waited for his Que with the rest of the boys.  
Sheriden hadn't shown up today. But James told me to drive to his house for 10am the following morning for a lift to Evans, I still didnt know what Evans was, I didn't like to ask for fear of looking stupid.

After rehersal kendall advised, not told me, that I was best off going back to the hotel and chilling out before the nerves set in for tomorrows performance. But he was pleased that I said I didn't want to be alone and ended up back in his pool having fun but I had the common sense to go back to the hotel and grab a bikini.

We had a chilled out evening of our own.  
"Kendall what is Evans?" I finally plucked up the courage to ask.

Kendall looked up, he had his pet pig yuma on his lap.

"Evans? I don't know pais. Why?" He asked.

"Sheriden is taking me to Evans tomorrow, but her and james just assumed I knew what it was" I said relieved that kendall didn't know either.

"Ohhh! That Evans" kendall laughed.

"What do you mean oh that Evans? What is it?"

"It's a beauty salon... kind of. Sheriden always goes there, but I'm surprised she is taking you actually" he said.

"Why? What does that mean" I laughed.

"well she doesn't go with anyone... Sheriden tends to be a bit of a loner in the girlfriends department. She has one good friend that I know of but she is in Milan last I heard, rest of the time she hangs out with us lot. She enjoys being... the alpha female I guess you would call it"

"She must just want me to look better for my big debut tomorrow" I got up and looked in a mirror that Hung on kendalls wall.

"Hmm... pais your beautiful as you are. I think she just wants us all to get along. When kacey first showed up sheriden was very stand offish, and Carlos' ex tammi... well it was a pain in the Ass putting up with those two in the same room, and any girl that comes in to contact with Logan gets a good dressing down from her"

"Yeah but you said logan brings home a different girl every night, so that doesnt count" I defended sheridens actions.

"Yeah I guess, but least she is trying" Kendall added.

Yeah she was trying. I wondered if sheriden had just realised its easier to let me in the group so kendall has half a chance of liking me or if she was doing it for James' benefit for the record label, or indeed she did just want a friend.

I left kendalls house just before 10pm, I was chilled out and ready for bed.

I slept okay despite my increasing nerves.

Kendall popped round early the next morning with a massive bouquet of flowers for me. They were a gift for good luck. We had a passionate kiss. He gave me my ticket for the gala. He must of bought one from the sheriden Lloyd foundation despite being able to get in anyway as the band was performing.  
It was all for charity I guess and at $750 a ticket I expect sheriden was going to do well with raising her fund money.

I left my room the same time as kendall. He wished me luck and looked forward to seeing me later. We kissed goodbye as we reached my sexy new car, I made my way to Sheriden and James' house.

"Paisley! Great to see you. James tells me you love the car" sheriden greeted me with a kiss on the cheek and a friendly tone.

"I do love the car, there was really no need for such a grand gesture though" I gave her an air kiss and matched her friendly voice.

James walked in to the lounge.  
"Morning pais! How's the nerves?" He asked as he grabbed suit bags and other items.

"Not too bad at the moment" I replied.

"Good good" he smiled back.

James went outside and filled sheridens car with the bags.

"Right ready when you two are" James called.

Sheriden smiled at me and pulled me out to her car by the hand.

She sat in the front, James drove and I was in the back.

When we arrived at Evans it looked like some fancy golf club manor house. Some of the male staff came and took the bags out of the car that James had put in.  
Sheriden kissed James goodbye, he gave me a wave and left us there.

I felt terrified.

Inside the huge manor house was a winding staircase, I followed sheriden up it.

"you okay paisley?" She asked.

"Erm yeah... what exactly happens here? Kendall said it was a beauty salon" I laughed my nervous voice off, secretly hating kendall for not telling me the extent of poshness that would be required at Evans.

Sheriden smiled." It is a beauty salon... just on a less commercial scale. It will be fun paisley, its just a way I like to get myself ready for big events... and I can't stand not doing anything today. It's the same date as I had my accident" sheriden stayed smiling although I could see in her eyes that she was filled with pain.

We went in to a small room at the top of the stairs.

"Sheriden why did you want me with you today?" I really wanted to know.

"It's important to the boys that we get along. I want us to be good friends paisley... honestly I do" she reached for my hand for the second time today.

I smiled at her and squeezed her hand."its important to me too Sheriden"

"Well let's get ready for our big night then" she concluded.

Evans was amazing. as far as I had seen, only sheriden and I were there.  
We started off with getting all over body massages then had manicures, pedicures. eyebrow threading and tinting, the poshest lunch i have ever had in my life, and we had our hair and make up done and finished off being dressed.

Sheriden looked stunning she wore a navy blue sequined dress, it was full length, she had gone for a complete hair colour change and was now a beautiful blue eyed blonde. Her hair had loose curls scattered throughout. She really did look amazing.

Sheriden beamed at me.  
"Paisley look in the mirror. You look so different".

I walked over to the mirror. Sheriden had picked out a glamorous white dress for me, the skirt length came just above my I understood why sheriden had a moan about how I got up from the rehersal stage the other day. She obviously knew I was going to be wearing this. The top of the dress was tight fitting showing off my cleavage. My dark Italian skin had been buffed to perfection, it looked amazing against the whiteness of my dress.

My hair had been waved, it looked so natural but totally changed the look of my face... my face looked stunning, even if I did say so myself.  
I still looked like me, but it was like me as an angel in heaven.

"Kendall is going to be blown away pais'" sheriden whispered from behind me.

I smiled, it was the first time she had called me pais'  
"You think so?" I asked as I stared at my angel reflection.

"Absolutely!" she said.

"Sheriden... thank you so much... not just for this but for everything you and James have done. I hope you know how much it means for me"

She smiled "believe it or not paisley you and I are not all that different. I came from a very difficult background just like you, I tried to make it big on my own, just like you with kandy teaze. If it wasn't for the help of some very special people in my life then I would still be living in hackney London, snorting up coke,giving up on my dreams and my self and probably living with an abusive boyfriend, carlos' dad saved me from a truly terrible upbringing, both my parents were acoholics, i was left to fend for myself pretty much at the age of 12"

"Sheriden I had no idea of all that" my voice almost a whisper.

"Well the press don't tend to listen to the truth, they just print what they see, which at the time was a very scared 19 year old girl with no where left to go... just like you"

I could feel the heat of tears wanting to escape my eyes.

"Don't you dare fucking cry pais, we don't have time to redo that make up" sheriden laughed trying to compose herself of her own tears that now threatened her.

She gave me a hug.  
"Your going to be brilliant tonight, just remember to enjoy yourself okay" she smiled.

"Okay" I replied.  
Time had sped by today with all the beauty treatments and a lavish lunch. It was time to get a move on to the gala.

Sheriden and I got in seperate cars as we left Evans. I had a surprise waiting for me in my car in the form of kendall Schmidt.

Kendall looked so handsome. He wore a black designer suit, complete with jacket, waistcoat and a bow tie, his hair swept to perfection.

His face was a picture, for the first time since I had met him he was speechless. I greeted him in the car with a kiss and a smile.

"Paisley... wow" he managed out.

I laughed at him." Your looking hot yourself kendizzle" I replied back with a wink.

We arrived out side the gala venue, it was heaving with people wanting to catch a glimpse of their favorite celebrity that was attending.

The car stopped and someone opened the door for us from the outside, kendall stepped out on to the red carpet and reached his hand out for me to take, I took it and stepped out smiling. Flash photography engulfed us. We walked up the carpet, kendall held tightly on to my hand and gave a few waves to the hords of people behind the red roped barriers that framed the carpet.

We eventually made it inside, it was beautiful, large round white clothed tables awaiting the guests to sit for an exquisite meal. Each table was decorated with red roses. I saw the stage that I would soon be on and even a catwalk that I expect I would see some of Sheridens former runway friends on later.

I could see so many famous people. models, film stars, comedians, singers, tv stars.

I could feel my chest tighten. Shit! I did not belong here. Look at these people... they wouldn't want to hear me sing. I felt sick.

"I can't do it" I muttered.

Kendall gripped my hand tighter "course you can baby"

"I'm going to be sick" I declared.

Kendall turned to look at me. His green eyes almost hypnotic "paisley cmon don't do this now... it will be fine"

We were then greeted by james and sheriden, god knows where they snuck out from.  
We all hugged and kissed.

Kendall told to James of my new found nausia.

James looked worried as he gave me a good look.  
"Paisley you look a bit hot" he said with a smile.

I nervously smiled back.

"Come with me" James said and took my hand and dragged me off to a fire exit.  
We went through a small white bricked corridor. And in to a tiny office like room.

"Right pais if your gonna throw up do it in there" James pointed to a tiny looking washroom .  
But unfortunatly for him I went in and threw my guts up.

I came out after a few minutes.  
"Better?" He asked.

"Yeah actually... have I fucked my face up?"

James took a good look at my face and gently wiped under my eye.

"Eyeliner was a bit smudged but your looking good now" he smiled at me then walked over to the desk and pulled out a small bottle of vodka and two glasses. He poured the vodka in and handed me a glass.

"Drink up paisley" James said swigging his own glass. I did followed by another recommended by James.

"Right take a deep breath... how you feeling now?" He asked.

"Surprisingly good" I laughed.

"excellent, now promise me you will stick to soda for the rest of the night... least untill you have performed, and pais...enjoy yourself"

"I promise James... thankyou" I replied.

"Right let's get back to this party then" he said and took my hand, he delivered me back to kendall who was talking to shawn and Amberleigh who was sat at our dinner table. I could not of been more pleased to see her.

Dinner went by far to quickly for my liking, as well as shawn and Amberleigh we shared our table with Logan and his date sara, dustin belt and his girlfriend Caroline and Carlos and his date Jess.  
Each table housed ten people.  
Sheriden and James sat on another table with a bunch of special guests, two of them being 9 year old twins maisy and Molly Alessi, both being born with a spinal deformity that caused them both to be confined to wheel chairs for life.  
Sheriden Lloyd really struck me today as an amazing human being.

After dinner an auction took place, up for grabs was a load of celebrity stuff. Clothes, signed platinum albums,photographs, even a pair of Robbie Williams underwear that he had signed. The auctions had been running for a couple of months beforehand on eBay for members of the general public to join in. The total cash figure raised just by the auction alone had already reached over $175.000 .

Before I knew it it was time for me to take to the stage. James came and got me, took me through the back and gave me a quick run down of what to do, and wished me luck.

I heard sheriden speaking on the mic, she was explaining to the audience who I was and to give me a warm welcome. She then spoke out my name and walked off the stage.

I walked on and sat on the small black stool that was spotlighted for me.  
A man on a piano began playing halleloujah.  
I sang my heart out. By the second verse I felt so confident, my voice did me proud, I did my self proud.  
I hit every note perfectly remembering what james had told me. I could see kendall at the side, back stage, he beamed at me.

I felt worthy of being in the same room as these people.

The second song I sang was called truth, originally it was performed by Good Charlotte, again James had mixed it up to fit my voice and show off the power I could give out. I stood up to perform this song, I needed to push the feeling of the lyrics out.  
It really was a beautiful song, I thought to my self that James truely was a musical production genious .

The Good Charlotte song ended and an extended intro to nothing even matters began, I had 20 seconds to address the audience and introduce big time rush on the stage with me.  
The audience were clapping away from my last song.  
" thankyou everyone... thank you so much" I said in to the Mic.  
"I have one more song to sing for you this evening but it requires some very good friends of mine... ladies and gentleman please give a warm welcome to BIG TIME RUSH!"

I sat down on the edge of the stage praying it was spotlessly clean to save my dress from any dirt marks.

The btr boys joined me as the audience clapped at them. they sat on stage. Kendall gave me a smile and a wink.  
The song went by so smoothly, even better than rehersals. Kendall pulled me up very gracefully to do the big ending he held my hand and he looked so proud to be doing so,  
As the song finished, the rest of the boys stood up and James spoke in to his Mic.  
"Paisley prince everybody..." and the audience applauded me as I left the stage giving each of the boys a hug and a kiss. James whispered in my ear "you did me proud pais". And I walked off grinning ear to ear. And the boys continued with there own mini stage set.

I sat down on a sofa back stage to collect my thoughts... I couldn't believe how well that had all gone... fuck that was amazing.

Sheriden joined me after a minute or so she handed me a glass of champagne and sat on the sofa next to me.  
"Well done pais' you absolutly nailed it" she said.

We chinked glasses " thanks" I replied. Feeling a bit emotional on hearing her kind words.

"why are you back here when you have all those people out there?" I asked her

She smiled, "I have something for kendall"

I thought it rude to ask what it was, so i didnt ask.

The boys finished there performance and filed off and I stood up, A flurry of kisses came towards sheriden and i.

"James I got the papers" I heard sheriden say.

Logan and Carlos went back to their lady guests at the gala, I stayed behind with kendall as James had grabbed his arm and asked him to hold up.

"Kendall I got these for you bro', I think its all present and correct" James handed kendall the envelope that sheriden had brought in with her

Kendall smiled and gave James and sheriden a hug. They all looked at me.

"What?" I said to the three of them.

Kendall took my hand and sat me down on the sofa with him.  
"Pais... you know I like you loads dont you?" He began saying.

" erm... well yeah, I hope you do" I replied.

" well i do, and to tell you the truth I haven't felt very comfortable kind of being with you and being the boss" kendalls smile faded slightly as he read my uneasyness from my face.

I removed my hands ready to prepare for the words that kendall didn't want to be my boyfriend.

"Paisley!" Kendall laughed and took my hands back "what I'm trying to say is I've asked sheriden and James to buy me out... I'm not part of the label anymore. I'm just gonna be your boyfriend not your boss" he smiled.

I smiled back, it all made sense now why James had taken charge and kendall wanted to take it slow. He didn't want to fuck anything up.

I kissed him.

"Who is going to do your job in the studio then...max?" I asked.

James took this as his Que to answer me, I looked up at him from the sofa.

"Well kendall won't be replaced as a partner in the company but his job will be taken by Amberleigh Scott" he finished with a smile at Amberleighs name.

"Serious?" I asked

Sheriden nodded.

"That's amazing... she is amazing at all that stuff" I beamed.

Kendall squeezed my hand.

Sheriden and James left us on the sofa, I think she was due to have a turn on the catwalk to kick things off. I bet she lived for that moment.

I kissed kendall.  
"Is that what you really wanted?" I asked him in seriousness.

"100% paisley. I don't want anything to come between me and you" he smiled.

"I love you so much kendall" I whispered to him.

He smiled at me then kissed me.  
he didnt say i love you back but a kiss was a good enough answer for me. I could wait for him to be ready to say it, i knew rushing him wouldn't help anything.

We made our way back just in time to see sheriden strut her stuff on the runway, she had changed in to a bright red backless dress, it was layered up about a hundred times over. Like a ballet skirt it was short and showed off her amazing legs. As she turned the backless dress showed off her scar along her spine.

I admired sheriden Lloyd so much.  
I looked over to james. He looked very emotional, he watched her glide away up there. He looked so inlove, so proud.  
Kendall gave out a small sigh as he looked up at sheriden.  
He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me back to our table.

As the night went on the more people had too much to drink and delved in to their chequebooks to donate money.

The evening ended with a flurry of awards for some of the special people that had entered Sheridens heart.

The twins maisy and molly got given a special gift during the awards ceremony. They were huge fans of Justin bieber. He wasn't at the gala but sheriden presented the twins with concert tickets and backstage. passes to meet him at one of his shows.

The look on those girls faces is one I will never forget. I could understand why everyone in Sheridens big time rush family loved her so much. She was truely nothing like the person that was printed about in the paper. She still was that scared little girl from hackney, but now she used her influences for good. Just like Carlos' family had shown her.

James must of seen that quality in her from day one.

After the awards there was another band that played for the guests to dance to.  
a dance floor appeared after some tables had been removed and a party began.

Sheriden could relax now, she came and chatted to everyone, James was firmly attached to her hand. She still wore the gorgeous red tutu style dress from the cat walk. Her newly blonde hair looked stunning with it.

They made there way over to kendall, shawn, amberleigh and i.  
We talked about Amberleighs new job title. Again Amberleigh was cackling away with her dreadful laugh, sheriden gave me the look to say is that for real. I laughed at her.  
It was all very relaxed untill Carlos came over and introduced his new girlfriend Jess to sheriden and James.  
I had only said hi to Jess once at the dinner table. She spent the rest of the time whispering in carlos' ear.

James looked a bit shocked as he was introduced to jess, I presumed her beauty had taken him aback.  
She really was very pretty. She wore a strapless black mini dress. The skirt was so short I admired how she made it look effortless to keep it in place, and not expose her behind.

Sheriden gave Jess an air kiss and looked her up and down. I got the impression sheriden didn't approve of Jess one bit.  
Carlos chatted away to kendall, i stood next to sheriden, i noticed that james was talking quickly in her ear.

Jess then made a bee line for me, I presumed it was because it looked as though I also didn't have a talking partner.

"How was your first time on stage?" Jess asked me.

I smiled at the thought of my performance "oh my god it was amazing" I beamed at her.

Jess laughed.

"So are you a singer too?" I asked her.

"Oh god no babe, i dance, Ive just finished a stint in vegas actually, mainly Latin dance but I do all sorts" she smiled

"Wow that's amazing, I expect your used to performing to crowds like this then... I was so nervous earlier"

Again Jess laughed, I found it irritating. She took a quick look at the crowds of people at the gala.  
"I'm used to much bigger than this..." she chuckled." This is nothing" she emphasised.

"Well this is a different scenario completly though... charity function and all" I argued.

"Hmm" she said "so... this is kendall then?" she stole kendall from Carlos' conversation.  
Kendall smiled at Jess

"Yes this is kendall" I agreed, my voice turning patronising.

"You two aren't really an item are you?" Jess chuckled out.  
Kendall looked at me and smiled. I could tell from his eyes he was saying who the fuck does this bitch think she is.  
I let out a small laugh " well yeah we are dating actually" I said and took kendalls hand. He gladly raised it and gave it a kiss.

"Oh my... I am sorry, i just presumed it was for publicity. You dont look his type" as she said it jess ran her fingers across kendalls chest.

I dont know if Carlos saw this or chose to ignore it. But it pissed me off.  
Kendall gave a nervous chuckle and looked at me.

"why would you think its publicity" I asked out of pure curiousness .

"Well... babe, don't take this the wrong way but your just a bit plain... I just assumed it was to help record sales or something" Jess had a smile on her face.

I was speechless. What do you possibly reply to that.  
I looked at kendall. He looked awkward.

"Hi... Jess?" Sheriden joined in our conversation.

Jess raised an eyebrow to acknowledge Carlos' very dear friend and the host of the gala.

Sheriden chuckled, i noticed Carlos deep in conversation with dustin now, completly unaware of the terrible introduction his new love interest had given us.

"Sweetheart..." sheriden said, her voice thick with intimidation."paisley isn't plain, she is adorable. She is just not very good at mastering the look of a slut, like yourself" sheriden again eyed Jess from top to bottom.

At that point kendall tugged at my hand and pulled me away.

I couldn't hear what other words the two women exchanged because of the noise from the band playing but i saw James follow kendalls lead and guided sheriden away from Jess the bitch.

Kendall led me to the dance floor, a slow song was playing I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"That was weird right?" he smiled.

"Right!" I agreed "good old sheriden" I winked at him.

Kendall laughed and gave me a kiss.

Logan came up to us and asked if we would like to come back to his for a gathering.

Kendall. said he would but i decided to quit while i was ahead. I was shattered. Today had exhausted me.

"You want some company?" kendall said with a grin.

I smiled back at him "no you go ahead and have fun, im just gonna zonk out baby"

I said my goodbyes to everyone then Kendall walked me out to a car, he kissed me goodbye and promised to call me in the morning.

I got back to the hotel showered and slumped in to bed, I was so tired but the entire day had been worth it.


	37. Chapter 37

**sheridens story**

I had had a really good time with paisley today at Evans. I felt hopefull that any rift that had been caused between James and kendall because of the stupid things I had done in my life could be repaired.

Paisley would be so good for kendall to have in his life, I had noticed that his eyes had begun to shine again instead of looking so sad.  
I was determined that big time rush would not suffer because of me. That band meant the world to James.

Paisley had just got in to her car with kendall. I got in to my own where James was waiting for me.

"Hello blondie" he greeted me with.

I kissed him "hey baby... what do you think?" I asked him, hoping he would like my new hair colour.

"Very sexy! I thought you had changed your mind about doing it?" he smiled.

"A change is as good as a rest" I said and gave James a kiss from his new blonde girlfriend.

"You look great!" I smiled eyeing him over, he wore a navy blue tuxedo, his hair had been cut again too.  
"I love your hair that length James...makes you look more my age" I said with a giggle.

He slung his arm around me and laughed."not so much your toy boy now huh, you will have to trade me in for a younger model soon" he joked.

I laughed again " I doubt that maslow... your stuck with me for good I'm afraid"

I gave James another kiss, a longer one this time. His eyes smiled at me as I pulled away.

"Not bad for a blonde" he whispered to me.

I smiled. I loved James so much. My heart ached away as I looked in to his beautiful brown eyes.

Our car pulled up out side the venue. James and I walked out on to the red carpet. We spent several minutes greeting the crowds outside. We posed to have our picture taken, I posed away with James showing off my beautiful dress.

"Sheriden... sheriden" called some of the paperazzi.  
James and I walked over to say a few words for the journalist trolls.

"How are you feeling now Sheriden?" One man shouted out with a tape recorder thrust at me.  
I felt James squeeze my hand.  
"I am feeling so excited for tonite. We hope to raise a lot of money for the charity this evening" I calmly replied, twisting the journalists question to a more suitable answer for myself.  
"Sheriden..." I could hear more shouts but James gently pulled me away thanking and smiling at everyone.

We got inside. We had a quick chat with a few guests. James spotted kendall and paisley and wanted to check she wasn't falling to pieces with nerves, so we made our way over... she looked scared stiff clinging on to kendall, James took her in to a back room to give her a pre show chat.

Kendall smiled at me " once again sheriden you have blown me away. You look amazing"

"Thanks" I smiled back "paisley looks stunning doesn't she?" I asked.

"She... had me lost for words. I can't wait to tell her about Amberleigh. I think it will take a load of pressure off us"

"I will sort all that out for you later when things have got in to some kind of order" I replied with a friendly squeeze of his wrist.

Logan and his... company came to greet us.

"Princess... look at you!" Logan said taking my hand and giving me a twirl.  
I gave logie a kiss on the cheek and greeted his date with a smile.  
"Sara this is Sheriden Lloyd" Logan introduced us.  
"Nice to meet you" she mumbled out at me. Logan had his hand on her ass, giving it the occasional rub every now and then.  
I adored Logan Henderson so much. He was a funny, caring, beautiful person. I just hated the way he exploited his fame by sleeping with as many girls as he could.  
Sara had been his latest fuck interest for the past two weeks according to James. Looking at them now I would think Logan would chuck her out of his bed in the next few days.  
It was always the same old story.

I made my excuses and went to say hello to some other guests.  
Robbie Williams had decided to grace us with his presence. I used to date Robbie for about a year when I lived in England. We had some fun times together but we influenced each other in terrible ways with alcohol and drugs. But he too has since sorted himself out. It was great to see him.

Guests took to their tables as dinner was soon to be served, I saw James and paisley walk back in. Paisley was atleast smiling now so I was pleased.

James greeted all the guests that were at our own table before giving me a kiss on the cheek and sitting down.

The evening moved on smoothly, everyone seemed to be having fun, I introduced paisley on to the stage. She sang superbly.  
I took her a glass of champagne to celebrate her success as she came back stage.  
I hope she knew how well she did.  
James and the boys came off stage. We gave kendall what he had asked for, the legal documents stating he no longer owned part of the record label. He felt it wasn't for him after everything that had happened and didn't want to risk any added pressure to his relationship with paisley.

I left them both to chat as I went to go and get changed for my mini return to the cat walk.

I loved days like this, I sometimes got the rare opportunity to appear on runways, mostly charity events like these or sometimes as a special guest for my former campaigns.  
My back on somedays caused me no issues what so ever, but there was no way I could survive the excersise routine a catwalk model has to go through to stay in prime condition.  
I still thought I looked good for my age but to a professional they would clearly notice I wasn't up to scratch any longer.  
I was changed in to a cute Prada red puff ball dress, the skirt was ridiculously layered up. It looked like a dollys dress, the top was tight and sparkly with an open back. Usually I wouldnt wear anything that showed my scar along my spine so freely but it didn't matter today, I had a small scar on my leg from the car crash I had with James too. One of the make up girls was gently patting it with camouflage cream so it wouldn't show.  
As well as me I had fellow british models set to go. lily Cole,she worked alongside me as the face for rimmel makeup in london. Kate moss who again used to hang around with Robbie and I back in the day and 5 other models from my own agency.  
We all wore Prada.  
Prada had been generous enough to donate the clothes and $500.000 to the charity. the dresses all the models wore had being auctioned off to help raise even more money for the sheriden Lloyd foundation.

I did my thing on the runway making sure I enjoyed every second. I clocked James looking up at me. He took my breath away.  
I felt amazing up there. I missed modelling so much.

James met me after my stint on the cat walk, he looked very emotional.  
"Don't you start me off maslow" I laughed as he scooped me in to his arms. He smelt so good. We spent a few minutes kissing backstage as the other models took their turn showing off the pretty Prada outfits.  
My puffy skirt denying me from pressing myself up as close as I would of liked to my amazing boyfriend.

After we mingled with guests and the dancing had begun I could relax. James and I went to talk to our own little btr family.

Carlos introduced me to Jess, she didn't look his usual sort, Jess looked very outgoing, Carlos was a very emotional person, he could get upset very easily and was a complete crybaby when he was tired. he was very immature and childish...but i wouldnt have him anyother way. I didn't envy the other big time rush boys putting up with a tired and grumpy Carlos when stuck on the road with him. Poor James shared a tour bus with him and shawn.  
Carlos' girlfriends usually consisted of two qualities. One being she would always wear the trousers in the relationship, which by looking at Jess I could see she definately had that oozing from her. but two, Carlos' girls would always back him up, even when he was wrong and Jess did not look like the sort of girl that would fight in anyone's corner apart from her own.  
Jess made tammi, Carlos' ex look like a kitten.

I eyed Jess all over, she looked cheap, wearing an all in one black mini dress, she was as flat chested as a 10 year old boy but if she bent over in the shortest skirt i had seen in a long while, i would expect you could see what she ate for breakfast.  
I had already taken a dislike to her before James filled me in on some disturbing information.

After Jess had turned her attention away from greeting us James whispered in my ear that whilst on tour, him and the boys had celebrated 4th of July in Michigan. The day after James had found Logan with Jess doing what logie does best, but when Logan went to shower Jess had tried to come on to james offering him oral sex. Stating that James was by far her favorite.

My blood boiled at the slag that stood before me, if she knew who James was at the time, then she definately knew that he was very much in a relationship with me. That was the one perk of being a tabloid favorite.  
As I looked at Jess now in conversation with paisley and kendall I watched how she rubbed her hands all over kendalls chest.  
What a whore! How on earth had Carlos managed to get latched on to that.  
As I listened to her make paisley feel inadequate I had had enough.  
These people were my family, they were all I had in the world.  
I would not stand for this trampy Bitch to step in and use the friends that had become my own dear family.

I looked at James who had also seen and heard the goings on of what Jess had started. He cocked his head as if to say, go on then.  
So I stepped forward.  
"Hi...Jess? ... Sweetheart... Paisley is not plain, she is adorable! she just isn't very good at mastering the look of a slut like you are..."  
Kendall led paisley away from the scene I had now created.  
Jess smirked at me.  
"Does something amuse you Jess?" I asked

"Well yes actually... if your pitiful life wasn't enough to send me in to hysterics then your attempts to keep yourself in the spotlight are almost laughable" she looked to James implying I was only with him to remain in the public eye.  
I smiled sweetly at her then gave off a small chuckle.  
"Oh dear, do you hold some resentment that my boyfriend prefers to put his cock in my pitiful mouth than in yours?... shame".

Jess tucked some of her brown hair behind her ear.  
"Oh sheriden... being crude really doesn't suit you, but I guess its better putting it in that oversized mouth than forgetting your contraception...again" she smiled as James pulled me away, he had heard enough.

What a fucking Bitch. I looked back at her she was now all over Carlos grinning like a cheshire cat.  
"Sheri I hope you know better than to listen to any of that shit?" James said as he took me in to a quiet corner.  
Tears had welled in to my eyes at the insensitivity of Jess talking about my pregnancy I shared with kendall like that.  
I took a deep breath.  
"Are you good?" He said with a kiss on my forehead.

I nodded my head. i guess this is the reason why i didnt want people knowing about the baby in the first place.

"Good... let's get you changed out of that dress before Jess chucks a drink over you and some poor guy has just payed $10.000 on ebay for it" he laughed at the silliness of the situation.  
This made me laugh.  
I went to go get changed. James grabbed my wrist before I walked out of reach.  
"Love you Lloyd" he said.  
"Love you too maslow" I replied with a smile.

Logan had invited us to his house for some drinks but James and I decided to head home instead.  
We said a flurry of goodbyes to so many people before we got the chance to leave.

At home I no longer felt tired, I wish we had of gone to Logans but the thought that Jess may or may not be there put me off making a late entrance.

"Sheriden get changed and we will go out with the dogs" James said.

That sounded good to me, it was a beautiful night... well morning, it had just gone 1am.

I got changed in to some comfy clothes and walked with James along the sandy beach that ran near the bungalow. We hadn't done this for months.  
It was so quiet, we only saw 4 other people out and about on the beach, James had a baseball cap on, and I was in jeans and one of James' sweaters, I doubt anyone would recognise us. I loved moments like this.

After we had walked for a while we sat down and watched fox and falco running in to the sea.  
I snuggled in to James as he wrapped a protective arm around me.

"James do you remember on cocoa beach when you asked if you made me nervous... I lied. I was so scared" I laughed at my confession.

James smiled "I was scared too... not everyday you get the chance to try and woo the woman of your dreams"

I looked at him and laughed." You didn't think that at the time James you big fibber" I gave him a nudge in the ribs.

"Honestly! I had a thing for you the first time I met you, you came to the set with Carlos that time. You wore red jeans and a white top. I tried talking to you but your cell rang" he said nudging me back in the ribs.

I laughed at James' crystal clear memory of the first day he layed eyes on me.

"Your so lovely James" I said snuggling back in to him looking out at the ocean.

"Yeah... I know" he joked and kissed my forehead "now look at us, just about to move in to our own home in bel air"

"It's crazy... but I love you so much maslow" I rubbed his chest with my hand that was wrapped around him.

"Love you too Sheri" he said.

We both sat there watching the dogs swim in the sea under the moonlit beach.

"Cmon let's gets back baby" James said with a glint in his eye " let's put that pitiful mouth of yours to good use"

I giggled at James as he pulled me up from my sitting position in the sand, and he gave my bum a pat as we hurried home.


	38. Chapter 38

**PAISLEYS STORY**

5 days had passed since my performance at Sheridens gala.

James had me in and out of the studio everyday. He was trying to get the makings of an album started. But still helping me make the best of my voice. He would sit with me at his piano for ages, going over the correct notes for certain songs. He had the patience of a saint.

Kendall and I were just heading out to Carlos' house, he was having a get together, kendall said that Carlos' family had come to visit and it was an ideal opportunity for everyone to get to know Jess'.

I didn't really want to know Jess anymore than I already did. I hoped she wouldn't try and touch up kendall again. She scared me if I was honest.  
She seemed like a dangerous girl.

Sheriden had text me this morning asking what I was intending to wear to Carlos' house. I replied a dress, but she text back saying wear jeans, don't have your boobs on display, and maybe wear the silver shimmer top I had got when we had gone out shopping together.  
I had hardly worn any of the clothes I had bought on that credit card. But I found the top she had meant.  
I tried it on with my jeans, it really was very pretty, just a vest, but the silver sparkles made the entire look more formal, it covered up my boobs completly, I didn't even have any cleavage showing but it made them look even bigger as the top was tight around my little waist with my big double d's on top.  
Kendall loved it. He was my boobs biggest fan.

He didn't understand why sheriden had text such an odd request.  
I blinged myself up with some bangles and a necklace and wore my hair down.

Kendall also just wore jeans and a sleeveless tee, I loved it, he looked so... I guess scruffy is the best way to describe it but with the tattoos and the hair he looked very rock n roll.  
I had butterflies in my stomach just looking at him.

Since kendall had been legally released from James and sheridens record company he had become a very different boyfriend.  
The go slow rule flew out the window, and kendall could not keep his hands to himself. He adored to please me in any way he could. From kissing, to touching to having sex. I still did not believe that kendall had only had 4 lovers in his life time, he truly was amazing.  
But he was always considerate to not do anything that might put me off.

I had always been a bit of a bore in bed, my abortion I had when I was 15 had killed any dreams of a decent sex life, I was just worried I would get pregnant again, not that I would have another abortion but I just didnt want to risk it.  
Kendall was doing a good job of restoring my faith in men despite the fact he had not bothered to wear a condom on our first time and he somehow got sheriden pregnant... I hadn't got round to asking how that came about yet, I knew it wasn't planned.

But with me now, he was perfect, and I looked forward to him making love to me, where as with Ryan it had been more of a chore.

We arrived at Carlos' house just after six, his house was nice, but on entering and seeing the amount of people I could tell that Carlos was the heart of big time rush and this was the hub of it all.  
I didn't know Carlos very well. We hadn't had the best start, and then of course his evil girlfriend Jess had not helped to seal a bond.

Kendall introduced me to Carlos' two brothers Andres and Antonio, and of course Carlos' parents,and his grandfather. I understood immediately then why Sheriden had said to cover my boobs up.  
The pena parents had a look about them that kind of stated they didn't really tolerate exploitation of a sexual nature.

I would of stuck out like a sore thumb if I had of worn that dress with my knockers hanging out for kendall to enjoy the view of.  
I would have to thank sheriden for the advice.

I looked about but couldn't see her or James anywhere, I couldn't see Jess either.

I could however see Logan Henderson  
Kendall looked at me with pure humour in his eyes as we both noticed logans newest bed partner.

A laugh very almost popped out of my mouth. I'm glad it didn't because I think kendall was on the verge of hysteria.

Logan had bagged himself what I could only describe as a cougar.  
She was very attractive still but she must of been nearing 40.

Logan had obviously not recieved a text from sheriden asking him to cover his latest date up, as his cougar girlfriend wore a tiny pair of shorts and a very low cut v neck top with her giant boobs almost falling out. She looked like she was trying to dress my age but had failed miserably.  
Logan I noticed was drunk, but he was having fun.

He smiled at us, i was worried that kendalls laughter would burst out of him at the crack of a smile but he held it in.  
Once we had reached Logan he introduced us to Tina, he called her his friend but the way Tina was sat on logans lap made me think otherwise.

"So where's Jess then?"kendall asked Logan." I thought this was all about her?" He added.

"Yeah los said she will be here soon, she has gone to an audition. She wants to stay in LA" Logan replied.

"Ah okay... great, um... so where did you meet Logan, Tina?" Kendall asked the cougar.

"Well we met in a night club just a few days ago" Tina replied.

Kendall smiled and nodded but had to turn away as tinas fairy high pitched voice had sent him to physically have the giggles.  
Which in turn made me start up, as I made our excuses to leave Tina and Logan to it I noticed that Jess had now arrived.

She still looked like a Bitch, wearing a tiny red skirt again and ruffled black top, which if I wasn't mistaken I could actually see through to some degree and notice Jess was not wearing a bra underneath.

Carlos didn't seem to care that his parents where about to see his girlfriends breasts on the first meeting, he smiled away as he introduced Jess to his brothers and parents.

Carlos' dad appeared to be full of fun, he lived for his sons so it seemed, he hugged Jess and welcomed her to the family. I noticed Carlos' mom mention about the outfit Jess had on. She said it was very different.

Jess talked about her dancing career to them.  
I noticed the brothers give each other a look when Carlos' back was turned.  
I wonder what they thought of Jess.

Kendall and I sat on some chairs at quite possibly the biggest kitchen table I had ever seen.  
I watched Jess as she flaunted her self at the pena family.  
I had never known anyone that loved themself so much. She really had the gift of the gab talking about her self.  
Logan approached us and asked kendall to look at something on his phone.  
Kendall left my side to go and have a look.

I stayed sat at the table feeling a bit overwhelmed.  
There were people in the kitchen, I presumed must be more relatives of Carlos, and as far as I could tell 3 small children, all of which must of been under the age of six.  
My mind wondered off to what Carlos' Christmas' must of been like when he was growing up, a house filled with people who love you. I envied him.

Jess was still going,she seemed to be rubbing her self on Carlos like a Bitch on heat.

Still his parents stayed talking politely to her though.

Sheriden and James walked in through the door.  
James looked gorgeous, he had his hair brushed back from his face, he wore just cargo shorts and a tee shirt but the style he oozed out was insane.  
Sheriden also wore shorts, Definately not as small as tina's ones though and on top she wore a tee shirt, her hair was up in a pony tail.  
I had never seen her look so normal. She was still by far the prettiest girl in the room.

Pretty much as soon as she arrived she was flanked by Carlos' family.  
Antonio gave sheriden a huge cuddle, and spoke to her and James.  
Sheriden beamed. She spent several minutes talking to the brothers then I heard

"Is that my sheriden finally here?" come from Carlos' father.  
Carlos' dad left Jess and Carlos to it, to go and greet Sheriden, the girl he had welcomed in to his family all those years ago.

"Papi!" Sheriden replied. They hugged and kissed and I heard words of concern from Carlos' dad over Sheridens recent problems.

"...And a baby? Why did you not talk to me sheriden... I will never understand..." Carlos' dad sounded so worried about her, I suppose he saw her as the daughter they never had.

"I know, I'm so sorry Papi, my head wasn't thinking. But James... and Carlos have taken such good care of me"

Carlos' dad looked at James smiling.  
"Yes... James my son!" And he greeted James with a hug and some back slapping for good measure.  
Obviously James had already got the seal of approval to join the pena family.

Again I was left wondering how on earth her and kendall ever got it together. Sheriden in her civilian get up, looked very girl next door, then there was kendall with his ... scruffyness...

"Carlos tells me you two are buying a house to live in together?" Carlos' dad asked

"Yep... in bel air, James is wanting to make me live like the princess he thinks I am" sheriden said smiling,

"Good, and so he should. Nothing is too good for my sheriden" beamed Carlos' father.

Sheriden had the full attention of pretty much all the penas, including Carlos. They all stood laughing and chatting.  
A smile appeared on my face noticing Jess on the sidelines unable to join in.  
She deserved it.

James came and sat next to me leaving sheriden to catch up with her surrogate family.

I smiled at James.  
"They adore her don't they?" I said to him.

He smiled up at the scene in front of us "yeah they sure do... they will stay like that for about an hour catching up" he replied.

This news made me happy, I looked at Jess stood there next to Carlos, she had a fake smile on her face and nodded away to conversations that didn't really include her.

"Does sheriden never see her real family... in England?" I asked James.

"No, her mum died a week before she turned 21. And she refuses to try and patch things up with her dad" James replied still looking at the friendly scene in front of us.

"Oh... sheriden told me they drank to much" I added to the discription of Sheridens parents.

"Yeah... from what she has told me, she loved her mum a lot but her mum loved alcohol and cigarettes more than her little girl. sheriden was in foster care by the time she got scouted to model at 14...". James' voice had changed, I don't think he could possibly understand how any parent could just give up on a child.

"At 14? Shit... no wonder she went off track" I imagined a teenage sheriden finding fame and money at such a young age with no one that cared enough to guide her in the right direction.

James sighed." Yep! But Carlos' mom and dad found sheriden when she was 17. They did these missions for the church to help under privaliged kids, they wound up in the UK. sheriden by then was just launching her runway career,but she was broke, and addicted to cocaine. Ready to give up"

a gasp must of popped out my mouth as James stopped talking and looked at me.

He carried on with a smile.  
"The penas tried to help her but at first sheriden only wanted to help herself to drugs and booze. They kept in contact with her almost daily on the phone, kind of like a sponser, they could see sheriden for who she could be, not who she was. They kept asking her to come to the USA, but she wouldn't go. She had a high profile life in England already rubbing shoulders with very famous and wealthy people but at 19 she got pictured outside a Glasgow nightclub snorting coke, when she saw the picture she kind of just snapped.  
She left the UK and after a few years here fighting her way through her addiction and clawing her way back to the runway she made it" James sighed again and looked to sheriden.

She gave him a wink as they made eye contact and he smiled back to her,

"You love her so much don't you James?" I asked him as he stayed smiling in Sheridens direction.

"Completly" he replied " I've noticed kendall giving you the I love you eyes though" he smirked at me.

"He still hasn't said it yet but its early days" I said.

"Kendall just needs time, he is very sensitive really beneath all that" James said as he looked over to kendall who was laughing away at something with logans phone in his hand.

"Pais?" James said .

"Yeh?" I replied still looking at kendall.

"What the fuck is that sat on Hendersons lap?" James asked as he laughed.

I let out a laugh too " Oooh thats Tina" I replied with a smile.

James shook his head in disbelief at logans really tragic choice of fuck buddy.

"Well do you want a drink? its gonna be a long night... they usually are" James said.

"Sure... make it a big one" I said as James made his way to the alcohol.

Kendall walked back over to me just as James had handed me a drink."pais, cmon. dance mat time" kendall said.

"Dance mat time?" I replied.

Him and James laughed." Sure, cmon its funny, I'm terrible at it" kendall confessed.

The 3 of us walked in to Carlos' lounge, well I guessed it was a lounge, it only really housed a huge tv on the wall and a load of party games including two dance mats that were hooked up and ready to a small sofa pushed to the side of the room

The drinks were most Definately flowing by my second go on the dance mat. Kendall really was rubbish at it, he was out by the third round, Logan and James were currently battling it out against one another when sheriden walked in holding the smallest of the children that were visiting Carlos today.

"Hey paisley" she said with a smile.

"Hi... you got a little friend there?" I said as I shook the little girls hand that was in sheridens arms.

"Yeah, this is mia, she is Carlos' cousin. She is beautiful isn't she?" Sheriden said as she gently patted down mia's hair.

"Hello mia" I said to the little girl.  
"Awww she is so cute" I agreed with sheriden.

Mia must of been about 2, with beautiful shiny ringlets in her almost black hair.

I smiled at her then turned my attention back to the dance off. I couldn't help notice kendall who was sat on the sofa with a beer in his hand looking at sheriden holding mia.

God knows what had entered his head right now.

Logan conquered James on the dance mat, James stepped off and took mia from sheriden.  
He must of known mia well, she seemed very pleased to see him

"Princess!" Logan shouted just as Carlos and Jess walked in the room.

Sheriden raised an eyebrow to Logan who was very pissed by now.

"dare you challange the loganator to a dance off?" Logan said in a medieval voice.

Sheriden laughed at him "no Logan sorry, my backs not up to jumping around today"

"Come on then reno..." Logan said to me, gesturing me back on to the dance mat.

"Reno?" I laughed as I stood back on the mat.

Kendall had stood up now, I think Tina was scaring him slightly on the sofa.  
He came and stood near my mat hollaring me to win. He was drunk too.

I think logans downfull on the dancemat was his drunkeness... Or he let me win.  
But either way I thrashed him and became undesputed dance mat champion.

Kendall gave me some whoop whoops and a naughty kiss to celebrate my success.

"It's official Reno has now passed the test to become one of us" Logan declared.

He was so drunk, I laughed at him calling me Reno again... but I liked having a nickname.

"How about another go paisley?" Came a female voice from behind me.  
It was Jess, she was removing her high heeled shoes in preperation to obliterate me on the dance mat.

"Sure okay Jess" I said with a smile.  
I really did not have much of a back bone and would remain being polite to someone while they continued to trample all over me. This was one of those times.

I couldn't even bare to look at sheriden just incase she gave me the look to say 'don't you dare lose'.  
I knew I wouldn't win, Jess was a proffessional dancer. And she meant business.

I gave it my best shot but low and behold completly lost to her.

Logan held her arm up in the air declaring Jess the champion.

Jess smiled at me with a 'fuck you' face on her.

Kendall took my hand and walked with me out to the kitchen to fill up our drinks, I was starting to feel a bit squiffy myself now.

"You alright?" I asked him.

"Yeah fine why?" He replied.

"I saw you looking at sheriden with the little girl in her arms... you looked a thousand miles away" I said giving his hand a little squeeze.

Kendall smiled at me."just got lost in thought paisley that's all. I'm not gonna lose the plot again so don't worry"

I smiled, he reached out for a drink on the kitchen side and accidentally brushed against my breasts.

I looked up at him with a smirk on my face.  
"Well that was rude" he said with a smile then leaned down to kiss me.

"Kendall get a room bro!" Came logans voice as he entered the kitchen to get a drink.

As we walked out in to the dining room I saw sheriden saying goodbye to some of Carlos' family. Carlos was getting mobbed by female relatives as he also said his farewells.  
Once they had gone it left Carlos' brothers, the parents of mia and her older brother Michael. And all of big time rush and their dates.

I felt more comfortable now, as people I knew, now out weighed the people I didnt.

Looking at Jess I think she had a similar thought.

Sheriden had made her way to the kitchen to get a drink. I think she must of held back in the presence of the older generation so as not to dissapoint.

Kendall and I walked back in to the lounge but found that everyone had piled in to the garden through the patio doors at the back of the room.

Logan was attempting to teach cougar Tina how to do a back flip.  
It really was hilarious viewing.  
Logan managed one but completly fucked the other one up landing on his side. He was far too drunk.

"James you show her" Logan said still sprawled on the floor.

James handed mia to kendall and walked over to the grass and did a back flip on demand, i then watched as he tried to help Tina first of all do one in slow motion.  
He tried to spin Tina round like a majorette would with a baton.

I was in hysterics, I turned to look at kendall but he had just walked back in the house, I followed.

"Hey where you off to" I asked as i caught up.

"She is crying" he replied .  
I looked at mia, her little face was sad looking with big scared eyes filled with tears.

"Give her here" I said holding my arms out.  
I took mia from kendall, she instantly cheered up with my goofy faces and silly voice.

Kendall looked at me and smiled. Sheriden walked up to us  
"There you are" she said to mia." It's time for you to go home to bed honey" she cooed.

Sheriden looked up to kendall.  
"Paisley looks at home there kendall" she said nudging him with her elbow in his side.

Kendall again just smiled.  
Sheriden took mia from me and her and Carlos said goodbye to the little family of four,  
Jess hadn't bothered to say goodbye to anyone seeing as this get together was meant to be for her benefit.

Carlos, kendall, sheriden and I walked out to the garden to find james, Tina and Jess doing some bizarre things.  
I think the back flip teaching had now turned in to a how low can you do the splits competition.  
Logan was sat with Antonio and andres just to the side of the grassy area.

"Sheri!" James called "come do your thing" he waved sheriden over.  
Obviously not wanting to be out done by Jess, sheriden obeyed.  
She also took her sandals off and did a complete sideways split with her body laying as low as the ground.

"You want to have a go?" Kendall nudged me with a smile.  
I laughed "no way I cant do anything like that.

Kendall was drunk, he slapped my ass then winked at me.

"Okay you bunch of show offs, let's do something everyone can play" Carlos shouted rather over excitedly.

He went off and came back with 3 large poles, I then realised as he set it up on his lawn that it was a limbo game.  
Kendall laughed and I shook my head, clearly Carlos' house was indeed the one stop party place.

"Almost everyone can play" sheriden said as she eyed up the limbo.

"You can play for a bit shoo stop moaning" Carlos retorted.  
They really were like brother and sister with all the bitching that went on between them.

Kendall was eager to win this game and opted to go first. The limbo wasnt that low yet but kendall took his top off and threw it on the floor.

"If you make it under you get one shot, if you knock it off its three shots and your out" Carlos said as he came back from the kitchen brandashing a bottle of tequila and a handfull of shot glasses.

Kendall made it under with ease and downed the tequila that awaited him at the finish.

Next was Logan who just about made it, then I went, wishing for once that my boobs were not quite so large.

Then sheriden, Antonio, James, Jess, andres , Tina and Carlos

As the stick got lower so did the tequila bottle.

Only kendall, James, sheriden, Jess, and Antonio were left in the game as the stick got so low.

As Jess scooted under on the last go of that round, she came up successfull and downed another shot of tequila.

The stick got lower. It was Sheridens turn, she got in to position to limbo but eventually declared she was unable to do it with out causing herself some harm.  
She kissed james good luck. He now took his shirt off but he fell on to his back with the giggles and kendall had to help him up.  
He downed his 3 shots and put his tee shirt back on.  
Antonio stormed it, as did kendall.  
Jess unfortunatly did too.  
The next round saw Antonio get defeated and to my Surprise so did Jess.

Kendall was delighted he had won.  
Jess had a face like thunder, I could see Carlos kissing her in an attempt to cheer her up.

Everyone was pretty wasted by this point.  
I sat down on a step with kendall and rested my head on his shoulder, he still had no shirt on.

"You having fun?" he asked me.

"Yep... you lot are insane" I declared.

I kissed kendall. He was funny drunk, a lot more relaxed with himself, I felt he had let the guard down he sometimes put up.

"Reno!" Logan called me "sing us a song"

"Go on" kendall said " I have it on good authority that Jess is a terrible singer... you will Definately win" he grinned.

I wasnt going to argue with that, I kissed kendall again with a quick tease of my tongue, his eyes smiled at me.

We went inside to where everyone had now moved. Which was a reception / music room it had a piano similar to james' one from the studio in the corner. A couple of guitars laying about and a small drum set

James sat at the piano waiting for me "what do you wanna sing pais" he asked.

I thought about the songs I had done all week in the studio, most were slow ballads.  
"Can I pick anything at all?" I asked.

"Yeah course" he replied.

I whispered in his ear if he knew the song that I had chosen.  
"Really?" He asked bemused.

I nodded and james laughed.  
James then stood up and took kendall out of the room with him.  
I felt ridiculous. I Knew i should of just chosen a song from the studio.  
They walked back in after a few minutes and James sat on a chair and picked up a guitar and kendall picked up the drum sticks.  
"I apologise if I fuck this up pais, I'm pretty pissed" kendall said as he sat behind the drums.

"Ready when you are pais" kendall said  
I gave him the nod and he tapped the sticks to give James a timing to start the intro.

By the look on Sheridens face she certainly wasn't expecting to hear what came out my mouth.

The song was called DEAD, and was a firm favorite with me, it was a my chemical romance song with a load of heavy drums in it, and very far away from my angelic voice I sang halleloujah to the other day.  
I rocked it. The alcohol helping me tremendously strut my stuff around that music room infront of everyone.  
I finished standing on Carlos' piano, it was insane. I felt amazing.

"REENO! Where the fuck did that come from?" Logan joyfully screamed at me and lifted me down from the piano.

Everyone was clapping at me, apart from jess of course who had her arms crossed over her chest.

"I used to be a bit of a goth" I laughed.

James was smiling away at me " oh my god paisley, that was brilliant, we are gonna have to re think this album" he said still in shock at my rock chic performance.

Kendall got up from his drums and walked towards me, he lifted me up round his waist and began walking us out the door " right we are off to have sex now!" He joked to everyone, then kissed me.

I laughed at him as he put me down.  
"You are Definately my kind of girl pais" he said as he leaned in for another kiss.

As the night moved on we ended up sat at the massive table with just a mountain of alcohol in front of us to be consumed.  
Tina had confessed that she works in a strip bar. We then got a preview of her routine on top of Carlos' table.

Sheriden was completly fucked out of her face, she was draped over Antonio with her eyes half closed. James wasn't in much of a better state and Logan had been sick in carlos' garden twice but was still good to go.

I was sat on kendalls lap, he was kissing my neck and had a full on erection digging in to me.

"Your a bad boy kendall Schmidt" I announced after kendall had just whispered what he intended doing with me when we got back to his house.

Logan looked at us and smiled a cheeky grin.  
Then carlos joked "you are not staying here tonight!" So I gathered kendalls whisper was a bit louder than intended.

"How long have you and Carlos been a thing jess?" Antonio asked from across the table. Sheriden successfully whispered something in Antonios' ear that made him smile, James must of caught it too as he gave out a little chuckle also.

Jess eyed the three of them, like they were Satan in disguise.

"Since 4th July really but officially dating for 3 weeks now" Carlos answered as logans drink sprayed out his mouth and he also had a chuckle.

"What the fuck was that?" Carlos said to Logan giving him evil eyes as he wiped spray off his arm.

"So are you in love with carlos, jess?" Sheriden slurred at her.

"After 3 weeks how am i meant to know that? Of course your usually knocked up by then aren't you sheriden?" Jess spat back.

"Hey... that's out of order!" Logan said to Jess.

Jess rolled her eyes."just saying that 3 weeks is not enough time to tell if I love someone" she clarified.

"What about you paisley? Are you head over heels with kendall?" Carlos asked me.

Logan Butted in with "I think they are more still in the heels over her head stage" every one laughed as they looked at kendall and I, and the fact we couldnt keep our hands off each other.

I smiled "I love kendall, I'm not scared to admit that" I raised an eyebrow to Jess with my own 'fuck you face'.

"James does that not bother you?" Jess asked eyeing up sheriden draped all over Antonio.

James looked at sheriden, she winked at him and he scruffed her hair up with his hand.  
"Nope Antonio is her bro, they are close and sheriden is a cuddly person anyway, she can lean on or hug anyone she wants. It doesn't worry me, she always does it"

"Yeah but he isn't really a brother though is he" Jess argued.

Carlos shook his head at Jess.

"Paisley can i ask you something?" Tina said.

I gave Logan a scared look, and i heard James chuckle.

"Sure..." I replied.

"Are your tits real?" She said with as little dignity as she had.

"Fuck sake" kendall sighed out with a laugh.

"No they're not" I replied and saw a huge grin on kendalls face, I also noticed sheriden was smiling at me too, I guess she knew kendall liked big boobs.

"Are yours?" I relayed the same question back to her, already knowing the answer.

"No way" she laughed with a juggle of her big boobs.

"Sheriden?" Tina asked.

Sheriden smiled "if I told you I would have to kill you" she laughed.  
Obviously sheriden had a boob job somewhere along the line too then.

"What about you Jess?" Sheriden asked thick with sarcasm.

"Ha fucking ha" Jess replied.

"Really though even if they are small you should still cover them up, you might have Carlos' eye out in a minute" sheriden spat.

"Sheriden I would really advise you to shut the fuck up" Jess hissed back at her.

"Or what?" Sheriden said.

"I'm going out for a smoke" kendall announced having heard enough bitching from the girls.

"Yeah think I'll join you" andres said. kendall guided me back on to his seat before he walked out to the garden with Carlos' brother andres.

"See look you have driven him away again sheriden" Jess carried on her arguements looking at kendall as he walked out the door.

it pissed me off that jess kept dragging kendall in to her bitching "Jesus! Are you for real? Who exactly do you think you are" the words popped out my mouth before my brain could stop them.

Jess stood up and walked over to me.

"I think its more who do you think you are, you look like just a silly little girl to me" Jess said about 4 inches from my face.  
I could feel everyones eyes on me.

"Jess sit down" Carlos said. She went back to her seat.

"You don't half pick them carlos" sheriden said shaking her head.

"Oh fuck off sheriden, your love life isnt exactly plain sailing is it?" Carlos argued back in his girlfriends defence.

"Carlos I think your right you know... I bet it was James' baby"  
Jess said with a smile on her face.

"Carlos what the fuck?" Sheriden was really pissed off.

"Shoo I never said that" Carlos argued giving Jess his own 'what the fuck?' Eyes.

Antonio looked at his brother and shook his head.

"I can't believe you would talk shit about me to that slut!" Sheriden shouted.

"Slut?" Jess screamed back at her.

Sheriden had tears in her eyes at carlos' brotherly betrayel  
"Carlos you do know your not the only one that fucked her on the 4th july sat at this table, then she tried to fuck James too... so yes slut!" Sheriden rambled her drunken sentance out.

Jess chucked her drink at sheriden but her aim was terrible and it went all over James.

James stood up drenched.

Logan walked off to the garden.

"logan wait..." sheriden called, but he had already gone.

"Carlos can I have a word" James finally spoke. carlos and him left for the garden.

Kendall and andres walked back in.

"What the fuck is going on in here?" Kendall asked looking at sheriden in tears.

James came back in to the dining room on his own  
"Cmon sheri were off" he said

He helped the very drunk sheriden up and walked out the door without saying a word to anyone else.

Kendall looked at me. Carlos walked in to the room.  
"Jess I've called you a cab. I would like you to leave please" he said  
He was covered in mud and grass. I wondered if James had had a bit of a pop at him

Jess shook her head."carlos please... least hear me out?" She pleaded.

She stood up and pulled carlos to the kitchen and shut the door behind them.

I looked at tina, she got up and walked out to find Logan.

"Sorry guys" kendall said to Antonio and Andres and he pulled me up and we too went out the front door.

As we went outside we could see James and sheriden. Sheriden was sat on a small wall with a pissed off looking james.

Sheriden swayed with her phone in her hand crying.

"What's going on?" Kendall asked again.

"Logan hates me, he won't answer his phone" sheriden wailed, I could hardly understand what she was saying. She was so very drunk.

"Sheri he is fine, he doesn't hate you" James said giving her a pat on the back.

James spoke to kendall "Sheri let it slip that jess had fucked Logan that night in Michigan, and Logan then walked away" James sighed "that was all that happened"

"I didnt know he slept with Jess... how did i miss that?" Kendall replied.

I sat next to sheriden on the small garden wall, she was trying to dial logans number. She was that drunk she couldnt figure out how to do it.

"Sheriden do you want me to try?" I asked.

Sheriden handed me the phone, I dialled but the phone just kept ringing.

"Will you go back and find him i want to say sorry" she said to me.

"I will go and get him" James said . kendall looked at me, and I nodded for him to follow James.

"Sheriden Logan loves you, he wont care about this" I said trying to stop her tears.

She looked at me. Her eyes rolled about in her head, I was surprised she hadnt been sick yet.

"Your a lovely girl paisley prince. Make sure you look after him. He is an amazing person" she slurred.

"Thanks I definately will sheriden" I replied.

"James said that you have a baby is that right?" She said.

The question stopped me in my tracks, where would James of got that information from. Then it dawned on me that I had said " I told you about my own baby" to kendall in front of James that day we found sheriden, when I was being accused of telling kacey .

"No i don't have a baby sheriden, I got pregnant once but ... my mom ... she said it was best to not go through with it"

Sheriden held my hand, "mothers huh... who needs them" she said.

Just then logan came out of the house and sat the other side of sheriden.  
"What's all these tears for princess" he said as he wiped her face.  
He gave her a smile, she looked dreadfull now, big panda eyes from her make up spoiling her pretty face.

Sheriden just cried even more  
"Sheriden I wasnt angry at you, i went off coz i was half expecting a punch off carlos... which i got, but its cool now. Cmon princess"

A cab pulled in to Carlos' garden.

"It's for Jess" i declared.

"I will go and tell them" Logan said as he got up from his seat on the wall and kissed sheriden on the head,  
He got half way to the door when it swung open and jess flew out in a drunken rage. Carlos , James and kendall followed soon after.

"It's all your fault you fucking whore" she screamed at sheriden

Sheriden didn't say anything back to jess.

"Why didnt you just top yourself while you had the chance you junky Bitch"

Sheriden now laughed at Jess. But jess didn't find any of it amusing. Jess then tried to attack sheriden. I briefly heard James say "shit!" As he was worried sheriden would be brought down off the wall she was sat on.

I stood up and pushed Jess back, to which I got clawed by the evil Bitch in the face, then Carlos kind of just tackled her inside the cab.

"You alrite pais?" Kendall asked as he took a good look at my face.

"Yeah its nothing" I replied. But it hurt like fuck.

"Sheriden why do you do it everytime?" Carlos said.

"Do what?"sheriden said.

"Ruin things for me, you did it with tammi too, you can never keep ya trap shut, ever, can you. You wonder why i talk about you to girls... its to pre fuckin warn them. As far as im concerned you have over stayed your welcome in this family. You only care about your self" Carlos finished talking then stropped inside like an angry child.

Sheriden started crying again.  
"I'll go have a word if you like" i said to kendall. He just gave me a nod. James followed me inside the house.

Antonio was shouting at carlos.  
James walked up and just pushed carlos over. Carlos looked shocked as he sat sprawled on the floor. James then picked him up and rammed him up against the wall.  
I don't think Carlos had seen James like this before.  
I had.

"James cmon man" antonio said, worried for his brother.

"What the fuck are you doing talking to her like that!... she has been out of hospital for two weeks 'los, you know how she's been... how dare you fucking do that to her" James let go of his hold on carlos.

"No james, I've had it, there's only so much shit i can take from her" carlos replied straightening out his shirt.

"Shit? Do you have any idea how much she worships the ground you walk on. How much she has done for you... fuck carlos! she gave you a roof over your head so you could do big time rush"

"Sheriden didn't make you lose tammi, tammi was a dick, she dumped you because she was fucking that model from Seattle, and last saturday your lovely Jess started on pais" James looked at me "then she made a shitty comment about Sheridens baby.

Logan came in now, and took james away in the kitchen to calm him down.

Carlos kind of slid down the wall and sat on the floor, I sat next to him and Antonio sat at the table.

"Carlos we are all just really pissed, everything will be better in the morning" I said.

"I'm just so fed up you know, she can never just except life, she always has to fuck it up" Carlos said.

"Carlos look. James is right, you cant let sheriden feel like that, how bad would you feel if she did something stupid coz you said she wasn't part of your family any more?"

"Shit" he replied

"Exactly, you guys are so close. It's not worth fucking it up over a girl" i gave carlos' leg a pat.

"Since we moved to LA i know she has been thinking that she was looking after me, but my dad made me promise to keep a close eye on her. After only a few months she was off with James, i said to him I wasn't happy then it was kendall... sorry.  
I said I wasnt happy about that too but she carried on anyway, then it was james again, so why does she always think she can control my life when she doesn't care about what I think ever" Carlos finished his rant.

"Im not sure why Carlos but james and kendall are good people, I don't know what tammi was like but Jess is... well she slept with you then with one of your best friends in the same night. Thats not great is it?" I explained

"Carlos go and say sorry to her" antonio said.

"I liked Jess" Carlos said.

"Well explain it to sheriden don't just go off on one at her" antonio added.

James came out the kitchen drinking a beer, he still looked angry.

"I'm sorry man" Carlos said to James.

James also sat on the floor next to carlos.  
Logan stood in the doorway of the kitchen.

"Im sorry too bro, but she has been so fucked up lately it scares the life out of me... I cant lose her carlos"

"You won't lose her. She didnt intend to kill herself. She just wanted to forget everything" Antonio reassured James.

"how do you know that?" Carlos asked his brother.

"I call her Carlos, and talk to her, I dont tell my girlfriend secrets about her life" Antonio answered sarcastically.

"Yeah I didnt say i thought it was your baby james, Jess twisted my words" carlos explained to james.

"Hey where is andres?" Logan spoke from the doorway.

"He went to bed, he has to get up at 6am for a flight back to florida" antonio answered

I looked at the time on sheridens cell phone i still held in my hand, it was almost half past 2 in the morning.

James looked at the phone "is Sheri still outside?" He asked.

"Yeah kendall is with her" Logan replied.

"Well I best go and make friends" carlos sighed out as he stood up and walked out his front door.

"You alrite?" I asked james.

"Yeah..." James sighed "looks like some of us had a better night" he smiled as he looked at tina passed out in a chair at the dining table.

Carlos walked back in " they're not out there" he said.

I got up and walked outside. I couldnt see them anywhere either.

James ran up the road to see if he could spot them but he came back alone.

The cell in my hand rung. It had Antonio as the caller id.

"Shit I've got her phone" I said to James .

James got his phone out of his pocket and tried kendall but Logan appeared at the door with it.  
Kendall had left it on the table.

"Where are they James" I asked tears now filling my eyes.

"I don't know... FUCK!" James shouted.

I don't know what was running through james' head but a drunk kendall and a drunk sheriden missing together was bad.

"I'm gonna go find her, i bet they went home" James said taking his shirt off for the second time tonight and then ran off .


	39. Chapter 39

**KENDALLS STORY**

"Bro I'm gonna sort James out before he kills 'los" Logan said as he ran in and left me with the sobbing sheriden.

I honestly think I've seen her cry more than smile in the years I've known her.

"Shoo where are you going?" I called as Sheriden stumbled out of Carlos' garden.

"Home" she cried back at me.

"Your going the wrong way, James' house is that way" I mocked her. I've never seen her this drunk before.

"I'm going to my home to get my passport and then going back to England"

I laughed at the drunken plans that sheriden now had in her head.

"Are you now?" I caught up with her and guided her to the side of the little track road so she couldn't get run down by any passing traffic."shoo your pissed you don't know what your doing, come back to Carlos'" I tried to reason.

"He doesn't want me" she slurred

"And when have you taken any notice of Carlos" I argued.

"Once" sheriden smiled through her tears.

"And how did that work out for you?" I asked

"He told me to stay away from James and I ended up with you" she said with a giggle.

"Fantastic... it wasn't all bad shoo, we had a laugh when it was good"

"Your a very attenta.. atenat..attentative lover... Mr Schmidt" she smiled at one of the many memories we had shared as a couple.

"Well if you wasn't so drunk I would prob try and re live some of those memories now" I confessed. I would take her back in the blink of an eye.

"Well its going to have to be a long distance relationship kendall... England wants me... you lot don't"

We walked on further down the small road.  
"So your just gonna leave James here while you magically find your way back to England" I chuckled at her.

She stopped and looked at me  
"He will be better off with out me" and she started walking again with a fresh batch of tears howling out.

"Sheriden cmon, I'm fucked if I'm gonna follow you about... your not even wearing any shoes"

"I don't care, I can buy shoes in England" she sobbed.

"Do you actually have keys to your house?" I asked

She tapped the little bag that was swinging by her hip.

"Shoo please its cold, I don't have a shirt on..." but she kept stumbling on.

Fuck sake. She never used to be like this. The sheriden I knew and loved was so ... well I dont know but this isn't the same girl, drunk or not.

"You think they will let you on a plane in that state?... I don't think so sheriden... this is fucking ridiculous" I was getting pissed off now.

"Go back kendall... I don't need you... I dont need anyone" she declared, then fell down a small gulley that run along the track road.

I ran up to check she was okay  
"Shoo you alrite... ya back okay?" I asked looking down at her, she was covered in mud.

"Yeah...think so" she simply replied as I helped her up.

She then started crying... again  
"I want my mum" she announced sounding very British. I gave her a hug with some sympathetic words.

"Well no one can get you your mom shoo, but you can call Carlos' mom, or James' mom... prob best not to call James' mom just yet though..."

"Why didn't your mum like me kendall?" She wailed "I tried so hard but she was so nasty all the time"

It amused me that a drunk sheriden had almost forgot her American accent, I wondered if it was kind of made up, and this was the true sheriden Lloyd.

"She told me that we just wernt suited shoo... she just wanted to protect me... that's all"

"I'm a nice girl once you get to know me though aren't I ?"

I laughed as I looked in to her big blue teary eyes "sheriden Lloyd you are the most nicest, beautiful girl I know"

She gave me a hug and sobbed on my shoulder, if it wasn't so dark I would expect to see the make up imprint of her pretty face left on me.

We carried on walking down the trackroad. We were now nearer her house than Carlos'.

"Kendall... we had fun didn't we" she slurred out.

"Yeah it was... different" I laughed "let's not talk about all that now though"

"I did love you .. I did" she said.

"Yep I know" I replied. Really not wanting to get dragged down by her misery, I had, had a pretty good night despite all this shit. I hoped paisley had too.

Sheriden then propped her self up against a fence and puked everywhere.

"Shit shoo..." I rubbed her back but she waved me away, it made her throw up more.

I went to grab my phone to call James, I draw the line at looking after the puking girl that decided to run off with my best friend.  
"Fuck!" I patted my pockets down "Sheriden give me your phone, I left mine back there"  
I helped myself to Sheridens shoulder bag trying to find her phone to call James. She was still heaving her guts up.

"Where is it?" I asked as she finally finished yakking.

"It's in there" she said now chucking the contents of the bag out herself.

It wasn't in there.

"Oh my god... I've lost it" she got on all fours trying to find the lost phone.  
In happier circumstances this would have been an amusing sight. I doubt sheriden had been this drunk since she had left England.

"Shoo get up, you had it at the house its still there I expect"

"It's got everything on it... I need it... if someone reads some of the things James texts me... you know he wants to get married!"

I rolled my eyes, the thought of maslow and sheriden getting married made my stomach reach.

"Great" I replied."cmon let's get to your house and use the phone... paisley will be pissed off that I've just left her"

i pcked up crap she had chucked out her bag and shoved it back in. We turned down another street. I looked at my watch it was gone 3am now.

"Do I smell of sick" sheriden asked me.

"I can't smell anything sheriden. I'm sure your fine" I replied.

She seemed to have gone from being very sad to now acting like a happy child, she was attempting to walk along the curb like a tight rope walker.

"Sheriden be careful, if you fall your gonna fuck ya back up"

"Why are you so boring kendall, you never used to be like that"

"I actually think that has something to do with you" I replied.

"What I made you boring?" She said with a hand on her hip trying to keep her balance on the curb.

"You made me cautious... I find it hard to trust my instincts, especially with girls"

She looked at me." It never would of lasted... even with our baby" she said, still smiling.

"Really?... still would of been nice to give it a try without all the shit that happened" I said, now dragged in to the conversation. "was it my baby sheriden... honestly?" Hopefull to get a truthfull answer now she was so pissed.

Sheriden stopped being in the circus and walked up to me...

this was it. The truth... finally.

I recieved a full on slap across the face.

"Fuck!.. what are you doing?... you crazy fucking bitch" I shouted at her.

"Yes it was yours. I loved you so fucking much... you... Dick head"

She pushed me but she was the only one that moved, she stumbled back, I had to grab her so she wouldn't fall.

As I held her against me I looked in to her blue eyes. She was very almost the same height as me. And only smelt of...I dunno just nice things. Her hair smelt great.  
It would be so easy to kiss her right now...

I let go... but she pulled me in by my neck that she now grabbed and went to kiss me but instead head butted me square in the nose.

"Fuck!" I said as I stumbled about in pain.

Sheriden had the giggles..."oh my god... I'm so sorry" she laughed.

"Why are you trying to kiss me?" I asked stumbling around with my face in my hands. My eyes watered.

"I really have no idea... I'm sorry... your bleeding... a lot" she said looking at my torso as blood poured from my face to my chest.

I laughed " fuck sake woman, your mental!"

She smiled, her face looked awful, makeup smeared all round her eyes and covered in mud. But still the most beautiful girl in the world.

I sat down on the curb with my head inbetween my knees trying to stop my nose pouring with blood.

Sheriden sat next to me.

"Your not content with trying to kill yourself all the time you thought you would hunt me down" I said sarcastically as I rolled my eyes.

"What do you mean all the time? I haven't ever tried to kill myself" she said.

"Well your very accidental then. Falling down ski slopes and crashing cars... taking drugs" I replied.

Sheriden gave a small smile, I think she had sobered up enough to realise the sillyness that tonight had become.

"It hurts you know... watching you with paisley all evening" she said quietly.

"Your having a laugh aren't you. You and James don't exactly hide anything...I remember that day you came on the bus on the way up to Chicago, you gave some bull shit excuse you felt sick and had sex with James in logans bed...any idea how that felt?"

"Sorry kendall... that was stupid... I also thought we was pretty quiet...but, let me finish... it hurts but I'm glad you have her kendall, she is really nice... a lot more... sensible, you need someone like that. Me and you are too similar"

"So what's amazing James then? I always thought his cock ruled his head. He isn't exactly Mr sensible is he" I moaned.

Before sheriden, James would fuck anything that moved, him and Logan would get in to all sorts of situations with shagging girls everynight.

"James is the most sensible person I know kendall. I don't know how he puts up with me most the time... he must be really worried about me now"

I looked at the time 3:30.  
"Cmon then let's back to yours"

It took about ten more minutes to get to Sheridens. The electronic gates that fenced off her house were now shut, I punched the number in and they opened.

Sheriden placed her hand in mine as we entered the drive.

"You alrite?" I asked.

She shook her head " I've not been back here since... you know"

I slipped my hand away from hers and slung my arm over her shoulder, giving her a squeeze.  
"It's alrite shoo... cmon" I guided her up to the front door.

As I unlocked the door for her I tried to make her terrified looking face smile "so you still boarding a plane to buy shoes in England or just phoning amazing James?"

She did smile "amazing James" she whispered.

I nodded, as we walked in I flipped the lights. the mansion still looked as awesome as it always did, white winding stairs greeted us.  
A pile of post had been placed on the side table next to the ornate looking telephone

I dialled James number.

"Sheriden!?" James answered after only half a ring.

"No man its me, she is fine. Pissed as a fart, we are at her house... just got here" I replied.

"Fucksake why did you just fuck off? paisleys gone home, she is seriously fucked off with you" James moaned.

"No... sheriden fucked off. What was I meant to do, just leave her to it to get run over. She was trying to go to fly England" I laughed at the ridiculous plan again.

"What?... oh fuck sake. I will be there in a bit. Don't move okay" James ordered then the phone went dead.

"he is on his way but paisleys gone" I sat on the winding steps where sheriden had planted herself.

"I'm sorry... call her" sheriden said waggling a drunken unsteady hand towards the phone.

"I don't know her number off by heart" I said.

"But you know James'?" Sheriden burst out laughing.

"Fuck sake" I stood up." You want a coffee" I asked as I headed in to the kitchen flipping light switches as I went.

"No..." came her reply. I made myself one... black of course. It looked like someone had cleared the fridge of all its contents.

"So when are you moving to bel air?" I called out to the direction of the hallway entrance.  
no reply...

"Sheriden...when are you moving to bel air?" I stirred my coffee then walked back out to the stairs, she had gone... great!

The lights had turned on upstairs so I walked up to find her.

She was sat on the bathroom floor crying. The scenario gave me memorys I didnt want to have.  
I sat down with her.  
"Here have this" I said to her as I passed her my coffee. She took it, least if she was drinking she couldn't cry.

"It's still just a bathroom shoo... its not the end of the world. It has more memories than what your thinking of now" I looked around the large en suite.  
Mostly white and chrome, with a large bath and separate shower.

"I've had sex more times in this room than you've had overdoses" I said in an attempt to cheer her up.

She did a bit "funny really seeing as the bed is just through there" she added cracking a grin to a beautiful smile.

"You were on the pill weren't you?" I asked. Never actually understanding how we bacame to almost be parents.

"Yeah I was... just one of those things, I must of messed up somewhere" she confessed.

"I think we all mess up sometimes" I whispered.

"James said something tonight that made me think... he said that you always hug people, you know coz Jess moaned about you being all over Antonio. He was right you do always do that, you have always done that. You did that with James when I was with you, and you rested your head on my lap last week when we was watching friends... I just wish I hadnt of seen it differently when we was together"

"You wouldn't have paisley now though... she is so in love with you kendall"

"yeah I know she is" i thought of paisley, her gorgeous tanned skin, and her long black hair, her awesome tits. she was really cool, very easy going...sensible.

"Do you love her?" Sheriden asked just as James walked in the room.

"Jesus Sheri" he said as he looked at the state of her.  
"Are you okay?"

Sheriden started crying again at the familiar sight of her amazing James. I stood up then with James' help lifted sheriden off the floor.

"Bed time for you shoo" I said as we walked back through to the bedroom.

"No I don't want to stay here, I want to go back to James'" she argued.

"Sheri its gone 4 now, we might aswell just stay here" James reasoned "cmon I'll sit with you on the sofa" and with that I got handed her coffee cup and James picked her up and carried her down stairs.

He layed sheriden down on the sofa, she was pretty much already passed out. I sat in the chair opposite. James covered her with a blanket then lifted her feet up and sat down then rested her feet back on his lap.

James let out a laugh..."what the hell did you two do, get in a fight?" He asked looking at my bruised face from a slap and blood drenched body.

I shook my head and laughed."no she fell down a ditch, slapped me coz I asked if the baby was mine... and she accidently head butted me in the nose... she is a charm James".

James laughed looking at sheriden covered in mud and make up.

"Paisley was really upset mate. She had it in her head you two had run off together... I think it may take more than a bunch of flowers to fix"

I let out a long sigh "great! Sheriden went off to catch a plane to England to get away from us all. Do you think pais will believe that?"

James laughed "Christ... that girl ay... I don't think England would have her back"  
James looked at sheriden. She was completly out of it now, I doubt a nuclear blast would wake her up.

"Kendall... I've been meaning to talk to you..when Sheri and I are properly moved in to the new place, we are planning to have a party of our own..." he said.

"Oh right cool... don't let her drink!" I took the piss looking at sheriden.

James looked at her also and smiled.

"Well what I wanted to talk to you about is... well I'm gonna ask her to marry me. Infront of everyone, I wanted to let you know so you can come up with an excuse to not come... if you didn't wanna come that is. She will probably say no, she usually does, I've asked her a bunch of times..."

I sat there taking in the news that James was planning to marry the girl I thought would somehow... some way come back to me.  
I looked at sheriden, her beautiful face now looking so peaceful now she was asleep.  
I looked at James. He was looking at me... giving me time to think about a polite way of saying fuck you... coz that's what I wanted to say. Why does he always get what he wants. Yet I always get second choice. Paisley... I wondered where she was. She was amazing tonight singing. I could feel a smile stretch out on my face at the memory of it.  
Was pais my second choice compared to sheriden?. I looked at sheriden again. She was clearly insane in her own little way. Ever since I first met her she had caused a stir wherever she went, that's what sheriden Lloyd did.  
All I ever wanted was to love her... a peaceful life.  
Sheriden was right. It never would of lasted with us. I don't think I ever loved her as much as maslow does... but he is clearly insane too, to put up with it.

"You really want to spend the rest of your life with her?" I chuckled as I looked at the mud monster sheriden

"If she let's me, yeah... I know you still love her, but I do to... so much" he said

"I don't think I do love her, I think I'm in love with a memory of her" I said as I gazed at her still.

"So do you think you wanna watch me get turned down in bel air infront of everyone" James said breaking me from my gaze I had on his girlfriend.

"I will be there bro'... just don't ask me to be best man" I smiled

"Sure thing" James said looking at Sheridens dirt black feet.

"Kendall... you guys didn't ... do anything tonight did you?"

I laughed..."oh how the tables turn... no bro, just a hug"

James laughed "you can stay in Carlos' old room if you wanna stay the night"

"Yeah okay cheers... is paisley at her hotel?" I got up and made my way to the door.

"yes she is" he replied as he chucked his phone at me."call her before Henderson does"

I shook my head with a smile. I dialled paisleys number as I walked out of the lounge, she answered

"Kendall fuck off" I got as my greeting.

"Pais I'm going to be with you in ten minutes okay"

"No forget it kendall"

"See you in ten baby. I'm calling a cab now"

"Kenda..." I Hung up before she could argue.

The cab arrived and dropped me off at the hotel.

The lift went up so slow but I finally arrived at her room.

She answered after my second knock.

"Pais listen to me..."

"Jesus what happened to you?" She eyed up the shirtless bloody mess that I was, and placed a hand on my face.

"That doesn't matter... this does... I love you, I really love you, and I think ive been in love with you since reno, I've just been scared thats all... paisley I love you so much... please say it back".

"I think you better come in" she said.


	40. Chapter 40

**PAISLEYS STORY**

How dare he think he can just phone me up at this tme in the morning after running off with his ex girlfriend. Its pretty obvious what they would of got up to.

Thats it now, I really do not want to know what he has to say.

The door knocked, I wasnt intending to open it, but I looked throught the peep hole in the door. it was Kendall, but he was covered in blood... What the fuck?

I opened up just as a second urgent knock pounded

"Pais listen to me..." kendall blurted out

"Jesus what happened to you?" I asked, shocked at the full extent of him covered in blood and mud and a fresh looking bruise on his face.

"That doesn't matter... this does... I love you, I really love you, and I think ive been in love with you since reno, I've just been scared thats all... paisley I love you so much... please say it back".

"I think you better come in" I said.

"sit down" I ordered, not wanting to take any of his bull shit but worrying so much as to how he got to end up like this.

kendall sat on the end of my bed in my hotel room, he looked so scary. obviously been punched, his face had dried blood running down it, and his chest, also covered in blood. and he had mud and allsorts stuck to him.

"did James do this to you?" I asked

"What?... no. course he didnt. Sheriden did. she accidently head butted me, caught me square in the face... she did slap me though but I probably deserved that" he replied.

he looked as happy as a little lamb despite looking like he had been maimed by a gladiator.

"where did you go?... did you have sex with sheriden?" i felt for sure he had, i had the feeling in my stomach.

"pais listen... sit down" he patted the bed for me to sit, i did. "sheriden was so drunk, she ran off from carlos' house saying shit about going back to England. I went with her cause she would of ended up run over or something, i didnt know i had left my phone at carlos'. sheriden was a big drunken pukey mess, she fell down a ditch, slapped my face then she banged her head on me fucking bout... thats all that happened...We didnt have sex, i kind of had the chance to kiss her, but i didnt. please i meant what i said. i love you pais. you make me happy, you make me feel loved, your funny, your cute, and you seem to really like me... did like me?"

I looked at kendall. his brilliant green eyes shone in my dimly lit room, he unearthed all the butterflies that lived in my stomach.

"I do like you still... baby I love you. you know I do" I rubbed his face again with my hand. the bruise looked worse in this light than it had in the light from the entrance hall. he was freezing cold.  
but he didnt seem to care he just smiled back like I had given him next weeks winning lottery numbers.

"paisley i'm sorry for everything tonight. I had no intention of running off with sheriden... that girl is completly nuts. james is welcome to her. honestly he is... i want you, only you"

i gave kendall a hug and kissed his face, "i love you" i whispered in his ear.

"i love you too... pais...i do"

i kissed him despite the state he was in, the kiss was slow, he still tasted of tequila, as i touched his body with my hands i could feel then just how cold he was, his chest felt like an ice block.

"your freezing" i said as i pulled away.

kendall just shrugged it off, he gazed at me through new loved up eyes.

"i'll go run you a shower" i walked out to the bathroom and turned the tap on, i waited for the water to run hot enough to warm kendall up.

kendall had followed me in to the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror. "shit look at the state of me" he said running a hand through his too dark to be blonde hair.

"bit of a wild night i guess huh" i said.

kendall stripped off out of his jeans and got under the shower, i got back in to bed and waited for him.

he emerged clean and dry, but completly naked in to my hotel room, all traces of his adventure with sheriden now gone apart from the red bruise on his face.

"can i stay the night?" he asked with a smile and a shrug of his shoulders.

"i dont think its night time any more kendall, the sun is up... but you can stay, i would like that." i flipped the covers open so he could climb in to bed with me.

he smelt of my strawberry body wash, i giggled as he wrapped me in his arms.  
"you dont smell very rock n roll now" i laughed

"you like me more rock than boy band then?" he asked as he snuggled in under my duvet, our faces almost touching.

"i just like you as you are" i replied as i kissed his nose.

kendall took my hand and placed it on his now very hard erection, his eyes smiled at me. he wasnt sure if i was still in a mood with him or not, but as a cheeky grin appeared on my face i think he got the message that i was fairly happy to be touching him.

as i stroked his hardness with my hand i felt him circle my backside with his palm, he gave my ass a little squeeze every now and again, he kissed me on my lips, he had clearly used my toothbrush as he no longer tasted of tequila.

he pulled my body in towards his so close, i just about had room to menouvre my hand on his stiffness. little moans of ecstasy would growl out of his mouth. i loved that sound so much. so masculine.

"pais" kendall breathed out heavily

"yeh?" i replied a bit too eagerly.

"get em out" he chuckled. i gave out a bit of a laugh too then released my grip on his erection and pulled my vest top off to free my breasts that kendall was obsessed by.

he was almost like a animal that had been freed from its cage as soon as they were visable. he kissed them all over, and climbed on top of me, i placed my hand back on his erection, pleasing him with every stroke of my palm.

kendall removed my little night shorts i wore and removed my hand from his grip on him, he entered me, slowly making love to me, i felt kind of tense but that just added to my pleasure of feeling him inside me,i think it added to his too, i felt my insides tighten around him. i ran my hands down kendalls back, he felt a lot warmer now, his skin felt smooth and strong as he rubbed his body against mine.

i came pretty quick, i think the night that we spent teasing eachother as i sat on his lap at carlos' table had turned us both on so much, that any kind of sex wasnt going to last long.

kendall climaxed but he didnt just roll over to sleep, he layed next to me, still touching me intimatley, i didnt know how much more i could take, he loved to please me.

i kissed along his shoulder as he lay still feeling me, and pleasuring me.

he made me come again, my eyes stayed open just long enough to see a smile of satisfaction on his face at his sexual efforts.

i was exhausted by the night and by the sex, i wrapped myself kendalls body, he gently stroked his hands along my side as i drifted of to sleep.

* * *

i woke up just before midday, my head hurt like hell...why did i do all those shots. i looked to the side of me and saw kendall, he was sleeping peacefully. i smiled to myself as i remembered that he loved me... i loved him so much.

it looked like his nose had bled a bit more in the night, some of it had been smudged on my pillow.

i wondered how sheriden was today. she was so drunk, i expect she will have a shamed face for a couple of days.

i got up and showered, got dressed. i wondered if i should wake kendall up but decided i would let him sleep. i checked my phone james had text me

_'still on for studio today? xox' _it read.

why wouldnt it be? i felt fine now really, just tired. i guess james was worried about my rant last night after he came back empty handed from his run trying to find sheriden and kendall... i do believe i called her a slag... oh god i hope he doesn't remember that!  
oh my! did i really jump up on that piano last night, flippin heck. i gave myself a bit of a chuckle.  
it amused me how much my life had changed in the past few weeks.

i text back.

_'hi, yea still on for studio. last night was crazy. how is sheridens head today_? x'

kendall started to stir, i sat on the side of the bed to greet him.

"hey" he said, his voice croaky from a late night of drinking and cigarettes.

"good afternoon" i replied, a bit too chirpy and loud for his liking as he squinted his eyes at me. "so... you said you loved me?" i smiled with a sceptic look.

kendall smiled "so i did" he said as he grabbed my waist and pulled me down next to him on the bed. he kissed me, his eyes didnt seem to want to open.

my phone buzzed with a text message.

i pulled myself up and grabbed it off the side.

it was james replying to me.

_' she was awful, had to take her to clinic at 8 this morning. she has fucked her back up from falling over last night. woke up and couldnt move. only just got back. waiting on tests but she is okay. see you at 3 xox'_

"sheriden had to go to the doctors" i informed kendall of my news i had just recieved.

"really? she wasnt that bad, she had sobered up loads by the time i left her" he said

"james said she fell over last night and done something to her back, but he says she is fine so no need to worry"

"yeah she did fall down a ditch but she got up, she seemed fine..." kendall added.

"well he still wants me in the studio, did you wanna come with me?" i asked with my big puppy dog eyes.

kendall looked at me, i could see in his face he didnt want to go anywhere today  
"yeah okay...need to stop by mine to get dressed though" he replied.

i was pleasantly surprised.

after we went to kendalls we arrived at the studio, both of us had our sunglasses on, the light definately was neither of our friends today, and i looked forward to crawling back in to kendalls bed tonight.

sheriden sat at a small table that was positioned in the studio, she looked fine considering last nights antics, she had crutches sat by her chair though.  
i was surprised she even came along today.

she made embarrassed eye contact with kendall, she did look away but then a smile cracked across her face. kendall gave her a hug laughing.

"what are you like, you complete nutter!" he mocked her.

she laughed "oh dont make me laugh kendall my back is killing today, im so sorry... about your face".

james seemed in good spirits too, i expect a small amount of alcohol still remained enough in our systems to help us carry on our day jobs.

i was meant to be recording a song today, but james must of been a bit concerned that my voice wasnt up to scratch as he just worked with amberleigh going over one that i had recorded a few days before while i rehersed on a new one he had written.

after an hour or so we all took a quick break and sat down with sheriden and kendall at the tiny table.

a lot of last nights dramas came back in the topic of conversation, but it had seemed most had been sorted out.  
carlos had apologised to sheriden over the phone this morning for his outburst last night, she had also apologised to him, and reluctantly said she was willing to give jess a chance as long as she could curb her attitude.

i was also filled in on the information that carlos had hit logan last night, but because both were so drunk, all that really happened was they rolled on the floor a bit.

logan admitted to him that he had no idea jess had just come from carlos' tour bus when he bumped in to her... despite all this and the fact she supposidly tried it on with james the following morning, her and carlos were still dating now.

sheridens cell phone ringing temporarily stopped the flow of laughter of our very messy night.

everyone sat silent so she could take her call.

"hello...?"

"yes it is. "

"okay excellent"

"is that necessary today...?"

"okay"

"yep thats fine, thanks so much for calling"

"okay you too.."

"bye.."

we all looked at her.

"doctors?" james asked.

"yeah they want me to go back down asap. they have news" sheriden said, she sounded cheery at this information, i guess she was used to her back causing her problems and always welcomed a quick fix.

james looked at me "pais is it alright if we finish up early? sheriden cant drive like that"

"yeah course, thats fine" i agreed.

"well i dont mind driving sheriden, im only sat here..." kendall said offering a lift in his car.

james looked at sheriden and shrugged as if to say, up to you?

"yeah thats fine, i dont mind that. makes sense i guess" she said after thinking it through.

kendall stood up and picked his keys and his phone from off the table making eye contact with me as he put it in his pocket, he gave me a smile, and i winked at him.

james helped sheriden up and handed her the crutches, she really did look like she was in a lot of pain.

"cmon i will help you out" he said to her as he gently guided her with a loving hand on her back towards the door that kendall had opened.

"he is so perfect isnt he?" amberleigh said about james as we watched them walk out the studio doors, i just noticed kendall blow me a kiss goodbye.

i sighed "yeah he sure is" i agreed. but i wasnt meaning james maslow.


	41. Chapter 41

**SHERIDENS STORY**

kendall held the doors open for us as i made my way out of the studio, once out in to the fresh air i felt a bit sick. all that bloody tequila last night, my head was killing me, but with a ton of make up and a make shift smile on my face i think i had convinced everyone that i wasnt suffering as much as i really was.

kendall sat in his car waiting for me to say bye to james.

"take it easy okay sheri" he said

"i will babe dont worry. you still here til six?" i asked, hoping he would finish early.

he chuckled his deep infectious laugh "yes still here for 6 im afraid... its not your bed time yet" he laughed

i smiled at him, the make up and the grin hadn't fooled james at all, he knew i was feeling as rough as i should from all that drink last night.

"okay... well i will be back before that then. i will come back here" i said

again james laughed "no... get kendall to drop you off at home, he wont mind, good nights rest will have you better in no time"

he gave me a hug, albeit a gentle one so not to cause me any more pain, i hated using these bloody crutches. they had been in the cupboard for 4 months with out me needing them. the last time i had needed them was just for some really bad back ache from a period.

"i love you james" i said as he let go from his hug

"love you too sheri" he replied as he gave me a kiss on the lips then walked up to kendalls car and held the door open and helped me in. i caught some of his gorgeous scent as he moved. it made my heart ache.

"see you soon" he called as we drove off. i gave him a little wave and a wink.

"so... is this my fault?" kendall asked eyeing up the crutches.

i smiled. "no course its not... dont be daft"

"why did you get so drunk shoo? ive never seen you like that, you were crawling on the floor" he laughed.

i raised an eyebrow at him " coz of those stupid games, i drank the same as everyone else but im only little" i laughed. "how are you and paisley then? james said she was mega pissed off at us. i was surprised to see you at the studio today"

kendall raised his own eyebrow at me "we are... great actually, i went to the hotel at stupid oclock this morning and declared my love to her"

"oh my god...really?" i asked astonished.

"yep... its pretty amazing actually... she is amazing" he looked out to the road with a smile smacked across his face. it was a nice. i hadn't seen kendall look so much like kendall in a long time.

"well thats great kendall... honestly. its nice to see it all working out for us all huh" i said truthfully.

"yeah it is... you know you told me james wanted to marry you last night too?" he added.

"shit, yeah i did... sorry"

"no its fine... its great, you should say yes for once" kendall said.

"what? what do you mean for once? what has james said to you?..." i questioned kendall, he had the 'oh shit' face on him now.

"kendall tell me...?" i poked him with my finger.

kendall rolled his eyes at his own big mouthed cock up. "fuck sake...! james said he is gonna ask you to marry him at your party in bel air, he told me so i could make myself scarce if i didnt want to see it" he confessed.

i knew it... bloody james. i knew he would plan something like this. he is so devious.  
"so what did you say?" i asked kendall, i narrowed my eyes not sure what to expect.

"i said go for it and i will be there" he simply said.

"really?" i asked, kind of shocked.

"yeah really... so what are you going to say? yes or no?" kendall asked with a large grin on his face.

i looked at his face trying to make sure he wasnt bluffing to trick me in to saying my real feelings so he can start an arguement. i couldnt tell what he was thinking... damn you kendall.

i answered truthfully "im gonna say YES" i screamed, kendall laughed, that was a good sign. he wasnt bluffing then.

"i honestly love that man so much kendall, truth be told i said no to him before cause i didnt want to hurt you"

kendall pulled in to the private clinic and parked up "everything is fine now. its time we all moved on" he said.

i smiled. "you alright to help me in?" i asked

"yeah sure" he replied.

kendall helped me out of the car, and in to the clinic holding doors as he went, i noticed the bruise on his face had calmed down slightly from what i vaguely remember it looked like last night.

i was told to wait in the doctors office, kendall accompanied me. its nothing he hasnt heard before, me and my back problems are a package deal unfortunatly. so any boyfriend ive ever had since that ski slope accident is fully aware of the shit i endure because of it.

doctor arnold robyns walked in, he had been my personal spinal doctor since my first operation. he had celebrated many highs and lows with me as i got back on my feet in the first few months after the accident.

"sheriden.. thanks you for coming back down here today, i do appreciae it" doc robyns said with a smile.

"thats fine arnold, i take it you have found out whats causing the pain?" i hoped to god i hadnt caused enough damage to need another operation.

"yes" doctor robyns said as he pulled out some xrays. one i had already seen today. he pinned them up on the light board.

kendall looked at me from his seat sat next to me and smiled, i smiled back.

"right sheriden the xray on the right is from today and the one on the left is from a month after your final operation, 4 years ago almost"

i nodded.

"if you look at the left you can see the vertebrae looks solid where as the right it has eroded considerably"

i nodded again as the doctor wiggled his pen pointing out what he was seeing on the xrays.

"your telling me i caused that much damage falling down a ditch?" i asked confused.

"no what your feeling now is just where the vertebrae have collided together in the fall. its just swelling at the moment causing the pain, what this is sheriden" he wiggled his pen at the right hand xray "is what i have noticed today, unfortunatly the latest xray you have had has confirmed that you have osteoporosis, which is a weakness in you bone density. it makes fractures easier to happen basically"

"ok so this osteo... thing, how can we get rid of it?" i asked

"well unfortunatly sheriden its not as easy as that, i mean in a normal person i would recommend healthy eating and regular excersise to help maintain strong bones but...well because of your spine, and the fact your normal physio wont really alter the strength of you bones in your back there isnt much we can do"

i looked at kendall... i was having a hard time understanding what i was being told.

"um... so what? she is going to be in this pain for ever... cant you just give her meds for that?" kendall asked.

the doctor looked at kendall "if you imagine sheridens spine as a pyramid, and over the years the base of the pyramid slowly erodes away, the bottom parts of the pyramid will slowly break as the weight of the top bears down on it... do you see what im saying?" the doctor concluded.

"so her back is just slowly getting worse?" kendall summed up the doctors in depth anology.

the doctor turned back to me  
"im afraid so yes, i mean the pain you have now should subside, but in the future i would seriously recommend no drink and drugs and a very healthy diet... i know from your current weight you are still under, but anything much greater than what you are in later life could possibly send you in to a wheel chair sheriden.

kendall smiled "so you cant get fat shoo in other words" he said eyes smiling at me.

the doctor continued. you will have to take great care as to not fall, dont let it take over your life but act with caution when you can" the doctor finished and sat in his chair.

"so this osteoporosis thing i have... is caused from my skiing accident?" i asked still not quite getting what was actually being explained to me.

"no, it has absolutly nothing to do with the spinal injury itself... mainly osteoporosis is found in the older generation, usually after a lifetime of bad diet and smoking and drinking for example." he clarified.

"so basically ive caused my own bones to do this from the shit lifestyle that i had?" i felt pissed off, i also felt kendalls hand slip in to mine. he squeezed it.

the doctor ignored my temper " sheriden you can lead a perfectly normal life for now, you will have to make minimum changes to your lifestyle and increase your physiotherapy. you just need to remain healthy, that in its self can pro long the life of your bones" he sounded optimistic. "there is no reason that you cant go on leading the same life as you have now for many years, you just have to go easy on your body, any trauma to you back could easily cause it to re break and there wouldnt be much chance of it being fixed after that seeing as your mostly rods and pins in there anyway"

"so trauma as in a fall basically, so she was lucky this time?" kendall said shaking his head at me like i was an idiot.

"yes any trauma, sheriden your 30 now? is that right?" the doctor asked looking at notes.  
i nodded as my reply.

"what about having a baby?" i asked "what risks does that carry?"

i felt kendall squeeze my hand again.

"i would not recommend having any children sheriden... i am sorry. a natural birth would have to be completly ruled out, and i doubt your body would accomodate pregnancy to a reasonable length of time for a successfull delivery by c section"

i felt a lump in my throat, i didnt want to cry in front of the doctor, i stayed silent and tried to compose my self inhaling deep breaths.

"um, if she did get pregnant... what is the likely drill... of things to come" kendall asked for me, knowing full well how much i needed a child in my life, maybe not now but someday, i was going to marry james. everything was meant to be perfect.

"if she decided to go ahead with a pregnancy then i fear it would put both mother and childs life at risk, if the pregnancy could hold out to term then i would very much doubt sheridens back could... it may sever the spinal cord"

kendall rubbed his face with his free hand. he looked at me, i looked at him. i was in total shock. once again my life had been wrecked in the blink of an eye.

"sheriden im going to recommend you see a specialist counsellor, it says on your notes that you are currently due to see one in the light of your recent personal problems, but i would strongly recommend talking to a proffessional spinal doctor that can talk you through about any disabilities that may arise"

"disabilities that may arise?" kendall said

"its purely as a precautionary measure to explain to sheriden what later life may hold" the doctor said.

"but she wont ends up disabled will she?" kendall asked, sounding a bit pissed off with this news himself now.

"if she leads a healthy life then she should be fine, obviously in old age no one can say what may or may not happen until we get there"

i tried to stand up. i had heard enough now. kendall helped me to my feet.

"thank you" i said to arnold robyns as i hobbled my way out of his office. kendall took a piece of paper from him, i presumed was a prescription for my pain.  
we made our way back to kendalls car

as we sat in the car i just stared in to space.

"sheriden... what just happened in there... i mean its all going to be fine still, you just cant do anymore stupid shit" kendall said.

"yeah... yeah i know" i replied.

"come here..." kendall said and pulled himself over to me for a hug, i burst in to tears but i didnt say anything and nor did kendall, he just held me.

"you want to go home shoo?" he finally whispered, cupping my face in his hands.

"yeah"

as we drove back in silence i thought of nothing but james. how was it fair that the stupid mistakes i had made in my life should affect him so badly. he didnt sign up to look after some disabled idiot, he wants a runway model. he deserves a runway model, or atleast anyone that isnt going to drag him down.  
i can imagine him now as i tell him the news of whats just happened. he will say something loving that will take some of the hurt away.  
but i know... i know him inside out, we have talked about our life together, doing things in a life time of happiness, having a million kids... well that wasnt going to happen now, not even close, not even one.

and that mansion... shit almost $9million on a house that will only ever have the two of us in it.

how can i ever be that selfish to condemn the man i love so much to a life he doesnt want. am i that selfish? probably!

"kendall can you do a favour for me and just pop in my house quick, i need some things from my room" i asked

"yeah course, you got the keys?" he asked with a smile, and again i tapped my little shoulder bag that was slung over my head.

we pulled in to my gated property, i opened the gates myself this time with the fob from my keys, kendall pulled up just outside th door.

i looked up at the house, it was beautiful but i still couldnt do it. i handed kendall the keys " would you mind grabbing a bag thats in my room, its in the large closet, its pink and black" i asked.

kendall smiled at me, grabbed the keys and left me alone in the car to grab my overnight bag, he emerged again after just a few moments.

he chucked the bag in the back of his car and drove to james' house.

as he walked me in the bungalow, he chucked the bag on the sofa and gave me a hug "you gonna be okay? i dont mind staying with you shoo" he said as he held me.

i took in every moment, every smell from kendall, every memory i could master up, and i locked them away in my heart.

"i will be fine" i said not doing a very good job at holding my tears back, a couple fell down my face which kendall wiped away with his thumb

he kissed my forehead "you alright getting to bed?" he asked

i smiled at his sillyness "there are no stairs" i replied.

kendall smiled back and if i wasnt mistaken i saw his eyes fill up.

"get some rest" he ordered "everything will be fine, we all love you" he whispered and left with a smile and a squeeze of my hand.

i sat myself on the sofa next to the pink and black overnight bag.

i loved james so much, i couldnt do this to him.


	42. Chapter 42

**paisleys story**

i could not stop yawning. i was absolutly shattered. james had said to amberleigh to go home, i was just waiting for kendall to show up. today was a bit of a wash out. no work really got done after sheriden and kendall had left for the clinic, both james and i just couldnt be bothered to move once we had sat down.

i saw kendalls car pull up,

"he's here james, i will see you monday okay" i called from the window that i had spent the last few minutes staring out of.

"yeah sure pais... enjoy your day off" he winked at me with a brilliant smile as i left the studio. it made me feel slightly uncomfy that everyone knew i was having sex with kendall, but i guess this is what happens when we all hang out together. something i will have to get used to.

i got in the car "hey, all okay" i asked with a kiss.

"yeah... how come your out so early?" kendall replied.

"just tired, james wasnt really feeling it, nor was i... there is always monday so dont moan" i joked.  
kendall gave a small smile. but he was no where near as happy as i had left him.

"kendall whats happened now?" i asked as he drove off, he was looking at james get in to his car, i gave him a little wave as we drove passed.

"sheriden got some bad news at the doctors" he announced

"really... what kind of bad news?" i asked concerned, she did look in a lot of pain.

"she has some deficiency in her bones, her back is basically falling apart. the doctor warned of wheel chairs and disability. he said she shouldnt have children... ever"

"jesus... poor sheriden" i said. i remembered her holding little mia at the party yesterday. her and james looked so natural to have kids.

"thats gonna come as a blow for them ay... they could always adopt i guess?" i said on a brighter note.

kendall raised his eyebrows in agreement, he hadnt thought of that idea. it seemed to cheer him up slightly.

we got back to kendalls and enjoyed a very romantic yet naughty bath together, im surprised water didnt flood down through the ceiling, we had eventually used 6 towels in the end trying to soak up the mess we made. but it was worth it.

i got changed in to my pj's and wrapped myself in my dressing robe. perfect hangover cure wear and kendall just strutted around in some shorts. i could get used to him not wearing a shirt. i loved him so much. he was sex on legs.

we had ordered an indian take away. i was starving, i hadnt eaten all day because we got up so late, i snuggled up with kendall on th sofa watching him play a game on his playstation.

the door knocked.

"food time!" kendall declared as he shot off the sofa and headed to the door.

i walked out to the little white kitchen to get our plates ready.

kendall came in the kitchen empty handed but behind him followed a very red eyed james. he looked awful.

"shit... james. are you okay?" i asked

he didnt say anything he just pulled himself up on to the kitchen side and sat down. he handed kendall a letter.

kendall read the letter. after a few moments he shook his head  
"no... she doesnt mean any of that... i was with her... FUCK!" he shouted.

"she's gone" james said looking at my bewildered face as kendall lost control.

i took the letter and read it

_'james,  
where do i start with this huh? well today i found out that my back has let me down once again. but its not only me its going to affect. i cant have your life ruined because of stupid crap ive done in mine.  
James never forget how much i love you. this is the reason why i have to do this. there is no future for you in my life. at least not a good one. dont think im just being typical sheriden and jumping off at the deep end. im actually using my brain for once and not thinking of myself.  
im thinking of you.  
i was told today that i cant have children without major complications, i was also told today that my back is likely to disable me. you dont deserve to have to live with these things.  
when i first met you james, you struck me as a person that was going to go so far in the life you had planned out. promise me you will still strive to get where you want to be. if i stay then your life would of made a drastic U turn at such a young age.  
i dont want that on my concience. i have got my passport and im finally being a grown up and getting on a plane with no fear. the only fear i had left in life was losing you, but now im letting you go.  
im not going to come back james, i love you too much to do that.  
make me proud baby.  
sheri xxx'_

"so where is she? at the airport, lets go and get her" i said

"she isnt there i have called,looked and begged people to help me. she has just disapeared off the face of the earth, carlos hasn't heard, his family hasn't heard. i was hoping you might know something" james looked at kendall, who now was also struggling to keep tears in.

kendall laughed hysterically, almost insanely. it scared me "i handed it to her didnt i?... the fucking passport. it was in that bag. she asked me to get a bag, and i fucking handed it to her...JESUS!"

"kendall its not your fault" james said. his voice had no emotion left. he was just a talking shell of himself. "she was going to go no matter what"

"james what are you going to do?" i asked.

"going home to bed" he simply replied. then he walked out the kitchen and through the front door.

i looked at kendall, and he looked at me back. he just let his tears run while i took him in my arms.

* * *

3 months had passed since the day james came to kendalls house, no one had heard from sheriden. i have no idea how she had done it but she truly had disapeard off the face of the earth. from where ever she was she had organised her model management to be taken over by another company. they wouldnt tell james anything of where sheridens contact had come from.

she had also signed over her half of the record label to james. the day that came to light was awful. james was in bits. the comapany had begun all those months ago as MSL RECORDS, shortly after kendall, left it changed to MASLOW/LLOYD RECORDS. now it was just JM RECORDS for james maslow... he finally got his dream but it had come at a terrible price for him to own his own label.

the last thing that i heard that had cut sheridens life from james was the bel air mansion, instead of putting it back up for sale, sheriden, who's money had bought the $9million house had given it to james. she had sent him all manner of legal papers just allowing him to own it. her own home had been emptied and sold within the first few weeks of it being on the market after she had left.

kendall had told me that james wouldnt go near the bel air mansion. instead he had rented it out to some rich Australian family. all the money he made from it he put in to the Sheriden Lloyd Foundation. it was so typically a james thing to do  
i dont think james wanted to sell it, i think he secretly hoped that sheriden would come back, but i think we all knew she wasnt.

james had threw him self in to his music. he made me work like a trojan. i had my debut album out just 4 weeks after sheriden had first gone missing. it made top the dance track single i had released was the anthem that ended the summer, it was a massive european hit.  
i was even welcomed to support big time rush on a european tour.

the BTR guys had all re signed on the dotted line for another year under contract of columbia records, and had signed up for another series for the show.  
after the news had emerged that james was now single again it caused a massive media stir. but where ever sheriden had gone, not one picture appeared of her in the paper. no one knew where she was. if it wasnt for the flurry of activity of houses selling and her business being taken over then we would of all thought she was dead.

a lot had changed since she had gone. jess was ring leader now, even though the only people that could stand being in the same room as her were carlos and logan.

we were currently in czech republic. the guys had a huge fan base now all over the world.  
seeing as i was on the same tour i tagged along with the guys. not officially meant to be staying on the tour bus with them, but they guys didnt mind and i loved being with kendall all the time. so what the big boss men didnt know... wouldnt hurt them.

as we travelled, life on the road was fun. we currently headed towards Prague. i woke up squashed in the little top cabin bed next to kendall. the bed was so uncomfortable but i didnt care as long as i was with him.

i had no clue as to how Logan had sex each night in one of these. there was barely enough room to stretch your legs out.

a small shuffle about had taken place at the start of the tour. kendall who had previously shared with logan and dustin was now on one of the buses with james and logan. leaving carlos dustin and shawn on the other bus

it worked out well because if jess ever made a surprise visit she was safely hidden away on a different vehicle and james could carry on mentoring me. he was also just about to sign another group to his label. i barely saw him take a break ever, he occupied his mind as much as he could.

as i layed up in the little bunk bed i kissed kendalls shoulder. i desperatly needed a wee so i climbed down from the bunk and stretched my legs down on to the floor of the bus, i had one of kendall tee shirts on as a nighty.  
it was still dark outside but i had no clue as to what the time was. very early i should imagine, maybe 3?

i noticed james wasnt in the bottom bunk, he was sat on one of the large cushioned seats that ran along the side of the bus, he had pen and paper in hand. glasses on and working away at something, i smiled at him as he looked up. he gave a small smile back.

i walked up the opposite end of the bus and used the toilet, i came out and thought i would try my luck at chatting to james. i dont think anyone had chatted about anything but work related things to him in a long while. he would still mess about with nerf guns and shit but you could always tell he wasnt entirely there. his head was always somewhere else. somehwere with sheriden i expect.

"hey... what time is it?" i whispered to james, trying not to wake up kendall and logan.

he checked his phone which was sat by the side of him "just gone 4 pais" he answered with a soft voice.

i nodded. "so what are you working on at 4 in the morning then?" i asked eyeing up the paper he held on a clipboard in his hand.

james smiled at me "a song" he replied.

"do you mind if i see it it?" i asked sitting down next to him.

he shrugged his shoulders and passed me the clip board.

from what i could tell it was just a chorus that had worked its way from pen to paper but it was good.

"is this for your new band?" i asked him.

"no i was hoping you would want it. its a girls song" he answered.

i smiled at him and the bus filled with quietness, only the noise from the engine could be heard.

"james... how are you?... its been so long now" i asked watching as james made some odd faces with his mouth as if thinking of something he could say.

he lifted his glasses up on to the top of his head and rubbed his eyes.

"not great you know pais... do you think she will come back?" he asked his eyes filled with hope that i might shed some optimistic light on to the subject.

"i really dont know honey... im sorry" i patted his leg "she believed she was doing the right thing at the time. did she really want a baby that bad then?" i asked, worried i may of overstepped my mark.

james huffed out a small smile "ya she desperately wanted a baby. ever since the miscarriage. makes so much sense now, all the pain she had been in at the time"

"what about you... do you think she has done the right thing by leaving?" i asked

"she... sheri knew that i wanted kids, we talked about our future all the time. but if this is the choice... sheriden without a family or no sheriden at all... i would of chosen sheriden... just wish she had of given me the choice you know. she took that from me" james voice held some resentment in it.

"i said to kendall when he first told me about it all, that maybe you guys could adopt. maybe sheriden hasnt thought that far ahead yet... you never know?" i offered in a way to offer some hope.

james just shook his head "who in there right mind would let her adopt a baby, she has a history of class A drug use as long as her arm. they would laugh at us... she knew that" he said calmly.

"yeah... course she does" i felt ridiculous now bringing it up.

"12 weeks with out her pais'... its killing me. i dont know what im meant to do?" he whispered.

"well do what she asked. make her proud james... live your life. no matter how much moping about you do its not going to make her come back any quicker... thats if she does come back. you need to just get back to being you james"

james took in a deep breath and sighed it back out. "i dont think she is coming back you know. i just wish i could talk to her one more time. it pisses me off so bad that she didnt give me the choice... it was our life not just hers"

i gave james a hug, "james your 22. dont waste the most incredible times of this amazing life you have. sheriden went so she didnt hold you back. and knowing sheriden i think she really meant that" i could see my words had hurt james but he nodded to agree.

"you know i felt for sure i would of had a letter or a note or... something for my birthday last week from her. all day i waited. had my phone in my hand the whole time... but nothing. i knew then that that was it... she meant it" james said as he looked up to the roof of the bus.

i squeezed james hand not knowing what to say.

"i wonder where she is?" he said leaning his head on my shoulder.

"i have no idea, but knowing sheriden i expect she is causing a stir wherever she has got to" i smiled at my own words and so did james. he even let out a small chuckle imagining what chaos sheriden was causing some one some where in the world.

"come on james... get some sleep, we have a crazy few days coming up" i said standing up.

he nodded and stood up too just as a ladies leg slipped down from logans bed.  
logan had brought on board a girl that spoke zero English last night. it was a truly entertaining sight to watch.

james looked at me and smiled "maybe its time i did get back to myself" james said as he trotted him self back to his bottom bunk.

i shook my head with a smile and climbed back in to bed with kendall... that was not what i meant for james to go back to his days shagging girls like logan.

i snuggled up in kendalls tiny bed, wrapping my cold arms around him trying to warm up.  
kendall woke up briefly enough to give me a little kiss and pull me in to his body

"love you pais" he mumbled

i smiled at him and drifted off to sleep.


	43. Chapter 43

**STORY 3: sunset seduction**

**"PAISLEYS STORY**

November 1st? how the hell is it November already?  
I had just finished a 3 month European tour with boy band Big Time Rush, I was a supporting act, but being the girlfriend of Kendall Schmidt, one of the four who make up the band. I was pretty much going any where they were, we had landed back in the USA,  
home was so close yet so far away still. the boys had a couple of concerts to do in Oregon for a Winter Wonderland Ball.

The Wonderland Ball was a mash-up of 15 acts put together by a local radio station. Kendall said they are usually amazing and a good opportunity to rub shoulders with other bands and celebrities. I was new to the fame game and this kind of thing scared the life out of me.

The bus journey to Portland was miserable, it was raining the entire time, you couldn't really see out the windows and the bus was freezing.  
I had spent the last few months on board the Big Time Rush tour bus, not strictly meant to be hitching a free ride, but seeing as James Maslow was the front man of the record company I was attached to, he didn't care how I got about to support his band as a warm up act.

James had changed so much on this tour. Just over 6 months ago his long term girlfriend Sheriden Lloyd had just left a note and left. no one had heard a thing from her, or knew where she was. of course it wasnt quite as simple as just doing a runner but James had spent the first few weeks being inconsolable. he looked terrible, would be tearful all the time, he grew a full on beard and chucked himself in to his music. When the tour started 3 months ago it was Logan Henderson that had given james a bit of a kick up the backside to get motivated. James cleaned his act up and got on with things, that was when he went to stage two and resented Sheriden for leaving him.

The resentment stage lasted about 3 weeks, it was a hard time for any of us to put up with. he would obsess by texting her non existent phone number explaining how he feels and how she did him wrong or he would send emails that never got answered. he read some out sometimes if he was really pissed off, I hope Sheriden didnt get to read them as some were not that nice.  
he so badly wanted to talk to her, explain that he couldnt give a shit about the problems they would face. but sheriden couldnt be traced.

After the resentment came the 'I dont give a fuck now' stage, which is where we are still at.  
James had turned in to a bit of a casanova with wooing the ladies, he wouldnt do it publicly. I dont think he wanted to lose any chance that Sheriden might have of returning. but he had taken a leaf out of the Logan Henderson book of romance.  
Unfortunatly James wasnt as caring as Logan, where as Logie would at least spend the night with a girl on the bus and give her the cab money to get back home. James would pretty much just fuck and kick them out of bed.

He hadnt mentioned Sheriden for weeks now, the rest of us didnt in his company either.

"Pais' what are you gonna do while we are there, hang out backstage or watch the show?" Logan asked about the Wonderland Ball from his top bunk bed opposite me. I was tucked up in Kendalls top bunk bed trying to keep warm. it was fucking freezing on this bus.

"Not sure, I will probably just hang out here to be honest. I'm a scaredy cat Logues you know that" I replied with kendalls blanket pulled up to my nose.

"Yeh I know, you need to snap out of it, it will be your downfull. Get out in the spotlight... Least it will be warm in the arena" he added for good measure looking at me shivering with cold.

"Yeah maybe. How long will your set be?" I asked, wondering if I could handle being left on my own for a length of time being harrassed by other celebs.

"Prob bout... half hour, 45 mins?...KENDALL!" Logan shouted across the bus to my boyfriend who was sat with James playing nintendo games.

Kendall walked up and swung in between the two beds. " yeah?" he said to Logan.

"Are we headlining the Wonderland thing?" he asked.

"Yeah I think so" Kendall said looking at me and laughing as all he could see was my brown eyes peeping out from a sheet.

"yeah, so it be about 45 minutes Pais'" Logan concluded.

"You still cold Pais'?" Kendall asked with a cheeky look on his face.

I just nodded, but he could see the smile in my eyes, then jumped up on to his bunk bed, I let out a moan as he uncovered me from my warm blanket as he got in with me.

I noticed Logan shake his head and roll his eyes then turn the other way with the magazine he was reading.

Kendall spoke in whispers to me so only i could hear him "you are cold arent you?" he smirked as he gave me a little kiss on the lips and pulled me in to his body. I was fully clothed with jeans, jumper and socks still on, he wore some old sweat pants and a tee shirt.

He felt warm, I put my hands under his shirt and made a happy grumble sound.

I could feel Kendall undoing the button of my jeans and slip a hand in the opening he had made. His hand made its way to my ass, he gave it a squeeze and pulled me even closer towards him. a little squeel of delight popped out of my mouth.

I then heard Logan groan and the sound of his bed creak as he got out of our ear shot and left us to it.

"we are alone" I whispered in giggles to kendall.

"So we are.." he grinned and moved his hand round from my ass to the front and placed a finger inside me.

Kendall made some satisfying noises to his entry in me. I loved his noises that he made. I kissed his soft lips, his tongue slipped in my mouth but I pulled away and gave his bottom lip a seductive bite.

funnily enough I felt a lot warmer now. Kendall pleased me with his fingers but I wanted to please him too. I pulled up my jumper as best I could in the tiny enclosed bunk bed, I hit my arms on the wall of the bus. it was pretty loud. im sure James and Logan must of heard the bang over the hum of the bus engine.  
Kendall laughed at my efforts and I in turn got the giggles. I eventually succeeded in removing my jumper but it accidently fell on to the floor. there was no hiding what we were up to from the others now. I felt my face redden.

"This is nice..." kendall said eyeing up the red brazier I wore. but once again when breasts came in to the equation kendall turned in to... well like the cookie monster, but for tits.

his fingers left from inside me and he had unhooked my bra in seconds. he teased himself looking at them for a bit. i tilted his head away so I could kiss him.

he was such a perv... another laugh popped out of me.

I tried my best to wriggle out of my jeans. Kendall gave me a bit of help with the use of his feet and I did the same for him. The lack of space on this bunk bed was ridiculous. you could only lay down, sitting up would cause me to bang my head, let alone Kendall who was a lot taller than me.

I thought it unfair that seeing as I was the original cold person it seemed ironic that Kendall should be the one to keep his tee shirt on.

He climbed on top of me pulling the blanket over us both, the cold was still very much in the room if it wasnt under here with us.

I ran my hands along Kendalls side, his body moved as it tickled him. His body felt amazing, I loved every part of it. my hands moved lower on to his backside, it was firm and delicious. I gave it a little smack as I could feel his hardness teasing the outside of my clit.

Kendall was still very much stuck on giving my big breast the attention he thought they deserved, he would suck them, lick them, bite them, touch them. pretty much do anything he could and never get bored.

I saw his eyes gleam at me after I gave his bum a second mini slap. he then placed himself inside me.

We had got the art of bunkbed sex down to a tee. Three months of mostly sleeping on this tiny thing with only the occasional break of a semi decent hotel bed makes the imagination stretch, and you can pretty much accomplish anything you put your mind too.

Which for kendall was pleasing the hell out of me.

The only thing I wasnt much good at was keeping my mouth shut.

As I felt Kendalls rhythm inside my body it sent me to new heights of pleasure each time. sometimes he would have to cover my mouth with his hand so the noise that came out of me wouldnt attract unwanted sniggers from the bed opposite me.

As I climaxed now it was too late, and I think Kendall was too far gone to care. he just let me enjoy it.  
his eyes met mine as we both caught our breath after. I could feel his chest rise and fall on me. he kissed my forehead.  
"love you Pais" he whispered out.

"love you too baby" I replied wiping his hair that was now drenched in sweat away from his face. I pulled him down for a kiss.

He smiled at me "you warmed up yet" he laughed

"Im too hot now" I giggled. Kendall moved off from on top of me and layed to the side, squashed up between me and the wall.

"I cant wait to get home can you?" he whispered

"I'm a bit worried really. James worked my ass off to get my album out before, I hope he gives me time to relax a bit" I whispered back, hoping that James couldnt hear me.

"he will get better" Kendall sighed.

Kendall missed Sheriden loads too, he knew that's what i meant by James working me too hard. I dread to think what james will do next when he is back on familiar ground with still no Sheriden.

Kendall gave my forehead a kiss then pulled his sweats up, before jumping down from the bunk. he picked my jumper up and handed it to me with a wink.

I felt my face go red again as I got dressed.

I got down and went off to the toilet to freshen up. as I came out I sat with the three boys on one of the large padded seats that ran along the side of the bus.

" Reno!... warmed up now?" Logan said with a glint in his eye.  
logans nickname for me was Reno, simply because that's where i am from, and it was the first question he asked me when we met.

I shook my head with embarrassment and replied "toasty, thanks" with a smile on my face,

I snuggled in to Kendall who had just slung a tattooed arm over me. Logan still had his nose in his magazine once he had finished taunting me, and james was on his lap top.

i felt tired, it was only about 4 in the afternoon but it had been such a long boring day travelling in this miserable weather.

"so what is everyone up to when we get back to LA" I asked half asleep to break the silence.

Logan put his magazine down. "I'm going to texas for a few day to see my dad actually, should be good" he said.

logan liked these types of conversations, the favorite one he had was the 'what could you eat right now game'. which was usually one we all played late at night on the road, no where near any decent food.

"what bout you Reno, what are you doing?" he said with the raise of an eyebrow and a wink... bloody logan, he was obsessed with sex.

"i am actually house hunting... good old Mr Maslow here has done me justice with some amazing songs and im finally in a position to get out of that hotel and rent somewhere" I boasted with a smile, and gave james a friendly kick with my foot, he looked up and smiled.

Kendall gave me a squeeze, he knew how much it meant to me that I earned my own money after a lifetime of needing people to rely on.

"you not moving in together then?" Logan asked.

I looked at Kendall and laughed. he gave me a smile. " no way! he would seriously do my head in" i replied.

Logan probably didn't get the joke but Kendall did, we had an amazing relationship but we would fight like cat and dog over the stupidest things, mostly because we had been stuck on a stupid bus together for too long.  
not one to make a scene. the paisley and Kendall arguments would usually take place over text message whilst in the same part of the bus.

i loved him to bits but i was far too young to move in with him. i lived with my previous boyfriend, Ryan in Reno. that was a disaster.

"what about you james?" Kendall asked.

james looked up from his lap top "im going on holiday" he replied a bit too quickly, like he was dreading his turn to answer the question.

"well that's really good james" i nudged Kendall. least that meant i would get a bit of a break from the studio.  
"where are you going?" i added

"England actually" he declared and sat back in his seat waiting for his next question.

"have you found her?" Kendall asked hastily meaning sheriden.

james just shook his head "Carlos gave me the details of her father, where she used to live, that kind of thing... just gonna try this one last chance" he said matter of factly.

Kendall stayed silent for a minute. apart from james, Kendall was the next best thing to knowing everything about sheriden lloyd, and judging by his face he thought that England was a waste of time.

"she wont be there bro" Kendall said after a few moments.

james ignored Kendalls negativity, but i acted on it.

"james im not being funny but its been 6 months now, you've... slept with other girls james. i thought you had moved on" my words came out slightly wrong, but i think he knew what i meant.

"I don't think i will ever move on pais'. but England is the only lead i have left. so once that's done... then its moving on time" he declared then let out a sigh.

I noticed james and Kendall seemed to be having some odd stare off as to who knew sheriden better. im sure it must be james but I couldn't see sheriden returning to her home land of England either. too many bad memories for her.  
but saying that the USA didn't turn out much better for her.

after half hour or more we pulled in to a hotel car park, finally a decent nights sleep in a proper bed. we piled out and stretched our legs, then made our way to the hotel.

Carlos and his tour bus companions were already here. the boys were told that they had an hour to get sorted then they had a meet and greet in one of the function rooms of the hotel before the show this evening.

we went up, i crashed out on kendells hotel bed. "oh my god baby... feel this bed" i laughed at the insane comfort our new bed for the night held.

Kendall laughed at me as he saw me roll around on the oversized bed.

we had quick showers and got changed. i made myself look as attractive as i possibly could. the female population of the celebrity world was a complete bitch fest, and I wouldn't stand for anyone trying to nab my man. i loved that guy so much it was unreal.

we walked down to the function room. it was huge, obviously not a small meet and greet with one or two fans then. there was a load of food laid out on a row of tables. from Carlos' sad face I don't think anyone was allowed to touch it yet.

i noticed jess, Carlos' girlfriend was sat on some of the cheap hotel chairs that had been placed at the side of the room... well at least i knew someone, even if it was bitch face jess.

Kendall and i sat down with her, the others soon joined us as we waited for the gabble of screaming and crying girls to enter the room to meet big time rush.

james wouldn't talk to jess. only because his loyalty to sheriden ran that deep, sheriden couldn't stand her so nor could james. the rest of us tolerated her. but Logan and Carlos were her only true friends in the BTR family.

i could see Logan and James exchanging looks. they loved times like these. the onset of a room of pretty girls being released on to them. it was a bizarre sexual game for them, they would flip a coin each time to see who got first dibs on the group of girls. today james had won it.

when james had made his choice of which girl he was going to bang the brains out of he would discreetly put his hand on her shoulder so that logan would know which one was off limits, and vice versa.

i dont think i had ever seen the chosen girl turn either of them down... i know i didnt when kendall first tried it on with me. but that was a lot different to this.

Ally the big time rush co-ordinator, walked in through the double doors with a clip board in her hand and about 30 people filed in after her.

the guys got up and did there thing, smiling away and giving kisses and receiving a multitude of gifts from girls who simply adored them.

jess rolled her eyes as she sat with her legs crossed over. she seemed to find the whole boy band thing a bit boring. i guessed she like to control carlos and hated it when the clip board lady had full control of his actions.

the boys spent about 45 minutes chatting away to everyone, the phrase i heard the most was, "enjoy the show tonight" followed by a kiss on the cheek.

once the food was out it was a bit more relaxed, logan came over and moaned that james had tapped the hottest looking girl in here, i turned to look in the direction of logans eyes to the poor girl that will be happy in james maslows arms for about an hour then get kicked out of bed.  
she was indeed very pretty, long brown hair, almost pixie like face with huge eyes. she looked very happy as james stood talking to her, working his magic. from behind she looked a bit like sheriden when she had brown hair.  
only a matter of time before she gets her number out for him so he can meet her after the show.  
i shook my head.

logan sighed as most of the other girls were clearly too young or too unattractive, he gave him self the option of 3.  
"pais which one do you think?" he asked

"err! i dont think so henderson. im not condemning a girl to a week of sleepless nights after you promise to call her and say your worldwide shit to her" i replied. logans parting gift to his overnight sex companions on the tour bus apart from the cab fare home was his catch phrase "i will be thinking of you worldwide". of course the girls loved it, but it never rang true, and he never called them back.

"logan... go with the red head... she looks hot" came a snake like hiss of a reply from jess.

i turned to look at the red head but she had her back to me. she was indeed a red head, her long hair had been dyed a beautiful dark red colour. very un natural looking but stunning all the same. she was currently having her picture taken with carlos. i smiled as i noticed she was having a good squeeze of his bum. jess obviously didnt like that so thought the girl deserved to get her heart broken by serial love rat logan henderson.

logan smiled at jess as i think the red head had slipped his radar then went off to tap the shoulder.

as the evening wore on i did stay back stage with jess and met a load of people, some i didnt even know who they were but they knew exactly who i was... probably due to who my boyfriend is rather than my own music talents, but i enjoyed the experience all the same, and it pissed jess off. no one really approached her, she didnt have the look about her that was friendly enough for strangers to just walk up and chat.

after the concert we went back to the hotel and made a little BTR camp in one of the private bars. kendall had just joined me, he had just showered in his room. he looked so damn hot.  
he was gonna get it good in that massive bed tonight. i whispered such things in his ear too, he didnt bother getting a drink.

i noticed james already running his fingers through the sheriden lookey likeys hair. he was like a robot, absolutly no feeling in it for him at all. i wondered why he bothered doing it. he clearly wasnt happy, but everyone has needs i guess, and sheriden did just dump him with zero warning.

carlos and jess looked like a proper couple for once, she was smiling as carlos spoke to her. it was nice to see. she looked so different with a smile on her face instead of the pout she usually wore on it.  
carlos looked happy. he was always really buzzed up after a show.

there was a good crowd of BTR people in the bar. there was a load of guys involved in the big time rush concerts. and it looked like they had all crawled out of the woodwork tonight to join us seeing as tomorrow after the last wonderland show we would all be heading back to our homes... bliss

I had my lips firmly attached to kendalls when I got a tap on my shoulder. first of all i thought it was logan pissing about. I detatched from kendall and turned around it was logan and his red head. I gave her a guick glance.

"hey sorry" logan said about interrupting our kiss "i just wanted to introduce this young lady to everyone" logan added. working the charm.

I looked at the girl again

logan continued "guys this is..."

"MACKENZIE DAVIES?" I screamed with delight and gave the girl a hug.

"Paisley?... my word... look at you" Mackenzie said eyeing me over. "I didnt even recognise you!" she added

"Recognise me?... jesus look at you... with the hair" i laughed and hugged mackenzie again.

"shit sorry" I said as the two boys just kind of stared at us grinning.

"kendall, logan... Mackenzie and I used to be such good friends but she moved when I was...shit how old were we?" I asked Mackenzie.

"14...just" Mackenzie confirmed.

"yeah 14. oh my god I can believe your here Kenzie, its nuts... this is my boyfriend" I laughed pointing at kendall, who in return rolled his eyes with a smile.

"my god and your going out with... Logan" my smile slowly faded knowing what was in store for my very good old friend Mackenzie Davies.

I think Logan saw the worry on my face as he gave a sigh and a smile, which I took to be as the 'thanks a bunch Reno, I cant fuck your friend now' look.

I hugged logan. I was very over excited, and dragged mackenzie away a table to catch up with her.


	44. Chapter 44

**Mackenzies' story**

I flipped through my BTR album getting to my Fave song... invisible. I loved it, and sang my life away in the car journey up to Portland with my sister savannah.

Savannah had been lucky enough to win a meet and greet on her favorite radio station to see big time rush. She wasn't a huge fan but I was.

We had 3 hours left until I would meet them. Carlos was my favorite. I would send savannah loopy constantly yapping on about him.

"'Kenzie will you shut the fuck up. Your giving me a head ache" savannah moaned as she turned the car radio down to a barely audible level.

I frowned at her.  
"So how come you didn't come out last night with the girls" she probed.

I knew exactly why she was asking. Because she was a nosy cow.

"I met up with that guy... Dane". I replied rather sheepishly, knowing she will jump to all the wrong conclusions.

"Dane?... oh my fucking god not that freak from the bakery" she said." You didn't... you know with him did you?" She questioned.

I rolled my eyes. Savannah is 2 years younger than me. But at 17 years old she is a lot more advanced in the boyfriend activities than I am.  
She has taken it apon her self to help me find a nice guy to lose my virginity to.

" no I didn't do anything with him... well we kissed but that's all. He wasn't all that great at it" I confessed.

"How come you met up with Dane? Did you go on a date?" More questions from savannah.

"We have been talking for a while. I go in the bakery everyday to pick up everyone's lunch at the salon... he invited me to the movies that's all" I replied.

My sister looked at me and shook her head in shame." fuck girl, no wonder you haven't popped your cherry yet, you always pick the losers" she said in her know it all voice.

"Thanks sav' who needs enemies when I have such a lovely sister" I replied sarcastically.

"Your hair looks fine" she said, as she caught me looking at it for the tenth time in an hour.

"I don't know... its not me, I don't like to stand out sav" I replied, looking at my newly dyed red hair.

"Well least Carlos won't forget you in a hurry" she grinned at me.

I got the giggles at the mention of my adorable idol Carlos Pena.

I work in a hair salon. My friend and work mate Beth has been wanting to dye my hair red for months.

She finally talked me in to it 4 days ago. It does look amazing but I'm not sure its me.

The rest of the drive to Portland was pretty boring, the weather was crap. We arrived at the hotel, once we checked in we where told to meet outside the salterns function room where a big time rush rep would meet us and take us through to meet the boys.  
I was so excited.

Savannah and I had already picked our meet and greet outfits out ages ago. It didn't take us long to get ready.

Eventually it was time to make our way to the salterns entrance.  
There was already a lot of girls there, some very young, some around the same age as me.

The excited chatter was intolerable. Not one girl could stand or sit still. Even savannah was fidgety and she wasn't a fan.

A large lady who introduced her self as Ally, walked in holding a clip board.

She gave everyone the run down of what was just about to happen.  
Basically, meet, greet, food then chat along with the guys. A bus would then be picking us up to take us to the winterland ball for the concert.

She warned at the end that any antisocial behaviour aimed at the boys will result in removal from the hotel and concert tickets will not be issued.

She opened the salterns function room doors and we all filed in to the large room.

There was already a load of people in there. I presumed must be part of the BTR entourage.

Then I saw him... Carlos Pena. He looked even more handsome in real life. I squeezed the blood from savannahs arm. She laughed at me.

Big time rush made their way around all the people, having little chats.  
I spoke to James maslow. He sounded really different to what he did on tv. It was odd.

Kendall gave me and savannah a kiss on the cheek. He asked us about the show tonight. And where abouts had we had travelled from.

Finally Carlos made his way over to us.

My brain decided to break down and nothing wanted to come out of my mouth.  
Luckily my gobby sister savannah saved the day.  
She announced to Carlos that I was madly in love with him, and also told him how I had driven her mad on the journey up here singing his songs.

I think my face went as red as my hair.  
But Carlos laughed away and even invited Savannah to take a picture of Carlos and I together.  
I was in heaven. Savannah got her phone out to take a picture as Carlos swung his muscular arm over my shoulder. He gave me a squeeze which reminded me to breathe.  
I put my arm around Carlos.

Oh my god I'm touching Carlos pena.

I saw savannah give me the eye. I laughed and gave Carlos' bum a tiny squeeze. Carlos just chuckled at me. I expect he was used to horny teenage girls trying to touch him up all the time.

Just as savannah had taken the picture I felt a hand on my shoulder.

It was Logan Henderson coming over to say hi.

As Carlos' arm left me, logans took over.

Logan was really nice. Out of all the guys he stayed chatting to us the longest.

He asked what plans I had after the show. I looked at savannah. Her eyes bulged out of her head as I said no plans. Then he asked me to meet him in the bar at 10:30 this evening for a bit of a end of tour celebration.

I was so excited. He eventually gave me and Savannah a kiss on the cheek and moved on to the next group of girls.

"Oh my word kenzie... oh my word..." my sister said as we made our way over to the lavish looking buffet.

"Crap! What am I going to talk about with him...?" I questioned my sister.

Savannah just laughed at me.

We had an amazing evening at the wonderland ball. But to be honest I just wanted it over and done with to meet up with Logan... I wonder if Carlos will be there?

We got a lift back to the hotel on our bus for the radio station winners. I had time to kill so went to my hotel room to freshen up. I couldnt even get changed in to anything nicer as I didn't pack anything else. Not knowing Logan would of asked me out... on a date... holy shit. Is that what this was? A date with Logan Henderson?

I was shaking with nerves.

"Kenzie calm down. You will end up having an asthma attack" she moaned looking in my bag making sure my inhaler was inside it.

"Crap! I'm so nervous... can't you come with me?" I asked.

Savannah laughed again."no... I wasn't invited was I... your a big girl now kenzie. Maybe Logan Henderson wants to ... you know" she replied with a raise of one eyebrow.

"Oh shut up. They don't do things like that..." I moaned at her as I applied more makeup than really necessary.

"Right... I have 5 minutes to get down to the bar... wish me luck!" I sighed.

Savannah hugged me, and fluffed my wavy red hair around my shoulders.  
"Go get him girl" she smiled.

I got to the hotel bar more or less 10:30 on the dot. I couldn't see Logan at all. I couldn't see any one that looked like they were involved in big time rush.

Panic set in... crap. Savannah is going to laugh her head off when I return being stood up by Logan.

I waited for about twenty minutes. The bar staff had begun looking at me sat there on my own without a drink. I couldn't even order one as I was only 19.

I gave Logan 5 more minutes... which turned in to ten as I had the genious idea of pretending to text on my phone. Least it looked like I was doing something.

Logan didn't show. I picked my bag up from the table and walked out of the bar. My heart sunk. I was completly gutted.

I gave a good look around the hotel foyer for Logan but only one or two guest were there.

I pressed the button on the elevator waiting for it to get to ground level for me to get in.

As the doors slid open I looked up to see some very handsome brown eyes grinning at me.

"Mackenzie... leaving so soon?" Logan Henderson chirped at me as he walked out of the lift.

"Hey ...you" I said half surprised and half embarrassed.

Logan laughed "sorry, I hadn't forgotton about you...I just got held up" he said.

"That's cool... I expect your always busy" Jesus mackenzie don't bore the guy to death. I thought to my self as my words left my mouth.

"So you still wanna party?" Logan said holding a hand out for me to take.

I nodded my head and held logans hand.  
"I love the hair.." he said "your the prettiest girl I've seen" he said moving in slightly closer.

Oh my god... is he trying to kiss me.  
Logan took my other hand and leaned down to my face.

He did kiss me. Only a small one at first to test the water. Once he figured out I didn't mind he tried again on a more intimate scale.

Although I was still a virgin. I had still managed to kiss a load of guys and prided my self on being very good at it.

Logan tasted good. His breath was cool and fresh against my face.  
The kiss was slow. Logans tongue swept inside my mouth slowly, teasing my own tongue.

His lips were soft but slightly chapped.  
I wanted to kiss them better.  
As Logan took full control of the kiss, his hand slipped down to my backside and gave it a little rub.  
As he had released my hands to fondle my ass. I felt a bit awkward with my arms just hanging there so I held on to the sides of his jacket that he wore.  
It made him move in closer.

The lift doors opened. I tried to pull away but Logan grabbed my ass even more.

"Henderson... put her down" came the voice of the man that came out of the elevator

Logan pulled away "shut it belt" Logan said.

He then put his arm around me with his hand on my backside and took me through to the bar.

We didn't stay in the same bar I had waited in. Logan walked through another door at the side which led us to another bar. This room was packed with people. I spotted Carlos straight away. He was chatting to a girl with dark hair. I presumed it must be his girlfriend. I didn't know much about her.

Logan walked me over to a few people and introduced me.  
Not sure if it was my imagination but they all seemed to look at me with the same grin on their faces.

I noticed kendall Schmidt was going at it hammer n tongs with a girl with black hair.

Logan tapped the girl on the shoulder.  
She looked very rock chic with a ton of eye liner on. She looked familiar.

Logan introduced us then I heard.  
"Mackenzie Davies?" Scream from the girl.  
I looked at her pretty smile and instantly recognized her familiar face... paisley prince.

She was actually dating kendall Schmidt she told me.  
How incredible. She looked amazing.  
Paisley and I met in 1st grade. We were best friends for years before I had to move away.  
My grandad died when I was 14 leaving my grandmother on her own. We moved from Nevada to Oregon to move in with her.

We lost contact soon after, last I heard from my cousin in reno, paisley had got pregnant by some idiot at school.

She dragged me over to a table and sat down leaving Logan and kendall to chat.

"Mackenzie this is amazing. I can't believe your here" she squeeled.  
Paisley was always in trouble at school where as I was the quiet one.

"Pais how have you ended up here?" I asked.

Paisley told me the story of how she had left Reno for a chance at fame in LA.  
How she met kendall and how James Maslow was her music producer.

I had no idea she was doing all that. I felt a bit silly not knowing but she explained her music was more popular in Europe. The states were a lot harder to crack.

She seemed really happy. We swapped phone numbers and she invited me down to LA soon for a house warming party she was hoping to have.

Logan and Kendall had sat with us. Logan sat so close to me he almost sat on my lap. Where as paisley Definately was sat on kendalls lap. He couldn't leave her alone.

Carlos came over soon enough  
"well if it isn't the red head" he joked giving me a kiss on the cheek.

I made a mental promise to thank Beth for the rest of my life for dying my hair.

"You wanna go to a club?" Logan asked me as the night. wore on.

"Yeah sure" I replied.  
I gave paisley another hug. She promised to call me. She gave Logan a big hug too. They chatted for a few minutes while I waited.  
James maslow and a brown haired girl called Sasha came with us.

Could my night get any better?


	45. Chapter 45

**PAISLEYS STORY**

finally we had arrived back in LA. this place was my home now despite only living here a few months.  
there was no way in the world i would ever make a return to my alcoholic mother or dead beat ex boyfriend in Reno.

bizarrely enough James had asked if i wanted to accompany him to England for his odd little holiday to find sheriden, he said that it was a good opportunity for me. but after talking to Kendall i had decided against it.  
kendall still thought James was in an awkward place and didnt want me to get mixed up in his odd relationships. i knew he meant the new sexual partners james would now pick up. i guess he was worried that james had once stolen sheriden from his heart and he didnt want to chance the persuasions of james maslow twice in one life time.  
i thought of james as attractive... who wouldnt. but i loved kendall so much there was no way on earth i would mess about with our relationship.  
so i said to james i couldnt go if it wasnt strictly music business material. i think he just wanted someone to go with him to fight for his corner. james and i had become such good friends over the last few months, that i thought of myself as one of his closest friends. he valued my opinion and i was one of the very few female population that got along with sheriden.

i asked him to call me if there was any news. james planned to be gone for 4 days. he left the same day we reached LA.

the first thing kendall and i did on reaching home was get all my belongings from my hotel. i did temporarily move in to kendalls house, but it was only until i had found a place to rent. i was excited.  
it was never going to be a massive house like kendalls rented townhouse, or even james' bungalow, but it would be a place for me to call home.  
and thats all i ever wanted.

on waking up for the first morning with kendall at his house after the tour. i didnt want to move. i was in complete bliss. it was quiet and warm and we were alone. i loved the fact that if he pissed me off then i could gladly tell him without having to worry that someone might over hear us. i hated causing a scene.

the sex we had last night was out of this world. probably the best i had ever had because i was able to relax.

each time i told kendall i loved him the more i meant it.

after having a lazy morning we set out on finding me a nice property to call my own. we saw 3 places but it wasnt until the 4th that i thought i had found what i would call home.

it was a simple place, 0ne bedroom apartment, it was in price range for what i was getting from my music sales.  
i didnt have to think about it twice. the property market in los angeles was a killer to those on a budget. i was told i should be able to move in to the house in a couple of weeks, once the other tenants had moved out.

thanksgiving was fast approaching, i didnt really celebrate it but kendall liked to, he did want to go home to his family in kansas but big time rush had filming commitments so none of us could really go far.

james had returned from England still none the wiser on where sheriden may be. she definately wasnt over there. he did kind of perk up slightly, doing as he said and try to move on. it was his idea to hold a little thinksgiving gathering for us all.

james got very in to planning his small party and spent weeks chatting about recipes and maybe even a possible date to accompany him. Logan had announced that he was bringing mackenzie with him. they had stayed in contact so i presume it was just friends as usually no one would hear from any of logans dates ever again, i did ask logan not to do his one night stand thing with mackenzie after the wonderland ball as she was invited to my moving in party and would probably pop up every now and again in our lives. i hoped he had kept his word.

Jess had kind of disappeard. carlos had said they went there seperate ways but kendall didnt know what had happened. carlos didnt seem too upset about it. i just guessed he had finally had enough of her being a whiney little bitch all the time.

the week leading up to james' thanksgiving meal was a testing one. i was still staying at kendalls. he would be spending all day filming, and come home late at night tired.  
we had been arguing a lot lately, still only over stupid stuff like if i put glasses away the wrong way up in the kitchen cupboards or the one that really pissed me off was, he had a moan because i left my towel from drying my hair on his bed... one towel. it annoyed me so much because kendall is so messy, i found myself constantly tidying up after him.

the night of the towel arguement was one of the worst we had so far.

"pais if your gonna live here, least have a bit of respect" he moaned making a song and dance of putting the towel in the wash basket.

"babe shut up, this place is usually a pig sty" i mocked smiling

"honestly im not joking paisley... it pisses me off" he replied, no smile on his face... great another arguement coming my way.

i looked at kendall, i'd had a relatively nice day, it pissed me off that he would come home in his tired moods and take it out on me.

"im sorry i left the towel on the bed kendall" i replied in a monotone voice

"no dont get shitty with me pais, im doing you a favour so you dont have to stay in that shit hotel maslow had you in" he replied

"babe im not getting shitty i just dont want an arguement, i said sorry... and it was your idea that i stayed with you until my new place is ready, i do pretty much clean up after you all day. its like a fucking tornado has hit in a room after you leave it"

kendall looked at me "fuck off" he said as he shoved past me to go down the stairs.

"fuck off?... thats fucking charming kendall isnt it... jesus i hate it when your like this"

he came back up the few steps he had taken  
"if you dont like it, get out paisley, im not forcing you to stay" he said as calm as the still ocean

i shook my head and bit my lip.  
"fuck it then... i will go" i marched in to his bed room and started emptying out my clothes that had found a home in some of his drawers, he followed me in.

"what are you doing?" he asked his arms crossed standing in the way of the door.

"doing what you want kendall, im pissed off with this shit, ive had enough!" i said chucking clothes in a bag. i got what i needed and tried to leave the bedroom but kendall wouldnt move out of the way.

"move!" i said.

"fuck off paisley, where you gonna go? sleep on the beach? its almost midnite" he mocked me.

"just get out the way" i tried to push him from the door way but he didnt budge

"your acting like a child" kendall said

"me acting like a child?... your the one spewing on about a towel left on the bed... your a dick kendall, ive had enough" i pushed him again to get out the way but he still didnt move and shoved me back.

"dont even start with that shit!" i shouted, shocked that he had pushed me.

"with what shit?" kendall smiled and shoved me again.

"your a fucking ass hole" i said raising my voice.

kendall squared right up to me, i could feel my heart almost thumping out of my chest with fear and adrenalin.

"for what this?" he said pushing me again, i ran out of space behind me and landed on the bed.

"your a total dick kendall" i shouted.

kendall just smiled and pushed me down on the bed by my shoulder while he climbed on top of my lap, he pinned my hands down on the bed. we kissed, it was fast and rough. i liked it.

"your so fuckin hot when your angry pais" kendall whispered in my ear as he kissed along my cheek.

"and your such a fucking dick" i replied pushing him off me and getting on top of him removing my top.

kendall smiled, he was so sexy. any anger that i had was about to be put to good use. i pulled his shirt off and undone his trousers.

kendall just layed back and watched as i undressed my self, i placed him inside me as i sat on his lap as he layed beneath me on his bed.

my movements were quick and urgent. i wanted to fuck his brains out for pissing me off so much.  
kendall loved it, he felt my breasts in his hands as i rocked back and forth on top of him, i moved my hands over his stomach, it felt hard and tense. it turned me on.

our timing worked out pretty well and came more or less at the same time, i hit him on his chest after "thats for being a toal dick!" i said, then leant down and kissed him.

"im sorry baby, i love you" he said wrapping his arms round my neck not letting me go. i kissed him again.

"i love you too... so much, you got to stop with all this shit though kendall. it really does wind me up" i said honestly.

he released his arms from me and i rolled on to the bed and lay next to him looking up at the ceiling

"would you of really walked out?" he asked

"yep" i replied

he held my hand as we both lay staring up at the ceiling "thats was great sex though" he replied

i laughed " your a fucking idiot" i said freeing my hand from him and giving him a playfull slap on his tattooed arm.

"man beater!" was all he replied.  
i rolled my eyes.

"cmon lets get some sleep, your so grumpy when your tired baby" i said to him getting up from the middle of the bed and pulling the covers back to get in properly.

days passed quickly and soon Thanksgiving had arrived, last i spoke to james he seemed so bubbly, i could even hear the smile in his voice over the phone, but as we arrived at his house for dinner he seemed withdrawn and moody.

i glanced at kendall when james wasnt looking, kendall just shrugged, i put it down to the fact that james probably realised this was his first thanks giving without sheriden in his life at all since the beginning of big time rush.

carlos was here alone, he was chatting away to mackenzie on james' L shaped sofa, she seemed very giggly with carlos it was funny, i left kendall, logan and james chatting in the kitchen to catch up with one of the best friends i had ever had.

carlos and mackenzie had been chatting about tattooes.

"i really want one" carlos said "but i cant make up my mind what to get"

mackenzie showed the one she had along her foot. "its arabic, but it means freespirit" she said

"do you have any paisley?" carlos asked me

"yeah i have two at the moment" i lifted my hair up and showed them both the one i had at the back of my neck just before my hair line it was a teddy bear with angel wings

"that is cute" mackenzie said having good look at it "why a teddy bear?" she added

i looked at carlos, he was aware of the abortion that i had reluctantly had when i was 15, not that we had ever spoken about it but he had been in the same room on the couple of occasions it had been spoken of.

"its in memory of what never was" i replied to mackenzie, not wanting to put a downer on james' party, not that he needed any more help as i glanced at him through the double doors leading to the kitchen i saw him and kendall looking fairly dreary as logan chatted away to them both.

"oh... i see" mackenzie said "what about the other one?" she added

i smiled and unbuttoned my trousers, i smiled at kendall as i caught his eye, it must of looked like an odd sight from where he sat.

i laughed "its in a bit of an awkward place" i said as i shimmied my trousers down showing off my black underwear and dark italian hip.

my second tattoo was just underneath my butt cheek, it was three hearts trailing along, each heart gradually smaller than the last.

kendall rolled his eyes as i looked at him again.  
i ignored him.

carlos laughed, more at the embarrassment of seeing half my ass cheek than at the tattoo.

"kendall and i are thinking of getting some on our wrists. i was thinking of jigsaw peices, then he will always be a piece of me" i smiled at the romantic thought.

"carlos you should definately get one" mackenzie said eyeing up carlos' body.

i gave out a small laugh, so did carlos, i think he could gather that mackenzie had the serious hots for him.

we ate dinner that james had made, most the chit chat coming from mackenzie and i as we talked about the good old days, and shared stories of what we used to get up to. logan found it amusing that i was classed as the bad one between mackenzie and i, as logan often teased me that i was so boring with sticking to rules.

i could count the times james had spoken on one hand, he really was having a bad day. kendall kept rubbing my leg up against his own under the table, i gave him the odd slap when i could no longer contain my smiles.

carlos and logan went in to james' lounge to battle it out on some computer game they kept going on about, james couldnt be persuaded to join in, kendall kept him company sat in the kitchen with me and mackenzie. kendall had worked his way through a bottle or two of wine with james. they both looked as miserable as each other.

"you and Logan are good friends" mackenzie finally aproached the subject I had been waiting for.

"Yeah Logan is... hilarious. There is never a dull moment with that guy... you still getting along?" I asked.

" yeah why wouldn't we?. He is really nice" Mackenzie said then kendall let out a little chuckle next to me.

"Take no notice of him, he is drunk" I frowned at kendall.

"He is a good guy to trust though right?" mackenzie asked

Shit . I didn't know how to answer. What was I meant to say... the truth? He wants a quick fuck then that's it. I can't tell her that.

"Logan is not your type mackenzie" kendall slurred out.  
I hated my boyfriend at this precise moment in time.  
I glared at him.  
"What?" He said looking at me." Mackenzie is clearly a virgin pais" he added.

That was it. I wanted the ground to not swallow me up, but my loud mouthed boyfriend.

"Fucksake kendall" I moaned.

'Well ... its not fuck sake is it... really. You knew all along Logan is after one thing"

Mackenzies mouth opened slightly more than I would have hoped.

She looked at me.  
"Kenzie its not like that. Logan really likes you..." I said  
But it was too late, kendall had opened up his big trap.

I shoved Kendall "your a fucking idiot" I said.

"Mackenzie... it might be slightly true that Logan likes to... you know. But he really does like you" I said trying to smooth out the face mackenzie now wore."the fact he isn't acting like a cave man with you is good".

"How did you know I've not had sex?" Was her only response towards kendall.

I looked at kendall. I had no idea how he knew that. i didnt even know that

James looked at me from the table he sat at now engrossed in the awkwardness that was the question of mackenzies virginity

"Logan told me" kendall replied. Which clearly made everything worse. As kendall had just said that Logan wasn't her type. So I assumed that must of come from Logan too.

I hated my boyfriend right now.  
"Kendall why are you being suck a prick?" I asked.

"What? How am I being a prick? I'm telling her the truth. Henderson is no good for her!" Kendall replied

" kendall how the fuck is that anything to do with you?" I asked my boyfriend, feeling a lot of eyes on me

"It has nothing to do with me pais, if you had bothered to speak to me at all tonight...? Maybe I wouldn't need to piss you off to get you to talk to me"

"Fuck sake... really? your moaning at me in front of my friend I haven't seen for 5 years, so you can tell her she isn't up to scratch for Logan fucking Henderson"

Logan now came in the room hearing his name and listened to the scene kendall and I had started.

"I just don't think I should have to beg for your attention pais... I've tried all fucking nite..."

"Kendall..." I whispered. I was hurt. I really didn't feel the need to be treated like this.

"No fuck it pais!" kendall said. I noticed Logan take mackenzie away. She clearly had nothing to do with my arguement with kendall. This had been brewing for a while.

"No fuck you" I retorted

"I'm done with this shit paisley" kendall said as he walked away.

I watched him walk out to the back garden. I hoped he would just have a smoke and calm down.  
I gave him a minute, gave James the look to say it will be okay. Then walked out to the garden.

Kendall was stood by the wall at the far end having a cigarette.

I walked up to him  
"Baby I'm sorry... I love you, I don't want to fight" I said, my voice soft.

"Bit fucking late" he said

"Kendall?... I love you. I didn't mean to ignore you. I was just having fun... that's all" I answered honestly.

"That's all that matters then huh? ..." he sighed in his pissed off way.

"Kendall... I can't stand arguing in public... can we just go home and sort this out" I said. Attempting to hold his hand. But he pushed it away.

"I'm pissed off paisley. I don't want to sort anything out" he said as he threw his cigarette on the floor and put it out with his foot.

"I love you kendall..." I said as he walked away.

"Yeah so you keep saying" he called as he went back in the house.

I slumped down in the patio seat. Tears prickling in my eyes.

Carlos came and sat with me.  
"Logan and mackenzie have left paisley" he informed me.

Great! i thought

"You alright?" He added.

"Yeah I will be fine" I flashed a fake smile at Carlos.

"You shouldn't let him talk to you like that you know" Carlos said.

"He doesn't mean it... its just what we do... get along, fight, make up." I smiled.

"Well make sure you do" he said.

"Yeah he is annoyed coz I won't see him for a few days properly after tonight. I should never of moved out the hotel before my place was ready" I sighed.  
"What's up with James today? Do you know?" I asked changing the subject, looking at James through the patio doors as he sat in his kitchen staring in to space.

Carlos looked at James too.  
"No... I thought he was finally snapping out of it"

"yeah me too... Well I best go make up with grumpy ass kendall" I said as I stood up and patted Carlos on the knee.

I walked in to James' house but kendall had gone.  
I walked back out to the kitchen and asked James if kendall had left.  
James said kendall had taken the dogs out.

Carlos came in from the garden and sat at the breakfast table picking at the snacks James had put out.

"James are you okay? Your very quiet today" I asked as I leaned on the breakfast bar.

James gave me a little smile but his eyes overfilled with emotion.

"Sheri... sheriden... has..." he broke down.

I walked over to him and gave him a hug.

Carlos didn't say anything. He gave James a sympathetic pat on the shoulder.

James composed himself then grabbed a news paper from the kitchen side behind him. He opened it up to a picture of sheriden Lloyd smiling up at a handsome looking guy. She had her crutches still. She looked insanely beautiful as ever with her big eyes and even bigger smile.

It was yesterdays newspaper.

"Oh James...im sorry. who is that she is with" I asked.

"Toby Malone, he is a nascar driver... look at her she looks perfect" James broke down in tears again.

I looked at Carlos. He wasn't offering me much help.

"Why can she be with this guy but can't be with me...?" he said through his broken tears.

"James I know its hard but maybe she's moved on?" I said softly.

Carlos looked awkward seeing James in this state. I looked at him to say something.

"James... that's just a friend of hers its not a boyfriend" Carlos suggested.

James looked at Carlos with his red tearfilled eyes." You don't know that. Sheri never mentioned a friend in nascar to me ever?" He argued. Using air quotes for the term 'friend'

"James she is just friends with that Toby guy. I'm telling you. don't beat ya self up over it" Carlos gave a smile then looked back to the food.

"How do you know?..." james said

carlos just shrugged his shoulders

"You've spoken to her haven't you?" James accused.

The look on Carlos' face said it all  
"...James she begged me to not say anything... I promised her"

James looked hurt. I didn't blame him. If sheriden had of called me then I would still of told James. He has been in such a state over all this.

"When?" James demanded.

"James its not as simple as all..." Carlos tried to explain but James butted in. He got up from his stool at the breakfast bar and got right in Carlos' face.

"James, cmon sit down" I begged.

"When?" James shouted this time. grabbing Carlos under his chin.  
Carlos looked terrified, all the kindness in james' eyes had gone.

"Pretty much the whole time... James I'm sorry. I promised her" Carlos pleaded.

"You knew where she was the entire time?" James asked in a whisper.

"I'm sorry" was all Carlos could manage. James' grip on him had him pinned to his seat.

"...you sent me to England trying to find her, your the one that said its worth a try". James spat as his mind worked overtime.

"You kept asking me questions James... I thought it would help you" Carlos said defending his actions.

"Help me?...FUCK! CARLOS!" James shoved Carlos where he held him on his neck, and knocked Carlos off his stool. Carlos stood up rubbing his chin but James laid in to him.

I tried to pull them off each other but I got shoved and fell to the floor.  
Kendall walked back in just in time to seperate them before anyone got hurt.

"Right!" Kendall said "who is gonna tell me what the fuck is going on?"

Kendall still stood in between his two friends to stop another fight breaking out. But he looked at me.

I got up from my fall on the floor.

"You alrite?" Kendall asked me. I nodded.

"Sheridens picture is in the paper with some racer dude. And Carlos has known where she has been since the day she left" I informed him.

"What? You knew?" Kendall raised his voice to carlos. James sat back in his seat at the breakfast table.

"She's family, she made me promise... sheriden needed a clean break James"

"Where is she?" James asked

"She is fine James. She has found it just as hard as you" Carlos replied.

"He asked where she was Carlos. Where is she?" Kendall said. His voice now at a normal if not sarcastic tone.

"I can't say. She made me promise" Carlos concluded then recieved a punch in the face from kendall.

"Fuck sake!... she said not to say... what was I meant to do" Carlos said with a hand on his newly punched cheek.

"Get out... Carlos, just go" James said. His voice had no emotion left in it.

Carlos left with out another word.

I looked at kendall.

he walked over to me, and cupped my face in his hands "you sure your alrite yeah?" he asked, completly forgetting about our arguement we had just had not even ten minutes ago ago.

"im fine baby... promise" i whispered. kendall kissed me on the forehead then sat next to james and looked at the paper with sheridens smiling face with her new "friend"

"so who is this guy?" kendall asked

"toby malone... nascar" was all james said as he held his own head in his hands slumped over the breakfast bar.

kendall nodded as he recognised the man. "so what... this guy is canadian right, so that must mean she is just over the border james...?"

"just cause he is canadian doesnt mean thats where sheriden is though kendall" i said

"yeah i know but he will be easy to find james, and if thats who she is knocking about with now then you can easily track her down" kendall decided.

i looked at james, he still just sat there and looked at the picture, i bet he must of read that little article a million times over.

"there is no point, if she wanted to see me then she would of tried by now" was all he said, he was finally defeated, all aspects of hope had died inside james in the last five minutes.

"i just want to be alone guys if thats okay" he whispered.

i looked at kendall then gave james a hug. "ring me if you need me okay james" i said as i pulled away from him. he nodded and gave a weak smile.

"see you tomorrow at the studio bro' okay" kendall said

"ya sure"was all james replied.

i hoped that after a good nights sleep james would feel a bit better, it really was one step forward 3 steps back with him right now. i missed the old james so much.  
kendall and i left him to it.


	46. Chapter 46

_**MACKENZIES **__**STORY**_

well november 1st was definately going down as one of my best days ever. i had just left a portland nightclub with logan henderson from big time rush. what an amazing experience. i felt pretty drunk, it seems the alcohol comes free when you hang around with the rich and famous.

some one must of paid for it somewhere but i had not spent a dime all evening.

logan and i got a cab back to the hotel we were staying in and got in the elevator. i wasnt sure what to expect next.

"did you... wanna come back to my room?" logan asked as we reached the 8th floor

my head went in to over drive...crap what do i do?

"sure sounds great" my mouth replied.

once inside logans room i could hear some odd noises. "what is that?" i laughed, glad my body had consumed so much booze just for the sense of fear that now was trying to take over me being in logans room. his kiss was pretty intense earlier in the evening, i expect that savannah was right about maybe logan wanting to fuck me.

logan laughed "thats james... next door with sasha" he replied with an embarrassed look on his face.

james and sasha left the club about half hour before logan and i had. i didnt really talk to either of them much, but it sounded as if sasha was having fun right now in james' room.

"you want a drink?" logan asked me as he poured himself a glass of wine.

"erm yeah sure" i replied.

logan chuckled at me. "what?" i laughed.

"mackenzie you look terrified, there is honestly nothing to be terrified over..." he said over the rampant screams coming from sashas mouth from the room next door.

i smiled at him and took the glass of wine, i pretty much downed it. i sat on the end of logans bed and he sat next to me.

"your so sweet logan, i love being made to feel so special... its been a great night. thankyou" i said

logan looked at me with a smirk on his face.

"you like to be made to feel... _special _then?" was his answer to me.

i smiled at him. oh god i think im about to have sex with logan henderson.

"i like special yeah" i replied.

with that logan leaned in for his second kiss of the night. all had gone quiet next door which i was relieved about.  
logan slipped me out of my denim jacket that i wore and gave my neck a little kiss. it felt fantastic.

we spent several minutes kissing, logan was very attentive. my heart almost stopped beating when i felt his hand go under my skirt and tug at my underwear.

shit! this was it, i was going to pop my cherry to logan, bet no one else could claim this.

after removing my knickers, logan rested me down on his bed and gently kissed my thighs, every time he got nearer the inbetween of my legs i felt i wouldnt be able to take the excitement, the suspense killed me. but finally logan began pleasing me with his tongue.

i couldnt even explain the feeling, it was amazing. like that small part of me, took control of my whole body. i ran my fingers through logans hair.  
ive never had this done before, i wasnt sure what i was meant to be doing , so i did what i has seen in the odd dirty movie i had come across in my time.

oh god, this really was the best feeling ever. i could feel logans tongue so gently caressing me, every now again he would give my clit a little suck which would send me over the edge.

i reached the point of no return far too quickly and was shocked by the embarrassing moans of pleasure that came out my mouth.

my orgasm seemed to take over my body, it was nothing i had ever felt before, no guy had ever done that to me ever, no guy had ever done much to me to be honest.

logans head popped up, he had a huge grin on his face, he seemed pleased at my overall reaction to his efforts.

i laughed at him "oh my god that was amazing" i said as i pulled my skirt back down to cover myself up

logan sat up on the bed "amazing?" he replied "or the best ever?" he added.

i thought to myself that this was an ideal opportunity to let him know that im still a virgin so he doesnt try some crazy shit on me in second.

"best ever" i replied "and first" i added.

logans eyes lit up like a christmas tree. "you've not had sex before?" he bluntly asked.

i shook my head to say no.

"well this sucks" he replied.  
my heart sank, had i disapointed him by being inexperienced?

he must of seen the look on my face as he felt the need to explain.

"oh mackenzie, no. dont think i meant like that, i mean i promised paisley that i wouldnt do anything... stupid with you. and now you just said your a virgin that makes me really want to break my promise" he clarified.

i squinted my eyes a bit... what the fuck has paisley got to do with any of this?  
"why did paisley make you promise somehing like that?" i asked

logan raised both of his eyebrows preparing for his explanation "...well it goes a bit like this... you see i have a lot of admirers, and sometimes i find it hard to say no... its a man thing...erm... basically she didnt want me to hurt your feelings because she wants you around in her life, and doesnt want an awkward one night stand from me getting in the way of you being her friend".

"oh" was all i replied. so he did do this kind of thing a lot, savannah was right. i was just going to be company for the night then that was gonna be it.

"mackenzie your an amazing girl... please dont think bad of me..." i butted in before he could finish.

"i dont really care, to be honest your probably the best way someone could lose there virginity" i clarified." but what was that you just did then? wasnt that breaking a promise...?

logan smiled and a little chuckle came out of his mouth he was clearly pissed as a fart.

"i promised her to not have a one night stand, she didnt stipulate anything else, and i wouldnt feel comfy robbing you of your virginity like that... dont girls usually have fantasies of candles and true loves and stuff..." he said

i laughed at his excellent perception of me "yeah thats pretty much how i think most girls would want it, but i dont think it happens like that a lot of the time" i answered honestly, i had heard some horror stories from my friends back home.

"well who would your ideal guy be? your one true love, dont you want to save it for someone that means something to you" he asked trying to make me feel better.

i laughed again, there was only one true love in my life at the moment.

"well?" logan asked.

"carlos pena" i said with a smile "but i cant see that happening" i chuckled.

logan raised his eyebrows again. "well you never know. from what he told me today he is fairly single at the moment"

"what? no he isnt, i saw him with his girlfriend in that bar logan, dont bullshit me" i still had a smile on my face but i didnt like to be lied to.

"no honestly, him and jess broke up, they havent been getting along for ages and have made each other so miserable... did you not notice that they were laughing and joking in the bar?" logan asked.

i generally thought thats what people did in bars, but i didnt notice so i shook my head.

"well jess doesnt usually smile... but they have broken up, i think they can get along better now, between you and me i think she was fucking some swedish guy, but carlos wasnt feeling it and decided to break it off" he finished with some over exaggerated hand movements.

"okay well thats all lovely and everything, but i dont think carlos will sleep with me just because he is the man of my dreams" i said

again logan smiled. "why not?... we dont hang around with many girls, only really paisley to be honest, the more you hang around the more he gets to know you" he added.

"logan thats ridiculous, i would jump at the chance to do this but in reality, your drunk, im drunk and carlos would not look twice at me...its stupid" i said. "if your so worried about me getting a boyfriend, why dont you go out with me" i added with a cocky raise of my eyebrow.

logans brown eyes glinted at me "i dont date" he said honestly.

"why dont you date? whats the deal" i asked him now intrigued in to the life of logan of big time rush.

"erm... well, basically i had a girlfriend a few years ago, i loved her... a lot and ... well i broke her heart, i couldnt say no to all these girls throwing themselves at me and landed my self in trouble with my girlfriend. i felt so bad she was absolutly gutted. i'll never forget the look on her face. so... i know my weakness, girls are my kriptonite. i cant be trusted, i dont want to see that look on any other girls face"

"surely you must cause that look all the time though if your giving the impression its a one night stand?" i asked, confused by his stupid attitude he had to romance.

"no coz each girl that i do end up with i explain that its got to be on the down low as i do have a girlfriend... but i dont, so they know its not going to be a whirlwind romance, but they dont get heartbroken when i dont call them back"

"what about you anyway, your hot, your... what, 21? and still a virgin, how does that happen these days?" he added changing the subject back to me.

"19 actually, i dunno, i find it hard to talk to guys. i just never got that far i guess... i dont know, 19 isnt that bad is it? my sister takes the piss out of me all the time"

"no its not bad... i like it" logan said with a wink. "honestly though lets crack on with getting carlos in to you, it will be easy, trust me"

"in to me? great choice of words there" i laughed.

"you know what i mean" logan chuckled.

"honestly mackenzie it will be easy, i would love to make your dream come true...look here is my phone number you can call me and we can all hang out" he said showing me his phone with a number lit up on the screen.

"no way, im not calling you about this, you are drunk. and very almost taking the piss out of me" i said crossing my arms.

"oh mackenzie im not, i promise... and i do keep my promises sometimes. give me your number. im going to texas for a week or so to see family but once im back i will call you and we will get you a date with mr carlos pena" he said nodding away like a happy little dog.

"your clearly mental... but okay... i guess, im not going to hold my breath though" i said

"mackenzie if i do help you to get it on with carlos will you do me a favour and not mention to paisley about what happened just a minute ago... "

i rolled my eyes, there it was, the motive of his niceness. "sure whatever" i said

"another drink?" he offered with a beautiful smile

"sure why not... least we know im not your kriptonite ay" i laughed

"i wouldnt say that mackenzie. paisley is a really great girl, so what she says goes in my book" he replied.

i didnt return to my own room until gone three, i only told savannah that we had ben to a club, she believed me so i didnt have to answer any awkward questions.

not that i was counting but it took 17 days for logan to call me. well he didnt even call me he sent a text. i was kind of glad of that though as it gave me time to word my response.

he had invited me to a thanksgiving gathering, carlos would be there.  
logan ended it with 'PROMISE it will be fun'

i had a look round at hotel and flight prices... this silly game of logans was going to seriously damage my savings. but if it meant i could hang around in the company of carlos pena then it was money well spent. how on earth had i got in to this crazy situation. it was madness.

i text logan back saying i will arrive in LA the day before, least then i could check the place out, i had never been before. i was more nervous than excited, but glad that paisley was going to be around too.

logan picked my up from LAX. As far as he was concerned i was his guest, so he offered to take me to shopping and show me the sights.

it was amazing, people looked at us. i felt so important.

i had got some really nice clothes out with logan. he even promised to take me out to dinner, i said he didnt have to but he insisted, i think maybe he was worrying that his carlos plan wouldnt work and wanted to make the trip worthwhile.  
i did try and talk him in to just having something simple at his house but he steered clear of the being alone with me option completly. maybe he really did have some problems saying no to girls.

i met logan at a restaurant near my hotel, it wasnt too posh which i was glad about, i worried so much that i would show myself up not knowing the proper things to do that celebrity people did, but logan seemed pretty normal underneath it all. he was incredibly cocky of course but it suited him, he was friendly and funny with it. he would take the piss out of everything about me but it was an easy conversation starter so i wasnt going to moan and have it taken away.  
he probed in to my thoughts as he sat opposite me in the restaurant.

"so what have you come up with to chat to carlos about?" he asked with a grin.

i had already told logan that i was rubbish at talking to boys, i really had no clue how to start a conversation with him apart from hello, of course.

"ive not really thought about it" i said.

"well he likes fun girls, so laugh a lot, flirt a lot, try not to be shy but dont dominate the room, i think thats what put him off of jess in the end" he confessed.

"is this some kind of joke? does he know that you have organised this" i asked.

"no course not, he will probably think you are my...date for the night" he laughed at his own odd joke "but i will tell all that we are just friends" he insisted.

"okay... so how come you didnt stay in texas for thanksgiving?" i asked "i had to explain to my mum that i was going to see paisley, i dont think she would of seen the funny side of the truth" i confessed.

"no i doubt she would of either... me and the boys have just started filming another series of the show, so we only really get half a day off, we have a set to do for a tv station in the morning too, im not sure if paisley is tagging along or not, so it may be worth ringing her to see if you guys can hang out? beats staying in your hotel room all morning" he said with a smile.

"yeah maybe. does pais go to a lot of places with you then?" i asked curious as to what a girlfriend of a btr member did get up to.

logan eyed me with another smile, he seemed to understand why i had asked my question. "she was supporting us on tour so that worked out well for her and kendall, but if she doesnt have anything planned herself she does like to tag along, its not as fun as it sounds, its a load of waiting around most the time, for all of us. but kendall is pretty much all she has in the world... she is a great girl, i do like paisley. she came along for kendall just in time i think"

"she is a great person, always has been always will be, she had such a rough start in life, she was gutted when i had to leave reno. her mum was a complete ass" i shared my memories with logan.

"yeah so i hear... but her life is pretty much perfect i think now" he mused.

"so getting back to to the subject... how do i get carlos" i chuckled, time was ticking on and i hadnt probed logan of all useful information yet.

"okay best advice i can give you mackenzie... pay close attention... just be yourself. honestly your great, he will love you in no time" he smiled at me

i smiled back.

"what if i do manage to get him alone... well... im going to be crap arent i... you know doing it, not that it will get to that, jesus this is a stupid idea" i was rambling

"mackenzie why is it a stupid idea? carlos is a complete push over when it comes to falling in love. he loves it. he loves having a girlfriend, its just who he is. and dont worry about being rubbish, i doubt very much you can be rubbish" logan eyed me up and down.

i laughed at his stupidity "your an idiot" i said

"does james know that im coming to his house tomorrow?" i asked.

"yeah i did say, dont worry he will be a bit cheerier than he was at the club with sasha, he has gone through a bit of a tough break up with his ex. but he seems good lately" logan said fairly cheery.

"oh yeah sheriden lloyd, im glad she isnt on the scene, i think she would of scared the life out of me, you never would of got me to LA" i laughed.

logan made a funny face, i couldnt tell if i had annoyed him or not. "sheriden... she was something you know, she looked after all of us, and one day when you and carlos hook up she will be like a sister in law to you" he laughed.

"are they really related?" i asked

"not blood but pretty much yeah. i wouldnt bring sheriden up in any conversations tomorrow mackenzie" he warned.

"i wont, dont worry, im not that stupid" i replied.

"okay well its almost time we got you back to your hotel then" he said.

i was kind of gutted, i had a nice day with logan. he walked me back to my hotel.

"well its gonna be hard to not invite myself in" he joked as he gave me a hug goodnight.

i laughed at his crude joke. knowing that logan wanted to have sex with me was an odd notion to have. but i hoped he was right about carlos being fairly easy to snag.

"thanks for all this logan. i wouldnt of told paisley about what we did the other week, im not the sort to talk about private things, there wasnt really any need to actually go through with all this craziness" i said

"no honestly i like being cupid. i will pick you up at about half two tomorrow if thats cool?" he asked.

"that is cool... thanks logan" i smiled

"your welcome" he said then left me with a kiss on the cheek.

the next morning on thanksgiving day i didnt wake up until almost lunch. i thought there was no point in phoning paisley to meet up, as soon as i would be up and ready it would be almost time for logan to be here

carlos was already at james' when logan and i arrived, logan had promised that he would set up a conversation for me then discreetly leave us to it.

"carlos, mackenzie has this friend that does tattoos, she has a bunch of ideas that you could go through for yours" logan lied.

i glared at logan after all the bullshit had finished spraying out of his mouth.  
jesus i dont know anything about tattoos apart from laying there and getting it done.

but my head nodded away to carlos with a smile on my face.

"oh really thats cool, i dont even know where to get one, what do you think?" carlos asked me as logan announced he was going to get a drink, he walked away and winked at me.

bastard! i thought.

"erm well i think on your arm is always a good place to start, it will look good too because your... defined" i said with a smile.

carlos smiled back, almost a laugh on his lips  
"yeah... well i was thinking about the arm, i had this henna tattoo done down my side last summer, i really liked that..." carlos continued talking about tattoos, paisley and kendall arrived. i showed them both the tattoo i had on my foot and paisley showed the two that she had, then i kind of just got left chatting with her.

i sat inbetween carlos and logan at dinner, but again paisley, bless her heart. just wanted to chat to me. i decided i would try and talk to her, maybe let her in on the little hidden agenda logan had for me. it might make her feel less inclined to have to talk to me all the time.

i tried to approach the subject after dinner while logan and carlos played a game on the flat screen in the lounge. but approaching the subject led to me finding out that logan had already opened his big mouth about me to kendall.

kendall let all in the room know i was still a virgin in the most humiliating way.  
i hated logan and paisleys dumb ass boyfriend so much. i could feel the tears starting to well up in my eyes as logan walked in to the kitchen after kendall started an arguement with his girlfriend over something that had nothing to do with me.

logan gave me a nod to go with him. i had no choice. i didnt want to stay here after all that happened but i didnt really want to spend another minute with logan henderson for company either.

carlos looked at me from the sofa he sat on as we went through to james' lounge, the game was on pause he must of heard everything that was said in the kitchen.

i wanted to die, i was so embarrassed.

"you alrite?" carlos asked as i walked through the lounge.

i couldnt even look at him, i felt logans arm on my back, ushering me forwards towards the front door. i just walked on.

we began walking away from james' house, "why did you tell kendall that? am i just a complete joke to you?" i asked as the tears started rolling down my face.

logan stopped walking "no, mackenzie your not a joke, i didnt really tell him, he kind of guessed the other day, i told him that i was bringing you with me, and he assumed you were another... fuck buddy of mine, i was worried he would tell paisley and she would get the hump with me when i hadnt really done anything wrong" he said

"how did he guess logan, do you have any idea how embarrasing that was?" i raised my voice.

"im sorry for that, he was in a mood. he gets like that sometimes. i kind of just implied you werent ready for that kind of relationship, and he came up with the rest himself... im sorry mackenzie"

"i think its a good job that you cant keep a girlfriend. you make a shitty enough friend let alone boyfriend" i said to logan.

"i will take you back to your hotel" was all he replied. i think i hurt his feelings, but he had already hurt mine so i didnt give a shit!

"no forget it i will make my own way back" i said then walked off round the corner. logan didnt follow me.

i carried on walking for a bit i had no clue where i even was. logan and i had got a taxi to james' house. i was in a strange place and didnt even have any money on me.  
i felt scared and walked back to james' i saw carlos walking towards his car in james' drive. it was still light enough to see he had been hit in the face.

he looked at me, you couldnt really not notice it wasnt me with my red hair "you want a lift?" he said

"thanks" i replied, we got in the car and carlos sped off

"how on earth did you get punched?" i asked after a few moments of silence.

"because i kept my word that i wouldnt say anything to a someone that means a lot to me, but kendall decided that wasnt a very good idea" he said shaking his head with a pissed off laugh.

"what about you, how come your wondering the streets of LA on your own?" he asked giving me a sideways glance.

"because im angry at logan because he couldnt keep his mouth shut" i declared.

"sounds about right" carlos said "i thought maybe he was really in to you, its not often we see the same girl twice with him" he added

"yeah he said bout all that. but no its just friends" i replied

"oh right well thats cool, which hotel are you in?" he asked.

"the standard, south flower street" i replied, a bit gutted that carlos just wanted to get rid of me.

"do they have a bar?" he asked

i looked at him "erm yeah i think so" i replied

"fancy a drink?" he said just pulling on to south flower street

"yeah... yeah okay, its been a bit of a crappy night huh?" i admitted

"yeah ive got an even crappier one coming my way when i call sheriden" he said

"sheriden lloyd?" i queried.

"yeah she left james on no notice, and left me to pick up all the pieces" he sighed

"why did she leave him?" i asked hoping to get a good piece of gossip. the sheriden lloyd story had been all over the papers when she dumped james.

"she has some health problems with her back and didnt want to make james miss any of... well life i guess. james found out she is kind of seeing someone else, thats why he was quiet today" he said as he parked the car up.

"oh right. well he will get over it wont he?" i said

"i hope so, ive got to go on set with him and kendall tomorrow... i hope that this wont show up" he turned the in car light on and checked the red mark on his cheek.

"i think the bar is out of the question" i said as i saw some very drunk rowdy boys head from a mini bus in to the hotel having looked like they had had a lot more fun celebrating thanksgiving than us

"yeah, it will be heaving wont it!... well if you wanna take a a rain check. we could hook up another time maybe" he said with a smile.

"im going home tomorrow... just my luck" i laughed at my self.

carlos laughed too "course, your in love with me arent you, i remember your sister saying"

"oh god... i was hoping you had forgotton that" i said covering my face in my hands at the memory.

"nope i never forget a red head" he said with a smile.

"do you think you will visit us again?" he added.

"i ... doubt it" i laughed. "logan hates me, and i could do with never seeing kendall again" i said honestly.

"well they do say that you should never get too close to your idols... we arent as simple as the guys on the show, always a fight or a bit of drama going on with one of us" he said.

"well you seem pretty normal and nice, no hidden agendas. so thats all that really matters for me... i will still buy the records" i smiled.

carlos smiled back "well if you do visit paisley again, maybe we can hang out then?" he offered.

"well i would kind of need your phone number carlos" i said with high hopes.

he chuckled "yeah you will wont you...go on then" he decided

i got my phone from my purse ready to put in carlos' number

"ready" i declared. i punched his number in to my cell phone as he called it out

"hey are you not going to paisleys moving in party then?" he asked

"oh i forgot about that... um well if you wanted to meet up for that then im not gonna lie i would love that carlos" i beamed.

"okay cool, its a date then" he said "and your definately not with logan?" he added

"100% not with logan henderson" i clarified.

carlos smiled and leaned in with a hug "take care getting home tomorrow mackenzie okay" he said

"thanks, i will. i hope you dont get moaned at too much, you are a good friend to have, i hope sheriden knows that" i said.

carlos sighed "yeah a good friend to sheriden but a shitty one to james" he sighed.

i gave him a smile and one last wave then left carlos penas' car.


	47. Chapter 47

mackenzies story

carlos and i had been in constant contact since thanksgiving. i think everyone was giving him such a hard time over this sheriden lloyd crap that he only had me to talk to that wouldnt pass judgement.

logan had phoned me too, he apologised for everything that had happened and said that its not worth losing a friend over. i thought this was really nice seeing as we had only just met a month or so ago, and he was all famous and everything. i guess i just didnt see logan like that, he was just this cocky, funny guy.

i didnt mention either logan or carlos to ether of them, i didnt want to be seen as a hypocrite. if they talked about me then so be it. they both knew my most embarrassing secret already of being a virgin, thanks to dumb ass kendall... geez i hated that guy.

well it was 3 days until christmas and i was just flying back in to LAX for paisleys house warming party.

i was making my own way there. paisley said i could stay at hers on the sofa, she only had a one bed apartment. it saved me a ton of cash on a hotel so i was pretty pleased with my sofa date for the night.

as i got off the plane and got in a cab i text carlos and said i was on route to paisleys.  
he just replied with a smiley face and C U SN.

it made a massive smile appear on my face.

paisleys apartment was 4 floors up, it really was something though, i still couldnt believe that all this fame and fortune stuff had come along for pais. she kept insisting that there really wasnt that much of a fortune yet, but the look of her apartment, clothes and car, she was obviously lying or kendall took very good care of her.

paisley greeted me at the door, it was early afternoon so naturally i was very early for the party, pais' showed me around, it was open plan mostly, it looked out on to a beautiful view of LA, her furniture was very modern, it all smelt new.

i noticed kendall loitering in the kitchen, i gave him a small smile, he did the same, no apology from him for being a dick then? nope! nobhead!

"so, hows the logan / mackenzie romance going?" paisley asked me.

i shook my head "well there isnt a romance, never was, we are just good friends still" i clarified.  
with that question, i presumed neither logan or carlos had mentioned anything about me to anyone.

"oh right, i just assumed you two were... oh never mind" she said with a smile.

"what about you and him?" i said eyeing kendall who was currently sat in front of a big plasma tv.

paisley smiled at my hatred for her boyfriend and shook her head "me and him are absolutly fine. he is amazing kenzie, the best thing thats ever happened to me, i dont think i could love anyone more"

i screwed my face up a bit and took another look at kendall schmidt, he was still watching tv but now having a sly scratch of his balls. paisley was either very much blinded by love or very deluded by kendall schmidt. i did not see the attraction one bit.

"so who is coming to this party then?" i asked.

"well you, me, kendall, logan, and carlos, and there dates... erm my friend amberleigh, she is bringing someone too, some guys from the band, some... erm there is max the sound guy... just a few of my friends that i have made. i think thats about it. sounds a bit shit really but i dont know many people" she ended with.

"oh i see so both logan and carlos will have dates will they?... is james not coming?" i threw james in to put her off the scent of my questioning.

"yeah they said they both had dates, your not going to find it weird are you with logan? his dates are usually pretty hard core, one i met did a strip dance for us on carlos dining table" she chuckled at the memory "but no james is... ill, well he has lost the plot and wont talk to any of us. i havent seen him since the day after thanksgiving" she added.

"im sure logans date will be fine" i laughed "is james okay then, or has he done a runner like his ex?" i asked, wanting more first hand gossip on the story of the year.

"no he is at home still. i threatened to phone the police, so he texts me every other day to say he is still alive and kicking, but even then its only 'im fine pais. stop phoning'" she did her best james impersonation which didnt sound anything like him, but i laughed.

time ticked on and guest started arriving, i assured paisley that she didnt have to talk to me all night and to enjoy her self, she gave me a hug then went off and did her own thing.

logan arrived fairly early, he had brought a date, paisley was right, she was pretty hard core looking. once again i was glad i had my striking dark red hair. logans date was blonde, very very pretty and liked to touch his dick in front of everyone.  
i mean it wasnt even discreet, she would stand slightly in front of him talking, and just give it a little rub everynow and again... what a whore, there is a time and a place.  
between kendall scratching his balls and now logan and his dick fondler girlfriend, big time rush were definately better left to the fans imaginations.

i hoped carlos and his date would still be normal. i was gutted that he had asked someone else to come, i thought maybe i had cracked it with out needing logans helps at all.

finally the buzzer went again, and i over heard paisley say to someone it was carlos. my stomach made leaps inside, at the thought of seeing him again.

finally he arrived up to the 4th floor and in paisleys new home.  
he was alone, i couldnt see a date, the apartment was pretty crowded but im sure no one came in with him. i saw him say passing hello's to a few people and he made a bee line for me.

"mackenzie... hey" he said and greeted me with a kiss on the cheek.

"hey, all okay?" i still eyed the surroundings to make sure there was no female companion. all i did see was logan henderson looking at me. i gave him a little smile.

"yeah all is great, you look fab. i was expecting dark hair after you said about wanting to change it the other night on the phone" he said, he seemed really cheery, he had sounded a bit miserable on the phone.

"yeah i was going to change it back, but beth my friend that does it for me, she said it will look amazing for new years, we are going to this party you see..." i replied

"well im glad i really like the red, and it makes you a lot easier to spot in times like this" he laughed and looked at the very overcrowded house.

"paisley said you were bringing a date?" i asked shyly.

carlos chuckled "erm... yeah kind of, i thought we could... well i thought maybe you could be my date?" he looked embarrassed "thats if you dont have a date? "carlos also scanned the room and we both ended up locking eyes with logan henderson.

i giggled "no i dont have a date, and i would love to be yours... could cash in that rain check i guess" i laughed.

carlos held out his hand for me to take and he led me in to the kitchen to get a drink.

"i have something to show you actually. its a bit corny but ..."

"nope i love corny, go for it!" carlos said with a smile, watching as i rummaged through my purse.

i pulled out a copy of the picture savannah had taken of me and carlos at the meet and greet, it was a nice picture, i looked semi decent and carlos was in mid laugh... i loved it.

"its from the meet and greet the last month" i clarified, just incase he had forgotton, he must do millions of those things.

carlos looked at the picture and smiled "you grabbed my bum" he laughed.

again my face went red "yeh i think i did" i giggled.

"well if there is anything else you want to grab... feel free" he said with the raise of a sexy eye brow.

i laughed and looked at my feet.

"sorry i didnt mean to embarrass you" he said.

"dont be daft, i just find all this so surreal you know, standing in this lush apartment surrounded by all these famous people... and you"

carlos looked at his own feet for a second "so you and logan... there is nothing in that then no?" he came out with

"just friends" i answered.

"what about you? you have your eye on anyone?... or is it too soon after...jess is it?" i asked

"yeah it was jess, erm no she wasnt right for me, i should of listened to my friends on that one really, but i do have my eye on someone new" he said trying to hide a smile

i looked at the floor again, feeling my face go red.

"mackenzie... why are you hiding in here?" came logan hendersons voice.

logan greeted carlos with just eye contact and a smile, his date followed him in to the small kitchen.

logan introduced carlos and i to harriet, or harri, as she preferred to be called. she was wearing so much more make up than she really needed to, she had the look about her that daddy would buy her anything she wanted. i felt really awkward. i was pretty much the only normal person here.

logan asked carlos what he had planned for christmas, carlos seemed to like this topic of conversation and got very excited talking about home and family.

i was left with dick handler harriet.

"so how long have you known logan for?" i asked harri.

"not long about 2 days i guess, we met in a club the other night" she replied "are you carlos' girlfriend?" harriet replied to me.

she hadnt said it overly loud but i could imagine both logan and carlos would hear my response "no we are just friends. i havent known the guys long either" i admitted.

"oh i see, so are you from cali'?" harriet asked.

"no i live in idaho at the moment in boise."

harriet just nodded,

"i thought you lived in oregon?" carlos asked breaking his conversation with logan.

"no my family live in portland, but i got the opportunity to move to boise for the hairdressing, my sister savannah came with me, but we travel home pretty much every other weekend" i declared.

"do you have anything against idaho carlos?" i laughed.

"no, i just find it odd i didnt know that, we have talked so much... ive talked so much about myself havent i?" he laughed

i laughed too, "no... i like hearing about you" i smiled

carlos gave me a good 10 second stare before saying "did you want to go listen to me talk about myself somewhere more private mackenzie?"

i looked at logan and a laugh popped out of my mouth, i looked back to carlos "i would love to" i gushed

"cool lets roll" he replied,

we made our excuses to paisley and left, i said i would text her.

we made our way to carlos' car, he was full of chit chat, i noticed he would fluctuate with his moods, one minute he would be quite sad, then very happy, then sad again, he was a roller coaster of emotion.

he took me to his house, naturally fear envoked me.

"come on he said. there is someone i would like you to meet"

as we walked in to carlos' house i couldnt see any people, i hoped that carlos had meant his dog that had padded up to me and greeted me with a wet nose.

his home was really very beautiful, he walked me in to his lounge, first of all i saw the biggest flat screen in the world attatched to the wall, a large christmas tree also dominated the room. it was very tastefully decorated, not one scrap of tinsel on it, just pretty lights and ornate looking bauballs.

i looked around the room, there was a small sofa that was pressed up against the same wall as the door we had just walked in to. on that sofa sat a woman.

"mackenzie davies, i would like you to meet miss sheriden lloyd" carlos said, with a beaming smile on his face.

sheriden looked more shocked than i did but she said hello to me, and also gave carlos the what the fuck is she doing here look.

"sheriden, mackenzie is from idaho" was all he said, then sheriden looked me up and down and gave me a smile.

"well no im from nevada originally" i said, completly confused as to what the importance was which state i had flown in from.

"yeah but you have a permenant address in idaho right?" carlos smiled.

"yeah... carlos whats all this about?... im meant to be staying at paisleys tonight..." carlos butted in but spoke to sheriden.

"so shoo, what do you think of her?" he beamed.

again sheriden looked at me "carlos i think your scaring your guest" was all she replied.

"shit yeah your right, look come out to the kitchen and i will explain it all to you.." he said grabbing my hand and pulling me out to his dining room, i sat on a seat and watched as sheriden made her way in. she was on crutches. but pulled a chair out for herself and sat down at the table.

"mackenzie!" sheriden started "i take it you have no clue as to why carlos just dragged you round here?" she said.

i just shook my head, i had hoped that carlos had found me girlfriend material and i was about to get it on with the man of my dreams.

"basically im starting a tv show that will air on mtv next summer, which will hopefully find some decent modelling talent, i have allowed my self one girl from each state to start me off. so 50 girls under 21 all battling it out to be my next big thing" she finished.

i looked at carlos, what the hell was he trying to get me involved in, im not model material.

"im sure there are a bunch of girls in idaho that would be a lot more keen on it than me" i said

"well thats the thing, there isnt, sheriden did have an idaho girl but she ended up not being all we had hoped for so now she is missing 3 girls, idaho, california, and wisconsin" carlos added

"you want me to take part in some reality fashion show in the hope of becoming a winner and becoming a model?" i said very sarcastically.

again sheriden looked at me, eyeing up all the possible problems my body may have "pretty much, you have a great look, the hair i love, the style... not so much, but that can be fixed" she said.

i looked at her, what the fuck is wrong with my style?

"thanks" i replied, "its not really my thing, im just a hairdresser... it sounds great and im probably so stupid to pass it up but im not all that outgoing, and being on tv and stuff scares the hell out of me" i explained.

sheriden looked at me again "well im not sure that dating a famous person is the best way to hide from the limelight" she said.

i looked at carlos, he looked at me "we arent dating" i said

"really... well i had heard that maybe you would" sheriden replied.

again i looked at carlos, he gave me a smile.

"i will leave you to think it through we have a few weeks yet, you can contact me through carlos" sheriden said then got up from her seat and made her way back in to the living room with the aid of her crutches.

carlos came and sat next to me, his mood had gone from over excited to one that was deep in thought.

"carlos what was all that about?" i said shaking my head.

"i just thought it would be an amazing opportunity for you" he said.

"you know what... i thought this... me and you, was an amazing opportunity for me" i felt disapointed, i knew carlos liked me, but i just felt a bit let down by what had happened in the last ten minutes. is being normal not enough.

"mackenzie... shit ive fucked up havent i?... this... me and you. i really want it to be more than friends... i really do" he said then leaned in to kiss me.

it was only a small kiss, just long enough for a taste of his tongue, but it blew me away. my brain turned to mush.

"oh my word... i just kissed carlos pena" were the only words to come out of my mouth.

carlos laughed "you wanna go chill out together?" he asked

"definately" i replied. he took my hand and led me upstairs.

my heart was beating uncontrolably as we entered carlos' room, i began to panic.

"you okay?" carlos asked as he looked at my fear on my face

i nodded but reached in to my bag and grabbed my inhaler and had a good few puffs

carlos laughed at me "mackenzie calm down" he said as he sat on a sofa that was at the side of his bed and turned the tv on that hung on the wall the other side "its just chilling out... what dvd do you want to watch?" he said with the biggest smile on his face.

i did sit down as i tried to take in a deep breath.

"sorry i just get so nervous" i said, i could feel my airways getting tight.

"its fine, honestly, nothing bad is going to happen, are you ok?"he asked looking at me take a few puffs on my medicine. "just a dvd and get to know you chat" he said then gave me a hug.  
i think i could probably of had a little cry if i was alone

carlos' hug was nice, he pulled away and looked in to my eyes, i think he was giving me the option if i was ready to kiss him again.

"yeah im fine... just a bit wheazy... you literally take my breath away" i joked. then went in for the invited kiss. this time was slow and delicious, i felt his hand place itself on my hip, our tongues playing with each other in our mouths.

i pulled away, giving him a few smaller kisses as a small parting gesture.

"its a shame this is happening now" carlos said, his voice was low, i think he enjoyed the kiss quite a lot

"why do you say that?" i asked

"im going to florida tomorrow to spend christmas with my family... so i wont see you until january" he said.

i gave him a smile "im jumping on a plane myself tomorrow to go home, so i wouldnt of been here anyway, i was only staying with paisley for the one night" i explained.

"oh i see, well thats not so bad then... new year new start" he said

"carlos i dont mean to pry, but is that why sheriden is here, to travel home with you?" i asked very much prying in to his personal life with sheriden lloyd.

carlos sighed... "no, sheriden is here to try and sort her head out" he said "you should think about the modelling thing, she is right you do have an amazing look for it... she knows her stuff" he added

"i just like being normal" i replied.

carlos just smiled "so what dvd do you want?" he asked

i just shrugged and kissed him again, i couldnt be arsed to watch a dvd with carlos pena, i just wanted to kiss him.

the kissing stayed on the lips for only a few minutes before carlos started trailing off down my neck, it felt amazing, i wanted to surrender my body to him.

"mackenzie... do you want this?" he asked his breathing erratic.

i looked in to carlos' eyes, our faces just an inch apart now... carlos pena the man of my dreams is asking if i want this.

"i do but im terrified" i whispered.

carlos smiled "slow is cool with me kenzie" he whispered back.

the evening went really fast. i went back to paisleys still a virgin just after midnite, i was however now very familiar with what carlos pena's penis looked like.

carlos and i had fooled around a lot but not really being on the scale on intimate, he got his cock out and i played with it a bit... it was all a bit... well, a let down i guess, he was lovely, i just hadnt found that click with him yet. lucky for him i found him so attractive. he kept going on about the stupid modelling thing of sheridens too, i think he wanted me to do it more for her than any good it would do for me.

paisleys party was still in full swing when i arrived back, although a few people had gone

"hey kenzie... how was your evening with carlos" paisley asked

"it was odd really... but we are kind of seeing each other ... i think, " i admitted

paisley screamed and gave me a hug, i noticed logan look at me, he must of thought i had got my wicked way with carlos, he gave me a smile. i couldnt see his cock grabber girlfriend anywhere though.

he made his way over to me and paisley "whats all the screaming about now reno?" he said giving me a good eyeing up as if to check if i was no longer a virgin.

"kenzie and carlos are dating" she said to logan.

logan smiled. he knew i was still a virgin, it was like he could smell it. he was also very drunk, i dont think i had seen him sober since the first time i met him.

"dating... isnt that a turn up for the books!" he said sarcastically

paisley laughed and went over to talk to kendall

"logan can i talk to you in private?" i asked

"yah sure" he replied.

he opened up paisleys front door and we walked out in to the hall landing of the apartments

"whats up... need some tips?" he grinned

i hit his arm "no, dont mess about. if i tell you something that i think is quite important will you promise to not blab it out... its just i have no idea what to do with this...what i know" i said

"jesus kenzie what is it, is carlos really a girl?" he said still joking away.

"no he definately is not a girl" i said and logan raised an eyebrow to me "but he had a friend staying with him at his house... sheriden lloyd" i finished

"oh fuck, i wish you hadnt just told me that" logan said. "if james finds out i know this then..." he stopped as some guests left paisleys house. paisley said goodbyes and eyed us both suspiciously before closing the door again.

"look, im not going to say anything but, pais said how fucked up james is right now, and im pretty sure no one knew she was at carlos'" i said in whispers.

logan guided me further away from paisleys door.

"why is she here, hasnt she fucked james up enough?" logan said in a hushed tone.

"well carlos dragged me from here to go to his house, i thought he wanted to get to know me but its because sheriden was there, she is doing this modelling thing and carlos ... showed me to her. it was fucked up. but he did say she is trying to sort her head out" i confessed.

logan laughed

"whats so funny?" i asked

"carlos... he gets a hot girl back to his place to show his sister... thats funny, so much for romance" he added

i hit logans arm again "he was romantic actually..." i said defending carlos

logan gave me the look to say bring it bitch "what did carlos do that was sooo romantic then kenzie?" he asked

i thought for a minute "well we kissed, and he was caring, he said we could take it slow, and..." i lingered.

"and what?..." logan said.

"and... i may have given him a hand job" i admitted

logan burst out laughing "oh. my. god. kenzie that is not romantic, all you did was jack him off. that is him being selfish... oh my god thats brilliant" he mocked.

"fuck off logan, what the hell do you know about romance anyway, your a one night wonder" i moaned.

"you want to know how romantic i can be?" he asked

"yeah i do as it goes, bet its a pretty poor performance" i said

logan kind of shook his body down, like he had just done a work out. he then pressed his body very close up against mine, my back was now up against the landing wall.

he took both my hands in his and kissed my neck. he whispered in my ear

"mackenzie...this romance bullshit... you know i fuck about, but i really think i feel something for you" i could feel his thumbs rubbing the outside of my hands. he carried on.  
"ive said it before but i really do think your the most beautiful girl ive ever seen in my life... you take my breath away kenzie"  
his hands broke off from mine and he placed his hands on my hips.  
"i want to make love to you so bad, not just for one night, i would never want that for us. for you... i want the world for you" he finished.  
then kissed me slowly on the lips. my heart felt like it had swollen to triple it normal size. his kiss was loving and attentative. his hands stayed firmly on my hips, this wasnt a time for ass grabbing.  
"im in love with you" he said as he pulled away.

paisleys door opened and kendall poked his head out.  
he looked shocked at what he saw, but chose to ignore it "erm guys, ive got something to say in a minute if you wanna have a listen" kendall said.

"sure buddy" logan said, and paisleys door closed again, leaving us alone.

i looked at logan, he looked at me. .

he let go of my hips, the smouldering look he did have on his face had vanished and in replacement for it was his usual cocky smile, for the second time that night i had to get my inhaler out and have a puff on it. these big time rush boys definately lived up to there name.

"see" he said "that was romantic" he said eyeing up my shocked face.

i let out a deep breath...  
of course, he is an actor. that was a good show

"yeah you would of been able to pop my cherry i reckon if kendall hadnt disturbed you" i said with a wheazy smile, keeping my puffer in my hand.

logan looked at me. i think our little game we had played was a draw now.

"where has your date gone anyway?" i asked.

"hmmm, she wasnt very friendly, paisley caught her going through her purse" he said.

"really? she looked very kept to me, i wonder why she would steal" i said shocked.

"harriet already had kendalls phone in her bag, she had picked it up from the kitchen side. i feel bad for it all really, but your right she didnt look the type" he sighed. "still she was a good fuck!" he said giving my bum a pat.

i frowned and hit his hand "come on lets go and see what scratchy bollocks has got to say" i said to logan and pulled him towards the door. he gave me an odd look and smiled.

once inside we didnt have to wait long for kendall to do his announcement.  
he whistled for everyone to shut up.

paisley obviously had no clue what was going on now, she looked a bit scared.

"right as most of you know paisley has to put up with a load of shit from me most the time, and seeing as it is very almost christmas i wanted to give her a very special gift to say thank you for hanging in there with me, because i do love you pais' you mean everything to me and so much more" kendall said giving paisley a cute little kiss and handing her an envelope.

she opened it up and screamed then hugged kendall

"i thought this wasnt going to be for ages yet" she said to him

"well james kind of gave us all a christmas holiday huh" kendall replied.

it turned out kendall had booked a holiday for him and paisley to go to paris, they had 6 hours untill there flight

maybe he wasnt such a douche bag after all.

logan nudged me "see even kendall is more romantic than carlos" he said with a grin

i took one last puff on my inhaler then popped it back in my bag"your an ass, you know that dont you. what are you doing for christmas, not going to texas again?" i asked

"no im james sitting, i said i would pop round there to see how he is doing, plus my family have all gone to hawaii with out me for christmas, i was meant to be working but good old james is holding everything up" he said.

"i thought james was jewish, he doesnt even celebrate christmas?" i asked

"yeah he is but the good thing about james, is he worries a lot, and if he knows that im all on my own he will invite me round to hug it out" he smiled his cocky smile again, at his little plan to cheer james up.

"will you tell him about you know who?" i asked meaning sheriden.

"no, im just gonna forget the entire time that we just spent out in that hallway" he said bluntly.

"oh... okay" i replied, i knew he was only messing around in the hall way with me, but he had hurt my feelings a bit now.

"what about you? at your moms?" he asked.

"yeah my flight is tomorrow afternoon" i confirmed

logan nodded.

the party trailed off pretty soon after that, paisley kind of lost interest and started packing a suitcase, cursing kendall for not giving her much time to prepare for a trip. i was kind of glad, least i would get some kind of sleep on the sofa, i would be spending a very boring day at the airport tomorrow. my flight wasnt until 5pm, but with paisley and kendall leaving so early in the morning i would be homeless very early on.


	48. Chapter 48

**SHERIDENS STORY**  
Carlos had just phoned me, he left for the airport with his new girlfriend just after eleven.

I was just getting ready to go and visit my kind of ex boyfriend James maslow. I had left James with no warning months ago.

I had some unexpected news about my health and didn't think it fair to drag James down with me.  
I knew he would say it didn't matter and talk me round so I just left him a letter and boarded a plane to Spain.

I still loved James.I loved him so much but he was destined to have an amazing life, he new what he wanted, and I knew what he didn't.  
Which pretty summed up what life would be like if I stayed with James.I just couldn't do it to him.

However Carlos had called me three days ago pleading with me to go and see him.  
James had found out Carlos knew my where abouts, and had taken his betrayal very badly.

James hadn't shown up for any kind of work for over four weeks now.  
No one had seen him.

Carlos thought I could help James sort his head out. I had sorted my head out where James was concerned , it was what my heart would feel that scared me.

I had been so nervous all morning.  
If it wasn't for the crutches I still relied on to get about then I would of been pacing the floor.

I drove the short distance to James house. usually it would take about ten minutes but it was Christmas eve and the roads were full of people still dashing around trying to get last minute gifts.  
I wish I was on that flight with Carlos going home to see the people I call my family.

I felt so nervous I could be sick

I pulled in to the familiar looking drive car was here so hopefully he is in.  
I had a back up plan of a letter with some kind words and my cell number on it.

I eased my way out of my Mercedes and pulled my crutches over from the passenger side and made my way up to the front door.

I took a deep breath but I could feel the tears already brewing behind my eyes.  
I knocked on the door...

Nothing, but I could hear a dog barking.

I knocked again, after a few seconds I could hear the lock mechanism in the door move.  
It opened.

"hello James" I said, the tears falling from my face.

He just stared at me for such a long time.  
He looked terrible, he had a beard, his hair needed a good cut, he wore shorts,a dressing gown and flip had lost a lot of weight by the looks of his face.

"are you real" was all he said.

"I'm real James, may I come in?" I asked.

James just walked in to me and collapsed crying in my arms.

"come on let's get inside" I whispered.

We sat on the L shaped sofa, James just couldn't control his emotion he was just slumped on me crying his eyes out.

"come on James, take a breath and calm down" I soothed to him.

"promise me you won't go" he said  
"I missed you so much"

"I just want to talk James, you look so bad...what have I done to you huh"

As I looked around James' lounge the severity of what I had done set in. The place was chaos. Cups, plates, cushions, and rubbish was all over the place.  
I had never known James to so much as leave his mug on a table after he had finished his drink , he had obviously reached rock bottom.

"James baby come on, stop crying" I said through my own tears.

"promise you won't go again... Please Sheriden" he sobbed in to my shoulder.

I hadn't banked on staying but there was no way I could leave him now, even if he was laughing and joking I don't think I could of left.  
Once again James had captured my heart.  
I had missed him more than I thought possible.

"I'm not going any where okay, I promise" I said prising his head from my shoulder. He sat forward and put his head in his hands.

"I can't believe your here" he said, his voice broken from his tears.

I pulled him back in for a cuddle. He was so broken, how on earth could I cause all this pain for my James, my beautiful amazing James.

"Carlos said you needed me" I whispered.  
James came out of my hug for him

"are you with that Nascar guy" he said it so quietly I just about heard him.

"Toby? He is just a friend. He wants to be more but I just cant... I'm not ready" I said.

"I've slept with 14 girls Sheriden..I'm so sorry, none of them meant anything to me all I wanted was you..." James blurted out.

I took his hand and gave it a squeeze. "14 huh.. James it's okay, they don't matter okay, I just left you. you were free to do what you wanted"

"I wanted you.. Sheriden please don't leave again" he pleaded.

I smiled at him. I got lost in his brown eyes.  
James moved in to kiss me. I hesitated but my heart let him in.

His kiss was a scared one, he wasn't sure if I wanted to and he wanted to protect his heart from more pain.

I had waited so many months to re live a kiss from him. His face felt odd against mine with a beard.

His hand held the side of my face, he pulled away from our kiss.

"James you look awful... What have I done" I sobbed my own tears now getting out of control.

"hey come on, your the strong one remember Sheri...don't do this to yourself... "

A smile appeared on my face.

"what's that beautiful thing for?" James whispered running his thumb along the bottom of my smile.

I let out a laugh "it's Christmas eve, I don't think I've seen a Jewish guy look so much like Jesus Christ" I said running my own hand along his bearded face.

James gave a little chuckle, his eyes still ready to cry without notice. I missed his beautiful laugh so much.  
"I have let my self go a bit I guess... Sheriden I love you still... So much" he replied.

"I love you to, I'm sorry I left but I just can't ruin your life like that... It's not what you want..." I cried.

"Sheriden all I wanted, and all I still want is you... You have to believe me. We can cross each problem together if they arise" he said still holding my face in his hands.

I smiled at him.  
"what?" He asked me.

"it's good to hear you talk like that, like how you used to be, so in control. I thought for a minute there I had screwed you up for life" I whispered tears running down my face.

James kissed me again. This time was longer. I loved him so much.

"how come your still on those" he said looking at my crutches that lay next to where I sat.

"just a bit sore from that drunken fall still, my doctor says they are more a hindrance than a help, but I'm so slow with out them"

James looked at them for a few seconds then got up from his seat and picked my crutches up, he took them out to his kitchen and placed them out of reach on top of his kitchen cupboards.

I gave him a puzzled look.  
"why did you do that?" I asked.

"two reasons...one the doctor says your better without them and two, if you are as slow as you say you are I should have time to grab a shower and catch you up if you decide to do another runner" he smiled.

He sat back down,

"you know I was going to ask you to marry me when we moved in to bel air?" He said looking in to space.

I did know this, Kendall let it slip in the car on way to the clinic before I got my bad news.

"I would of said yes" I replied.

I had a rummage in my purse and pulled out my car keys.  
I handed them to James.  
"there you go you should have enough time for a shave too" I smiled.

I was only joking about the keys, but James took them.  
"thanks Sheriden." He said as he kissed me on the cheek then flipflopped his way to his bedroom to his ensuite.

I made my way in to the kitchen. It was worse than the lounge, crap everywhere. Empty juice cartons, even more plates, just a mountain of cleaning that needed to be done.

I filled the dishwasher up, and made my way through the bungalow filling up a garbage bag with all the rubbish that was laying about. I moved slowly but I got the job done, I poked my head in James bedroom.  
I was shocked to see it was still kept perfectly. It looked the same as I had left it. All my perfumes and cosmetics still sat on the dresser, even the dress I had hung up on the outside of the wardrobe all those months ago still hung there.

Poor James, I felt so bad.

I put the garbage bag in the kitchen then sat down in the lounge.  
Fox, james' dog jumped up and sat snuggled in to the side of me.

"hey little guy...I've missed you too" I said to fox as I stroked his head.

"what have I done to your daddy huh fox".

14 girls under his belt in just a few months, to be honest when Carlos had told me that James was up to his old tricks I thought it would be a lot more than 14.

James emerged out of his bedroom, wearing clean clothes. jeans and a long sleeved top. he was clean shaven now, the extent of his weight loss was more visable now the beard had gone, he had lost some of his muscle tone too.

He sat down next to me. I was wedged in between him and fox. It felt nice.

James took my hand in his.

"Sheriden... I'm still in love with you, I don't care about what that fucking doctor told you. As long as we have each other we can get through anything... You shouldn't of made the choice that you did on your own" he said.

"I love you too, more than you will ever know, I know it doesn't seem like it James but I want the best for you, I want your life to be perfect and normal... I can't give you the life you want, the life we used to talk about" I replied.

"the life we talked about was the one we expected to have, if things change then so do we... Sheri what's normal for some people doesn't have to be the same normal for us... That is allowed you know...I want to be with you again...do you want to be with me, I need to know Sheri"

"I ... do want to be with you. I'm so sorry. If I had a brain I would be dangerous wouldn't I? I wiped my tears away.

"Sheriden please baby, can we be together. I'm useless with out you" James begged.

I nodded "I would like that... I love you James"

He pulled me in for a hug, "no one can love me like you do Sheri... Your my world, you always will be" he whispered in my ear.

His incredible scent filled my heart with a thousand amazing memories.

"James I'm so scared... Of everything, of staying, of leaving of...myself...I don't know what's best to do?"

James got down from his seat next to me and knelt on the floor.

"will you marry me Sheriden?" He said pulling a ring box from his pocket.

It was a beautiful ring, it had a mountain of diamonds piled on top.

my hands shook as they made there way to cover my mouth with shock, my tears began rolling again.

I nodded "yes...yes I will...oh my God" I cried.

James took my hand and placed the ring on my finger. He then took me in his arms. "I love you so much Sheri"

we spent a long time in each others arms, we didn't talk, we just took each other in.

"James this ring is beautiful" I said once I could control my tears.

James sat back on his seat next to me, he held my hand in his and looked at the ring. "I had it specially made before you left... It was ready to be picked up a week after you had gone" he said "that was a bad day" he gave a weak smile.

"James I'm so sorry" I whispered.

He looked me in the eye "it doesn't matter now... Your back where you belong... Please just promise me you won't go again" he asked.

"I promise james" I said giving him a hug.

"Sheriden where did you go... We have so much to talk through, I want to hear everything you have been doing" James said.

"how about I make us something to eat, and we can talk everything out" I offered.

"yeah okay, there's not really much in though" James confessed.

I smiled and James helped me to my feet and we walked out to the kitchen... not really much in was an understatement.

"pasta it is then" I laughed.

I made some pasta dish chucked in with whatever James had left in his fridge.  
We sat down to eat at the breakfast table, James had given it a good clean whilst I made dinner.

"I've missed this so much" James said smiling at me.

"what my crappy cooking?" I joked.

he laughed. "that, and just you being here...part of the furniture. Looking at your beautiful face... Are you going to fill me in with all the adventures you have had then?"

"i wouldnt really call them adventures. I went to Spain to start off with, I stayed in Barcelona for 2 weeks and just cried all the time. I came back to the states and went to Texas. I rented a little house there and tried to figure out what the hell I was meant to do with my life... It boiled back down to modelling, so I decided to run another form of entry in to it. I met up with this producer Stephen Malone. He talked through what the pros and cons of what a TV show would bring for me, but I needed something to do, so I thought why not. Stephen introduced me to his soon Toby, and that's how I started to come back out in to the spot light... Anyway Carlos phoned me three days ago and begged me to see you...so here I am". I said.

"so your going to do a TV series? That's cool. Like Americas next top model?" James asked.

Kind of, MTV will air it next summer, it's kind of a mixture of a beauty pageant and modelling, it won't just be cat walk, it will end in 5 different categories across all types of models. I'm hoping to get a girl from each state...but it's proving difficult"

"that sounds really good Sheri... You will be good on TV... This Toby guy, did anything go on with you two. The pictures I saw ...well he is a good looking guy huh" James said.

"Toby is... Fantastic, I'm not gonna lie. He is the nicest guy going James. He has a very kind heart. I kissed him once, but that was it. I ended up in tears actually... You know me, always a drama queen" I smiled.

"what about you and these 14 girls... Were you safe?" I asked.

"one hundred percent safe... Always have been, always will be. I'm so sorry. None of them made me feel any better Sheriden. I didn't even spend the night with any of them" he said rubbing his head like it hurt.

I reached over and gave his wrist a squeeze "it's okay James... They don't matter" I reassured him.  
It's true they didn't matter, but the thought of him doing things to other girls made me feel sick.

"what else did you get up to?" I asked.

"nothing really, the tour went well, paisley stormed all the shows... She was coming along nicely, but I've left her and the boys down so badly lately, but my head was so fucked you know. Carlos gave me some old contacts of yours in England, I went over for a few days after the tour... Do you know about your dad Sheriden?" He asked cautiously knowing the hatred I had for my father.

"what about him... Did you meet him?" I asked.

"Sheriden he died last summer... Cancer" James said.

"oh... Okay. Well that's awful obviously but I had said all I had to say to him in my lifetime before I moved to Florida" I replied.

"yeah I know you did Sheri".

"James... The reasons I left. Do you understand what I was told, did Kendall fill you in?" I asked.

"yeah he did, a lot of it doesn't need to be worried about until...if, even it happens. I love you so much... I know kids is a big issue, but if you can't have a baby without the risk being so high, then we don't have a baby... Sheriden I know it's hard, but that's the reality we have to face and talk about." James spoke with ease, he must of rehersed this speech in his head a thousand times.

"I know we need to talk about it, it's a massive glitch in both our lives, do we have to talk about it right now?" I asked.

"we can talk about it when it matters Sheriden, let's get us on track first yeah"

"Yeah sounds good" I agreed.

my cell phone rang, James got my purse from the living room and handed it to me. I got my phone out but had missed the call.

"it was 'Los" I said to James "I will just text him saying all okay, I will call him tomorrow" I said.

"no... I will call him... If that's okay?"

I nodded. James hadn't spoken to Carlos since Thanksgiving a month ago.

He used my cell.  
I listened in to his one way conversation, James seemed nervous though, he paced the floor, couldn't keep still at all. It was very unlike the James I once knew.

"hey Carlos... It's James"

"she is fine, we just ate dinner, had a chat... That kind off thing... Listen, I want to say sorry bro... It's been difficult, and I just wanted you to know that ... Well I'm sorry. I've let you all down..."

"yeah I get that Los...it's fine, I would of done the same..."

"yeah she is still here, I'm on her phone...okay sure"

James passed me the phone "he wants to check you are okay"

I took the phone "hey Carlos, did you get home okay, how is every one?"

"yeah All fine shoo, you sure every thing okay yeah,I know you can't really talk"

"Carlos... we are back together"

"ahhhh! oh my God shoo... I knew you would...that's amazing. You two need your heads banging together"

I laughed "I love him so much Los" I said looking at flashed his amazing smile at me.

"you guys are insane, Antonio is asking if your flying out here on boxing day?"

Again I looked at James. "...no I'm gonna be in LA for a bit longer I think. Tell Antonio that James and I will be down in the new year...Carlos I'm gonna go now..."

"okay shoo, well we will call you tomorrow to say merry Christmas...love you shoo"

"Have a fun evening Los, love you too...bye"

"bye"

James came and sat on the stool next to me "so what do we do now... Do we just carry on like nothing happened or...what?" He asked.

"I'm not sure... Just do what feels best I guess." I answered.

James kissed me "that feels the best" he said after.

I smiled, "do you want me to go back to Carlos house tonite or stay here?"  
I asked, not sure how quickly he wanted to forget everything I had put him through.

"I would like you to stay... if that's okay? I've missed you so much, one more night away from you is one night too many" he said.

I stood up from my stool and pulled at his hand to follow me, I walked us back in to the lounge and sat on the sofa,

"James... I love you with every ounce of my heart, I've put you through so much, there is so much wrong in my life... Are you sure you want to commit to this Coz I'm a mess ... Have you thought it all through... Your so young still" I explained.

"Sheriden my age has never been an issue between us, ever... I'm more mature than you are" he laughed." But yes I've thought it through and I know I want you... I need you. Even if you are a complete mess... You have said yes to marrying me now so I'm afraid that's a done deal" he smiled giving me a kiss and pulling me in to his arms as he relaxed on the sofa.

I snuggled in to him. His smell was amazing, so homely, so beautiful.

"this morning I was so scared about what would happen... I imagined a huge arguement and leaving on bad terms... I never imagined I would end up cuddled up to my new fiancé" I gave James a squeeze.

"I'm not an argumentative person Sheri... That was Kendall... You should hear him and paisley go at it. I couldn't stand it if we were like that.. So ... Getting married, how do you wanna do it?"

"I have no idea... How soon do you think?"

"Sheriden I would say now if I could ... Just whenever you want, you can plan our big day to perfection and do it whenever" he said.

"love you maslow" I said giving him a kiss.

We spent the evening chatting and sorting things through, James admitted he hadn't slept in his bed since I left. I wondered how badly I had hurt him. We both spent the night in our bed tonight though, we didn't have sex, James spent a long while just looking at me. But I guess I must of been looking at him too to notice.

The next morning I woke up entangled in his arms to the sound of the door knocking.  
James woke up and smiled at me, kissed me on the forehead then got up to open the door, he had chucked some sweat pants on, but remained shirtless.

I could hear Logan hendersons voice. I hadn't seen Logan for so long, all I had on was one of james' tee shirts.  
It covered my ass enough that I just plodded out to say hi.

"logie... Oh my God, your a sight for sore eyes" Logan gave me a huge hug, and then cupped my face in his hands.

"princess... am I glad to see you" he replied giving me a kiss on the lips.

I laughed at his excitedness

I noticed then that Logan wasn't alone, stood near the kitchen was a familiar looking red head.

"Mackenzie... Why are you here?" I asked knowing she was flying back home and wondering why she was with Logan.

"how do you two know eachother? That's Logans girlfriend Sheriden" James said.

"no she is Carlos' girlfriend, why are you with Logan?" I asked Mackenzie.

"no she isn't my girlfriend, she is seeing Carlos" Logan said "we are just friends, Mackenzie had an asthma attack at the airport, they wouldn't let her on a flight after so she rang me for help" he added.

"oh no, are you okay?" I asked Mackenzie.

"yeah I'm fine now thanks" she replied.

"Carlos phoned me last night he never said you were still in LA" I said to Mackenzie.

Mackenzie looked over to Logan "no I haven't been able to get hold of him" she replied.

"what the fuck is that?" Logan said grabbing my hand with my huge engagement ring on it.

I walked over to James and gave him a hug.  
"we are kind of...getting married" James informed everyone.

"oh my God... Really? Fuck... Since when?"

"since last night" I said to Logan

As we spent the morning all catching up I couldn't help but think Logan had maybe had his wicked way with Mackenzie. She seemed very attached to him.


	49. Chapter 49

**Mackenzies story**

Good job for me that carlos has a kind heart. i text him last night as i lay on paisleys sofa after her party. He said that he would pick me up at 5am and i could sleep in his spare room.  
He said he didnt have to leave for his for his Flight untill gone eleven in the morning.

He picked me up in his car. Once he pulled in to his own drive we kissed and had our hands all over each other.

I ended up in his bed cuddled up. I was still dressed but i fell back to sleep in his arms.  
I woke up and took took in my surroundings and the sleeping carlos next to me i smiled.  
I gave carlos a kiss on the cheek. He opened his eyes.

"hello red" he Said with a whisper.

"good morning" i smiled.

He leaned in for a kiss which i graciously took.

"can i call you tomorrow to wish you happy Christmas?" i asked.

"yes, i think i will like that" he replied with another kiss to end his sentance.

"I Cant believe I am here with you Still you Know" i said feeling his chest with my hand.

"why your amazing" he replied and pulled my body closer to him.

I laughed "would hardly call a hair dresser from idaho amazing" i laughed.

Carlos pulled himself on top of me and hitched my legs up around him, the weight of him on me felt amazing.  
I felt so ready to have sex.

Carlos felt my body all over as he kissed me on my lips and on my neck. His hands found their way in under my top. He stroked his fingers along the side of my body. It felt electric.

He stopped kissing me and rested his forehead on mine.

"I got to stop" he replied. "Im getting carried away".

I Could feel that he was getting Carried away by the way his erection Was digging In to me.

"no i think i want to get carried away carlos" i said giving him a little kiss.

Carlos rolled off me and sighed  
"kenzie my alarm has got just over 20 minutes until it goes off and i have to get my arse in gear to get to the airport. I dont want to rush you on your first time... That would be shit" he said.

"yeah i guess... Kind of sucks though, i was getting in to that" i sighed my self.

"well on january 2nd i will be here waiting for you" he smiled.

"i will have work carlos. What about a date the following weekend? Im free then" i said giving him another kiss.

"i think you should skip work" he said with a grin.

"i cant just skip, i need the money, and i enjoy it too." i said.

"you should do the modelling show mackenzie, you could stay in LA then." he said with a grin.

"its not me carlos" i admitted.

He smiled and gave me another kiss.  
"I really like it that you haven't had sex before... Is that weird?" Carlos said.

"no I can see why you like the idea... I wish you hadn't of done it before too" I said.

"Kenzie I really like you...you do know that don't you" he asked.

"yeah I do, I really really like you too Carlos. Your very different to how I ever imagined... From my little fantasies about you." I said blushing

Carlos smiled and wrapped an arm around me.  
We stayed like that until his alarm went off.

Sheriden was downstairs eating breakfast she smiled at me but she looked nervous, so I didn't bother to start up a conversation.

Carlos took me to the airport with him, I waved him off then spent the next few hours with my head in a book waiting for my own flight at five.

As I got through to the departure lounge I saw on the screens that my flight had a two hour delay due to bad weather... Great!

I phoned my mom and asked how bad the weather was there, she informed me that it was very wet and very windy. we had lost one of the fence panels in our back yard.

The two hour delay turned in to six, I then began to panic. It was Christmas eve, all I wanted to do was go home to see my family.

Carlos had gone, paisley had gone, and I was stuck in god damn LA.

I knew it was going to happen but it didn't make reading it any better.

The flight information screens all switched to canceled.

Fear set in that I would be spending Christmas in the departure lounge.

I sat down trying to calm my breathing, I had had a few funny turns in the last few days, mainly due to the interest I seemed to stir amongst the btr boys.

I got my inhaler out and took a few puffs but it didn't relieve me one bit,my panic just got worse as my breathing did.

A lady sat opposite called one of the airport staff over to assist took me in to the first aid room by the time I got in the room it felt like my lungs had completely closed. They called a paramedic in for me.

The attack was the worst I had had in about a year.

half hour after the paramedic came in with me I felt some I was advised that I couldn't fly until I had seen a doctor. They had flagged my passport on medical conditions as a flight risk. I was stuck.

I phoned my mom but the emotion made my breathing staggered from the crying so one of the airport staff spoke to her for me.

They assured her that they would sort some place out for me to stay.

"sweety is there any one here you can stay with"the airport lady asked me.

I shook my head and hated Kendall even more for taking paisley away on holiday.

"actually" I wheezed out then took in a refreshing deep breath. "I have a friend... Logan, could you call him for me? I asked.

"sure thing sweety" she said.  
I got my phone ready to dial, I felt like an idiot having to have Logan come and rescue me. he was going to laugh his head off at me.

The lady began speaking on the phone, she explained what had happened to me and asked if he could help me out.

She hung up and said Logan would be here within half hour. it was almost eleven I had been in this airport for almost 12 hours now.

45 minutes had passed when Logan showed up.

"hey Kenzie,you okay?" He asked as he swept in and gave me a hug, I began to cry, it was more tiredness but it was so nice to see a friendly face.

"I'm fine, I'm so sorry about all this" I blubbed.

He gave me a squeeze "it's fine, come on let's get you tucked up in bed okay".

I nodded.

The drive home was quiet. I called my mom but Logan didn't speak to me after he just let me collect my thoughts, as we pulled up to his house my mouth fell open. It was beautiful. an absolutely huge house with a ton of land attached to it.

No wonder he was so cocky all the time.

as we walked in the massive house I noticed a load of art work on the walls, I couldn't imagine Logan taking the time to appreciate art. The front door opened up to a large entrance hall that had six doors leading off of it. The stairs where situated at the end of the large hallway. we entered one door in to his lounge, the furniture was very modern and stylish. A gorgeous Christmas tree was up. The room was so tasteful, every part of it flowed, it was immaculate.

"actually Mackenzie would you like something to eat?"Logan asked with a smile.

"yeah that would be great thanks, just something simple" i replied.

I followed Logan in to his kitchen, again it was huge, with all the fancy gadgets you could possibly want and a load of fancy lighting.

"Logan your house is amazing" I said as I looked around.

"thanks kenz" he smiled, "your one of the very few girls that has been in here...this is my me place, not a whore house" he added.

"really? Well that's good I guess" I smiled, glad now knowing a scantily clad girl wasn't about to make her way down the stairs.

"so...are you okay? Do I need to do anything, you look pretty wacked out" he said.

"yeah just a bit shaken up really, it's my own fault,I haven't been managing it very well these last few days" I smiled.

"well at least I'm not spending Christmas on my own now" he smiled and gave me a hug after he put a sandwich on the dining table.

I think I hugged Logan a bit too tight, he gave a little chuckle as I let go.

"you eat that up,I will go and run you a bath" he said with a smile.

"Logan you don't have to do that, it's really not necessary" I said.

"no it's fine, a bath will help you unwind" he said then walked off.

I sat at the table and ate the sandwich up. I couldn't believe how beautiful his home was. I thought James' house was posh... But this, definitely not what I had imagined.

Logan entered the kitchen, he brought a big white fluffy towel with him and a dressing gown. "there you go" he said, "you any good at basketball?"

"Thanks, and no not really" I laughed "why?"

"well once your all cleaned up you can spend your xmas eve watching me play it on ps3" he replied.

I smiled. "deal" I said as I took the towel and gown in my arms.

"up the stairs second on the left" he replied as he looked at the towel .

I kissed Logan on the cheek and walked out in to the direction he had just come from.

I found the bathroom it was more beautiful than I could ever imagine. The bath was huge and round.  
I looked in the mirror. My mascara had run every where no wonder Logan ran me a bath, I looked liked shit.  
I chuckled at how polite he had been when he could of just taken the piss.

Logan had put some gorgeous smelling lotions and potions in the water.  
I washed my self down then changed in to my nightwear from my bag and the fluffy white dressing gown Logan had given me.

I walked down to the lounge and sat next to Logan and watched him play his basketball game.

I glanced at Logan "you could of said I looked like a bag of shit"

Logan cracked a smile "I'm sorry, I just wanted to make sure you were okay before I started my bullying" he laughed.

I rolled my eyes,

"hey merry Christmas" he said, looking at the clock on the wall. It had gone midnight now.

"merry Christmas Logan...thanks for letting me stay" I yawned.

"that's not a problem...did you wanna get off to bed kenz...you must be shattered"

"no I'm good here if your still gonna play...I find it hard to sleep after an attack. I usually bunk in with my sister" I said.

Logan smiled "I can bunk in with you if you like"

I hit his arm "no thanks perv. I'll just hang out here and watch you play" I smiled.

"okay that's cool" he nodded.

I pulled the big fluffy gown round me, I did feel tired.  
Logan turned his game off after an hour or so.

"time for my bed kenz... You gonna be okay on your own?" Logan asked.

"yeah I will be fine, I'm so tired I will probably just nod off.

Logan threw an arm round me, "ooh that gown is soft" he laughed. "I pinched it from a hotel on tour" he admitted

"there was me thinking you were being kind, but really making me handle stolen goods" I chuckled.

"I'm kind kenz... I have a soft spot for you" he said squeezing my shoulders with his arm.

"yeah you are kind, thanks again for taking me in tonight" I said leaning my head on his chest. I was so tired.

"Logan why did you kiss me last night?"

"proving a point that's all. Sorry I know you and Los are a thing... Was nice though" he said.

Yeah it was nice but I wasn't going to admit it.

I must of fallen asleep down there on the I woke up he next morning and found myself in a pretty cream room.

Definitely the spare room, it smelt unlived in but I wished my room at home was as pretty as this spare room.

I stayed in bed not knowing what to do really. I couldn't just get up and wonder around.

After an hour of drifting in and out of sleep a knock came on the door.  
"am I okay to come in kenz?" Logans voice came through the door.

"yeah your fine" I called.

"merry Christmas" he said as he walked in "I made you some breakfast"

I smiled at the tray of pancakes he had put on the end of the bed.

"so I have to go and see James, did you want to be brave and come with me or stay here?" He asked.

"is it okay to go with you?" I asked him furrowing my eyebrows.

"yes definitely it is okay to come with me, not sure I want to go on my own. Don't mention Sheriden at all though yeah" he clarified.

We ate and I got dressed and we made our way to James' house.

"oh my God... That is sheridens car" Logan squealed with delight as we pulled in to James drive.

"is that good?" I asked.

Logan looked at me "I have no idea" he replied.

We got out of the car and Logan knocked on the door... There was no answer.

"well he has either killed her or they are fucking" came Logans logical response.

He carried on knocking until James finally answered.

"Logan...hey" said James in a gruff voice.

"hey ... You okay man?" Logan asked.

"couldn't be better, come on in...hey Mackenzie!" James added.

I looked at Logan, he mouthed 'fucking' to me, I smiled.

once inside the boys chatted for a few seconds until Sheriden came out dressed in a tee shirt.  
She hugged Logan.

Her and James had a quick debate of which btr boy I belonged to until Logan clarified I was with Carlos,  
Then they told us of there plans to get married... It all seemed a bit of rush to me to get married after just getting back together .

I wasn't sure if Sheriden liked me or not, and I wasn't too sure if I liked her all that much my self.

We sat down James got a blanket for him and Sheriden to cuddle under, I doubt either of them would be getting dressed today.

"so when are you getting married?" Logan asked, This wasn't the most exciting way I could be spending my Christmas.

"we're not sure yet we haven't really had a chance to plan anything" Sheriden replied.

"princess is your back still as bad as they said, Kendall said you can't have kids" Logan said with very little tact.

"she can have kids Logan, but it could cause her some long term damage" James said taking Sheriden in his arms like he was protecting her.  
They were so... Gooey and in love, it made me want to spew.

I had decided I didn't like either of them.

"can't you adopt or use a surrogate though?" I asked as it annoyed me James had made the impression that Logan was a bad guy for bringing up babies.

Sheriden eyed me like I was a mouthy child, she rested her head on James shoulder which gave him the cue to answer.

"well again that's not something we have been able to discuss in full yet"

Sheriden whispered something in James' ear and he stopped talking

"Mackenzie, have you thought any more about the show?" Sheriden asked me changing the subject.

"yeah it's not me, sorry" I replied.

"ooh Carlos will be disappointed, he likes dating starlets" she chuckled.

I smiled, I couldn't really care less if Carlos had only dated famous girls. Sheriden was really starting to piss me off.

"well he knows what I am, being normal isn't the worst thing to be in the world" I replied.

"no it's not, Sheriden wasn't implying that" James said giving his girlfriend a kiss on the head.

"I didn't say she was implying anything...I'm just saying Carlos is a big boy, I'm sure he can decide for himself what kind of girl he likes" I said not even trying to sound friendly had both pissed me off.

"I'm sure he can" James agreed.

"so what are you guys doing today, I was gonna spend my day playing ps3 with you James but I expect you guys have got better things to catch up on" Logan said changing the subject, it must of been apparent that I was getting wound up.

"I think we will take the dogs out and nip to Carlos' to raid his fridge then just chill out" Sheriden said smiling at James.

"oh Sheriden I have missed your odd little accent"Logan said with a chuckle .

James also smiled at Logans joke.

"what do you mean odd accent?" She replied with a high pitch tone and a smile.

Logan smiled, pleased he had annoyed her.

"well it's... Not English, not American...it's in between, and I've missed it." He said.

"I've missed it too" James said looking at her with his puppy dog eyes.

Sheriden laughed "I've never heard you two say about my accent...meanies" she chuckled.

"where in England are you from Sheriden?" I asked, trying to join in the conversation.

"London, have you ever been?" She replied.

"no, I would love to travel though, I've not ventured out of the US yet" I replied.

"well maybe you need to reconsider my offer... You could see the world if you won the contract" Sheriden said.

"honestly I have no desire to want to be a model, I'm happier being a hair dresser, models are a bit... Full on..." fuck I forgot who I was talking to.

"full on?" Was all Sheriden replied.

"sorry I didn't mean that, I'm not used to talking to people like you" I said but I just felt I had made the situation worse.

"I think she means that you work very hard Sheriden and she isn't used to hanging out with famous people" Logan said giving my leg a pat.

I smiled at him.

I felt ridiculous, I was annoyed at my self for having to spend my xmas here, and pissed off that no one seemed normal.

"sorry I've got to go" I declared, as I stood up.

James and Sheriden looked at each other.

Logan stood up "I'll see you guys soon, have a nice Christmas"he said before following me out of the door.

I just went,I didn't say Good bye or anything.

Logan caught me up.  
"kenz where are you going, the cars here" he called as I made my way out of James' drive.

Tears began trickling down my face.  
"I just want to be alone Logan"

He caught up with me and spun me back round by pulling on my wrist.  
"come here" he said pulling me in to his arms.

I then began crying hysterically "I just want to go home and see my mom" I wailed.

"I know you do kenz... I know you do, come on let's get back to mine ay"

I sniffed in my tears and nodded.

We drove back to Logans in silence, he did keep looking over to me.

Once in his house I just sat on his sofa.

"kenz they are always like that, don't take it personal. Sheriden is really nice underneath all that exterior"

"I'm not cut out for all this Logan, I'm to boring and ordinary" I said, the tears starting up again.

"well you can talk to me just fine, Sheriden doesn't trust easy that's all, and James isn't right in the head just yet" he said giving my back a rub.

"you don't count, apart from this house your pretty much still normal" I blubbed "I just want to go home Logan, this is the worst Christmas ever".

"hey come on, calm down or you will end up all wheezy again...where's your puffer thingy" he asked.

"I don't need it... My breathing is fine"

"is that your phone I can hear kenz?" Logan said.

I listened and could hear the faint buzzing sound from my phone vibrating.

I reached in to my bag and pulled it out. "crap it's Carlos" I said. "I bet Sheriden has told him what an idiot I just was"

Logan smiled "your not an idiot, she used to hate me to, I loved winding her up all the time, until one day she tried beating me up" he laughed.

The phone stopped vibrating then Logans began ringing.

"I'm going to have to get that, he will worry about you" Logan said as he pressed his answer button.

"merry Christmas Los..."

"yeah she is fine, she has tried a bunch of times to call you" Logan lied. I hadn't tried once.

"no She just misses her mom...she is having a lay down now, she didn't sleep to great last night, she is just a bit emotional from what happened at the airport..."

"yeah I know..."

"I'm not sure, I will sort something out tomorrow for her..."

"yeah, she can use mine if hers isn't working"

"okay buddy, have a great day, say hi to everyone for me"

"yeah bye Los" Logan ended his call.

"you didn't have to lie for me Logan" I said.

"well it just makes life a bit easier, I've said I would try and get you a train back tomorrow... If that's okay" he said

"yeah, that would be great... Thank you" I sighed.

"why don't you want to talk to Carlos" Logan asked.

"I'm not sure really, I'm not sure if he is my type" I replied honestly.

"ooh I see... You have realised that Carlos pena isn't quite your dream man" Logan said with a smile.

"I find him very attractive but there isn't a click... Not yet any how, he isn't how I thought he would be, he is a bit...dull"

"I think I get along better with you than him..." I joked.

"so you should of stuck with me in the first place to pop your cherry kenz" Logan said with a smile.

I looked at Logan "I think your actually right" I looked Logan dead in the eye, his hand was still placed on my back.

"shit don't look at me like that Kenzie" he said.

"like what" I laughed.

"like you wanna fuck me" he said bluntly.

"maybe I do wanna fuck you" I replied, I sounded sarcastic but I did actually really like Logan now, especially after his little scene he did in paisleys corridor.

"it would be so easy for me to say yes, but then how would you explain to Carlos" he said

"well he wouldn't have to know would he, it would be like training for the big event" I replied.

"shit your actually serious aren't you?" Logan replied.

I moved in closer to kiss him...  
"fuck kenz, your gonna get me in so much trouble"

But he leaned in.  
The kiss was just like the last, powerful and slow. My heart pounded in my chest. My hands found there way to Logans belt on his jeans and he pulled away.

he smiled "fuck this is mental... If this is gonna happen I wanna do it properly for you" he replied and stood up pulling me up by my hand.

He lifted me up, my legs wrapped around his waist, I carried on kissing him as he made his way up the stairs to his bedroom.

I didn't even feel nervous, I wanted this.

Logans bedroom was... Amazing, it was huge, the bed in the centre of the room.

He laid me down on his bed and climbed on top of me. His hands touching as much as they could.

"you sure" he breathed in to my ear.

"yeah... This is perfect for me" I whispered back.

"just a one off yeah?" He whispered.

"yeah, just a one off..."

Logan took charge of the situation then, which I was glad about. He removed my top and kissed me all over, he would take the occasional break to tell me how beautiful I was.

He took his own shirt off, he was very pleasing to the eye.

He pulled at my trousers and once I was free of those, he enticed me with a little lick from his tongue.

He stopped before I got too carried away, I made a grumble noise to say hey I was enjoying that.

He came back up to head height with me and smiled.

"just you wait, and see..." Was his reply to my grumble.

He then kissed my breasts, and played with my clit with his finger.

I felt so close to coming, I had never been so turned on.

Again Logan stopped.  
He kept his hand on my privates but he kept still. "kenz, if you want we can finish it like this now, your sure you wanna do it... There's no undoing it" he said giving me a small kiss after.

I looked in to Logans brown eyes, I think he probably wished me to say I wanted it finished just by his fingers, but I wanted more.  
"I want you to make love to me Logan" I said returning his kiss.

He smiled at me.  
"make love huh... I'm sure I can handle that" he replied.

He stood up and removed his jeans, then lay back down on the bed on top of me.

His hands caressed my skin, his lips kissed along the nape of my neck.

"I will be gentle okay, say stop if it hurts" he whispered.

I nodded.

Logan placed him self in me slowly, it did hurt, i winced as I felt a burning like pain. But that soon went and I could relax and enjoy what my body had craved for Logan to do. He stroked my hair back on my head "okay?" He checked.

"yeah" I replied and kissed him.

Logans rhythm was soft and slow, he was so gentle, I could feel my body feeling new amazing emotions.

Logan had turned me on so much before that every time I felt him move inside me I thought i was going to explode with pleasure.

the more I relaxed the more I enjoyed it. I could feel my body loosen up.

The little kisses that Logan was scattering all over me felt delicious. I ran my hands along his back, he felt so strong.

I could feel him edging deeper inside me, it no longer hurt, I pulled his bum in nearer to me to say it felt fine to do what he was doing.

He did, it felt amazing, he felt amazing.

Logan took my hands one at a time and held them down above my head.  
This turned me on so much.  
I couldn't move with the Weight of him on me.

"oh my God... I'm gonna come" I whispered. Logan kissed down the side of my neck as my mouth let out moans of pleasure. I noticed Logans head soon collapsed in to my shoulder soon after and he too made his own noises of euphoria.

He kissed me and pulled him self out, "come here" he said pulling me up, as I stood up I couldn't help notice there was quite a lot of blood on the sheets where I had been laying.

He took me in to the bathroom that was just off his room, the shower was Huge. And as he turned the water on I realised that the water just fell from the ceiling not a shower head.

We got in the shower, and Logan carried on kissing me, the water felt delicious, but it stung my newly lost virginity down below.

I couldn't see any blood running down, Logan must of seen me check.  
"does it hurt" he said.

"a little bit, but not anymore... That was amazing" I replied.

"yeah that was pretty amazing Kenzie" he said as he carried on kissing me under the running water, his hands gliding there way over my body.

Logan grabbed the body wash and lathered it in to my body, he was still very much turned on from what I could see.

After he had finished soaping me he quickly did him self then grabbed a towel and stepped out the shower, he handed me some shampoo.  
I took it and started to wash my hair as Logan left the ensuite and went back out to his room.

My God, I lost my virginity to Logan on Christmas day, that was pretty mental. It was amazing though.  
I don't think I could of hoped for a better first time.

I rinsed my hair and took the other white oversized towel that hung next to the shower and wrapped myself in it.

As I walked out to the bedroom, Logan had just finished changing his sheets. I felt my face redden.

"sorry I didn't know that was going to happen" I blushed.

Logan finished making his bed then walked over to me "don't worry about that... Come here" he said as he pulled me in to his body. He was now just wearing shorts.

He kissed me again "what would you like to do now, get in to bed, or... Go back down stairs.

"what happens when we go down stairs, forget it ever happened?" I asked remembering what he had said at paisleys.

"Kenzie I won't ever forget about this, but your sort of with Carlos so probably best to forget it when your with him... But I won't forget this happened"

"I would like to get in that bed properly then...it's an insane bed" I smiled.

"it is pretty awesome... Kenz... Your pretty awesome too" Logan said.

I smiled at him then slipped out of the towel, handed it to him and got in to his bed.

"you are trouble you know that" Logan said with a grin and chucked the towel on the floor and got in the huge bed with me.

I'm not sure how long we stayed in that bed for, touching and kissing eachother. But I know I fell fast asleep in Logans arms.


	50. Chapter 50

**SHERIDENS** STORY  
james and i sat with logan and mackenzie on the L shaped sofa"Can't you adopt or use a surrogate though?" Came Mackenzies next question.

Neither of them could have any clue as to how James and I felt about this.  
I gave James' hand a little squeeze under the blanket.

He squeezed back.I had only talked about children very briefly last night with him. I had confided in him some of my feelings on the matter but not any options if we had any.

"well again it's not something we have been able to discuss in full yet" came James reply.

I felt bad for James, who the hell was Mackenzie to be asking such private questions.

I felt James squeeze my hand again. He didn't like giving answers to things we hadn't yet discovered ourselves.

"I love you baby" I whispered in James' ear.

Then I took control of the situation and brought the conversation back in to what I thought was a safe zone. Surely they must appreciate that James and I had only been back together for a less than a day.

"have you thought any more about the show?" I asked her. I knew she wasnt keen but Carlos had said he would talk her in to it. Mackenzie really had a star look about her.

"yeah it's not me sorry" Mackenzie replied.

"ooh Carlos will be disappointed he likes dating starlets" I joked. It was true though, Carlos liked attention. That's why he had been so madly in love with his ex Tammi, they both craved it.

Mackenzie then looked at me like a was a piece of dog shit she had trod on but threw a smile in to try and hide her annoyance..

"Well he knows what I am, being normal isn't the worst thing to be in the world" she spat back at me.

I couldn't understand why she was acting like this. I was trying to be really nice. I squeezed James hand for some assistance.

"No it's not. Sheriden wasnt implying that" James offered, he gave me a kiss on the head. Least he could tell I was trying.

But what should of been a friendly conversation soon turned in to Mackenzie making snide comments about me being a model,

I looked at Logan, I don't think he really knew how this had happened either.

But Mackenzie just ended up stropping out of the bungalow. James and I just looked at each other while Logan said a quick Good bye and ran after her.

"well Mackenzie lives up to usual Carlos standard of being a bitch" James said chuckling.

"yeah just a bit... That was weird right?" I asked.

"right!" James replied.

"come on let's go back to bed Mr maslow" I said as I unwrapped my self from my beautiful James.

We went back in to the bedroom, I grabbed my cell from my bedside table and called Carlos.

"merry Christmas honey" I said to him down the phone.

"merry xmas shoo... How are you... Still good?"

"I'm still at the bungalow, put it that way...listen Mackenzie and Logan have just been round..."

"what? Mackenzie should be at home not in LA." Carlos said, in a panic at what Logan is doing fraternising with his girlfriend.

"no she got stuck at the air port, had an asthma attack, they wouldn't let her board... She is fine though, but Carlos she just came in and...well she was really rude. I think she may have thought I was being rude or something...honestly I wasn't"

okay Sheriden, maybe you were being rude... I will give her a call in a minute...listen the house is crazy right now, can I call you later?" Carlos said.

"yeah... Get Antonio to call me though, I wanna say hi to him... He is my favourite brother" I chuckled.

"Hmmm... It's okay for him living out here, he don't have to put up with your shit all the time huh shoo" he retorted.

I laughed...it was true "speak later Los. Love you"

"love you guys too Sheriden... Thanks for calling" Carlos said then hung up his phone.

I turned to look at James who was now stood completely naked on the other side of his bed.  
I smiled  
"James maslow... That is not appropriate attire for Christmas day" I joked.

"then it is just as well I'm not a Christian, Sheriden Lloyd" he said then climbed on the bed next to me in all his glory.

I chuckled at him. He is so funny with the silly stuff he does.

"Sheri... Sex... I know I've fucked things up 14 times...how does that effect us... I know this is gonna be weird" he said.

"I like your novel way of bringing the subject up James" I laughed. "sex is sex, you haven't fucked anything up... You were single, you had sex. Nothing is fucked up...but this is not gonna be weird because I can't have sex with you unless you got a stash of condoms, I stopped taking my pill when I left, it was all stuck here" I said honestly.

"I don't have any Sheriden" he said with a sad face.

I laughed at him..."well I guess we will just have to do that thing..." I chuckled as I climbed on him.

"mmm that thing... I used to like that thing..." James said smiling.

"that thing was a bit delicious" I said rubbing his chest"

"Sheriden I love you"

"I love you too baby" I whispered as I leaned down to kiss him.  
I still had his tee shirt and my underwear on but I don't think I have ever wanted to have sex more than I did right now.

instead I went for the next best option and we spent a Long time giving it to each other orally. I can safely say that James was very welcome to have me back in his life.

He could not leave me alone. His body still looked amazing, even though he hasn't been taking proper care of him self in recent weeks.

Where my own body had been near on a bag of bones last time James had seen it, now it was in prime condition due to the fact I had made sure my spine wasnt going to finish me off with out a fight.

As we lay side by side in the bed waiting for our bodies to come down from the heightened pleasure they had just received, James turned to me.

"Sheriden... What Mackenzie said about surrogacy, how does that work... is that something you want to think about?"

"surrogacy... It has so many legal issues, basically find a woman that will have a baby for us" I said holding James' hand.

"so it would only be related to me...?" He asked.

"it's basically like ivf but with a different carrier. If your sperm and my eggs were used then it would be very much related to us both... James I'm going to level with you...it scares me. I don't know if it's easier to just accept that I will have a life with no children or go through the pain of something like that... It's no guarantee babe" I said.

"yeah I guess... It's still an option though... Options are always good to think about Sheriden. I love you baby, whatever happens our life is going to be amazing together"

"I know it will be ... I'm excited... Do you know what else, I'm starving...I think we should go to Carlos'house Coz I am not eating pasta on Christmas day James " I said stretching my arms over him.

James looked at my arm then sat up and took it in his hand.  
He had noticed fresh needle marks.

"is this what you have to do now, a load of meds?" He said as he looked at my other arm.

"yeah, I'm trying various things at the moment... A normal person would look at that and jump to the wrong conclusion James... Thank you" I whispered as he gave my arm a little kiss better where I had been prodded with a needle.

"you haven't been that girl for a long time Sheriden... It will never be my first assumption" he said kissing me again.

"We could bring my laptop to Carlos' and spend the evening wedding planning if you like?" James added.

"Why can't we do that here?" I said .

"well we could take the dogs and just hang out there, besides it's all christmassy looking in there I expect huh" he said

I smiled at James, he always thought of me before himself.

"sounds about perfect maslow" I grinned.

I got out of bed, I was naked now from the goodies James had inflicted on me.

"Sheriden..."

"yeah?" I replied,

"your so fucking hot... You know that right" he said with a glint in his eye.

"course I do" I smiled then went off to have a shower.

We packed somethings in the truck and the dogs jumped in and set off to spend the night at Carlos' .

Lucky for us Carlos had some decent food in his house, we settled down in my room I was staying in and ate a load of junk and surfed the net of all useful wedding info.

"James I will officially be the most hated woman in the USA by marrying you, you know that dont you?"

"I think all the rushers hate you any way Sheriden... But... I need you, I love you and that's all that matters... So where in the world do you want to get married?" He asked.

"I'm not sure my head tells me Florida with everyone but my heart is saying do a typical Sheriden and let's run off to Vegas..." I said with a smile. " but Cali has become home now too..."

My phone rang, it was Carlos  
I answered it.

" carlito... I thought I said I want Antonio to call me" I greeted him.

"Sheriden can you do me a huge favour?" He asked.

"yeah course, are you okay Los, you sound a bit anxious?"

"I'm fine, I phoned Mackenzie earlier by I only spoke to Logan, he said she was resting, but now neither of them are picking up. I'm worrying that she is unwell again shoo... I know It's Christmas day but could you pop round and check...ask her to call. Logan makes me nervous Sheriden, you know what he is like" he admitted.

"hey Los it's okay, don't get upset. I will pop round with a bottle of your finest as a peace maker"

"thanks Sheriden...your the best you know" he said.

"no problem Carlos...oh we are at yours by the way... Eating you out of house and home"

Carlos laughed "that's cool ya know. Call me after you have been round to see her yeah... I like this one, be nice"

"she has something about her Los definitely. And I will ring you dont worry... Is Antonio there?"

"he is, but he is with ana, did you want me to go get him?"

"no get him to call me later Los, don't disturb him. I'll give you a ring in a while Los... Love you... Bye"

"Thanks shoo... bye" Carlos said then hung up

"well I have got to go to Logans, Carlos hasn't heard from Mackenzie all day... He wants me to check she hasn't been hijacked by Henderson" I said "is it okay if I nab your truck James"

"yeah sure that's fine, can you ask Logan if I can borrow his unchartered 2 game... I will give that a whirl I think" James said.

"sure thing baby... Get some rest while I'm gone...you will need it" I winked.

James smiled "Sheri... Come back won't you" he whispered.

I sat on the edge of my bed where we hung out and gave James a big hug.

"my phone is on loud, I will answer if you need me... I won't be long... Don't let fox eat that sofa, Coz Carlos will go mad" I said giving him a kiss then left my guest room and made my way to the truck after picking up a bottle of Carlos' finest champagne.

The drive down to Logans was lovely, all the roads were clear. I could see a few kids playing out with their new toys.

I pulled up to Logans house and rung on the bell.

Logan answered after my second ring. His hair was wet and he wore a towel.

"princess!... What are you doing here?" He asked.

"Well I brought this with me and Carlos wanted me to check on Mackenzie... She won't pick her phone up" I said wiggling the bottle of champagne at him.

"oh right... Come in" Logan said "Mackenzie is still in bed I think... I just had a shower... Did you want a glass?" He said as he took the champagne from me.

"no,I don't drink any alcohol anymore logue... I can go if you were in the middle of a shower..." I offered.

"well did you want me to wake her up?" Logan said as he poured himself out a glass in his outstanding kitchen.

"well it's just Los hasn't heard from her... I will go up and knock if it's easier..." I said making my way toward the stairs.

"no! ... no its fine, I will knock..." Logan said flustered.

I eyed him suspiciously.

"okay..please make sure she calls him"

Logan nodded.

"oh James said can he borrow unchartered... A game, or something?"

"yeah sure. I will just grab it" he said and walked out of the kitchen.

I had an uneasy feeling about all this...  
I walked out of the kitchen and made my way to Logans living room, I opened the door, the room looked beautiful, along with amazing Christmas tree decorations it was lit with dozens of candles.  
Female clothing had been scattered about.

Shit Logan what have you done.

I went back in to the kitchen and sat at the table .

Logan walked in just after a few moments with the ps3 game.

"there you go... I completed it in a few days . Is easy" he said.

" ... So what are you up to today, not having the typical huge dinner then?" I said looking round the kitchen that was spotless and unused.

"no, not really any point"was all Logan said.

"you not having friends over?" I asked trying to suss out who the clothing belonged to.

"No everyone is busy or out of town, just me... Well and Mackenzie"he said.

I nodded "the place looks great Logan" I said. I hadn't been round since Logan first moved in just under a year ago. I had helped him choose the decor.

"yeah it's... Beautiful" he said

"well I will let you get back to your shower before you catch a cold" I smiled.

"yeah sure, thanks for the champagne, and directly Mackenzie wakes up I will make sure she calls Carlos" he promised.

"okay thanks... This morning was a bit tense with Mackenzie, I would like to make an effort with trying to get along with her... Carlos is smitten. erm... If you are at a loose end later James and I are staying the night at Carlos' house if you wanted to drop by" I asked as he walked me to his front door.

"yeah... Sounds good, I will see what Mackenzie says" he replied.

"okay brilliant, hopefully see you both later then...merry Christmas Logan" I said giving him a parting gift of a kiss on the cheek.

"merry Christmas princess" he replied then I walked back to James' truck.

The way back to Carlos' house was just as pleasant as the way there. I walked back in to the house and heard James in the music room on the piano.

I walked in, he stopped playing and I sat on his lap.

"I got the game for you" I said

"thanks... Was Mackenzie okay with you after her scene from this morning?" He asked

"I didn't see her... James, I'm pretty sure that her and Logan had been at it" I confessed.

"what fucking?... Mackenzie was a virgin last I heard... why do you think that?" He asked wrapping his arms around me.

"well Logan was in a towel, just from the bath, he said he was alone and Mackenzie was asleep, but the lounge was kitted out all romantic... Candles and stuff... Ladies clothing strewn all over the place... What am I meant to say to Carlos? He really likes that little slut. Why is nothing ever simple with us lot ay"

"Well what did Logan say when you saw all the clothes?" James asked

"he doesn't know I went in there... I just had a feeling...he was acting weird, so I had a quick look when he went to get that game" I confessed.

"oh I see, well you don't know anything for definite so there is nothing to tell Carlos... To be honest that doesn't sound like Logan... I mean candles and romance... Maybe she tried it on and Logan told her where to go and she it's now hiding in the spare room..." James offered.

"maybe... Logan is a total idiot if he does... I invited them round here later...wonder if they will show up?" I said.

James kissed my cheek. Then Gave me a pat on the side of my leg to say move. I stood up.

"come on fiancee... I got something for you..." James said with a glint in his eyes.

"what is it...?" I said amused.

James took me by the hand and led me in to Carlos bedroom.

"James you shouldn't be in here"

"I found something that might interest you" he said opening up a drawer.

I shook my head in disgust. He shouldn't be invading Carlos' privacy like this... I did however look in the drawer intrigued as to what had interested James so much.

I laughed when I saw what it was, and probably the sole reason James had gone snooping in Carlos' bedroom. A large stash of condoms.

I looked at James' face. He had the biggest smile I had ever seen.

"well... That is a lot of condoms James.. Carlos won't miss one or two huh" I laughed.

James grabbed a lot more than one or two then he happily grabbed my hand and pulled me in to my room...


	51. Chapter 51

**mackenzies story**  
I woke up in Logans big bed. it was still daylight, but Logan was no longer in the bed.

I couldn't see my clothes, he must of tidied them away.

I got out of bed and tiptoed to the cream room that had all my clothes in.  
In between my legs really hurt now. It stung with every move.

I got dressed and went down stairs to find Logan.

The kitchen door was open but I couldn't see him. I opened the living room door.  
I smiled. The entire room was lit with candles. It looked really beautiful.

Logan wasnt in here, but he soon appeared from the corridor behind me with more candles in his hands.

"aw you ruined my surprise Mackenzie" he said smiling.

"Logan this is gorgeous... " I said.

Logan placed the candles down and lit them then pulled me over to his sofa.

"I wanted to make sure I delivered the goods on the romantic part... You said you wanted candles... "

"Logan... thanks" I said as he once again pulled me in to his arms and kissed me.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and placed my tongue in his mouth. all I could hear was my heart trying to beat it's way out of my chest.

I pulled Logans shirt off. And kissed along his chest. He was so sexy.

Logan took my clothes off and threw them on the floor.  
as we kissed he pulled me down on to the floor.  
I was very concious that the carpet was cream. I didn't want any blood on that, it must of cost a fortune.

The candles and the tree lights in the room made this such a romantic setting in the beautiful room.  
I wanted to have sex again... It felt so good, but I had a funny feeling this time it would hurt more.

As Logan kissed and caressed me, all i wanted to do was enjoy it but all I worried about was the carpet.

"you okay" Logan asked after he realised I wasn't as in to it as I should be.

"yeah I don't want to ruin your carpet" I laughed.

Logan smirked "good point" he agreed then got up and left the room, he came back in with a very fluffy brown fur rug.

He layed it down and lay on top "it's fake fur" he said with a wink.

I went over on all fours to where he lay. I pulled his pants down and freed his penis from his under wear.

Logan smiled at my bravery.

I straddled him. Teased him slightly by letting the end of his hardness just touch the outside of me as I hovered over his lap.

I kissed him, his hands caressed my breasts then they travelled down my sides and on to my hips. He wanted to be inside me.  
I gently lowered my self down but it hurt the second he touched the inside of me.  
I winced and lifted my body back up.

"it really stings now... I'm not sure I can do it" I said feeling stupid.

Logan smiled and took my hands in his, entwining his fingers with mine. He pulled me down for a kiss.

"I really want to do it Logan... You went to a lot of trouble" I whispered looking around at the beautiful candlelit room.

"kenz, if it hurts then don't worry about it..." He said.

"maybe if we swapped?" I asked.

Logan smiled then rolled me off him and climbed on top.

"you sure..." He said.

"yeah, go for it" I assured him.

Logan kissed my neck as he slowly attempted to get inside me, it stung so bad, I honestly couldn't ride it out.

"shit... No stop, stop... Sorry" I said.

Logan slowly took himself out of me.

"don't say sorry... Come here... Grab a candle" he said as he pulled me up and grabbed a candle him self, we left the living room and walked up the stairs to the bath room with the huge round bath that I had been in the night before.

Logan run the bath, I placed my candle that I held on the opposite end of the taps, Logan pulled the blinds shut, and the room darkened leaving just the small glows of light from the candles we had brought up with us.

"the water should help" Logan said.

I kissed him, he was really thoughtful. Most guys would of just forced it in and made me put up with the pain.  
I wondered what Carlos would have done.

Once the water was deep enough I got in. The bath was huge, I bet 4 people could easily fit in this.  
As I sat down, in between my legs stung as the water surrounded me, but it eased off. I was pleased.

Logan got in, I hadn't seen many naked bodies in my life, but his was amazing, every part was amazing, his handsome face, his abs on his chest, his muscly legs... Quite possibly the sexiest legs I had ever seen.

Logan sat and pulled me over to him, I sat on his lap.

"your so sexy you know that" I said to him.

Logan smiled at me "your so fucking hot Kenzie... Did you know that?"

I blushed but the dim light saved me from any embarrassment.

Logan arranged him self so that he was ready for when I was, I lowered my body down, the water had definitely helped.

Logan placed his hands on my hips, he was fully inside me now, I was pleased and smiled.

Logan had this sexy look on his face, I think he enjoyed watching me please him.  
I moved slowly on top of him. It felt more intense in the water. And Logan felt more intense inside me, now I was on top of him.

Logan called my name a few times whilst I bounced on his manhood. I loved it. I loved that he appreciated me.  
I wanted to make him happy.

"do you want it harder?" I asked him.

Logan grinned at me, he moved my body with his hands on my hips, I guess harder was good for him.

Logan turned me on so much, the tenderness that I felt down below now only added to my pleasure.

I screamed Logans name as I came.  
He let out a little laugh at my expense then collapsed his head on my chest. He looked shattered.

I stayed on top of him, he was still inside me.

I lifted his head and kissed him.  
"fuck... This sex thing is a lot of fun" I whispered out.

Logan swept some of my red hair from my face getting it wet from the bathwater.

"your a lot of fun" Logan whispered back.

I kissed him. He was so deliciously handsome.

I lifted myself off of him and sat next to him in the bath.

"so I'm hoping this isn't the worst Christmas ever still" Logan said.

I splashed water in Logans face "nope, maybe the best now" I laughed

"oh I see it's like that now is it" he said as he splashed me back.

I laughed then dunked his head under the water. He pulled me down with him and gave me an underwater kiss.

As we came up for air we heard someone at the door.

"fuck... Who is that?" I said.

Logan jumped out the bath and headed in the direction of his bedroom. He walked back in with a towel wrapped around his waist. "James' truck is out there, stay there kenz okay, I will get rid of him."

Logan left the bathroom and went downstairs.

I couldn't hear James, but I could hear Sheriden.. Fuck... Of all the people in the world to come knocking at the wrong time.

I sat very still in the bath. I didn't think any one would hear me but Sheriden scared the life out of me, especially seeing as her beloved brother was my supposed boyfriend.

Logan returned to the bathroom after a few minutes.

"it was Sheriden... You need to call Carlos... That was close Kenzie" he sighed.

"I'm sorry" I said as I got out of the bath.

"don't be sorry, come on, that's not changed anything, has it" he said.

"no but if Carlos finds out about this he will never forgive you" I said.

"so call him... He doesn't need to find out, I'm not going to tell anyone" Logan said.

"Okay, " I replied then walked to the towel hung up on the rail and wrapped my self in it.

I walked down stairs to find my bag, Logan followed me, the living room still glowed In all it's candlelit gorgeousness, I sat on the sofa and dialled Carlos' number, Logan sat next to me.

"Mackenzie... You okay baby?" Carlos answered his phone with.

"merry Christmas Carlos... Yeah I'm fine, well I've had a head ache all morning but just slept it off. How has your day been? Great I hope?" Was the bull shit that fell out of my mouth.

I noticed Logan looking at me In surprise, he looked shocked that I could lie so easily.  
I smiled at him as Carlos talked down the phone to me.

"really that sounds amazing, what did your brother get you, you said he was teasing you with clues.." I asked.

Logan kissed my neck.  
It was wrong on a whole different level but it felt so good.  
I had no idea how my voice stayed calm to Carlos on the phone.

"he hasn't let me have it yet Mackenzie... He said after we have eaten dinner. Andres told me it was a shark" he laughed

Logan knelt on the floor and lifted my towel up.

"a shark?" I almost screamed out as Logans tongue caressed my clitoris.

I saw a smile hit Logans face, he was enjoying this so much.

"yeah he is lying though, who would get a shark for Christmas?"

"uh huh" was all I could manage as a reply.

"so Sheriden said she pissed you off this morning?" Carlos said.

"um... No she was fine, it was... Me" I hit Logan on the head. He didn't stop though, just smiled and caried on licking me.

"so this asthma thing kenz, you have it bad then?" Carlos asked.

"yeah I have been known to suffer a bit... Don't worry though Carlos" I said, now laying back on the sofa talking to Carlos while Logan pleasured me with his tongue.  
It felt so good.

"poor you, my brother had it when he was younger, not any more though... So is Logan treating you well?" He asked.

I actually laughed out loud "yeah Logan has been really nice" I said.  
Logan then got the giggles and had to stop what he was doing to me.

He layed out flat on the floor trying to compose himself.

"well thats good, I got worried when I couldn't get hold of you" Carlos admitted.

"Carlos I'm fine just felt rough with a headache most the day. I'm looking forward to seeing you in two weeks... That still good?" I asked.

"yeah that's brilliant kenz" he replied.

"okay well my battery is going to die so I best go Los" I lied

"okay baby, call me later yeah... Take care kenz"

"yeah you too" I replied .

We said our good byes then I hung up.

"did he say he loves you at the end there that you replied, you too, to?" Logan asked as he layed on the floor looking all smug with his arms folded behind his head.

I smiled "no he said take care, and I replied, you too."

"well that's okay then" he replied sitting up and carrying on his oral pleasure for me.

"logues... Your a fucking nightmare doing that while I'm on the phone" I moaned with a smile on my face.

"looked to me like you was enjoying it" he said as he came up for air.

He sat up.

"Mackenzie. If your going to moan all the time I'm gonna have to stick my cock in your mouth to shut you up" he said with a cheeky grin.

"really... Your a fucking nightmare for doing that Logan Henderson" I said with a giggle.

"right that's it" Logan said as he got up, picked me up, and carried me off to his bedroom like a cave man.

I laughed and screamed all at the same time.

Logan was one of those people you read about in naughty books, he was always ready to go, he didn't even need a break. He was permanently turned on, and ready to deliver the goods.

He finished what he had started on me down stairs then I had my first lesson on blow jobs. Which Logan said I was already the master at when he had climaxed. I rather enjoyed it my self, I got such a kick out of pleasing him. We cuddled in his bed.

"I agreed to go round Carlos' house later this evening, James and Sheriden are staying there tonight, she invited us over" he said.

I looked at Logan with a what the fuck face.  
"oh I don't want to go out, especially round there" I moaned.

"are you moaning again kenz, you know what happens when you moan" he laughed as he got up and wiggled his Dick in my face.

I giggled at him as I tried to push him out of my way.

the next thing I heard was an alarm going off.

"what's that?" I said

Logan looked at me "fuck! candles!" Was all he said as he rushed down stairs. I followed him to the top of the stairs I could see smoke piling out from the open door,

"no, no, no, fuck!" I could hear Logan shout, he hadn't gone in the room, he was stood just out side it.

"kenz get dressed... Quickly" he said.  
I ran to my room and chucked some clothes on from out of my bag.

When I came out the hallway was filled with smoke, I could hardly see, and could hardly breathe.

"Logan! Where are you" I shouted.

I couldn't see anything. I tried to feel my way along the wall.  
I was coughing so bad.  
My inhaler! I was going to need that,  
It was in my bag in the lounge. Fuck!

"Logan!" I screamed  
my chest felt tight, how had such An amazing day got so bad so quickly.

I couldn't even breathe in enough air to cough now. I slumped against the wall.

My eyes streamed with water from the smoke in the house.

I couldn't breathe at all.

I felt a hand grab me, and pull me in the direction of what the stairs was.

Logan squeezed my hand but lack of air took is toll on me and my legs collapsed underneath me.

Logan picked me up, he hurried down the stairs. The hallway was thick with smoke. From what I could see of the living room it just glowed orange.

we reached the front door and made it outside.

"Kenzie... Kenzie, fuck. Are you okay?" I tried to gasp in a load of fresh air. My eyes felt like they were on fire. They stung so bad.

I coughed and coughed, I thought my chest was going to explode. I couldn't suck any air in now.

"Mackenzie. Where's your inhaler?" Logan said as he patted my pockets down trying to find it.

I pointed in the house.

"shit Kenzie... I can't get that now it's gone... I need you to take a slow breath in yeah" Logan said.

I heard sirens in the distance.

I tried My hardest to breathe some fresh air in but I couldn't, my air ways had totally closed.

Logan had sat me down just out side his car.

he took one of my hands and wiped the streaming tears from my face with his other.

I blinked away, trying to clear my vision. I could see his face. He smiled at me, and I took a wheeze in.

"there we go kenz... Look at me, look at me! breathe in with me okay" he said, his voice calm.

Logan breathed in slow and deep,I copied him.

"that's brilliant kenz... Come on let's get that smoke out your lungs okay" he said.

I nodded and followed him with some more Deep breaths.

chaos soon erupted as the fire department showed up, and soon followed An ambulance.

Logan stayed with me the entire time. He wouldn't let go of my hand. He was shaking. I put it down to shock.

The ambulance people gave me oxygen, Logan insisted he was fine.

as we sat I looked up at the house, it was well and truly on fire. from what I could see the fire had definitely spread to the kitchen.

Fireman went in and out.

I took my oxygen mask off "Logan I'm so sorry... Your beautiful home"

Logan didn't say anything, he just kissed my forehead, he had tears in his eyes.

I squeezed his hand, and he gave it a couple of squeezes back.

I told the ambulance people that I didn't want to spend the night in hospital. It was against their advice, but I felt okay considering.

the place was soon buzzing with press and cameras. Logan and I safely hid away in the back of the ambulance.

we sat in silence, the only noise coming from the hiss of the oxygen mask.

A few minutes passed, and there came a double tap to the back of the ambulance.  
It then set off in motion.

We both got checked over at the hospital, I once again refused to stay in over night.

As we walked out James was there to greet us.

He gave Logan a hug "Jesus man, it's all over the news...you guys okay?" He said looking at us both.

We both just nodded.

"Sheriden is insisting you both come back with me" James said.

Again Logan just nodded.

"come on" James said slinging an arm around both of us and guided us out to where he had parked his car.

I sat in the back, thinking Logan would take the front but he got in next to me. He held my hand once James had started driving.

I didn't bother asking if he was okay. He just watched his beautiful home pretty much burn to the ground.  
That house was so nice. I was filled with guilt.

Some tears came through as I let my brain come to terms with the reality of what had just happened.

When we got to Carlos' house, Sheriden swooped in on us. We sat in the lounge. The news was on with footage of the fire.  
James went to turn it off.  
"no leave it... I need to see" Logan said.

There was still fireman there according to the news footage that was in front of me.

The fire had spread upstairs. The house was completely wrecked, I doubted anything had survived it.

"I'll go make us all some drinks" Sheriden said then walked out to the kitchen.

"I can't believe it" Logan finally said.

I gave his hand a squeeze, James turned the TV off.

"it's all gone" Logan said then buried his head in his hands and sobbed.

I looked at James, he gave Logan a pat on the shoulder then walked out to the kitchen.

I lifted Logans head and pulled him in to my arms.

"Logan I'm so sorry I don't know what to tell you... I feel so bad... I'm so sorry" I repeated.

"kenz it's not your fault. I mean least we got out right" he cried.

"yeah we are fine... Come on now... Shhhh, don't cry" I soothed.

Sheriden walked back in. Logan stayed in my arms crying.

Sheriden sat on the other side of him.

"Logan get this in you..." She said, handing him a large glass of whiskey.

He came out from my hug and downed the glass.

"what Am I gonna do princess... I had only just finished decorating it" Logan gave a little insane laugh at the irony of it.

"do the only thing you can, draw a line, start again... It's only a house and stuff. As long as your okay, that's all that matters" Sheriden said.

Logan started crying again.

Sheriden tried to take him this time but he turned back to me.

"Mackenzie are you okay" she asked, I must of looked like shit.

I just nodded as I stroked back Logans hair.

The house phone rang, Sheriden got up to answer it.

"hi Los..." Sheriden said to the phone as she picked it up.

"they are both fine and here... "

Sheriden looked over to Logan and me.

"no, now isn't the best time" she said.

"I will get her to call you when things calm down... Okay Carlos... Love you... Bye" she said ending her phone conversation.

"Logan go and have a shower get all this shit off you. And get in to some of Carlos' clothes".

Sheriden ordered.

Logan got up roboticaly and left the room.

I sat there and looked at the floor.

"Mackenzie how did it start?" James said

I looked at him.

"I'm not sure, I was in my room, the alarm went off, next thing I knew Logan grabbed me and led me out. It was the living room" I said.

James nodded and looked at Sheriden.

"Mackenzie there is a shower room in my bedroom, help your self to my clothes" Sheriden said.

I went upstairs.

Logan grabbed me just before I walked in to sheridens room  
"what did you tell them kenz?"

"crap you made me jump... Just that I was in my room, I heard the alarm and you came and got me... Thats all..."

"good girl Kenzie" he said then gave me a quick kiss and went back off to wherever he came from.

Poor Logan, what a complete mess.

I showered and cleaned myself up from all the smoke, I felt so much better, I decided against putting sheridens clothes on, I doubted they would fit any way, I went in to Carlos' room and put one of his t shirts on, I kept my underwear on from the fire, it was pretty much clean anyway after only wearing it to get out the house.

Carlos must of packed his robe. I couldn't find it any way.

I went back down the stairs and in to the living room.

Logan sat with another drink in his hand.

"kenz you okay?" He said patting the seat next to him.

"yeah I'm okay... Just the shock..." I said as I sat down next to him

"what about you? " I asked.

"it's fucked you know... Yeah it's just stuff, but the stuff was my life... I keep thinking of things that I had and wondering what's happened to it"

"Logan I'm so sorry... " I started but Logan cut me off.

"it wasnt your fault, it's just one of them things" he said.

"yeah but if I hadn't of been here at all..." I protested

"then none of that great stuff would of happened" Logan butted in.

I looked around.

"where are they?" I whispered.

"took the dogs out" he replied.

"Logan thanks for helping me back there... You were really great you know. I panicked so bad at the top of the stairs. For a minute I thought you had left me in there" I said.

"no, I ran upstairs to get dressed... I was in my room, I didn't realise it would get like that so quick... I'm sorry if you thought that... You scared the shit out of me on the stairs, I thoughtyou were dead, you just collapsed..." He said, staring in to space reliving the moment in his head.

I wrapped my self in him, and had a little cry.

"hey come on... I didn't mean to upset you... Mackenzie?..." He whispered as he lifted my head up.

He kissed me. "All that matters is your okay" he added after.

I hitched my legs up on the sofa and leant on Logans knees like a pillow... He smelt like Carlos because of the clothes he wore, for the first time today, I felt so guilty.

I looked at the clock it read 9:30pm, the day had gone so slowly. I felt exhausted.

"Logan will you stay down here with me tonight, I don't want to be alone. Some times I get scared I won't wake up again... My sister used to poke me if she couldn't hear me breathing"

"course I will kenz... I don't think I will get much sleep tonight, so you have a definite poker in me" he said as he stroked my damp red hair.

"Thankyou" I whispered.  
I closed my eyes and tried my hardest not to think of anything. Sleep soon took me.


	52. Chapter 52

**SHERIDENS STORY**

"how's your back Sheri" James asked me just a we approached Carlos' house with the dogs after a lengthy walk out.

"it's okay... I think you did me a favour taking the crutches... Sorry I'm so slow" I smiled.

"you can be as slow as you like baby" he replied.

"I can't believe logans home has gone... He spent so long finding the right one, and we spent months finding his furniture... He loved it" I sighed.

"yeah it's shocking... I think you might be right about them being at it though. There is... A vibe between them... plus... they held hands all the way home in the car... I don't think they I knew I had another mirror to see the dogs in the back" James said.

"shit really... Fuck, i bet it was all of those candles that started the fire... There were loads" I said.

James sighed and we stopped just outside the house.  
"Sheriden, I know that what's going on there is not right... But it has nothing to do with us, and we have our own bigger problems to deal with, rather than worry who is screwing who" he explained.

"I know James... I would of said something to Logan at his house if I was going to interfere ... Maybe if I had then this wouldn't of happened" I replied.

James gave me a kiss we then walked in to the house.

as we walked in to the lounge, I eyed the scene that presented itself to me.

Mackenzie was asleep with her head on Logans lap whilst wearing Carlos' clothes as a night shirt.  
She had some balls on her that one.

It killed me to do it, but James was right, we didn't have the time or energy to worry about this with everything that was on our own plate.

"how you feeling Logan " I whispered so not to wake Mackenzie.

Logan looked at me and smiled "bit stressed out" he said

"my music book has gone... I had every song I had ever written in that, my phone, contacts... All gone. the portraits you shipped in from Milan for me... Gone, laptop, my photos, Mackenzies phone, her clothes, her inhaler...I don't own a pair of shoes any more Sheriden..."

Logan broke down

"Logan come on, you don't know how bad it is yet. Let's just wait til morning okay... get your self up in to the spare room and get some sleep..." I said, there was nothing more I could say. He had lost everything.

"I promised Mackenzie I would stay here with her... She was scared she wouldn't wake up, she worries she will stop breathing in her sleep" he said as he looked down at the sleeping Mackenzie.

I looked at him looking at her. I had the feeling that a bit more than just having sex had been going on.

I looked at James. That pretty much confirmed it for me. James looked at me in the same doe eyed way Logan now looked at Mackenzie.

How the hell was he going to explain this to Carlos.

"she is a nice girl isn't she... Carlos has done well to find her" I said looking at Mackenzie.

"yeah she is great.. he has done really well".was all Logan said then looked away from his sleeping red head.

"Sheriden where will I find a blanket for them?" James Asked from the doorway.

"there are two cupboards in the bathroom, open the large one and you will find some in there" I replied

James left the room.

"Logan I will do everything I can to help restore all the precious things in that house that you have lost okay.. The insurance will replace the other things... Do you know how it started?"  
I asked,

"yeah I had lit candles in the living room. I left them and then got sidetracked and forgot" he said

"Candles... Why did you light candles?" I asked, hoping for the truth.

Logan looked at me "it's Christmas day princess, why wouldn't anyone light candles on Christmas day" he clarified.

This was true...

I nodded, James walked in with a few blankets and handed them to Logan.I watched as he gently tucked Mackenzie in.  
I had never seen Logan like this before, he was more an ass grabber, and a chauvinistic pig.  
I couldn't stay angry at him. he reminded me of James when I was dating Kendall... Obviously Logan had stabbed Carlos in the back by sleeping with his girlfriend, James waited til I was free before we did anything.

I couldn't stay angry at him. I kissed him on the forehead and hobbled up stairs with James.

once in the safety of our room, I shut the door.  
"I think Logan may well be in love with that girl" I confided in James.

"I think you may be right... That was... I dunno... Fucked up"

"what an odd Christmas" I said to myself more than James.

James phone rang, he answered it as i got dressed for bed.

"paisley... Hey,"

"yeah I know it has... He is here... With Mackenzie... I don't know the ins and outs"

"he is okay... Shaken but doing okay"

"thanks... Yeah I'm feeling better too you know... Paris huh? ... Yeah sounds great"

"yeah say hi to Kendall for me... pais, come visit me when your back okay... I'm back on track, I promise, I've let you down so bad... When are you back?

"okay brilliant... See you then okay... Bye pais" James chirped and hung up.

"wow, that was the first time I've answered my phone in ages... "

I smiled at James.  
"did they see the fire on the news?" I asked.

"yeah... She sounded frantic to start of with... She likes Logan. They were little tour buddies when she wasn't screwing Kendall on the bus" James chuckled.

I smiled at him.  
"come to bed maslow" I ordered.

I was tired, James had fucked my brains out this afternoon. I felt normal for once though.

I snuggled in to James and fell asleep .

The next morning I woke up and plodded down stairs, it had just gone 8 am. I made a pot of coffee. then I walked in to the lounge.  
Logan and Mackenzie were sound asleep. Logan now slept beside her. He held her so close to him, his face was buried in her shoulder... They looked cute almost.

I left the room. and decided to sit in the dining room. I sat there for a few moments until James came down stairs "morning baby" I greeted him with

"good morning beautiful" he replied.

"there's coffee in the pot... Take a look at them two in there" I said nodding towards the lounge.

James poked his head in the door.

He walked out to the kitchen and poured him self a coffee then sat next to me.

"do they know that we know... " James asked me.

I shook my head "I don't think Logan is that stupid... He must of just been really tired to fall to sleep like that... How do you fancy making our first public appearance together today?"

"I love that idea already... Where are we going?" James said.

"shopping... They both need clothes and shoes..." I said,

"okay brill... " James replied and left me at the table to go and get ready.

Mackenzie came out after a few minutes.

"morning" she husked, shocked at her own voice.

"Jesus... Is that the smoke that's done that?" I asked.

"I guess so... eurgh... It sounds like I smoke 40 a day" she moaned listening to her own voice.

"James and I are going to grab you some essentials from the shop in a bit, write down your shoe size and stuff for me" I said handing her a memo pad.

She took it and wrote her shoe and dress size down  
"thanks Sheriden" she husked.

"it's fine... Mackenzie, I would never want Carlos to get hurt" I said out of the blue.

Mackenzie just looked at me with her big green eyes.

"what... What do you mean?" She asked.

"well... You and Logan seem a bit... Pally" I admitted.

her face dropped, I wasn't going to tell her what I knew I wanted to make her squirm.

"Sheriden, it's ... Its complicated, I do really like Carlos... Please don't tell him" she whispered.

Bingo... I have her in my claws.

"Carlos is as good as my brother Mackenzie... It would take a lot to not tell him" I said so calmly. I loved playing the bitch.

"but it will cause so many problems berween him and Logan..."

"Mackenzie your not the first of Carlos' girlfriends that have ended up being caught up in one of Logans games you know" I replied.

"no I didn't know know that..." Mackenzie said then thought for a minute.

" What can I do that will prove to you that this is just a one off mistake... I will do anything... Please" she begged.

"well there is one thing... Carlos would appreciate it too... Do the modelling show for us... if you scratch my back... I will have some recent memory loss about what I have seen..." I said.

Mackenzie looked at me, she clearly underestimated me being a class A bitch.

She nodded "okay... Please just don't say".

I smiled then got up and left the table and made my way upstairs.

I got dressed in some civvies, hat on, shades on.

James came out of the shower. He looked at me.  
"I heard what you said Sheriden... To Mackenzie... Its a bit below the belt, even for you" he said.

"just getting things sorted. Logan won't stay with her, it is just a game, sure he is smitten at the moment... This is Logan we are talking about James" I defended my actions.

James just smiled. "You never change do you"he laughed

"nope... I really want her in that show" I sighed.

"you really want her because she doesn't want to do it Sheri" James said.

Maybe he was right. Mackenzie did look great, I could see her modelling even if she couldn't.

After James and I had got back from shopping we arrived home to Logan chatting to someone from the fire department.  
He sat next to Mackenzie at Carlos' table.

I wanted to listen in but James dragged me out to the back garden.

"Sheriden if your there listening then Logan will find it difficult to tell the truth... He will need that insurance money...he can't afford to lie about it" he said.

"yeah your right... , your so bloody smart all the time..." i smiled.  
"James..." I said as an after thought.

"Sheriden..." James copied my tone "what is it now, whenever you say jaaames, I know its something I will usually say no to" he smiled

"well you can say no if you like... But our wedding...well I would like it at the Belle point... I don't want it ridiculous, but I want it fashionable... Outrageous even" I smiled

"the Belle point chapel... In Vegas?" James asked.

"yeah. Its not going to be some Elvis impersonator marrying us off, its a huge beautiful garden, with fresh flowers all along the isle... It will be... Exquisite James"

"exquisite ay... Sounds amazing Sheriden... If the Belle point is what you want then the Belle point is what you will have" he said wrapping his arms around me.

"it will be big and beautiful James... I promise, I already have some ideas for my dress." I squealed with excitement.

"okay... But the deal is I organise the honeymoon, and it will be a secret, and you won't moan"

I made a pouty face but gave James a kiss "deal" I agreed.

James smiled, we got caught in a seductive kiss... James was so yummy. I swear he was made for my lips.

"hey sorry to interrupt guys" Logan said standing at the patio door.

I broke away from James "its cool... Has the fireman gone?" James asked.

"yeah he said I can go round to have a look. The structure of the house is still sound so its safe to go inside... Could you give me lift please James?" Logan asked with a heavy heart.

"yeah, course. Did they say the cause?" James asked.

"yeah... It was the Christmas tree lights... Nothing to do with all those candles... I'm lucky to be alive really. It could of caught on fire at any time" Logan said.

I walked over and gave him a hug.  
"thanks Sheriden" he whispered.

"your new clothes are in the hall...in the bags... Hope you like them, just casual stuff..." I said.

"That's brilliant princess. Thankyou" he said giving me a squeeze.  
He then walked back in to the house.

James slung an arm around me, then we followed Logan in to the house.

Mackenzie walked down the stairs in the new clothes I had bought her, she looked amazing.

"thanks for this..." She said as she reached the bottom.  
She handed me a piece of paper  
"that's my home address and home number... My mobile... Well its dead" she clarified.

I nodded and pocketed the details.

"what's that for?" Logan asked.

"for the modelling show" Mackenzie sighed.

"I didn't think you wanted to do it" he replied puzzled.

"I changed my mind... That's all" she replied looking at the floor.

"kenz I'm just going to get changed then we will be off okay" Logan said.

Mackenzie nodded and logan darted up the stairs to change out of carlos' clothes.

"how come your tagging along to the house" I queried to mackenzie once logan was out of ear shot

James looked at me, I ignored him

"I'm going to the train station after to go home, I called my mom this morning, she organised everything for me" Mackenzie said

"okay... Well get home safe Mackenzie... I will be in touch. Filming will start in a few months or so, once I've found the last two" I said then gave Mackenzie a hug.

Logan came down stairs, he thanked us for the clothes then he left with Mackenzie out the door.

"Sheri I will be back soon okay. I love you" James said then he left too.


	53. Chapter 53

**MACKENZIES STORY**

Logan hadn't said much to me this morning. but he seemed happier that the fireman had said it wasnt the candles.  
He was understandably quite, James pulled in to Logans large drive after giving us a lift down since the fireman gave it the all clear to enter.

as I looked up to the wreckage that was now Logans house, I felt his hand take mine. I looked at him. He looked anxious.  
All I could do was smile at him. some windows had smashed and black smoke stained the brickwork.

We all got out of the car. Logan took out the key that the fire man had given him this morning to unlock the dead bolt that now hung on his door.

Inside the house was black and sopping wet. The lounge where the fire had started was devastated. Nothing was left, just shells of furniture. The kitchen was just as bad. The door had been left open so the fire must of took pretty easily.

The other downstairs rooms weren't so bad. Logans music room was saved, he found a book which he gave a kiss to and stored safely under his arm to take with him.  
His games room wasnt so lucky, I hadn't been in here before the fire but the pool table was charred, the puddle of water on the floor let us in on the clue that even if the TV and games consoles had survived the fire, they hadn't survived the water that put it all out.

the carpet on the stairs was gone now, i could see the floor beneath it, Upstairs the bathroom was black. Logans room was ruined, the soft furnishings took the brunt of the fire.  
The cream guest room I had stayed in was burnt out, I had left the door open, all my belongings had been burnt, soaked or smoke damaged.

After we had assessed each room we went outside.  
"I was expecting worse to be honest" Logan said.

"it won't take Long to fix up, give it a month I reckon you could move back in and start decorating again.

"oh my car..." Logan said then ran back in the house, he came out jingling a pair of car Keys. And locked the dead bolt on the door with the firemans key

"Least these are okay" he smiled at his car keys. "right let's get you off home then kenz shall we?" He added sounding a bit too cheery than he should be.

"you sure your okay Logan?" James asked. "I can drop Mackenzie off... Its no trouble"

Logan looked at me, then back to James "no its fine, I promised to take good care of her" he said.

"okay well I'm gonna get back to Sheriden then okay" James said eyeing us both.

"yeah sure buddy, thanks for everything" Logan said and gave James a hug with some back slapping.

we all made our way to the cars.  
Logan started his engine and drove us out of his drive.  
"Logan are you sure you're okay...that was fucked up" I said.

"yeah it was fucked up but I'm fine Kenz... Honestly" he said smiling looking out to the road ahead.

"so when did you decide to do the show with Sheriden?... I thought you was too normal for all that?" He said giving me a side ways glance.

"I am too normal, and I don't want to do it... Sheriden kind of knows about us, I don't know how. She said if I don't do the show then she will tell Carlos about us" I sighed,

"Sheriden wouldn't say... She wouldn't risk another rift between us all" Logan retorted laughing it off.

"Logan... Sheriden said that I'm not the first of Carlos' girlfriends you have had fun with... Is that true?" I asked.

"no its not true, there was a misunderstanding that's all... I didn't even know that Carlos was dating her, she literally made her way around the tour bus... Kenz I'm not that guy... I'm a lot of things but I'm not that... Me and you... Its different... Yeah?" he said.

"yeah, it is... sorry I had to ask... Your reputation proceeds you" I laughed.

"I will talk to Sheriden, she is just using you to get what she wants kenz" he replied.

"no please don't, don't let her know that I told you... Please Logan" I begged.

"okay... Whatever you say. I just think you should stick to what you want kenz" he sighed.

We pulled in to the train station.

Logan parked up.  
"you know where your going?" He asked

"no my mom just said go to the ticket office, she has sorted the rest out..."  
I explained.

"okay well I guess this is goodbye then kenz..." He whispered as he leaned over to hug me.

"I'm so sorry about your home Logan, but Thankyou for... Being you, it was amazing" I confessed.

"yeah it was amazing. I guess next time I see you will be very different... Kind of sucks kenz... But Carlos is more for you" He said.

"yeah this just a one off thing sucks... I don't regret what happened. I never will... How am I meant to contact you guys? I've lost all my contacts in my phone" I said giving him a little kiss on the lips.

Logan returned my kiss for a few seconds before searching his car for a pen.

"shit I don't have a pen kenz... erm I will tweet you" he said.

"I don't have a twitter Logan, I can make one though..." I said grasping at straws to not lose him.

"make one then tweet me, tweet me something so I know its definitely you" he said over excited.

"Sheriden has my number for my home... Isn't that easier?" I asked.

"she won't give me it, tweet me a song I will find you kenz" he insisted.

"well what song?" I asked

Logan turned his radio on, he skipped through a few channels then stopped. It was Jason Mraz, I won't give up.

"perfect song kenz, you know it?" He asked.

"yeah I know this... Okay so Jason Mraz ... You will never see it... I will be back in two weeks" I said

"yeah back in two weeks to see Carlos, not me kenz" he said giving me a kiss.

"okay I will send it, and send it and send it, till you reply... Only one problem, you don't have a laptop..." I said.

"I will beg, steal and borrow okay.. Don't worry" he said leaning his forehead on mine.

"Logan... I don't know if carl..." Logan interrupted me.

"don't say it... Meet up with Carlos, have fun, and see where it goes okay... I'm a heartbreaker kenz, that's the only thing I can promise you" he said.

I nodded and took his head in my hands kissing him.

"this is insane... I don't want to go" I said giving him another little kiss.

"don't get all mushy on me kenz... Your fiesty... Stay that way"

I sighed as I looked at the time "I gotta go logues"

" Jason Mraz, I won't give up! I will be waiting Kenzie"

"I won't give up Logan" I smiled, and gave him a kiss then got out of the car.

He stayed leaning on his steering wheel watching til I had blown him a kiss bye and went round the corner.

Once I had my ticket sorted out and the train had set off I tried not to think too much about how my Christmas had ended.

I felt bad for Carlos, its funny how a few weeks ago he was the man I dreamt of, now I had him I wasn't so sure...

I reached home to a very concerned mother, I spent the first day at home with my family, we had a second little Christmas in my honour,  
The day after I went home, I had messages on my answer phone from Sheriden and Carlos, she had obviously passed my home number on to him.

I went to my computer and set up my twitter account. I posted on Logans wall, I decided I would call myself redcherry, it said Logan had over a million followers, this was pointless, there was no way he would see it.

I tweeted the song, i tweeted the lyrics i tweeted the singer, I did it all over and over again.

I felt desperate, I needed to talk to him, ask how he was, where was he staying.  
I very nearly called Carlos just to get Logans number, but when I tried to workout the question in my head it wasn't worth the risk of Sheriden finding out about it.

I did call Carlos though on the number he had left me on the answer phone.

"hey Carlos"

"hey baby girl, how's home feeling after all the drama?" He asked.

"its feeling amazing, I missed my bed so much... How are you Los, I've missed you" I said

It was true I had missed Carlos even though I had cheated on him. But to be fair we weren't an official couple.

"I've missed you too kenz... I've got a belated Christmas gift for you... I was wondering if you could come down a bit earlier for me to give it to you?"

"Carlos I wish I could but its the busiest time of the year for us at work" I explained.

"yeah I know, just an idea... Sheriden said you agreed to do the show, that's amazing. Your born to be a star Kenzie"

"so what's this gift you have got me then?" I said changing the subject

Carlos laughed," I'm not telling you"

"oh your a meany los, hey what did your brother get you? Was it a shark?" this whole shark conversation made me think of Logan, what he did while I was on the phone when Carlos told me about it.

"oh my God Kenzie, its a boat, its called the shark... Its amazing, I will take you to Florida and we can go out on it, would you like that?" Carlos asked.

"wow... Yeah I would love it.. A boat, that's insane Los" I laughed

"it is isn't it..kenz, how are you? after the fire, was it scary?" He asked.

"yeah it was scary. I couldn't see, couldn't breathe... I think about it at night... Those tree lights could of gone at any time Los...its just weird how things happen huh" i said.

"yeah it is baby... Don't think about things at night, call me if that happens, I will talk to you till you fall to sleep... I miss you kenz."

My heart melted a bit at his kind words  
"That's really sweet Los, I will phone if it happens... Oh I'm going out to buy a new cell tomorrow, I'll call you with my new number, I'm not sure of they will let me keep the same one"

"that's good, I like having you just a text away... Sucks that you live so far from Cali" he said.

"yeah it does baby... But makes waiting to see you that bit more exciting" I declared.

"yeah it does... Can't wait to see you Kenzie"

"Los I'm going to go off to bed now while I'm still thinking about how sweet you are"

"Okay Kenzie... I'm going to dream of you"

My heart melted a bit more

"night Los"

"sweet dreams Mackenzie"

I hung up and sighed to my self. Carlos was so sweet.

I got in to bed and did think of Carlos, I felt I had changed so much from the btr fan I was a few weeks ago. I still held a strong flame for him.

The next few days I spent at work were busy, I spent my evenings on twitter still trying to get hold of Logan. As far as I could tell he hadn't been on, but I wasnt very good at figuring twitter out, I was more a facebook girl.

4 days had passed, I had spoken to Carlos constantly , and heard nothing from Logan. I wondered if he had just played me, I honestly felt he had had some feelings for me. But now I wasn't so sure.

I felt gutted.

It wasnt until after I had spoken to Carlos on new years eve that I was getting myself ready to go to a party that my new mobile buzzed with a little bird sign alert on my icons.

My heart almost stopped.

I scrambled to load twitter up, my thumbs forgot how to work.

It was a pm from 1LoganHenderson... Oh fuck... I read it.  
" hey redcherry, where did you hear that song?" It said

I replied eagerly "at the train station, in the car!, "

My phone buzzed again with another twitter message a few moments later ... "Do you have digits to give me? "

I sent my mobile number and it rang a few minutes after

"hello?" I answered

"kenz?"

"yeah... Fuck is that really you Logan?"

"yep... How you doing, sorry its taken so long, I bought a new laptop, James was using his, he wouldn't part with it. Are you at home ?"

"yeah I'm just getting ready to go out to a new years party, what are you doing tonight?"

"tonight... Not much... Just hanging out in Idaho... in boise," he replied.

"Are you kidding, your here? " I asked my heart bursting.

"I'm here kenz, you want to see me?"

"yes" I felt my eyes fill up.

"where are you Mackenzie?" Logan said

"Logan... Shit is this a joke"

"where are you kenz, I want to spend new years with you... Is that's okay" he asked.

I took a moment, I couldn't talk just yet without letting him know I was tearful.

"kenz?... You there?"

"yeah..." I replied choked up

"don't do that... Don't cry, come on Mackenzie, I don't want to upset you... Where are you?"

I told him my address, he told me twenty minutes.  
I text my girlfriends saying I was ill.  
my sister was still back home, I was so glad.

The door rang on my little flat, I went down the stairs and answered it.

Logan stood there.

I just broke down, he took me in his arms.

"kenz... Kenzie, cmon... Baby cmon" he soothed.

"Jesus, your here" I blubbed.

We went up the stairs to my flat, it was above a small retail store for ladies clothing.

I sat on my sofa next to Logan and cried in his arms.

"Mackenzie... Why are you upset" he asked pulling my face from his chest.

I shook my head "I don't know... I missed you so much.. i cant believe your here?" I said.

Logan chuckled

"don't get upset... Come here" he said as he kissed me

I got carried away with the kiss from word go... It put Logan off i think.  
"kenz... Please tell me your not falling in love with me"

I looked at him "course I'm not in love with you... I just want to... fuck"

"I love the way you lie kenz" Logan said as he kissed me again

I pulled him to my bedroom, I wanted to be as close as I could to him.

we stripped eachother of all clothing, Logan delved straight in to me, there was no going slow now, he fucked me senseless. It felt so good, it felt natural, it felt nice.  
He was hard and raw. He had me on all fours and took me from behind. every new position I learnt felt so amazing in all different ways.

I lay motionless after... He had left my body numb, but I craved more from him.

"are you staying the night?" I asked him.

"night?... Week?, its up to you, I don't have a home." He replied as he looked at me from across the pillow.

"week?... shit really?... My sister gets back in 3 days, you can stay til then if you like?... Logan.. You know how I feel don't you?" I asked.

"as long as you know how I feel, I think its the same" he replied.

"Logan... Why are you here?" I asked staring in to his brown eyes.

"do you want the bullshit reason or the real one? He asked.

I smiled "both" I replied

" Okay bullshit reason is... I really actually like you, but unfortunately for you the real reason is I really need a hair cut" he said.

"well that's a relief... I thought maybe you were falling in love with me... Haircut I can put up with, but a love crazed hot guy... No way" I laughed and gave him a kiss.

"I will give you a hair cut tomorrow though"

Midnight came and went, we spent the evening together, I layed in Logans arms, we just talked.

Logan had been staying at a hotel, he had started the clean up job in his house all already, but he explained it was all going so slow because of the holidays. Not many companies would be working this week.

"so how are you and Carlos doing?" He asked a he got comfy in my bed.

"okay"was all I replied, I found it odd to talk about Carlos after doing things with Logan.

"just okay? Carlos phoned me yesterday and wouldn't stop going on about you" Logan said and laughed.

"I find it weird to talk about him with you... I don't know what I'm meant to do with Carlos" I said rubbing my head with a hand.

"Mackenzie, get to know him, fall in love. Shag him non stop" he chirped.

"why do you want me to have sex with him so bad, the thought of you doing it with some one else makes me miserable" I confessed.

"because I know your better off with him, you know your better off with him too, sex is sex. Its what's in your heart that matters. I don't want to be in your heart... I would smash it to bits once I was out of the area code" he admitted.

"Logan... if I do have sex with Carlos, will he be able to tell that... You know... ive done it"I asked blushing.

"I don't think so... Just don't ask him to do what we just did... That might give it away" he laughed.

I rolled my eyes. "Did Sheriden say anything to you about us?" I asked.

"no I've not seen her, she has been busy putting final touches to this show... Have you told her to get lost yet? I love Sheriden to bits but she will eat you alive if you let her. She has a very strong business head" Logan said.

"no, she scares me... Thing is, if I do this show, she wants me in LA for three months, that's me out of a job, I tried explaining that to her but she wouldn't listen, just kept saying how much money I could make from modelling... How much money does she have?... I don't know if I want that much money... Look at her life, its a complete mess, I'm so happy with the little life I have Logan"

Logan didn't say anything, he pulled me in for a hug. I layed there for several minutes just collecting my thoughts

"try talking to Carlos Mackenzie, if he tells Sheriden he doesn't want you to do it, then she will drop it" Logan advised.

"I did, it didn't work, he said its a great opportunity for me, he is looking forward to dating a model" I said taking in a deep breath.

"well what's the chances you would actually win public votes anyway... Don't worry about your job, things will sort themselves out." Logan said giving me a kiss on my head.

"yeah I guess... Everything happens for a reason right?" I said.

"yup" Logan replied.

I didn't sleep at all that night. Having Logan in my flat was great, he was really normal, he must of thought the place was awful compared to his lovely home he once had, but he hid it well.

The three days I spent with Logan holed up in my little flat were exhausting. I had lost count of the times I had sex, but could now boast of being knowledgeable in all positions and various places in my home.

Everytime Carlos rung me Logan would leave the room.

Logan and I had a very frank conversation the morning that he left that we were both content with it being a purely sexual relationship and promised that this was too be the last.

I felt sad, but I didn't want to annoy him. We had agreed at the beginning it was a one off.

"I will see you around then" I said giving him a hug

"see you around kenz" then he was gone with just a brief look back at me, i thought he was going to come back at one point but he carried on to his car.

I went back up to LA at the weekend to meet up with Carlos.

I stayed at his house. It was nice we cooked dinner together, watched a movie, just hung out, we chatted a lot.

at bed time I knew this was it. Carlos and I kissed a lot, Carlos also talked a lot about random things in between the kissing.  
It put me off slightly.

"Mackenzie, are you on the pill?" He asked as it was point break time, he was naked and all I had left was my panties.

"no, injection... I'm safe Los" I said.

he smiled at me then pulled my underwear down.

He entered me fairly quick, definitely not as slow as Logan had on my official first time, but it was nice.

Carlos was more romantic, it was slow and soulful almost.

We kissed the entire time on the lips, Carlos was a lively kisser, he had no pattern, but I was used to that now, I had kind of mimicked his way to fit in.

To be fair Carlos was lasting ages, it was good, that was the only way I could describe it.

He would get me to my peak then stop, pulling me in by my ass with his Hands and stopping for a moment, then once I had stopped being in the danger zone of coming he would start again.

When I did finally come, Carlos made sure he was exactly on cue with me.

I honestly had never felt anything like it, because he had worked me up for so Long, the orgasm literally took over my body.  
Deep moans fell from my mouth.

Now I understood why Carlos refused me a quick twenty minutes on Christmas eve before his alarm went off.  
He must of been going for an hour and a half. He was drenched in sweat.

I could still feel his penis in me as my insides throbbed away in pleasure.

"how was that" Carlos laughed as he rolled off me.

"that was pretty fucking amazing Los" I said.

"good... it didn't hurt?" He asked.

"a bit" I lied "I'm just going to go to the toilet, make sure all is okay" I said remembering the blood from when Logan had his wicked way with me on my first time.

"oh ok... Sure... I'm sorry if I hurt you Kenzie" he said.

I smiled then walked in to his ensuite.

Of course I was fine, no blood, Logan had broken me in well and truly by now, but a little acting never hurt, I spent a few minutes in there.

I walked back out to the bedroom and found Carlos fast asleep. He deserved it, that was a good session he had treated me to.

The next morning Carlos had to go down to the studio to finish the filming that James had postponed due to his little break down.

I spent the day with Sheriden, it was Carlos' idea, she talked through her show, and let me in on little trade secrets, the entire thing bored the life out of me.

Carlos and James arrived back at the house just gone 6pm.  
we got talking about Carlos' boat.  
I did wonder how Carlos' brother had afforded a boat, but it was soon unveiled that Sheriden had chipped in, it wasn't just a boat, it was 30 metre yacht, that cost 600.000 dollars.

Carlos tended to get very over excited, but the three of them discussed a boat trip, the yacht had four bed cabins, so it was decided we would all go together. It did sound exciting. James was almost as excited as Carlos.

I just dreaded being trapped on a boat with Sheriden.  
they had planned that we would do the trip at the end of January when all filming had finished and we all had a free weekend.

I stayed at Carlos' for one more night before I set off back to Idaho,  
we made love again, it was slow and seductive again. Just as the night before. Maybe even longer. I realised that Carlos wasn't a foreplay person. He liked to do all of his pleasing with his cock.

Carlos held me in his arms afterwards, I lay there listening to his breathing calm down,  
I looked up and realised he had zonked out again, I smiled, he really did wear him self out.

As he said goodbye to me at the airport the following morning he handed me a little box.  
"what's this?" I asked.

"told you I had a little gift for you... Open it up"he said with a smile.

I opened up the box, inside was a bracelet, it was beautiful, a silver charm bracelet with diamonds sprinkled all over it.  
There was one charm dangling from it, it was a little pair of scissors... Hairdressers scissors.

I smiled, "its beautiful, thank you Carlos" I said and gave him a kiss after he had clasped the bracelet around my wrist.

"I thought your life has changed a lot in the last few months, I'm hoping to fill it up with some interesting charms... Like a little bracelet of memories" he said.

my heart melted " that's the most romantic thing I think any one has ever said to me" I whispered as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"really... I bet I can still top it" he said with a smile.

"you can try..." I said giving him a kiss on the nose, as I locked my arms tighter around his neck.

"Mackenzie, I think I'm in love with you" he whispered back.

I looked in to his eyes, beautiful brown kind eyes.  
I wasn't sure if I was in love with Carlos. I knew I had very strong feelings for him. I hoped my heart would soon let me know that I was in love with him, but for now I said it back anyway.

"I love you too Los"

We kissed and said our goodbyes then with a heavy heart I made my way back to Idaho.


	54. Chapter 54

**PAISLEYS STORY**  
Kendall and I had just returned home from a much deserved break together in Paris.

Our holiday was amazing. we saw some fantastic things, and came back a completely solid couple, I had fallen even more in love with Kendall if that was possible.

We had really needed the break away from everything to get back to how we had started.  
We still bickered but I loved it. It was just us.  
Kendall admitted he had never been like this with any of his other girlfriends, so I guessed it must be something I had brought in to the relationship.  
We were too alike, sometimes that made us clash, but the same likeness was what always brought us back together.

Returning home was mixed, obviously what had happened to Logans house was So awful,  
we caught up on some sleep the first day back, jet lag from Paris was a killer.

We lazed about at kendall house, just watching TV when the door bell rang, I was aware of what had been kind of happening by what kendall had been told on our return to LA but it was still a shock when they arrived at the door.

"Sheriden!" I gasped as kendall let her and James in.

"hello paisley, its really good to see you" she said walking over and giving me a hug.

"my God, its really Good to see you too... Look at you, you look amazing" I said smiling, it was true she looked so well, last I had seen her she was so skinny and frail, but now she looked so healthy. Her skin glowed.

Kendall gave Sheriden an almighty hug too,  
I looked at James he smiled at me.  
"come here pais" he said as he wrapped his big strong arms around me.

"I'm so sorry I let you down, its not going to happen again" he said as he squeezed me.

"don't be silly James, you had a lot going on" I replied.

The boys hugged and the four of us sat down and caught up on everything.

Sheriden showed off a very expensive looking engagement ring, she beamed from ear to ear.

Then kendall told them how he had proposed to me on top of the Eiffel tower, and told the amusing story of how I flatly refused him.

Sheriden looked at me like I was mad until I explained exactly how the story went,  
"it wasn't how most people would get engaged, for starters, we were both pissed, and had the giggles, then kendall noticed that another guy looked as if he had proposed to his girl friend . So kendall had decided to drop to one knee in the freezing cold in front of everyone and say  
"paisley prince, will you be my wedded wife".  
When I pointed out to kendall that that is along the lines of what is said at the actual wedding he got the giggles again, and said "oh yeah... Fuck" then lost his balance and somehow fell from his one knee to his face in a matter of seconds."

"I didn't even reply, he just stood up and walked away. Like he saw something shiny, he just fucked off" I laughed at the memory and sherden tutted at kendall while james had a little chuckle.

James excitedly told us about a boat trip him and Sheriden, were taking with Carlos and Mackenzie. Kendall had got excited over this news too, and asked if maybe we could tag along.  
Sheriden seemed happy with this, I don't think she liked Mackenzie that much, she did however feel that she could make a lot of money from her looks, and explained that Mackenzie was taking part in her new fashion show.

James and Sheriden stayed around kendalls chatting with us for ages.

I really liked Sheriden, she was funny and caring, I loved how James and her would be so intense. They were madly in love with each other.

Kendall returned back to filming big time rush, they had a lot to get through that couldn't be done because of James 'being ill'

weeks flew by and the day we all left for Florida to go on Carlos' boat arrived, it was really fun, we all met up at the airport, 7 of us in total, Logan said his date had stood him up, but I think he was put off bringing a random with him after what happened at my party with his last date trying to steal things from my house.

we all buzzed with excitement.  
Sheriden and James got flanked by the paps, they were still Americas hottest couple right now, the media that surrounded them with everything that had happened recently was crazy.

The big time rush fans hated her. She eventually had to delete her twitter account because of all the hate she was receiving over the engagement rumours.  
They hadn't told anyone but the papers had speculated over the ring she now wore.

Mackenzie and Carlos looked cosy as she sat on his lap in the departure lounge. I hadn't seen her since before Christmas, Carlos locked her away with him whenever she visited, but we had caught up on the phone a few times.

she had told me that her and Carlos had taken things to the next level. I was pleased.

As we took our seats on the plane, kendall gave me a nudge I looked at him, he had his 'I'm going to fuck you face' on him.

He looked so fucking hot.

"pais... Mile high club?" He whispered.

"no fucking way... We would both get banned from flying wouldn't we?" I said.

"I dunno... " he moaned and turned back to his magazine.

"kendall don't get in a strop" I said.

Great now I had to sit next to moody kendall.

As take off began I noticed Sheriden across the isle was crying, she had a sick bag in her hand, and looked terrified.

I wonder what had happened, James just smiled at her.

after take off the seat belt sign went off and I went over to Sheriden, I crouched down next to her seat.

"hey all okay? What's up?" I asked.

"she is fine, just being a baby over taking off... What's the matter with grumpy over there?" James asked as he looked over my shoulder at kendall with an arse face on him.

I looked over too, kendall looked at us then slammed his magazine down on my seat and walked off to the toilet.

"fuck sake... Something ridiculous as usual" I said loud enough for him to hear as he shoved passed me in the isle.

James rolled his eyes.

A flight attendant came over with a glass of water for Sheriden, I moved from my position to let her take my space.

I sighed. Fuck it, its worth getting in trouble if it means he isn't in a mood all weekend.

I went back to my seat. I was just about to break one flying rule so why not break another, I text kendall '30 secs, open up ;-)' I wrote.

He replied back 'yay'

So I walked up to the toilet gave it a little knock and it clicked open, I snuck inside.  
I did notice James giving his head a little shake at me, as he noticed that kendall still hadn't returned to his seat.  
I smiled at James then got in and locked the door.

"your so fucking miserable when you don't get what you want kendall" I said as I unbuttoned his jeans.

"all I want is you though baby... Be quite pais for fucks sake" he smiled .

I took my jeans completely off and jumped in to kendall, he held me around his waist as he fucked me. It was really naughty, the hard part is going to be the getting out of the toilet with no one seeing.

kendall was bouncing me on him really fast, quickness was the key here I guess, I had my arms wrapped around his neck, and kissed his lips.  
As we got down to the nitty gritty I had to stretch my arms out to either side of the small toilet walls to hold myself up to help kendall out. It felt great.  
I felt kendalls stiffness inside me get harder, the feel of it sent me to heaven. Kendall reminded me to be quiet, he slowed me down as he came too, gently rocking me on him. We had a little kiss before I cleaned my self up on the loo then put my jeans on.

I poked my head out the door, luckily Sheriden must be feeling really rotten as the flight attendant was still with them. Kendall and I hurried out of the toilet with no one really noticing.

Logan gave me a wink from his seat behind mine though as i went to sit back down. My face reddened.

"better?" I said to kendall as we Sat down.

"yeah that was... Different, can tick plane off our list now" he chuckled.

I gave him a kiss. His cute little dimples smiled at me.

"love you baby" I said.

"love you to pais" he replied.

Once in Florida it didn't take long to get to Carlos' yacht, it was huge, nothing at all like I expected. We all boarded the boat and I noticed kendall give me the look again, I just laughed at him, he laughed back.

It was a cool January day, still warm but out on the ocean it would get chilly with the breeze.

We sat in the large cabin, it reminded me of the tour bus.  
Carlos took his position as captain, James had decided he wanted to see how it all worked too, so he was up there with Carlos.

Logan had his head stuck in his phone texting, so did Mackenzie.

It struck me then that this may not be the fun trip I had first thought of.

"kenz get off your phone" I nagged handing her a glass of champagne.

"huh..." She replied "oh sorry, one of my friends is having a few relationship problems, I'm just being helpful" she replied.

Sheriden said she didn't drink any more... All the more for me I guess.

Sheriden seemed to be a bit miffed, I ended up just chatting away with kendall in the end.

"are you going to swim with me when Carlos stops the boat" I asked.

"maybe, is it a normal swim or a skinny dip?"

"depends on how much champagne I get through" I laughed.

James, kendall, Sheriden and I all went out on the deck. It was really beautiful. But cold, after we had a Good look round and taken the piss out of Carlos and his captains hat, we took some pictures of us all,

Sheriden had a moan that everyone was on phones still and not talking. Mackenzie and Logan who sat opposite eachother in the cabin just ignored her moans.

I looked forward to doing a panoramic picture later on my phone when every one had loosened up.

Sheriden had now got her phone out, and was texting, then Mackenzie sighed before putting hers in her bag.

"Sheriden!... I have a question for you" Logan said as he too put his phone away.

Sheriden just looked up at him and gave a sarcastic smile.

"How much money do you have?" Logan continued.

James now looked around from his seat near Carlos to listen in on what conversation Logan had started.

"on me? About 40 dollars...oh and a two pound coin, but that's for luck" she replied.

Logan smiled "you know what I mean how much are you worth?"

"Logan!" James moaned.

"no its okay James. Logan why don't you just google it, I'm sure its on wikipedia" she said smugly.

"I have... I don't think its correct" Logan retorted.

"Logan why are you googling Sheriden, that's a bit weird, even for you" James said smiling

"no its not, are you honestly telling me no one has googled someone else on this boat" Logan argued.

"I've googled all of you" Mackenzie said

"yeah but Kenzie that's different, your not a celebrity" Carlos called from the front in his captains seat.

"okay hands up who has googled Sheriden" Logan asked.

Everyone apart from James and Carlos put there hands up.

"in my defence I only googled you that first time I met you on that Florida photo shoot we all went on" kendall said.

"how much money did google tell you I had then Logan?" Sheriden said, they seemed to be having some odd arguement.

"90 million" Logan said.

A whistle that sounded like a bomb fell out of kendalls lips.

"so do you think wikipedia is wrong that I have less or more money" she asked calmly.

"I don't know, that's why I asked, you must have a fair bit to buy a nine mill house and not even bother to live in it" he replied, his eyes looked satisfied that he was annoying her with his topic of conversation.

"okay... modelling alone made me around 70 Million, make up contract 3 million, advertising 5 million, model management made me 12 million to date, my skiing accident... The insurance I got was 17 million, I've done 6 big magazine shoots since I've been with James, each paid us just under a million each

I've recently bought shares in Nascar too, I'm hoping to make a pretty sum from those soon also" she finished

"so your worth over 110 million dollars I gasped at the knowledge.

She shrugged.

"why did you want to know Logan... " she said her voice had changed to a more friendly tone.

"just wanted to know if your actually happy. Does that much money bring happiness" Logan asked.

"not always no, you would know I was lying if I said money had solved all my problems... James makes me happy, if I didn't have the money to be who I was, I never would of met him" she concluded.

"so if you knew that someones life was happy with out that amount of money, would you try and persuade them otherwise? force the money on them?" Logan said with a grin on his face.

"I don't think money is needed for happiness Logan, but it depends on if the money would enhance their life as to wether I would recommend doing something to earn it"

I looked at kendall, he didn't seem to have a clue what was going on with those two either.

"Logan what's all this about?" Sheriden added with a smug look on her face.

Logan raised An eye brow, obviously something had happened between them that Logan wanted to make a spectacle of Sheriden but keep the reason private.

"I just wondered princess that's all... Its an insane amount of money" he replied.

The champagne flowed, only Carlos and Sheriden stayed sober.  
We ended up at some nautical place in the middle of the ocean when Carlos turned his motor of and declared it eating time, the yacht boasted its own little kitchen, James made a load of food.

Mackenzie didn't look well, I don't think she was enjoying the sea air one bit. She was very quiet. Carlos handed her a plate of food but she then cupped her Hands over her mouth and ran to the toilet.

Carlos laughed, he was so childish all the time.

I rapped on the door and asked if she was okay, she came out .

"yeah I'm fine, I didn't think I got sea sick, but I guess I've only really been on a short ferry journey" she said taking a sip of water that Logan handed her.

"kenz come and have a swim with me, that will perk you up" I said

"its gonna be freezing out there paisley your insane" she replied

"come on, you only live once" I retorted to her boringness.

"I'll go in with you paisley. Let me finish this first though" James said eating his food.

"pais if you get your tits out I will go with you" kendall said.

I laughed, "is that the deal then?" I asked him.

"yeah, boys are topless, girls should be too" kendall said smiling.

I looked at Sheriden she shrugged, I don't mind, everyone has seen mine anyway seen as you have all googled me" she laughed.

"well today just got a whole lot more fun" Logan chirped.

"Mackenzie come on, it will be a laugh, all mobile phones and cameras will be put away" I looked at Logan as I spoke. He grinned at me.

Mackenzie went and sat next to Carlos who slung an arm around her.

"pais yours are massive, I'm not sure if I want to get my little ones out" she laughed.

Carlos nudged her.  
"hey once your modelling takes off after sheridens show you could get a boob job" he said still eating.

"Carlos... " Mackenzie said, slightly offended.

"what? I'm only saying" Carlos said.

"there not even small Carlos... Surely you have noticed that... Mine aren't real kenz, nor are sheridens" I said sticking up for her.

"oi I never said mine weren't real... That's between me and my surgeon" she laughed.

"she hasn't even told me" James laughed, "I can't see a scar"

Sheriden looked at kendall then put him in a headlock before he could open his mouth, obviously being a boob man kendall must of beaten it out of her when they had been a couple.

"my lips are sealed Sheriden" kendall laughed as he unhooked her arms from around him.

She smiled back at him then walked out on deck, everyone stood and watched her for a minute then she stripped off and jumped in.

"heyyy... Go Sheriden" kendall said. James got up and walked out, he was talking to her from the deck so she must be okay.

"Mackenzie if you don't then I'm not, and you will spoil this entire trip for me" i said...


	55. Chapter 55

**MACKENZIES STORY**

Logan text me 4 days before I was due to go on the boating weekend with Sheriden, James and Carlos.  
Apparently paisley and kendall were also going now, I didn't really mind that.

I hadn't had any contact with Logan for a few weeks now, so the text was a surprise.  
He said that he had been invited on the boat with the others, would I prefer if he didn't go?

Naturally I said I hoped he would go. I did Miss him, there was a lot of things I still wanted to chat to him about, but getting back to just friends would be beneficial to us both.

unfortunatly one text led to another and it wasnt long before things got a little out of hand.

"do you miss me?" Logan wrote

"yeh. and what you do to me" I replied.

"it was great hu" he responded.

"the best Logan... I mean tht :-)" I wrote back.

"Carlos not as good ?... Poor u ;-) x " he replied.

"its gud, jst not you. wud u do it again if we was left alone?" I asked

He took ages to reply to this text. I thought I had fucked things up but he did respond half hour later.

"hell yeah!" He replied

This then turned in to a lot of phone conversations, taking place at various times of the day.

It was nice, I could talk to Logan about things Carlos just changed the subject to, mainly sheridens modelling show that I didn't want to do.  
He would be supportive, offering to talk to them for me, but I always refused.  
I told him about my sex life, I was honest, Carlos was really good at delivering a fantastic orgasm but it was the same story, he would tire himself out and be asleep in minutes, he could not do what Logan did and be ready to go again, I think Carlos would die of exhaustion.

Logan told me all about his house, and his new furniture he had ordered. He said it was unlikely he would be able to move back in until the end of march, so he had another 8 weeks in a hotel.

The day we all flew out to Florida was daunting for me really, I was excited but Carlos was like a small child at Christmas.

I had stayed at his house the night before, the flight was at ten in the morning to get us all to florida.

Logan clapped eyes on me at the airport. He said a little hi, but I noticed Sheriden gawping at me, so I just sat on Carlos' lap.

The flight was entertaining, Sheriden it seemed had a huge fear of flying, her and James sat in front of us.

She was begging James to let her just drive to Florida, but he said by the time she got there we would all be back in California.

She actually started crying, James just laughed at her silliness.

Logan was sat opposite Carlos and I, behind kendall and paisley, but Carlos had the nearer seat I couldn't really see him all that well.

I did manage to make some small eye contact with him, he wiggled his Iphone at me. I got my phone out of my bag, he had sent a load of text messages my way, most consisting of how cute I looked. Or that he caught a glimpse of my boobs when I bent down earlier.

I smiled, I had to turn my phone off though because of take off.

After the flight we got cabs down to the Marina where Carlos' boat was.

My mouth fell open when I saw it, Carlos had shown me pictures, but this was mental.

I felt a nudge as we all piled aboard the boat. Logan had poked me in the back.

"text me" he whispered.

Once on board and Carlos was happy sat in his seat working out how to drive the boat I got my phone out, and read my messages from Logan.

"your beautiful" was the last one he had sent.

"your gorgeous" I sent back, I looked at him and he smiled, but he didn't look away from his phone.

"is Carlos turning you on with that hat" he messaged

"lol no, ur turning me on, you make me wet ;-)" I replied.

"mmmm stop it or you will give me a Boner" Logan text back.

I had a little laugh to myself. Sheriden looked over at me and huffed.

"see Sheriden is her usual joy full self :-P" I messaged

"yup, she really is a cranky btch wen ur on the wrong side of her. She hasn't spoken 2 me for days" logan text back

"really? She hates me, Carlos won't hear anything against her tho" I replied

"dnt wrry bout it kenz. Tell her to stick that show up her arse" was his reply.

"I cant now, spent last week showing my replacement how to work the client bookings on the computer in the salon :-("

"kenz... ur daft. Is Carlos worth it all?"

"I dnt know" I replied.

Paisley had a little moan at me being on my phone but I just gave her a bull shit excuse then got back to texting to Logan.

"you deserve better Mackenzie" Logan typed.

"better? Like what?" I text back

James, Sheriden, kendall and paisley went outside on the deck.

I looked at Logan, he smiled at me. He was perfect.

He went back to his phone "I dnt know. jst better" was his reply that came through.

"you perhaps?" I replied being brave.

"sounds amazing " he text back

"knew you loved me :-P " I tapped in my phone.

I looked at his face as he read my text. He smiled.

"maybe... I want to be alone with you kenz" he put back

"how?" I replied just as everyone came back in the room and sat down.

"i will think of something when bck in Cali" he replied.

"sounds good. Look at sheridens face. She is miserable lol" I wrote.

Logan did look up at her he tapped away on his phone again "bet that is her cum face lol" he replied.

I couldn't not laugh, Logan had a smile on his face as he heard me.

My phone was on silent, as was Logans, but my message icon came up before I had a Chance to reply to Logan.

It was from Sheriden "it doesn't take a fucking genius to work out what u two are doing... Think of Carlos, Mackenzie!" It read.

I sighed but text Logan one more time "she has rumbled us. gotta go 3 u"

As I put my phone away Logan started up an odd conversation with her, I couldn't figure out why at first, but then realised it was his way of letting her know he wasn't happy about about what she was making me do.

Logan was right, my life was pretty perfect, I enjoyed it, why should Sheriden mess around with that to gain profit for herself.

I began to feel sick after that, I got sick on long car journeys if I read books, I guess the same must happen on boats when texting. Karma is a bitch.

By the time James had finished cooking food halfway into our trip I felt terrible, I wish I hadn't drunk so much champagne.

I ended up being sick in Carlos boat toilet.

Paisley came to check on me, I did feel a bit better now my stomach was empty.

I sat with Carlos while paisley talked me in to going topless with her for a swim.

She basically threatened me that if I didn't then she wouldn't either and I would of ruined her trip by being boring.

Also Carlos had pissed me off by saying I could have a boob job.  
I liked my breasts, there was nothing wrong with them, they would just look a lot smaller with all the fake ass shit that was parading about.

"what do you think Los?" I asked Carlos who hadn't actually said if he minded me getting my tits out in front of his friends.

"I don't mind" he replied

"fuck it okay" I walked out to the deck and stripped of to my bikini bottoms and dived in.

Paisley was in next with kendall, Logan said he would pass, Carlos sorted something out on the ladder then jumped in.

It was freezing. but good fun, after twenty minutes Carlos and I had had enough and got out.  
Paisley and kendall were looking very intimate by the side of the boat after Sheriden and James got out. I think it was pretty obvious they were doing it, the rest of us went inside to get changed. The cabins were tiny, it was going to be a snug night on board this boat.

Once everyone was out of the water and warm and dressed, Carlos started up his engine again and headed off to another place where we would be spending the night.

Kendall got his guitar out, and sang some songs. He really did have a lovely voice even though I didn't really like him.

James and Sheriden were cuddled up together under a blanket.  
After kendall had finished his song Logan asked of he could borrow the guitar.

Kendall handed it to him, and Logan handed kendall his phone and asked kendall to record it for youtube.

"what are you going to sing logues" paisley asked.

"Jason Mraz, I won't give up" Logan replied.

"oh sweet Jesus" Carlos called from the front of the boat as he listened in from where he sat " Mackenzie plays that song all the time, I can't stand it now"

Logan just laughed, he gave me a smile.

He nodded to kendall to press record.  
Logan sang.

He was amazing, I could feel my heart shatter in to a million pieces.

The chorus was so touching in that song. At least between Logan and I.

He didn't look at me at all, he closed his eyes a lot of the time or looked in to the camera.

I felt so emotional.

Once Logan had finished and the camera had stopped rolling.

I stood up, I needed some space.  
"excuse me a minute" I said as I rushed outside to the deck.

The air was cool out here, my skin got goose bumps.

Sheriden and paisley came out to see me  
"you okay kenz? Feeling sick again?" Paisley asked.

"yeah... yeah a bit sick,.I'll be fine in a minute." I replied.

"its okay pais I'll look after her, you go in its freezing" Sheriden said.

Paisley did go back in and Sheriden came and leaned on the rail next to me looking out to the sea.

"am I seeing things,.or did I just witness Logan singing you your song... You have a fucking song? Jesus Mackenzie what is going on... What is wrong with you!" She hissed.

"so what we have a song, it played when I was with him once, it doesn't mean anything" I said.

"no the song doesn't but the fact that your listening to it all the time and now Logans singing it to you, I think that that means something" she shouted.

Logan came out on the deck, he handed me his jacket. "all okay ladies" he chirped.

I put the jacket on. It was still warm from him and smelt like him. I wrapped it round me tightly.

"no every thing is not okay, your singing her love songs in front of her boyfriend... Logan, I know this is a dumbass question to put to you, because your such a fucking whore, but are you in love with her" Sheriden spat out at him.

"yes... I am" he simply replied

"fucksake, this is ridiculous, what about Carlos?" She said

"no I tell you what is ridiculous Sheriden, is you forcing her to do something that she clearly doesn't want to do. she is not doing that show, I can tell you now, and you know why, because you would never let Carlos know that you knew about this for all this time on the condition that you could make a few bucks, because we all know that you don't need the money now don't we. How do you think Carlos would feel if I told him now that you said you would keep it a secret to earn pointless money for it huh" Logan finished looking Sheriden in the eye.

"just because you know about it doesn't mean its got anything to do with you. Now fuck off" Logan added.

Sheriden stared at him for a long time before walking away back inside and sitting next to James under the blanket again.

"come on, its freezing" Logan said ushering me back in.

"feeling better?" Paisley asked.

I nodded and sat down, then I hitched my legs up and layed down, I pulled Logans jacket in so tight and closed my eyes hoping it would stop tears from falling down my face.

I pretended to be asleep, but I just listened in to everything going on around me, I felt the engine stop then Carlos came and sat next to me, they all chatted amongst themselves for ages laughing and joking. Paisley sounded really drunk, Carlos was up and down like a yoyo going to the toilet.  
It pissed me off that he couldn't sit still for five minutes.

"Los what is the matter with you, that's the tenth time you have been in there"  
James laughed as Carlos got up again.

"I dunno, it hurts when I piss, I'm going to get to a doctor tomorrow when I get back" I heard him say.

The rest of them laughed at him. Carlos eventually settled down and spent the evening chatting away with his friends while he rubbed my leg.

"Los don't you think you should get her in to bed, she could do with a good sleep" kendall said.

The next thing I knew I was being lifted up and carried away to my little cabin.  
I opened my eyes as Carlos layed me down.

"kenz did you want to get changed" Carlos whispered.

"no I'll just stay like this" I said clinging on to Logans jacket.

"Okay baby. Sleep tight, I love you" he said

"love you too Los" I whispered back.

The next morning everyone apart from Carlos and Sheriden had a hangover.

Paisley looked like a bag of shit. I got up and sat on the little sofa seat in the boat.

The journey back to the Marina was a quiet one, only paisley, Carlos and I were up and out of bed.

I just wanted to go home.  
Once the yacht had docked back in Florida Carlos was desperate to see a doctor, he was in a fair amount of pain, James said it sounded like cystitis, he would probably need some antibiotics.

he got an appointment but he was going to miss the flight with the rest of us.  
I did offer to stay with him but he said he would only be an hour behind us.

So I boarded the flight, after take off Logan came and sat next to me.

Sheriden was a few rows behind us this time so we could finally have a decent chat.

"you okay kenz" he asked

"yeah I'm fine, this weekend was fucked up though huh" I said

"Kenzie, about what I said yesterday... I meant it, I don't honestly know what it means at the moment but I do know that I meant it"

I looked at Logan "I'm glad, I don't want to be with him anymore Logan. He is great but I feel I'm only with him for who he is...what he used to mean to me, I tell him that I love him but I never mean it, but if I told you that I loved you... Well I dunno" I replied.

"try it..." Logan said.

"I think I love you... I know I love you" I replied.

"did you mean it?" He asked.

"yep I think I did mean that... Logan that song, it was beautiful, I need you to know that It meant a lot to me" I said

"what's going to happen Kenzie... What do we do?" He sighed.

"I don't know Logan, I'm pretty screwed now though, I have no job, no show... My happy little life is not so happy right now... Oh fuck!... " I said a bit to loud, people turned and looked at me, the foul mouthed red head.

"what's up?" Logan asked.

"Carlos has my phone on him... What of he reads all my messages... Shit!" I said

"oh fuck... Kenzie you idiot..." Logan said.

"I'm sorry. I just forgot, " I replied.

"its okay, its alright, don't worry... Shit" Logan said.

the flight dragged, Logan checked his own phone constantly, but he had nothing from carlos to indicate that all wasnt well.

As we went through arrivals James tapped me on the shoulder.

"Mackenzie, Carlos just text Sheriden, he said he is one hour behind, he asked if you would wait to see him before you got on your flight home" he informed me.

"oh right... yeah sure okay" I replied.

"your welcome to come back to mine and wait for him" James said.

"oh okay ... Yeah thanks that would be great" I replied.

"well kenz if you prefer we could go grab a bite to eat then I can take you to James'" Logan offered

"really? yeah that sounds good" I agreed.

Sheriden just stood next to James with out saying a word.

Logan took me off by my hand, it felt nice to hold it.

We got to Logans car in the airport parking lot and he drove us to a little bistro to eat.

"Logan what's going to happen... With us?" I asked.

"I'm not sure Mackenzie. What do you want to happen?"he asked.

"what I want and what I get are two very different things logues" I sighed.

"humour me" he insisted

"okay well the romantic side of me wants us to get together, but you have warned me enough times that that won't happen, so I'm left with option b, just hope you dont get bored with our sex" I explained.

I do want us together kenz... I've had you stuck in my head since day one. I didn't realise that I would feel this way. maybe do the honest thing and just tell him... We need to get a wriggle on, Carlos will be back soon... Eat up" Logan said, I couldn't tell if he was avoiding the subject

"when I get back to Idaho will you give this back to Los" I said handing Logan the charm bracelet.

Logan gave me a sad little look, but took the bracelet.

We finished our late lunch and drove to James' house.

Carlos wasnt there yet.

"Logan why are you here, Carlos doesn't want to say good bye to you..." Sheriden snapped.

"no but he probably wants to say a few things" Logan spat back.

"what? why?... Have you told him?" Sheriden asked.

"Carlos has my phone, I expect he has seen some texts... That's why he Doesn't want me to get my flight home yet". I explained.

"serious? Mackenzie are you fucking dumb or something... Why are you fucking about with Logan. Carlos won't dump you the moment a pretty blonde walks passed him... Logans gonna!" Sheriden shouted.

Logan looked pissed off "Sheriden... Princess, look! we have been friends for years, I have always been there for you, always... You have made some seriously shit decisions in that time, not one have I ever judged you for. I spent weeks listening to James go on about how much he loved you when you were with kendall, James fought to get you, he didn't give up, he risked everything. Look at you both now... Let me fight for Mackenzie." Logan said, he took my hand as I stood next to him and gave it a squeeze.

"Logan... Fuck sake. me and James are different..." Sheriden started but Logan interrupted.

"yeah I get it, I fucked up because I've gone behind Carlos back. I'm sorry about that but its done, I can't change that, I can't change how I feel, she isn't in love with Carlos. I know he is your brother but I would hope to think that we are all family by now Sheriden. Please princess." Logan pleaded " I'm not asking for you to like it, I'm asking for you to not judge me" he finished.

as Logan finished talking the doorbell chimed. Logan gave my hand one last squeeze then let go.

James answered the door.

Carlos bounded in, he looked furious.

"can I talk to you in private" Carlos said to me.

His hands were balled in to fists and he was shaking with rage.

"maybe its best if you calm down a bit Los" James said

"no, I won't calm down a bit, she has been lying to me the entire time..." He shouted.

"Carlos I'm sorry" I said beginning to cry.

"sorry? Why the fuck did you lie? If you knew... Jesus Mackenzie I even asked you, you said you was safe" he shouted.

Sheriden looked at me, she pulled a tissue from a box and handed it to me. "Carlos what exactly has happened?" She asked.

"that dirty bitch has given me chlamydia" Carlos spat.

"chlamydia?" Sheriden repeated

"yes she lied to me, said she was a virgin, told me she was safe... Mackenzie are you actually on contraception, or are you trying to steal my money by trying to get pregnant?"

I was wailing now, Sheriden stood next to me, I think it was more to get in the way from Logan who looked in shock but was about to throw an arm around me.

"how do you know its her?" Logan asked.

"Coz she is the only one I've not used a condom with" Carlos answered.

Logan sat down, Sheriden put her hand on his shoulder.

"Mackenzie are you using contraception?" Carlos shouted

"yes" I screamed

I went to walk out the door, I felt humiliated but Carlos shoved in front of me "your not going kenz, I want the truth. Why have you been lying to me and fucking people behind my back"

Sheriden came in between us "Carlos just calm down okay" she said.

"Sheriden get out of my way this has nothing to do with you" Carlos said grabbing her wrist.

"Carlos let go of her now" James said

"tell her to fucking move then!" He replied.

"Carlos if you hurt her, I will hurt you, are we clear" James said now putting his own hand on sheridens wrist to make Carlos let go.

"I just want to know who I've been dating... "

"Carlos ... I'm sorry, I didn't... know okay, please I just need... to go" I cried out my breathing uneasy

"yeah you need to go to a doctor and get your self cleaned up. Your fucking disgusting Mackenzie" Carlos shouted.

"Carlos shut the fuck up" Sheriden shouted back at him.

I couldn't breathe, "Carlos can ... I have my bag ... please"

Carlos still had the carry on bag from the plane over his shoulder, it had my phone and my inhaler in it.

"no your not having anything until you explain what's been going on" he said

"Carlos don't be a twat" James said.

"I need my inhaler ...Los please" I begged.

Carlos took the bag from his shoulder and unzipped the compartment that my inhaler was in. He took it out.

"what this?" He waved at me, it then fell to the floor and he stamped on it.

"Carlos what the fuck" James said.

I just started crying harder.  
Now panicking

"Carlos your a Dick" Logan said getting up.

"Mackenzie cmon, let's sit down and calm down okay" Logan said guiding me back to the L shaped sofa.

"its all fucking made up any way" Carlos grunted.

"I think you should leave" James said but Carlos just sat down on the sofa.

"kenz listen remember before, after the fire yeah, we got through that, breathe with me, cmon" Logan said his voice calm.

I looked at him, his eyes looked sad. I couldn't believe he had given me chlamydia, and I had gone and given it to Carlos... What a fucking mess.

"Carlos can I have a word please" James said.

They both walked out to the kitchen and James shut the door.

"Logan you fucking idiot, you've given everyone an std... Way to go" Sheriden said.

"I didn't know I had that did I... fucks sake, kenz I'm so sorry... How's your breathing?" Logan asked me.

I nodded, I was okay

"Kenzie I can't tell you how sorry I am" Logan kept saying.

"look Carlos is going to be back in a minute, he has no clue about Logan, I think you should both keep it that way" Sheriden stated the obvious.

"I need some fresh air" was all I said.

Sheriden opened up a load of windows

"I'm gonna talk to him..." I said.

Logan looked at me, he didn't know if I was just about to make his world come crumbling down or not.


	56. Chapter 56

**SHERIDENS STORY**

what a complete fuck up, here sat Logan and Mackenzie both riddled with chlamydia, because Logan can't keep it in his trousers.

"Mackenzie listen, you do need to talk to Carlos but this isn't just about you and Logan now, I've tried my hardest to keep these boys together through some real bad shit... You know what Carlos is like, he will fly off the handle. I've done the wrong thing by you about that show Mackenzie, I promise I will fix all of it if you save this band from falling apart. Please just think about that" I said to her.

She just looked at Logan, I hoped to God that she liked him enough to forgive him for giving her an std and not pull the plug on the entire band, James loved this job

Carlos came back in the room with James.

James kind of gave me the look to say he had fixed things. That's the best quality about my beautiful James, he was always so calm and calculated, it was difficult to not listen to him when he spoke sense.

"I just want to know the truth Mackenzie" Carlos said as he sat down.

Mackenzie took a minute she looked at me, then turned to Carlos.

"I was a virgin when I met you, everything I told you is true Carlos, I got drunk on new years eve and had a one night stand... I'm really sorry, I had no idea I had a disease, if I did I wouldn't of done what we did. I'm sorry,.I messed up." she said.

"see that's more bull shit kenz... You knew you had it, you said sorry before I told you, stop lying, what are you trying to protect? You don't have any dignity left" Carlos said to her.

Mackenzie started to cry again.

"my phone is in that bag you had... there are text messages on it, I thought that you had read them, that's why I said sorry... The text messages are from my sister about new years eve. I thought that is what you had seen... I had no idea I had chlamydia... Jesus... I'm so sorry Carlos.  
I was drunk, it was a massive mistake. I didn't mean for any of this" Mackenzie lied... She was good, even Logan looked surprised

Carlos just sat there.

"why didn't you just tell me" he asked.

"tell you I had cheated before we had even got together properly, how do you think that would of ended Los"

"I don't know what to do Mackenzie. I love you..."

Mackenzie looked at Logan quickly.

"Carlos I can't be with you any more" she said

"so you give me an std but its you that finishes with me anyway, are you still with this new years eve guy?" Carlos asked her.

"I'm not with anyone apart from you, but in the last few minutes I have seen a side of you that has changed everything. You just smashed my inhaler, the thing that potentially saves my life, you just called me disgusting, you wanted me to get a boob job yesterday, and both you and Sheriden forced me to lose my job that I love, to do something that holds no interest for me because you can't handle me being a nobody and Sheriden is just a complete bitch. I want nothing more to do with any of you. My life was perfect before I got muddled up with you, now I've got nothing but chlamydia to show for it... Could I have my phone please... with out you stamping on it, I would like to go home" she screamed at Carlos then stood up.

James eventually got the phone out of the bag for her and passed it to her.

"can I have a lift to the airport please James?" she asked standing up

"yeah course" james replied looking at me quickly

Mackenzie didn't say anything else she just walked out the door.

I looked at Logan. He didn't look any more relieved, I think it took a lot of effort for him to not run after her.

"Carlos I'm sorry" I said just as James had left the house.

He didn't say anything.

"just give her a few days, I'm sure she will calm down" i said, not knowin what else to say

"what's the point... She is just a slut" he answered.

Logan looked fit to burst. I prayed he could keep his mouth shut and not ruin the lies Mackenzie had just told.

"she is right too of course, I did want her to be some one important, what's the point in going out with a random girl when better ones are out there, she was shit in bed too..." He carried on.

"Carlos...don't be out of order, your not like that are you?" I said.

"I didn't think I was, why do I always fall for the bitches? Shit I can't believe I smashed her inhaler!" He said as he got up and picked the small cylinder up and collected the plastic casing that was now in pieces.

"yeah that was a dumbass thing to do Los... You seriously need to grow up, that girl is 19 and she is more mature than you" Logan argued.

I looked at him but he wouldn't make eye contact with me.

"what if she does a Kacey and goes to the papers, they will have a field day about me getting chlamydia... She's gonna need the money now she doesn't have a job... Oh God I bet she will to pay her rent on that shit flat" Carlos said to himself.

"for fucks sake Carlos... Stop thinking about yourself. She isn't going to sell her story, she doesn't give a shit about money or stuff... Don't you get that? she is a nice girl, with a good heart. Her flat isn't shit either" Logan ranted.

"well she snapped up the nine hundred dollar charm bracelet I gave her Logan... That will be on Ebay soon I expect"

"fuck this shit, I'm outta here" Logan said and headed for the door.

"Logan wait up...!" Carlos called.

"what Carlos!?" Logan said moodily.

"how do to know that her flat ain't shit?" Carlos simply asked.

"...seen pictures...I'm going. Bye"Logan said.

"its you isn't it? she was with you all over Christmas...? Carlos said as logan reached for the door handle.

Logan stopped where he was, he looked up to the ceiling for a second then turned around to face Carlos.

"yes. it was me... " Logan admitted then received a well deserved punch in the face.

His nose was bleeding, but he laughed at Carlos " here you go..." Logan said as he pulled out a charm bracelet from his pocket. "we were going to tell you, she gave me this to give back to you... She didn't want it... She preferred the song I sang her that will live forever on the internet" he chirped.

"Logan no" I begged, but that was it, they went at each other. The sounds of flesh being hit made me feel sick.

"Carlos please" I shouted "get off him"

there was nothing I could do apart from watch in horror. I couldn't intervene, if I got knocked down I could do my self a lot of harm from my back and bone problems i had.

James would be ages yet

"Carlos... Stop it," I screamed things were getting smashed all over the place.

Logan wasn't just taking it like a man either, he literally was fighting for Mackenzie now, why couldn't he of just kept his big mouth shut.

I phoned kendall  
Please pick up, please pick up I thought as it rang. I had started crying myself now, both boys where splattered in blood.

"hello" the phone answered.

"kendall thank God, please come round, its Carlos, he is trying to kill Logan, James isn't here, I don't know what to do..."

"fuck is that Coz of Mackenzie?... Sheriden do not go near them, I will be round in a minute" he said.

"thank you" I blubbed.

The line went dead. All I could do was move things that could be a hazard,

"she never even loved you" I heard Logan say, then I heard another crack to the face, Carlos' tee shirt had been ripped, then Logan ended up being pushed in to the lounge window and ended up pulling the blinds down.

"Logan please stop it" I begged. He did look at me but then got a punch to the stomach, which made him doubled up.

Carlos then kneed him in the balls, and Logan was down.

Logan must of lost the plot, he was rolling around on the floor cupping his testicles laughing while Carlos was hurling abuse at him .

"you think your something special Henderson... You fucked my girlfriend and infected her... Its sick!" Carlos shouted. He had calmed down with the fighting until Logan spoke his next words.

" no... You wanna know what is sick?" Logan asked not really wanting a reply. "the fact my house burnt down while I was screwing her in my bed... But she was worth it" he laughed as he lay on the floor.

Carlos went berserk, Logan was getting kicked in the stomach over and over. Kendall walked in just in time to see Carlos kick Logan in the face.

kendall dragged Carlos away through the kitchen.

Logan looked scary, I wasnt even sure if he was concious, blood was oozing from his mouth and nose now thanks to that final blow to the face.

I knelt down. "Logan... Fuck, are you okay?" I asked stroking his hair back as he lay on the floor .

"never better" came his mumbled reply, he didn't even bother to open his eyes.

" 'as he gone?" Logan spoke, his voice sounded odd.

I was shaking. "yeah kendalls taken him, Logan get up... Please" I begged.

Logan smiled, his teeth all blood red.  
"why did you tell him Logan?" I said trying to pull him up by his arm.  
He wouldn't budge.

"I'm sorry princess" he said then run his tongue across his teeth making sure they were all in tact.

"logues can you sit up?... Is your head okay? Carlos went mad... Should I get you to a doctor?" I said tears streaming down my face.

"I'm okay princess... Just need a minute that's all... Promise" he said.

I sat on the floor next to him with my legs crossed.

kendall walked back in looking slightly dishevelled, it looked like Carlos had tried to take his anger out on him too.

"come on buddy let's gets you up" kendall said.

I moved out of the way, and kendall helped Logan to his feet then sat him down on the sofa.

"fuck... Carlos did a number on you huh!... " kendall took a good look at Logan.

"Logan I think we are going to have to take you to the emergency room" kendall said

Logan groaned and waved a hand to say its not necessary.

Kendall looked at me "did he fuck Mackenzie?" Kendall asked me

I nodded "how did you know that?" I queried.

"paisley had this housewarming party, I saw them sharing a moment outside in the corridor... Sheriden are you okay, you look pretty shaken up?"

"yeah I'm okay... Its not just sex, he is in love with her so he says" i raised my eyebrows as i spoke to kendall

Kendall looked at Logan and gave him a smile.  
"In love logues?... Did I hear right?" Kendall mocked him.

Logan smiled back, he wasn't really with it, his head was lulling about. "I must look awful if your calling me logues" he slurred out back to kendall.

Kendall patted Logan on the leg  
"I'm just going to make sure Carlos is ... Okay" he said pointing toward the garden.

"okay... Thanks kendall... For coming round, I dread to think what would of happened if you didn't" I said.

"anytime Sheriden" he smiled then walked back through to the kitchen and disappeared in to the garden.

"Logan, when James gets back we will take you to see my doctor, its very private there, you can lay low with me and James until you look normal again" I spoke softly.

He grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze. Then he rested his head on my shoulder.

"don't you go falling to sleep Logan" I said stroking the side of his face as he rested on me

Logan gave a tiny chuckle "Sheriden just in case I die, will you tell me something..." He said weerily.

"logie I don't think your that bad to die, but don't fall to sleep... What did you want to know?" I asked humouring him.

"are they fake?" He said,

I looked down and realised Logan was coping an eyeful of my cleavage.

I laughed "you still have you're sense of humour about you huh" I mocked.

Logan didn't say anything, but I felt a smile on his face with the hand I used to stroke it.

James walked back in after a few moments

he eyed the bloodied and beaten Logan first, scanned me to make sure I was okay and in one piece, then he surveyed his living room, with the broken blinds on the floor and things scattered about that had been knocked off shelves, the pool of blood that ruined his hypnotising swirly rug.

"fucksake... That secret didn't last Long then?" he said

James came and had a good look at Logan.

"Logan can you feel your face pal" James asked.

Logan nodded

"okay good... " James said.

"James is he going to be okay, Carlos went mad" I asked.

"his face doesn't look right" James said still looking at Logan.

"Carlos kicked him" I explained.

"what in Logans face?" James asked.

I nodded.

"Jesus! Where is Carlos?" James said.

"in the garden with kendall, I called him to separate them, there was nothing I could do"

"well Logans going to need to get to a hospital Sheriden, he isn't in the best shape" James clarified.

"Logan are you awake?" James said loudly.

"yeah I'm here" Logan whispered.

"bro we're gonna have to get you in the car okay, can you walk" James asked.

Logan nodded then sat forward, once up he wasnt very steady on his feet, I put one of his arms around my shoulder to help him out.

Carlos stormed back in the living room with a frantic kendall behind him.

"you see what you've done!" James said to carlos.

"yeah and I'm glad, cmon Logan let's finish it"

"oh Carlos for fucksake... Grow up" I said.

Carlos lunged at Logan again, but this time James stopped him.  
"right think about it!... That is your sister and my girlfriend attached to him at the moment. If she gets hurt because of you, I swear to god I will tear you apart" James said.

He looked like he meant business too, James is a lot taller than Carlos, at this exact moment in time he looked dangerous.

I made the decision to turn my back and walk to the car, Logan tried his best to not lean on me, but he was in such a bad way, we walked through the door and went out to the drive.

James came out and helped Logan in the back of his truck.

"I've told kendall to stay there with him for now. Last thing we need is Carlos blowing things up even further. When we get there I will help him in then come back here if that's okay with you" James' said

"yeah course, shit I can't believe this has happened... " I said more to my self than anyone else in the car.

"did Mackenzie say anything?" Logan asked from the back.

"yeah she did... She said she will call you when she is home" James answered.

"James your going the wrong way, take him to my clinic, it will be more private" I said as I noticed James took the wrong turn.

"he needs a hospital Sheriden, they would just send him there anyway" James said.

I turned to look at Logan, his once very handsome face was now a mess, one eye had completely shut. He was covered in blood.

"James is he gonna be okay?" I asked.

James gave me a sideways glance "he will be fine Sheri... He just needs to get fixed up" James said looking at Logan in his mirror.

"Logan you alright back there?" James said loudly.

"I think I'm gonna be sick" Logan answered.

"okay buddy hang on..." James said then pulled over.

James got out and went round the back, he helped Logan sit at the edge of the car, he puked his guts up.

After a few minutes Logan said he was good to get back in, James got back in and started the car.

"James...?" I asked.

"he's fine... Concussion or something... His face is fucked Sheri" James whispered.

I looked at Logan, all I could see was blood and swelling. I felt scared for Logan.

We finally arrived at the hospital, luckily an eagle eyed receptionist saw us walk in and helped Logan in to a wheel chair, we got taken through and placed in a cubicle.

"I'm going to go back and see Carlos Sheri ... Your sure your okay here" James asked.

"I'm fine... don't hurt Los will you James" I said.

James gave me a kiss and strolled out the cubicle.

I sat in a chair and listened as Logan gave the nurse all his details. He was woozy, but still coherent enough to answer her questions.

"will you call Mackenzie for me princess" Logan asked as the nurse left us alone.

"course I will" I said looking at him, I could now see what James had. Logans face didn't look right at all... Jesus Carlos what have you done?

Logan eventually got taken down to have his xray done.

A nurse came in while i waited and smiled at me.

"I asked Mr Henderson what had happened to him. He said he didn't know. I'm a bit concerned if he honestly can't remember or if he is covering up something... Would you be able to shed some light on the matter... Obviously he didn't walk in to a door!"

"no I don't know, I just found him like that" I lied.

She eyed up my blood splattered shirt then made her own assumption and nodded then walked out the room.

Logan returned soon after.

"Logan I've said I don't know what happened, what are we going to say, obviously something has happened" I asked as the nurse that wheeled him in walked away.

"its fine don't worry, I said I fell down the stairs, they didn't believe me of course, she asked if I wanted to get the police involved, I just said no... Don't worry, Carlos has escaped prison" he sighed.

I shook my head, Logan was right, Carlos could get in to a ton of shit for this. I sighed just as a doctor walked in.

He held his clipboard in his hand like he was god with the holy grail. He looked at Logan like he was wasting his time.

"Mr Henderson?... okay..." He said reading through his papers. "well you have a fractured cheekbone I'm afraid, you have one just under your right eye, and one surrounding your eye socket. "

"Everything else is fine, no other broken bones, your ribs are going to be very tender for a while." He looked through more notes then looked at Logans face.

"what's going to happen ? How do you fix that?" I asked.

" surgery in this case. You will be taken down within the next hour Mr Henderson. Its very simple really, hopefully if its as simple as we hope it will hold back in position on its own and no pins will be needed" the doctor said.

Logan looked at me in horror, he seemed very alert now at hearing this surgery news.

"your going to cut my face open?" Logan asked.

"only in the hair line, if we can't do what we need to from there then it will be in the area just under your eyelashes... If pins are needed then a cut on the inside of the mouth is the best place... Scarring will be minimal, don't worry about that" the doctor said.

He asked a few more questions then left us to it.

"well this sucks" Logan said

"yeah it sure does... Why did you tell him? You know what Carlos is like... This is fucked Logan..." I said

We sat in silence for a while, Logan looked like he was dozing in and out of sleep.

I text James  
"what's happening your end? Logan has to have surgery. Broken cheekbon "

I didn't get a reply.

A nurse came in and asked me to step outside while she got Logan ready to go down to theatre.

after a few minutes she opened up the curtains and said she will be back in a second.

Logan was in the hospital bed now.

"be safe logues okay... Love you, I will call Mackenzie"

Logan smiled at me. I think he had realised the consequences of his sleeping around habits now. He looked emotional.

"thanks princess" he choked out.

The nurse returned with a porter, I gave Logan a kiss on the head and they took him away.

Shit... This is messed up.

I sat back down and dialled Mackenzies number.

"Sheriden, I've honestly got nothing to say to you" she answered her phone with.

"I'm afraid I've got some bad news Mackenzie. Things turned ugly after you left, Carlos was slagging you off and Logan just got wound up..." I started saying.

"what's happened?" Mackenzie asked.

"Logan is in surgery at the moment ...Carlos... He... He" I started crying at the memory of it.

"Sheriden... What? is Logan okay?"

"Carlos smashed his foot in to his face...he has a broken cheek bone, he is okay though Mackenzie, he is really battered but he is okay. I'm here at the hospital waiting for him to get out of theatre"

"oh my word... " Mackenzie said I could hear her voice shaking.

"maybe you might want to think about coming back to LA? If that's what you want of course" I said.

"... yeah... Yeah, can you tell him I will be back tomorrow... I need to sort somethings out obviously..." She said.

"yeah that's fine course I can, if you want give me a call and I can pick you up from the airport..." I offered.

"I will be fine... Thankyou any way, what hospital is he in?" she asked.

I told her, and said I would text her the ward he would be in as soon as I knew myself.

She didn't ask me to pass any message on to him.

I sat there and waited for Logan to come out of surgery.

It was taking ages, I was eventually asked to move from the little cubicle and shown to a family waiting room. I waited ages in there too.

Surely it didn't need to take this long.  
I tried phoning James but still no answer, paisley had text asking for an update, obviously kendall had let her know what had happened.

A doctor finally came in the room and sat down. i must of been waiting for 3 hours.  
It wasnt the same doctor as before.  
"Logan is out of surgery now, his facial bones are holding nicely, but he did have a few complications during surgery... " the doctor explained. "Logan had an allergic reaction to the anaesthetic, he got in to some difficulty breathing. He is fine but is suffering from pulmonary edema, which is some fluid on his lungs at the moment" he finished.

I didn't really know what that meant.  
"what does that mean then? Is he okay?" I asked feeling like an idiot.

"He should be fine, he may look pale when you see him and he has an oxygen tube in his noise which is helping to clear it up, he needs to be kept calm though." The doctor informed me.

"can I see him?" I asked

The doctor said I could see him and took me to where Logan now lay in his hospital bed.

He was awake, kind of. he looked worse than before, his breathing sounded awful, like when you suck the last part of your drink through a straw. It was a horrifying sound. I sat next to him in the chair and cried holding his hand.

His skin looked blue more than pale.  
Poor Logan. Whatever he had done he didn't deserve this.

I took a picture of him and sent it to Carlos.  
Hopefully a dose of reality will help him see sense.

I noticed Logan looking at me, he didn't seem to have the energy to talk. It was so sad to see some one so full of energy be reduced to this...

i tried to make him smile"I saw some hot looking nurses logues, your in your element here" I smiled, he smiled back.

"I phoned Mackenzie, she is going to get a flight back here tomorrow, she was very worried about you" I said

Logan just squeezed my hand as a Thankyou.

Logan dozed in and out of sleep. I felt so sorry for him.

My cell phone rang, it was James.

He said him and Carlos are out in the parking lot. Apparently my picture had worked a treat and Carlos was beside himself with regret. I told him where we where. He said he won't be a minute.

Both James and Carlos came in wearing baseball caps and glasses,

Carlos looked unscathed from what I could see, I hoped he had escaped any facial bruising, it wouldn't take a genius in here to work out who beat up who.

I got up from my chair and buried myself in James arms. Carlos took my seat, he took his glasses off, he had a swollen eye. I looked up to James, he kissed my forehead.

Carlos was really beside himself.  
I told him that Logan was going to be fine, but I don't think he believed me, looking at Logan now he didn't look like he would ever be fine.

As time ticked on we were eventually asked to let Logan get a good nights rest.

James dropped Carlos off at home, I gave him a hug, he didn't deserve one but he didn't mean to cause what had happened either, he was still my Carlos. I said I would phone him.

I got home and went straight to the bedroom, I couldn't bear to look at the blood with the mess any more, James snuggled up on the bed with me. I text Mackenzie all the details I knew, then text paisley all the updates I had.

I fell to sleep thinking about Logan.


	57. Chapter 57

**MACKENZIES STORY**

I had only been back in Idaho for less than a day and I was already back at the airport ready to fly back to LA.

Sheriden had text me last night and informed me of what ward logan was in.  
she told me to brace myself when I saw him.

I had gone down to my local clinic yesterday when I got back, I hated knowing that I had something wrong with me.  
I was given a 7 day course of antibiotics to clear up the infection and told not to have sex until I had finished the course.

I was fairly embarrassed but the ladies at the clinic were really nice.

I used to have a reasonable stash of savings in my bank account, the constant flying to and from Los Angeles was definitely taking a good chunk out. Flights alone cost around 300 bucks. this was going to have to be my last trip out here for a while.

I arrived at LAX just before lunch. I got a cab straight to the hospital.

I found the private room that Logan was in, I knocked first then walked in.

I should of braced my self more, I was expecting bruises and bandages, I wasn't expecting this whatsoever, he had an oxygen mask on him, all sorts of drips and things attached to him. The noise that came out of him was distressing enough let alone how black and blue his face looked. Sheriden walked over to me.

"hey Mackenzie... You okay?" she asked opening her arms for a hug.

I just started crying, I was in total shock. Sheriden hugged the life out of me.  
"its not as bad as it looks kenz" I heard a familiar voice from the side of the room.

"you did this?..." I sobbed now looking at Carlos.

"Carlos maybe you should step outside for a while" Sheriden said.

Carlos gave me a sympathetic look then left.

"why is he here?" I blubbed to Sheriden.

"he is wracked with guilt... Mackenzie, Carlos broke bones but he didn't do all this. Logan had an allergic reaction to the anaesthetic, that's why he is so bad... I couldn't tell you by text. but he is going to be fine" Sheriden said.

"is he just sleeping?" I asked looking at Logan.

"yeah, he was awake earlier. He hasn't talked much but he is all smiles. Go and say hello" she said like it was the easiest thing in the world to do.

"I'm not so sure I can Sheriden" I whispered.

She smiled at me then walked over to Logan, she gave his arm a squeeze.

"logie, you have a visitor" she said.

Logan slowly opened his eye, the other was sealed shut and swollen. He smiled at me.  
Sheriden walked back, she took my wrist and led me to the side of his bed.

"hey handsome" I smiled, tears still spilling from my face.

Logan rolled his eyes at my bad choice of opening line. I could only see the one eye roll but he gave me a smile.

He reached out for my hand which I took.

He took the mask off his face.

"thanks for coming back" he rasped  
Then placed the mask back on his face.

"that's okay logues. I'm so sorry, this is all my fault. I should of been honest with Carlos. I can't believe he did this to you..." I said.

Logan shrugged his shoulders.

"Mackenzie, I'm just going to pop home, your welcome to stay with James and I if you like" Sheriden said

"thanks but I will be fine" was all I replied to her.

She smiled regardless and walked out.

"Logan you look terrible... Does it hurt as bad as it looks" I asked.

Again he took the mask of his face "no...I'm hardcore Kenzie" he smiled "where are you staying tonight?" He asked.

"I don't know yet, I came straight here" I answered.

"can you grab my wallet for me, its just in there" Logan rasped pointing at the little draw on his hospital bedside.

I got the wallet out and handed it to Logan, he opened it up and took a card out and handed it to me.

"what's this?" I asked

"its the key card to my hotel... I would like it if you would stay there kenz" he smiled then put his mask back on.

"are you sure?" I asked.

Logan nodded.

"Thankyou" I said bending down and giving him a kiss on top of his head.

"have you told them about the infection? I'm on antibiotics" I said.

Logan nodded.

He got tired very quickly, and kept nodding off to sleep.

I sat in the chair and stroked his hand, even that was bruised and cut.

Carlos walked back in after a while.  
"has Sheriden gone?" He asked.

"she has gone home for a while, I think she is coming back later" I replied not making eye contact.

"'kay" he replied then walked out the door.

I didn't want to lay eyes on Carlos pena again for as long as I lived. I hated him.

I waited for Sheriden to come back, then made my way to the hotel where Logan had been staying.

It was a nice room, fairly standard, I dumped my bag down on the floor and slumped in to the bed.

I could smell Logan on the sheets, it smelt lovely and filled me with fun sexy memories.

I lay there for a bit, wondering what to do.  
I didn't fancy watching TV, my mind was to busy to concentrate on much.

I called paisley and asked if she was free to come round, naturally she jumped at the chance. I expect she wanted to pick my brain of all the sordid details of mine and Logans affair.

within the hour she was round, she had brought round a bottle of wine and a box of chocolates.

We sat on Logans bed, the TV was now on, I decided to put it on to avoid awkward silences, but we drank and ate and talked about recent events.

"so do you love Logan kenz?" She asked.

"yeah I think I do, he has this connection with me, I'm so sorry if I've messed things up for everyone, I did as Sheriden said and lied my way through it, but it was Logan that lost his cool in the end" I tried to explain.

"kenz its fine, you don't have to explain to me, if it was a choice between Carlos and Logan I know who I would choose, Logan is adorable, I know he has his faults but he is really something you know, I've always found it hard to get along with Carlos...personally I'm happy that you two are a thing" she said.

I smiled at her.  
She never mentioned the chlamydia topic, so nor did I.

"how long are you in LA for?" She asked.

"I'm not sure, its going to be my last trip down for a while, money is running low" I admitted.

"well I'm sure Logan will come and visit you once he us up and running" paisley said.

"really? Do you think he will? I'm just worried everything is starting out so bad, how can we possibly make a good go of things?" I said.

"Kendall and I started out completely wrong kenz, he was still in love with Sheriden when I first slept with him, I know we're not perfect but I could never be without him now" paisley explained.

I don't get the whole Sheriden thing... Everyone always goes on about how fab she is, but I really don't see it pais... She is just a bitch in my eyes" I aired my feelings.

"I used to think the same, but she is really nice, she bought my car for me, well her and James did. James is lovely" paisley boasted.

"what the BMW? They bought you that? That's insane, no James is weird, he is friendly on his own but when he is with Sheriden its like they bounce off each other. I don't like it. " I explained.

"no James is wonderful, he loves Sheriden so much, I wish kendall loved me liked that. They don't bounce off each other, they kind of connect, they always know what the other is thinking, I love it" paisley said.

"nope not buying it, he is weird, she's a bitch, Carlos is ... Well I don't even have a polite bad word for him right now..." I started.

"and what about kendall... What do you think of him?" Paisley asked with a grin on her face.

"kendall ... Is a big mouth Dick pais'. Honestly, I can't stand him. I'm sorry" I said.

Paisley laughed. "its okay, I call him a Dick all the time. He isn't the same person I met really. But I actually like how we are. I know we argue a lot, but we make up a lot too. Honestly its the best sex ever, what's Logan like?" She asked.

"I think you have a secret crush on my Logan paisley prince" I laughed "but he is . . . All I ever wanted. He is amazing" I gloated "and he is hilarious, he makes me laugh all the time. He is never unhappy... I think that's what made me lose interest in Carlos, Carlos was too in touch with his feelings" I explained.

"yeah he is a bit of a girl, he has pulled some right strops, have you ever seen him and Sheriden go at it. Jesus! Its a cat fight!" Paisley laughed.

We talked about old memories and new ones. She left just before nine in the evening.

I was Very tired I had hardly slept last night. I got one of Logans shirts out and wore that as a night shirt. I missed him, not being able to talk when I wanted him, needed him.

I had a crappy nights sleep again, i got up majorly early. I went down to the hospital before visiting hours hoping I would miss everyone else.

I walked in Logans room. He was sat up, and watching TV. He didn't have the scary mask on anymore. He looked so much more awake but a lot more bruised.

"hey beautiful" he chirped.

He sounded so much better,

"hey yourself..., look at you, you look almost a picture of health" I said with a wink.

"come here..." He said opening his arms for me, I snuggled in to him gently, he wrapped his arms around me.

"you okay?" He whispered in my ear as he cuddled me.

I pulled away "yeah are you?" I said now looking in to the one beautiful brown eye that I could see.

He kissed me, I gently stroked the back of his head as I welcomed his kiss. Despite his face being so battered and bruised his kiss was still entrancing.

"I am now" he smiled then kissed me again.  
given another time and place the kiss that Logan and I currently shared would of been one to start off a series of sexual events, but seeing as neither of us could have sex, and I doubt Logan was currently up to the challenge, he settled on just the most seductive kiss I've ever experienced.

"did you sleep okay?" I asked

"like a log. I've not slept so much in months, it was actually quite nice" he laughed.

"you sound so much better Logan, you really scared me yesterday"

"I'm sorry beautiful... Hopefully be allowed home tomorrow, I'm having another xray later, but they are pretty impressed with me" Logan said with a smile.

"are you going to the hotel when your out or is Sheriden taking over?" I asked.

Logan smiled "you have Sheriden pretty much summed up huh, she did ask if I wanted to stay with her and James but I just want some time alone... With you" he added

I gave him another gentle kiss. "Logan I'm going to have to be honest, I'm not sure when I'm going to be able to get back here after I leave, maybe once your bruising has gone down you could visit me?" I said with high hopes.

"yeah that sounds good kenz... The long distance thing is going to be hard ay?" He said

I nodded.

"but not impossible..." He added squeezing my hand.

I smiled at him and he pulled me down for another delectable kiss.

The door opened and kendall and Carlos walked in. I don't think I've ever moved so fast away from someone, as I did from Logans lips.

"ah fucks sake" I heard Carlos mumble, but he stayed and just walked over to the window and stared out of it.

"hey Kenzie, your here early" kendall said.

"yeah was hoping to miss the crowds" I said looking at the back of Carlos' head.

Kendall smiled "I think your not the only one that had that idea.

"where's Reno?" Logan asked kendall realising paisley wasnt with him.

"oh she got asked to do a sample on a David Guetta track. This should be massive for her. She left with James early this morning to record it" kendall said beaming with pride at paisleys achievement.

"that's good. James has finally got his act together and looking after her then" Logan said.

"yeah finally... She got offered a label with Sony last month, and another came through from RCA, but she won't leave James. I said she is stupid, but she said not really because she knows James can be trusted" kendall shrugged.

Logan nodded "Carlito... You come all this way down and your not going to Say hello" Logan said now looking at Carlos who was still stood staring out of the window.

Carlos turned around,

"you look better" he said to Logan.

"yeah I feel better... I was just saying to Mackenzie I should be out by tomorrow" he said.

"well I'm sure SHE will love that" Carlos replied, I could feel his eyes boaring in to me.

"Carlos... I am sorry, we are sorry, aren't we Kenzie?" Logan said.

I didn't move or say anything, I didn't feel sorry for anything apart from Logan being put in hospital.

"yeah she looks it... Kendall ... Honestly bro, I wish I had of been more supportive for you when James stole Sheriden" Carlos said.

Kendall looked at me, he didn't seem to want to be dragged in to this.  
"Los, Sheriden and... Everything was completely different... I don't want to get involved in this"

"how is it different, you of all people I thought would understand how I felt" Carlos said getting angry.

"Carlos Sheriden was pregnant, I cheated on her, she didn't cheat on me, I'm not talking about all this with you... Its done, I get how you feel but your not innocent in all this at all so don't go thinking that you are just because your the one left on your own" kendall said to him.

"how long was it going on for? The entire time?" Carlos asked me.

I looked at the edge of Logans bed, I didn't want to look at Carlos he disgusted me.

"Christmas day, and then new years eve I went to Idaho for a few days" Logan admitted.

"you went to Idaho? you said you went to Texas? I spoke to her on the phone, were you just laughing at me the entire time?" Carlos said.

"no... No course not, we just got caught in the moment" Logan explained.

"you can't get caught in the moment when you drive all the way to Idaho Logan, you plan the moment... How did you plan it? She said she lost everyones number in the fire?"

"Twitter" Logan replied

"she doesn't have an account... oh I see... Its just been a bunch of lies. Everything has been a lie. Did you actually ever mean it when you said you loved me?" Carlos directed his question at me.

"tell me!" He shouted at me.

"I thought I did... At first, but no, I'm sorry Carlos"I said.

Carlos nodded, he didn't say anything

"do you know what Carlos? what I did learn from what happened to Sheriden and I was that girls come and go, but us four... You, him, me and James... We are brothers dude, it needs a line drawn under it" kendall said.

kendall then pulled me by my hand and out the door.

"I don't think I should leave him with that idiot" I said as kendall shut the door and we stood in the corridor.

"Carlos won't hurt him, he spent the last two nights crying like a baby over it all" kendall said.

"do you want a coffee?" He asked.

"yeah I guess" I replied.

I sat down on the seats outside Logans room, kendall walked up to a coffee machine and came back and handed me my drink.  
He sat down next to me.

"I'm sorry I said what I did on thanksgiving Mackenzie. I was pissed of with paisley, you got caught in the line of fire" kendall said.

I smiled "only took you eight weeks to apologise. Don't worry about it"

"do you think that Carlos will forgive Logan for this?" I asked.

"hopefully. But Carlos does like to make a big deal out of everything. Don't feel to bad though. I hope that things work out with you and Logan, be a waste otherwise" kendall said

"yeah it will be. he says he can change, stop all the sleeping around... I guess only time will tell, it worries me, I'm going to be so far away, only get up here at weekends if I'm lucky" I explained.

"well its early days but maybe think about moving out here...?" Kendall said

"to la la land? I couldn't think of anything worse." I stressed

Kendall laughed "you get used to it here, its not all that crazy all the time. Paisley used to hate it but she... Well she has become part of the problem now" he chuckled.

"you think pais has changed?" I asked.

"yeah big time, she had no confidence in her self before, now she has a bit to much. Not that there's anything wrong with that... " kendall added. "she is different with you though, she turns back in to the old paisley."

"I guess I remind her of where she came from... I don't think you need to worry about paisley. She will appreciate everything she gets"

"what was she like when she was younger?" Kendall asked.

I smiled "she was a great friend, always spoke her mind when it mattered, usually when someone was having a go at me... She struggled though. Her family was fucked up. I'll never forget this time that her mom showed up drunk to this class assembly we had. It was terrible, everyone laughed at her for weeks. She kind of went in to herself after that. Turned a bit grungy. I left a few months after I think she got mixed in with the wrong crowd, who can blame her though" I finished.

"yeah she has a lot of regret in her about her home life, she never wants to go back to Reno, its sad really. Not having anyone to share 19 years of memories with... I'm glad you turned up Mackenzie, your good for pais" he said.

I smiled "maybe I got you all wrong kendall, maybe you are a good guy after all"

kendall laughed and ruffled his hair with a hand.

"your hair is out of control, you know that right?" I laughed

"yep, it always is" he smiled.

"I'll sort it out for you if you like, your face is good kendall, you shouldn't hide it behind your hair... Or those eyebrows" I laughed.

"what's wrong with my eyebrows?" Kendall said now running a finger along one.

"nothing, they could just do with a bit of defining..." I replied.

"you want me to turn in to James and get down the beauty salon?" He laughed.

"there is nothing wrong with being able to look your best, besides I bet I could make you look better than James..." I gloated.

Kendall laughed, "okay deal you can sort my hair out... Promise your good?" He said giving me a wink

I laughed, "I did Logans hair"

"oh okay... So when shall we do this?" Kendall asked.

"I have scissors on me, well at the hotel, I don't travel with out them. don't have clippers with me though, but I could scissor something amazing in that" I said having a feel of his dark blonde hair.

"its thicker than it looks huh?" I said still with my hand attached to his head.

"yeah it is..." Kendall said as the door swung open from Logans room and Carlos came out.

I snatched my hand back off kendalls head but it must of looked a bit dodgy.

Carlos looked at us both "Jesus Christ! you know she has chlamydia right!" He said then stomped off.

I sighed and looked at the floor.

"kenz don't take any notice of him, I'm embarrassed to call him my friend at the moment" kendall said.

I smiled and stood up "you coming back in?" I asked gesturing to Logans room.

"Na, I'll hang back for a bit... Give you guys some space" he replied.

"okay... Thanks" I said then walked in to see Logan.

I spent most of the day with Logan, we talked through a load of things, possible problems we will come across, and possible ways to avoid them, he too said about me moving to LA. I wasnt keen but in the Long run I don't think we would survive two minutes if Logan was left to his own devices.

He did say that he loved me. I said it back to him. kendall came in and out throughout the day. Logan laughed when I said I was going to thread kendalls eyebrows.

Out of all the guys I guess Logan was the least preened.

Once Logan was taken down for his x ray I said my farewells to him and left.

Kendall drove me back to my hotel, I cut his hair, and did his eye brows, he looked amazing, his eyes were unreal, I had never really noticed before.

Now his hair was shorter it looked darker and it made his brilliant clear green eyes look out of this world.

"this is great Mackenzie. Thankyou" kendall said as he checked him self out in the mirror.

"that's okay, what do you think of the eye brows? you only needed a tiny bit off but do you see the difference?" I chirped, pleased with the mini makeover I had given him.

"yeah they look amazing" he said giving his newly shaped eyebrows a wiggle.

"hopefully paisley will like it" I said.

"take a picture and shove it on ya twitter" kendall said getting his phone out of his pocket. "what's your name on here?" Kendall said loading up his twitter page.

"kendall I can't... " I whispered.

"what? why not?" He asked.

"well its a bit embarrassing..." I said.

Kendall smirked, "load it up let me see... " he mocked me.

I sighed, but loaded up my twitter account on Logans brand new laptop

I showed him what was on there.

"redcherry huh? ... Your only following Logan kenz..." Kendall got the giggles.

"don't take the piss" I smiled.

"okay well delete all this crap..." He said deleting all the Jason Mraz posts I had sent Logan."you don't want people thinking your some crazy stalker with a pair of scissors in your hand"

He changed all of my settings, starting with my real name instead of the made up one I had put in to hide from Carlos and his constant twitter searches he would do.  
He kept the redcherry though. He followed a bunch of celebrities for me so I didn't look like a sad act,including paisley and all the big time rush boys.

"There you go... Ooh give me your phone" he said holding his hand out.

I gave him my phone  
"okay... Say cheese" he said pointing it at me.

I rolled my eyes, I gave my self a quick check in the mirror then smiled away. Kendall took a couple of pictures, then took one of us both together and then one of his new hair cut.

He sent the pictures to my twitter, used the one of my face for my profile and put the others as posts.

He then took a picture of himself on his phone and sent it to his own twitter .  
"Mackenzie are you ready for this..."he smiled.

"ready for what? I said

"sit down and watch" he said pointing at the laptop screen

I did, I saw the picture kendall had taken pop up on the news feed, on the link it said "amazing new hair cut from the beautiful Mackenzie Davies redcherry. Show her some love everyone."

"what exactly am I waiting for?" I asked.

Kendall was texting on his phone.  
"hang on..." He said

"what are you doing now?" I said.

I noticed James had retweeted kendalls photo, then paisley did too.

"right how many followers do you have?" Kendall asked.

"none" I replied "you know that"

kendall smiled "press f5 kenz"

I did "holy shit! 548 followers" I squealed.

Kendall laughed. "Press it again"

I did "1342... Oh my God"

"I don't think your going to have any trouble finding a job by the time that's finished going up" kendall smiled.

"wow that's amazing" I kept pressing f5. The number of followers I had were going up in the hundreds.

I got the giggles. it was ridiculous.

"twitter comes in handy sometimes... The rushers love the cut too, read some of this" kendall said shoving his phone in my face.

I scrolled down and read all the comments on the haircut I had just given.

Kendall was right, they did all like it. They all said how good and sexy he looked.

"I can't believe this kendall... Its madness." I said as I carried on reading all the comments.

"word of advice don't say anything personal on there. Sheriden has had so many problems with twitter. if people write shit, ignore it don't write back"

I nodded. "thanks kendall... This is amazing"

"so is this" kendall said looking at his hair again in the mirror.

"once Logan re tweets that for you your numbers will go up even more... fortunately for you, your currently dating the most popular member of big time rush... On twitter anyway, he has the bonus of coming from the largest state" he shrugged with a grin.

"you really think I will get a job easy because of this?" I asked.

"yep I guarantee it" he said

I smiled, kendall gave me a hug. We said our goodbyes and he left me alone in the hotel room.

I stayed up for hours watching my followers go up and up, and reading some of the tweets people had sent me. it was gone midnight when it had hit over 7000.

I decided to try and get some sleep.

I had butterflies in my stomach, but I did manage to get some sleep.


	58. Chapter 58

**PAISLEYS STORY.**

I was just on my way back from the most amazing experience of my life.

I had just finished recording my sample on the latest David Guetta track.  
The song was destined to be huge, this was going to be the making of me.

James and I were currently on a little shopping spree before we had to go back to the airport.

He was on a mission, we went through department store, after department store. He was searching for a new rug.

I bought a ton of clothes. I loved going shopping especially when I had one of the boys with me, I felt amazing. Strutting my way next to James maslow.  
It was snowing outside but I still wore my superstar sunglasses to hide from photographers. James had a baseball cap on.

"this is it pais" James said looking at a rather jazzy looking rug.

I looked at him and smiled, I could safely say it was the ugliest rug I had seen in my life.

"Hmmm, its different" I said, it looked like someone had spilt a jar of jelly beans over the rug.

"oh I don't want it in that colour, I want it in that" James said pointing at a sample rug behind on display.

" ahhh... I see, yeah that's better" I said as I looked at the slate coloured jelly bean rug.

James bought and organised the delivery of his new item for his bungalow.  
I found an amazing pair of converse sneakers for kendall.

it was soon time to get on the plane and make our way back to LA. We stopped off at sushi bar in the airport, I had never eaten it before, James insisted to try it. It wasnt really my thing but it beat crappy airline food.

It was late so the plane was dimly lit and quiet.

I read some of my text messages from kendall then relayed the information to James.

"looks like kendall has a house guest for a bit, Logan is out of hospital" I said

"that's good, the last few days have been a total fuck up. Carlos could of killed him... I thought Logan was going back to his hotel?"

"yeah I gather from this" I waved my phone at James "that Kenzie isn't staying long, so that means I'm going to be mother hen, kendall won't look after him, he is a right lazy fucker"

"you two are... Argumentative aren't you?" James said.

"yeah... I don't know why, everyone says it. He wants me to meet his family but I'm a bit nervous" I explained.

"his family are fine... Kendalls brothers are cool" James said

"yeah I've met his brothers, its his mom that scares me, kendall always says how immature I am. I don't want to show him up" I explained.

"pais I don't think you immature, I think your very sensible actually. I think kendall says things to you to get a rise out of you. its a funny habit you two have about doing it" he said

"James..." I laughed "we don't always fight just to do it, sometimes we just do it" I chuckled.

James laughed and shook his head at the madness that was mine and kendalls relationship.

"does it never bother you that Sheriden its so much older than you James, what is it? 8 years?"

james smiled, not wanting to declare his girlfriends age "something like that and no its never been an issue. Sheriden looks younger than some girls my own age... She is sexy as fuck pais" he said.

I laughed.

"what's funny? She is so fucking sexy" James said smiling.

"I've never heard you talk like that before, you are a normal guy after all" I laughed.

James chuckled "I like my private life private, that's all. Although that is very difficult to achieve when Sheriden likes to make everything in to a publicity stunt"

"she loves the spotlight... How are you guys now? Back to normal yet?" I asked.

"normal... Now there's a word... We are as normal a we are going to get. We have discussed all our options and decided that we aren't going to go down any baby route." He said with a weak smile.

"really James? Is that what you actually want, Sheriden said you were talking about surrogacy" I said in disbelief.

"we talked about it. You know seriously talked, and looked in to it. But at the end of the day we both had fears and doubts that we didn't want to risk... I don't want to risk anything that will make her crack again pais, she acts tough but she is scared shitless underneath, her back isn't great still, we decided that it would be easier to know now that we won't have kids than to have years of wondering when." James finished.

"James I know you love her so much but have you really thought about what your giving up for her. I remember seeing you with ... Mia? Was It?"

"yeah Mia... And Michal, they are fantastic kids. To be honest pais I don't think we will miss out, I have my bro and sister to pop out kids, and Sheriden has Carlos and his brothers...I know its not the same, but its what we have that we know is certain" He said.

"certain is good. If only everything in life was certain" I said.

"I'm certain that I love Sheriden. Its always been her, its always gonna be her. She is my world paisley, my complete world... You know she wants me to go to Texas with her to sort some things out from her rented house and meet that Toby guy that's got a thing for her... I don't want to go but I am because its important to her. Just like you meeting kendalls mom is important to kendall" he said with a smile.

"I love the way you can swing your conversations around back to me James... Its a raw talent you possess" I laughed.

"its my job to look after you paisley" he smiled.

"well your the best boss I've ever had. Its fun all this isn't ..."

"you okay pais?" James asked looking at me.

I shook my head and scrambled for a sick bag.  
In the end James got the one in front of him first and handed it to me already open.

I heaved my guts up, I just felt worse as the flight went on. I got cold and clammy. James looked fairly concerned.

"I'm never eating sushi again James" I cried as I yet again yakked my stomach up in a bag.

"pais I'm so sorry... there was me thinking I could sit next to some one on a plane that didn't cry or throw up" he joked.

"ha fucking ha James" I said as I spat in to the bag.

Once we got back in LA I was meant to be dropped of at my own place but James had phoned kendall, and kendall had insisted I go to his. I wouldn't be able to look after my self with food poisoning and with Logan needing looking after too it made sense.

I've felt so cold, kendall wrapped a big blanket round me the minute I got in to his town house. I sat on the sofa, my head felt like shit. But I wanted to talk to Logan, I hadn't seen him since the boat trip.

I sat next to him and he gave me a one armed hug as kendall tried to force some water in me.

James said his hellos and goodbyes after dropping me off then left.

Mackenzie was asleep and resting her head on Logans lap. Logans other hand that wasn't wrapped around my my shoulder gently swept over Mackenzies red hair.

He looked so loved up, it was nice to see.

I had to make the occasional dart to the loo. as well as the sickness my backside wanted a piece of the action too.

Logan looked horrendous, I said to him he did and he made some wise crack joke that he should change his name to Logan horrenderson.  
Kendall found this highly amusing.

I was now snuggled up with my handsome kendall, he looked very pleasing to my eyes with the new hair doo he sported.

Unfortunately my eyes really needed rest, kendall carried me up to his bed. he left his ensuite light on just incase I had to do a late night run for the bath room. Which I did after only being in bed for five minutes. I was still heaving my guts up.

I crawled back in to bed feeling like shit, I was boiling hot now.

Kendall lay next to me looking at me.  
"paisley ... Do you want me to call a doctor baby?" He said gently.

I shook my head.  
"you look so bad babe, what do you want me to do?" He asked.

I just held my hand out for him to take. He did.

I was too hot to be held and too sick to be moved around.

I did fall to sleep, but had odd dreams, that seemed so real. I dreamt I was back in my old house where my mom lived, only she wasn't there, my ex boyfriend Ryan was... Ryan was stood with his back to me in the messy living room, the dream seemed so accurate everything in its proper place, but once I placed my hand on ryans shoulder and he had turned around to face me, his face was all beaten and mushed up. His eye was hanging from his once handsome face.  
I screamed, and screamed...

"paisley...paisley... Pais, wake up!" kendall was saying frantically as he shook me awake.

I burst in to tears at the vision that still lay in my memory. I told kendall about it, he said its just because of Logans face and not feeling well.

It was just gone 3am now. I still felt rough, I layed in kendalls arms for a while before deciding I was going to be sick again.

Kendall came with me to the bathroom this time, he scooped my long black hair out of the way as I made my self look so unattractive in front of him.

"oh my good God, please kendall, go away. I don't want you seeing me a big pukey smelly mess" I howled at him in to the toilet bowl.

"too late now baby" kendall said "do you want some water?" He asked.

I nodded.  
I went back off to bed. And slept again when I woke up next it was morning. Kendall wasn't next to me, I layed there deciding if I felt any better, my stomach didn't, I still felt ill, and I imagined I would still have the runs but at least my body temperature seemed normal.

I walked out the room and down the stairs to the lounge.

"hey pais... Come here" kendall said as he stood up and gave me a hug.

"how you feeling?" He asked as he kissed the top of my head.

"awful, still feel rotten"I replied then sat down.

Kendall sat with me and I just stared at the TV, kendall had a music channel on.

Logan and Mackenzie made there way down from kendalls 3rd floor guest room.

"hey pais, how are you feeling, Logan said you were really bad last night?" Mackenzie asked.

"hey... I'm okay feeling a bit better but don't think I'm ready to eat anything with out it coming back up...how are you Mr horrenderson, this morning anyway? I directed at Logan.

Logan was just easing himself in to kendalls sofa, he was shirtless and his ribs looked like Carlos had kicked two barrels of shit out of them.

"yeah... Feel on the mend" he smiled. Mackenzie gave him a kiss on his good cheek.

"so what's going on with you two? You a couple now?" I asked looking at the both of them.

They looked at each other and chuckled.

"I can safely say that Mackenzie has tamed me, and after a long chat and a lot of persuasion she has agreed to come stay with me for a while, after she has explained it to her mom" he winked.

"what? Your moving in together? That's insane..."I said almost a bit too loud.

"not forever just till I find a job, I've got nothing in Idaho, and after kendall did that twitter thing I've been scouted by so many hairdressers. I mean so many... Its insane how life can flip around here" Mackenzie said filled with excitement.

"it is insane... You two look great together though, how is Carlos handling all this news?" I asked.

They looked at each other, and kendall shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"what's happened?" I asked

"nothing, Carlos is being a tool, he is fine with Logan but he is out of order with Mackenzie... Like really out of order. He called her a slut yesterday when he came over." Kendall said.

"ooh is that what his twitter status was about.?" I asked.

I did notice that Carlos had tweeted yesterday "speak your mind, and free your heart"

"I dunno, he was a Dick" kendall said.

I stroked kendalls leg, then had to get up and be sick.

I felt better as the day went on, and even ate. I still felt delicate.

I think kendall was getting fed up of having a bunch of people lounging around in his house. Naturally it was me he got angry at not Logan.

Mackenzie left the next morning to have the unpleasant conversation with her mother that she was moving in with a boy she had only known for a few months,  
Then explain that its a different boy to the one she was dating and say once his house is re furbished from the fire they will be shacking up together in LA.

After I said bye to kenz I felt rough and decided to go back to bed. I ruffled Logans hair as I walked passed, he was Sat on the sofa watching TV then I made my way up to the second floor back to bed with kendall.

He welcomed me back in to his warm bed and I snuggled in to him, we shared a slow kiss. Which led to some touching but I had to pull away and go heave my guts up again.

I walked back in to the bedroom to find kendall getting dressed.

"sorry kendall... I guess the sushi isn't going away on its own, I'll go to the doctor... I think its the longest I've been in your company and we haven't had sex"

Kendall just shrugged

"what's the matter? Surely you can't be in a mood with me for being ill?" I asked.

"I'm not in a mood, you were fine last night, just wondering if your actually sick or just don't want to do it" he mumbled.

"what? Baby I love you, I can't fake being sick can I?" I said now feeling tearful.

kendall smiled at me, I didn't like it. It wasn't a kendall smile.

"what is it baby?" I asked sitting down on the bed, kendall sat next to me.

"I'm just fed up with all this bickering we do. I can't take it pais" he said.

"yeah I know but its just us isn't it, James said we have worked it in as a way to have sex, he says its odd, but we're not always like it are we" I said taking a sip of water from the glass on the bedside.

"your talking to James about us now... That's fucked up paisley, it pisses me off" kendall said now standing up.

"so your telling me you don't tell Sheriden anything about us... I know you do, I wasn't moaning about you kendall, I was saying that I like how we are... I love you baby"

"yeah I love you too but I just don't know if its enough anymore... The arguments have taken their toll" he said.

"kendall what are you getting at? You want to break up?.. I don't want to break up with you, I love you so much" I said now starting to cry.

"I didn't say that pais, I'm just saying somethings Gotta change" he said not facing me.

"look I will go home, after I've been to the doctors I will just go home okay, give you some space, I'm sorry I make us argue kendall, please don't break up with me" I sobbed then had to go to the bathroom to be sick again.

Kendall followed me in and pulled my hair back for me as I was sick in the toilet.

"pais what's going to happen in the future? Are we just never going to move in together. Logan and Mackenzie have only known each other five minutes and they're moving in together... I'm just starting to worry that things are going to get worse" he said.

As I had my head in the toilet waiting for the next wave of sushi sickness to come over me I knew I wasnt going to win this fight.

"kendall... You said that you were never like this with girls before so the problem is obviously me. I don't want to make you miserable... Is that what I'm doing? Making you miserable?" I said, the toilet bowl making my voice echo.

"I don't know pais... I love you though yeah. Its not something I can turn off, maybe if we had a break, just to evaluate things?"

I sobbed in to the toilet, "oh my God, your breaking up with me" I howled.

Kendall rubbed my back "pais we're not breaking up, I just need some space to think... I love you" he said.

when I had finished puking I made a doctors appointment for the following day and had a cry on Logans shoulder.

"I love him so much Logan, no one ever gets back together after a break... I can't believe this is happening, I thought it was all fine... Is... Is he seeing someone else logue?" I blubbed out

"no he isn't pais, he just gets fed up with being stroppy... I don't think its you, I think its both of you." Logan said.

I heard a beep out front, my cab had arrived to take me back to my apartment.

Kendall came in, he hugged me, I just cried even harder.  
"feel better soon pais... I love you" he said kissing the top of my head.

"I love you too baby" I cried in to his shoulder.

I then left kendalls house a newly single girl.

I phoned James and told him what had happened. He was as surprised as me. He had his own news though. Sheriden had set a date for the wedding.  
It was going to be on James' birthday in 6 months.  
She had planned a huge wedding in Vegas at the Belle point. it must be costing them a fortune.  
I was so pleased for him. But I found it difficult to show it as I felt so lousy.

I cried myself to sleep that night. Kendall didn't phone but he sent me a text it just read "night night pais x x" he always said goodnight to me wherever he was in the world.

I was grateful of that but I didn't reply.

The next morning I still felt rough, I wasnt sure if I would even make it in to the doctors but after I had thrown up I felt a lot better.

I drove my own car,  
what i was told at the doctors was not what i had expected, once out I drove to kendalls. I needed to see him desperately.

I pulled up and banged on the door. He answered.

I collapsed in his arms "do you love me?"I cried... "do you love me?"

"paisley... What's wrong? You know I do!" He said still stood at the door with me.

"if you mean it, say it" I begged.

"I love you pais... " he said.

"kendall I've fucked up big time..." I admitted.

"no you haven't, its both of us, we can work it out pais... I promise" he said.

"no baby, I've fucked up. Kendall... I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..." I blubbed.

I noticed Logan look up from his seat on the sofa.

"what have you done?" Kendall said backing away from me.

"I'm having a baby kendall... We're having a baby" I sobbed.

Kendall just stared at me.  
"your pregnant?" He said.

I nodded.

Kendall came back to me and wrapped me in his arms. "don't say sorry, this is great pais... This is amazing..." He whispered.

I looked up at him with my watery eyes. "really?" I blinked at him.

"really... Its a shock but this is great..."kendall said as he directed me inside his house. Logan got him self up and made his way upstairs. I guess he had heard everything and thought we needed to chat alone.

"did you find this out today?" Kendall asked.

I nodded "just a minute ago, I came straight here. I needed to tell you, I was so scared you would want me to get rid of it. Baby I'm scared... "

"pais Jesus, you know I would never do that. A baby ... Fuck pais this is nuts" kendall laughed.

"I don't know how its happened, I took my pill I promise... Have I ruined everything?" I sobbed.

"no paisley nothing is ruined, this is amazing... " kendall said.

"God I love you so much.. Fuck what is James going to say" I said.

"James...? Shit what its Sheriden going to think?... Paisley your career will be want this don't you" kendall looked at my face "fuck, course you do, pais... I thought you had food poisoning?"

"so did I, the doctor said I may of had stomach flu but I'm about 14 weeks kendall, just didn't notice, I guess everything has been crazy..."

"14 weeks... Shit that was on tour babe"

"salmon"  
"salmon"  
we both said together.

We all had some random salmon dish at the beggining the tour which made us and the entire crew ill, James got put in hospital for the night because he had it so bad.

But the sickness would of cost me my pill, the sickness only lasted a day, boredom on the coach lasted a lot longer, kendall and I had so much sex on tour... Unsafe sex so it seemed.

"paisley... fuck, I can't get it in my head... We are actually having a baby... " kendall said.

"yeah we are... I know things aren't great, I will make them great" I promised

we spent the next hour chatting before Logan came down again. We did tell him but asked him not to tell anyone, including Mackenzie just yet. I felt first people to know apart from kendalls family should be Sheriden.

I'm not sure what she would make of it seeing as her and kendall once apon a time had made a baby that was lost in a car crash.

" kendall... What does this mean for us, like on a break...?" I asked.

"pais, fuck the arguements, a baby means everything to us... Doesn't it?"

"yes... It does... " I cried and kendall took me in his arms.  
The shock was too much for me. I needed a good cry.

"I love you paisley... This will work" kendall said smiling.

My world had completely changed.


	59. Chapter 59

**MACKENZIES STORY**  
I had just landed back down in Portland to meet up and talk with my mother.  
I had practically got through the door to her house, this wasnt going to be easy.

I hung around in the kitchen, I made mom a coffee.

"mom, I have some news actually" I started with  
"what's that then love? Are we going to meet this young man of yours finally?" She asked.

"well, its actually a bit more than that... I'm not seeing Carlos anymore..." I confessed.

"oh Mackenzie, I am sorry..." She sympathised.

"mom... I'm actually seeing someone else now, his name is Logan, he is really nice" I tried to explain.

"the boy from the fire?" She asked.

"yeah that's him, he isn't really very well at the moment, but he is so nice mom. Its kind of serious" I said.

"Mackenzie... Don't go breaking your heart on the first few boys that turn up, your a beautiful girl, let the boys work that out" she said.

"mom... I think they have worked it out. I really like Logan... He cares a lot for me" I explained.

"well is he going to grace us with his presence? This Logan... He is the one that you flew back to see in hospital, how sick is he?" Mom asked.

"well he was really ill but he is okay now, he kind of got in to a fight with Carlos... He came off a lot worse though mom. I would like you to meet him though... He has asked me to stay with him for a while in LA... Just until I find a job"

"he wants you to stay in Los Angeles with him... Move in with him?"

"kind of, its just hard living so far away... It won't be for a while yet, his house won't be ready until march"

"Mackenzie I don't think its a good idea honey. I don't like it that your in boise let alone LA, and what about your sister, she won't be able to afford that flat on her own."

"Mom, I've already said that I would. I really like him, and besides I've been offered some really good jobs out there... This will be good for me mom"

"Mackenzie have you been taking drugs?"

"what? No of course I haven't, why would I take drugs?"

"that Sheriden Lloyd that made you lose your job at Frantz takes drugs Mackenzie, I read the papers ... I really don't like you hanging out with all these people. I think you should put your sister first kenz not a bunch of people that seem cool because they are on TV"

"Mom its got nothing to do with them being famous, its about Logan... Honestly if you met him you would think he is just normal."

"Mackenzie your 19 now, you moved out of my home a long time ago but I don't agree with this. If you go then it will be against my wishes"

"Oh don't say that mom. when have I ever let you down, I've always been sensible."

"I know you have kenz, that's why I know you will make the right choice... Your father would never let you go to Los Angeles anyway"

"dad isn't even here mom, there isn't any reason for me to stay here or in boise"

"Kenz I don't want you moving halfway across the country to move in with a boy I've never met. Its ridiculous and dangerous"

my mother took her coffee and went in to the front room leaving me on my own.

I sighed and tears welled in my eyes. I pulled out my phone and called Logan.

he answered

"hello beautiful, how was your flight?" Logan answered.

"Logan... My mom isn't happy about me going to LA. I don't think I can go" I said sounding tearful.

"I had a feeling she wouldn't be happy Kenzie... I don't really know what to say. I want you with me baby but I don't want to piss your mom off... I love you kenz" Logan said.

"I love you too ... I don't know what to do Logan" I said running a hand across my forehead.

"I wish you never went back now... " he said.

"you and me both baby. Miss you already, did you take you're painkillers?" I asked

"no not yet, they make me feel sick, I'm doing okay though... Kenz, let me talk to you're mom"

"what? No your not talking to her, she will embarrass me" I protested.

"kenz just let me talk to her..." He insisted.

I laughed." No she will think your a pushy Jock, she did want to know when she will meet you though"

"really... Does she know what happened?" Logan asked.

"I said about the fight but not details, I tell my mom pretty much everything, we are really close logues... How is paisley feeling? she looked bad still this morning"

"she isn't great, things aren't great here really, I think her and kendall have split up. She went back to hers earlier" Logan said.

"what? That's nuts, what happened? they were fine?" I asked.

"I'm not sure, I think kendall is just having a downer day, pais went back to bed after you left then she came out crying... Kendall is just quiet at the moment. I'm up in my room, I wanted to give him space" he explained.

" oh God... I don't get it. They are crazy for each other... Logan who is looking after you? " I asked.

"I feel fine kenz, I don't need any one to look after me. I would go back to the hotel but I think I would miss kendalls bath, it works a treat on my ribs" he said.

"yeah and you need to eat right logues, if you went back to the hotel how exactly would you eat, you wouldn't have a kitchen... Logan you worry me... Kendall isn't great at taking care of paisley let alone you" I explained.

We chatted on the phone for ages, my mom walked back in to the kitchen and caught the tail end of my phone conversation.

After I hung up she gave me the third degree.

"Mackenzie did I hear you tell that boy that you love him?" She said.

"mom, don't start..." I nagged.

"I take it that your sleeping with him then? I hope you're being safe kenz, I don't mean to preach but it may look like the easy life to get stuck with a rich boy and make a little family but it won't last" she went on.

"mom! I'm not talking to you about this" I laughed. "that's not what I'm after from Logan or any other boy"

I walked out of the room.

My sister savannah was home, I had a good catch up with her, she was more like a best friend than a sister.

She didn't seem to think too badly of me wanting to desert her in the flat in Idaho. But she did say it seemed very unlike something I would do, and was worried I had Been talked in to it. Which I had, but that doesn't mean I don't want to do it

the three of us did a bit of shopping together and had a nice evening meal. I gave Logan another ring before I went to sleep he assured me he was okay. I did miss him so much.

Again he asked to talk to my mom, even if I did let him she wouldn't change her mind.

I guess I would either have to have a long distance relationship or go against my mother.

Whichever way it went I would end up letting someone down.

The next day Logan called me, he said that he has a surprise for me. I did wonder what it was seeing as he was house bound until his bruising had gone down.  
They had done a really good job covering all this up, or rather Sheriden had. I wouldn't be surprised if she had thrown a lot of money at someone to make it all go away, but I didn't like to ask.

I tried to call paisley to see how she was bearing up but her phone was off.

My sister and I decided to have a pj day in front of the TV watching movies. Mom went out to her job in the bank and came home just after 5pm to find me and savannah in the same place as she left us, but both of us were blubbing wrecks as we had just got to the end of the "note book" with Ryan gosling in it.

My mom laughed at us and began making dinner.

The door bell rang soon after, I heard mom shout that she would get it. A few minutes later she walked in to the front room.

"Mackenzie you have a visitor" she said.

I thought it was going to be one of my friends but as I walked out to the door I saw Logan standing in the porch.

"oh my God... What are you doing here" I said giving him a hug.

"long story" he smiled.

"well come in... " I gestured gently pulling him in by the wrist.

I led him in to the kitchen where my mom had returned to stirring a saucepan.

"mom this is Logan" I chirped.

My mom smiled at him of course it was hard to get passed what he actually looked like, but one side of his face still looked normal and handsome.

"hi... Mackenzie said you got in to a fight... must of been some fight" she said.

"I guess I do look pretty awful right now... But its nice to finally meet you Mrs Davies, Mackenzie always has lots of nice things to tell me about you" Logan said with a smile.

I was beaming, I couldn't believe Logan was here.

"well that's good... Would you like to stay for dinner Logan? We are just about to eat" she asked.

"... yeah that would be great. Thankyou." He replied.

"we should put a bag over your head logues so you don't put any one off there food" I laughed.

"very funny" he replied.

Dinner was kind of awkward, but Logan played it well, his years of being a ladies man were paying off. My mother and sister were putty in his hands"

"may I just ask what the fight was about, for your friend to do that to you?" My mom asked from across the table.

"sure... Basically Mackenzie and I did a bad thing and hooked up when she was still with Carlos. Carlos found out, had a go at her. She got panicky and Carlos decided to smash her inhaler to bits. That's what riled me up. I found it hard to control my temper then once I opened my mouth I found it hard to stop and Carlos ... Did this" he said pointing at his face.

"savannah smiled, it must of sounded fairly Romantic hearing the edited version of what happened. If my mom had of asked me I would of just blurted out chlamydia and ruined everything.

She seemed fairly happy that Logan Had defended me, but I don't think she was about to let me swan off to LA with out a fight.

"where are you staying Logan?" Mom asked.

"I've not booked anywhere yet, I came straight to see Mackenzie, probably the hotel next to the airport though" Logan replied.

"no... Mom, Logan can stay here, can't he?" I butted in.

My mother looked at me with despairing eyes, but smiled sweetly and replied "yes, of course... Logan can stay here the night, there is plenty of room it would be silly to waste money on a hotel, plus It would be nice to thank you for looking after Kenzie over Christmas" she said.

I smiled at Logan.

"its really not a problem to find a hotel Mrs Davies, but that's very kind thank you" Logan replied, he was rubbing his leg against mine under the kitchen table.

"its fine dear, really... Mackenzie said you asked her to move to LA... Isn't it a bit soon for all for that" my mom probed.

"well actually that's why I travelled down here today. I have a job offer for her... In LA" Logan said.

"what? What job offer" I asked, bemused by this spontaneous outburst.

Logan smiled, he got up and walked over to his carry on bag he had with him, he took a piece of paper out and walked back over to the table.

"I have a friend that has just bought this place. It will need a lot of doing up but they are looking for a head stylist. Mackenzie created a bit of a stir on twitter by cutting paisleys boyfriend hair" Logan placed a picture of a worn down shop for us all to see in the centre of the table.

I looked at him he winked at me.  
"head stylist?" I repeated. "that's amazing"

"mom... This is great isn't it... Head stylist" I repeated again.

"that does sound good Mackenzie, but... Well to be honest its not the getting a job in LA that worries me, its where you will be living. I think its far too soon to be moving in together"

"mom!" I said embarrassed.

"no, its fine kenz. Mrs Davies if kenzie decided to take this job she will be living there" Logan pointed to the balconied apartment above the little shop window. "I realise it must be worrying for you, but I have Mackenzies best interests at heart, she means a lot to me..." Logan said.

My mom smiled,  
"its just so far away from me that's all" she said.

"mom I will still come back, just like I do now, it won't be any different, you and savannah can come up to visit me too, we could go shopping and go to hollywood... Head stylist mom... That's amazing for me, it would of taken me years at frants to work my way to head stylist"

"yes..yes I know... Okay well go to LA but you can be the one to tell your father. He is going to hit the roof when he finds out" mom said.

Logan looked at me.  
I felt the need to explain seeing as my dad was no where to be seen. But I would tell him all later.

The evening wore on. I took Logan up to the room he would be staying in. my mom knocked on the door to say she was going to bed, but it was really to say Mackenzie get in your own room.

I gave Logan a quick kiss and went in to my own room that was decorated the same as when I had left school. I loved this room.  
I waited half hour then silently crept across the Landing and snuck in to Logans room.

He was fast asleep, but I crawled in beside him in the little single bed.  
He woke up  
"hey beautiful... You're going to get in to trouble" he smiled

I kissed his bruised face " I don't care logues. I've wish you felt better, I hate seeing you like this" I stroked his bruises "I love you so much it almost hurts you know" my tiredness and the latenight made it easy to speak the truth to Logan.

He smiled at me as I lay next to him, our faces inches from each other. "I love you too Kenzie".

"Logan, why didn't you say about this salon before?" I asked.

"I didn't know about it until last night" he replied.

He looked like he was hiding something  
"oh shit, its Sheriden isn't it... The friend? Logan I'm not doing it..." I moaned.

Logan took one of my hands in his and gave me a kiss on the lips.  
"its not Sheriden" he smiled "its me... I put an offer in this morning which was excepted... The place is yours kenz, your in charge of hiring and firing, I just pay the bills" he said with a smile.

I searched his eyes like he was a mad man.  
"just so my mom couldn't say no?" I whispered.

"are you angry?" He replied

"not angry... I didn't really want you to do that though..." I said.

"Mackenzie I do care so much about you. You make me the person I want to be, and I love you, I've never felt like this before... ever, so you have to forgive me if I have the means of giving you a reason to stay with me in LA and using them" Logan spoke slowly, he looked really tired.

"logues are you okay, you look wacked out?" I asked running a thumb over his battered eye.

he smiled "pain killers... I took them before I got in to bed, they make me sleepy...and feel sick"

"I'm never gong to forgive Carlos for what he has done... Come here, I will make it all go away" I smiled pulling his head in closer for a kiss.

Logan ran his hand along my spine. Neither of us had finished our course of antibiotics yet so sex was a no go.

"you best get back in to you're own bed kenz." Logan whispered.

I shook my head.  
"nope, looking after you logie"

Logan smiled.  
"so when do you tell your dad... Where is he? Can he say no?"

"he can say no, but I'm going. My mom and dad split up last year. He lives in Portland still... Just with his new girlfriend" I said quickly getting the words out.

"how am I only just finding this out now kenz... That is huge, why didn't you say anything?" Logan asked.

"its not as huge as it could of been if I was still living at home, but I find it embarrassing really. He had some midlife crisis or something and ran off with this girl that is 6 years older than me" I explained.

"shit really?... He will come round though, don't people get over those kind of things?" Logan said.

"he might come round but my mom won't take him back, he only told us about heather... His girlfriend, because he had to. they have a baby together now... Its fucked. My mom was heartbroken" I said.

"oh... That is fucked, how old is your dad?" Logan asked

"46, my mom is 38, she thinks its disgusting... It is disgusting" I repeated.

"do you still get along with him?" Logan asked.

"not really, he is still my dad, but I find it hard to forget what hurt he has caused us all. Sean is adorable, he is the baby. Its not his fault so I love him to bits but its so different now... Your parents are split up too right?" I asked him.

"yeah, when I was 8. But I think everything turned out for the best with that. But I cried for so long the day my dad left the house. I'll never forget it" he said reliving the moment in his head.

"we should go visit my dad while you're down here logues. It will piss him off to think I'm dating this beaten up ruffian" I laughed. "they won't have a clue who you are" I added.

"we can do what ever you want to do my beautiful babe... Kenz, the apartment that's above the salon...its ready to move in to now, its just the shop that needs doing up. I thought I might bunk in with you for a bit until my house is ready... Don't tell you're mum that though."he smiled "I can't really stay at kendalls anymore, there is a ton going on for them at the moment"

"yeah that sounds like a good plan ... I tried to phone paisley but she won't return my calls. I hope they work things out" I replied.

"shit I didn't tell you did I... They are back together and have some interesting news" Logan smiled at me from across his pillow.

"really...what news?" I asked.

"well I promised I wouldn't breathe a word but you don't count... Paisley is pregnant... How mental is that? Kendall is so fucking happy, I think something died inside him after Sheriden lost his baby in the crash, but he is smiling so bad I think his face might split in two" Logan grinned.

"oh my God... Pregnant" I whispered.

"mad isn't it... But good though" Logan added.

"she is so young still, I couldn't imagine having a baby now" I said.

"I don't think it was planned" Logan said

I shook my head at the insane news I had just heard. Logan was right it was good... For them as a couple, but wow... Madness.

"kenz, I'm gonna have to try and sleep these tabs off or I'm going to be puking in your moms bathroom, I don't want that... Get in your own bed"

"she won't know I'm here, she is up at 7 for work, my door is shut, your door is shut... I'm staying logues. I'll let you sleep" I said as I buried my head in the crook of his neck.

He wrapped his arms tightly around me.

The next thing I knew I was being woken up by Logan. It was day light now.

I looked at him as he smiled at me, he had woken me up by stroking his fingers on the inside of my arm.

"you have two eyes today Logan. The swellings gone down a lot" I said smiling back.

"it feels better a little bit too, not so much pressure" he agreed.

"you coming to visit my dad with me?" I said as I touched his once gorgeous chest with my fingers. It was now all the colours of the rainbow thanks to Carlos pena... I hated him so much.

"yeah that's cool with me." He replied.

I smiled at him "good... Be as cocky as you like towards him. He won't be nice, he always treats my sisters boyfriends like trash. He will go nuts with you looking like that"

"ooh sounds like a fun day ahead" Logan laughed.

We had a cheeky shower together while my sister was still sleeping, the not having sex thing we still had to keep up was becoming harder as Logan felt better.

But we were behaved, got dressed, ate breakfast and I treated Logan to the delights of my driving skills, in my crappy Honda.

It took around twenty minutes to reach my dads.

"so... You ready for this...?" I said as I pulled up outside the smart new build home.

"I'm ready" Logan replied as he pulled down his cap a little further.

"you may see a side of me that is different once we go through this door" I laughed.

Logan grinned and nodded.

We walked up to the door and knocked.

"will they know who I am" Logan whispered.

"not a clue" I whispered back.

Logan smiled just as the door opened up.

"Mackenzie... We weren't expecting you ..." Heather answered with.

"yeah sorry, it was a last minute idea, I've got someone I would like dad to meet... Is he in?" I asked.

"yeah come in.. Excuse the mess, Sean hasn't been sleeping great, which means I haven't been sleeping great..." Heather said.

"don't worry about it" I replied, the place looked fine anyway.

Logan followed me in, heather hadn't addressed him at all.

Sean was playing on his baby mat on the floor in the lounge. Logan sat on the sofa while I picked Sean up and then sat him on my lap as I perched down next to Logan.

"kev'... Mackenzie is here" heather shouted out in the direction of the kitchen.

"he is cute, how old is he?" Logan asked looking at my little brother sean.

" nine months old now aren't you seany" I said to my brother rather than to Logan.  
I heard Logan chuckle at me.

"hello Macks, what are you doing here?" My dad said giving me a kiss on the cheek

"hi dad, I thought I would introduce you to Logan while he is in the area. Logan this is my dad Kevin.." I smiled waiting for the reaction of when dad saw Logans beaten face under the peak of his cap.

Logan stood up and held a hand out to shake.

My dad froze on the spot for a fraction of a second then they exchanged the shake.

"good to meet you Kevin" Logan said.

My dad just nodded.

Logan sat back down.

"so your from Idaho then?" My dad asked Logan but I felt I should answer.

"no dad Logan is from Texas but he lives in Los Angeles at the moment, that's partly the reason we have come to see you today" I said smiling as Sean pulled on my red hair smiling up at me.

"partly...?" My dad repeated.

"yeah, Logan asked if I would move out there with him and I said yes.  
I've got a job and a little apartment above a salon to live in" I beamed, waiting for him to lose his cool.

my dad looked at Logan and frowned

"Los Angeles?... How long have you two been dating?" My dad asked.

"kind of since Christmas, but we met in November..." I smiled sweetly

My dad shook his head "heather could you take the baby please" was all my dad said as heather walked up and took Sean from me then left the room.

"Mackenzie you do realise this is ridiculous don't you. You're mother will never allow it" he said sternly.

"mum said its fine, but that I had to tell you myself... so here I am" I said tucking an arm around Logans back.

"well has your mother met him" my dad said gesturing to Logan.

"dad don't be rude, Logan is really nice and he means a lot to me... Yes mum has met him"

"yeah Macks he looks nice too... How exactly did you get to look like that?" My dad said almost shouting at Logan.

"I ... had a disagreement" Logan said taking his cap off and letting my dad see the extent of his facial injuries.

"you had a disagreement?" My dad repeated.

I chuckled "dad, he just had a run in with a complete idiot. it was kind of my fault" I said

"so let me get this straight, your moving to LA with this hot head here, that doesn't know how to control his temper... Its not happening Mackenzie"

"it is happening dad, I came here to tell you not ask you, I'm a big girl now.. Sean is you're new baby, not me" I said

"oh I see, your going through some rebellious stage to get back at me... how exactly is that going to look after you" dad said pointing at Logan.

"dad, I mean it don't be rude..." I argued.

"Logan what do you do for a living?" My dad asked.

"I'm in a band at the moment" Logan replied

I had to hand it to Logan he served his purpous well in helping me to piss my dad off, he looked scruffy, beaten and bruised, and now it seemed he was a bum just playing in a random band.

"the bands really good" I agreed smiling at my dad.

"a band... Mackenzie you are not going to LA with this idiot... Its just not happening" he said calmly.

"well dad, its nice that you care and everything to actually give a fuck about my life now but its happening. I'm 19, its not up to you any more." I argued.

My dad smiled " I noticed your bank account has got a little thin on the ground Macks... Is that because of him?" My dad said.

"no it its not because of him actually, I used my savings for flights" I argued

"so how would you afford to get set up in LA if I cut you off?" He smiled.

"is that your answer to everything dad, throw money at it? and now your not getting your own way you're going to cut me off...Do it... I really don't give a shit dad... Take it" I said getting my bank cards out of my bag and chucking them towards my father.

"Macks I'm doing this for your own good, I know his type, look at him... Jesus he is even worse than what your sister drags home with her... I'm not having him spend my hard earned money"my dad said.

"what! how is this now about money. I don't give a fuck about money" I argued.

"because you haven't had to kenz. Don't talk to me like that in my own home please either" he added.

"I will talk to you however I like dad, why do you think I had saved all that money up? It was guilt money from you... I didn't want money, I wanted a family dad. But your too busy having an episode to give a fuck" I shouted standing up now.

"kenz calm down babe" Logan said pulling me back down on the sofa by my waist.

"no logues. He decided to run off with his secretary because he was worried he was getting old, and now he wants to stop me from living my own life to the full... Its bull shit"

"Macks I don't want to argue with you but you must see how this looks honey" my dad said trying to reason with me.

"Mr Davies can I just say that your daughter is one of the most sensible people I've met, she can't be talked in to something that won't benefit her. I promise you that I will take good care of her" Logan tried to explain.

"how old are you?" My dad asked.

"23" Logan replied

my dad nodded his head.

"Logan there is no point in even trying to reason with him. He only wants what's best for himself..." I said standing up again.

This time Logan stood with me, he held my hand.

"Mackenzie I cannot believe your mother is allowing this" my dad said

"allowing what? Going to make something of myself... Be a success? There's no need to be rude to my boyfriend. He is the reason I can do all this dad"

"your doing this despite me Mackenzie, your acting like a child but will only end up hurting yourself"

"well hurting myself is better than hurting everyone in the entire family dad... Logan come on. We are just wasting our time here" I said gesturing to leave.

"Mackenzie!" My dad said grabbing my wrist.

"let go... We are leaving" I said.

he did let go "Macks if you leave with that boy now then we are finished do you hear me... Finished!" My father said.

heather walked back in, she must of put Sean down for a nap "kev' go easy on her" she said.

"what? Heather have you taken a look at this one..." He said pointing at Logan.

"Mr Davies I had a broken cheek bone, it will go away, its not like I'm a wife beater or something, surely you must of got in to a fight at some point in your life" Logan said. I think he was bored of hearing silly excuses.

"I don't care what you had son. I would like you to leave us in private for a minute please. I would like to talk to my daughter" he said.

"no" Logan said simply.

"come on kenz. I've heard enough of this rubbish" Logan pulled me towards the door.

"Mackenzie if you leave with that boy then that is it. we are finished"

I turned to look at my dad, he stood next to heather. She looked exhausted.  
"Mackenzie... I mean it. You won't see Sean again. Savannah will never forgive you" he called out after me.

Logan had heard enough, he turned and walked back to where my father stood, he still held me by the hand "I understand that you had your own personal reasons to leave your wife and children, I didn't judge you on that. But for you to stand here and judge me, with out knowing the first thing about me and with out attempting to trust your daughter on a decision she is very capable of making herself, and then threaten her by punishing all three of your children... I have clearly made up my mind on what kind of person you are Kevin. Mackenzie doesn't need or want your money. She wanted your love. But your not even capable of doing that. What kind of parent can just say that to there own flesh and blood... You sicken me." Logan finished.

my dad just stared at Logan.

"Kenzie come on babe... " Logan then said.

I went with him and we left out the front door.

When we got in the car the tears started rolling down my face.

"shit baby I'm so sorry..." Logan said pulling me in for a hug.

"don't be sorry. What you said was amazing, I can't believe he said all that to me. He has lost the plot, he isn't the same person he used to be logues" I cried.  
Logan just held me for a few minutes, letting me get it all out my system.

A knock at the car window made us both jump. It was heather, I unrolled my window .

"Mackenzie I'm sorry about how he was in there. He just has a lot on his plate at the minute with work... You can see Sean whenever you like, you know that right?" She said.

I nodded tears streaming down my face "Thankyou heather"

She smiled and ran back inside the house.

"see, not all bad" Logan said.

"my mom is going to get it in the neck from him now... I don't get why people are so hung up on money. It shouldn't rule the world like it does, its so shallow..." I said.

"Kenzie... I'm so glad your you, never change" Logan simply said.

I drove us back to my house. I told savannah everything that had happened. She was upset, she was the mouthy one of the two of us and had a lot of views on my father that she happily aired.

"so when are you leaving to go to Los Angeles?" Savannah asked.

I looked at Logan, I wasnt sure.

"once the sale has gone through, the apartment is all yours kenz... Week or so I guess but when ever your ready" Logan replied.

"wow a week, I got a lot to plan... See if Louise wants to move in to your room" savannah said.

"sorry I'm deserting you sav'" I gave her a hug.

"I forgive you" she smiled and squeezed me back.


	60. Chapter 60

**SHERIDENS STORY**  
"well... What do you think?" I asked James.

I had chosen the invites for our wedding. And had whittled it down to three.

"I prefer the pocket fold, the scroll is ridiculous, the framed one is nice but I don't like the colour" he replied having a good look at them.

"I knew you would choose the pocket fold. What about if the scroll was in white instead of black?... I really like that one." I said showing him the white one in the catalogue.

"yeah white looks nice... Does it come with all that" James said pointing to the reply cards and the box.

"well the scrolls come with the box, which will have our names on as decoration but the reply cards are separate... They are canvas James" I beamed.

"canvas... Oooh" he mocked me and pulled me in to his arms "much better than paper ones" he said kissing me.

"so what do you think Mr maslow?" I said placing my arms around his neck and giving him a kiss.

"I think... We should go with the white canvas scroll, but in gold writing because ... Its you... Its mad and expensive and its you" he said again laughing.

"yay... Thanks baby. I'm going to ask Antonio to give me away... I'm so excited James... Who is going to be your best man?"

"my brother, I've already asked him" James replied.

"I'm going to ask paisley to be one of my bridesmaids... Do you think she will?" I asked.

"I'm sure she would love to Sheri. I'm going round to see her later, I need to see if she is well enough to do this MTV thing for the single... I tried phoning but she is switched off. I hope her and kendall patch stuff up, she sounded really sad on the phone the other day when she said her and kendall had split... Come with me and you can ask her" James said.

"yeah okay... I'll bring some of these with me and we can go through some dresses" I smiled picking up the huge amount of wedding catalogues I had accumulated.

"give those here, you shouldn't be carrying heavy stuff with your back still bad... your like a woman possessed Sheri" James laughed at me "can I ask something... Are you going to be a maslow or remain Lloyd?" He asked looking sceptic as I had a lot of things tied in to my name, my business, my charity... the foundations of my career really.

"well... I have thought about it actually but I'm going to change to Maslow... Sheriden Maslow... gotta let all them rushers know who's boss don't I?" I winked.

"leave the rushers alone... " James smiled.

"no seriously though, I will change everything to Sheriden Maslow, its going to cost a fortune in website design and stationary... letter heads..you name it, But yeah change it all apart from the charity. That stays Sheriden Lloyd foundation... " I smiled.

"thanks Sheriden.. I know you don't really want to, it means a lot to me" James said.

"hey, course I want to. Only get married once huh. Might as well do it properly" I said giving James a playful slap.

He kissed me, "come on then let's go and see pais. I'm gonna have a shower, can you text kendall and ask if she is at his, maybe they made up after a stupid fight again. I'll only be a minute..." James kissed me on the forehead and jogged off to the bathroom.

I did text kendall, he replied " yeah pais is with me. Glad your coming round. Need to talk . c u sn xx"

Hmmm, I wonder what I've done wrong now that he wants to talk to me.

James hopped out the shower and we then made our way to kendalls.

"where's logie?" I asked when we arrived and stood in the lounge.

"Portland with kenz" kendall replied.

I nodded "ohhh, I see."

Paisley came down the stairs still dressed in her pyjamas.

"how are you feeling now pais?" James asked her.

"okay..." She smiled.

"paisley before James snatches you away with work talk I've got something to ask you" paisley smiled waiting, as she stood next to kendall.

"will you be one of my bridesmaids?" I asked smiling.

Paisley looked at kendall, they both looked a bit odd.  
"I would love to Sheriden... But I don't think I can..." She replied.  
She looked at kendall again.

"have I done something wrong?" I said also looking at kendall.

"no... No nothing like that... Sheriden... Come with me, I need to talk to you" kendall said taking my hand and leading me out to his little kitchen.

I turned and looked at James, he shrugged and sat down ready to talk music with paisley.

Kendall shut the door behind us.

"what's going on?" I asked

kendall sighed "I've got some news"

"is Carlos okay?... What's happened" I asked.

"Carlos is fine Sheriden" he took both my hands and smiled as he looked in to my eyes. "Sheri... I'm not sure of the right way of saying this. You know I care about you so much, and I would never want to hurt you... Ever. I just felt I needed to tell you like this..." He said.

I smiled " kendall what the fuck is it... Spit it out..."

He squeezed my hands gently and I noticed his eyes glisten with emotion "paisley and I are having a baby Sheriden... She is around 4 months almost... Your the first person we have told... You okay?" He whispered.

Tears filled my own eyes. I couldn't speak just yet. Kendall pulled me in for a hug.

As I gained my composure I spoke " I'm so happy for you... Thankyou for being so thoughtful of me... it means a lot... A baby... I'm so happy for you" I repeated.

"hey its not being thoughtfull of you Sheriden its just because I care about you, I wanted it like this because I don't want you to think I will ever forget our little boy we should of had, and now knowing what we know now about you.. I feel guilty Sheriden. I'm so sorry" he said holding my hands again.

I smiled at him through my tears.  
"kendall its fantastic news. You and paisley were destined for this all along... I'll be an aunty" I laughed.

"you will be... It wasn't planned or anything, we have only just found out ourselves... I don't think its sunk in to my head yet" he said.

"you must have supersonic fucking sperm kendall" I said,  
we both laughed.

"come here" I said and gave him a big squeeze. "congratulations honey... It means a lot that you've thought of me after everything that's happened" I said in to his chest as I hugged him.

"you okay though yeah... I want to be as honest as I can, don't put a brave face on it Sheri, talk to me..." He said.

"I'm not putting a brave face on it... I... Well to be honest I don't think it will be hard until I see you holding a baby... Or patting paisleys big round tummy in a few months... But I want to see those things kendall... That's me being honest..." I whispered.

"well we can all cross those bridges together... I can count you in for baby sitting though yeah" he grinned.

"absolutely, anything to piss your mother off" I laughed.  
Kendalls mom hated me when I dated him.

paisley knocked on the glass panelled door to see if it was okay to interrupt us. Kendall just opened it up.

I burst in to tears when I made I contact with her.  
"come here you silly thing" kendall said and gave me another hug.

I looked over his shoulder and saw paisley wiping her own tears away.

I then moved from kendall and gave paisley I hug.

we both had a good cry. James tapped me on the shoulder.

"Sheri what is it... What's going on" he said looking overly concerned.

"paisley and kendall are expecting a baby James... " I said now holding paisleys hand. She was shaking.

"your pregnant... Wow. Congratulations guys!" James said giving paisley a hug and then giving kendall one.

He didn't hug me but he gave me the eye contact to see if my mental state was as good as I was letting on. He seemed satisfied.

"James just to clarify this isn't going to effect my music. I will only need a few months off then I will be back on track... I still want to sing" I said.

"pais don't worry about that. I'm ready when you are. Once this David Guetta single is done with we will re evaluate everything for you okay" James said.

"so the baby will be born before the wedding in July then...?" I asked.

"just" kendall answered

"I would of loved to of been a bridesmaid Sheriden. You and James have been such good friends to me... It would off been an honour. But Its just bad timing... I would like it of you showed me some of those magazines though" she smiled.

I laughed at her then we walked out of the kitchen and sat on the sofa.

I noticed James shut the door and have a chat with kendall.

I showed paisley the invitations James and I had chosen. She liked them.  
"you are still coming to the wedding aren't you pais" I asked.

"course we are... Wouldn't miss it for the world... " she said.

"when's your scan paisley?" I asked looking at her tummy

"I'm not sure, I was told to wait for a phone call from the midwife to get booked in" she replied.

"your still as flat as anything though aren't you... I was showing with a little bump from word go" I smiled at the memory.

"yeah your about 4 sizes smaller than me though Sheriden." She said placing her hands around my tiny waist.

I shrugged.  
"I'm so happy for you both, I know its been a rough ride for you. Its nice to know you kind of share an experience of losing a baby then share the making of one." I explained.

"thanks Sheriden... your friendship means a lot to me... You and the boys are the only family I really have" paisley said.

"two little peas in a pod then really aren't we when friends become your family... Who needs the real thing. They are over rated anyway pais" I smiled.

"are you and kendall okay now, James said you had split up" I asked.

"yeah we are great. I think he has bad days you know, nothing really kicked that arguement off. I'm going to visit his mom soon, I'm really scared she won't like me" she confessed.

"what's not to like paisley... Honestly" I retorted at her.

"the fact we haven't been together a year yet and I'm already up the duff" she replied.

"yeah... Well there is that I guess" and laughed. "seriously though, she is nice, she didn't like me because of who I am, and what she had read in the papers"

The boys walked in the room. they looked friendly enough, I wonder if James would tell me what he had spoken to kendall about.

James and I stayed round kendalls for a few hours discussing weddings and baby things. It was a nice time.  
I was hurting about the news but in a way I'm glad it was kendall that started a family first. He was always going to be the hardest one to see do it.

I'm so grateful that its with paisley and not some bitch that would rub my nose in it.

We reached home and I busied myself by making dinner for James and I.

"what did you chat to kendall about after the baby news in the kitchen?" I asked.

"nothing really, I asked if he was okay with paisley carrying on with her music after the Babys born, and some other stuff... Honeymoon stuff..." He said with a smile.

"are you really not going to tell me anything James?" I asked.

He looked at me... He was thinking about it.  
"do you really have to know?" He said leaning on his breakfast table.

I walked over and leaned on the opposite side "yes... I hate not knowing things" I replied then gave him a kiss.

"good... It will make it more of a surprise then Sheri... And don't think about asking kendall. He isn't even allowed to tell paisley" he said returning my kiss with another.

"your evil maslow, you know that don't you..." I chuckled.

James walked around to my side of the counter.  
"evil... I'm not evil... But I can be dirty..." He said placing his hands on my waist.

"I think I would like to see this dirty side... We are getting married after all" I mocked.

"mmm... Okay" he said undoing my jeans and tugging down at them then lifted me up on to the breakfast table and began unbuttoning my blouse.

He kissed along my neck and down my chest. It felt as electric now as it did when we first got together.  
He is so handsome.

My blouse ended up on the floor as did my bra.  
James' fingers caressed my spine sending shivers along it as he went.

"your so fuckin sexy Sheriden" he said heavily as he enjoyed the sights of my body.

He scattered my body with little soft kisses, I ran my fingers through his hair.  
He kissed my breasts and touched along the inside of my thighs before placing a finger inside me and rubbing his thumb on my clitoris.

I let out a gasp of pleasure.  
"you like that?" He whispered.

I nodded and bit my lip, James flashed his amazing American smile at me.

His other hand ran along my spine again, giving my scar that ran down it a loving stroke.

"are you gonna fuck me James?" I whispered to him.

He shook his head...  
"told you... I'm dirty, I'm gonna do dirty things to you miss Lloyd" his eyes smiled at me.  
He removed his fingers and carried me away from the counter, he turned the oven off on his way out of the kitchen and made his way to his bed.

He lay me down and spread my legs open. Gently touching me with his fingers. He gave me the odd little kiss down there. But it was mainly about his fingers delivering my pleasure.

He stopped for a second to remove his sweat pants.

I knew what was coming now.  
"your a dirty bastard James" I chuckled.

He smiled at me then began pleasuring himself as he still played with me, rubbing my clit really hard.

"tell me okay..." He husked out.  
I nodded as I stretched my arms out and grabbed hold of the head board enjoying the feeling of James' rough touch on me.

He loved looking while he pleasured me. His Dick looked so hard as he still took care of his own needs.

Looking at him kneeling inbetween my legs and doing that to me and to himself turned me on like anything.

"baby I'm close" I whispered out as my fingers grasped the headboard even tighter.

I opened my eyes enough to see James lean in on me, just as I came, he did too. All over my clit.  
It felt warm and delicious. Adding to my pleasure.

"that was dirty" I laughed.

James chuckled then came and lay down next to me.

We both lay down staring at the ceiling.

"love you" he said turning his head to look at me.

"love you too baby" I smiled,

"Sheriden... The house in bel air. after we get married I think we should move in there or sell it" James said out of the blue.

"you not think it will be too big for the two of us?" I asked turning my own head to look at him.

He turned on his side and leaned his head on his hand.

"I don't think it is Sheri... I think that place was made for us. it makes it easy for family to stay over... This place is far too small." He said looking around.

"yeah it is a lot smaller now my stuff is in here" I laughed.

"let's do it then" he said

" well you need to get the Australians out of there first, but why wait until after the wedding. I don't like waiting... Chuck them out and we can move in" I said.

James smiled at me.

"what's the cheeky grin for" I asked.

"because I think your genuinely happy at the moment... I think that's good considering what we found out today" he said.

"I think it made all the difference how he told me. Its nice to be thought of so highly that he did that" I replied.

"I think kendall will always hold you very close to his heart Sheri. I have a feeling that's what causes a lot of his tempers, because paisley isn't you" he said.

"kendall really loves paisley James" I said now turning on my own side and holding my head up in my hand, like a mirror image of James.

"yeah course he does. I'm just saying he still holds a torch for what you once had... I think having a baby will finally break him free from whatever hold you have on him" James said .

"maybe. I like us all being so close though, shame Carlos had to go and fuck things up... I wonder why Logan went to Portland? He is very private with Mackenzie isn't he, do you think that's because of Carlos?" I asked.

"I think its more that he knows Mackenzie likes being normal and not like us" James said smiling at his obvious assumption.

"...well... that's dinner ruined because of your dirty fetishes of wanking over me, so you can go get a take out jimbo"

"oooh, jimbo is it today?" James chuckled at me. "I might not be finished with my dirty fetishes" he said climbing on top of me.

He touched his nose against mine.

"I'm so glad you came back" he whispered in all seriousness.

"so am I" I replied then kissed him.


	61. Chapter 61

**MACKENZIES STORY**.

9 weeks had passed since Logan ended up in hospital.

In that nine weeks a lot had changed for everyone.

I now lived in LA, my salon had just opened.  
REDCHERRIES was officially open for business and with myself in charge and another 3 stylists now on board, things were looking great.

Logan had moved in to his beautiful home again, along with me, but for the purpose of my mom, the little apartment above the salon was kept with most of my stuff in it for when she visited, which was most weekends.

Paisley was around six months pregnant, she hadn't had an easy ride of it, she had bled a lot, had sickness all the time. She thought she had lost it once and feared the worst but she was told all was fine. She had some placenta issues as far as I was aware.

Her and kendall seemed so much better now, he was all set for this fatherhood thing he had let himself in for.

Carlos ... Was still Carlos, he hated me, he made it very public still. Logan chose to ignore it while paisley would have a right go at him.  
I hated him.

Sheriden and James had just moved in to there huge mansion in bel air.  
They had organised a fancy party. It was happening this weekend.

I begged Logan to let me stay at home, if I heard another detail from this publicity stunt they called a wedding I was going to scream. But he insisted we go.

I got along with Sheriden and James okay now, but she was too much for me...too over the top.  
Everything had to be excessive. Paisley thought the sun shone out of her backside. Her and Sheriden were practically joined at the hip these days.

In a way it was good, as far as the big time rush fans were concerned, paisley was enemy number one. They hated her being pregnant. she was often in tears reading things in the paper and on twitter that they thought of her but Sheriden fought back in her corner. Sheriden didn't give a fuck what people thought of her. some of the things she would come out with were hilarious.

The night of her and James' party had arrived.

Sheriden had insisted that her fancy party was indeed fancy and everyone was to be dressed up to the nines in designer wear.  
Logan had bought me a very tight fitting dress.

He loved the way my ass looked in it.  
Logan had really changed since I had first met him.  
Everyone had commented that they hardly saw him anymore, he used to be the one that was out clubbing every night and causing a stir but he was now the one that would just stay in with me.  
He seemed happy enough doing that. I loved just being with him. We were nuts about each other. I think he liked having someone to call home instead of finding a stranger to keep him company.

"you look fucking hot kenz" he said eyeing me up as I got ready for Sheriden and James' fancy party.

"do you think?... I love the dress logues, its just me I'm not too sure about" I blushed.

"Mackenzie your a stunner, your by far going to be the prettiest girl there tonight" he smiled and gave my ass one more approving stroke.

I kissed him and gave his cock a stroke through his suit pants then bit his lip playfully "is there absolutely nothing I can do to persuade you to not make me go tonite" I smiled.

"sorry kenz... As much as I would like to see your skills of persuasion its not worth getting Sheriden pissed off" he replied.

I sighed, "yeah I guess you're right..."

"you might even enjoy your self... Bring a stash of your business cards to hand out too." He smiled. "I'm so fucking horny Kenzie" Logan said trying to tuck his boner in so it wasnt so obvious.

"you've always got the horn babe" I laughed checking my hair and make up in the mirror.

"your always giving me the horn kenz" he said still fidgeting with his Dick.

"how long til the cab gets here?" I said looking at him rearranging himself

"bout ten mins..." He replied.

"well hurry up I'm not putting up with you like that all night" I said kneeling down in front of him and unzipping his fly.

"ooh okay... I've trained you well" he laughed as I began sucking his cock. He loved watching me pleasure him, I could feel his eyes on me as I took his length in my mouth.

I gave him an occasional lick as part of the show I was giving him, as he climaxed in my mouth he tried to put his hand on my head, but I slapped it away. I had just curled my hair. I didn't want it roughed up or covered in his spunk.

The door bell rang just as I stood up. I looked down and laughed "that was a waste of bloody time" eyeing up his still Rock solid cock.

"its on its way down don't worry about that" he grinned as he kissed me quick and did his fly up then ran down to the front door.

I checked myself quick in the mirror and grabbed my purse.

"cmon kenz, taxi is here" Logan called from down the stairs.

I made my way down and passed Logan as he held his front door open for me.  
I kissed him as I passed.

"you got your inhaler in there" he asked taking my purse and having a look before I could even reply.

"no its upstairs" I said.

"I'll get it" he said and ran up the stairs and then reappeared with the inhaler in his hand.

"thanks baby" i said popping it in my handbag.

It took around 45 minutes to reach the gates of the posh bel air estate.

I had never seen anything like it. The house was ginormous, I looked at Logan and rolled my eyes. He gave my hand a little squeeze.

We walked in to the house after being dropped off at the lavish looking driveway.

I held on to Logans hand like my life depended on it.

The place was packed with glamorous looking people, I didn't recognise any of them.  
Logan said hello to a few people as we weaved our way through.

One lady grabbed Logan, stating she had not seen him for ages, Logan introduced her to me, her name was Stella and worked on the set of big time rush as make up artist.  
She asked who I was. Logan always introduced me as his friend.

Most girls would find this insulting but I appreciated it as it helped to keep my name out of the papers and stopped any ongoing questions about our relationship, such as how long have you been dating, or where did we meet.  
Logan liked to keep me private and I liked it even more. I didn't see the attraction of spilling all the beans about us. When ever he was asked if he had a girlfriend he would always reply not yet. Which again evaded any personal questions about me.

It was pretty obvious we were dating but unless someone admitted it, all the press could do was speculate.

We found Sheriden in the largest kitchen I had been in ever. it was beautiful. She was dressed in a gold full length dress, her hair now a lot blonder than it was the last time I had seen her.  
She obviously didn't want me doing her hair despite the bullshit that she gave me that she would soon be visiting my salon.

"Logan... Mackenzie! your here" she said giving us both air kisses and flimsy hugs.

"hello princess, you look beautiful" Logan said taking in the glory of the gold dress.

"thanks Logie... I'm not sure where James has got to, this is the trouble of having such a big house" she said looking around.

I looked at Logan and a little smile danced on his lips. we played a little game with Sheriden and found it funny when ever she mentioned something amazing about her self or her expensive things.  
Big house was number one of the evening and we had only been in here two minutes. I saw paisley stood over by the kitchen side, she looked miserable.

"is paisley okay?" I said to Sheriden.

Sheriden turned around and looked at the sad looking paisley then walked up to her. I followed.

"you alright pais" she asked.

paisley snapped out of her day dream state "yeah I'm fine, sorry I was miles away then" she said rubbing a loving hand over her bump.

I wasn't sure who had latched on to who in the Sheriden/paisley friendship. wether Sheriden had forced herself on paisley to get involved with all the baby business or if paisley regarded Sheriden as some odd mother figure, but they both seemed to rely on each other, god help the person that ever hurt paisley prince, that's as all I can say.

"paisley you look lovely" I said as I took in the expensive looking up do she had her hair in and the red two piece dress she wore.

"thanks, I don't feel lovely, I feel like an elephant. Sheriden and I went to Evans today and had massages and our hair done. Its lovely there" she said.

"Evans... Blimey I bet it is lovely there" I agreed.

"least you know what it is, when I first went I thought Sheriden had taken me to some strange house" she laughed, so did Sheriden.

"yeah Evans actually offered me a job thanks to kendalls haircut." I replied.

"and you turned it down? That's mad, Sheriden tipped her stylist a silly amount of money today, you would make a fortune working in there with all the rich bods that go in" paisley said as Sheriden pretended to not hear her.

"yeah, rubbing shoulders with the rich and famous is not something I think I will ever get used to" I replied. Sheriden then looked at me like I had gone mad.

Kendall then appeared through the crowds with a drunk looking James.

"hello strangers" he said to Logan and I.

Kendall looked as bad James.  
"you two start early?" Logan laughed,

"yeah we started a bit way too fucking early" kendall said then draping him self all over paisley.

"is Carlos here yet" Logan asked.

"yeah he is about with Antonio somewhere" Sheriden answered him.

"okay cool" Logan replied.

Logan slung his arm around me and kissed the top of my head.

"are you coming to dance with me now chubs" kendall said to paisley.

"very funny ... And only if its a slowy" she replied .

"its a slowy pais" he replied as he took her hand and led her out of the kitchen.

"dancing?" Logan said to James.

"yeah go and have a look around, there's a dance floor set up out in the garden. Go and enjoy your selves" James said.

Logan looked at me and smiled before taking my hand and dragging me off.

"this place is huge kenz" he said as we filed out in to the massive garden,

"its madness... Ooop there we go..." I nudged Logan as we found the bar that had been set up on the oversized patio area.

Logan smiled and took a couple of drinks off one of the bar staff that had walked passed us with a tray of drinks.

We downed them then made our way to the bar and downed a few more.

Kendall and paisley walked up to us after there slow dance together.

Kendall stood behind pais with his hands stretched out front circling her tummy. They looked dead cute together. I liked kendall he was lovely despite the first impression I got from him.

"you guys just getting drunk then?" Paisley asked.

"just merry at the moment" I answered.

"can't wait until I can drink again" she replied.

"your looking hot though pais, pregnancy agrees with you" Logan said

"it doesn't, I look awful, feel awful... You should see my legs Logan, they are anything but hot right now" she said laughing.

"your beautiful paisley" came a drunken familiar voice from behind "some of the girls around here look like complete whores" Carlos said loudly as he looked at me.

Carlos nodded as a hello to Logan.  
Logan didn't respond, I guess insulting me didn't really warrant a reply that was friendly.

Logan wrapped an arm around my waist, I snuggled in to him as far as humanly possible.

"can't you just be pleasant for one evening Los" paisley said.

"what... I'm just speaking my mind, much better than telling lies and keeping secrets" he replied. The drink making him more viscous than usual.

I grabbed another from the drinks that sat in front of me and downed it.

"speaking bullshit though Carlos. Just shut the fuck up and let it go already" I replied.

"ooh little kenz has found her mouth at last" he replied.

"yeah I found it... Someone needs to tell you to grow up" I spat back.

"cmon Kenzie let's go and dance..." Logan said pulling me from the line of fire.

"he is such a Dick all the time" I said feeling humiliated.

"yeah I know but he does it to get you to bite back, just ignore him baby...stay there a minute" Logan said.

I stood on the edge of the dance floor that had been put on the vast grass area, little coloured bulbs of light hung from the near by trees in the garden, the place looked lovely in the dusky light that the day clung on to.

I watched as Logan weaved his way up to the DJ that was set up at the far end of the dance floor. Logan talked to him then I saw money exchange hands. Logan walked backed to me and took my hand.  
the current song that was not even halfway through then finished and Jason Mraz's I won't give up began playing.

"come here" Logan said pulling me in to his chest.

"your very romantic when you want to be Logan Henderson, you know that don't you?" I said as we danced to our song.

"I try" he said "but I also know how to piss Carlos of without saying a word" he added.

I slyly looked at Carlos who stood with paisley and kendall. He was watching us with hate in his eyes, muttering away to paisley who looked sick and tired of hearing the same crap about me.

"I love you logie bear" I said wrapping my arms around his neck. Logan had his arms tightly around my waist, he felt my ass through my dress.

"love you more kenz" he said before leaning down to kiss me.

we danced in each others arms. Logan whispered things in my ear, some rude and some heartfelt. They all made me smile.

When our song had finished we walked hand in hand back to the bar. Sheriden had joined the group now, but kendall had gone off with James just as we reached them.

"they are very pally" I said to Logan.

"yeah they used to be before Sheriden dated either of them. Its good" Logan whispered back in my ear.

"that looked romantic" paisley smiled "I can't get over how loved up you are Logan" she said.

Logan just smiled and gave me a squeeze and another kiss on the cheek.

"princess this house is fucking insane. I'm dying to jump in that pool" Logan said.

"me too, its going to be so nice getting in that every time my back gets bad. Fingers crossed its okay at the moment. The doctors are still pumping me full of shit trying to strengthen the bones to prevent the osteoporosis."

"well your moving a lot quicker now" Carlos said putting an arm around Sheriden. She rested her head on his shoulder.

"yeah but putting on weight Los, look at me" Sheriden said

She didn't look any different to me.

"let the medicine fix you shoo, your not putting on any weight, take a look at kenz, she is letting herself go..."

I just ignored him and buried my head in Logans chest.

"Los... Don't start that shit here" Sheriden said removing her head from his shoulder.

"what shit? I'm just saying that kenz has put on a few pounds since moving to LA that's all, she looks healthy.

"Los, you do know that kenz used to have an eating disorder don't you, don't fuck about with shit like that" paisley said.

I looked at her then Logan looked at me, I had never had an eating disorder.

Carlos then looked at me "shit I'm sorry Mackenzie... I didn't mean that, I was just fucking with you" he said quietly.

I couldn't hold my laugh in. "shit Carlos... pais is lying, its nice to finally get an apology from you though. I've will treasure those words" I replied.

Paisley chuckled "sorry Los, but you never know, you should be careful what you say, it can really hurt people"

"fucking tossers the lot of you" Carlos said before walking away.

"you had me worried then pais" Logan said.

"for the record Mackenzie I would say you have lost weight" Sheriden said.

"she has, that's why I got worried. She works so hard and doesn't eat right" Logan said.

"I'm fine though logues, I like my food to much to get too skinny" I smiled.

"oh my God!" Paisley called out and felt her stomach.

"what's the matter? Sheriden said walking round to her and placing a caring hand on her arm.

"the baby... I think I just... Oh my God" paisley repeated.

"pais...?" I said worried.

paisley smiled " I can feel it... I just felt it... Ooh my God" she grinned "there it is again" she cried out.

Logan placed a hand on her red dressed tummy, him and paisley looked at eachother waiting for the next kick...

"ha! That's amazing " Logan said as paisley got the giggles after feeling another movement.

"can I feel?" I asked.

Paisley grabbed my hand and placed it on her stomach in the place of the last kick. I too looked her in the eye as we waited for some communication from her baby bump.

"see... Did you feel it?" She said.

"yeah... Oh my God, that's brilliant." I said as I left my hand there waiting for the next one.  
We both laughed when it finally came.

"Sheri?" Paisley asked.

"I'm not sure I can pais" she said. I noticed her hands were shaking.

"course you can, its only my little baby in there" paisley said and took sheridens shaking hand.

It must of been the first time Sheriden had felt the bump.  
she looked very emotional, as did paisley.

Paisley took sheridens other hand in hers too and smiled at her .

"paisley I'm not ready for... Oh my God" Sheriden screamed as she felt a kick.  
Paisley held sheridens hand on her tummy so she couldn't move it even if she wanted to.

Sheriden had tears running down her face.

Paisley smiled and let go of sheridens hand that wasnt on her tummy and rubbed her round belly.

"you feel that Bruno, that's aunty Sheri poking you back" paisley directed at her tummy.

Sheriden laughed "Bruno?" She mocked as more silent tears fell from her eyes.

"yep... Just for now. I've not even started on that baby name book yet... Did you feel that one?" Paisley said.

Sheriden nodded.

"its amazing paisley... Thankyou for... Being you, your a big help" she said.

Paisley then spotted kendall in the crowds and beckoned him over with her hand.

"everything okay?" He said looking at Sheriden wiping away tears.

"yeah its all great" paisley said "gimme your hand" and with that she placed kendalls hand on her tummy

It felt a bit intrusive for everyone to be staring at kendall and paisley on this very personal moment that they shared.

Kendall chuckled when he felt the kick then gave the bump a kiss then gave paisley a kiss.

He didn't make a big deal like we all had. He did however whisper in paisleys ear then grabbed Sheriden by the hand and walked off with her.

"is she okay?" I asked paisley.

"yeah I think so, they have little chats every now and again. it must be so hard for her, I can't even begin to imagine..." Paisley said shifting on the little bar stool she had been perched on.

"do you guys want to come for a walk with me, I need to stretch my legs out" she asked.

"yep sounds like a plan, let's go check this pool out" Logan said.

Logan walked in the middle as both me and paisley linked an arm with him.

"I miss your face logues, you two need to come round more often to visit us" paisley said.

"we are still having fun getting to know each other" was all Logan said.

"I'm pleased for you both" paisley said.

We reached the pool. Logan looked like he really wanted to jump in it.

"Sheriden will cut your balls off if you get in that" paisley said smiling.

"I'm only looking" he grinned back at her."but I might chuck Kenzie in" he said grabbing me and pretending to throw me in.

I screamed playfully but it was a bit loud, I noticed heads turn and look at us as Logan placed me back on my two feet.

"hopefully James will throw a party for sheridens birthday and we can all get in that, its the only time that I feel normal when I'm in a pool" paisley said.

"kendalls got a pool though paisley" Logan said.

"yeah but its not like that one is it" she said "plus they have a hot tub" she added.

Both Logan and I looked in the direction of the hot tub.

"oh to be Sheriden Lloyd for a day huh" Logan smiled.

Carlos wondered over to us with his brother.

"Mackenzie this is Antonio, Carlos' brother... Well and sheridens" Logan said introducing us.

"hi nice to meet you" I said.

"and you Mackenzie. Carlos has told me a bit to much about you I'm afraid, but I don't believe it all" he said. Logan laughed but I wasnt sure if Antonio was being nice to me or just taking the piss along with his stupid brother.

"what's wrong with Sheriden? kendall and James are doing this double act thing trying to make her laugh" Antonio said.

"just baby talk... It was my fault really" paisley said.

"yeah it will do her good in the long run" I added. Paisley nodded in agreement with me but Carlos looked at me like I was some dog shit he had just trod on.

Antonio talked away with Logan and paisley, I just listened in for a few minutes.

"kenz?" Carlos almost whispered from the side of me.

I looked at Carlos, he looked like the Carlos I first met, he didn't have hate in his eyes.

"yeah?" I replied hopeful.

" I am sorry... You wanna shake and make up" he said.

"Carlos I would love that" I said turning around to face him.

Carlos then smiled at me " you fucking bitch" he said under his breath.

Before I could understand what was happening, Carlos gave me an almighty shove, and pushed me in to the pool.

I screamed. The water was freezing and my high heeled shoes were difficult to master any kind of movement.

"you total idiot" I heard paisley say that must of been directed at Carlos. I wiped my face and blinked my eyes clear just in time to see Logan grab Carlos and then he jumped in dragging carlos with him.

"shit its cold" Logan said as he swam over to me and swept all my red hair from my face then held me close. "just laugh it off kenz, dont give him the satisfaction" he whispered as he gave me a kiss.

I smiled.

Sheriden marched over "what the fuck do you three think your doing" she said "get the fuck out of my pool.

Carlos looked at Logan and burst out laughing,

Sheriden looked a mess with her mascara halfway down her face from crying, there was no way any one was going to take her seriously.

Kendall and James laughed at the silliness that this must of looked like then I finally laughed just to piss Carlos off.

"you lot are crazy" Antonio said as he helped Carlos out of the water.

Logan helped me up the ladder then kendall took my hand to get me the rest of the way out.

"right picture time then" Antonio said as Logan got out of the pool. "you lot look to funny to miss this.

I guess this must of looked fairly humouring to the people standing and watching, but we all bustled in to have our group picture taken by Antonio.

Kendall and paisley cuddled with hands on bump, Sheriden wrapped an arm around a very soggy Carlos and the other around a bemused looking James, and Logan held me facing him kissing me, both of us dripping wet but caught in this crazy moment so in love and finding the funny side. I saw the flash on the camera go beneath my eyelids as Logan and I carried on our kiss even after the group had departed from the pool side.

"you okay?" Logan asked as we were left alone.

"yeah... Hoping this means we can leave now" I laughed.

"I think it may mean just that" Logan, chuckled.

"this LA life is mental logues" I said smiling.

"it is... But I love it" he said grinning.

"its growing on me" I giggled. "it can only get better around here I guess"

Logan gave me the look to say I must be mad.


	62. Chapter 62

**STORY 4: vengeance in vegas**

**paisleys story**  
**"**oh God, kendall look at me, I'm never gonna get back in my jeans... Ever" I moaned.

I stood in front of the mirror in our room just wearing my underwear and rubbing a hand over my massive pregnant belly.

"course you will pais, you only have a few weeks left then you will get back to normal" kendall said sleepily from his position in the bed.

"I better or I'm having surgery" I said inspecting yet another stretch mark that had appeared on me.

Kendall got out of bed and walked over to me "stop moaning pais" he said gently, tilting my chin upwards and kissing me on the lips.

"can't you say your sick today?" I asked giving him my best puppy dog eyes.

"no, I like doing these shows anyway they are funny... Come with me, Sheriden is going" he replied.

Kendall was off to film 'figure it out' which I knew he did enjoy, but I just wanted nothing more than to sit on the sofa and snuggle in to him.

"I don't think I have the energy... Besides all your stupid fans will rip in to me again... " I sighed.

ever since kendall had announced on TV that I was expecting his baby it was chaos for me.

The boys appeared on the Ellen Degeneres chat show promoting there last single.

When asked what the future held for the boys kendall decided to tell all about the pregnancy. Naturally it caused a huge stir and I was inundated with hate from all the btr fans.

they had labelled me as a rusher hater, saying I had trapped kendall. Doing it for publicity and getting my claws in to his money.

The worst ones were the little bitches that said I had ruined his life.

"well find the energy... Cmon pais... its not long now and you will be wishing the baby was back in there so you can get some peace and quiet" he said smiling.

"okay, but only if Sheriden is going, I'm not hanging around on my own waiting for you" I said in my stroppy voice.

kendall smiled "did you look at those names I wrote down?" He asked.

Baby names had become a slight issue with us. We couldn't agree on anything

"yeah I did... I'm not too sure on the weird ones kendall" I admitted to him.

"weird? They're not weird, just different pais... Better than Bruno" he laughed and rubbed my tummy.

Bruno was what I called the bump, it was better than 'it' but although Bruno was a boys name we had no idea of the sex of our baby.

We had no desire to and wanted to keep it a surprise for the end.

"leave Bruno alone... Are you going up with James today then?"

"yeah Logan is on today too, I don't know if Mackenzie will be there though" he said.

"oh if Logans going I will go, I've not seen him for ages. I spoke to kenz yesterday she is flat out at the salon so I know she won't be going on day trips out to watch you bunch get slimed"

"okay cool, I'm gonna grab a shower you get back in to bed for a bit and I'll wake you when its time to get ready baby" kendall said walking me back over to our bed.

I yawned at him in response, I hadn't been sleeping well and was waking up at the crack of dawn everyday.

I smiled at him and lay down in my sideways position.

I moved in to the town house with kendall after I had my first bleed during the pregnancy. I had had 8 in total, all resulting with trips to doctors or hospitals, nothing wrong had happened but after one scan at 20 weeks I was told my placenta was laying across my cervix, I've been having regular scans to see if it has moved up, if it doesn't I will have to have a Caesarian section as Brunos escape route will be blocked.

my last scan at 34 weeks showed that it had moved slightly so the docs reassured me that its looking hopeful that I should have a natural birth. I had another one booked in for two days which will be the final one at 38 weeks. So hopefully it will tell me that everything is running as it should be.

I dozed in and out of sleep. Kendall woke me up with breakfast, I then got washed and dressed and we drove down to bel air to travel down with James and Sheriden to the studio in which 'figure it out' was filmed.

Over the last few months Sheriden and I had become really really good friends.

she was due to marry James in 4 weeks time.

I enjoyed her company. She was really funny and had stuck up for me so much with all these hate campaigns against me. She was also labelled as a rusher hater, but for Sheriden it rang true. She had had her fair share of run ins with crazy fans and just doesn't bother to curb her mouth anymore.

She rejoined twitter and has fun tweeting fun facts about what her and James had been up to that will no doubt annoy the hell out of delusional hard core James fans that think one day he will be theirs.

She also pissed of the Carlos fans by appearing in some of his and his brothers youtube videos.

Sheriden had her own show on TV at the moment. It was a Saturday night favourite and was in to the semi finals of who was going to win the modelling contracts, there were six up for grabs, fashion, editorial, character, glamour, commercial and photographic.

It was a good spin on the usual modelling shows as no one knew who was going to get voted in to which category at the end. The controversial part of sheridens show was of course the promotion of glamour modelling.

Sheriden held no shame and did a very artsy magazine shoot with her boobs out on display to show what ever her models would do she would also gladly do to support them.

James was proud of her, he was besotted with Sheriden. It broke my heart to know they would never have children together.

The four of us would spend a lot of time together hanging out. I loved it as it resembled what I thought a family should be like and I loved sharing my pregnancy with Sheriden and James.  
They both made a fuss over me. It sometimes got a bit too much but I let them get on with it.

"Sheriden please hurry up, we are gonna be late" James called out as he opened the door to let kendall and I in

"hey bro, wassup" kendall said to James as we walked in to the amazing entrance of the bel air mansion

James gave me a kiss on the cheek and gave my belly a rub "hey guys... Sheriden is taking ages to get her ass in gear. I swear she does it on purpose" he chuckled as we walked in to the large kitchen.

I sat on a chair at the kitchen table. Sheriden came down after a few minutes.

"hey pais... You look warm, all okay?" She said as she got a glass of water and passed it to me.

"I am a little hot, this LA heat is a killer" I said blowing a piece of hair from my face.

"well I hope your still taking it easy pais... I didn't think you were coming today?" She asked.

"she wants to see her heart throb logie bear" kendall butted in smiling.

I smiled back. It was true I currently had a funny crush on Logan after having some odd dreams about him, but I put it down to hormones.

"I think Logan is awesome, I always have, just because he invades my dreams at night kendall is not my fault" I blushed.

"oh pais... Logan isn't filming today. He called James at stupid o'clock this morning to say he wouldn't make it. Mackenzie had a bad one last night and she was admitted to hospital... She is fine but he won't leave her" Sheriden said.

"really? Her asthma is bad lately, that's the third attack she has had this month" I replied.

"its the heat" James said "she isn't used to the temps here compared to Portland, I dunno what Logans going to do when they figure that out" he added.

I slouched in my seat, I wish I had stayed at home, despite my child like crush I had on Logan I regarded him as one of my best friends, and was really looking forward to catching up with him.

"he will follow her where ever she goes, he is so smitten its sickening" kendall carried on from James conversation.

"its not sickening its adorable" Sheriden said.

"you only find it adorable because you have your own little sick puppy right here" kendall said giving James a pretend slap round the face.

"pais are you okay?" James said noticing me wiping tears away.

Damn these hormones I would cry at anything these days it was ridiculous.

"I'm fine I just really wanted to see Logan today, it was the only reason I came out" I blubbed.

"paisley cmon" kendall said as he pulled the chair out next to me and gave me a reassuring hug as he sat down

"God I just want this baby out, I'm so fed up" I sobbed in to his shoulder.

Kendall rubbed my back and said some stupid stuff in my ear til I smiled.  
Then he kissed me on the cheek.

"paisley I tell you what, we will go and see kenz and Logan then we can go and do some last minute baby shopping and let the boys do there own thing getting gunked on their silly show."

"Really?... Thanks Sheriden, that's really kind"

James rolled his eyes as he should of left a while ago but because of Sheriden he didn't and now she had gone and changed her mind altogether.

I looked at James to say sorry.

kendall got up and kissed me on the head.

"are you going to be okay with her...she is very emotional lately" kendall said to Sheriden.

"sure we will be fine" she said

Kendall was then hurried out by James in to his truck leaving Sheriden and I alone.

"shall we call and announce our arrival our just show up" Sheriden said

"just show up. I really want to see him... I'm odd right?" I confessed.

Sheriden laughed "well its not as odd as when you slapped kendall round the face after he brought you back cheese and onion chips instead of the cheese and chive you asked him to get" she chuckled at the memory of one of my many pregnancy melt downs.

"oh God I'm a nightmare aren't I?" I said shaking my head.

"pais your perfect... You're having a baby not a midlife crisis... Its normal. So let's go and see our best pal logie" she said smiling.

I smiled and we walked out to her car.

As I waddled through the hospital Sheriden asked at reception as to Mackenzies whereabouts. we then made or way up to the ward.

Mackenzie was on an open ward shared with 5 other patients. It must of Been sometime since Sheriden had been on a normal hospital setting like this instead of the private health care she was used to as her face looked somewhat confused.

She kept her sunglasses on as a way to disguise herself from the normal people. Sheriden walked in to Mackenzies ward and whispered in to Logans ear before I had even made my way through the double door entrance.

Logan walked out to See me, giving me a hug and a kiss and reducing me to tears.

"your a silly sod pais... Come on let's get a drink" he said and walked me back out the way I had just waddled in by, leaving Sheriden and Mackenzie to chat.

The cafeteria in the hospital was fairly busy but Logan found us a quiet spot to sit down. He brought me over a bottle of water then sat on the bench seat next to me and slung an arm around me.

"what's all these tears about then Reno?" He said.

"I just miss you logues... I'm sorry I'm just fed up really... I'm being selfish. Is Mackenzie okay" I replied sucking back the tears.

"its good that you miss me, I'm sorry I've not been about, things have been a bit mad lately, but yeah kenz is okay, she is on a nebuliser at the moment. Her air ways aren't doing what they should but she will be fine..." He said. " what about you, how's Bruno coming along?"

I smiled, Logan was the only one that called Bruno, Bruno.  
"we are fine, only have two weeks left, got my last scan day after tomorrow.. I'm so tired and fed up, I just really wanted to see you because you remind me of fun and being stupid, not being fat and boring not being able to do anything" I confessed.

Logan gave me his cheeky grin that I got to know so well when we played a load of pranks on kendall on the tour bus "pais are you sure its got nothing to do with the dreams of me going down on you" Logan chuckled.

I went bright red.  
"fucks sake. Kendall can't keep anything sacred can he? I didn't dream you went down on me, I dreamt you kissed me... A few times" I laughed.

"well can't blame you to be honest, its not much of a competition between me and kendall" he said giving me a little nudge in the arm.

Logan and I had a good catch up in the end. Despite what James had said both him and Mackenzie were aware that it was that heat and humidity triggering off her asthma attacks, she was trying to manage it best she could but because her medication had changed so much lately it was kind of hit and miss.  
Logan assured me that neither him or Mackenzie had any desire to leave LA anytime soon.

I only said a brief hello to Mackenzie when we returned to her ward. She looked even more tired than I felt, and she looked fed up that Logan had just dumped her with Sheriden.

Sheriden took me out shopping, I had far too many items that one baby would ever need already in the nursery but Sheriden loved to buy things and I didn't want to take that away from her so I just let her get gooey over the little outfits and cute bedding.

"pais look at this" she said beaming at a tiny pair of shoes in the department store we had been in for half hour.

I laughed, they were tiny little baby converse sneakers.  
"awww kendall will love them on Bruno" I said.

"I so hope if its a boy it won't get stuck with that name paisley" she said giving me a serious look

"i don't think kendall would allow for such a boring name, he seems hell bent on calling Bruno something weird. He had Suzuki written down on his top ten ... Suzuki, Sheriden." I said shaking my head.

"well clearly kendall has lost his mind, isn't that a bike or something" Sheriden said as she rifled through more baby clothes.

"yeah its a bike, its a car but its also Japanese, I think a half Italian baby can do with out a Japanese name thrown in to the mix" I laughed.

"plus Schmidt is German... Suzuki Schmidt, it does have a ring to it, but technically it... Bruno ...will be quarter Italian pais, your mum is white American" Sheriden clarified.

"true, but I don't think Suzuki is the best name out there, he loves all these odd ones, but I like the normal plain ones" I sighed and shook my head at a garish green baby out fit Sheriden had picked out. She put it back on the rail.

"well you best get thinking because your fit to burst pai... What the fuck are you doing?" Sheriden shouted at a couple of girls that had been following us from a far through the shop, but one had just pulled her phone out trying to get a picture of us.

"Sheri leave them alone" I said pulling her by the hand and down towards the stairs.

she rolled her eyes at the two little bitches that now stuck their middle fingers up at us.

"fucking rushers!... can I get these?" She asked holding the baby converse sneakers in her hand still.

I smiled "no one can have enough shoes right?... Not even babies" I chuckled.

"that's my girl" Sheriden giggled.

We stopped at a juice bar before we went back to sheridens car.  
I noticed the two girls that Sheriden had sworn at in the department store were still following us.

I picked up my juice and waited for Sheriden, but just as she turned around with her drink in hand the girl who had tried to get the picture of us barged right in to me knocking my drink from my hand spilling it all over me and on the floor but Sheriden slipped and went flying on her backside.

The girl realising what she had done then ran off.

"oh no, Sheri are you okay? Fuck have you broken anything" I panicked.

"I'm fine... I'm fine" she said as one of the juice bar staff helped her to her feet.

Sheriden had suffered a broken back in a skiing accident a few years ago, her spine was put back together with pins along the base , but she had also been diagnosed with osteoporosis which basically meant her bones break easily.  
Because sheridens spine was so damaged already with the pins, it was feared that her spinal injury would eventually crumble the bones if not treated with care on her part. It was because of this that her and James couldn't have a baby. As the pressure it would put on her body and back could potentially send her in to a wheel chair for the rest of her life.

"are you okay?" She said checking me over.

"I'm fine just... Stained" I said looking down at my once pretty white maternity dress that could also serve a family of four as a tent.

"James is going to go fucking nuts when he hears about this" she said as she linked my arm and we made our way down to the parking lot to the safety of sheridens Mercedes.

Once back at sheridens bel air mansion and the boys had returned after filming Sheriden allowed for them to tell there story of the day in which kendall had actually got through to the next round of the kids game show and would be returning to finish his filming tomorrow, but James had already been sent down the slide of slime.  
They both seemed really happy until Sheriden told them about our day.

"this little fucker just barged in to her... She is 8 months pregnant for fuck sake. why would that cross any ones mind to knock in to a pregnant girl" Sheriden said.

"shit really? Are you okay pais?" Kendall said rubbing my belly.

"I'm fine but the drink I had got knocked over and Sheriden slipped and fell..." I carried the story on but James interrupted me.

"what... You fell, fuck Sheriden are you okay?" James said .

"I'm fine, luckily I landed on my hand more than my ass" she said.

"Jesus what is the matter with these people? That's it... That's fucking it" James shouted.

I had seen James angry before but I had never seen this, this was disbelief and hatred that now shone in his eyes.

"James no one got hurt, its just the actions of one silly teenage girl" I said.

"no paisley this is getting fucking ridiculous now, do you know Sheri gets death threats along with her hate mail, she gets things chucked at her, gets called names in the street, gets constantly bullied on twitter and now they are physically hurting her... I've had enough... " he ranted.

"James calm down honey" Sheriden said.

"I'm fucked off with it, hearing it, reading it, seeing it... Do they think we find it funny... I don't find it funny" James finished.

"once the wedding has been and the baby has arrived they will get used to it. Girls don't like to imagine their heart throbs with other women James... Its part of the job of being with you guys" I said.

"unless your Mackenzie ... mackogan" Sheriden laughed at the nick name the rushers had placed on Logan and Mackenzie as a couple.

Although no one on camp mackogan had ever officially said they were dating each other it was well known now that they were.  
But the btr fans loved her, mainly because it gave them all hope that normal girls were regarded as date-able but mostly because she was friendly, her hair salon REDCHERRIES was open to the norms of the general public not the rich and famous, which made her an easy porthole in to the world of btr for a lot of fans.

"yeah its because she is friendly though Sheriden, if you toned it down a bit then maybe they wouldn't make you such a target" kendall said.

Our debate in to the btr fans hatred went on in to the night. Sheriden and I had made plans to meet up tomorrow to have a good look at baby names while kendall filmed his hopeful win on 'figure it out'

Once at home I lay in bed with kendall, I again found it hard to sleep.  
"baby do you wanna fuck" I said to kendall as he lay next to me with his eyes shut. A smile crept on his face.

"no... Shush" he said still smiling.

"I'm desperate for you though baby, we haven't had sex in ages" I moaned.

kendall opened his eyes " pais, I love you, but it freaks me out with the placenta thing in the wrong place, I don't want to hurt anything in there" he whispered and kissed me.

"I doubt very much that your cock can reach that far up kendall" I laughed.

"once baby is here I will fuck your brains out pais... I promise, my balls are the size of fucking watermelons, I'm gagging for you" he said closing his eyes again.

"your so romantic kendall" I giggled.

"I know, I'm a catch huh" he smiled at me with closed eyes.

I laughed and snuggled myself in to him as best I could, kendall rubbed my belly until he fell asleep, I spent hours staring at the ceiling until sleep finally took me.

The next morning when I woke up I had severe back ache. I had a bath which eased it I wondered if this is what Sheriden felt like every day with her back.  
I made a mental note to feel more sympathy for her next time I saw her wince in pain.

Kendall dropped me off at sheridens then him and James set off to finish filming. James still had to be present to film the end of the show.

Sheriden and I sat in one of her amazing reception rooms, it was gorgeous. The furniture was unreal. Sheridens old mansion was to die for, and James' old bungalow was so modern and beautifully set out, but mix them up together in this bel air madness, and the result was breathtaking.

I was in a lot of pain with my back, I kept shifting from position to try and get comfy.

Sheriden did notice.  
"pais sit in that chair, the back is higher" she said.

I nodded and tried the high back chair but it wasnt helping.

I tried my best to ignore it and carried on with the task at hand of baby names.

"Hayden?" Sheriden said with her nose in one of the baby name books. "could be a boy or a girls name" she added.

"no I used to go to school with a Hayden... She was a bitch" I replied.

"okay... Erm... Nadia..." She suggested.

"I quite like Nadine... But quite like isn't good enough is it" I sighed "what do you think of daisy? Or Rhys?" I asked.

"daisy... Its cute" she replied smiling.

"it is isn't it? Kendall doesn't like it" I sighed again.

"Osbert?" Sheriden said laughing, "who would call their baby Osbert, seriously... That can't be a real name.

"ow..." I moaned rubbing my tummy.

"tell you what I'll make us a hot drink and we can have a time out" Sheriden said getting up.

"okay great... Thank you Sheri... Do me a favour and don't tell kendall about Osbert... He will probably love it" I laughed.

Sheriden smiled at me as she walked out to the kitchen.

Sheriden had adjusted well to learning of my pregnancy, she liked the thought of the little Bruno bump, but kendall had shared with me that she was scared stiff of her reaction of seeing kendall with an actual baby in his arms.  
It was a weird situation for all four of us to get along so well when Sheriden and kendall used to date, and made a baby once apon a time. Sheriden lost the baby in a car accident.

Both her and kendall had found it very hard to cope with what had happened, but now that Sheriden couldn't have children it made watching my pregnancy a lot harder for her.

She liked to distance herself when I seemed in pain, hence her quick exit to the kitchen to make drinks.

kendall still adored Sheriden and had taken a lot of time to help her through this tricky time. They would go off and have little chats, Sheriden would come back looking like she had cried a river and would give me a hug.

I didn't mind. I knew it was about the babies and not about them still having a thing for each other. Besides I think I adored Sheriden just as much as kendall did.  
She is lovely.

My tummy cramped like anything, I had been getting a few Braxton Hicks the last few weeks but this felt odd.

I stood up and water gushed out from me all on to sheridens wooden floor.

"ooh my" I said as another cramp came.

Sheriden walked in with tea and looked at me then at the floor.

"your fucking kidding me" she said with eyes filled with fear.


	63. Chapter 63

**SHERIDENS STORY**

"your fucking kidding me" I gasped as I walked in to my lounge to find paisley stood in a puddle of water.

"oh my God" paisley groaned as she held her tummy.

"shit!... Is this it pais?" I asked grabbing my phone from the ornate coffee table.

Paisley nodded "I think so" she said.

I phoned kendalls number, it was switched off.  
"shit he's filming..." I mumbled to myself then tried James' number it went to voice mail.

"James its me" my voice shook " get kendall back here... Paisley is in labour... Love you ... Bye" I said then hung up.

I looked at paisley she looked more scared than me, probably because she knew I was going to be terrible at helping her deal with this on my own.

"its okay pais, I will look after you until help gets here... I know I'm useless but I won't let you down, I promise.

"your not useless Sheri" she said before crying out in pain with her next contraction.

I dialled 911

the operator answered and I requested an ambulance. Paisley looked up at me like this wasn't happening.

"what is the nature of the emergency?" The operator asked me after I gave the address details.

"my friend its having a baby, her contractions have started but she may have placenta previa?"

"okay try not to panic, first stages of labour can last hours, an ambulance is on its way"

I thanked the operator and hung up.

"how you doing pais" I said giving her back a rub.

"okay I think... Fucking hurts" she said with a small smile.

"alright... Its all happening a bit quicker than we would like huh" I laughed.

Paisley nodded and grabbed my hand as she battled against her next contraction.

"Sheriden there not very far apart now, I'm meant to be having my scan tomorrow, what if it hasn't moved out the way, the baby can't out... Ooohh here's another one." She said "please get kendall here"

"yeah I'm on it" I tried calling both boys again I left another message on James phone.

"Sheriden I don't think I can wait for that ambulance, we need to go now" paisley said looking panicked.

"paisley listen to me, everything is going to be fine okay, just relax, try and drink the tea..." I soothed giving her back another rub "oh I have an idea" I added and then ran out to the kitchen and got my tens machine from my first aid cupboard.

"what is that?" Paisley asked when I got back in to the lounge.

"tens machine, it will help your pain" I said lifting her top up and sticking the pads all along her back.

"right... now sit back and relax and we will wait for the ambulance" I said.

She smiled at me. I didn't have a clue what I was doing but if I looked like everything was in control then it would keep her calm.

Paisley sat for a few minutes, still trying to find comfort in the few minutes that she rested from each contraction.

My phone rang, it was kendall

"Sheriden I'm on my way" he said down the phone.

"good, we are waiting for an ambulance, but its been about twenty minutes now, I'm not sure how much longer she can last like this"

"alright... Okay... Can you drive her yourself to the hospital?" Kendall asked.

Paisley let out a loud groan in the back ground.

"Sheriden its she doing okay?" kendall added.

"she is okay... Kendall I'm being honest, I don't think Bruno is wanting to wait that long through the traffic, and my car is so small. I would rather wait for the ambulance"

"okay can I talk to her" he asked.

"yeah sure" i replied and passed the phone over to paisley.

Kendalls words that he spoke to her must of worked because she was at least smiling now.

I called the operator again on my home phone to see if there was any danger of the ambulance actually turning up, they just said it was on route to us.

I was so fidgety. I was scared stiff if anything went wrong with the baby whilst I was the sole carer of paisley.

"Sheriden!" Paisley called out.

"I'm feeling like I need to push... I can't push... Ooh god my baby is going to die" she said then started crying.

I took the phone off her "I'll call you back, she will be fine don't worry" I said then hung up on kendall.

"pais just calm down okay, the baby is going to be fine. Come on breathe with me." I repeated as she contracted again.  
"try not to push, just breathe it out pais, concentrate on your breathing and not the contraction."

"I'm so sorry about this" paisley said out of breath

"why are you sorry?" I smiled.

"kendall had it all planned out on how it was gonna be when you met the baby... This is wrong...he is gonna be angry at me" she said then howled as another contraction took over.

"paisley your talking nonsense...and besides I'm not meeting this baby yet...we will make it to the hospital I promise" I replied.

Paisley just nodded.

"Sheriden I don't think the tens thing is working... It still hurts so much" she said rubbing a hand over her face.

"its not the best is it, I've only used it a couple of times... here I will take it off" I said taking the sticky pads off of her.

Paisley cried out with her labour pains, I took the hair band from my own pony tail and plaited paisleys long black hair and tied it up for her, "that should cool you down a bit" I soothed

I noticed the blue reflection from the ambulance lights enter the room as the ambulance drove in to my drive way.

"thank God! Pais the ambulance is here, I'll let them in" I said dashing out to the entrance hall.

I opened the door to two paramedics.

"she is just through here, she was due to have a scan tomorrow to see if the placenta had moved out the way" I said as we walked in to the room paisley was in.

"hello paisley... How we doing there?" Paisley just nodded at the paramedic as a form of saying hi as she had yet another contraction.  
"my name is rob, and this is Aimee" the paramedic said introducing himself.

"Paisley I'm gonna have to have a look to see how things are going on down there, can you try laying down in a comfy position" rob said.

Aimee had handed paisley the gas and air, the relief it gave her showed instantly on her face. Paisley laid down on my couch while rob had a look how the situation was for paisley down below.

"okay paisley...I've got good news and bad news" rob said with a smile as he pulled paisley long skirt back down.

I walked over and held paisleys hand as she sat up looking scared stiff.

"good news is, the babys head is engaged, I can see it, so there is no need to worry about the placenta anymore, and the bad news is I'm not sure if baby is going to wait until we reach the hospital, so we will try and get there as quick as we can okay" rob said smiling.

I squeezed paisleys hand.

They then got her in a wheel chair once her latest contraction had passed and got her in to the ambulance.

I phoned kendall to say we were on our way to the hospital... And to hurry the fuck up before he missed the birth of his first born.

"you won't leave me on my own will you Sheriden?" Paisley said as she sucked the gas and air in like it was going out of fashion.

"no... Course I won't. Kendall will be there soon too" I said.

Paisley made it to the hospital, she was taken straight to the delivery room.

She was deliriously high on the gas and air, she was amusing me with her funny chit chat.

"I've been here before Sheriden... I've done all this before, its like I'm reliving my life... I've defiantly been here before" she rambled on.

I smiled at her "high as a fucking kite, you are" I laughed.

She giggled back at me.

she held her hand out for me to take as another contraction came. The midwife that was in the room was gloved and prepped ready to go. Just as I prayed kendall would soon be here he walked in the room.

"pais... Thank God... I made it" he smiled.

Paisley had a look of such relief on her face which soon turned to pain as she pushed on another contraction.

I tried to let go of her hand but she would let me go  
"please stay" she said panting.

I looked at her, then at kendall.  
"I'm sorry pais... I will be just outside okay... Good luck" I said giving her a kiss on the forehead and giving kendalls hand a squeeze which he squeezed back as I walked past him and out the delivery room door.

James was out side waiting. I buried myself in to his chest as he took me in his strong arms.

"that was close" I said to him smiling.

He chuckled " not sure if I will still have a drivers licence after today, think I ran 4 red lights"

I smiled at him.

"this is it then Sheri" James said "you ready?" He asked.

I shook my head "I think its gonna be weird but I can't wait to meet it... Bruno" I laughed.

"what about you, your gonna get broody like you do with mia" I laughed nervously, scared that having a baby so close in our lives now will make James realise that he is making a mistake by marrying me and deciding to not have kids.

James saw the worry in my eyes, and heard the nervousness in my laugh.  
"all I need is you... I love you" he replied.

We sat outside the delivery room for ages, I panicked that things had gone wrong but the midwife soon left the room, I looked at James.

"did you hear a baby cry?" He said in a whisper.

"no..." I replied.

We sat in silence for a few minutes until the door opened and kendall walked out.

"you guys wanna be the first to meet baby Schmidt" he smiled.

I didn't say anything but James gently pulled me up and walked in to the room taking me with him.

Paisley look exhausted, she lay in her bed with her tiny baby cradled in her arms.

Kendall then picked up the baby with nervous arms and held it out for me to take.  
I sat in the chair next to paisleys bed, not trusting my legs to not fail me with such a precious tiny being to hold.

Kendall passed the baby to me.

A mop of jet black hair was the first thing to catch my attention.

I looked up at James, he was beaming.

"I would like you guys to meet Ophelia rose Schmidt" paisley said to James and I.

"Ophelia... Like Shakespeare?" James asked sitting on the arm of the chair I sat on and took in the gorgeousness of his best friends new baby girl.

"yeah... Hamlet, pais has a thing for Shakespeare, she used to think her and Ophelia were pretty similar in a depressing way" he said rolling his eyes.

"but baby Ophelia is going to change everything about my crappy past" paisley smiled.

"its a beautiful name paisley... She is beautiful" I stared at baby Ophelia.

"can I take a picture?" James asked holding his phone in his hand.

"yeah course, I'll take it" kendall said taking the phone, and James slung an arm around me as we posed for our picture"

"she definitely wouldn't of suited Bruno pais" I laughed.

"can I hold her" James said.

I passed Ophelia back to kendall and got out of the chair, I think I found it more upsetting to see James with a baby than kendall

He looked really natural with children, my heart ached away just watching him.

"you feeling okay now paisley? That was a bit scary for a bit back there huh" I said still looking at James.

"yeah I'm a lot better now... Thank you, for everything, you were amazing" she said.

I didn't feel amazing, I felt... Normal, I didn't feel much apart from the heart ache of seeing James hold the baby. I was happy with that feeling. I expected a lot worse, I could cope with this

I noticed kendall looking at paisley, they were giving each other this unspoken chat, like oh my God that's our baby.

"James come on, let's leave this little family to it now." I said giving kendall a nudge to take the baby from him.

Kendall took Ophelia and sat in the chair holding her.

I looked at him for what seemed like several minutes but I only felt excitement for him. My response to all these new sights and feelings really pleased me. It was no where near as bad as I thought it would be.

"take care pais... I'll be working you hard soon in that studio" he mocked

"I actually can't wait" she replied.

James gave kendall a pat on the shoulder, kendall looked up from his beautiful black haired daughter and smiled.

once back home and tidied up from the mornings events I sat with James in our beautiful garden.

"so how are you feeling about all this baby stuff... You looked pretty at home holding the baby today" I asked James as he sat tanning his body on the lounger next to me.

"it was nice, pais is gonna be a great mom, kendall looked over the moon didn't he?" James replied.

"James... How did it make you feel, don't hide behind paisley and kendall" I said.

James sat up and faced me, he used his hand as a sun shade so he could see me better  
"Sheriden I'm fine, it was nice to be uncle James, but I honestly don't feel like your thinking I'm feeling. I've excepted we aren't having children. I'm being honest baby. We have talked about this so much that the reality of a baby isn't that different to how I imagined it... If you've changed your mind somewhere between Christmas and now then you need to be honest" he said.

"James I've not changed my mind. I just worry about you... I love you" I replied.

"I love you too, let's just take each day as it comes okay, don't just think about shit Sheri, I want you to tell me what's going on in that head... Promise me" he said looking me in the eye.

"I promise " I said.

"so semi finals this weekend... " James said about my TV show.

"I know, I can't believe how quick its gone, I'm excited though. I don't know what to wear to the final after party" I said in two minds of the four possible designer outfits I had wittled it down to.

"go with the blue one" James said.

"you think? ... It is nice" I said just a James' mobile rang.

"hello" he answered with.

"yeah she is amazing. Sheriden had a close encounter... Haha... Yeah its madness... What time? ...I'm not sure bro... Yeah I know its been a while... How is she doing now?... That's good though... Yeah hopefully man... Okay see you soon... Take care buddy.. Bye" James hung up.

"who was that " I asked.

"Logan, paisley text him and said she is going home later if she gets the all clear and asked if Logan and Mackenzie wanted to pop down to see the baby tomorrow, Mackenzie is back home with logan. he was asking if we wanted to meet them down there, he asked if I could tell Carlos" James finished.

"James stop being the go between for him and Carlos... Carlos is a complete tit with what he does over Mackenzie... I honestly don't know why Logan bothers" I sighed remembering all the disgusting things Carlos says to Mackenzie.

"I'm not a go between I just appreciate that its difficult for them to get along, I don't think Carlos will ever forgive her though" James said.

"did you want to phone him?" James asked me.

"not really... I'm not really talking to him from his last outburst" I explained.

the last time all the btr boys and girlfriends had been in the same room was for Logans birthday last month.  
All was going well until Carlos noticed Mackenzie had gotten a new tattoo on her back, which she proudly showed off in a backless dress and her very long dark red hair swept to one side. The tattoo was an inscription which read along her spine in beautiful swirly writing "its not who you are to the world,its who your are to me"

Carlos saw this as a fantastic opportunity to ridicule her once again, he asked her who the tattoo was about, obviously it was Logan, she proudly said as much to him. he then rambled on about who Mackenzie was to him and how the world should know that she cheated on him.  
He said she should get a more realistic tattoo, maybe one on her forehead saying 'cock tease' .  
Having heard all this shit I then butted in to have yet another go at Carlos' attitude but he told me to fuck off and said 'what is this? Sluts convention?'

When I asked him why he was now having a go at me he said that I'm just as bad at stringing men along. He then called Mackenzie a whore and stomped off home.

He was so childish about it all. I'm not even convinced that he was all that in love with Mackenzie, she appears incredibly boring to me, but she keeps Logan busy, he runs after her like a little lap dog.

"please Sheri" James said with his big puppy eyes.

"tell me where we are going on honey moon and I will phone Carlos" I said.

James got up from his lounger and walked the little distance to where I sat and pulled me off my seat, sat on it him self then pulled me down on to his lap.  
"I will tell you where you are going" he said running his hand along the side of my chest.

I smiled in anticipation.

"I will be taking you to seventh heaven and back at least 4 times a day" he laughed.

I gave him a pretend slap for leading me on.  
"James... Stop being so wicked" I laughed watching his eyes glint at me.

"phone him for me... You need to patch things up... He is a complete idiot but he is still your Carlos under it all" he said giving me a kiss.

"fine... I will call him" I said with pretend angry eyes and took his phone from his hand that wasnt caressing my body.

I dialled and it rang.

"hi, Sheriden...how's you?" Carlos picked up to.

"hey Los, yeah I'm good... How are you? " I asked

"not too bad, I've been meaning to call Sheriden, I'm sorry about what I said at Logans birthday... I'm going to sort my self out from now on, I promise, she hurt me Sheriden... And pissed me off with that std... Any way I'm sorry" he said, he actually sounded like he meant it.

"Los its fine, but... Well to be honest its getting to the point now that no one wants to invite you out if Logans and Mackenzie are there... Its better to just keep your mouth shut... Honestly Los" I said.

"yeah I know ..." He replied softly.

"well listen, kendall is a daddy..." I said the words without really listening to them... It sounded like a very odd sentence.

"what... She has had it?" Carlos screamed down the phone.

"yeah, a baby girl, Ophelia her name is, she is beautiful. We are hoping to all go round to theirs tomorrow if you wanna join...Mackenzie will be there... Los I'm not being funny but if you ruin such a special occasion because of some remark you make to kenz then its going to piss a lot of people off"

"Sheriden I wouldn't do that...what time?" He asked.

"I'm not sure hang on" I said to Carlos.

"James what time?" I asked.

"logues said around lunch" James replied.

"did you hear that? About lunch time Los"

" okay I will see you there" Carlos replied.

We said our goodbyes and hung up.

I looked at James he gave me his raised eye brow look... I loved that look

"you gonna give me a preview of seventh heaven then maslow?" I said with a raised eyebrow of my own.

James smiled at me "gladly " he replied


	64. Chapter 64

Mackenzies story

"did you want this?" My sister savannah asked holding a glossy magazine in her hand.

"no, I've read it cover to cover, just chuck it thanks sav' " I replied as I packed the last of my belongings in to my over night bag.

I had been given the all clear to go home from hospital. My sister had been staying with me to celebrate her 18th birthday but we didn't get to celebrate anything because of my stupid asthma.

Logan walked in to my ward "morning sav'... Good morning beautiful" he said to me as he gave me a kiss.

My sister smiled at Logan as she now had her head in my magazine reading something that had caught her eye.  
"morning logues... I'm allowed home, yay go me" I mocked.

"that's cool, I have exciting news too... Paisley has had her baby today" he beamed.  
Logan loved paisley, they were best friends really. Bizarrely enough seeing as I was once paisleys best friend I think I came in third place now up against Logan and Sheriden.

"oh my god, what did she have?" I screamed.

"a little girl, Ophelia rose, and she weighed in at 6lb on the dot" Logan said matter of factly.

"that's an odd name, I thought she was dead against the weird ones" savannah said.

Logan shrugged "I like it" he responded "she has invited us down tomorrow to meet her, I think James and Sheriden are going... Sav' your welcome to come down too, pais will be pleased to see you" he added.

"sounds great huh sav?, I promise we will do something fun after seeing as your birthday was such a washout" I said to my sister.

"I desperately need you to sort my extensions out kenz, so I think that's all tomorrow night will hold for us" she said now playing with some of her hair.

"you need to take a break from them sav' you will get bald patches" I moaned.

"you girls and your hair!" Logan said, "are you good to go?" Logan asked grabbing my bag.

"yeah I think so" I replied

"good... Savannah I'm going to steal Kenzie away from you, she is staying with me until I know she is completely better, your welcome to stay too if you want" Logan said out of the blue.

savannah made a funny face, "no I will stay at the flat... I've had enough of hearing you two screw" she said bluntly.

"savannah!" I moaned.

"what? I never get any sleep when Logan stays at yours... Besides, I know your pretty much living with him at his house" she said smugly.

Logan looked at me and smirked.

"did you tell her?" I snapped at Logan.

"no he didn't tell me, but last time I left to fly home I washed up the dishes I used at yours and the exact same things were still on the drainer waiting for me when I returned to your apartment two weeks later... Plus you always have the water switched off" she smiled "I won't tell mom if you tint my eye lashes tomorrow as well doing my extensions".

"blackmailed by my own sister... Nice. Fine I will do your hair and eyelashes" I agreed and we left the hospital.

The following day, Logan picked savannah up from my flat and we all drove down to meet paisleys new baby.  
As we pulled in to the drive way I noticed Carlos' new car sat there.

Logan saw my shoulders slump at the sight of it. He rubbed my leg "the more he sees us the better kenz" he said.

"kenz I wish I had of been there on Logans birthday, I would of told him where to stick it for you, I don't give a fuck what that prick thinks of me

"no just ignore it savannah, honestly its not worth the arguement" Logan said.

paisley answered the door to us.

"hey guys... Hi savannah, how are you I've not seen you for ages" she said giving all three of us hugs.

"she's fine...where is the baby pais, I'm so excited." I said.

paisley smiled "she is asleep on kendall at the moment.

We walked in and all layed eyes on kendall who was spread out on one of his leather sofas with a tiny pink bundle on top of him.

"oh my God guys, look at her" I said as I sat next to kendall.

"do you want to hold her?" Kendall said.

"aww she is asleep though" I said.

"its okay she is zonked," kendall replied sitting up and handing the baby over to me.

Carlos walked out of the kitchen with a soda.  
"hey" he said quietly to us, only Logan replied to him.

kendall was still cooing over his daughter as she lay in my arms. she was beautiful, a massive tuft of jet black hair on her head, a gorgeous completely round face.

"how was she for you last night? Bit of a shock to the system was it?" I asked him.

"I hardly slept, not really because she was awake, but just ... I dunno, just watching her, she is amazing... Look at her little hands" he said sticking a finger in to the Babys palm.

"how did you come up with Ophelia?" Carlos asked as he watched us.

"the midwife said we were mushy like Romeo and Juliet, pais said hopefully not as tragic, then she came up with Ophelia, from hamlet. She is a Shakespeare buff. If I had a dollar for every time she made me watch 10 things I hate about you I could retire now" kendall replied.

I smiled at paisley as she also stood and watched me snuggle with her baby girl "I have a feeling that's more to do with heath ledger than pais liking her Shakespeare" I said chuckling.

"true" paisley replied.

"pais sit down" kendall said.

"no, honestly its more comfy to stand, feels like my insides might fall out" she laughed.

Carlos then sat on the other side of me to look at the baby, he smiled at me.  
"she is beautiful" he said

the door knocked, Logan who was stood next to it opened it up, Sheriden and James came in with a massive bouquet of flowers and a bag of goodies for the baby.

"do I have to join a queue to get a hold of Ophelia" Sheriden said with a smile.

"no course not" I stood up and passed the baby to Sheriden.  
"do you want a drink guys?" Paisley asked.

"I'll do it pais" I said as I walked out to the kitchen, Logan followed me out.

"see... That was good, he sat next to you at least" Logan said as he got a bunch of soda cans out the fridge.

" I don't trust him babe, last time I thought he was being nice he chucked me in a swimming pool" I said.

"I think sheridens had a word with him that has finally sunk in, go easy on him kenz, if I lost you to him then I would be pissed off too." He said cornering me in his arms up against the kitchen counter.

"you knew me so much better than he ever did back then logues, I don't get why he appears so heart broken about it all" I replied.

"because he is Carlos, he wears his heart on his sleeve, and his girlfriend and his best friend went behind his back and screwed him over... Normal people don't take too kindly to that, let alone people with the mental age of 12" Logan said and kissed me.

I kissed him back before getting the giggles.

A loud cough came from near the kitchen door.

Logan and I turned to look at Carlos who was stood there.

"I have been acting like a 12 year old... I'm sorry kenz. I hope you can forgive me for all the crap" he said.

I looked at Carlos not really knowing what to say.

"its okay, its going to take a while to prove that I mean it" he said.

"that's great man... Thanks, it means a lot" Logan said slinging an arm over me.

"Everything okay in here" kendall said popping his head in the door.

"yeah its all great bro" Carlos said.

"cool... cmon then we have things to talk about" kendall said ushering us back out to the living room.

Sheriden was sat with James, she still had the baby in her arms, paisley still remained standing but leaned on the back of the sofa. My sister Sat on the sofa opposite, Logan then sat next to her and I sat on his lap. Carlos stayed standing.

Kendall walked over to paisley and put his arm around her waist.

"Ophelia came a little earlier than we bargained for" kendall started " so we didn't get to finish off all our to do list, did we pais?" He gave paisley a smile and a squeeze "basically now your all here we wanted to ask you guys a few things."

all eyes were now on kendall, I had a feeling a marriage proposal was coming

"I've already asked my brother and his girlfriend if he would like the responsibility which he excepted but Logan... And Mackenzie, would you also like to be Ophelias god parents? Steer her in the right direction when she needs it?" kendall finished.

"its an honour man, we would love to wouldn't we kenz" Logan said.

"yeah course, thanks pais, it means a lot" I said, paisley smiled at me.

"Carlos, if you could promise that you will be the cool one and buy her alcohol when she begs you on her 16th birthday" paisley said laughing.

Carlos laughed "sure that's a done deal" he chuckled.

kendall then looked at Sheriden. I felt sorry for her really, I bet she dipped out on god parent because James wasnt Christian.

She smiled at kendall. "Sheriden, and James..." He began.

"this is totally up to you guys... Sleep on it if you want...but paisley and I ... Well if anything happened to us, we would like it if you would ..." Kendall couldn't think of appropriate words

Paisley took over.

"we would be happy knowing that Ophelia would have a loving family like you guys to rely on if anything did happen to kendall and I... Sleep on it... We won't be offended if you say no, I just feel of all the people in our lives, you and Sheriden could love her like no one else" paisley finished with a smile.

James gave Sheriden a kiss on the head "that's really something... thanks guys, if its okay that we have a chat about it... Obviously with how things are..." James started but Sheriden interrupted.

"no ... James, I would love to have that job if you are willing... Love to" she said to him.

James smiled at her "then... we would love to" James said to kendall and paisley.

"right I'm gonna have to steal Reno jnr off you princess, " Logan said to Sheriden.

I stood up so Logan could get off the sofa.

The evening progressed well, Carlos didn't say anything out of order at all, he was actually very friendly.

Once Ophelia began to get a bit grizzly I nudged Logan to make a move home, I had a long night of doing my sisters hair ahead of me.

"pais we are going to leave you in peace, she is so beautiful" Logan said as he gave her a hug.

"oh you don't have to go guys. Its nice for us all to be together" paisley said.

"well Kenzie has got to do savannahs hair and stuff, so I have a boring night ahead" he chuckled.

"yeah I will make a move too paisley, she is a credit to you both. Let's hope she looks like you" Carlos said laughing.

We said good bye to everyone and walked out to our cars. Carlos took the opportunity to show Logan his new car. Logan was suitably impressed.

"listen man if your not doing anything tonight maybe we could hang out, you could come round mine and play ps3 instead of watching hair being done" Carlos said to Logan.

"I would love to Los but kenz has been really poorly... I don't wanna leave her really" Logan replied.

"oh right... yeah course..." Carlos replied.

"...well feel free to come round ours... Mine, its been ages since we hung out Los" Logan offered. He was too nice for his own good.

Carlos looked at me but I looked away, it was going to take a lot more than playing silly games with my boyfriend to make me forgive him for everything.

"are you sure" Carlos asked.

"yeah positive, go on" Logan added.

Carlos agreed and said he would follow us down to Logans house.

On the journey back in the car Logan brought the subject up " you don't mind do you kenz?" He asked.

"no... I want you guys to be good friends again i just hope he isn't up to something logues, I just don't trust him... Its gonna take a while, you know" I replied.

"I know baby, If he tries anything then he is out okay... Or we will set savannah on him" he laughed.

"too fucking right you can" savannah added from the back.

I had my work cut out for me with my sisters hair, removing the weave, cutting, colouring, then putting in new extensions plus an eyelash tint.

She looked amazing by the time I had finished but I was exhausted and looked like a bag of shit, I slumped next to Logan now dressed in my pjs who was playing against Carlos in a racing game

Logan looked at me then did a double take "shit kenz, you alright, you look as white as a sheet" he said.

I nodded and rested my head on his shoulder. "just tired looking forward to bed time I smiled

"I'll take your go Logan" savannah said taking his controller before he could even answer. She was Sat on the other side of Logan, neither of us wanted to sit with Carlos on his sofa

Savannah enjoyed her video games, but I think she saw it as a good opportunity to beat Carlos and call him some name along the way.

"you fucking Dick" she shouted as her car got nudged out of 1st place.  
Carlos laughed at her.

She ended up coming in third, they began another game.

Logan whispered in my ear.  
"you sure you okay, you look ill Kenzie"

"I'm fine, just want to relax in bed... Maybe let you make love to me" I whispered back with a glint in my eye.

Logan looked me up and down, taking in the sights of my body,  
"its a good idea I think you should let me... I bet I could relax you" he hushed back at me smiling.

"love you logues" I said not bothering to whisper

"Jesus, go fuck her brains out already Logan, she is going to ruin your sofa if you two carry on like that for much longer" savannah said very loudly, I think it was more to annoy Carlos than to embarrass me.

"sav'! " Logan said with a half smile on his face.

"what? ...Logan you turn me on sometimes with some of the crap you whisper in her ear... You will Defo need an upholstery specialist to get that stain out" she said looking and laughing at me.

"savannah that is disgusting" I laughed "I don't want to hear my sister say things like that" I finished, chuckling. I was enjoying the look of horror that now sat on Carlos' face.

Savannah laughed "but its okay to hear my sister say things like 'cum in my face logues... Harder logues... Oh my god logues...' That's disgusting kenz, those walls in the apartment are paper thin" she laughed.

Logan was in hysterics.

"you're a bitch sav' " I said going as red as my hair.

"can I grab a lift back Logan" she then said in all seriousness as Carlos beat her again on the car game.

"I thought you said you would stay tonight" I asked her.

"Na I don't fancy it... This place is too posh" she said bluntly.

Logan looked at me and rolled his eyes.  
"you can tell you two are related... Yeah I'll grab my shoes then drive you back" Logan said.

" well I'm going to get going, I don't mind dropping her off, the salon is on my way" Carlos said.

"really that's kind thanks Los" Logan said

"err I don't think so" savannah said looking at Carlos like he was a disease.

"sav... Don't be rude, besides its either we drag kenz out with us in her fluffy slippers or we leave her with Carlos here, Coz I'm not leaving her on her own"

I looked at my sister, there was no way I wanted to be left alone with him  
"fucks sake... I'm not making small chat with you" she said to Carlos.

"she is a charmer isn't she" Carlos said to me but I didn't reply.

"savannah call me when your home okay, I will give you ten minutes" I said loudly, I knew Carlos wouldn't hurt her but I didn't trust him at all.

"she will be fine kenz" Carlos said putting his shoes on "thanks for inviting me round it was fun" he added.

Logan responded to him, I didn't want to waste another breath on Carlos pena, I will never forgive him for what he did to Logan when he found out I had slept with him behind his back, breaking his cheekbone and eye socket.

I gave my sister a hug and watched as her grumpy face got in Carlos' new car.  
Logan and I waved her off.

Logan looked at me as he stayed waving.  
"I will give you a five second head start kenz, then I'm going to fuck you where I find you" Logan said, beginning our sexy little game of hide and seek that would entertain us in more ways than one.

"5 seconds ... What the fuck? That's not long enou..." I tried to say but Logan interrupted me.

"one!..." He laughed, I then ran in to the house trying to find a decent spot that I could enjoy some Logan time. There was no way I would make it upstairs but I darted For it anyway but half way up Logan grabbed me around the waist.

"stairs huh... " he said kissing me.

I smiled." Not intentionally" I said breaking away from his .

"come on then" he whispered taking my hand and leading me up to our bedroom.

Logan watched me as I undressed from my pyjamas, leaving them scattered on the floor.

I then undressed him, removing his tee shirt that he wore and running my hand along his perfect chest. I loved it, it was muscly and hard and smooth, I kissed along it as I unbuttoned his jeans.

Logan ran his fingers down my side, it tickled and gave me goose bumps .

Once undressed we lay on the bed.  
"I missed you so much not being here kenz" Logan said as he kissed me.

I wrapped my arms tighter around him, he entered me and made love to me slowly.

Usually Logan wasnt the make love type, he usually banged my brains out, but on the occasions that he was feeling over protective of me he would lavish on my body slowly and romantically.

I knew I was going to be in love with Logan Henderson for the rest of my life.


	65. Chapter 65

**Savannahs story**

"how long are you staying with Kenzie for" the Dickwad asked me.

"Carlos, I said I didn't want to make small talk..." I replied staring out in to space.

"okay... Just being friendly" he replied

I didn't bother to respond to him but he must of felt the silence as awkward as he wouldn't shut the fuck up.

"I am sorry... You know about how I treated Mackenzie but she hurt me real bad... Your too young to understand I guess" he said.

"don't patronise me Carlos, I'm 18 I've had my fair share of heart ache but I've never done anything as stupid as some of the shit kenz tells me about you... She fucking hates your guts... She has already told me that when the time comes that her and Logan walk down the isle, you won't even have an invite... You must be a fucking specialist at pissing people off, because my sister is the nicest person I know, you screw with her and you will get the wrong end of me..." I snapped back.

"I can't remember the last time she even spoke to me... Your very different to Mackenzie, but your like the blonde version of her... You look very alike" he said.

"gross" was all I said back.

"gross? You don't like looking like your sister?" The dumb ass asked.

"no what's gross is that you think I'm hot Coz I look like my sister... The thought of that repulses me. I think some sick just came in my mouth actually" I retorted.

Carlos laughed.

"you speak your mind don't you savannah" he replied.

"I don't see the point in sugar coating the truth" I spat back at him.

"I guess not... I really did love her in my defence" he said.

"she used to really love you too, then she met you and changed her mind" I said in an upbeat way.

"okay" was all he replied.

"she is so in love with Logan its untrue" I carried on.

"really... Your very loyal to your sister aren't you?... Maybe a change of subject?" He requested.

"you never gave my sister the option of a change of subject each time you called her a slut, whore or bitch, why should I spare your feelings now?" I said calmly.

"because I'm behind the wheel of the car that's in motion perhaps" he threatened in a jokey way.

"please!, you haven't even gone near the speed limit yet, I think you would cry if you got a speck of dust on it, this car is a waste on a moron like you... Logan knows how to impress kenz with his car... " I loved winding up this douche bag.

"fuck off, no he doesn't, Logans car doesn't even belong to him anyway, he wouldn't dare rag it... Or risk Mackenzie by messing around" he snapped back.

"still fact of the matter is you don't have the balls to put this machine to the test" I said giving the dash a stroke to pity the car that it had such an idiotic owner.

"yeah I do" he replied.

"Carlos your boring me now..." I replied going back to my staring out the window position.

"fuck it" Carlos declared then put his foot down on the pedal down the deserted road.

"oooh stop it your scaring me" I said sarcastically.

"red light coming... I'm running it unless you say stop sav?... Your call... Quick" he said.

"you don't have the balls Carlos" I said watching as his foot was still flat on the gas.

"I'm gonna run it unless you say stop... Soon see who the chicken is huh?" He said.

"kenz is gonna hate you when she hears about this" I said now actually feeling uneasy as the car was bombing it down the road.

"she hates me any way, doesn't make any diff" he said.

"run it then" I bluffed.

Carlos laughed  
"okay" think its too late to stop now any way.

The car shot through just as the red light turned amber, Carlos whooped regardless.  
"in your fucking face savannah, I was well over 100mph there.

the car began slowing down as Carlos took his foot off the peddle.  
"woo fucking hoo, aren't you just a real man now" I mocked him.

"oh fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" Carlos then said looking in his mirror.

I turned around and saw flashing blue lights in the distance and let out a laugh.

"well its not fucking funny is it?" Carlos said as he pulled over "I'm going to lose my fucking licence now I'm on 5 points already in two years... Fuck!" He shouted.

"Jesus stop whining like a little girl, move your ass" I said un buckling my seat belt. Carlos just sat in his seat.

"move your ass," I repeated undoing his seatbelt and pulling him over to my seat.

"savannah what the fuck?" He said.

"Jesus do you want to keep your license or not? Get out the fucking seat" I snapped at him.

He did finally swap, it was awkward squeezing past each other in the tiny sports car, I just about got buckled up in the drivers seat when a knock came to the tinted window.

"where is the button?" I asked.

"what?" Carlos said.

"Jesus the fucking button for the window" I explained.

"oh... There you go" Carlos said pressing a button in the centre of the dash.

" hi officer... What up?" I said cheerily to the very handsome cop that stood at my window.

"what's up, is that you where 4 times over the speed limit... License and registration please."

I grabbed my bag from the footwell Carlos now had his feet in and got my license out of my purse.

"the car doesn't belong to me" I said to the police man as I handed him my drivers license.

"do you have permission to use this vehicle miss Davies" the cop said as he read the details on my license.

"yep I sure do" I replied and rubbed Carlos' leg.

"are you insured on this vehicle?" The officer asked.

"no that was going to be my first job to do tomorrow wasn't it babe" I said to Carlos.

Carlos just nodded.

the cop eyed the situation in the car and nodded.

"I'm going to run some checks on your license miss Davies. Please remain in your car" he said then walked back to his own vehicle.

"what's with all the babe and leg rubbing?" Carlos asked.

"Coz I'm already doing you a fucking favour on the speeding I'm trying to butter the pig up so I don't get done for no insurance and dangerous driving you idiot" I said.

"thanks for doing this savannah..." Carlos said.

"whatever... You owe me fucking big time" I said just as the cop walked back up to the car.

"miss Davies you already have 3 points on your license in the last 8 months, you will be given another two for the speeding offence, your license will be revoked" the officer said.

"no I don't! I have one point for a minor accident that wasnt even my fucking fault" I argued.

" please do not swear at me miss, it says on the records that you have along with the accident two parking offences... Three points are on your license" he said again.

"fucks sake this is bull shit" I said.

"sav calm down" Carlos said.

"no Carlos... I wasn't aware that I had two parking offences... That's bull shi.." I tried to argue but the police officer interrupted me.

"miss Davies can you step out of the car please" the cop asked.

"what?" I asked "why?"

"step out of the car please I would like you to take a breathalyser test... Have you been drinking this evening miss Davies?" He said.

I looked at Carlos to give him the 'shit I've fucked up big style' eyes as I stepped out of the car, I gathered he knew what I meant as he was now grabbing his head in his hands.

"I may have had a glass of wine with dinner" I lied to the cop. I had about 4 glasses of wine as I did my nails waiting for Mackenzie to finish my hair.

"can you tell me the legal age for drinking please miss Davies" the cop asked.

"21 sir" I replied.

"blow in to this until the green light flashes please" he continued.

I blew in to the breathalyser hoping for a miracle.

"that's brilliant thank you miss Davies" the cop said taking the breathalyzer from me.

"okay it says you are just under" he smiled at me. "I will write you out a ticket for the speeding, once the paper work comes through you will lose your license I'm afraid miss Davies, but I am willing to over look the drinking and will issue you with a verbal warning, next time you will spend the night in a cell... Understood?" He finished.

"yep... Crystal clear" I replied.

the officer bent down in to the car "have you got any ID sir" the policeman asked Carlos.

"sure... There you go..." Carlos replied and handed the officer the ID he had just pulled from his wallet.

"Have you got any proof of insurance that you can show to me for this vehicle?" the cop then asked.

Carlos flipped the visor and handed the policeman his insurance details. The police officer gave it all a good going over.

"okay... Here's what I'm going to do Mr pena, normally I would impound the car as it was being driven without insurance, but I'm going to be lenient tonight seeing as your girlfriend is going to lose her license anyway, and personally if this was my car I would go out of my mind" he smiled "I will issue miss Davies with a fine of 1000 dollars, and let you drive the car away, she its not permitted to drive it do you understand?" The cop finished.

"yes" Carlos said and got out of his passenger side door and walked round.

the officer went through some paper work with me that I had to sign, then wished me a good night as I got In to the passenger side of Carlos' sports car.

Carlos drove off slowly, not saying a word to me. A minute later he pulled in to the little parking lot next to my sisters hair dressing salon and flat that sat above it.

We sat in silence for a minute.

"well that didn't go as I had planned" I declared.

"no... " Carlos agreed.

"well thanks for the lift" I said reaching for the car door.

"savannah... Wait!, I'm really really sorry, I will pay the fine and what ever it costs to get your license back when you can okay... Plus all your travel expenses... I'm sorry" he said.

I slumped back in to the car seat with one leg out the door.

"yeah whatever" I replied.

"my heart is racing like anything now" Carlos said.

"bit of a fucking rush wasnt it?" I laughed as I rested my head on the back of the seat.

"you're insane" Carlos Said laughing.

"well least we know that even I have bigger balls than you Carlos" I smiled.

"yeh... I'll give you that one... You have some big brass hairy balls savannah" he laughed. "if you need a lift when your in LA to go any where give me a call okay" he said.

I laughed "you may regret that" I said.

"what do you mean?" He asked.

I rolled my eyes "long fucking story".

"well I have a while... Was gonna meet some friends but I don't really fancy it now after all that... What is the story?" He asked.

I looked at Carlos.."you want to come in?" I said.

Carlos looked up at Mackenzies flat and sighed.  
"sure okay" he replied.

I rustled around for the keys in my bag and eventually unlocked the door. Carlos followed me up the narrow stairs that ran along the walls of the salon.

As we entered the flat I noticed Carlos take in every detail.

"why don't you take a fucking picture... it will last longer" I said as he stared at the surroundings with Mackenzies belongings that were only here as stage props so our mother wouldn't think she had moved in with Logan after only being with him for such a short time.

"sorry... I've just never got to see any of it... This, she only visited me, I never got round to going to her place... So what's the Long story" he said as he sat down at the tiny kitchen table as he watched me make a coffee.

" well to be fair its a shame your not as nice as Logan Coz your definately better looking, you should of visited her, you should of listened to her that she didn't want to do that lame ass TV show of sheridens too, that was you're down fall from the start, she would talk to Logan for ages on the phone moaning about how you wouldn't listen" I went on.

"really... Well that's lovely and everything savannah but I really don't want to hear about it all... What's this long story?" He asked again "obviously kenz doesn't know about it as you are willing to talk to me about it" he said smugly.

"yeah well like I said Logan is a lot nicer. Basically I'm behind in my rent on the flat in Idaho, and the landlady has asked me to leave" I said.

Carlos looked at me "well that wasn't a very long story was it, I won't be needing that coffee if your finished already?" He remained seated with an even smugger look on his face.

"okay... I got the sack from my job 3 months ago because I got caught doing something I shouldn't of, which has resulted in me not being able to pay the rent" I said handing him his coffee and sitting on the opposite side of the tiny table.

Carlos grinned "what did you do, steal?" He asked

"steal? No! What the fuck do you take me for?... I got in to trouble for sucking someones Dick on company time" I said.

Carlos looked like he wanted to say something but didn't.

"if you dare say any fucking thing about me being a slut like my sister I will hit you" I spat at him.

"I didn't say anything, how did you get caught, did someone walk in on you?" Carlos asked, intrigued by my dirty story.

"no... as far as I was aware the CCTV wasn't working in that room... Hadn't been for weeks, but they fixed it and I didn't realise. I guess I'm lucky I'm not a youtube sensation" I mused " Mackenzie doesn't have a clue about this, she thinks I've got holiday, my mom is going to be upset... my dad is gonna kill me... I'm just hiding out here, not knowing what to do... Any ideas?" I said.

"its pretty fucked up, so your living here then, without your sister knowing?" He asked.

"your smarter than you look, yeah pretty much, I was going to tell her the truth but the first few nights she didn't come back, and the entrances to the flat and the salon are at opposite ends so she never sees me" I sighed.

"shit I was meant to call her half hour ago to say you hadn't killed me", I grabbed my phone and wrote out a short text and sent it to Mackenzie,

"well, I don't really know what advice to offer, kenz will see the funny side if you tell her" he said grinning.

"I doubt it, she will talk to old friends down there and end up hating me... Fucking bastards" I said reliving the memory.

"no she won't, its only sucking a Dick, I'm sure your not the only one to get caught" he said.

"well it wasn't just one Dick, it was a few dicks, all caught on is... My landlady found out the reason I was sacked and kicked me out... I'm lucky they didn't go to the police" I finally confessed.

"what? Hold up... Okay... so you didn't get behind in rent you just got caught doing that and its now common knowledge in your little town that you like to suck Dick" Carlos laughed.

"its not funny" I said looking up to the ceiling realising the mess my life was, now I don't even have my drivers license.

"savannah why would they of phoned the police?... Did... Money exchange hands?"

I couldn't even bring my self to say yes, so I just looked at him.

"savannah... Jesus Christ... Your selling yourself? Why? That's so fucking dangerous" he continued.

"I'm not a prostitute Carlos... I ... never let any one touch me... I just needed the money, I used to go out with this guy, Gavin... He was a lot older than me and he bought me a lot of nice stuff because I would please him but his wife found out and that was the end of that, then this other guy that I've known for ages ... well we went out one night with friends and he was pretty full on with me but I said the only way I would ever suck his Dick is if he brought me a pair of shoes I had had my eye on for months..." I stopped as Carlos' face had a look if horror on it.

"go on..." He said.

I took a sip of coffee "well I got the shoes, put it that way. followed by this this" I said pulling at the cuff of my beautiful red tight leather jacket. "Then things just got out of hand, I will leave it to your own imagination but the room at work had 9 separate occasions filmed on its camera" I said

"savannah... You did all that to get nice things? Your a pretty girl, there is no way you honestly needed to do that" was all he said, his face no longer smiling now he knew it was more serious than just a cheeky blow job.

"please don't tell Mackenzie" I sighed.

"I won't tell her... Sav this is pretty serious... You do know that right? Have you... Done anything similar since you have been staying here?" He asked.

"no I'm not a fucking idiot Carlos. I do realise who my sister is dating. I've would never do that to them" I said.

"good because the last thing big time rush needs is to be linked with shit like that... So when are you meant to be returning home, what have you told Mackenzie... why don't you go back to your mums?" He asked.

"I told kenz two weeks, and my mom has just moved her new fella in to her house, he is a total wank stain, I couldn't stand to live there now...everything is so messed up" I declared.

Carlos rubbed his temples with his thumbs thinking "what are you doing for money out here sav... Seriously its so expensive" was all he asked.

"I get by" I said

Carlos took another look around Mackenzies flat.

"okay well I'm going to leave" he said getting up.

"what? Why are you getting so anal about me now" I snapped.

"because it worries me that your using this place as some kind of brothel and I don't want to be any where near it" he hissed back.

"I'm not..." I screamed "look honestly I'm not, I wouldn't do anything that would hurt Kenzie. I would never do anything like that here... Carlos I promise" I said now more calmly.

"savannah I'm going to ask you this once, have you done anything like that in LA?" He said cooly.

I looked at Carlos as he stood in the doorway of my sisters kitchen.

"I met one guy in a club..." I whispered.

Carlos sat back down at the table "did you sleep with him" he asked.

I shook my head... "Just the same as the others" I whispered

"for stuff or money?" Carlos then asked.

"money... I needed to eat, kenz didn't know I was here and there is fuck all to eat in this flat... But why not, if some dumb ass guys wants to pay me for the pleasure then why the fuck not" I shouted.

Carlos shook his head "you need to get out of LA savannah and sort yourself out... I don't want to sound harsh but your a ticking time bomb for your sister" he said.

"funny how your all caring about kenz now" I said huffing.

"really? Maybe I'm not, I could finish her off with a story like this about you... She would be a laughing stock" he said spitefully.

"you wouldn't?" I said

"course I fucking wouldn't, which is why you have to leave or stop doing it...just tell her the truth" he said.

"I'm not telling her the truth... I promise I will try to get a job though okay, just don't tell her... Jesus why did I tell you, your a fucking ass hole... Get out" I shouted.

"thanks for the speeding thing savannah" he said before walking away out of the flat.

I wish I hadn't told him, but in a way I'm glad I could actually talk about it.

I guess I was a class A slut, I lost my virginity at 13, once it had gone I pretty much just slept with anyone, it never seemed like a special thing to me it was just sex.

Of course my family don't know about my little obsession with sex... Not that I would call it an obsession, its more just something to do, when I was with Gavin he would treat me to nice things for doing things that his wife wouldn't, which was pretty much everything, I didn't see any harm in it but I just learnt it was an easy way to get things.

The first blow job I gave in that little room at work... Yeah I felt a bit seedy after but it went away and the other times were easy after. I just didn't think about it, got on with it and took the money.

I went to sleep thinking about the sexy cop that gave me a dressing down this evening for 'speeding'.


	66. Chapter 66

**Savannahs story continued** - **contains very sensitive scenario that some will find very upsetting  
**  
Carlos woke me up by banging the front door down early the next morning,

I opened it up after getting dressed quick, I knew it was him as I could see his car outside the window of my bedroom.

"what?" I answered.

"don't what me! I have brought things for you" he said barging in.

"things... What things" I said following him up the narrow stairs.

Carlos dumped a couple of bags on the kitchen counter.

"food and stuff so you don't do... What you do, its a way of saying thanks for taking the rap for me last night"

I had a look through the bags,

"Hmmm ... Thanks... I guess, I don't really need anything at the moment, Kenzie makes sure I eat when she knows I'm here" I said.

"well stash it for when you do need it" he replied.

"thanks... I guess. your still a prick though, just so we are clear" I said.

"yeah that's cool, your still an obnoxious loud mouth slut" Carlos said with a smile.

I laughed "great, now get out" I smiled, I rather enjoyed our little insult throwing matches.

I followed Carlos down the stairs of the flat and he opened the door up, on the other side stood Logan with his key in his hand ready to unlock it.

The two boys looked at each other for a second.

"why are you here?" He said looking at Carlos. "Are you okay savannah?" Logan asked.

"course I'm okay... " I replied, "Carlos is ... taking me out to breakfast" I lied.

"okay...why?" Logan asked checking Carlos over to make sure he was wearing different clothes from last night.

"ewe fucksake logues, Carlos got pulled over last night and I took the blame for him, he is taking me out for breakfast as a way of saying thanks... Mackenzie doesn't need to know about it.." I said.

Logan looked at Carlos, "just breakfast... Fucking cops" Carlos replied.

"okay, I saw the car as I turned around after dropping kenz off that's all, just wondered what was going on" Logan said.

"well just breakfast is going on, we were just leaving logues... See you tonight yeah? I will come round after 6 when kenz has finished work" I said.

"sure... " Logan said and began walking away to his car, he turned around "sav?" He said

"yeah?" I replied.

"if you were just heading out, you might want to think about putting some shoes on" he said then got in his car.

Both Carlos and I looked at my bare feet as Logan drove away.

"fucksake, he thinks something funny is going on now" Carlos said.

"I hope not, your disgusting" I replied.

"really, couldn't even pay you to sleep with me I bet huh" he said sarcastically.

"ha fucking ha... No I wouldn't want you ever even if you was the last guy on earth... Besides I already know your not worth it" I said walking back up the stairs, Carlos followed me up.

"why are you still here" I said

"breakfast... Might as well go, least then Logan will hear the story of what you ate" he said.

"fuck sake... I need to get ready first, take a seat." I said.

I was a very high maintenance girl, I liked big hair, big make up and nice things, it came in handy that my sister was an awesome hairdresser.  
90% of me was fake, the hair, the colour, the tan, the eyelashes, the nails but I looked hot to trot, I loved looking my best all the time, so Carlos was going to have a long wait in the kitchen for me to get myself sorted.

"ready" I said well over an hour and a half later.

"Jesus wept! you take ages" Carlos said

"a girls got to look her best. I'm fucking starving Carlos, let's move... Your paying aren't you?" I said.

"yes savannah I will pay... Christ your nothing like your sister at all are you" he said as we walked down the stairs.

"nope, nothing alike, I won't take any of your shit Carlos. You can take me to tarners... Its meant to be nice in there" I declared.

"tarners... I am not taking you to tarners savannah, your getting a MacDonalds if your lucky" he said smiling.

"really? No wonder Mackenzie lost interest in you" I said spitefully.

"fuck off savannah, you always talk such shit" he replied.

Thankfully Carlos did not take me to MacDonalds but to a nice little bistro.

"Jesus will you stop doing that" Carlos moaned.

"doing what fuck face" I replied.

"fuck face? I'm having trouble believing you are an actual girl under neath all that make up with that disgusting mouth you have, but please stop posing like that, you look like a total idiot" he said.

"no I don't Carlos, I look fucking 's why they keep taking photos of me" I replied dryly.

"sorry sweet cheeks, but its because you're with me that the paps are snapping" he replied.

I glared at him, I loved all this attention.

"what are you doing for the rest of the day then, Logan has time off so that must mean you do too.

"I am doing nothing, but I am also doing nothing with you savannah, I know your little game and I'm not buying in I'm afraid" he said.

"what do you mean?" I asked with my sweetest grin.

"you want to use me to get noticed" he replied with a grin "its not happening sav... I can't stand you"

"fine fuck you..." I replied and smiled.

Carlos laughed. "I'm not doing you any more favours than giving you the odd lift"

"that's okay, I can cause my own media attention... It must bite being the under dog of the band" I spat back at him.

Carlos gave me the look of death, he knew full well that he was the least popular of the band in the eyes of the media. Mackenzie had always told me how Carlos loved the spotlight but he hadn't really had any on his own unlike the others.

"is that so, you think you can make your self known in this town ... On your own?" He laughed "I would rather be the under dog than just plain old dog" he said eyeing me up and down.

I chuckled "oh Carlos... You really are dumb, and yes I bet you 50 dollars that I can get myself in the paper with out it coming from your mouth...it will be something I do" I gloated.

Carlos laughed. "deal... 50 bucks, your a no one Savannah and you will stay that way." He retorted.

"fuck you, tell you what... If I win you have to take me to Sheriden Lloyds finale bash next weekend" I said.

"you actually believe you can get noticed within a week for me to take you to sheridens party?... Your deluded" he chuckled.

"no it won't take a week, maybe the end of the day?" I smiled.

Carlos laughed loudly "go for it, I will take you to the party if you succeed" he said.

I smiled.

"no hard feelings" I said.

"what do you mean?" He said still smiling his ridiculous smile at me.

I stood up and threw the water that was in my glass over Carlos' face.

"for that" I replied then walked away getting papped the life out of by the photographers that had been snapping at us during our breakfast.

I began walking home trying to hide the smile that wanted to spread across my face.  
That was for Mackenzie I thought to myself.  
I must of walked for about ten minutes down the road when Carlos' red sports car crept up on me.  
The tinted window wound down.

"your a total Dick savannah I can't believe you did that" Carlos called from his car.

"I Said no hard feelings... Was just business, but I think I have a strong chance of being taken to that after party" I Said still walking along the side walk, the car crawled alongside the curb.

"get in" he said.

"no... I do believe I'm still being photographed." I said looking over my shoulder to one of the paparazzi that had his lens pointed my way.

"savannah get in or I will drive off, it will take you ages to get back to that shitty flat" he shouted through the window.

I looked at him and rolled my eyes. But carried on walking.

"sav' just get in... please" he asked.

I walked up to the window and leaned in. "I wonder what story they will make up about us" I said.

"probably that your an insane bitch... Get in!"

"lovers tiff I expect" I mused.

"savannah I don't give a shit... Look can you just get in so I can drop you of and get rid of you" Carlos said.

"fine" I said and got in the car slamming the door shut.

"Jesus careful, I've only had it two minutes" Carlos moaned.

"oh shut the fuck up, you're like an old woman Carlos, no wonder no girlfriend sticks with you for long." I shouted.

"right get out" he said.

"what?" I asked, confused of the situation now.

"get the fuck out... You can walk" he repeated.

"I'm not getting out of the car" I stated.

"I'm not going to drive you any where until you can behave like an actual person with feelings" he said.

I looked at Carlos, maybe I had over stepped the mark with my girlfriends comment... Did I care? No!  
"oh I see, your gay now? because that sounded really bent Carlos.. Fuck, you need to seriously grow a set, you dish it all out, but when a little girl says some hurtful words you, you're all about feelings... You can feel this " I said pointing my middle finder up at him "feel it up your ass hole" I finished and crossed my arms over my chest.

Silence filled the car for several minutes. When I finally did look at Carlos he tried to have a serious face on him.  
"Dick" I said and he cracked a smile which made me laugh.

"your a fucking retard Carlos" I said chuckling to myself.

"and your a bitch" he replied starting up his engine

Carlos dropped me off at the flat above my sisters salon.  
"see you at six then" I said as I got out.

"what?" He replied.

"I said see you at six, I need a lift to Logans house, you said you would give me lifts because you made me lose my license" I explained.

"get a taxi... There you go" he said handing over 30 dollars, I don't want to see you're face again today" he said.

I took the money and smiled "second thoughts I will just grab a lift with kenz and Logan when he picks her up" I Said stuffing the money on my pocket.

"savannah... I don't believe you..." He said.

"better believe it sweet cheeks" I retorted using his patronising word from earlier back at him. "I will see you next Saturday when you pick me up for sheridens after party" I winked and walked up to my sisters flat. "I will be ready at 8:30" I called from the front door.

"yeah whatever see you Friday" he called from his window and drove off.

The rest of the day went very nicely, I walked down to the salon at six to help Mackenzie lock up and wait for Logan to pick us up.

Mackenzie wanted to get a takeaway in and veg out with a movie. This sounded like a good plan.

"so Logan said that you went out to breakfast with Carlos?" My sister said sceptically.

I laughed, "yeah he is such a jumped up little prick, check this out" I said loading up the celeb news on my phone and finding the amazing photograph of me drenching Carlos with my water, and then another one of him curb crawling me, which looked like he was begging for forgiveness for something.

"oh my God" Mackenzie said laughing.  
"that is priceless" .

"its all fairly innocent, he said I couldn't work my way in to the press on my own... I won the bet" I smirked.

"its amazing I think I might print it and frame it" she said

"the amazing part is he is taking me to sheridens end of season party next Saturday" I beamed.

"well that's disturbing, I would call that a date savannah, he is a nasty piece of work. don't get mixed up with him" my sister said

"I can't stand the guy, it is definitely not a date, I'm more using him as a stepping stone for the world to see my beauty... Besides a tube of pringles had more charisma than that guy" I said smiling.

"I don't know why you would want to go to that" Mackenzie said pulling a funny face.

"are you not going?" I asked.

"nope, I hate things like that, I will go if its something important for Logan, but that is a Sheriden Lloyd thing so I'm steering clear... Logues is going though, so keep an eye that no one takes advantage if he drinks too much, usually paisley will be on Logan watch but I doubt she is going" she said.

"Logan watch? Kenz Logan is mad about you, just because he used to be a man whore doesn't mean he is now" I said matter of factly.

"a man whore?... Nice thanks sav" Logan said standing behind me, he had just walked in without me hearing the door go.

"hey I was sticking up for you, it was kenz saying your gonna need a baby sitter at sheridens thing next week... You have moi" I said cheerily.

Logan ignored me and went to Kenzie and gave her a kiss "I would never hurt you baby, you know that I hope" he whispered to her.

Mackenzie looked embarrassed, she gave me death eyes just like Carlos had earlier.

"course I do logues, I didn't mean like that, I'm sorry" she said.

"its okay, no need to be sorry, trust is earnt, I know that" he said kissing her again.

Once kenz had finished doing her till, and locked up we had a nice evening around Logans, he had this miniature cinema room in his house, it was basically a massive fucking TV, and a bunch of leather cinema chairs set out in the room.

We watched a couple of ridiculous 80's horrors after we had eaten. Then sat in Logans lounge.

"Savannah what are you going to wear to sheridens doo then? its going to be a very fancy bash, I couldn't stand being in the same room as all them models in there designer gear" Mackenzie said.

"shit, I hadn't even thought of that... I will have to go shopping" I replied.

"yeah and what's all this that you took the blame for Carlos getting a speeding ticket?" She added.

I glared at Logan "trust is earnt?" I said to Logan, who had clearly gone behind my back and told my sister. "thanks a fucking bunch Logan... Jack ass!" I spat at him.

"sorry, I'm just a man whore after all sav" he replied smiling.

I smiled back sarcastically "yes I swapped seats with Carlos so he wouldn't lose his license, its no big deal" I explained a fraction of the story, pissed off now knowing that however loyal Logan was to my sister, he would stab me in the back with little or no notice... Prick, last time I tell him anything.

Logan and Mackenzie dropped me off to the flat, I checked my bank online, I had 60 dollars in my account, and thirty dollars that I had snagged off of Carlos.

90 bucks wasn't going to get me a designer dress for the party. It wouldn't even get me a nice pair of shoes.

I had a look in my bag that had all my clothes that I had brought with me to california, the rest of my belongings were either in my car back in Idaho or in my friend louise's moms garage... In Idaho.

I rifled through everything but nothing was going to be good enough, I needed money.

I found a hot looking dress and did my make up and hair. The advantage of living in this flat is it wasn't far from the city centre.  
I made my way to a club to find some easy money.

Once in, it only took me a few minutes to spot the drunken loner that would most probably part with his hard earned cash for some enjoyment round the back of the club.

I spent about ten minutes talking to him then gave him a few saucy kisses on the dance floor I layed my cards on the table asking if he was up for some fun...he was up for it.

and was an easy 40 bucks.

after blow job number one, I went back inside the club and tried to spot Mr money bags for a possible number 2, I did spot one guy, he was hot, and made some eye contact with me as I danced away, but he ended up talking with another girl.

I was just leaving when I noticed a very drunk guy outside the club stumbling about.

I tried the nice approach and asked if he was okay, he wasnt very coherent but again he was willing to give away his hard earned money for some attention on his smaller than average cock.

This was the beauty of men, they thought about sex constantly, and would do pretty much anything to get a piece of action.

The drunk guy from outside the club just handed me his wallet because he was so pissed, I teased him, asking how good he wanted it then kept taking twentys from him the dirtier my explanation got of what my tongue would do to his Dick.

I got 80 dollars from him, I hoped for his sake he would remember in the morning, men are dumb.

I went home a happy girl and 120 bucks better off. Its only a bit of Dick, I never swallowed so it was no harm done really, once I had enough for a decent dress for this party then I would stop doing it I promised myself.

I did the same the following night, but had to try two clubs before I found one that didn't ask for ID.

I only bagged 30 dollars that night, but still it was 240 in my dress fund now with what I had in my bank already and added to my last two nights of seducing men.

Another couple of evenings doing this and I will be able to get something very stunning to wear to the party. I could see why girls that did do this for a living and get stuck in a rut, this was a lot easier than working 12 hours a day and getting paid peanuts.

I managed to get back in to the first club from two nights ago on my third night out hunting for dress money.

The doorman was a pushover compared to last nights one, only had to give him a flash of thigh from my very short skirt to be allowed in.

I scanned the room and saw my Prey, he was very drunk, I worked my magic but he wasnt having any of it, he said he had a girlfriend.

as I moved away I made eye contact with the hot guy from the first night, but this time he didn't have a girl in his ear talking to him, I smiled.

He came over and talked to me, said I was the hottest girl in here... Which I clearly was.

I kissed him, and he rubbed my hand on his hard Dick over his trousers, I smiled.  
Now was the time to state my business.

"how much would you like for me to give that a lick" I said in his ear.

He gave me the sexiest fucking look I've ever seen, if I wasnt wanting a fabulous dress I probably would of just dragged this Hotty back to the flat and let him fuck my brains out.

"I want you to do more than lick it" he said.

"really? How much do you think I would be worth to sort this out" I said giving his hardness a squeeze.

"oh I see its like that is it?... For you baby I would pay anything to see you on the end of it" he replied.

"mmm that's good then let's go" I said biting my lip and dragging him off to the exit.

he pulled on my arm "what about if I sort you out with my friend too... Its his birthday" the hot guy said.

"as long as your paying sweetheart I don't care" I replied.

The hotty tapped his friend on the shoulder and nodded his head in my direction, the other guy which was built like a house and just as hot looked me over then smiled at his friend.

Easy money tonight.

We left the club and went round the back, it was deserted, no cameras, poor lighting and quiet. Perfect to do what I needed to do.

"who is first then? Birthday boy?" I giggled.

The two boys looked at each other, the big guy who's birthday it was came over, I kissed him, and gave him a little stroke with my hand inside his trousers to get him hard.

I noticed the hot guy who was stood watching was undoing his trousers already too.  
It was seeing that and the look on his face that scared me.

I broke away from my kiss on the big guy.

"maybe this was a bad idea guys, my friends will be wondering where I've got to" I said, my voice shaking.

I tried to run but the big guy grabbed my wrist.

His hot mate then grabbed me from behind and between the two of them they dragged me to the ground.

The big guy pulled his trousers down, and his mate then shoved his hand over my face, he was kneeling on my hair and pinned one of my hands down.

I couldn't see much because of the massive hand that was trying to cover my mouth to stop the cries that tried to escape me.

I felt rough hands pull my skirt up, and then my underwear was yanked down.

The big guy forced my legs open and gained entry to me, it hurt so much, I screamed out for help but the hot guy held his hand tighter over me until It blocked my airways, I stopped screaming just so his grip would loosen so I could breath again.

I heard his disgusting grunts as he came, then the snap of a condom come off his Dick as his huge weight lifted off of me.

He laughed "she was good" the big guy said.

my legs were scrambling around trying to kick myself free, but the two men swapped positions.  
I wished they would kill me, I didn't want to go through that a second time.

"is she tight?" The hot guy said as he pinned one of my legs down for his turn to rape me.

The next thing I felt was pain like no other, I presumed it was his fist he was trying to get inside me, I cried out in agony, the big guy that had my top half pinned down then pulled a flip knife from his pocket.  
"I will cut your throat if you do that again. Understand?" He threatened waving the knife near my eye.  
I blinked away tears and nodded that I understood.

The hot guy then climbed on me forcing his disgusting body inside me, his breath in my face was revolting.

His torment on me seemed to last a lot longer than the first. But he too made noises which made it clear my ordeal would soon be over.

"she was shit" the hot guy declared as I heard the snap of his condom come off. Which was then thrown at me.

The big guy let go of me then the two men walked away as casually as nothing out of the ordinary had just happened. Leaving me a sobbing wreck down a dirty alley way at the back of a club.

I sat there for several minutes trying to take in what had just happened. I didn't know what to do, I couldn't phone the police, not after what I had been doing, if they checked CCTV then they would see me from the other night in a similar scenario leaving the club and heading in the direction of the alley way back here.

I moved my hand down to my privates, it hurt so bad down there, as I inspected my hand I noticed it was covered in blood.

I was in shock, my brain wouldn't work, I was scared to move just incase the men where waiting outside the club for me.

I saw my bag and scrambled over to where it had been kicked away from me.  
I scanned through numbers, how the fuck was I going to explain this to Mackenzie.

I dialled Logans number, hopefully he would answer, it was nearly 2am.

It rang

"savannah? " came his half asleep voice.

"Logan... I ..." My voice shook.

"hang on sav..." I heard him moving around "look kenz isn't well again, having you phone at two in the morning isn't gonna help her, she hasn't been asleep long, her breathing has just evened out" he said.

"I'm sorry" I said, trying to hold my tears in, but my voice had turned so high.

"are you okay savannah?" Logan whispered down the phone.

"can you text me Carlos' number please... Its important logues" I said with silent tears dropping from my face, I was sat squashed up to a dumpster, trying to hide from view if the men decided to return.

"fucks sake savannah... is that all you wanted?" Logan said, he sounded pissed off, I wanted to tell him but he would tell my sister this for sure.

"please its important Logan... Please" I sobbed.

"savannah what's wrong?... " Logan said.

"please just text the number" I said then hung up and cried harder than I remember crying ever in my life, I don't think my face would ever feel the same from the amount of sobbing I was doing, I never cried.

My phone beeped which made me jump out of my skin but it was the number I had asked for from Logan, he had added a message saying please call me sav x x .

I called Carlos' number.

"yup... Wassup?" Came another croaky half asleep voice down the phone.

"Carlos its savannah" I cried.

"savannah? ... Oh ... What time is it?" He asked in a mumbled sleepy state.

"Carlos I need you to pick me up" I said, my voice shaking.

"fuck off savannah, when I said that I meant at normal times of the day not like this" he said sounding pissed off.

"Carlos... Something... really... bad has ...happened ... To me" I cried out, I don't even know if Carlos could understand what I had just said.

"where are you?" He said now sounding very awake,

"I'm round the back of time and envy, please hurry up, I'm so scared I can't move." I said.

"I'm on my way..." He said then the line went dead.

I tucked my legs in to my chest trying to make myself as small as possible and cried some more.


End file.
